braindead94: I wish I could describe

[braindead94]

36 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

 

Sorry, addressing this is beyond the capabilities of peer support. 

I just try to convince myself it isn't but it feels like it and doctors never blame the meds for anything

[Altostrata]

We're just online peer support, we're not going to be able to convince you that you don't have organic brain disease. 

 

Please let us know if you would like assistance with withdrawal syndrome.

 

Many people find these to be helpful:

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

You might try a low dose of one at a time to see what it does for you.

[braindead94]

My brain has shut down completely. I dont have ONE SINGLE internal process... nothing at all....i cant survive like this. I dont sleep at all for weeks but taking more drugs might end up hurting me more.

 

I cant communicate at all...my little thought is erratic and disorganized...all symptoms worsen and worsen.

 

I tried things but thats just too much...it nevet emds

[Altostrata]

Oddly, your post shows that you can communicate and that your internal processes are functioning, as well as your tendency to overdramatize. See

 

[braindead94]

I actually am suffering cognitively. I can speak yes, but the extent of my intellectual and emptional abilities got restricted to a 1% of what it was.....i cant recall, visualize, problem solve

[Altostrata]

Nobody seems to like withdrawal syndrome.

[braindead94]

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

Nobody seems to like withdrawal syndrome.

Indeed. Beyond all other symptoms only the fact that i sleep minutes a night for months is terrifying enough by itself.

[braindead94]

My brain is completely shut down. Cant visualize, can't reason, cant plan or be creative.

 

No STM and also no LTM

 

My vocabulary and my quality of thought are reduced to that of a prepubescent....im 9 months out still gets worse .

 

What to do 😕 . Supposedly sleep helps a lot on this but I cant sleep normally. Its always light, fragmented and short in time (1-2 hours)

[getofflex]

Less than a year ago, you unfortunately cold turkeyed off multiple psych drugs at once.  This is extremely hard on the brain/nervous system.  It can take months to years to recover from something like this.  

 

What is Happening in Your Brain? (Explains why recovery takes so long)

 

How Long is Withdrawal Going to Take

 

Please realize that in time, you will recover, as long as you take good care of yourself, and don't jump on a drug carousel, so do not lose hope.  I'm sorry you are dealing with this.  Try reading some success stories of people who cold turkeyed.   

 

Cold Turk Mama

 

Cold Turkey/Rapid Taper Success Stories

 

Jubbachub Success Story

 

 

Edited January 11, 2023 by getofflex

[Elaine5]

Hey buddy, 

It sounds like you are experiencing distressing cognitive and emotional issues from the meds and withdrawl. As you can see from this site, that is common for many people and you are not alone. Like Getofflex explained, it’s going to take time for someone’s central nervous system to work its self back to more normal and familiar functioning.

 

but that doesn’t mean that just because you feel really poorly right now that nothing is happening or that healing isn’t happening. We can’t see what’s going on, or feel it, or make sense if it, but it’s happening.

 

sometimes I think about how if I have a scratch or a pimple even, sometimes I’ll still have a little scar or mark from it for 10 months or a year later. But they always go away eventually. So if a little scratch like that needs time to fully heal, so does the brain. 
 

Things are happening and healing is taking place. You have to trust that it is and hand over the control to your body to do what it was born to do- heal and keep you alive. It’s terrifying and painful. But eventually things will start to feel a little more comfortable. 
 

Be as gentle to yourself as possible. Also if it helps any, your vocabulary and cognition are much better than a child. English isn’t even your first language and you’re doing just fine with it. I’m rooting for you! 

[braindead94]

3 hours ago, getofflex said:

Less than a year ago, you unfortunately cold turkeyed off multiple psych drugs at once.  This is extremely hard on the brain/nervous system.  It can take months to years to recover from something like this.  

 

What is Happening in Your Brain? (Explains why recovery takes so long)

 

How Long is Withdrawal Going to Take

 

Please realize that in time, you will recover, as long as you take good care of yourself, and don't jump on a drug carousel, so do not lose hope.  I'm sorry you are dealing with this.  Try reading some success stories of people who cold turkeyed.   

 

Cold Turk Mama

 

Cold Turkey/Rapid Taper Success Stories

 

Jubbachub Success Story

 

 

I have seen people healing but sadly none with my symptoms seem to recover. I've talked to many . Also most success stories seem to follow cycling window/wave pattern.

