AmitV: Escitalopram Withdrawal - Anxiety, Chronic Dizziness & High Heart Rates

[AmitV]

11 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

@AmitV don’t get overly concerned about that test. It is limited, we are so complex and are made to heal and like you mentioned you may have adapted previously. You can adapt again. It’s had to believe how dangerous these drugs are. But others have been worse and have survived and thrived. Just be patient and kind to yourself. ❤️

That is my hope. I’ve been asked by my doctor to do a comparison MRI in June to compare the MRI from March. Since I had a brain lesion and a few spots in the white matter. Nothing affecting the vestibular region our nerves. To see if anything has changed. Let’s see how that goes. 

I just don’t believe that SSRI’s don’t cause neuropathy. Tardive Dyskensia is a real accepted effect of SSRI. If you can get that, it can truly effect nerve functioning. What a horrible mistake these drugs are, i realize it’ they’re life savers for when they work and taken appropriately. But boy 6 weeks of it turned my life into a horror show!

 

 My doc put me on Ativan at the same time because I was getting really crazy about the side effects, so he put me on Ativan to shut me up, because he thought it was my anxiety. So my cognition switch went off when making a decision.

[LostInCanada]

@AmitV definitely it is easier for the doctors to drug us and keep us compliant than to actually do their job. Absolutely our whole nervous system has been affected and everything else. These drug companies know what they are doing. Being sued was factored in to the loss/profits, it’s all about the money. What a system.

[AmitV]

I keep following all these posts to see how well people are doing. My ability to weather these withdrawls is dwindling rapidly. I’ve been bed ridden, brain fog and cognition completely shot. Short term memory is completely shot! Long term memory is seemingly returning. Chronic fatigue has taken over my life. 
 

vestibular issues are getting better but my ability to rehab everyday has significantly declined. I can walk better and my balance has improved. My vision has been ruined. I never wore glasses in my life and now I have multiple vision issues. Side to side head motions are still hampered (but much better than before). My general day to day ability to think of getting healthy nutrition and a walk is really getting affected. I don’t even have the energy to sit and watch tv. 
 

i struggle to go out for a walk. I struggle to think clearly. Somedays anxiety cripples me, other days I’m so exhausted I can’t even think of anxiety. 
 

The only thing I can do well without any medication and just a cup of nighty night tea is sleep well. Which comes with vivid dreams, not something that bothers me, they’re not nightmares.
 

What a wild ride this has been! Hope everyone else is doing better. 

Just taking omega 3, magnesium and vitamin D.

 

at first I was beginning to see a decline in my symptoms, felt more energetic and went out for daily walks, memory was better, make better emotional conversations with my wife, chat and text on the phone and now back in bed! Even reaching the phone and typing or talking to someone is a chore. 
 

Doctors have given up! They just say it’s my anxiety and I should try another medication or RTMS therapy. I’m like I’m bed ridden from the first one that I took for 6 weeks. I’m suffering badly since stopping for 14 weeks. What is an anxiety treatment going to do for me.

 

My will to try and survive this is dwindling very quickly. Negative ideations take over my mind very quickly and often.
 

My wife sends someone to check in on my everyday. Every time there’s an accident on the road that she hears on the radio, she calls me right away to check if I’m still home and safe.

[LostInCanada]

@AmitV I am genuinely so sorry to hear this. I got hit so bad at the 3 month point off...that is why I reinstated. I was such a mess, and still am but not as bad. My husband still fears leaving me alone, that's why he quit work. The damage... Acceptance, patience, prayer ... The body will heal. Minute by minute. ❤️

[AmitV]

I’m sorry to hear that. I can’t believe it, I only took it for 6 weeks and I’m bed ridden with no hope of reinstatement because my vestibular symptoms (balance and side to side head motions) are better and I don’t want to ruin that. 
 

Just moving along one day at a time. Life is passing by me and I haven’t a clue what’s happening in my surroundings.

