Faust: Full recovery after six years.

[Faust]

I thought a very long time about writing this. I know a lot of people will read this and won't believe it. These pills have a lot of different impacts on people and for some unknown perhaps largely genetic reason I was highly susceptible to the negative effects.

 

I pretty much had the simultaneous most extreme manifestation of every potential symptom listed on these forums at the same time. I spent all day every day for years online trying to find accounts and of course cures to what I was suffering from and have only seen about 10 accounts of people with stories of such extreme severity. Most of them are from benzodiazepines but even though I had a prescription for those I was not taking them very often.

 

I suspect most of my damage was the product of the antidepressants I took every morning. These pills did to me things few people will tell you are even possible. I used to spend hours a day reading the posts on this forum praying one day I would be me again. It took far longer than I thought was possible but it finally happened.

 

After the first couple years I began to think I would plateau at some slightly less agonizing state at some point and stay debilitated for the rest of my life. I was on various drugs from the time I was 10 years old. I was on lorazepam, trazadone, amitriptyline, bupropion, citalopram, propranolol, concerta, adderall. All kinds of stuff at one point or another but never all of it at once.

 

The ones I was on for the longest time were citalopram and bupropion. I took both from ages 15 to 23. I wouldn't truly realize the havoc that these chemicals caused on my body until I came off them after college. To say my life was shattered is an understatement. I went from top of my class at a top university to absolutely debilitated. I could barely walk for years.

 

POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING BEGIN: I had a relentless throbbing migraine for over 5 and a half years. My entire body was in constant physical pain. It felt like an electric pulsing shock that emanates from your solar plexis and up through your spinal column right into the center of your brain where it becomes a relentless migraine. The migraine felt like having my head stuck in a fishbowl full of ammonia for years on end. It felt like nails on a chalkboard up your spine. All of it throbbed with my constantly palpitating heart rate. My fitbit said my resting heart rate was 55 beats per minute which is bradycardia but they told me it was evidence of my fitness. They said it is common for athletes. I am not and have never been an athlete. While they told me this I could barely stand up. Everything was spinning as if I was drunk for years. Eating anything but particularly carbs made all my symptoms worse. My vision was so bad I was nearly blind. I had double vision, tunnel vision, blurry vision, and I couldn't focus on anything because it felt like the room was constantly spinning. They told me "a nystagmus isn't that uncommon." I was also completely night blind. Anything under broad daylight and I couldn't see a thing. You know when you go into a dimply lit room like a movie theater on a sunny day and you can't see for a few seconds until your eyes adjust? I had that for five years. My eyes just never adjusted. Apparently one of the most common symptoms of drug abuse is pupil dilation or expansion because of how they impact neurotransmitters. In addition to this I had horrible tinnitus and hearing sensitivity. The cognitive impact was overwhelming. I couldn't solve puzzles intended for toddlers. This was particularly devastating as my intellect had always been the cornerstone of my personal identity. I was always the nerd growing up. I also had a tremor that was dismissed as "jitters" or "anxiety." I would later learn this is called tardive akathisia. I also had the extreme long term sexual dysfunction that is finally recognized with SSRIs. It was like having a slab of rubber hanging from my torse. Severely numbed sensitivity and responsiveness for years. I had a lesser degree of this even while on the medication.

 

As agonizing as all of those symptoms were, none of them were the worst. The worst was the derealization and depersonalization. Everything looked so distant and unreal that it felt like being stuck in a nightmare. I couldn't see straight. It felt like being 80% dead already and you're already most of the way unplugged from the world. Every minute of every day is a literal nightmare and you can't wake up. Like I said I knew before typing all that that most people won't believe it. Aside from the derealization the worst part is dismissive everyone was of my condition. I was certain I was about to die and everyone everywhere told me it was all in my head. To be quite frank the only reason I didn't kill myself is because I was certain I was about to die anyway. I figured it was impossible to be so dysfunctional and not be about to die. It just becomes an implicit assumption. My mind ran on an endless loop of "Oh my God this can't be real. You're about to die. This is what dying feels like. Wake up. You'll be dead soon. This can't be happening. This can't be real." At first I was terrified to die. After the first year I welcomed it. It was just so relentless. Not a single moment of relief for one second of one day. My family isn't rich but I was on my parents insurance until I was 25. In the first 2 years I saw a total of 14 different doctors in one of the most developed parts in the world. Some of them had literal Ivy League medical degrees. Out of the 14 doctors there were 3 different primary care physicians and 11 were specialists. Everyone from a neurologist and psychiatrist to cardiologist and nephrologist. I spent all day every day trying to read medical journals and scour the deepest depths of anywhere finding other cases and answers. That was how I first found this site. Of all those visits the only thing I was ever diagnosed with was "pre-diabetes" from the endocrinologist because my blood sugar swings were so extreme.

 

I do not have a single one of any of the aforementioned symptoms today. At the time I was certain the drugs caused my condition but I wasn't sure how. Initially I thought I must have had a massive stroke. An MRI ruled this out. The neurologist actually initially suspected Multiple Sclerosis but never gave me a diagnosis for anything and finally suggested I was a hypochondriac and should see a psychiatrist. I suspected everything from a brain abscess to hepatic encephalitis. No doctor sees you for more than about 8 minutes and most of them ordered some variation of the same basic blood tests. I literally didn't have a single bodily function operating as expected and every one of them told me I was perfectly fine. I eventually started paying for tests out of pocket to test additional hypotheses.