 

Mine is just a straight downwards slide, all symptoms keep worsening

[Altostrata]

Since we've heard this sad violin song so many times, please forgive the staff if they keep trying to tell you that we've seen people, even those with the same doomy attitude, recover.

 

You cold-turkeyed 3 drugs you'd been taking for many years. Protracted withdrawal is not unexpected. It can last a lot longer than 8 months.

[braindead94]

4 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Since we've heard this sad violin song so many times, please forgive the staff if they keep trying to tell you that we've seen people, even those with the same doomy attitude, recover.

 

You cold-turkeyed 3 drugs you'd been taking for many years. Protracted withdrawal is not unexpected. It can last a lot longer than 8 months.

From the people I have seen here I mostly resemble the symptoms of KatiPerri, Plshelp and some others. Those people sadly got extensive damage which is pretty compatible with my own symptoms (inhibited/shutdown brain, anosmia, total numbness).

It feels like some people are just unlucky and get stuck in this state  I wish this isnt the case. Yeah, I did quit 3 meds at once CT (this was a polypharmacy for 6 months, for the past 10 years I also had residual damage from lower doses that I sparsely took but they never gone away)....that was indeed a mistake, and I think I just destroyed any chance of recovering, since it seems Im oversensitive to these drugs, and I tend to CT....

[Altostrata]

Nobody seems to like withdrawal syndrome.

[Giovanni]

You seem to be experiencing a temporarily inhibited prefrontal cortex (responsible for planning/executing/higher level thoughts).  You will heal, but it will take time.

 

That said, your posts on this thread are quite cogent and understandable.  How long does it take you to type one of them?

 

Maybe you only think  (due to catastrophization) your vocabulary/communication skills are caput, but there are several independent observers on this thread that will tell you otherwise.

 

How do you spend your day, since you sleep only 1-2 hours a day?  Do you work or study? 

 

Or do you primarily surf the internet while you wait for healing?  What percentage of the day are you outside your residence?

[Elaine5]

 
I tried googling antidepressant withdrawl resources in Greece but I’m not finding things here where I am in USA. Have you tried searching for resources there in Greece? Maybe to have a doctor explain to your mom what’s going on. 
 

stop comparing your story to other peoples. Your situation is similar to everyone on this site. Many here were exposed to meds at a young age. Many people took meds for many years. The moderators here are not lying to you. They have encountered more stories here than you and if they say they see people recover, you just have to believe them. 
 

maybe make a list of things that are working, that are okay, things you are grateful for right now, even if it’s short and imperfect. For example, a bed, the sun, fresh water, souvlaki, breathing, eye sight, etc. whatever it is.

 

instead of saying how all these things are terrible and wrong, which of course they are, my friend- we know they are, but it’s not good for YOU to focus on them while they’re happening. Distract! Confuse your thinking- you’re in pain right? You’re upset? You’re hurting? Do the opposite of that. Trick the psyche. In small ways. 
 

Just to validate what you’re going through, your withdrawl is very real and unimaginable. It is painful and scary. You don’t know if you’ll get better. You are lost and feel alone. you don’t deserve any of this and it’s made worse when other people, especially our family, ignore or belittle us or add to our sorrow. 
 

you are not alone and no, despite your persuasive writing, you are not the worst case that’s incapable of progress. That kind of thinking is pretty common here it seems, maybe you can see that catastrophic thinking as a piece of withdrawl too? 

You say you just get worse and worse- can I challenge you to keep an eye open for something, anything, that gets better the next couple of months? 
 

Also, maybe there is another way ri spend your time other than looking at the worst case svebsrios of people who haven’t healed yet. That’s not going to help you. Fresh air will help. Drinking water. Focusing on your breathing. 

 

i am writing this to you because I want you to feel you aren’t alone in this, and to help you see that you can be hopeful. Your healing requires you to be open to the possibility that things can get better. Just be open to that possibility even if it hadn’t happened YET. 