[Go2zero]

None of these withdrawal symptoms are permanent. One day a symptom goes and another may follow. And after time that will also go. Symptoms can also return again. This is all part of healing.

 

Most important however is believing in recovery. Trust is so important in healing. The ones who believe in healing are the ones who succeed. 

The right mindset is so important. Don't let yourself fooled by tests and doctors who say it is permanent. Or who say you should take psychotropic drugs....

[AmitV]

9 minutes ago, Go2zero said:

None of these withdrawal symptoms are permanent. One day a symptom goes and another may follow. And after time that will also go. Symptoms can also return again. This is all part of healing.

 

Most important however is believing in recovery. Trust is so important in healing. The ones who believe in healing are the ones who succeed. 

The right mindset is so important. Don't let yourself fooled by tests and doctors who say it is permanent. Or who say you should take psychotropic drugs....

you’re right I told doctors that no more meds. Just psychotherapy. I’ll even try hypnotherapy in my current state of debilitation since I don’t move very much, but no meds no RTMS. 
 

it can get so hard though to see myself in this state and for my wife to see me like this.

[LostInCanada]

22 minutes ago, AmitV said:

it can get so hard though to see myself in this state and for my wife to see me like this.

This isn't you... it's the drug. Remember that. We have all had to humble ourselves going through this but we are going to be better for it. I was where you are six months ago and I am healing. You will too.

I read somewhere this person forced themself to smile when ever they saw their reflection in a mirror. You feel crazy doing it but it actually helps in some weird way.

 

[AmitV]

1 hour ago, Go2zero said:

None of these withdrawal symptoms are permanent. One day a symptom goes and another may follow. And after time that will also go. Symptoms can also return again. This is all part of healing.

 

Most important however is believing in recovery. Trust is so important in healing. The ones who believe in healing are the ones who succeed. 

The right mindset is so important. Don't let yourself fooled by tests and doctors who say it is permanent. Or who say you should take psychotropic drugs....

has anyone healed from staying in bed with all these symptoms and feeling crippled? 
 

when I move about I get the anxiety from my balance problems, I get push and pulled in different directions. I’m always skipping and hopping when I’m walking. 
 

The floor Beneath me feels unstable and tilted. My side to side head movements go like a whoosh, like brain can’t catch up to what the eyes are focusing on.

 

I can’t even remember to pay bills on time, leave alone trying to remember what I did at my job.

 

my memory used to be razor sharp. I needed no reminders to pay bills or a calendar to mark things. I knew when I needed to do what and always met deadlines. Now I can’t even remember that I should eat at some point during the day. 

[LostInCanada]

@AmitV you are definitely in the thick of protracted withdrawal. You will heal. I couldn't leave the bedroom for months, I still struggle with basic math despite being an accounts manager, I forget if I put something on the stove, couldn't make a simple decision like what to eat...it is slowly getting better. I've read of some on here that did everything wrong, had horrible symptoms and have healed. Our bodies are amazing. It's hard to be positive but that in itself is healing. 

[AmitV]

I just fear I’m going to do something wrong or leave the stove burner on and forget. 
 

I’m an engineer and I don’t remember 95% of my job and I’m like, this can’t be right. I struggle to even watch tv, the most basic distracting thing in life. I sit there and have no idea what to do with the tv remote.

[LostInCanada]

@AmitV trust me, we have all dealt with this or are dealing with it now. I haven't watched tv in months and thought I will see what I am still recording and I didn't know how to access it. Or I go to shut off my phone and I take a screenshot. It's so frustrating but our bodies/brain are just working overtime in more important areas. It takes so much energy to converse. But we will get there. Hopefully you will get a little window soon.

[j1290]

1 hour ago, AmitV said:

I struggle to even watch tv, the most basic distracting thing in life. I sit there and have no idea what to do with the tv remote.

Oh yeah, I hear you.  The less I ruminate on stuff like that the better.  I had to make a conscious decision to consider my symptoms as normal.  It took some of the energy out of noticing them and made it easier to move forward.  That said, it took me a while to get to that point, and fingers crossed you will recover before that.   

