AmitV: Escitalopram Withdrawal - Anxiety, Chronic Dizziness & High Heart Rates

[LostInCanada]

2 hours ago, AmitV said:

my wife still thinks “it’s all in my head”

I hate to see her think this. I wish we did just have such fantastic imaginations to make this crap up. What would be the benefit of being bed ridden and house bound? 

[AmitV]

Just now, LostInCanada said:

I hate to see her think this. I wish we did just have such fantastic imaginations to make this crap up. What would be the benefit of being bed ridden and house bound? 

 

@LostInCanada I hear you. At no point in my life despite covid, shoulder surgery, other illnesses I was hospitalized for (typhoid & malaria) when I was young have I been bed ridden this long. A week to 2 weeks tops. Went back to life as much as I could with my limitations and drove with a sling in one arm 2 days after shoulder surgery. This is nothing like that. God, this is awful.

[LostInCanada]

@AmitV we deserve to win against all this insanity. I am glad I am stubborn but it is hard because it is so constant. 

[AmitV]

3 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

@AmitV we deserve to win against all this insanity. I am glad I am stubborn but it is hard because it is so constant. 

@LostInCanada I’ve always been stubborn to win a health battle. I’m loosing this one pretty badly. It’s a long list of symptoms that has practically no cure.

 

i can do the vestibular rehab, only if I can get myself out of chronic fatigue that I’m in now. 
 

Life passes by and I have no idea where I am or what I’m supposed to be doing.

[LostInCanada]

@AmitV I just have to believe we can win against all odds. 

[AmitV]

18 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

@AmitV I just have to believe we can win against all odds. 

I would’ve already won this battle if it wasn’t for the vestibular issues and vision problems. By balance is lost and my vision is messed (oscillopsia and gazed evoked nystagamus) when I move. My senses except for hearing. 

today I have nausea that I didn’t have earlier.

[AmitV]

My doctor has recommended it’s time to head back to the hospital for an admission. He doesn’t think this is right, he understands that it could be an adverse reaction, but it’s lasted far too long with the plethora of symptoms. 
 

he feels there is an underlying auto immune or dysautonomic condition that is causing this. 
 

i think I had a specifically bad case of ADR for 6 weeks and then withdrawals due to abruptly stopping after 6 weeks. Total rollercoaster. 

[Comecloser80]

56 minutes ago, AmitV said:

@LostInCanada I’ve always been stubborn to win a health battle. I’m loosing this one pretty badly. It’s a long list of symptoms that has practically no cure.

 

i can do the vestibular rehab, only if I can get myself out of chronic fatigue that I’m in now. 
 

Life passes by and I have no idea where I am or what I’m supposed to be doing.

Amit, I suffered chronic fatigue for more than 2 months but it has subsided .I still feel tired doing minimal activity. 

Even at times, I lose hope that I will not go back to my old self but do i even have a choice. 
If I go to Doctors , they will only throw more pills at me thinking it’s all in my head.

I think only TIME can heal us. Please have patience. 
I am hoping myself to see some improvement in a yr time.

 

 

[Chompoo]

4 hours ago, AmitV said:

My doctor has recommended it’s time to head back to the hospital for an admission.

Getting admitted into hospital would be a bad idea. Doctors only have one thing in their toolbox - more pyschotrophic drugs. They will try several on you to see which one works, and cold turkey you quickly when switching you from one to the other. This will mess up your central nervous system even further and worsen your condition.

It takes time, lots of time, to heal. There's no shortcut. Don't do it, @AmitV.

I suffered an immediate adverse reaction to only ONE pill and I'm still suffering more than 4 months later. It's unlikely I will be well at the 6 month mark. I don't even know if I will be recovered at 1 year. But what choice do I have? I'm certainly not going to let more doctors mess me up.

[AmitV]

1 hour ago, Chompoo said:

Getting admitted into hospital would be a bad idea. Doctors only have one thing in their toolbox - more pyschotrophic drugs. They will try several on you to see which one works, and cold turkey you quickly when switching you from one to the other. This will mess up your central nervous system even further and worsen your condition.

It takes time, lots of time, to heal. There's no shortcut. Don't do it, @AmitV.