 

The only things that really helped were vitamins and supplements. Particularly antioxidants. What finally made me turn a corner after an agonizing half decade was taking massive doses of specific nutritional supplements. I will not name any brands to prevent being accused of being some kind of shill but I will mention general vitamins. (I have also been accused of being a scientologist whenever I mention any of this. I am not and have never been and never will be. You shouldn't be either. It is a dangerous cult that happens to discourage vulnerable people from pursuing any mental health treatments besides them including psychiatry). Massive doses of B vitamins had a tremendous impact. Make sure you consume multiple variants of B12 as some people cannot absorb the most common one. Also make sure you get B1 and B6. Vitamins C, D, K, and E also made big differences. basically make sure you take all essential vitamins and minerals. I stumbled across some fringe studies done by doctors in the 70s about reversing Tardive Dyskinesia with the mineral manganese. It worked. I cured the tinnitus with a combination of supplements called bioflavonoids. Some of these are even marketed toward tinnitus relief. Tea is full of them and also helps. Particularly organic iced green tea with a lemon in it. Something about the lemon improves the antioxidant ability apparently. Red wine is full of anxioxidants too but alcohol made all my other symptoms far worse, especially the first few years. Organic products were somehow better. Basically any kind of antioxidant helped a little and massive doses combined made the recovery pretty rapid. Niacin, turmeric, and CoQ10 also yielded extreme improvements. Apparently massive doses of Niacin can reverse drug induced schizophrenia in a subset of patients if they take it for multiple years.

 

As much as I can't wait to put all this behind me I needed to come back here and write this. I used to read this forum for hours every day trying to find a story of someone who was as sick as I was and made a recovery. I came back to tell whoever might still be there that no matter how horrible it might feel, it isn't permanent. Somehow you're still in there. No matter how long and endless it feels. I'm definitely not saying it was worth it but I am more grateful of every moment I am not in pain than I ever thought was possible. Every single moment is a blessing I will never take for granted again. Good luck.

Edited June 29, 2023 by manymoretodays
spacing for ease of readability, bolded 2 sentences to stand out

[manymoretodays]

Hi there Faust and welcome.  Thank you as well for writing and posting your Success Story.  I'm sure it will give others lot's of hope.

 

We'd love to see your drug/medication history done in a signature format:

How to Summarize Your Drug History in Your Signature

^ has instructions and the how to, get those last dates of drugs in there please and thank you

 

Wonderful story, thanks for sharing.

 

Tell us a little more about how you came off your drugs too, if you don't mind.

 

Celebrating your success,

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

manymoretodays(mmt)

 

 

[zma1]

I’m so happy to hear you are doing well! Congratulations and thank you so much for sharing your recovery story. It’s so wonderful to hear about a successful recovery! Best of luck to you in all you do… and do a lot! 😊😊❤️ 

[Rw80]

Wow I am as bad as you and I am on 3 years 2 months. 
 

did you lose your memory? Long and short term memory? I have and now I can’t tell seasons apart or even weathers. It’s very confusing. I am exhausted 

[SunnyRainyDays]

Massive respect, you are a fighter! I’m so happy for you!!

[Hope42]

Thank you so much for sharing this. I am two years off, and my symptoms are very much similar to what you describe. Every minute I am in excruciating pain from top to toe. Nervepain, acid burning pain, constant headache, pain down my neck and spine, blurry vision, tinnitus, and much more.

When did you start to have windows?

[Catina7]

Hello @Faust!  It was so encouraging to read how you finally overcame your health issues!  It will definitely help others here to keep fighting and not give up.    I'm so glad you're doing better and have recovered after so many years.  I'm in Maryland, so I'm not far from you!  

[Cerma]

Hello Faust!

I’m so glad your withdrawal si over! I would like to know how long your insomnia lasted ans if you sleep well now. 

[Nypeaches89]

Happy it’s finally over! You made it. 
I wonder how long did that recovery phase where you started supplements last? In my experience supplements did absolutely nothing for me unfortunately but still wondering 

[Kimboslice]

Did you still feel quite ill at 4.5 years? 

[gn11]

It is great to read your story. I am 2 years since jumpin off Citalopram. I had symptoms before then but things got really bad about 2 years ago. I am sliwly getting better. I am wondering if you had gut issues and what you did about them. Congratulations!

[SolarPlexus]

On 6/29/2023 at 7:02 AM, Faust said:

I thought a very long time about writing this. I know a lot of people will read this and won't believe it. These pills have a lot of different impacts on people and for some unknown perhaps largely genetic reason I was highly susceptible to the negative effects.

 

I pretty much had the simultaneous most extreme manifestation of every potential symptom listed on these forums at the same time. I spent all day every day for years online trying to find accounts and of course cures to what I was suffering from and have only seen about 10 accounts of people with stories of such extreme severity. Most of them are from benzodiazepines but even though I had a prescription for those I was not taking them very often.

