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gigi47: cold turkey, 2 weeks in, going through hell


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so about 5 years ago i was taking bath salts(stupid, i know), a lot of bath salts, and i developed a symptom like bulging eyes which destroyed my life


this symptom lasted for one month but already i developed an obsession with how my eyes looked to other people which is still present in my life   


so i got depressed and isolated still obsessing over my eyes

so what to do next?


with my mother persisting in going to get help i ended in a psychiatric hospital, after 5 minutes of describing the symptoms and telling the cause (bath salts) to the psy I've got my identity and the sentence, I've got BDD, body dysmorphic disorder and the sentence was 2 zoloft in the morning 1 solian(antipsychotic) in the evening

we all know whats coming next, after months on this treatment I've got worse, another diagnose, bi-polar - 2 zoloft + 3 norset + 1 abylyfy + 1 solian and an extra 4 serestra


and that went for 5 years which comes with psychotic episodes, attempted suicides, forced psy hospitals stays, violent behavior, unable to form thoughts and without emotions, drug use, drinking and in the process i lost my soul and after only two years I've started hearing voices, pretty scary, but i was afraid talking with my psy because of another diagnose which all know that they say is for life, schizophrenia. And after all the suffering caused by this treatment they wanted to give me more powerful dosages   


I'm not going in to the details, i don't want to remember, it's hard not trusting your doctor, thinking is the devil, which he is imo.


It's pretty hard for me to get off this drugs because I'm being forced in to the treatment and watched every day, there are nurses which came every day to give me the meds because of my attempted suicides, so they give me a glass of water and watch me if i swallow the meds , pretty scary, i know. The doctor it's convinced that i need the treatment all my life because of my behavior. So how i came off without anyone knowing?


One night (of many) without sleep i went on YouTube watching movies reviews and by divine luck I've come across a video about big pharma an psychiatric drugs which changed everything and going deep into the subject i discovered the truth, which at the time seemed fantastic and scary. I mean you think all the time that your doctor wants to help you and has years of studying this thing in school and there is the ''science'' to back all this, come on! it's a doctor, a psychiatrist, he must know things, no? and suddenly you see the other face of the coin and here comes the rage. 


It's hard for me to tamper because i don't have the drugs, they give me the drugs, so my only option it's going cold turkey, made them think that i swallowed the drugs, hiding them in my hand.


So now I'm two weeks in cold turkey, trying to stay ''normal'' for family and doctors not to give away that you are in withdrawal, it's pretty hard. I'm going trough hell here and it's been only two weeks.


I've been searching for information all this time, when I'm not in severe depression. I've found 5-htp which I'm on for 3 days now and it's good, placebo? i will take everything which will help me


I've found meditation which make sense for me, but to try to concentrate on your breath for 5 minutes right now seems pretty hard, reading books on the subject helps me, I'm gonna do everything that i can to stay off the meds even if i need to die in the process.

Edited by scallywag
add extra lines afterparagraphs
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  • ChessieCat changed the title to gigi47: cold turkey, 2 weeks in, going through hell
  • Moderator Emeritus

gigi47 -- Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants (SA)


You've been put through the mill with psych treatment. I'm sorry to read about what's happened to you in the name of "treatment" for something that might have resolved on its own or could have been eased with a competent and caring therapist.


What medications were you taking most recently? 

What were the doses?

Do you have 100% control of your medications? Said another way does anybody give you the medications and watch you take them?


Cold turkey is a very difficult way to stop taking these medications.  People who discontinue medication all at once seem to have the most difficult time to recovery and to take the longest. 


If you're 100% in control of your medications, you've got a great opportunity to minimize the risk that this continues by starting to take the meds again and then, after a certain time, slowly decreasing the dose. Please read

Before you begin tapering -- what you need to know.

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?.


