Arbor: dealing with PAWS

[Ariel]

@arbor

Thinking of you <3

[arbor]

Thank you @Ariel  It's so good of you to come by.  It means the world to me.  I hope you feel even a small bit of healing.  Thank heavens for this Forum 💜

[getofflex]

On 7/15/2022 at 3:23 PM, arbor said:

I seem to be following an uneven pattern that oscillates between good and bad sleep.  Not unusual from what I read here.

Arbor, this is the very pattern I have had throughout my WD, and insomnia was my most bothersome symptom.  I have to say, it is gradually getting better, and is now much better than it was.  Hang in there, it will get better! 

[arbor]

Thanks a ton for posting this @getofflex.  I feel less alone/less crazy hearing about your experience.

There are nights--wide awake--so dark, it takes my cat all the endearingness in the world to keep me going.  (Stress tends to make me hyperbolic--)

I send you hugs and continued congrats on reaching Zero.  Your patience under stress is an inspiration.

Arbor 💜

[getofflex]

@arborI have seen a correlation between my sleepless nights and incoming storms/weather changes, being overactive during the day, eating salty/processed foods and eating out, stress, interpersonal drama especially, and also if I know I have a social function to go to the next day (I have some social phobia and agoraphobia).   As you can see, my nervous system is quite sensitive.  I understand about laying there for hours on those dark nights.  When that happens, I'll listen to a Spotify playlist of very calming, soothing, healing music.  It really helps.  

[mstimc]

2 hours ago, arbor said:

There are nights--wide awake--so dark, it takes my cat all the endearingness in the world to keep me going.  (Stress tends to make me hyperbolic--)

Hi Arbor

 

FWIW, I've dealt with insomnia almost all my adult life.  I've found it can be a vicious circle--I don't sleep well so then I worry about sleeping, and that ratchets up my anxiety, which further affects my sleep.  Although I have a script for generic Ambien, I rarely use because its so addictive.  I've found using a "rotating" set of tools helps me get into a good sleep pattern--sometimes its audio books, sometimes its white noise, and sometimes its mind games, which really help with the racing thoughts.  I try to create lists in my mind of things that interest me--all the names of classical composers I can recall; how I'd design and furnish my dream house, anything positive that focuses my thoughts away from ruminating.  Hope this helps!

[arbor]

Thank you for your support and suggestions @mstimcand @getofflexI will put them to use.  It interests me that even the wee-slightest social tension blows my sleep to smithereens.  The social connection aspect of my psyche feels messed with by the drugs.  It feels sinisterly tinkered with.  Your kindness in contrast is healing.

 

2 hours ago, getofflex said:

(I have some social phobia and agoraphobia)

Yes, I can relate--it makes me feel about 3 years old.

 

Hugs to you both,

Arbor

[mstimc]

9 minutes ago, arbor said:

Yes, I can relate--it makes me feel about 3 years old.

 

Don't judge yourself too harshly, Arbor.  Your anxious mind can blow even the slightest thing out of proportion--that's how it keeps it power.   Your social skills will improver as you recover.  Give it time and self-love!

[Ariel]

@arbor

47 minutes ago, arbor said:

It interests me that even the wee-slightest social tension blows my sleep to smithereens.  The social connection aspect of my psyche feels messed with by the drugs.

Oh how I can relate to this! 

Interpersonal issues are practically neurotoxic to me in WD. Nothing sets me off spiraling like a (perceived or actual) social altercation. 

It seems many of us share this vulnerability. I'm sorry that you do, too. 

We're in this together <3

Let's say we are healing a primal part of our brains related to safety and belonging. 

Maybe we are even healing each other, here in our little tribe, one inclusive post at a time. 

Either way, healing is happening <3

Hugs, lullabies, night lights, high fives -- safe space and sleep hygiene a-go-go!

A.

 

 

 

[Oaktree1]

19 hours ago, arbor said:

There are nights--wide awake--so dark, it takes my cat all the endearingness in the world to keep me going.  (Stress tends to make me hyperbolic--)

Arbor,

 

I am very sorry to read that you are having ongoing problems with sleep and associated stress - the chicken and egg situation - stress impacts on sleep and one borrows the other.   I can see you in the sentence above.  I hope a time comes for you when you sleep well...don't have any more advice...I wish I could write something that would make it better for you.