 

I suspect most of my damage was the product of the antidepressants I took every morning. These pills did to me things few people will tell you are even possible. I used to spend hours a day reading the posts on this forum praying one day I would be me again. It took far longer than I thought was possible but it finally happened.

 

After the first couple years I began to think I would plateau at some slightly less agonizing state at some point and stay debilitated for the rest of my life. I was on various drugs from the time I was 10 years old. I was on lorazepam, trazadone, amitriptyline, bupropion, citalopram, propranolol, concerta, adderall. All kinds of stuff at one point or another but never all of it at once.

 

The ones I was on for the longest time were citalopram and bupropion. I took both from ages 15 to 23. I wouldn't truly realize the havoc that these chemicals caused on my body until I came off them after college. To say my life was shattered is an understatement. I went from top of my class at a top university to absolutely debilitated. I could barely walk for years.

 

POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING BEGIN: I had a relentless throbbing migraine for over 5 and a half years. My entire body was in constant physical pain. It felt like an electric pulsing shock that emanates from your solar plexis and up through your spinal column right into the center of your brain where it becomes a relentless migraine. The migraine felt like having my head stuck in a fishbowl full of ammonia for years on end. It felt like nails on a chalkboard up your spine. All of it throbbed with my constantly palpitating heart rate. My fitbit said my resting heart rate was 55 beats per minute which is bradycardia but they told me it was evidence of my fitness. They said it is common for athletes. I am not and have never been an athlete. While they told me this I could barely stand up. Everything was spinning as if I was drunk for years. Eating anything but particularly carbs made all my symptoms worse. My vision was so bad I was nearly blind. I had double vision, tunnel vision, blurry vision, and I couldn't focus on anything because it felt like the room was constantly spinning. They told me "a nystagmus isn't that uncommon." I was also completely night blind. Anything under broad daylight and I couldn't see a thing. You know when you go into a dimply lit room like a movie theater on a sunny day and you can't see for a few seconds until your eyes adjust? I had that for five years. My eyes just never adjusted. Apparently one of the most common symptoms of drug abuse is pupil dilation or expansion because of how they impact neurotransmitters. In addition to this I had horrible tinnitus and hearing sensitivity. The cognitive impact was overwhelming. I couldn't solve puzzles intended for toddlers. This was particularly devastating as my intellect had always been the cornerstone of my personal identity. I was always the nerd growing up. I also had a tremor that was dismissed as "jitters" or "anxiety." I would later learn this is called tardive akathisia. I also had the extreme long term sexual dysfunction that is finally recognized with SSRIs. It was like having a slab of rubber hanging from my torse. Severely numbed sensitivity and responsiveness for years. I had a lesser degree of this even while on the medication.

 

As agonizing as all of those symptoms were, none of them were the worst. The worst was the derealization and depersonalization. Everything looked so distant and unreal that it felt like being stuck in a nightmare. I couldn't see straight. It felt like being 80% dead already and you're already most of the way unplugged from the world. Every minute of every day is a literal nightmare and you can't wake up. Like I said I knew before typing all that that most people won't believe it. Aside from the derealization the worst part is dismissive everyone was of my condition. I was certain I was about to die and everyone everywhere told me it was all in my head. To be quite frank the only reason I didn't kill myself is because I was certain I was about to die anyway. I figured it was impossible to be so dysfunctional and not be about to die. It just becomes an implicit assumption. My mind ran on an endless loop of "Oh my God this can't be real. You're about to die. This is what dying feels like. Wake up. You'll be dead soon. This can't be happening. This can't be real." At first I was terrified to die. After the first year I welcomed it. It was just so relentless. Not a single moment of relief for one second of one day. My family isn't rich but I was on my parents insurance until I was 25. In the first 2 years I saw a total of 14 different doctors in one of the most developed parts in the world. Some of them had literal Ivy League medical degrees. Out of the 14 doctors there were 3 different primary care physicians and 11 were specialists. Everyone from a neurologist and psychiatrist to cardiologist and nephrologist. I spent all day every day trying to read medical journals and scour the deepest depths of anywhere finding other cases and answers. That was how I first found this site. Of all those visits the only thing I was ever diagnosed with was "pre-diabetes" from the endocrinologist because my blood sugar swings were so extreme.

 

I do not have a single one of any of the aforementioned symptoms today. At the time I was certain the drugs caused my condition but I wasn't sure how. Initially I thought I must have had a massive stroke. An MRI ruled this out. The neurologist actually initially suspected Multiple Sclerosis but never gave me a diagnosis for anything and finally suggested I was a hypochondriac and should see a psychiatrist. I suspected everything from a brain abscess to hepatic encephalitis. No doctor sees you for more than about 8 minutes and most of them ordered some variation of the same basic blood tests. I literally didn't have a single bodily function operating as expected and every one of them told me I was perfectly fine. I eventually started paying for tests out of pocket to test additional hypotheses.