 

Time really seems to heal everyone.  Hang tight, your turn will come!

[AmitV]

6 hours ago, LostInCanada said:

@AmitV trust me, we have all dealt with this or are dealing with it now. I haven't watched tv in months and thought I will see what I am still recording and I didn't know how to access it. Or I go to shut off my phone and I take a screenshot. It's so frustrating but our bodies/brain are just working overtime in more important areas. It takes so much energy to converse. But we will get there. Hopefully you will get a little window soon.

That’s another thing I get worried about, I don’t quite see those windows. My vision issues start unresolved, side to side vertigo has improved but I have some kind of weird vision issues where everything in my field of vision seems to be shimmering and gently floating around even when I’m sitting still. I excessively blink my eyes to the point my eyes hurt bad. My photophobia is absolutely excessive. And of course by balance is getting better but still bad. The excessive eye blinking basically makes me functionally blind. 
 

I’ve heard that sometimes vision problems can be permanent. It really scares me. 

[LostInCanada]

@AmitV this whole process is scary but don't overthink it. Sertalineissues29 just posted and he had so many issues and he is 75% feeling better. I think if he can get there so can we. I've been taking this drug over 20+, that freaks me out.

[Altostrata]

On 6/1/2023 at 3:29 AM, AmitV said:

side to side vertigo has improved

....

And of course by balance is getting better but still bad. 

 

We expect to see very slow, gradual improvement. You are seeing such improvement. Hang in there!

[AmitV]

34 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

 

We expect to see very slow, gradual improvement. You are seeing such improvement. Hang in there!

thank you alto, I’m a vegetable at this point. No one understands it, and my brain teens tells me I’m stuck in this. I can’t logically stitch together improvements in my mind. 
 

my brain is so fogged up, lack of clarity, memories. Short term memory is shot.

 

the thought of ending my life takes over most parts of the day. I try and logically remind myself it’s the drug and not me, but the feeling is overwhelming.

[AmitV]

How does one deal with life ending thoughts?

 

It’s so hard, If I walk I start swaying and bobbing. The only thing I can do is lay down with eyes closed. The moment I open my eyes my vision or my head is lost in space like an astronaut. Everything moves around in my vision. The vestibular folks explained that it’s not coming from my vestibular issues if there are any in the first place, it’s hard to say I may have always had the vestibular issues and my central system would’ve adapted quickly. 
 

These withdrawals are a horror show! I just want to escape! Already tried 2 SSRI before all of this began. Took trintellix for 2 weeks, then escitalopram for 4 weeks. That’s how it all started, can’t go back on SSRI, can’t stay off it. What does one do? Take a benzodiazepine to try and survive?

[LostInCanada]

🙏🙏🙏

 

[Conner]

3 hours ago, AmitV said:

How does one deal with life ending thoughts?

 

It’s so hard, If I walk I start swaying and bobbing. The only thing I can do is lay down with eyes closed. The moment I open my eyes my vision or my head is lost in space like an astronaut. Everything moves around in my vision. The vestibular folks explained that it’s not coming from my vestibular issues if there are any in the first place, it’s hard to say I may have always had the vestibular issues and my central system would’ve adapted quickly. 
 

These withdrawals are a horror show! I just want to escape! Already tried 2 SSRI before all of this began. Took trintellix for 2 weeks, then escitalopram for 4 weeks. That’s how it all started, can’t go back on SSRI, can’t stay off it. What does one do? Take a benzodiazepine to try and survive?

Are the vestibular folks saying it’s the ssri causing it? This happened to me. Merry go round of drugs. Check my signature. I promise it gets better. I’ve been there. I sway and Bob when I lay down. It’s not as bad anymore walking around but I get the spacey feeling. You’re going to look back in a year and see the progress you’ve made 

[AmitV]

27 minutes ago, Conner said:

Are the vestibular folks saying it’s the ssri causing it? This happened to me. Merry go round of drugs. Check my signature. I promise it gets better. I’ve been there. I sway and Bob when I lay down. It’s not as bad anymore walking around but I get the spacey feeling. You’re going to look back in a year and see the progress you’ve made 

No, the vestibular folks found a very strange inner ear disorder. They said it’s extremely rare, that its not from virus, bacteria or menieres. 
 