 

Oaktree

[arbor]

Dear @Arieland @Oaktree1--It's so good of you to post on my thread.  I feel your heartfelt support and comradery.  It really helps!  My sleep has continued to be better, but I can still wake and have long stretches of insomnia in the night.  Last night I played with changing my universe, which is really something like Changing the Channel, using some of the mind games that @mstimcsuggested.  I could see that my mind locked on scenarios, universes that did change when I consciously switched my focus.  Like many of us, I've done this countless times, but last night, I played with it more, and it had the effect of really showing me how my mind creates worlds.  PAWS of course skews them.  I could sense in the nanosecond between them a mini freedom, fraction of emptiness.  I'll probably forget this by tonight.

Funny, before ssri's I used to enjoy "mulling" on subjects.  These days it's often hijacked by brooding.  Being able to step away from my thoughts has taken on new urgency.  I hope healing includes both less despair and a greater ability to let go of it when it intrudes.

Thank you so much for being there, dear friends.  I hope this day/night is going as well as possible for you.

Arbor 💜

[Ariel]

@arbor

Thank you so much for stopping by my thread. 

It feels like an unexpected and very welcome visit from a friend. 

I confess I don't always open the door when someone knocks, but you would most certainly be the exception.

A neighbor offering a gift basket of best wishes for healing -- that is a sweet change to my universe!

 

On 7/26/2022 at 9:59 PM, arbor said:

I could sense in the nanosecond between them a mini freedom, fraction of emptiness. 

 

This is so very beautiful and inspiring, arbor. 

Thank you for sharing, it has really stayed with me and nourishes me still.

The PAWS/WD experience certainly teaches us to make the most of the very least -- sincerely, genuinely. 

I trust this enriching practice will serve us well for the rest of our lives.  

 

I appreciate you.

Sending hugs and healing vibes <3

A.  

[Oaktree1]

Dear @arbor

 

I hope that things continue to improve for you.  Thank you for all your kindness to me since I joined the board - it has meant a huge amount.  I wish you continued health and improvement.

 

Oaktree 

[arbor]

Dear @Ariel I read your post this morning and felt blessed.  All the words stopped up in me find expression in your words.

3 hours ago, Ariel said:

The PAWS/WD experience certainly teaches us to make the most of the very least -- sincerely, genuinely. 

This is so true.  Then I find myself clinging to even the littlest--those times when I'm able to hold my tongue, say, or am able to notice the cornflowers beside the busy road--and then watching the respite fade.  Starting again.

 

3 hours ago, Ariel said:

I trust this enriching practice will serve us well for the rest of our lives.  

I'm trusting with you.

Thank you so much for being there, Ariel.

Hugs and smiles to you,

Arbor

[arbor]

Dear @Oaktree1--My spirits always lift when I see your name.  

2 hours ago, Oaktree1 said:

I wish you continued health and improvement.

I feel the boost of your words.  Today is Market day.  I'm sure it will be flooded when it opens in the park as the heat will quickly be unbearable.  I don't know if the lettuces and so forth will have survived the unrelenting inferno of days we've been having.  In my w/d state, I admit to conflating an apocalyptic vision, as if the world had joined us in the devastation of w/d. 

Thinking of you there Oaktree, and all of us trying to cope, registers today as cooling.

 

Oh, and my sleep, thanks for asking, continues to be better, though other symptoms like hair loss and muscle deterioration continue.  I wear hats and avoid mirrors as well as people.  With better sleep, I do feel more internal stamina.  

I hope that you too are finding continued health 💜

Sending you big hugs and tranquility 🕊️

Arbor 💜

 

[Onmyway]

9 minutes ago, arbor said:

Dear @Oaktree1--My spirits always lift when I see your name.  

