Kay23: I've done too much

[Kay23]

Please god there is no help for this

[Kay23]

@brassmonkey

@manymoretodays

@Greatful

 

Does anyone know from how many times I kindled and am so sensitized that my nervous system no longer reacts right to it's own neurotransmitters? This is unbelievabley abnormal.  This is more than withdrawal and what you guys explain. This is life or death. I am so afraid to die. I cant believe what I did. 

When there is alot of kindling and sensitization. Please tell me what goes on?

[Kay23]

Please anyone???

[brassmonkey]

hi Kay-- I was just reading through your signature. In the last 22 months you have made over 30 major changes to your medications. I think that is the most I've ever seen in that time frame. Your body is screaming out for stability and is rejecting any sort of change you throw at it, which at this point can include eating, drinking water, sleeping, just about anything you do.

 

If you don't make any more changes and give your body lots of time, it will be able to sort itself out and start to calm down. But it is going to take a lot of time and will probably be extremely uncomfortable for most of it. For right now no more changes to medications, keep taking just what you are right now. Don't add anything new, don't increase anything, don't decrease anything. Eat and sleep as best as you can, work on acceptance and get through it hour by hour, day by day.

[Greatful]

@Kay23  Hang in there. I know it's easier said than done. Keep putting on foot in front of the other...Time and patience are going to be a big part of getting through this.  Try not focus so much on why and how, but focus on getting through the day.

If you are able to read, look at the success stories.  Keep reaching out.

🤗

[Kay23]

@brassmonkey

I understand that, but it keeps accumulating fast each day with food and the more stimulating the food the next time I eat it takes less of a stimulus to cause worsening symptoms which indicates somehow kindling got involved with food. I am suffering beyond anything. This isnt normal food reactions. It's the same feeling I got when I kindled by reinstatement of lexapro in January. But amplified 1000x. I don't think this goes away. I suffer with nothing to do and nowhere to go . I have nothing left but I have to get out of my body.

[Kay23]

I cant believe I ended my life by what I did!! Suffering beyond anything. Please God. 

[Happy2Heal]

On 9/13/2022 at 12:14 PM, Kay23 said:

@brassmonkey

I understand that, but it keeps accumulating fast each day with food and the more stimulating the food the next time I eat it takes less of a stimulus to cause worsening symptoms which indicates somehow kindling got involved with food. I am suffering beyond anything. This isnt normal food reactions. It's the same feeling I got when I kindled by reinstatement of lexapro in January. But amplified 1000x. I don't think this goes away. I suffer with nothing to do and nowhere to go . I have nothing left but I have to get out of my body.

hi Kay

just wanted to pop in and say that I'm sorry you're going thru this.

I had an idea- as brassmonkey mentioned, you're going to have a lot of ups and downs no matter what due to the huge number of changes that were made

 

I think it's quite possible that what you are seeing as reactions to food, some of these may be coincidental with the wildly fluctuating symptoms you are going to have due to being in acute withdrawal.

Know what I mean?

 

sometimes we can have a symptom and we immediately think, what did I do or what happened to cause this?

 

in withdrawal/recovery, it's likely that you didn't do anything to cause that symptom- at least part of the time and maybe even most of the time

 

it's the normal symptom pattern for their to be fluctuations that don't usually follow any pattern

 

in any case, please be assured that eating good healthy food is far less likely to be causing symptoms or even making them worse

 

now if you're eating very sugary junk food or the like, sure that may make you feel worse. but regular veggies and fruits and whole grains etc are unlikely to be a problem.

 

it's very  hard when you are feelng poorly to not want immediate relief

it is very hard to accept that during acute early WD immediate relief doesn't usually happen, HOWEVER relief DOES COME EVENTUALLY

 

you can be sure of that!!!!!

 

try as best as you can to relax and not thing overly negative and pessismisstic thoughts, they will not help you any

 

it may seem like you are the "worse case" but believe me, nearly everyone here has gone thru the same and sometimes possibly worse symptoms as you have 

and they got thru it

 

No one will tell you it's easy, it is not

BUT it is most definitely something you can do 

 

 

you really can!!!


many hundreds if not thousands have gone thru this same thing and come out the other side being just FINE and even having a good life (like me)

 

what kinds of things do you normally do to soothe yourself?