But they’re just as perplexed as to how it started. I told them on day 12 of taking SSRI it all began. They believe I’ve always had this condition (since I had no injury or trauma or hearing loss) and SSRI broke my central adaptation and my brain has to relearn.

 

But it can only relearn when the brain is in a stable state. Right now it’s up and down. My mental health is completely shot! Depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. 

[AmitV]

Are there any folks here who actually went from being bed ridden to completely resolved and back to our better than life prior to without reinstatement? Could use some hope.

 

I don’t drive anymore because of vertigo and visual disturbances. I can’t think clearly. Remembering to pay bills is hard. My memory is faded, brain fog is totally overtaken it. I used to be extremely sharp with my thoughts and memory. I travelled to 38 countries and now I can’t even get to the grocery store. Leave alone trying to go to work with the vertigo. I can barely cook and feed myself. 

 

If I sit in front of the computer for more than 10 mins, my brain just gives up and I can’t anymore. 
 

feels like I’m on a different planet.

 

a little hope would be quite helpful with some stories of people who resolved and got much better and back to normal life.

 

I mean I only took SSRI for 1.5 months. This is miserable being like this for 3.5 months. First I was getting better, things were getting more clearer, focus and optimism was a bit better, now I’ve crashed again. 
 

after all the tests and MRI’s my doc tells me I have some kind of dysautonomia. And I’m like have you been to SA.org? Thanks for the GP’s advice to keep going with terrible side effects and then saying I can just stop. I still tapered myself for a few days.

[Comecloser80]

@AmitV

Hi, I was on few different drug for short time. I went through very intense withdrawal around the clock. 
now, I am almost 22 weeks out and I am going through windows and waves and there is a definite improvement but very slow. 
it would have been much better if I could sleep few more hours extra. 
So, I just want you to know it does gets better with time. 
just remember, you were on few different drugs even though you took it only for short time. 
Howz your sleep? 
 

I wish you get some relief soon. 
Hang in there!!! 

[AmitV]

18 minutes ago, Purae said:

@AmitV

Hi, I was on few different drug for short time. I went through very intense withdrawal around the clock. 
now, I am almost 22 weeks out and I am going through windows and waves and there is a definite improvement but very slow. 
it would have been much better if I could sleep few more hours extra. 
So, I just want you to know it does gets better with time. 
just remember, you were on few different drugs if though you took it only for short time. 
Howz your sleep? 
 

I wish you get some relief soon. 

thankfully sleep is the one thing that I’ve been getting a proper 8hr each night. Which I imagine helps the recovery process. I’m not taking any sleep meds for it. Just 5mg melatonin, apigenin (chamomile) supplement and a cup of peppermint tea.

 

This is probably the first time I’ve actually felt what people call a downward wave. Before this I thought I was gradually improving. Then a downward trend in a matter of 2-3 days, like someone flipped a switch.

[Comecloser80]

That’s very good that you are sleeping well and it’s not affected. I wish you a speedy recovery.

 

I am hopeful that we will go back to our old self given enough time. 

 

Sending you some healing vibes.

 

[Chompoo]

@AmitV I am so sorry you are suffering. Waves are hard to bear, aren't they? I've felt the same hopelessness before. But I also realise that I get to a higher baseline after each wave. It does appear that while our body is temporarily disregulated during a wave, some healing is still taking place behind the scenes. 

I hope your wave passes soon, Amit. Sending you a big hug.

[AmitV]

2 minutes ago, Chompoo said:

@AmitV I am so sorry you are suffering. Waves are hard to bear, aren't they? I've felt the same hopelessness before. But I also realise that I get to a higher baseline after each wave. It does appear that while our body is temporarily disregulated during a wave, some healing is still taking place behind the scenes. 