So, I have some homework for you if you feel up to it. 1) make a list of the things your body is doing well, things that are still working. For example, eye sight, hearing, breathing, your skin is protecting you, you can lift things, a cut is healing, etc. 2) make a list of things outside of yourself that you are grateful for. The sun, water, souvlaki lol whatever. 3) three quotes or mantras that inspire you to be patient and positive 

 

 

You can post it here or pm me and I will read these and show some support. 

 

just remember, people recover; why not you?
 

χαλαρά 
 

 

[Elaine5]

 

[braindead94]

I dont know guys. Im just getting worse each day, and i only sit on a chair now. My brain is completely shut down, I cant feel temperature, cant feel hunger etc.....I have spasms all over my body, and absolute smell loss and severe insomnia.

 

I expected ill have a windows/waves pattern, but in my case it just spurals downwards each week and Im unable to stop this.

 

I'm glad for the support..but I think I am one of the unlucky ones, as I was injured before at 17 and till 27 although I never used drugs (sparsely, 1-2 doses maybe) , I never healed from the first round 

 

[Elaine5]

He says he feels HEALED by the end of it. He thought he would never heal, he was on meds for 20 years, had severe symptoms, and is okay now. 

[getofflex]

On 10/4/2022 at 6:07 PM, ElaineBenes5 said:

You need to stop saying it’s permanent. You need to focus on ONE thing that is NOT terrible. It doesn’t have to be good, just not terrible. Breathing. Or food. Or the sun. Or the ocean. Or your mom. Something.just lean into that for dear life for a while. 
 
 

Do not give up, you have to hold on. It’s absolutely awful and unfair. But you can’t keep wallowing in despair 100% of the time. Cut it down to 99%. Then 98%. See what happens. 

 

[Shep]

On 1/12/2023 at 2:54 AM, braindead94 said:

From the people I have seen here I mostly resemble the symptoms of KatiPerri, Plshelp and some others. Those people sadly got extensive damage which is pretty compatible with my own symptoms (inhibited/shutdown brain, anosmia, total numbness).

 

KetiPerri and Plshelp both got stuck in panic mode, which is where you're at, too. It's not so much you have the same symptoms - it's that your response to them is the same.

 

You can continue on this path or you can pay attention to the advice being given to you by the members and staff posting in your thread. You'll benefit from reading the success stories and starting to feel pulled in that direction instead of looking through the intro threads for the people who were trapped in learned helplessness. You're emulating them. We become what we consume. That's the main similarity I see between you and these other members you mention. 

 

I'm not saying that thinking positive will make your symptoms go away, but thinking positive AND bringing in non-drug coping skills such as the "change the channel" technique for distractions will put you on the path that lightens your load. Right now, you're carrying all of the pain that comes from learned helplessness. Learning to distract and look to what you can do as opposed to what you can't do will lighten your load. 

 

Does this make sense? 

 

[braindead94]

I don't understand why i get worse and worse and worse by the day. Hypoesthesia in the whole body, total smell loss, taste loss, no life memories , blank mind and so many more symptoms.

 

I think all these are permanent, or so they seem. I think im the unlucky one who got actual degeneration from this. I dont have waves or windows, just a rapid decline ...

[Shep]

On 9/5/2022 at 9:11 AM, braindead94 said:

My OCD spiked and I catastrophize all the time.

 

@braindead94 Are you working on dealing with the OCD?

 

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or OCD: Repetitive, intrusive thoughts, compulsive behaviors

 

It's not unusual for people who struggle with obsessive thinking to fixate on symptoms when sick. This can lead to health anxiety.

Health anxiety, hypochondria, and obsession with symptoms

 

By not learning how to handle your obsessive and negative thinking, you risk something called "dark neuroplasticity." Here is more on neuroplasticity and dark neuroplasticity:

 

Neuroplasticity video (2 minutes)

 

Just like there are positives to neuroplasticity, be careful of going into spirals of catastrophic thinking, as that can also re-wire the brain. 

 

Norman Doidge - The Dark Side of Neuroplasticity video (2 minutes)

 

Some ways of not going down the dark side of neuroplasticity:

 

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

 

"Change the channel" -- dealing with cognitive symptoms

 

Healing from antidepressants. How to speed up the recovery process video (5 minutes)

 

Braindead, please note that we can only give you this information - it's up to you to use it. 

 

Please don't wear out the staff and members who try to encourage you by continuing to tell us everything you can't do and how doomed you are. It's exhausting for us to read. A lot of people have the same symptoms you have and go onto heal.

