Thorin: withdrawal from Latuda

[Thorin]

2 hours ago, LotusRising said:

My anxiety has been pretty good! It was off the charts right at the beginning, but since then most of my taper has been primarily physical symptoms. I'd say my symptoms still trigger my anxiety sometimes, but the anxiety itself is okay. 

 

What type of anxiety are you experiencing? I know it can look a little different for everyone.

That’s great that you only had anxiety at the start! It would make it much more tolerable.

 

For me the anxiety can be specific, things at work that wouldn’t usually make me anxious can make me extremely anxious at the moment for example. Any stress really triggers intense anxiety. Sometimes I’ll just get waves of intense anxiety and fear for no obvious reason. It’s just chemicals and my CNS being way out of wack. I seem to be coming out the other side a bit now after holding for a couple of weeks. I’ll give it one more week then will probably restart my taper. I’ll try a little slower to start with I think and see how I respond.

[littlebird]

3 hours ago, Thorin said:

I’ll give it one more week then will probably restart my taper. I’ll try a little slower to start with I think and see how I respond.

Probably a good idea to play it safe, seems like this taper is a beast and a half! Hope you're taking care of my pal Thorin with some self-soothing and doing things just for fun and nice treats and whatnot. 

[Thorin]

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

Probably a good idea to play it safe, seems like this taper is a beast and a half! Hope you're taking care of my pal Thorin with some self-soothing and doing things just for fun and nice treats and whatnot. 

Hey mate. Yep, this is a hard one. Time to be more mindful of they. We took ourselves to a music festival today and caught up with some friends. Been really nice and I’m doing well but plenty of wobbly moments. I’m taking some time out in the car just now and doing some breathwork to bring myself down a notch. Going to watch one more band and will be home by 6pm. Hope you’re well!

[j1290]

5 minutes ago, Thorin said:

I’m taking some time out in the car just now and doing some breathwork to bring myself down a notch

You're a rockstar, good on you for showing up for Team Thorin!   Self regulation is where it's at, and those 10 percent solutions all add up.   If you feel like it, give yourself a 1-10 anxiety score and do a quick 5-4-3-2-1 and EFT Tapping and see what your score is afterwards.   Each of those takes it down another point or so for me, and they're so quick and easy to do.   

 

Have a great time!

[Thorin]

19 minutes ago, j1290 said:

You're a rockstar, good on you for showing up for Team Thorin!   Self regulation is where it's at, and those 10 percent solutions all add up.   If you feel like it, give yourself a 1-10 anxiety score and do a quick 5-4-3-2-1 and EFT Tapping and see what your score is afterwards.   Each of those takes it down another point or so for me, and they're so quick and easy to do.   

 

Have a great time!

Haha thanks man. Trying me best. I need to try that EFT again actually. I’ll try that out.

[Thorin]

Best day I’ve had in quite some time. Went to a local music festival and met some friends there. Two days ago I was a mess of withdrawals. Today I was able to attend a festival. I took it slow and had plenty of wobbly moments but I really enjoyed myself. This time last year I could no longer feel music. Today my love for music was back if slightly marred by withdrawal. Things will only get better. My bears are ringing from the last band. Music induced some tinnitus instead of withdrawal 😂. Absolutely awesome rock gods from Melbourne. Haven’t seen a band like them in a long time. Completely blew me away. I even danced! 

[Cheeky]

Hey Thorin,

I justed wanted to come by and say your killing it this taper. 👍I love following you and reading your posts, your very strong and you should be so proud of yourself.

We really need something in Australia to be set up to help people and support them through this . I would love to get this happening for us Aussies. 

 

Cheeky

[Thorin]

1 minute ago, Cheeky said:

Hey Thorin,

I justed wanted to come by and say your killing it this taper. 👍I love following you and reading your posts, your very strong and you should be so proud of yourself.

We really need something in Australia to be set up to help people and support them through this . I would love to get this happening for us Aussies. 

 

Cheeky

Hey Cheeky, I was just thinking about you the other day and wondering how you were going. Then I just saw your post and saw that you’re making progress. Not long ago you felt completely stuck! You’re doing it you legend!

Thank you for saying I’m strong. I don’t feel I am (occasionally I see it). Then you come along and say it and I think ‘yeah. I’m doing it’. Keep us update. You’re amazing for being able to do this while managing a business and kids. You’re damn strong yourself. I have no doubt you’ll succeed. ☺️

[Thorin]

I’ve just realised I’m feeling worse after my dose. I was super relaxed and feeling good this morning. Took my morning dose and stress and anxiety rapidly appeared. I can feel the agitation in my body. Might have to restart my taper sooner than I thought. Benzos are a beast! It’s a good sign that I am ok without the meds and a sign that the meds are causing my ‘problems’.