 

The only things that really helped were vitamins and supplements. Particularly antioxidants. What finally made me turn a corner after an agonizing half decade was taking massive doses of specific nutritional supplements. I will not name any brands to prevent being accused of being some kind of shill but I will mention general vitamins. (I have also been accused of being a scientologist whenever I mention any of this. I am not and have never been and never will be. You shouldn't be either. It is a dangerous cult that happens to discourage vulnerable people from pursuing any mental health treatments besides them including psychiatry). Massive doses of B vitamins had a tremendous impact. Make sure you consume multiple variants of B12 as some people cannot absorb the most common one. Also make sure you get B1 and B6. Vitamins C, D, K, and E also made big differences. basically make sure you take all essential vitamins and minerals. I stumbled across some fringe studies done by doctors in the 70s about reversing Tardive Dyskinesia with the mineral manganese. It worked. I cured the tinnitus with a combination of supplements called bioflavonoids. Some of these are even marketed toward tinnitus relief. Tea is full of them and also helps. Particularly organic iced green tea with a lemon in it. Something about the lemon improves the antioxidant ability apparently. Red wine is full of anxioxidants too but alcohol made all my other symptoms far worse, especially the first few years. Organic products were somehow better. Basically any kind of antioxidant helped a little and massive doses combined made the recovery pretty rapid. Niacin, turmeric, and CoQ10 also yielded extreme improvements. Apparently massive doses of Niacin can reverse drug induced schizophrenia in a subset of patients if they take it for multiple years.

 

As much as I can't wait to put all this behind me I needed to come back here and write this. I used to read this forum for hours every day trying to find a story of someone who was as sick as I was and made a recovery. I came back to tell whoever might still be there that no matter how horrible it might feel, it isn't permanent. Somehow you're still in there. No matter how long and endless it feels. I'm definitely not saying it was worth it but I am more grateful of every moment I am not in pain than I ever thought was possible. Every single moment is a blessing I will never take for granted again. Good luck.

You are a hero 💜 I’m still in withdrawal from an SSRI at five years off and your recovery story is giving me hope. Thank you 🙏🏻🙏🏻🤲🏻🤲🏻

[Experiment1996]

Wow! Thanks for sharing your story.

 

Did you have reductions in symptoms during those 6 years or did you wake up after 6 years and all symptoms were gone ? 

 

Is taper also included in these 6 years ?

 

 

[Mecheixx]

So glad you are finally feeling better, I am 3 years and 3 months off and although some things have improved, some things haven't, did you have bad anxiety/health anxiety at all? I have never taken any supplements but feel now I would like to try, would you recommend 1 to start with? 

[Barry2954]

Although I didn't experience the same difficulty seeing in low light conditions to yourself and only experienced recurrent severe headaches, as opposed to an ongoing migraine, much of what you have described experiencing fits with my own experience. I only recently learnt of this website so was relying on other sources to try to work out what the sertraline had done to me. My migraine only lasted for about thirty hours and suddenly transitioned into thunderclap headaches. After that it felt like a constant, intense, electric shock throughout my body for the next five years. I was eventually able to find out that my own fit the pattern of adrenergic storming, consistent with pituitary damage having occurred when the headaches happened. It is difficult for me to precisely correlate my symptoms with your own as some had already resulted from severe heat stroke several months earlier; blurred vision, double vision, difficulty walking or standing, etc. I was fortunate to find an account of the case of the son of the Earl of the town of Sandwich. After years of psychiatric medications he experienced five years of continuing symptoms similar to my own and what you have described. I later read that pituitary damage either tends to resolve after a period of five years or remains in perpetuity.

[margaretLO]

On 6/29/2023 at 8:02 AM, Faust said:

I thought a very long time about writing this. I know a lot of people will read this and won't believe it. These pills have a lot of different impacts on people and for some unknown perhaps largely genetic reason I was highly susceptible to the negative effects.

 

I pretty much had the simultaneous most extreme manifestation of every potential symptom listed on these forums at the same time. I spent all day every day for years online trying to find accounts and of course cures to what I was suffering from and have only seen about 10 accounts of people with stories of such extreme severity. Most of them are from benzodiazepines but even though I had a prescription for those I was not taking them very often.

 

I suspect most of my damage was the product of the antidepressants I took every morning. These pills did to me things few people will tell you are even possible. I used to spend hours a day reading the posts on this forum praying one day I would be me again. It took far longer than I thought was possible but it finally happened.

 

After the first couple years I began to think I would plateau at some slightly less agonizing state at some point and stay debilitated for the rest of my life. I was on various drugs from the time I was 10 years old. I was on lorazepam, trazadone, amitriptyline, bupropion, citalopram, propranolol, concerta, adderall. All kinds of stuff at one point or another but never all of it at once.

 

The ones I was on for the longest time were citalopram and bupropion. I took both from ages 15 to 23. I wouldn't truly realize the havoc that these chemicals caused on my body until I came off them after college. To say my life was shattered is an understatement. I went from top of my class at a top university to absolutely debilitated. I could barely walk for years.