I suffered an immediate adverse reaction to only ONE pill and I'm still suffering more than 4 months later. It's unlikely I will be well at the 6 month mark. I don't even know if I will be recovered at 1 year. But what choice do I have? I'm certainly not going to let more doctors mess me up.

@Chompoo I hear you and I won’t take any psychiatric drugs. I’m getting admitted under my doctors referral to internal medicine (sort of Dr. House) to figure out what’s really going on. My anxiety and depression stems from the balance problems and vision problems. 
 

i have all the symptoms of bilateral loss of labyrthine. I had clogged ears (inner ear inflammation) when I got on SSRI and again when I got off. 

 

Until someone can seriously make note of the extent of this condition, such as internal medicine, I won’t get the proper support and if needed an implant or a stimulator. Until then it’ll always get written off as anxiety and I will stay bed ridden. I also have a internal auditory canal mri in June 13, that may or may not show something. While I have all these symptoms the neuro clinic showed that the brain stem was getting proper signals from my right ear, I’m not sure if that’s a conclusive test. 
 

The idea is to get someone’s attention that it’s not anxiety and not PPPD. My doctor agrees it’s not anxiety and he’s referred my over to internal medicine at the hospital. Unfortunately I have to get hospitalized through psychiatry route. I’ve been there before 3 months ago and they didn’t force any meds, they knew I was there because I was suicidal (who wouldn’t be with symptoms of bilateral labrynthitis) and I needed a safe place to be in while I did CBT and meditation and consulted neurologist and ENT during my stay without waiting for months. They were good to me and let me take the omega 3, magnesium supplements as well as ran other tests for hormonal and other deficiencies.

 

the pshychiatrist is a professor at university of Calgary and said, I will only make things worse for you if I force meds down your throat. If I’m ready for it, she has a few to discuss, other than that she I’m there to heal and she will support with resources for healing.

 

@Altostrata Just as an FYI for anyone who complains of dizziness or clogged ears. Despite the fact that dizziness is a common symptom. Most people will describe oscillopsia and inner ear dysfunction as dizziness. Unless they get the spinning vertigo. Especially if they get disequilibrium, it’s likely an inner ear thing. Antidepressants can be ototoxic to some individuals. Attached reference from John hopkins. The following  were the words of the neuro at the hospital, she said dizzy is a 4 letter word. Her words, “People don’t get it, one dizziness could be lack of B12 and to another person dizzy could be a disaster!”

 

I know it’s not PPPD, because when they played 80db click stimulation audio in my left ear, my symptoms subsided by 60% just with audio. But they won’t give me the file and I can’t find it online. It’s hard on the hearing, but even if I could get 15 mins of it in a day, it would give me 15 mins of mental peace.

 

im now curious how @squirrel got labrynthitis. 
 

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/bilateral-loss-of-labyrinthine-function#:~:text=Bilateral Loss of Labyrinthine Function%3A Symptoms&text=It occurs when the deficient,appears to bounce or move.

 

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/news/newsroom/news-releases/implant-improves-balance-movement-and-quality-of-life-for-people-with-inner-ear-disorder

[Chompoo]

@AmitV I hope you can get the help you need to alleviate your symptoms.

[AmitV]

32 minutes ago, Chompoo said:

@AmitV I hope you can get the help you need to alleviate your symptoms.

@Chompoo thank you. I have to try. While I have many symptoms of withdrawals. This one doesn’t seem that way, I don’t see waves or windows with this one. While it has gotten better with rehab exercises, or the brain learning from my movements. My withdrawals have made it incredibly hard to stick with the exercises. especially when I’m home by myself, I fear falling and breaking my head. Yes I’m able to walk now and the anti gravity feeling is subsiding. I’m even able to do some exercises on mini trampoline as suggested by PT. But on flat floor as soon as I bend over, I feel like someone is pushing me down. I look up and I feel like I’m going to fall backwards.

 

I really want to try and give it that shot where someone can take the neurovestibular assessment report and say, this is real, it’s a real problem, keep doing the exercises in perhaps an in hospital facility. Give me a real diagnosis and not a phoney anxiety diagnosis so I can claim long term disability benefits from work and work towards getting an implant if exercises don’t completely recover me. I do though feel that exercises could recover me. I just wish and pray or one fine day the lost signal from the brain stem will come alive. For now it’s a dream, but I guess miracles happen. 