I feel the boost of your words.  Today is Market day.  I'm sure it will be flooded when it opens in the park as the heat will quickly be unbearable.  I don't know if the lettuces and so forth will have survived the unrelenting inferno of days we've been having.  In my w/d state, I admit to conflating an apocalyptic vision, as if the world had joined us in the devastation of w/d. 

Thinking of you there Oaktree, and all of us trying to cope, registers today as cooling.

 

Oh, and my sleep, thanks for asking, continues to be better, though other symptoms like hair loss and muscle deterioration continue.  I wear hats and avoid mirrors as well as people.  With better sleep, I do feel more internal stamina.  

I hope that you too are finding continued health 💜

Sending you big hugs and tranquility 🕊️

Arbor 💜

 

This made me smile @arbor. I went to the market today at 7:30 before the heat. It is market day here as well and I love buying produce from stalls. 

 

I also relate to the difficulties with heat - I have turned my sleeping schedule upside down so that I am awake most of the night to be able to enjoy the cool breeze. I am not a huge fan of air conditioners as I always find they collect mold (the window kind). 

 

I am so glad that the sleep is getting better though the muscle deterioration sounds hard. I try to think of these setbacks as temporary. Have you gotten a check up? Sometimes thyroid and iron deficiencies can cause hair loss as well (personal experience) and they would also cause fatigue/muscle weakness. I am so hoping one day we can be strong and healthy again! 

 

Sending you healing hugs, 

 

OMW

Edited July 30, 2022 by Onmyway

[Oaktree1]

5 hours ago, arbor said:

Oh, and my sleep, thanks for asking, continues to be better, though other symptoms like hair loss and muscle deterioration continue.  I wear hats and avoid mirrors as well as people.  With better sleep, I do feel more internal stamina. 

Thanks goodness that you have better sleep  - that is the kernel of the change in health for you.   I hope it continues to improve gradually.

 

I suppose a bit of muscle deterioration happens as we get older anyway - I have noticed it anyway a lot in the past year - apparently we lose 30% between aged 50-70.  I am doing Paul Lam's dvd's that JanCarol recommended partly for gentle muscle strengthening as well as mindfulness practice.

 

I avoid mirrors too although I saw a beautiful French restauranteur who had just had cancer in 'Lets feed Phil' when he went to the Bay area who wore a beautiful beanie and a scarf and managed to look incredibly elegant and beautiful - I presume she had lost her hair due to the treatment.  I take selenium for my thyroid (my OB GYN recommended it to me as I have some sort of raised hashimoto thing  - I can't remember the exact name but my antibodies are off the chart) - I found it helped my hair growth as a side effect.   I know one has to be careful with supplements here - I started taking it before I came on here.  It is distressing to lose hair.  It could just be a side effect of the anemia too that you are recently recovering from.  But I am with you on avoiding mirrors.

5 hours ago, arbor said:

In my w/d state, I admit to conflating an apocalyptic vision, as if the world had joined us in the devastation of w/d. 

I love this sentence - it reminds me a bit of when you compared the damage done by the pharma/drug industry to what fossil fuels were doing to our climate.  It does feel like we are living in apocalyptic times with these terrible heatwaves and all the other stuff - it seems to be 38 degrees over in Portland at the moment - at least it seems to be cooling a bit after tomorrow.  

 

I hope you get through the heatwave ok - I have to say that for myself I enjoyed our relatively manageable heatwave although I would not like to be in over 35 degree heat.

 

Oaktree

[arbor]

Hey @Oaktree1--Thank you for your input.  It's really helpful.  I've upped my count for Brazil nuts from one to two.  

Sending healing wishes,

Arbor 💜

[arbor]

Hi @Onmyway--I hope you're doing better and appreciate your input on my ongoing symptoms.  Yes, you and @Oaktree1 make some good observations about what might be going on.  As usualthese days, so much is a matter of hanging in there.  

Thinking of you 💜

Arbor

[Ariel]

@arbor

 

It's a hot, humid one here today. The air is heavy with the promise of rain -- something to look forward to -- and my skin feels sticky with pent-up heat and anticipation.

 

Someone once explained to me that with so much moisture in the air, one's sweat has nowhere to go, which makes temperature regulation more difficult. That made sense to me and ever since, in this kind of muggy weather, I imagine beads of perspiration rolling aimlessly around as though stuck in a roundabout with no exit.