 

Please take a look at these links and work on these non-drug coping skills. If you don't put in the effort, you won't get the rewards, just like everything in life.

[braindead94]

Is reinstating a good idea? Im scared maybe I get worse but this thing is really inhumane 

[Shep]

Here is the reinstatement thread:

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

You came off your drugs 9 months ago, so reinstatement would be very risky this far out. 

 

Any thoughts on the non-drug coping skills that have been linked on your thread? Continuing to bombard your nervous system with catastrophic thinking is only making your situation worse. 

[Giovanni]

tl;dr

- Reinstatement a guessing game at this point

- Omega 3, melatonin, vitamin d3 (along with magnesium you already take) supplements could help

- Lifestyle changes are also key - don't sit at home all day.

 

Longer:

 

It's hard to reason about reinstatement far away from a poly-pharmacy cold turkey.  

 

Suppose a member is gradually tapering three drugs: a SSRI, a benzo, and neuroleptic.  A taper would only happen on one drug at a time.  For example, if the SSRI was reduced by 10% from the prior dose and the member experiences multi-day insomnia, it is obvious to recommend a small up-dose.

 

Without that record and strategy, it becomes essentially a guessing game.  Psychiatrists are happy to engage in this guessing game and claim they are "expert clinicians" - that's why so many people are polydrugged.

 

I noticed you aren't taking any omega-3's.  You should (1g - 2g/per day).  You are unlikely see any results in the first few days, but this the type of healthy nutrient that helps over time.

 

You seem depressed and omega-3's help out with that (over time).

 

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/omega-3-fatty-acids-for-mood-disorders-2018080314414

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1892224/

 

In addition, many take melatonin for sleep and sleep is one of the most common withdrawal symptoms.   Melatonin is created in part from serotonin, and your nervous system has been dependent on SSRIs to generate serotonin. 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/189-melatonin-for-sleep/

 

I think you are Greek, it seems?  The great news is hummus (chickpeas) is quite rich in tryptophan, which is a precursor to serotonin.  Try eating a few plates of hummus each day.

 

https://humus101.com/EN/2007/03/03/hummus-instead-of-prozac/

 

Also, AFAICT, you're primarily housebound and get no sun (low vitamin d3, which is crucial for health).  I suggest you make a concerted effort to go outside (ideal) or supplement with vitamin d3.

 

The fact you don't get any sunlight really messes with your sleep-wake cycle and body's natural rhythm.  

 

ALSO: watch success stories.  For example, Angie Peacock slept only 20 minutes for her entire first year off medication, but she still eventually healed.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_hIEwmG_G8

 

It would be helpful for you to make a log of how you spend your time, so more detailed tips can be provided.  For example, here's a log for me:

 

7:30AM - Wake up and shower, small snack (yogurt/banana)

8:00AM - Go to work

9:00AM - Arrive to work

9:00AM -> 12:30PM - Work, surf internet when bored

12:30PM -> 1:30PM - Lunch (I do the OMAD diet btw)

1:30PM --> 2:30PM - Gym

2:30PM --> 5:30PM - Work, surf internet when bored (I am bored right now BTW)

5:30PM --> 6:30PM - Go home

6:30PM --> 11:30PM - Family time

 

You need to fill your days with activities, and not ruminate.  Even if you don't have any job or education, that's fine.  You're recovering.

 

You can go to the library and chill, volunteer at some organization, or just walk around (if it's Greece, there could be a ton of history to explore).  

 

An idle mind is the devil's playground

[stech]

Any updates? 

[SertralineIssues29]

Hey just read through your topic @braindead94 just wanted to see how your getting on these days

 

SI xx 

[braindead94]

3 hours ago, SertralineIssues29 said:

Hey just read through your topic @braindead94 just wanted to see how your getting on these days

 

SI xx 

Hi. I've been worsening in every way since then.

[SertralineIssues29]

8 hours ago, braindead94 said:

Hi. I've been worsening in every way since then.

Damn I'm sorry my dude, have you found nothing for comfort, I know things are bad but maybe you could somehow try to do small things, in small increments? 