I hope your wave passes soon, Amit. Sending you a big hug.

Thank you so much for your hugs. It’s been a tough go with it. I get up and do things in short bursts and then the moving head side to side, up and down vision doesn’t quite catch up stability wise just yet. And that starts to make me imbalances. 
 

but for the most part I do things in 10-15 min bursts and go back to bed. Its a miserable thing to experience. 
 

while in bed all I can think of is when this will pass and why it’s taking forever. It’s such a nightmare.

[Chompoo]

@AmitV good to take it slow for the time being. Indeed, antidepressant withdrawal is such a long miserable experience. Hang on in there! Your wave could be over in a few days.

[AmitV]

1 minute ago, Chompoo said:

@AmitV good to take it slow for the time being. Indeed, antidepressant withdrawal is such a long miserable experience. Hang on in there! Your wave could be over in a few days.

I’m curious to know if anyone on SA spontaneously recovered? One fine day woke up better, better the next day and resolved in 3-4 days.

 

a lot of literatures speak of spontaneous recovery, but it all sounds like massive cover up of reality.

[Chompoo]

@AmitV we can get over waves in a few days. But it takes many many waves before our full recovery. Just don't lose hope before you get there!

[AmitV]

4 minutes ago, Chompoo said:

@AmitV we can get over waves in a few days. But it takes many many waves before our full recovery. Just don't lose hope before you get there!

sadly the balance problems come in waves too. The rehab therapist says recovery is in waves. It’s hard to say what’s causing what, but my god that medication ruined my sanity. The very thing it was meant to treat, made it 10 folds worse with the head movement and balance issues and HPPD. Even visual issues, flashing lines in my vision (getting better), vertical misalignment in left eye (goes away, then comes back, happened twice already), left eye vision tremors, I had a lot of symptoms of hallucinogen persisting perceptual disorder (I never consumed hallucinogens in my life, but SSRI’s are implicated in it too - they’ve gotten better). I’m told I had a full on neurological injury with SSRI, and my doc kept chalking it as side effects and instead of weaning me off, kept me on benzos so I wouldn’t think of them. Wasn’t until I came off benzos, was I like what the hell is going on! I yelled so hard, it totally freaked him out and then he was like I guess these are not working for you.

 

And it’s true all of these are listed as side effects and withdrawal effects, but lord I didn’t get the simple ones like headaches and nausea. I would’ve gladly traded these for headache and nausea.

[Go2zero]

 

This topic shows very well what is going on in our brain. Healing is certainly taking place during waves. The waves are actually a sign of healing. Parts of the brain and nervous system are temporarily switched down, so that other parts can heal. Although the first post in this topic is written about benzo's, the idea of healing is more or less the same.

 

 

The next 2 topics give also very good and extensive info about the healing processes. Please take time to read it all carefully. Take your time. Problems with reading and vision are also common withdrawal symptoms. 

 

Accept the symptoms while they are there. Do not fight them, or want them to go away. That will only make them last longer... You will get there. We all can heal. Important to accept, be kind and compassionate to yourself and give it time. 

 

 

 

 

[Altostrata]

On 6/5/2023 at 2:17 AM, AmitV said:

No, the vestibular folks found a very strange inner ear disorder. They said it’s extremely rare, that its not from virus, bacteria or menieres. 

 

This is a physical disorder they can see?

 

On 6/5/2023 at 2:17 AM, AmitV said:

I told them on day 12 of taking SSRI it all began. They believe I’ve always had this condition (since I had no injury or trauma or hearing loss) and SSRI broke my central adaptation and my brain has to relearn.

 

This is possible -- you had an adverse reaction to the SSRI that exacerbated this existing condition.

 

13 hours ago, AmitV said:

Are there any folks here who actually went from being bed ridden to completely resolved and back to our better than life prior to without reinstatement?