 

I feel similarly, have been flopping and lounging listlessly all day, in a state of lethargy and general disorientation and avolition. Any fleeting moments of energy are devoted to fueling fantasies of popsicles and gelato -- delivered to my door by a robot that doubles as a magical, environmentally friendly, solar-powered (i.e. guilt-free), perfectly silent air conditioner cum electric fan. Perhaps a bottomless freezer stocked with a never-ending variety of refreshing treats, that also serves as a home cooling unit.

 

I am dreaming of frozen bananas, fruity slushies, the street vendor Italian ices and shaved ice of my childhood. The ringing in my ears warbles out of the usual tinnitus drone into something resembling the cheerful jingle of the Good Humor ice cream truck (as I got older these were mostly replaced by Mister Softee, and a part of me can still connect with feeling loyalty to the former brand). I am remembering Carvel ice cream cakes and Fudgie the Whale (which took on an untouchable, mythic quality -- I used to beg my mother for these, we could never afford them).

 

I recall the warm, tan, open-hearted face of my ice-cream-shop-owner friend, an older man (to me at the time he seemed ancient, but I was only 8 years old; he may have been 40-something, I thought he must be 70!) whom I called Mr. Sedutto, although that was surely not his name. As often as I could I'd come in there alone or with a few other kids and carefully count out my change and crumpled-up dollar bills. He was always so patient and welcoming, never failed to greet me with a big smile. He treated me with respect, like a real customer -- that was my favorite flavor of all. Second best was double chocolate fudge in a wafer cone, or maybe, on a particularly hot day, mint chocolate chip. 

 

My brain insists that the reward of indulging in cold sweets would make any subsequent digestive discomfort worth it; my gut strongly disagrees but is distended/distracted with generalized WD overwhelm and fatigue, weakening the power of its protests. This is how it often feels on the topic of food these days, as though my brain were at odds with my gut, and my mind a reluctant, weary referee of dubious integrity. My brain trying to bribe my mind to go against my gut. The brain lobby is strong, my mind is highly corruptible, my gut is otherwise occupied undergoing extensive restructuring and repairs (why are contractor/renovation timelines always so unreliable?) ...

 

A cold shower would be the wholesome choice. Or pouring myself a glass of the tap water I keep bottled and refrigerated for this express purpose (and never end up drinking because my teeth are too sensitive to cold!). 

It's a hero's dilemma if ever there was one. 

 

Thinking of you, dear arbor. 

Sending a cool breeze your way -- wishes of peace and relief -- refreshments ad libitum --

 

(as I wrote that last bit I was hit with a sense memory of a particularly delicious mint julep once enjoyed in a friend's Atlanta backyard, fragrant with expertly muddled mint leaves freshly picked from their herb garden) 

(my goodness, what unprecedented descent into nostalgia! blame the falling barometric pressure)

 

Ah, I think I hear the rain starting -- running to close my wide-open windows -- yes, it's really coming down now!

What a gift, infinitely better than ice cream -- and WD-compatible for sure. 

 

Healing vibes and raindrops <3

A. 

[arbor]

Thank you @Ariel--I've just picked up your message.  It's a beautiful evening and I'm savoring your words.  Can smell the mint and feel the ice cream in my mouth.  Thank you for sharing your memories.  A total gift--and when I'm awake between sleeps in the night, I'll come back and read it again.  

I send you healing thoughts and happy wishes--

Arbor🍦🍹🚚🌳🌞

[LarryS]

Thank you @arbor for being a moderator even as you go through your own healing.  You are blessing many.

 

My wife grew up in Portland.  We have gone together many times back to Portland to visit her parents, three brothers and two childhood friends of hers.  I have skied Mt. Hood in my younger days.  I can visualize it in my mind's eye, a beautiful mountain.