[Thorin]

Big wave today. In bed all day. The waves tend to last about 1.5 days. Hopefully a bad wave is a sign that things are about to get better.

[Poppy745]

On 11/27/2023 at 11:02 PM, Thorin said:

I’ve just realised I’m feeling worse after my dose. I was super relaxed and feeling good this morning. Took my morning dose and stress and anxiety rapidly appeared. I can feel the agitation in my body. Might have to restart my taper sooner than I thought. Benzos are a beast! It’s a good sign that I am ok without the meds and a sign that the meds are causing my ‘problems’.

Hi @Thorin Sorry to hear you have been in a wave for a little while. But remember it will pass. I know what you mean about feeling worse after the dose. I often feel that the waves are worse after taking the dose. I hope your wave is starting to lift and you can continue your taper soon. 🙂

[LotusRising]

8 hours ago, Thorin said:

Hopefully a bad wave is a sign that things are about to get better

I don't doubt for a moment that this is true! Are you starting to feel any better yet?

 

I just got through a wave myself. It always feels like doomsday when it happens doesn't it? And then all of a sudden, the sun comes out and the birds are singing and life is great again  

[Thorin]

10 hours ago, Poppy745 said:

Hi @Thorin Sorry to hear you have been in a wave for a little while. But remember it will pass. I know what you mean about feeling worse after the dose. I often feel that the waves are worse after taking the dose. I hope your wave is starting to lift and you can continue your taper soon. 🙂

Thanks Poppy. Yesterday was pretty bad but today is much improved. Still pretty shaky from yesterday though and nervous it will come back worse. Holding my dose and doing all the self care I can until I stabilise.

 

Thanks!

[Thorin]

9 hours ago, LotusRising said:

I don't doubt for a moment that this is true! Are you starting to feel any better yet?

 

I just got through a wave myself. It always feels like doomsday when it happens doesn't it? And then all of a sudden, the sun comes out and the birds are singing and life is great again  

Sorry to hear about your wave. I hope you're getting them less and less. It absolutely does feel like doomsday when they hit and that was the worst one of this benzo taper so far. Fortunately the waves only seem to last about 1.5 days max. Feeling better today but anxious and vigilant for any waves returning....

[Thorin]

Finally feel like I’m getting back to an ok place today. Each day has been an improvement but today I actually felt a bit of relief. Went out in the field for the first time in a while for work. Actually enjoyed it. Managed to fill up two sets of waders with water but it was a hot sunny day so I didn’t really care. Ended up shirtless in the water in the middle of a university campus 😂. Hell, it’s a university. Guaranteed I’m not the first person to end up in the water there. Had two bouts of anxiety during the day and a bit of depersonalisation/derealisation. Very common in Benzo withdrawal apparently. Uncomfortable but not actually going to hurt me. It seemed to pass once I started focussing on work and stopped thinking about it. Felt good to be able to do a full days work without much struggle for the first time in about 2 months. I’ve not made any changes to my dose in 2 weeks and will give it one more week at least to make sure o&’ strong enough to restart my taper. I’m also nervous about restarting my taper but I won’t let it stop me. I will be dropping by 5% first to test the waters I think and then will give it 2-4 weeks to see how I feel. If I can speed up to 10% then great. But slow and steady is the aim. Hope you’re all well.

[j1290]

5 hours ago, Thorin said:

Felt good to be able to do a full days work without much struggle for the first time in about 2 months.

This is huge, congratulations!  Sounds like a fun day at the office, actually 😆

[Thorin]

Well it’s been three weeks since I made any changes to my dose. My ability to work and quality of work is improving. But the very low mood and feeling of being ‘traumatised’ is still present. The morning cortisol spikes are slowing down a little so small improvements. When I restarted this taper all I cared about was getting off. Now, it’s all about quality of life while I’m tapering. I’ll hold until I feel more on top of things then resume a slower taper. So sick of living in the tapering world. Very ready to put this behind me.

[FireflyFyte]

6 hours ago, Thorin said:

When I restarted this taper all I cared about was getting off. Now, it’s all about quality of life while I’m tapering. I’ll hold until I feel more on top of things then resume a slower taper.