 

have you ever used a weighted blanket?

 

tried deep breathing or gentle yoga?

 

what sorts of things can you try to distract yourself from the bad feelings?

 

hang in there, you are going to get thru this.

 

you will find you are stronger than you ever imagined and you  are going to be SO incredibly proud of yourself

 

 

just getting thru the next few hours will be a challenge, we know this, but YOU CAN DO IT

 

you are stronger than you know.

 

think of things that might make you feel better

and most of all, try to stay as calm as you can

 

{{{{gentle hugs}}}}

 

 

[itiscomplicated]

I really feel for what you're going through.

 

I went through a crazy amount of the weirdest symptoms after ending up in a cold-turkey situation in March, and had no idea what was happening

 

I had a lot of weirdness while on the meds as well.

 

At one point in time food would go right through me, I had psychosis, I became extremely chemically sensitive, developed movement disorder symptoms, my mood and energy levels are out-of-whack, there is brain fog, suicidal thoughts, problems regulating my body temperature; there's a lot more.

 

Some of that stuff is completely better by now, some is improving still; it has been absolutely horrible and weird, but improving.

 

Remember that the way you feel today doesn't predict the way you may be doing even a week from now, and that you can heal.

[Kay23]

I let it get to the point of no return. Imagine all these symptoms magnified by 1000. I have to die but do not want to. I am so scared. But I know I did too much and theres nothing left. I kindled and sensitized my nervous system beyond repair. There is no cure for that and nothing works. My life is completely unlivable and and everything makes it worse. I was where alot of people on here were last year and then I kept trying to make myself feel better with supplements and reinstating meds. Its over for me but there is no way to end my suffering. You can't reverse this and mine is so severe.

[Mostafa]

Dear Kay, I have been on this website a lot because of my ordeal but I made account finally to reply to you, maybe it won’t make you feel better but I am in the same place as you, or at least a similar place, so much of what you have described even the random memories popping onto your head, random thoughts with severe derealisation I suffered from all this and I am still struggling (also crazy memory issues) and profound feeling of sadness over the past. It’s crazy.. these drugs were supposed to heal us supposedly. I am 25 year old male wish I never took the advice of relatives to see a psychiatrist. (For panic attacks with brain fog I was getting after Covid). But I wanted to tell you as I am telling myself to not give up. We have to keep on going. There is some spark of the true us deep inside us, now how to get better or cope with all this in the meantime I need guidance with that just as you do honestly. All of these things at once makes me feel trapped in myself… but we will find a way somehow. I am here for guidance as you are. The brain can heal.

[FeralCatman]

@Kay23Not sure if this will help you at all but earlier this year after coming off Seroquel last August and then trying to come off an OTC antihistamine I ended up with severe reactions like what you described. All of a sudden even a glass of water that was just a little too warm or a little too cool was causing a severe reaction. Most things that I used to be able to eat I suddenly could not. My whole body went crazy and I actually ended up having to go to the ER. It absolutely scared me to death and that's saying a lot given that I've been through some pretty scary situations in my life in the military and through my employment but this stuff definitely takes the cake. If you fast forward to where I am now all of that has gotten much better. As I am learning again right now I still have to be very careful because my nervous system is still extremely sensitive and it is easy to fall back but once you learn how your body is responding and give it some time your body finds its way back towards normal. I am definitely not there yet but there is certainly a clear trajectory given enough time. When you're going through the worst of it it feels like it's never going to end but it does. I know it's incredibly difficult but keep trying to hang in there.

[XJessieP]

4 hours ago, FeralCatman said:

@Kay23Not sure if this will help you at all but earlier this year after coming off Seroquel last August and then trying to come off an OTC antihistamine I ended up with severe reactions like what you described. All of a sudden even a glass of water that was just a little too warm or a little too cool was causing a severe reaction. Most things that I used to be able to eat I suddenly could not. My whole body went crazy and I actually ended up having to go to the ER. It absolutely scared me to death and that's saying a lot given that I've been through some pretty scary situations in my life in the military and through my employment but this stuff definitely takes the cake. If you fast forward to where I am now all of that has gotten much better. As I am learning again right now I still have to be very careful because my nervous system is still extremely sensitive and it is easy to fall back but once you learn how your body is responding and give it some time your body finds its way back towards normal. I am definitely not there yet but there is certainly a clear trajectory given enough time. When you're going through the worst of it it feels like it's never going to end but it does. I know it's incredibly difficult but keep trying to hang in there.