 

Giving you a hug, which should improve your already good demeanor.  😉

[Spenitate]

On 8/22/2020 at 2:44 AM, arbor said:

Hi--I'm so glad this site exists.  I took my last dose of Prozac on December 15, 2018.  3 days later, what I call the Horror, began.  I had been on ssri's for over 20 years during which time I had become constantly sick.  It never occurred to any doctor that my illnesses were medication related.  Eventually I began to link studies of the ssri's to my problems.  I tapered over a 6 month span, and now realize with the discovery of SA that it was probably too quick.  I'm frightened because I still don't sleep well, suffer from akinesia, bone-crunching depression, suicidal ideation, especially in the night and mornings,  tinnitus, extreme weight loss, blurred vision, and obsessive ruminations.  This mental state is a million times worse than anything I experienced before starting on Zoloft.  At that time, my husband had been diagnosed with Huntington's Disease, and during the first 2 years Zoloft did seem to help me cope.  After that, it never worked the same, though the dose was consistently increased.  Eventually my doctor had read that Zoloft was associated with an increased risk of stroke in those over 60, and he switched me to Prozac.

 

Over these years I lost my hair, had an oophorectomy for cysts on my ovaries, had appendix removed, two heart attacks, and was put on Enalapril for HBP, Metformin for diabetes.  I always had digestive problems during this time--including hiccups!  And terrible sweating--

 

Three days after my last dose of  Prozac, I was admitted to ER with BP of 250/150ish.  Administered clonidine.  Back to ER again about a week later with same high BP which had never gone down.  My urine was pink.  My body and mind could barely function.  I  was given a diagnosis of Serotonin Syndrome by the ER toxicologist.  Since then I have tapered off the Ace inhibitor in 2019, and Metformin, the last dose being in March 2020.    About 8 months in, it seemed I might be improving somewhat, but the final withdrawal from Metformin has set me back again.  A couple of months ago, the mental nightmare had become so unrelenting I considered reinstating, but haven't.

 

I still can't watch movies, read novels, or enjoy music the way I did.  But the good news is that my blood pressure is now normal.  This month I've slowly returned to my job part time after nearly a year away. 

 

Thank you for all that you all contribute here.  I hope I can offer support as well.  Your journeys mean a ton to me--life rafts, in fact.

 

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from July to December)

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 

 

Happy to be here, Arbor 

 

 

Hi Arbor

 

I just wanted to express my sympathies for what you have been through. I am currently experiencing sertraline (zoloft) withdrawal and it is horrible! What you said about not yet being able to enjoy books and films like you used to really hit home as that's something I struggle with too. I used to love reading! I am hopeful it will come back to me and it's comforting to hear I am not the only one feeling that way.

 

All the best - Spenitate

[arbor]

Hi @LarryS--Thanks for stopping by.  Since I lived a number of years in Seattle, I'm familiar with Mill Creek and how lovely it is.  We're lucky to live in the NW.  (I'm sure I'd feel the same if I was living many other places as well.)  My best to your wife.  Perhaps our paths crossed back in the day.  Meanwhile, best wishes on your immediate health and for your long term recovery.  Sure appreciate the hug!

Thinking of you,

Arbor

[arbor]

Dear @Spenitate--What a lovely name.  The dictionary says, Hopelessness, in Latin.  Yes, I too, have wrestled with that feeling so often.  I appreciate your kind support.

1 hour ago, Spenitate said:

What you said about not yet being able to enjoy books and films like you used to really hit home as that's something I struggle with too. I used to love reading! I am hopeful it will come back to me and it's comforting to hear I am not the only one feeling that way.

This seems to be a fairly typical symptom of w/d.  It can add more isolation for those of us accustomed to the human connectivity of reading.  You're already going through so much with the upheaval and mental anguish of your brain in hell.  I did recover my ability to read within the first year following CT.  Perhaps I still need to reread more than before to remember the concepts.  My short term memory has suffered.  Still, I can tell that the more I read, the better my memory holds.  Emotionally I'm not comfortable yet with movies, so I just read.  The News is challenging for me, but I try to keep up with it.  It's a kind of exercise like physical therapy, to stay present and compassionate without feeling overwhelmed, helpless, and reactive.  