 

POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING BEGIN: I had a relentless throbbing migraine for over 5 and a half years. My entire body was in constant physical pain. It felt like an electric pulsing shock that emanates from your solar plexis and up through your spinal column right into the center of your brain where it becomes a relentless migraine. The migraine felt like having my head stuck in a fishbowl full of ammonia for years on end. It felt like nails on a chalkboard up your spine. All of it throbbed with my constantly palpitating heart rate. My fitbit said my resting heart rate was 55 beats per minute which is bradycardia but they told me it was evidence of my fitness. They said it is common for athletes. I am not and have never been an athlete. While they told me this I could barely stand up. Everything was spinning as if I was drunk for years. Eating anything but particularly carbs made all my symptoms worse. My vision was so bad I was nearly blind. I had double vision, tunnel vision, blurry vision, and I couldn't focus on anything because it felt like the room was constantly spinning. They told me "a nystagmus isn't that uncommon." I was also completely night blind. Anything under broad daylight and I couldn't see a thing. You know when you go into a dimply lit room like a movie theater on a sunny day and you can't see for a few seconds until your eyes adjust? I had that for five years. My eyes just never adjusted. Apparently one of the most common symptoms of drug abuse is pupil dilation or expansion because of how they impact neurotransmitters. In addition to this I had horrible tinnitus and hearing sensitivity. The cognitive impact was overwhelming. I couldn't solve puzzles intended for toddlers. This was particularly devastating as my intellect had always been the cornerstone of my personal identity. I was always the nerd growing up. I also had a tremor that was dismissed as "jitters" or "anxiety." I would later learn this is called tardive akathisia. I also had the extreme long term sexual dysfunction that is finally recognized with SSRIs. It was like having a slab of rubber hanging from my torse. Severely numbed sensitivity and responsiveness for years. I had a lesser degree of this even while on the medication.

 

As agonizing as all of those symptoms were, none of them were the worst. The worst was the derealization and depersonalization. Everything looked so distant and unreal that it felt like being stuck in a nightmare. I couldn't see straight. It felt like being 80% dead already and you're already most of the way unplugged from the world. Every minute of every day is a literal nightmare and you can't wake up. Like I said I knew before typing all that that most people won't believe it. Aside from the derealization the worst part is dismissive everyone was of my condition. I was certain I was about to die and everyone everywhere told me it was all in my head. To be quite frank the only reason I didn't kill myself is because I was certain I was about to die anyway. I figured it was impossible to be so dysfunctional and not be about to die. It just becomes an implicit assumption. My mind ran on an endless loop of "Oh my God this can't be real. You're about to die. This is what dying feels like. Wake up. You'll be dead soon. This can't be happening. This can't be real." At first I was terrified to die. After the first year I welcomed it. It was just so relentless. Not a single moment of relief for one second of one day. My family isn't rich but I was on my parents insurance until I was 25. In the first 2 years I saw a total of 14 different doctors in one of the most developed parts in the world. Some of them had literal Ivy League medical degrees. Out of the 14 doctors there were 3 different primary care physicians and 11 were specialists. Everyone from a neurologist and psychiatrist to cardiologist and nephrologist. I spent all day every day trying to read medical journals and scour the deepest depths of anywhere finding other cases and answers. That was how I first found this site. Of all those visits the only thing I was ever diagnosed with was "pre-diabetes" from the endocrinologist because my blood sugar swings were so extreme.

 

I do not have a single one of any of the aforementioned symptoms today. At the time I was certain the drugs caused my condition but I wasn't sure how. Initially I thought I must have had a massive stroke. An MRI ruled this out. The neurologist actually initially suspected Multiple Sclerosis but never gave me a diagnosis for anything and finally suggested I was a hypochondriac and should see a psychiatrist. I suspected everything from a brain abscess to hepatic encephalitis. No doctor sees you for more than about 8 minutes and most of them ordered some variation of the same basic blood tests. I literally didn't have a single bodily function operating as expected and every one of them told me I was perfectly fine. I eventually started paying for tests out of pocket to test additional hypotheses.

 

The only things that really helped were vitamins and supplements. Particularly antioxidants. What finally made me turn a corner after an agonizing half decade was taking massive doses of specific nutritional supplements. I will not name any brands to prevent being accused of being some kind of shill but I will mention general vitamins. (I have also been accused of being a scientologist whenever I mention any of this. I am not and have never been and never will be. You shouldn't be either. It is a dangerous cult that happens to discourage vulnerable people from pursuing any mental health treatments besides them including psychiatry). Massive doses of B vitamins had a tremendous impact. Make sure you consume multiple variants of B12 as some people cannot absorb the most common one. Also make sure you get B1 and B6. Vitamins C, D, K, and E also made big differences. basically make sure you take all essential vitamins and minerals. I stumbled across some fringe studies done by doctors in the 70s about reversing Tardive Dyskinesia with the mineral manganese. It worked. I cured the tinnitus with a combination of supplements called bioflavonoids. Some of these are even marketed toward tinnitus relief. Tea is full of them and also helps. Particularly organic iced green tea with a lemon in it. Something about the lemon improves the antioxidant ability apparently. Red wine is full of anxioxidants too but alcohol made all my other symptoms far worse, especially the first few years. Organic products were somehow better. Basically any kind of antioxidant helped a little and massive doses combined made the recovery pretty rapid. Niacin, turmeric, and CoQ10 also yielded extreme improvements. Apparently massive doses of Niacin can reverse drug induced schizophrenia in a subset of patients if they take it for multiple years.

 

As much as I can't wait to put all this behind me I needed to come back here and write this. I used to read this forum for hours every day trying to find a story of someone who was as sick as I was and made a recovery. I came back to tell whoever might still be there that no matter how horrible it might feel, it isn't permanent. Somehow you're still in there. No matter how long and endless it feels. I'm definitely not saying it was worth it but I am more grateful of every moment I am not in pain than I ever thought was possible. Every single moment is a blessing I will never take for granted again. Good luck.