 

I think this is the perfect way to approach tapering. I can fully understand the desire to get off these medications as quickly as possible but quality of life is more important. I hope that you continue to stabilize and improve, Thorin.

[Thorin]

On 12/13/2023 at 12:15 AM, FireflyFyte said:

 

I think this is the perfect way to approach tapering. I can fully understand the desire to get off these medications as quickly as possible but quality of life is more important. I hope that you continue to stabilize and improve, Thorin.

Thanks FfF. Every day I’m a little more improved and hope to start tapering again soon.

[Thorin]

Oof, my dose hit me like a tonne of bricks this morning and I’ve been in a heavy depression all day. This too shall pass, but when it does I hope it stays the **** away. Pardon the language but it feels appropriate right now.

[Thorin]

Depression seems to be lifting. Phew that was a hard day.

[littlebird]

10 hours ago, Thorin said:

Depression seems to be lifting. Phew that was a hard day.

Glad it's lifting! It got worse after your dose? Damn these meds, man.

[Thorin]

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

Glad it's lifting! It got worse after your dose? Damn these meds, man.

They’re tough LB.

 

Smaller morning cortisol spike again. Still present but not as intense. Still seeing small

improvements regularly. Despite yesterday being very difficult. Would love the anxiety to back off just a little.

[Thorin]

Feeling significantly better today which is welcome. Work is easier to complete and was able to go for a jog. Feeling more positive and open however still having wobbly moments and some emotional blunting. That’s ok though. I feel ‘well enough’ and can go about my life. Just bought a portable ice bath. It was amazing when I was doing them regularly so thought I would incorporate it into my health routine. Maybe I can convince some mates to get in too! 

[Thorin]

Going to make the most of feeling reasonable and cook roast boar with green beans, mashed potato and a jus. My partner has been doing most of the cooking the last 6 weeks while I’ve been struggling so my turn to cook something nice.

[Addax]

Very glad to read you’re feeling significantly better.  I know a full window would be great but any improvements like you describe are positive signs of healing and moving toward more relief.  
 

It’s winter here and reading that you purchased a portable ice bath made me shiver.  Do you have to fill it with ice yourself or does it plug in and is self chilling? I picture a doorless refrigerator on its back.  Do you keep it indoors?

 

🥶 Brrr! 
 

 

[Thorin]

16 minutes ago, Addax said:

know a full window would be great but any improvements like you describe are positive signs of healing and moving toward more relief

Thanks Addax. I’m just happy with signs of healing at this point. I’ll keep holding until I feel ‘ok’ though. Hopefully not too much longer.

 

16 minutes ago, Addax said:

It’s winter here and reading that you purchased a portable ice bath made me shiver.  Do you have to fill it with ice yourself or does it plug in and is self chilling? I picture a doorless refrigerator on its back.  Do you keep it indoors?

I’ve done ice baths in winter but I imagine my winters are a bit more mild than yours. We don’t get snow where I am in Australia but it does get cold!

 

They do seek things like what you’re describing or some people just by a chest freezer and fill it with water. Mine’s round and about a metre tall. Similar to this.. I’ll freeze my own ice in ice trays and big bottles. Would love a more expensive one but it will have to wait until I’m rich which I’m sure is not too far away 😂.

 

I also bought myself two tickets to see a musician called Nick Cave in concert next April as a gift to myself and a book I’d been wanting for a while. It’s been a while since I spoiled myself and it felt good!

[Poppy745]

16 hours ago, Thorin said:

Feeling significantly better today which is welcome. Work is easier to complete and was able to go for a jog. Feeling more positive and open however still having wobbly moments and some emotional blunting. That’s ok though. I feel ‘well enough’ and can go about my life. Just bought a portable ice bath. It was amazing when I was doing them regularly so thought I would incorporate it into my health routine. Maybe I can convince some mates to get in too! 

Hey @Thorin It is good to hear that you are having a good day. The ice bath sounds good. Hope it gives you some nice windows. 

[Addax]

A friend of mine just posted a video of himself in a homemade ice bath. It looked like a large metal tub, like one horses might drink from. It was filled with a ton of ice and water. He looked so calm getting in and sitting in it.  I’m intrigued but not enough to step into one.  
 

Have you heard of or tried a float tank? Sometimes called deprivation tanks.
 

That’s cool about the Nick Cave tickets and spoiling yourself. Good for you!  The first time I heard his music was the Peaky Blinders opening track, Red Right Hand - which I like very much. I’m going to make a point of listening to more of his stuff. 
 