 

SI xx 

[SertralineIssues29]

I also read you asked about reinstating, I mean as people have said, it can be risky. I've also seen people who have reinstated after a long time on here and been successful in slowing withdrawals so I do believe that's up to you. Keep us updated though, wishing you all the best

 

SI xx 

[braindead94]

This is very difficult to explain since I've lost almost all my previous cognitive abilities. Although I can still write, my reasoning/abstract thinking capacity is completely diminished, as well as my internal monologue. I have nearly completely lost my headspace and all my life memories are gone. Entering the process of recall is completely impossible.

 

I cant get humor, cant produce it, cant socialize as i did and I lack the actual motivation to do so. My mind is permanently blank/ like I am only my eyes

 

My anosmia and hypogeusia seem to keep worsening, as well as my sexual dysfunction.

 

That being said, for some completely weird reason I feel more "normal" than before some months. I find it unexplainable. I think that mainly it is my lack of awareness , anxiety, and akathisia that play a role in this. It doesnt feel like healing, it feels more like some sick joke of calmness.

 

I'm not jittery or mad anymore, no crying spells etc , my breathing is more regular than before, as I do not feel like I'm going to get a syncope every time I lay on bed. The tinnitus is only felt at night, however my hearing loss seems to have stayed with me.

 

It seems like the overstimulation phase has passed and I now behave more "normally", however my most concerning symptoms (those mentioned above) are even worse than they were initially during withdrawal.

 

In other words my personality remains completely wiped out yet a lot of concerning physical symptoms + agitation/akathisia seem gone.

 

I am wondering if anyone else here had a similar experience. Initially I had a phase of "hypomania (?)" with extreme mood swings , headaches , flashbacks, random popping images , breathing issues, insomnia , involuntary movements etc. 

 

These are gone or reduced. However amnesia/intelligence loss/critical thinking skills/insight/reasoning/self-awareness/emotional numbness/pssd are worse than in acute.

 

What should I make of this? 

[Altostrata]

On 4/27/2023 at 5:49 AM, braindead94 said:

In other words my personality remains completely wiped out yet a lot of concerning physical symptoms + agitation/akathisia seem gone.

 

Congratulations! How difficult it must have been for you to admit of some improvement.

 

As explained to you many times, emotional anesthesia is a "normal" legacy of spending many years on psychiatric drugs.

 

On 11/6/2022 at 1:23 AM, Altostrata said:

You have been on at least an antidepressant for 20 years, more or less. When you are on these drugs for that long, quite often people feel blank, demotivated, and emotionally anesthetized. Is that the root of your dramatizations?

 

That post-drug effect very gradually goes away over many months. For this and for withdrawal syndrome, you need to get out as much as you can, get at least 1/2 hour of gentle exercise per day, feed yourself healthy food, drink a good amount of water, etc.

 

For the learned helplessness and support in unpatienting yourself, you might want to see a psychotherapist or other counselor.

 

Wishing you continued inprovement.

[braindead94]

9 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

Congratulations! How difficult it must have been for you to admit of some improvement.

 

As explained to you many times, emotional anesthesia is a "normal" legacy of spending many years on psychiatric drugs.

 

 

Wishing you continued inprovement.

Thank you Alto. I think that I did not notice the improvement on my physical symptoms quickly enough, but I do appreciate the fact that many subsided.

 

However its so difficult to recognise what exactly is happening in me since my awareness of my self is incredibly reduced (like anosognosia).

 

I have to correct a mistake I did though about my medication history. I was only on sparse doses of zoloft (only at 25mg) from 2012 to 2022 (yet they did damage me enough). My worst issues begun after being polypharmed and abruptly quitting the meds in 2022.

 

Althrough my physical symptoms subside my cognitive and emotional ones (as well as sexual) are very concerning to me and they do seem to worsen without any sign of improvement. I am very pessimistic about their progression since judging from my past , the previous cog/emotional damages never reversed (they were WAY more mild though).

 

I just hoped these could come back, at least to a point that makes life liveable, even if I'm not as sharp or sensitive as before.

 

Thank you again.

[manymoretodays]

AccountSettings/signature - quick link for edits, hit Save at bottom when done

[braindead94]

1 hour ago, manymoretodays said:

AccountSettings/signature - quick link for edits, hit Save at bottom when done

Thank you. I've updated it.