I am very glad for you. Every suffering soul here deserve the blessing of life....  My vision is like u said it was urs. Almost blind.

Did u have cognitive issues memory loss and brain fog that resolved? If yes when? 

Thanx a lot

[GGGG]

On 8/23/2023 at 5:46 AM, Mecheixx said:

So glad you are finally feeling better, I am 3 years and 3 months off and although some things have improved, some things haven't, did you have bad anxiety/health anxiety at all? I have never taken any supplements but feel now I would like to try, would you recommend 1 to start with? 

How long were you on antidepressants?

[Akfodey7]

@Faust I pmed you! 

[AmitV]

@Fausti pm’ed you as well. My symptoms are almost 90% same. 

[Dustin]

On 6/29/2023 at 1:02 AM, Faust said:

I thought a very long time about writing this. I know a lot of people will read this and won't believe it. These pills have a lot of different impacts on people and for some unknown perhaps largely genetic reason I was highly susceptible to the negative effects.

 

I pretty much had the simultaneous most extreme manifestation of every potential symptom listed on these forums at the same time. I spent all day every day for years online trying to find accounts and of course cures to what I was suffering from and have only seen about 10 accounts of people with stories of such extreme severity. Most of them are from benzodiazepines but even though I had a prescription for those I was not taking them very often.

 

I suspect most of my damage was the product of the antidepressants I took every morning. These pills did to me things few people will tell you are even possible. I used to spend hours a day reading the posts on this forum praying one day I would be me again. It took far longer than I thought was possible but it finally happened.

 

After the first couple years I began to think I would plateau at some slightly less agonizing state at some point and stay debilitated for the rest of my life. I was on various drugs from the time I was 10 years old. I was on lorazepam, trazadone, amitriptyline, bupropion, citalopram, propranolol, concerta, adderall. All kinds of stuff at one point or another but never all of it at once.

 

The ones I was on for the longest time were citalopram and bupropion. I took both from ages 15 to 23. I wouldn't truly realize the havoc that these chemicals caused on my body until I came off them after college. To say my life was shattered is an understatement. I went from top of my class at a top university to absolutely debilitated. I could barely walk for years.

 

POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING BEGIN: I had a relentless throbbing migraine for over 5 and a half years. My entire body was in constant physical pain. It felt like an electric pulsing shock that emanates from your solar plexis and up through your spinal column right into the center of your brain where it becomes a relentless migraine. The migraine felt like having my head stuck in a fishbowl full of ammonia for years on end. It felt like nails on a chalkboard up your spine. All of it throbbed with my constantly palpitating heart rate. My fitbit said my resting heart rate was 55 beats per minute which is bradycardia but they told me it was evidence of my fitness. They said it is common for athletes. I am not and have never been an athlete. While they told me this I could barely stand up. Everything was spinning as if I was drunk for years. Eating anything but particularly carbs made all my symptoms worse. My vision was so bad I was nearly blind. I had double vision, tunnel vision, blurry vision, and I couldn't focus on anything because it felt like the room was constantly spinning. They told me "a nystagmus isn't that uncommon." I was also completely night blind. Anything under broad daylight and I couldn't see a thing. You know when you go into a dimply lit room like a movie theater on a sunny day and you can't see for a few seconds until your eyes adjust? I had that for five years. My eyes just never adjusted. Apparently one of the most common symptoms of drug abuse is pupil dilation or expansion because of how they impact neurotransmitters. In addition to this I had horrible tinnitus and hearing sensitivity. The cognitive impact was overwhelming. I couldn't solve puzzles intended for toddlers. This was particularly devastating as my intellect had always been the cornerstone of my personal identity. I was always the nerd growing up. I also had a tremor that was dismissed as "jitters" or "anxiety." I would later learn this is called tardive akathisia. I also had the extreme long term sexual dysfunction that is finally recognized with SSRIs. It was like having a slab of rubber hanging from my torse. Severely numbed sensitivity and responsiveness for years. I had a lesser degree of this even while on the medication.

 

As agonizing as all of those symptoms were, none of them were the worst. The worst was the derealization and depersonalization. Everything looked so distant and unreal that it felt like being stuck in a nightmare. I couldn't see straight. It felt like being 80% dead already and you're already most of the way unplugged from the world. Every minute of every day is a literal nightmare and you can't wake up. Like I said I knew before typing all that that most people won't believe it. Aside from the derealization the worst part is dismissive everyone was of my condition. I was certain I was about to die and everyone everywhere told me it was all in my head. To be quite frank the only reason I didn't kill myself is because I was certain I was about to die anyway. I figured it was impossible to be so dysfunctional and not be about to die. It just becomes an implicit assumption. My mind ran on an endless loop of "Oh my God this can't be real. You're about to die. This is what dying feels like. Wake up. You'll be dead soon. This can't be happening. This can't be real." At first I was terrified to die. After the first year I welcomed it. It was just so relentless. Not a single moment of relief for one second of one day. My family isn't rich but I was on my parents insurance until I was 25. In the first 2 years I saw a total of 14 different doctors in one of the most developed parts in the world. Some of them had literal Ivy League medical degrees. Out of the 14 doctors there were 3 different primary care physicians and 11 were specialists. Everyone from a neurologist and psychiatrist to cardiologist and nephrologist. I spent all day every day trying to read medical journals and scour the deepest depths of anywhere finding other cases and answers. That was how I first found this site. Of all those visits the only thing I was ever diagnosed with was "pre-diabetes" from the endocrinologist because my blood sugar swings were so extreme.

