Thorin: withdrawal from Latuda

[littlebird]

15 hours ago, Thorin said:

I even have moments where I actually feel excited lol.

Heck yeah!!!! 🥳

[Thorin]

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

Heck yeah!!!! 🥳

Thanks LB

[Carmie]

On 11/7/2023 at 11:49 AM, Thorin said:

Wowsers! Midday dose of clonazepam is gone as of tomorrow. Just took my last midday dose. Also, the wave I was in has lifted substantially. The waves are hard and fast but every time I get a window I’m even better than the window before. The dizziness/ vertigo has largely gone away for the moment. That symptom was bothering me a lot so its absence is quite a relief. Still a ways to go (not a long way really) and I’ll be off this crap. I’m even daring to hope that it might only take a few months to heal from this stuff when I’m off completely. Having said that I’m at peace with the fact it may take longer.

Glad to hear that you’re seeing improvements Thorin. Sorry to hear that you had to cancel your holiday, but good on you for taking care of yourself 💛

[littlebird]

On 11/7/2023 at 12:14 PM, Thorin said:

On 11/7/2023 at 11:12 AM, littlebird said:

Heck yeah!!!! 🥳

Thanks LB

As my partner says, "Bank that feeling." Something to remember that's hopeful next time those jerk benzos are bullies and trip you into a wave. I'm telling you, benzos are the flipping worst and you're strong as hell to keep pushing through tapering them. That's some serious work you're doing on your nervous system! 

[Thorin]

Man benzos!! Had a bad morning, pretty good middle of the day with a window where I took my daughter for lunch and now I’m back in a wave again. On my first day of a hold. Will hold for a week or two then finish my taper. The is wave is all feeling Ill and OCD symptoms. Intrusive thoughts blergh it’s rough.

[Poppy745]

5 hours ago, Thorin said:

Man benzos!! Had a bad morning, pretty good middle of the day with a window where I took my daughter for lunch and now I’m back in a wave again. On my first day of a hold. Will hold for a week or two then finish my taper. The is wave is all feeling Ill and OCD symptoms. Intrusive thoughts blergh it’s rough.

Hi @Thorin Saw your situation come up on the feed. I'm really sorry you are feeling so bad today. I hope this changes soon. I have had the most terrible intrustive thoughts for over a week now. It's really hard I know. I have had some great support from others on here, who have reminded me that I am not my thoughts.  Today has been a little better. Keep going. I just had a look at your thread and you are doing great! 🙂

[Thorin]

6 hours ago, Poppy745 said:

Hi @Thorin Saw your situation come up on the feed. I'm really sorry you are feeling so bad today. I hope this changes soon. I have had the most terrible intrustive thoughts for over a week now. It's really hard I know. I have had some great support from others on here, who have reminded me that I am not my thoughts.  Today has been a little better. Keep going. I just had a look at your thread and you are doing great! 🙂

Hi Poppy745, thanks for dropping by. The intrusive thoughts are so hard to tolerate. They’re hard to get distance from and to get some perspective on. Hard to remember they’re not you until they leave and give you some peace for a bit. Thanks for reading my thread. You would have seen that as I held I got to a really good place. I recommend holding for a bit if it gets to hard. Holding lets you catch your breath. Finding a good therapist, or someone, to share the thoughts with can help as well. At the moment it’s just particularly severe for me because it’s benzos. I can’t wait until I get a break from it. We’ll both get a break eventually.

[Poppy745]

6 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Hi Poppy745, thanks for dropping by. The intrusive thoughts are so hard to tolerate. They’re hard to get distance from and to get some perspective on. Hard to remember they’re not you until they leave and give you some peace for a bit. Thanks for reading my thread. You would have seen that as I held I got to a really good place. I recommend holding for a bit if it gets to hard. Holding lets you catch your breath. Finding a good therapist, or someone, to share the thoughts with can help as well. At the moment it’s just particularly severe for me because it’s benzos. I can’t wait until I get a break from it. We’ll both get a break eventually.