How did you resolve those reactions in the end? Did you take something? And what did they give you in the ER?

[Kay23]

Just gets worse everyday and I'm already at the end. My brain no longer connects to anything or knows what to do. I had this before but not to this extent and I just kept making it worse. I am trapped in my body and mind with nothing to distract with because I lost all of it completely. 

 

This isnt withdrawal.  I'm going to suffer immensely the rest of my life.  Feeling dead and like I have to die 24/7 with no way to distract no way to get connection or comfort. No where to go and nothing to do.

Please what causes this? Will there ever be a cure

[manymoretodays]

On 9/10/2022 at 6:30 AM, Kay23 said:

@brassmonkey

@manymoretodays

@Greatful

 

Does anyone know from how many times I kindled and am so sensitized that my nervous system no longer reacts right to it's own neurotransmitters? This is unbelievabley abnormal.  This is more than withdrawal and what you guys explain. This is life or death. I am so afraid to die. I cant believe what I did. 

When there is alot of kindling and sensitization. Please tell me what goes on?

 

Hi Kay23,

It seems/sounds to me like your psych(your mind, thoughts) is/are fighting any healing.  Is there anything at all that has improved, even by one little iota.  Cease the battle of all I can be now is sick and broken.  Let the healing begin.  Give it some room, let it plant itself and begin to bloom.

 

Are you alone most of the time?  That in itself can be a real problem.  Yes, likely that you are somewhat sensitized now.  You ARE reacting, in a sense.......every time you type another post of desperation, and hopelessness.

Did you get anything out of this link?:

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/10914-what-is-happening-in-your-brain/

or:

What is withdrawal syndrome?

 

Your fear of death is no doubt, your mind body wanting to live and hope, and believe in healing.  Take your mind to that place where you are well again or when you last remember being well.  That place still exists in you.

 

I hear your cries of pain sweetie.  And yes, the cure lives inside you......it's there.......I'm telling you.....it is.  The body, the mind......have amazing capacities to overcome.

 

Make this moment into a small miracle of you feeling my hopes for your healing.

 

Best, Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

 

Edited September 19, 2022 by manymoretodays
grammar improvement?

[Kay23]

I found this site too late unfortunately. 

[Kay23]

@manymoretodays

I am being honest. I tried to help myself by offsetting the kindling by using numerous supplements and doing reiki, meditations, vague nerve stimulation, craniosacral therapy, tried reinstating med and tried benzos which I was kindling on. My brain was very good at distracting me the whole time and I did put two and two together that everything I did was further harming me, although I did notice changes. I am to a point where I can no tolerate any stimuli as it further sensitizes me, I am left completely disconnected with absolutely zero of my self left. There is no relaxing in my body or mind at all. 

[Jilla]

I am so sorry you are going thru this. It is very debilitating and I have been where you are at….Thinking I can’t go on another day. But I did start to see signs of improvement, actually felt like I was getting me life back. I said felt, because a few days ago I decided to make myself a protein shake and have been having more withdrawals ever since. But I did have some very good days prior to this, so will just wait it out until my good days kick in again. Please hang in there. My good days gave me the hope that I needed to keep going and to see this thing thru. I am very good at making mistakes  and “hopefully” learning from them. I know now that I am still so very sensitized and must take it slow, slow, slow.🙏🙏🙏

[manymoretodays]

I know you are just being honest Kay23. 

So many of us are hit real hard early on.......only to recover further with time.  You're really sensitized right now.

I just want you to try and grasp on to some hope is all.  Don't give up.  The right things will show up for you when you least expect it and so.......think of anything outside of drugs, supplements, electric treatments.....that you think would help........visualize it.......it'll come.

 

Hugs. L, P, H, and G,

mmt

[MothGarden]

How are you doing @Kay23?