 

I do not have a single one of any of the aforementioned symptoms today. At the time I was certain the drugs caused my condition but I wasn't sure how. Initially I thought I must have had a massive stroke. An MRI ruled this out. The neurologist actually initially suspected Multiple Sclerosis but never gave me a diagnosis for anything and finally suggested I was a hypochondriac and should see a psychiatrist. I suspected everything from a brain abscess to hepatic encephalitis. No doctor sees you for more than about 8 minutes and most of them ordered some variation of the same basic blood tests. I literally didn't have a single bodily function operating as expected and every one of them told me I was perfectly fine. I eventually started paying for tests out of pocket to test additional hypotheses.

 

The only things that really helped were vitamins and supplements. Particularly antioxidants. What finally made me turn a corner after an agonizing half decade was taking massive doses of specific nutritional supplements. I will not name any brands to prevent being accused of being some kind of shill but I will mention general vitamins. (I have also been accused of being a scientologist whenever I mention any of this. I am not and have never been and never will be. You shouldn't be either. It is a dangerous cult that happens to discourage vulnerable people from pursuing any mental health treatments besides them including psychiatry). Massive doses of B vitamins had a tremendous impact. Make sure you consume multiple variants of B12 as some people cannot absorb the most common one. Also make sure you get B1 and B6. Vitamins C, D, K, and E also made big differences. basically make sure you take all essential vitamins and minerals. I stumbled across some fringe studies done by doctors in the 70s about reversing Tardive Dyskinesia with the mineral manganese. It worked. I cured the tinnitus with a combination of supplements called bioflavonoids. Some of these are even marketed toward tinnitus relief. Tea is full of them and also helps. Particularly organic iced green tea with a lemon in it. Something about the lemon improves the antioxidant ability apparently. Red wine is full of anxioxidants too but alcohol made all my other symptoms far worse, especially the first few years. Organic products were somehow better. Basically any kind of antioxidant helped a little and massive doses combined made the recovery pretty rapid. Niacin, turmeric, and CoQ10 also yielded extreme improvements. Apparently massive doses of Niacin can reverse drug induced schizophrenia in a subset of patients if they take it for multiple years.

 

As much as I can't wait to put all this behind me I needed to come back here and write this. I used to read this forum for hours every day trying to find a story of someone who was as sick as I was and made a recovery. I came back to tell whoever might still be there that no matter how horrible it might feel, it isn't permanent. Somehow you're still in there. No matter how long and endless it feels. I'm definitely not saying it was worth it but I am more grateful of every moment I am not in pain than I ever thought was possible. Every single moment is a blessing I will never take for granted again. Good luck.

How long did you have depersonalization/derealization for? I’m at 3 years and 7 months and it has been with me since day 1 of my quit and it hasn’t let up at all.

[Rw80]

18 hours ago, Dustin said:

How long did you have depersonalization/derealization for? I’m at 3 years and 7 months and it has been with me since day 1 of my quit and it hasn’t let up at all.

I have had it the same amount of time with no relief whatsoever. And total amnesia 

[GGGG]

On 7/6/2023 at 11:59 PM, Rw80 said:

Wow I am as bad as you and I am on 3 years 2 months. 
 

did you lose your memory? Long and short term memory? I have and now I can’t tell seasons apart or even weathers. It’s very confusing. I am exhausted 

How long did you take antidepressants? How fast did yiu come off them?

[Rw80]

4 minutes ago, GGGG said:

How long did you take antidepressants? How fast did yiu come off them?

1 year. Doctor cold turkeyed me. 

[littlebird]

13 minutes ago, Rw80 said:

Doctor cold turkeyed me.

Ugh, I'm so sorry. Doctors all over the world seem to think this is fine when it should never be recommended. Such a disconnect that throws so many lives into disarray.

[Happy2Heal]

On 6/29/2023 at 1:02 AM, Faust said:

As much as I can't wait to put all this behind me I needed to come back here and write this. I used to read this forum for hours every day trying to find a story of someone who was as sick as I was and made a recovery. I came back to tell whoever might still be there that no matter how horrible it might feel, it isn't permanent. Somehow you're still in there. No matter how long and endless it feels.

thank you so very much for coming back to let us know that you recovered

 

what you describe sounds horrific and almost unbelievable, except to us who have been thru similar things. I totally get the not killing yourself because you were sure you were going to die anyway, I have been there (but only briefly, thank goodness)

it is a miracle and a testament to your strength that you got thru all this

thanks for the info on vits etc- I am 6 yrs off and am still having issues with certain nutrients being absorbed!! it is so frustrating. I have to take some pretty high doses and was thinking I should see a dr for this, but now I think I will just try the higher doses (and make sure they are not potentially toxic doses) and see if that helps. 