@Thorin For sure, it feels impossible to get away from the thoughts, when in a deep wave. It is about 9.30pm here and the anxiety usually goes away at this time, which is such a relief. It is impossible to describe how awful the thoughts are when they get in. I wish there was something I could say that would help. Remember they have always passed before and they will again. I hope the sun is shining for you tomorrow or today (I guess it's maybe morning over there) You have a fantastic attitude and it will get you there. 

[Thorin]

49 minutes ago, Poppy745 said:

@Thorin For sure, it feels impossible to get away from the thoughts, when in a deep wave. It is about 9.30pm here and the anxiety usually goes away at this time, which is such a relief. It is impossible to describe how awful the thoughts are when they get in. I wish there was something I could say that would help. Remember they have always passed before and they will again. I hope the sun is shining for you tomorrow or today (I guess it's maybe morning over there) You have a fantastic attitude and it will get you there. 

Thanks Poppy, that’s fantastic that you get some relief in the evening. Is that after you’ve taken your dose? Sounds like you’ve got a lot of this worked out and have a good attitude too. Accepting the withdrawal and being pragmatic about it is key. We’re sick now because we’re withdrawing, the symptoms will stop as we heal. I can already see symptoms that have stopped for me (new ones have started) but I’m slowly improving and healing. It’s 0930am here and the sun’s shining. I’m working but hope to go for a walk with the dog in a bit and may even try a little jog. Do you have people around you to support you through this?

[Poppy745]

8 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Thanks Poppy, that’s fantastic that you get some relief in the evening. Is that after you’ve taken your dose? Sounds like you’ve got a lot of this worked out and have a good attitude too. Accepting the withdrawal and being pragmatic about it is key. We’re sick now because we’re withdrawing, the symptoms will stop as we heal. I can already see symptoms that have stopped for me (new ones have started) but I’m slowly improving and healing. It’s 0930am here and the sun’s shining. I’m working but hope to go for a walk with the dog in a bit and may even try a little jog. Do you have people around you to support you through this?

@ThorinNo, suprisingly I take my dose in the morning . Even in cold turkey the anxiety used to go at about 9.00pm(Usually, occasionally not). I have it worked out when I'm feeling ok. It is so hard to stay positive in the hard times, but I'm working on it! 😄I have my husband supporting . He is great, but like us all, we want this to be done with. I have some good friends, and they try to understand, but it's not an easy thing to understand. You are right. We are always healing. There is a guy on youtube, who shares videos about his benzo experience. It is called: Philoposhical Fishing Dan Landauer. He is really positive. It might be of help. Have a good day. Enjoy your run with the dog. 

[Thorin]

7 minutes ago, Poppy745 said:

@ThorinNo, suprisingly I take my dose in the morning . Even in cold turkey the anxiety used to go at about 9.00pm(Usually, occasionally not). I have it worked out when I'm feeling ok. It is so hard to stay positive in the hard times, but I'm working on it! 😄I have my husband supporting . He is great, but like us all, we want this to be done with. I have some good friends, and they try to understand, but it's not an easy thing to understand. You are right. We are always healing. There is a guy on youtube, who shares videos about his benzo experience. It is called: Philoposhical Fishing Dan Landauer. He is really positive. It might be of help. Have a good day. Enjoy your run with the dog. 

Hi Poppy, glad you’ve got some support. Must be very hard for those doing this alone. Thanks for sharing the guy on YouTube. Will definitely have a look. Sitting at the computer in the sun working at the computer. Not a bad office. Have a good night 😊

[Thorin]

I’m frequently stronger than I realise. I felt like there was no way I could go for a jog. I thought I’d walk the whole route. But I jogged most of it, and the dog got to patrol the neighbourhood and was happy. I feel calmer and more settled now and it’s easier to focus on work. Not in my head as much. 