 

[Thorin]

9 hours ago, Addax said:

A friend of mine just posted a video of himself in a homemade ice bath. It looked like a large metal tub, like one horses might drink from. It was filled with a ton of ice and water. He looked so calm getting in and sitting in it.  I’m intrigued but not enough to step into one.

It’s not easy and it’s not comfortable but that’s the point. Getting comfortable with uncomfortable. It takes effort to remain that calm when getting into iced water. You can then apply that to other parts of your life. Plus you feel incredible afterwards. Alive!

 

9 hours ago, Addax said:

Have you heard of or tried a float tank? Sometimes called deprivation tanks.

I’ve done this a couple of times. It’s really relaxing. Highly recommend.

 

9 hours ago, Addax said:

That’s cool about the Nick Cave tickets and spoiling yourself. Good for you!  The first time I heard his music was the Peaky Blinders opening track, Red Right Hand - which I like very much. I’m going to make a point of listening to more of his stuff. 

He’s very good. Quite powerful, intense music. I have to be in the mood but when I am it’s great to rock out to!

[Thorin]

Well, still seeing small improvements daily. Physically I feel maybe 80% which is a vast improvement and I can push through the weakness/fatigue and it’s fine. Still struggling with mental and emotional symptoms though. I’m able to perform better at work again and go out in the field without worrying I’ll get hit hard by symptoms again which is a relief. Have some mental symptoms that are hard. Today I got some intense intrusive thoughts. I just let myself feel the feelings that go with it and accepted that’s how I felt in the moment. Was hard but achievable. I got similar intrusive thoughts for a period of time when I was a kid going through severe abuse. Hard to know whether what I’m experiencing now is me, me but made much bigger and worse by withdrawal, or just withdrawal. It doesn’t really matter I guess. The way to deal with it is the same regardless. I suspect it’s a mixture of me and withdrawal though so hopefully this will just ease off over time. We’ll see. Got a week off over Christmas. For you people in the northern hemisphere I plan on spending the week snorkelling for abalone and crayfish, maybe fishing and just relaxing at the beach! 🏝️. If I feel good at the end I’ll restart my taper!

[Thorin]

I don’t want to jinx myself but I feel

like I had a reasonable sleep, woke up at a reasonable time. Have run around having a good time buying things I need for a short holiday, have listened to and enjoyed music. Cooked a roast for everyone last night and basically just feel reasonably human today. Not without little wobbles but so much better than I have been in ages. If this is a sign of things to come then this is all worth it. Going to keep holding and think I will restart my much slower taper on New Year’s Day. It’s 1 pm and I’ve just run out of steam so am going to meditate and rest for a little bit then might take the dog for a swim. I guess the thing that feels remarkable is that it’s been a long time since I got up at a reasonable time and had the energy to run jobs and enjoy it. Hope things just continue to improve. I have no doubt they will. They’ve been slowly improving for a few weeks now. 

[Thorin]

Well I’m having more ‘ok’ days than I was and times wasting so I restarted my taper this morning. I’ll halve my taper speed and take as many breaks as needed and hopefully this last leg of the Benzo journey will be a bit gentler.

[LanaCoFireBird]

I’ve read the last page of this and have witnessed part of your journey. Just wanted to say you’re killing it and I fully support you restarting and slowing down. I’m restarting a taper after half a year off. 

[Thorin]

1 hour ago, LanaCoFireBird said:

I’ve read the last page of this and have witnessed part of your journey. Just wanted to say you’re killing it and I fully support you restarting and slowing down. I’m restarting a taper after half a year off. 

Hey thanks so much for commenting. Always makes me feel good 😊. I’m getting through it. It’s far from easy but I am doing it with some success and having some good moments alongside the difficult stuff. Well done on getting to a point where you feel ready to taper! You should be proud! I held for 11 months at one point and it was worth it. Hope your journey from here is as easy as it can be. Happy New Year!

[Thorin]

Quick check in. I’ve been having a break from the internet and most things withdrawal. It’s been good for me. I started tapering again on the last day of 2023z. Going very slowly to start. Good to be making progress again. Main issues at the moment is anxiety and anxiety related symptoms like depersonalisation. I’ve been trying to use the DARE response by Barry McDonagh. It’s basically the Claire Weeks approach. I make myself do all the things despite being anxious basically. The anxiety’s not there all the time but often enough at the moment. Typical Benzo withdrawal.