 

On the bright side my astrologer says I’m stuck in a mirage of my own brain, the worst has passed and I’ll snap out of it by October. Who knows maybe it is a mirage and all the diagnosis aren’t even real and just pre-existing conditions and it’s all just “withdrawls”.

[AmitV]

I spoke with Dr. Stuart Shipko, he said these are all withdrawals. So I guess I’m waiting for a few days before I go to the hospital. 
 

he also mentioned that by balance problems although some vestibular, but mostly from oscillopsia, “visual lag” that he mentioned is a hallmark of withdrawal. Even the drug company pamphlets use to print it back in the day and they replaced the literature with “visual disturbances” and “disequilibrium”. 
 

He mentioned that I had a severe adverse reaction and my doctor failed to make note of it. And now I’m in protracted withdrawals.
 

Does anyone know how to fight this chronic fatigue? It’s hard to be at home alone with it and try to do anything. The mental confusion is intense!

[LostInCanada]

@AmitV I am just happy you got clarity. Now patience and acceptance. These drugs are so powerful and debilitating. No point in stressing your CNS with unnecessary testing then. 

[AmitV]

This has been the worst experience of my life. So physically and cognitively impaired. 
 

people around understand for a bit and then even they can’t understand. 
 

i was watching a video of gruelling withdrawals on YouTube of someone who got pushed to the edge of being suicidal. Not because of the physical and cognitive impairments, but the fact that people around him stopped understanding what was going on. He found himself alone.

 

Sadly I’m a bit there myself, which was another reason to go to the hospital to maybe just get fed for 3-4 weeks and be in a safe place and get one step closer to the top of the ladder. 
 

My GP still won’t acknowledge it, he thinks SSRI’s are the safest medications around. He insists he specialized in pharmacology and he knows more. I’m like why wouldn’t you believe a psychiatrist who works with these medications for 30 years and refuses to use them as a treatment plan without appropriate informed consent and laying out side effects and after effects. My GP just handed them to me like Candy. I guess I should’ve done my research. It’s my fault and now I suffer the consequences.

[AmitV]

@Altostratai just watched the entire YouTube video with Dr. Rani Bora and I so so so so have the emotional anesthesia. I’ve never experienced something like this in my entire life. I’m glad I watched that video, because I felt like this is how my mental state was going to be forever.

 

6 weeks with SSRI, devastating to me in so many ways!! 

[LostInCanada]

@AmitV it is not ever your fault for trusting doctors that have excepted this position to be responsible and informed for us. When we take our car to the mechanic we don't have to educate ourselves first and know all the ins and outs of an engine. We trust the mechanic to do their job honestly and thoroughly.

[AmitV]

11 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

@AmitV it is not ever your fault for trusting doctors that have excepted this position to be responsible and informed for us. When we take our car to the mechanic we don't have to educate ourselves first and know all the ins and outs of an engine. We trust the mechanic to do their job honestly and thoroughly.

 

how can they be so callous with people’s health and life. I just don’t understand. I even asked him for referring me to therapy. When he gave me benzos, I said to him I will only take it as needed for panic attack. He assured me to start taking benzos as he had a safe plan to get me up on SSRI and take me off benzos. He said wait times for therapy are 5 weeks, he didn’t even bother with a referral. It wasn’t until I was hospitalized that they said there is no referral in the system for therapy.

 

speaking of car, it’s been collecting dust for months now. Winter tires still on it. 
 

 

[LostInCanada]

@AmitV our car is in the shop. Haven't driven for months. Can't trust my slow reaction times and indecision and dizziness.... We are definitely in this altogether.

[AmitV]

Just now, LostInCanada said:

@AmitV our car is in the shop. Haven't driven for months. Can't trust my slow reaction times and indecision and dizziness.... We are definitely in this altogether.

Exactly the same here. It’s been parked in the parkade. I can’t trust myself driving it yet. Tried a couple of times on short distances for 5-10 mins when I didn’t have chronic fatigue. I’m like this is a tragedy waiting to happen and just stopped.

 

What is your dizziness actually like? 

[j1290]

I've learned a lot from reading this.  I had the oscillopsia “visual lag” and just chalked it up to visual disturbances in general without knowing what it actually was.  Just like that link described, I'd get it while driving a car.   When I had it, I limited my driving as well.  FWIW it got much better for me.  Now and then I'll get some weird vision stuff that resolves in a day or so.  This was definitely one of the more unsettling side effects.  I hope it passes for you both, soon!