[Thorin]

7 hours ago, Poppy745 said:

Philoposhical Fishing Dan Landauer

Thanks for sharing this. It was comforting to see someone that had gone what I’m going through and had largely come out the other side. Needed that today 🙏🏻

[Thorin]

Today was a difficult day, not because my symptoms were overwhelming though. Today it was beautiful and sunny. I sat outside and worked at my computer. Not a bad way to make money! But the problem was, I felt like I should be enjoying the day. I WANTED to enjoy the day. But today withdrawal largely stopped me feeling pleasure and some OCD symptoms that have been distressing me hung around just enough that I couldn’t relax. It was hard. It’s almost easier to feel COMPLETELY horrible. You can’t feel what you’re missing. Having said that, the fact that I didn’t feel COMPLETELY horrible suggests that I’m doing ‘ok’ and more healing is coming. 
 

also, day 2 of a short hold. Down to 0.25mg (0.125mg morning and night). I am actually getting off this poison people. High fives all round! I just completely stopped my middle dose (tapering) and I’ll never be on a higher dose of benzos again, than I am now. 
 

Stay strong people. We’ll get there eventually.

[Poppy745]

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

It’s almost easier to feel COMPLETELY horrible. You can’t feel what you’re missing. Having said that, the fact that I didn’t feel COMPLETELY horrible suggests that I’m doing ‘ok’ and more healing is coming. 

@Thorin I understand this feeling. I'm glad your jog went well. The 'ok' you feel hopefully shows that it is coming. I am glad you found Dan at PF useful. He is enjoying his life again. I have also come across others who are as well. Keep going Thorin.  

[Thorin]

24 minutes ago, Poppy745 said:

@Thorin I understand this feeling. I'm glad your jog went well. The 'ok' you feel hopefully shows that it is coming. I am glad you found Dan at PF useful. He is enjoying his life again. I have also come across others who are as well. Keep going Thorin.  

I won’t give up if you don’t!

[Thorin]

Day 3 or 4 of my hold. Weird day. Was exhausted and stayed in bed until 1pm (it’s Saturday). Then went and saw some friends that I hadn’t seen in probably 12 months. Then cause hit up with my kids and my partner and then went home. What’s weird is that I feel really crap. I know I’m in withdrawal but if you asked me I couldn’t actually tell you what any of my symptoms are today beyond a little anxiety. But I just feel really blergh. I feel physically and emotionally heavy would be some sort of description. And I’m really struggling a lot with ‘is it me or the meds’ lately. Maybe because even in my windows I still feel crap so I worry if all this is just the new me.

[Addax]

2 hours ago, Thorin said:

And I’m really struggling a lot with ‘is it me or the meds’ lately. Maybe because even in my windows I still feel crap so I worry if all this is just the new me.

You probably know what I’m going write…

 

It’s not the new you. It’s not you at all other than you are having to experience it.  It sounds like fog, low mood, with some anhedonia perhaps, or maybe it’s a state I can only think to describe as a feeling of not feeling much of anything, or maybe like depression but you can’t actually feel like… like a ghost of something. Or maybe I’m way off, because there are so many emotional or emotional-like experiences that I’ve had, or read about here on SA, that have a similar “I’m not sure how describe it” flavor.

 

Maybe the window is a tinted one right now… but regardless, it’s your experience right now… it’s not you.  

[peaceandlove]

On 11/9/2023 at 2:44 PM, Poppy745 said:

@Thorin For sure, it feels impossible to get away from the thoughts, when in a deep wave. It is about 9.30pm here and the anxiety usually goes away at this time, which is such a relief. It is impossible to describe how awful the thoughts are when they get in. I wish there was something I could say that would help. Remember they have always passed before and they will again. I hope the sun is shining for you tomorrow or today (I guess it's maybe morning over there) You have a fantastic attitude and it will get you there. 

hey you two. Just wanted to let you know I also get these awful intrusive, repetitive, OCD thoughts. It is truly horrible. In a bad wave they are hard to escape. Some days they are very intense, some days not as much. I look forward to night time too as I feel more like myself & dread morning time. You guys aren’t alone. We got this though, let’s keep fighting  

[Thorin]

20 hours ago, Addax said:

You probably know what I’m going write…

 

It’s not the new you. It’s not you at all other than you are having to experience it.  It sounds like fog, low mood, with some anhedonia perhaps, or maybe it’s a state I can only think to describe as a feeling of not feeling much of anything, or maybe like depression but you can’t actually feel like… like a ghost of something. Or maybe I’m way off, because there are so many emotional or emotional-like experiences that I’ve had, or read about here on SA, that have a similar “I’m not sure how describe it” flavor.

