Hazel: struggling with Paxil to Prozac bridge

[Rosetta]

I'm thinking of you, too, Hazel. - R

[Hazel]

Thank you @Carmie and @Rosetta.  I was feeling pretty defeated after last Wednesday, so I was taking a break from posting.  Things  started to change last Thursday.  I was up and down all day with anxiety, but it would change more quickly and I had moments of feeling pretty “normal”.  Friday started rough, but got better as the day went on.  Then Saturday I woke with very little anxiety and felt pretty good all day.  I had some anxiety this morning, but nothing like before.  It’s been another pretty good day.  Had some anxiety earlier in the afternoon, but it passed.

I have no idea how long this will last, but it’s the longest I’ve felt decent in over 2 months now.  I am hoping the worst of the wave is over and I will continue to improve.  Right now I am just trying to enjoy the break from constant anxiety.

I appreciate the two of you checking in and hope you both are well😊

[Altostrata]

Good to hear, Hazel. Please do not make any changes at all in your Paxil dosing. Plan on staying at the same dosage for 6 months.

[wantrelief]

So glad to hear you have been feeling better, Hazel!  I've been thinking about you - WR.

[Rosetta]

That's great news, Hazel!

[Rabe]

SO glad to hear Hazel!  Was worried when didn't hear.!  Great news!!!

[Hazel]

Thank you all so much for the support!  I will definitely hold for at least 6 months and not make any changes.  I don’t want to take any chances of making things worse🙂

[Songbird]

That is really great news!

[Hazel]

4 hours ago, Songbird said:

That is really great news!

Thanks Songbird.

Unfortunately I think I jinxed myself as I have had a return of high anxiety this morning.  I am telling myself it is just a wave and it will pass.  I pray it passes soon!

[catali]

Hi Hazel. I've been suffering extreme anxiety too as a result of paroxetine withdrawal, so I just thought I'd add my support for a fellow sufferer. It paralyses me so my heart goes out to you. I hope it doesn't last too long for you and you continue to improve. I'm thinking of you.

[Hazel]

1 hour ago, catali said:

Hi Hazel. I've been suffering extreme anxiety too as a result of paroxetine withdrawal, so I just thought I'd add my support for a fellow sufferer. It paralyses me so my heart goes out to you. I hope it doesn't last too long for you and you continue to improve. I'm thinking of you.

Thank you Catali.

The anxiety has definitely been the worst symptom for me.  It makes it so hard to get through the day.  I’m hoping since I had a window this weekend that it is a good sign of things to come and this current wave of anxiety will pass soon.  I will have to check out your thread and see how you are doing.

[Waterfall]

Hazel, so great to hear that you had a window!!  So happy for you!

Hopefully the returned anxiety lifts again soon, and you see more and more better days.  

[Rabe]

Happy to hear about the windows Hazel!!!!

[catali]

 Anxiety and insomnia have been my worst symptoms. I had no idea what I was letting myself in for when I tried to come off the paroxetine. I was paralysed by the anxiety for weeks. At the moment I feel v demotivated and depressed. Ive got a very long way to go to get off these meds as I also take amitriptyline. I'm now so fearful of triggering another episode. Have you got any coping strategies for your bad patches of anxiety?

[Hazel]

3 hours ago, catali said:

 Anxiety and insomnia have been my worst symptoms. I had no idea what I was letting myself in for when I tried to come off the paroxetine. I was paralysed by the anxiety for weeks. At the moment I feel v demotivated and depressed. Ive got a very long way to go to get off these meds as I also take amitriptyline. I'm now so fearful of triggering another episode. Have you got any coping strategies for your bad patches of anxiety?

Thanks @Waterfall and @Rabe.

Today has been another anxious morning. I’m off work the next few days, so hopefully that will help.

Catali,

I also had no idea what I was in for with trying to come off these drugs.  It’s been a nightmare.  

The things I do to cope with the anxiety are going for walks in nature, epsom salt baths, deep breathing, talking to someone like my mom or my husband for reassurance and distraction like reading, playing games on my Kindle or watching tv.  I also pray and try to have faith that this will all pass and I am healing.  Coming here for support of course helps as well.  I think it’s most helpful to read the success stories to encourage myself that I too will be a success some day.  Another thing I am still working on is accepting the symptoms and letting them be.  It’s hard, but when I just accept the anxiety as part of the withdrawal process and not get too worked up about it, it tends to not get so bad.