And for sure, you're not alone.  I'm glad you're here, and I hope that you will reach out as much as you need.  I don't like to imagine going through w/d without the benefit of a community like this.

Holding your recovery in my heart,

Arbor

[Oaktree1]

Arbor,

 

I just wanted to post and say that I hope there are some small improvements for you.  I am not sure from reading your thread how things are with you now.  I often think of you up in the Pacific North West and when JanCarol mentioned Puget's Sound to me a while back, it  sounded so evocative that I immediately looked it up on Wiki so I could read all about it and see the photos. 

 

Just when I think I have seen and read about all the geographical wonders of Northern America, I find another.  I know that these awful drugs are awful but I mention a bit of nature here to you because I can forget things when I look at a picture of the natural world and I think you feel a bit like that about nature too.   It can be cheering or make us think of something that is greater than we are and that in itself I find can be calming sometimes.  I don't what how the situation with your neighbour is now or whether they are still in the picture and I hope you are getting some sleep.  

 

Oaktree

[arbor]

Thank you @Oaktree1for stopping by.  I'm going to respond tomorrow.  I'd planned to write tonight, but the day got too busy, so I'll have to wait.  

Big hugs to you,

Arbor

[arbor]

Dear @Oaktree1  Wheeoo, I had a packed day yesterday with work and family, but didn't expect to be this tired today.  For an update to your kind post, I can say I've been doing better, meaning I guess, more moments of contentment, better sleep, times of focus.  I'd lost a lot of weight and am now regaining it.  As my body repairs, I'm not sure who I'll be--it would be great if I develop patience, especially for my piano pounding neighbor.  She's like a mean little agitated monkey doused in perfume, fuming over the keys.  Currently, and all day, she's working on a syncopated jazz rendition of chopsticks.  Without an ear for rhythm, syncopation is replaced with the manifesto, over and over, of a sputtering machine gun.  I'm also hoping that my healing will include a reduction of self-pity.

Right now the city's on alert for black-outs as east winds sweep in bringing smoke from inland fires.  It's hot and flammable in the park and up the paths I usually walk.

You mention the Puget Sound.  Just writing the words, perks up my heart.  That whole area, including the Canadian Gulf Islands, is special--also, now, velly expensive. 

I hope that you are doing alright.  I know you're going through challenges.  At the same time, you add so much for us here on the site.  Thank you--

Thinking of you,

Arbor

[RachelSusan]

@arbor arbor,

I've see you commenting on other peoples' threads and previously you have been kind enough to come over to my thread and I always thought I should go see arbor's page and say hello.  And here I am, so hello to you. And I am very glad I came over here.   I was setting here drinking a bottle of water while I was reading your page and you made me laugh so hard I inadvertently spit out my water.  I'm very pleased to say I missed my keyboard by turning my head rather quickly, but only by a few inches; dangerously close it was.  What made me laugh you ask? Your quote below.

21 hours ago, arbor said:

She's like a mean little agitated monkey doused in perfume, fuming over the keys. 

Oh my gosh, every time I re-read this I laugh hysterically all over again and I laugh so hard it brings tears to my eyes.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for this little gem. The rest of the post is extremely funny as well. But on a more serious note, what a nightmare. How do you stand the repetitive noise?  Especially in the heat? This is the type of stuff that makes neighbors go insane and do property damage. Perhaps this mean little agitated monkey will accidentally close the keylid on her fingers thus crushing them and rendering her unable to practice the piano for at least a few months. Because I am a kind person I can't not wish her permanent damage but I can wish for a least a little damage and a temporary reprieve for you.  She can go back to practicing once again in winter when it is cooler and you can turn up the holiday music to drown her out.

 

I hope for continued improvement for you.

 

Warm wishes.
R

 

 

Edited September 10, 2022 by RachelSusan
typo

[arbor]

Thank you @RachelSusan for stopping by.  I appreciate your kind and understanding (!) support.  Congratulations for getting off Zoloft.  That's huge.  I send you best wishes and smooth sailing,

Arbor

[Oaktree1]

On 9/10/2022 at 1:33 AM, arbor said:

She's like a mean little agitated monkey doused in perfume, fuming over the keys.  Currently, and all day, she's working on a syncopated jazz rendition of chopsticks.  Without an ear for rhythm, syncopation is replaced with the manifesto, over and over, of a sputtering machine gun.  I'm also hoping that my healing will include a reduction of self-pity.