 

Maybe the window is a tinted one right now… but regardless, it’s your experience right now… it’s not you.  

Thanks Addax. It’s really messing with me at the moment. Today had little to no obsessive thinking though which suggests that if it can come and go it’s not permanent. Hope you’re well.

[Thorin]

1 hour ago, peaceandlove said:

hey you two. Just wanted to let you know I also get these awful intrusive, repetitive, OCD thoughts. It is truly horrible. In a bad wave they are hard to escape. Some days they are very intense, some days not as much. I look forward to night time too as I feel more like myself & dread morning time. You guys aren’t alone. We got this though, let’s keep fighting  

Hey Peaceandlove thanks for dropping by and sharing. Sorry you’re having these symptoms too. They’re the worst! Today hasn’t been as mentally difficult for me which was a relief but I did go for a short drive to get some jam donuts and a short walk with the dog and had to have a long sleep on the couch afterwards. It’s nuts!

[Thorin]

So I’m noticing some symptoms are dropping away as I progress or cycling around and coming back but a little less intense.

 

I had severe heart palpitations/spasms. They’ve been gone for a while

 

the dizziness, floaty/boat feeling is much less frequent and not as intense when it shows up. This one really bothered me for quite some time.

 

less head pressure/head sensations.

 

less body sensations associated with emotions

 

less eyesight issues

 

a few more things as well. I’m in struggletown but making progress and things are shifting as I move along the path of tapering.

[Poppy745]

2 hours ago, peaceandlove said:

hey you two. Just wanted to let you know I also get these awful intrusive, repetitive, OCD thoughts. It is truly horrible. In a bad wave they are hard to escape. Some days they are very intense, some days not as much. I look forward to night time too as I feel more like myself & dread morning time. You guys aren’t alone. We got this though, let’s keep fighting  

Hi @peaceandlove Thank you for your support. Yesterday the intrusive thoughts were much better. Yes it is very intense. I do not want them to return, so that is what I am say to myself: They will not return and they will not win! We do have this Peace and Love! 

[littlebird]

On 11/11/2023 at 11:17 PM, Thorin said:

I’m in struggletown but making progress and things are shifting as I move along the path of tapering.

Hey neighbor in struggletown, hope we make progress right outta here into recoveryville! 

[Thorin]

18 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Hey neighbor in struggletown, hope we make progress right outta here into recoveryville! 

I’d like to visit that place!

[littlebird]

55 minutes ago, Thorin said:

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

Hey neighbor in struggletown, hope we make progress right outta here into recoveryville! 

I’d like to visit that place!

We'll get there, just gotta survive Struggletown. I hear after Recoveryville there's Thrive City, so we have a lot to look forward to.

[Thorin]

On 11/13/2023 at 8:06 PM, littlebird said:

We'll get there, just gotta survive Struggletown. I hear after Recoveryville there's Thrive City, so we have a lot to look forward to.

Look out thrive city I’m coming!

[Thorin]

Switched my bedtime Benzo dose to the liquid last night. In a week i’ll switch the morning to a liquid too and wait a week. Then, the last 0.25mg to come off. This may be the hardest bit, but it’s also the last bit!!!!

[j1290]

Super exciting, man.  I know you can do it!

[Thorin]

53 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Super exciting, man.  I know you can do it!

It’s happening man but god it’s hard. I’m doing it though! I now feel so strongly about people being prescribed this med incorrectly that I want to start some sort of action to educate these idiots that prescribe us these drugs. Not sure whether I’ll actually do anything, or what it would look like of I did. In other words I’m pissed.