 

Since your symptoms emerged within a short amount of time on the drug, it is likely you are experiencing the consequences of a significant adverse reaction to the drugs, not withdrawal syndrome. Your situation is like this: Adverse reactions to an antidepressant within a few doses -- how long for recovery?

 

While recovery is slow and frustrating, we have a number of people who have recovered from these adverse drug reactions. You can find them -- their topics are tagged "immediate adr".

 

[AmitV]

2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

This is a physical disorder they can see?

 

 

This is possible -- you had an adverse reaction to the SSRI that exacerbated this existing condition.

 

 

Since your symptoms emerged within a short amount of time on the drug, it is likely you are experiencing the consequences of a significant adverse reaction to the drugs, not withdrawal syndrome. Your situation is like this: Adverse reactions to an antidepressant within a few doses -- how long for recovery?

 

While recovery is slow and frustrating, we have a number of people who have recovered from these adverse drug reactions. You can find them -- their topics are tagged "immediate adr".

 

Yes correct, it’s a measurable inner ear disorder on a neurovestibular assessment. But they asked the question how I got it? No blast trauma, no head injury. Seems like I’ve always had this off balance and susceptibility to SSRI.

 

I had a glimpse of this condition a couple of times in my life. Didn’t last long.

 

3 years ago I took nortryptaline for 5 days and I was spacey and imbalanced.

 

5 years ago I took Benadryl for sleep for 6 days. Same thing. Benadryl is a weak SSRI.

 

unfortunately my doctor had put me on benzos at the same time, so I wasn’t thinking properly.

 

id love to go exercise, but I can barely go out for a walk.

 

this is one of those synaptic serotonin deficiencies in the vestibular system that has gotten better but doesn’t respond to adding more serotonin to the gut like vitamin D, etc. 

 

The brain has to recalibrate all over again or to connect to its existing maps.

 

[Altostrata]

All we can say is hang in there.

 

Many people find these to be helpful:

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

You might try a low dose of one at a time to see what it does for you.

[AmitV]

3 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

All we can say is hang in there.

 

Many people find these to be helpful:

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

You might try a low dose of one at a time to see what it does for you.

@Altostrataive been taking both magnesium and omega 3, along with vitamin D (have a deficiency) with probiotic, vitamin B complex (suggested by neuro for neurological injury-if any) and curcurmin for inflammation. 

The supplements and rehab are probably the only things that are helping.

 

I should say that in response to the vestibular disorder. I also had a spontaneous gaze evoked nystagamus in my vision. So doctors are still perplexed if this is a neurological injury or an existing compensation that got lost. Gaze evoked nystagamus is a hallmark of vestibular disorders.

 

my brain stem testing was completely normal, but the left inner ear organs are not communicating. One is partially communicating. Which is why it’s very rare, because usually vestibular labrynthis or neuronitis only effects one or the other either the saccule or utricle. In my case both are effected. I’ve had no injuries whatsoever. Thanks to the partial communication of one organ I’m not spinning. But everything around me moves gently and depersonalization is due to the other organ which measure’s acceleration and gravity. Which is why I’m floating in space even in a static position with my eyes open my vision is floating. It’s gotten better presumably due to vestibular compensation and rehab. And wearing prism lens to suppress the nystagamus. I was able to remove the lens 3 days ago. The lens stopped working and probably made me feel worse, so I presume it’s getting better. 
 

When I’m sitting in the car as a passenger, the depersonalization and vision issues disappear. Presumably because the organ responsible for measuring acceleration gets stimulated somehow. As soon as the car stops, and I don’t even have to get out of the car all my vision issues return immediately and I get an intense feeling of still moving in the same direction.
 

it’s tough because despite all the testing and measurements, my wife still thinks “it’s all in my head” and I should get out and start driving and doing things, as if though I have a toolkit ready to deploy on my brain and fix it up. 
 

Mix a real problem with an existing mental health issue and everyone just presumes “it’s in the head” and reinforces that you just need to be medicated for anxiety and depression.

 

anyone experiencing the above will have anxiety and detrimental thoughts.