I hope you'll find the information in the SA forums helpful for your situation. I'm sorry that you are in the position that you need the information, but am glad that you found us.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here

scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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thanks for reading my story

I'm not in control of my medication, sometimes the nurses come in the morning, and other times they come in the evening and they watch me if i swallow the pills (sometimes they call me before dropping by, sometimes they just come in the morning at 7 am)

i cannot taper, sometimes I'm in control of the antipsychotic but not all the meds together 

the thing is that if I'm not behaving they could call the police and had me committed to the hospital (my criminal record show them that I'm a violent individual and they could use that to force me in to the treatment)

before i stopped takin them i was on - solian 400mg + 3 norset (each one of 15mg) + 4 serestra (each one 10 mg) in the evening 

                                                          - 2 zoloft ( each one of 50 mg) + 1 abilify (10 mg) in the morning

the interesting thing was that they didn't gave me all the time the abilify, i don't know why


i have another concern, if anybody heard about this please tell me if it's true or just a myth, I'm scared out of my mind

some while ago i was in a psychiatric hospital with a pretty scary dude and doing some ketamine (you could bring all kinds of drugs in the hospital if you know how), i know it's not a smart thing to do with a psychotic because you don't really can predict his behavior on the drug but i was stupid and i wanted to get high  

so the guy after a few lines told me with a scary voice that if I'm going off the treatment in a few months i will see the devil and said that he will trick me to stay forever on the meds

the guy was so serious that it started crying, i mean this is pretty stupid if you think about it, I'm not a believer, it's obvious the K who spoke, not him

but when you start hearing the story all over the place you actually start to believe in a meeting with the devil, when you are in withdrawal and feel like dying the story pops up and a feeling of extreme panic arise when you hear steps at night coming towards you. it's stupid and obviously a fairy tale but I'm really scared. if anybody heard about this please help me 



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  • Moderator Emeritus

gigi When you are under very close supervision or hospitalized, your best plan is to comply with the medical program.


It could become very, very difficult to cover up symptoms from going cold turkey from several medications. Trying to do so while being supervised by medical professionals may result in a nurse considering your withdrawal symptoms as relapse and/or as new conditions. Such a diagnosis would result in compelled hospitalization and possibly a doctor prescribing a switch to injected medications that you cannot fake taking.


You will have to play the role of the compliant, good patient to convince your doctor, nurses, and other staff that you can deal responsibly with medications and that you are ready to deal with managing your life on your own. Once you are back in charge of your medications, only after a few months of stability would it make sense to consider slowly reducing one medication at a time.

Edited by scallywag
modify response to reflect actual situation

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here

scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment
  • 7 months later...

gigi i just read your heartbreaking story.

We haven't heard from you since last year.

Do you feel up to giving an update?

Those are great questions from SW.  


Thought for the day: Lets stand up, and let’s speak out , together. G Olsen

We have until the 14th. Feb 2018. 

URGENT REQUEST Please consider submitting  for the petition on Prescribed Drug Dependence and Withdrawal currently awaiting its third consideration at the Scottish Parliament. You don't even have to be from Scotland. By clicking on the link below you can read some of the previous submissions but be warned many of them are quite harrowing.


Please tell them about your problems taking and withdrawing from antidepressants and/or benzos.

Send by email to petitions@parliament.scot and quote PE01651 in the subject heading. Keep to a maximum of 3 sides of A4 and you can't name for legal reasons any doctor you have consulted. Tell them if you wish to remain anonymous. We need the numbers to help convince the committee members we are not isolated cases. You have until mid February. Thank you

Recovering paxil addict

None of the published articles shed light on what ssri's ... actually do or what their hazards might be. Healy 2013. 

This is so true, with anything you get on these drugs, dependance, tapering, withdrawal symptoms, side effects, just silent. And if there is something mentioned then their is a serious disconnect between what is said and reality! 

  "Every time I read of a multi-person shooting, I always presume that person had just started a SSRI or had just stopped."  Dr Mosher. Me too! 

Over two decades later, the number of antidepressant prescriptions a year is slightly more than the number of people in the Western world. Most (nine out of 10) prescriptions are for patients who faced difficulties on stopping, equating to about a tenth of the population. These patients are often advised to continue treatment because their difficulties indicate they need ongoing treatment, just as a person with diabetes needs insulin. Healy 2015

I believe the ssri era will soon stand as one of the most shameful in the history of medicine. Healy 2015

Let people help people ... in a natural, kind, non-addictive (and non-big pharma) way. J Broadley 2017



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