Hope that helps!

Hazel

[catali]

I agree, Hazel, at least now I know the cause of the anxiety. Maybe that will help me ride it out in the future. I have been so frightened by the experience. I  feel as though I am in shock. Where are you at with meds? Are you off everything? I now think they are doing me so much damage it's hard to have to contemplate a long slow taper. Part of me just wants to just stop taking them.

[Hazel]

1 hour ago, catali said:

I agree, Hazel, at least now I know the cause of the anxiety. Maybe that will help me ride it out in the future. I have been so frightened by the experience. I  feel as though I am in shock. Where are you at with meds? Are you off everything? I now think they are doing me so much damage it's hard to have to contemplate a long slow taper. Part of me just wants to just stop taking them.

I am now at 9mg Paxil.  I updoses a bit over the past few months from 7.5 mg to 9 because I was really struggling with anxiety and insomnia.  I don’t know if I’m a whole lot better at 9, but I plan to hold here for a good 6 months and hopefully stabilize before I try to taper.

I’ve made many mistakes over the past 20+months with trying to get off meds and am now paying for it.

I really do believe the more stable you are before tapering and the slower you go, the less awful it will be.  Just give yourself plenty of time to get more stable and then begin a slow taper when you are up to it.  Trust me, it’s not worth rushing it.

[Rosetta]

Rooting for you, Hazel!

[wantrelief]

Thank you so much for your supportive message on my thread, Hazel.  It sounds like you are doing a lot of good work on working with anxiety.  I hope you continue to feel better as you hold.  

[Hazel]

2 hours ago, Rosetta said:

Rooting for you, Hazel!

Thanks @Rosetta  I am rooting for you too!

[Hazel]

1 hour ago, wantrelief said:

Thank you so much for your supportive message on my thread, Hazel.  It sounds like you are doing a lot of good work on working with anxiety.  I hope you continue to feel better as you hold.  

😊

[Rabe]

You sound resolute and on a great path Hazel!  Have a great day tomorrow!!!

[catali]

23 hours ago, Hazel said:

I am now at 9mg Paxil

I reinstated at 10mg but I am also on amitriptyline, a tricyclic AD, which I now think is causing me memory problems. Since I discovered so many of my health problems are very likely down to the meds I am desperate to get off them as fast as possible. I have to balance that against the traumatic withdrawal experience I have just suffered. Part of me just wants to get it over and done with quickly. But I'm v scared of changing doses and triggering another collapse. It's a difficult dilemma. It doesn't help that there is virtually no knowledge or experience within the health service to draw on. Im not always sure the health professionals I've talked to believe my descriptions of what has happened to me.

 

How do you measure your doses accurately? Is syrup and a syringe the best?

 

 

[Hazel]

17 hours ago, Rabe said:

You sound resolute and on a great path Hazel!  Have a great day tomorrow!!!

Thanks Rabe:)

Today has been up and down with anxiety, but I am doing things anyway and it’s not too bad.  Grateful I have these days off of work.  It helps to have less pressure to perform at a job.

[Hazel]

2 minutes ago, catali said:

I reinstated at 10mg but I am also on amitriptyline, a tricyclic AD, which I now think is causing me memory problems. Since I discovered so many of my health problems are very likely down to the meds I am desperate to get off them as fast as possible. I have to balance that against the traumatic withdrawal experience I have just suffered. Part of me just wants to get it over and done with quickly. But I'm v scared of changing doses and triggering another collapse. It's a difficult dilemma. It doesn't help that there is virtually no knowledge or experience within the health service to draw on. Im not always sure the health professionals I've talked to believe my descriptions of what has happened to me.

 

How do you measure your doses accurately? Is syrup and a syringe the best?

 

 

Hi Catali 

I make a liquid with the tablet and just water.  I’ve been taking one 10mg tablet and dissolve it in 10ml of water and use a syringe to measure the dose.

I know this is an awful situation to be in, but I would really give yourself time to feel better before making any changes.  Use this site for support-people here really get it.

[Hazel]

I’m posting for reassurance and advice I guess.  I had a really bad night last night-didn’t sleep at all.  Anxiety was really high all night with no relief.