[Thorin]

Well I’m happy to say I’m getting a bit of symptom relief. Feeling very run down and burned out but feeling a little more positive. Got some good feelings going which is a huge relief. A big part of this Benzo withdrawal is constant anhedonia. Pretty much not feeling anything good. Had my first therapy session in ages and it confirmed that therapy is not what I need at the moment. Trying to be super healthy during this taper. Trying to give my body what it needs while I put it through this. Hope everyone is well!

[littlebird]

13 hours ago, Thorin said:

Had my first therapy session in ages and it confirmed that therapy is not what I need at the moment.

Yooooo I've been wondering if therapy is what I need too. It's been disruptive emotionally, has brought more problems than it's solved, and I found myself annoyed (after searching for ages for a weekly therapist) that I'd have to devote time weekly to this process (including the crying after). Plus it's out of pocket too?

 

I dunno man, it's kinda doing my head in to be feeling this way cause I always thought therapy was what you did for the trauma and I've been seeking out therapy for almost a year now. Now I have it and it feels wrong? I really don't know what to think about this. What makes you think it's not for you? 

[Thorin]

2 hours ago, littlebird said:

Yooooo I've been wondering if therapy is what I need too. It's been disruptive emotionally, has brought more problems than it's solved, and I found myself annoyed (after searching for ages for a weekly therapist) that I'd have to devote time weekly to this process (including the crying after). Plus it's out of pocket too?

 

I dunno man, it's kinda doing my head in to be feeling this way cause I always thought therapy was what you did for the trauma and I've been seeking out therapy for almost a year now. Now I have it and it feels wrong? I really don't know what to think about this. What makes you think it's not for you? 

Hey LB. I just don’t have the strength to go deep into deeply emotional issues at the moment. I need my energy for tapering and getting through this. Therapy will be there afterwards when I’m feeling better.

[Thorin]

So I’ve been holding my dose for about 7 days and as of two nights ago I have switched the night time dose from a tablet to a liquid. In a week I’ll switch the morning dose from a tablet to a liquid also. Then I plan on completely destroying any remaining tablets in celebration and defiance. Then, about 4 months and I’ll be off benzos. Unfortunately it’s hard to be sociable at the moment but if I can just push through and get off this **** I’ll improve and start wanting to connect with people again. Gets a little lonely riding the tapering rollercoaster but my energy is more limited than it’s probably ever been and it is what it is until i get through the other side of this thing. Also, wondering whether becoming a tapering coach at the end of all this is a possibility. All these people have that we don’t have is that they’re further down the road than us…… I’m going to look into this.

[LotusRising]

11 hours ago, Thorin said:

Then, about 4 months and I’ll be off benzos.

 

You are on the homestretch, this is exciting! How has your transition over to liquid been?

 

11 hours ago, Thorin said:

Then I plan on completely destroying any remaining tablets in celebration and defiance

 

Yes! I did this too - very cathartic! 

[Poppy745]

14 hours ago, Thorin said:

So I’ve been holding my dose for about 7 days and as of two nights ago I have switched the night time dose from a tablet to a liquid. In a week I’ll switch the morning dose from a tablet to a liquid also. Then I plan on completely destroying any remaining tablets in celebration and defiance. Then, about 4 months and I’ll be off benzos. Unfortunately it’s hard to be sociable at the moment but if I can just push through and get off this **** I’ll improve and start wanting to connect with people again. Gets a little lonely riding the tapering rollercoaster but my energy is more limited than it’s probably ever been and it is what it is until i get through the other side of this thing. Also, wondering whether becoming a tapering coach at the end of all this is a possibility. All these people have that we don’t have is that they’re further down the road than us…… I’m going to look into this.

@Thorin Rooting for you Thorin! Not far now. I find watching the tapering coaches advice of Youtube really helpful and comforting. I have come across a few in America, so it would be good for there to be one in Australia. We need some in the UK as well. Everywhere would be good!