[LostInCanada]

@AmitV swooning, some times it feels like it's coming out of the top of my head (like the imbalance) whatever that means, I am off balance, like my body seems crooked, can't walk a straight line. Some days better than others. I have exhaustion and well from doing very little. And I feel useless for doing not much of anything but then I have to say to myself 'you are ill and if you had cancer you would be so kind to yourself ', this is no different.

[littlebird]

5 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I had the oscillopsia “visual lag” and just chalked it up to visual disturbances in general without knowing what it actually was.  Just like that link described, I'd get it while driving a car.

Yoooooo I've been having so much trouble focusing my eyes when driving, even when wearing glasses. I don't have the same thing if I'm sitting still. WTF meds...

[AmitV]

4 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

@AmitV swooning, some times it feels like it's coming out of the top of my head (like the imbalance) whatever that means, I am off balance, like my body seems crooked, can't walk a straight line. Some days better than others. I have exhaustion and well from doing very little. And I feel useless for doing not much of anything but then I have to say to myself 'you are ill and if you had cancer you would be so kind to yourself ', this is no different.

exactly the same here! Exactly including the crooked part. To the point that I even see things and floors crooked. Sometimes it’s flat, sometimes it’s crooked. By brain can’t adjust to it, or it’s trying to adjust. 
 

do you feel things bouncing in your vision or, or things bouncing in your vision too much when you walk? when you open your eyes the world around you isn’t quite stable? 

[AmitV]

3 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Yoooooo I've been having so much trouble focusing my eyes when driving, even when wearing glasses. I don't have the same thing if I'm sitting still. WTF meds...

Yes that’s all part of the oscillopsia category of problems. Where eyes can’t focus on moving objects quick enough. You may notice that if you have 2 objects a few inches apart, and try focusing from one to another, it takes longer than usual. Drug companies just disguised it as “visual disturbances”.

 

atleast some of the other medications actually call it out in their side effects as “oscillopsia”.
 

the entire intent of the wording in the drug company literature for SSRI’s is meant to obscure the extremity of the side effects.  

[AmitV]

12 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I've learned a lot from reading this.  I had the oscillopsia “visual lag” and just chalked it up to visual disturbances in general without knowing what it actually was.  Just like that link described, I'd get it while driving a car.   When I had it, I limited my driving as well.  FWIW it got much better for me.  Now and then I'll get some weird vision stuff that resolves in a day or so.  This was definitely one of the more unsettling side effects.  I hope it passes for you both, soon!

I can’t wait for it to pass. It’s causing my balance problems. Dr. Shipko explained it to me that I may have already had an inner ear imbalance and my brain was always relying on my eyes for balance and my body movements were trained by my brain to function in a certain way to achieve optimal balance. So regardless of inner ear imbalance I was driving, riding my bicycle, doing everything in my life which was my brains normal. Oscillopsia and visual lag from the meds broke that balance mechanism!

 

I’ve made some progress, I went from prism glasses to blue light blocking glasses (one fine day the prism glasses started giving me dizziness), I took them off and realized I was no longer dizzy without them. I had a vertical misalignment in my eyes that got resolved. Then I went from blue light blocker glasses to no glasses. Now just sunglasses when I wake up for about an hour. When I look at objects they’re not quite stable in my view (gaze stabilization). When I used to walk, signage’s and trees used to bounce and tremble in my vision. They no longer tremble, they only bounce a bit. 
 

now it’s side to side up and down head movements where the lag remains. So yes I’m unstable indoors, because that needs head movements. I’m more stable outdoors when looking straight ahead or downwards.

[j1290]

12 minutes ago, AmitV said:

Oscillopsia and visual lag from the meds broke that balance mechanism!

That makes sense.  So many odd things happen with these meds.  Now that you mention it, balance has been a problem for me for a very long time, and it has improved with tapering.  

15 minutes ago, AmitV said:

now it’s side to side up and down head movements where the lag remains. So yes I’m unstable indoors, because that needs head movements. I’m more stable outdoors when looking straight ahead or downwards.

This all sounds familiar.  I'm glad to hear that you're showing improvement, that's fantastic news! I appreciate all your posts, I've been following along.    