I am scared because it seems like every time I think I am getting better, I get a terrible wave that knocks me right back and I feel like I will never stabilize.  Anxiety is high right now-6 or 7.  I just worry that this is a bad reaction to the increase?  I also wonder if I have reached tolerance with the Paxil as I read on another thread that a sign of “poop out” is if you increase your dose and then feel worse after a while.

 @Altostrata  do you think this is a wave and I need to continue to hold or am I not responding well to the increase?  I’ve been struggling with anxiety off and on daily for the past 5 days.  Last night is the worst it has been in a long time.  I am just feeling really scared and discouraged as I don’t know what to do anymore.  It’s really hard to function like this.  I feel like I can’t deal with this anymore😢

[Altostrata]

Yes, it's a wave, Hazel. You know that. You need to remind yourself about this every time you hit a bump.

 

Please stop playing with your Paxil dosage. Your tendency to continually change your drugs is what's gotten you into this.

 

Re-read

 

[Rabe]

Hi Hazel...you have sounded really good until this post really.  I know, for myself, I can have some good days or better parts of days...and then when the waves hit again its like its so easy to forget the goodness that just was.  I have found that keeping a journal is very helpful.  It allows me to look back at what REALLY is and was and not what my brain is trying to have me believe!  Yes, I hope the your will stay the course with your meds....they are not the answer....time and patience and acceptance are...and the knowledge that this wave, just like the others will soon pass!!!  HUGS!!!  Hang in there!!!💜 

[Hazel]

Thanks @Rabe

I really appreciate your positive feedback.  I do keep a journal on paper to track my progress and it does help.  I will stay the course with my meds for at least 6 months.  I hope this wave passes soon.  Today was better than yesterday, but still quite a bit of anxiety off and on throughout the day.  

Tomorrow is a new day!

[Rosetta]

Hi, Hazel, Hope you feel better today. - R

[Hazel]

2 hours ago, Rosetta said:

Hi, Hazel, Hope you feel better today. - R

Thanks Rosetta.

Today has been tough.  More anxiety and also feeling really low.  This has just taken a lot out of me.  I am trying my best to stay positive, but it’s getting harder and harder. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

[Rosetta]

I know that feeling.  It's really tough to wait this out!  It's exhausting and yet we don't get much rest it seems.  Anxiety uses an immense amount of energy.  I wish I could hold your hand through this part or that somebody could and that that would make it all ok.  -R

[wantrelief]

I am so sorry today has been tough. This is completely exhausting.....I really understand how you feel.  I am hoping you get a break soon, Hazel.

[Hazel]

Thank you @Rosetta and @wantrelief for your kind words of support.  I am at the point where I think I may have to take a leave from my job or just quit altogether.  It causes more stress just thinking about going in tomorrow morning knowing I have a full, busy day.  I kept thinking I would be feeling better as time goes on, but I’m not.  I have to believe this may take a good long while for things to settle down and stabilize and in order to really do that, I may need to stop working or find something less stressful for the time being.  Any thoughts?

[wantrelief]

This is such a difficult decision.  My latest withdrawal problems coincided with problems with a job as well as realizing I no longer wanted to be in the profession I was in.  So I now find myself in a place where I am struggling with bad withdrawal and not working.  I don't feel like I could work at the moment. That being said I have been in withdrawal before and worked....I recall being grateful to have the distraction but it was really difficult to get through the days to say the least.  I do miss working (not the profession I left but just in general having a feeling of purpose) and am finding it challenging at times being home feeling sick without a lot to distract me.  I am hoping someday to look for work that is less stressful than the profession I left but am not feeling anywhere near being able to go down that path. You have children so you already have a lot on your plate.  Maybe you could take the middle road and take a leave of absence if your job is one you would want to go back to as that way you still have it as an option if you want it.  From your postings, it does sound like you feel worse when you have to work so maybe that is helpful to guide your decision.  I feel like I have just rambled on here....I just really relate to the difficulty in making this decision.

[Hazel]

Thanks so much @wantrelief for your feedback.  It is a really hard decision for me as my family needs my income, so I would either need to take family medical leave or get a less stressful job.  The good thing is that my former job was less stressful and I could likely go back to it.  The bad thing is it is less money and no benefits.  

I am going to see how things go tomorrow at work and go from there.  I do also think work can be a good distraction, but lately I find it to be more stressful and feel it puts added pressure on me.