Hi Arbor,

 

I second RachelSusan - I marvel at your description of your neighbour.  I don't understand the musical terms but I get the gist of the sound she must be making.  If I were you I would get a very loud ghetto blaster and switch it on in your apartment when you are out.  If she complains  - say you are hard of hearing so you had the turn the music up and did not hear the door and that you were sure she would not mind as she is a person who loves music herself.   Self pity a lot of the time comes from a feeling of powerlessness I think.  You have the power to seriously piss her off back - she can't be playing the piano all day.   What I don't understand is why she can't buy a pair of microphones and use an electric keyboard.  Once you plug that in the sound is muted.  

 

I once roomed next to a dreadful show off - she had her boyfriend over every night and she made the most appalling and obviously fake sex noises until 3 or 4 am in the morning.  So most mornings when I  got up after a night of little sleep I used to put on  Beethoven's Appassionata symphony - (the third movement).  I am not big on classical music but I love this piece and it's extremely loud and angry.  At 9am every morning this horrible little piece was woken to a storm of piano pounding - it annoyed her and made me feel a lot better.   I sometimes imagined her dying from an STD - that also helped.   So I can agree with RachelSusan's fantasy about this person letting the cover fall on her fingers.  What she is doing is so selfish - she's living in an apartment building not a private house.

 

Sorry to hear that all of Puget's Sound is so expensive - it's so large.

 

I am glad to hear that you are seeing some improvements in the last while - my fingers are crossed for your continual improvement.

 

Oaktree 🌸

 

 

[Mirtazapine20mg]

On 9/10/2022 at 2:33 AM, arbor said:

She's like a mean little agitated monkey doused in perfume, fuming over the keys.  Currently, and all day, she's working on a syncopated jazz rendition of chopsticks.

😂😂😂😂😂

18 minutes ago, Oaktree1 said:

I sometimes imagined her dying from an STD - that also helped. 

 😂😂😂😂😂 

 

Both made my day.

[arbor]

Dear @Oaktree1 @RachelSusanand @Mirtazapine20mg You can't imagine how much I appreciate your heartful  (and imaginative!) support.  After louder than ever intrusion from my neighbor, I lay awake all night thinking I must move, but still feeling incapacitated at the prospect.  I had these posts however to accompany me, and I made it to morning.  I want more than it's possible to express for all of us to heal and find our way free from the afflictions of these drugs.  

Many, many hugs,

Arbor 💜

[RachelSusan]

@arbor Now you've made my morning with your thanks and warm wishes.  ❤️

Edited September 12, 2022 by RachelSusan
typo

[Erell]

Dear @arbor, 

Sometimes this withdrawal process feels like we are in expert-level training in patience and acceptance... seriously, we may be perceived as weak and lacking in willpower from the outside, but I have rarely seen as much tenacity as here!
« it would be great if I develop patience » : I can only judge from your posts here, but you already seem to have an advanced level of patience...

Thank you for giving us some news, it always matter to know how you're doing.

I send you some healing and peace wishes, with the hope that my wishes will soon come true ❤️ 

 

[PortugueseSea]

On 9/16/2022 at 3:50 PM, Erell said:

Dear @arbor, 

Sometimes this withdrawal process feels like we are in expert-level training in patience and acceptance... seriously, we may be perceived as weak and lacking in willpower from the outside, but I have rarely seen as much tenacity as here!
« it would be great if I develop patience » : I can only judge from your posts here, but you already seem to have an advanced level of patience...

Thank you for giving us some news, it always matter to know how you're doing.

I send you some healing and peace wishes, with the hope that my wishes will soon come true ❤️ 

 

I really think patience is key. I am learning to make the intolerable tolerable. I've learned that me sleeping is a blessing and a key step for healing.
I am looking forward to sharing this crazy journey with all you unbelievably brave people.

 

Patience, things do get better.