[AmitV]

28 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

@AmitV swooning, some times it feels like it's coming out of the top of my head (like the imbalance) whatever that means, I am off balance, like my body seems crooked, can't walk a straight line. Some days better than others. I have exhaustion and well from doing very little. And I feel useless for doing not much of anything but then I have to say to myself 'you are ill and if you had cancer you would be so kind to yourself ', this is no different.

thank you for saying those kind words and feeling that way. I’ve been really useless, truly useless. The extent of it is hard to describe. Taking care of personal hygiene and a walk a day is as far as I’m able to pull myself through. 
 

i go for a walk with my sunglasses on first thing in the morning, right after morning decaf coffee. Just so my brain and nervous system can get a fresh beginning and while eyes are still fresh. Before I begin to get worse through the day. Too much light is my worst enemy, eyes have to deal with light, focus and balance. 
 

I tried betahistine for a couple of days, there was no improvement. Tried a gravol (I was desperate for a crutch once every 3-4 days) which I’m told always works for vestibular problems, even if it’s just 30-40% improvement. I had to take an Ativan for my mri a few months ago and that made everything incredibly worse which is also a vestibular suppressant. So I didn’t buy the pppd-anxiety theory. Folks with PPPD feel better. Only now I know that benzos are sometimes used as a treatment for oscillopsia but it can make it worse.
 

it happened once again, when I took some skullcap herb for anxiety. It got worse, I would move my head and my vision would skip frames and I would be much more unbalanced. I just couldn’t understand it. I stopped all extra supplements and any herbs. Just came down to magnesium, omega 3, vitamin d, B complex, probiotic.
 

Now oscillopsia and visual lag makes total sense. Ativan and gravol are vestibular suppressants, should rather reduce the imbalances, but the imbalance is in the eyes!!

 

[LostInCanada]

@AmitV I don't get the bouncing, shimmering but I will get focus issues and ofc the dreaded nausea. Also in my peripheral vision I will see things moving but they really aren't. @j1290 glad to hear the issues are getting better with tapering. I have such fear of making things worse when I start to taper. I keep thinking s taper can't be worse than CT or can it? 

[LostInCanada]

@AmitV I have to go all Canadian here and say,

"It's a gong show"

[AmitV]

5 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

@AmitV I have to go all Canadian here and say,

"It's a gong show"

I’m with you on that! it’s a total gong show. This summer is a complete write off! Car is parked, camper is parked, sitting on a restaurant patio is a dream that won’t come true for a very long time. I likely won’t drink for a few years even after withdrawals have passed. Just paying the bills and being fed by my wife and surviving this one day at a time.

 

The Adverse reaction was really bad for me. 6 continuous weeks of it too.

[littlebird]

1 hour ago, AmitV said:

1 hour ago, LostInCanada said:

I have to go all Canadian here and say,

"It's a gong show"

I’m with you on that! it’s a total gong show. This summer is a complete write off!

Ha! Thank you for introducing me to new phrase that accurately describes my summer as well. 

[LostInCanada]

5 minutes ago, littlebird said:

1 hour ago, AmitV said:

Expand  

Ha! Thank you for introducing me to new phrase that accurately describes my summer as well. 

Happy to be of service lol. We really are in this insanity together. ❤️

[AmitV]

I’m just a bit bummed, in many ways I’m doing better. But in some ways I’ve declined (mental cognition, focus, memory, fatigue, mental and emotional amnesia). Does this make sense to anyone, where some things improve and others decline at the same time in a wave? Vision wise better, vertigo wise better, mentally screwed!

i guess they say sometimes new symptoms hit 3 months out. 

[AmitV]

Anyone here experiencing “sensory disturbances” which is really peripheral neuropathy. 
 

things I’m experiencing are loss of feeling off temperatures, I have to check the weather app to see if I need a jacket or tshirt. Loss of sense of smell.

[LostInCanada]

@AmitV my symptoms in waves have changed and new ones have popped up. I now get phantom smells which I didn’t at the beginning. As far as temperature goes, it takes my brain longer to realize how hot something is like when I touch it. Also I am either sweating or freezing, mostly freezing where before the cold never bothered me. These drugs literally affect every system in our bodies. Best thing is acceptance because that leads to healing.