 

I think it's absolutely criminal that they are drugging children with these "medications" all the while ignoring the significant side effects not to mention how hard they are to get off of. 

 and am so sorry that happened to you

 

again thanks for checking it!! 

and CONGRATULATIONS!!!

 

 

 

[Rw80]

19 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

thank you so very much for coming back to let us know that you recovered

 

what you describe sounds horrific and almost unbelievable, except to us who have been thru similar things. I totally get the not killing yourself because you were sure you were going to die anyway, I have been there (but only briefly, thank goodness)

it is a miracle and a testament to your strength that you got thru all this

thanks for the info on vits etc- I am 6 yrs off and am still having issues with certain nutrients being absorbed!! it is so frustrating. I have to take some pretty high doses and was thinking I should see a dr for this, but now I think I will just try the higher doses (and make sure they are not potentially toxic doses) and see if that helps. 

 

I think it's absolutely criminal that they are drugging children with these "medications" all the while ignoring the significant side effects not to mention how hard they are to get off of. 

 and am so sorry that happened to you

 

again thanks for checking it!! 

and CONGRATULATIONS!!!

 

 

 

Happy2Heal,

 

I used to be a dietitian but this medication injury has taken all of my knowledge and memory. One thing that does stick out is be careful with B6 it can be toxic in high doses. B12 and 9 are water soluble so you could take high doses of these and the methyl version is better absorbed. I used to be very very smart in this department but that is all the information I have left inside my head. 
 

[jamesbond747]

Great Faust, I am back on this website after 5 years and I walked same road as you but more cautiously and more aggressively. 

I am going to write my success story in an hour but more detailed as I know bit of science till my intermediate.

I hope I can help others come out of this issue.

I hope altosrata is alive amd everyone is doing great, she gave us all hope including me.

[AmitV]

This is the best advice I’ve seen tbh. Antidepressant damage or withdrawal that begins with a feeling of “chemical doom/terror” often results in these functional neurological symptoms, and all the emotional and mental feelings associated with it. FND is neurological PTSD which includes DP/DR and many more symptoms that usually accompany just PTSD. 

 

Im so happy to hear about your recovery and sharing this with us. Niacin has been used for PTSD since the 60’s and large doses of B12 are an absolute must in FND’s. I’m not recommending anything to anyone, but applauding your full recovery and thanking you so much for coming back to share this with us. 
 

Turns out I have the same list of symptomology. I was extremely hopeless and I scoured this forum day and night to figure out if there was someone else like me. You’ve given me some hope. 
 

are you willing to share which particular bioflavonoids helped you the most?

 

Please also share how much dose of niacin? I read an old psychiatry study where niacin 1g, 3 times a day after each meal yielded immense improvements in PTSD and physical symptoms. I want to hear about your experience with dosage. 
 

As you can see from my below signature, I took SSRI for 6 weeks and while I did go into the chemical doom withdrawls, it didn’t make sense why I had all of this 11 months later. Until I was officially diagnosed with FND. The chemical doom of withdrawal and FND diagnosis made perfect sense. It also made sense how symptoms amplify in certain places, or under stress and why that happens as a response to trauma and stress. 
 

thank you so much once again.

[AmitV]

I posted about FND, but I’m also inclined to believe that these are also symptoms of mitochondrial damage. 
 

strangely Faust recovered with all the supplements mentioned for mitochondrial damage.

 

That’s how these supplements work for mitochondrial damage, they take 6 months to work.

 

Can’t hurt for anyone else suffering from any such debilitating symptoms to ask their doctor for ATP blood test and discuss this aspect with their practitioner. Very very easily missed!

 

https://ods.od.nih.gov/factsheets/PrimaryMitochondrialDisorders-HealthProfessional/

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5777788/
 

 

 

[Ma205]

33 minutes ago, AmitV said:

I posted about FND, but I’m also inclined to believe that these are also symptoms of mitochondrial damage. 
 

strangely Faust recovered with all the supplements mentioned for mitochondrial damage.

 

That’s how these supplements work for mitochondrial damage, they take 6 months to work.

 

Can’t hurt for anyone else suffering from any such debilitating symptoms to ask their doctor for ATP blood test and discuss this aspect with their practitioner. Very very easily missed!

 

https://ods.od.nih.gov/factsheets/PrimaryMitochondrialDisorders-HealthProfessional/

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5777788/
 

 

 

An atp blood test is all you’d need? 

[AmitV]

2 minutes ago, Ma205 said:

An atp blood test is all you’d need? 

Can't say 100%, if that's all that's needed for a test, but ATP is an important marker for it. 

[Hartattack]

Hey Faust,

 

What an incredible story! I am on year 3 off ADs.

 

I was wondering, when you started to use high dose vitamins and minerals, how long after did you start to see improvement? I have been using vitamins and minerals in high doses under the care of a specialist who uses HTMA (hair tissue mineral analysis) for about a year, and haven't seen much improvement other than a slight decrease in fatigue. I am hoping that within this next year I will see major improvements. Thanks.

[AmitV]

I come here and read your story everyday, gives me hope.

 

i have every symptom you’ve mentioned. Im 1000% sure i have the same MTHFR gene polymorphism as you do. If that’s what you have. 
 

 

[AmitV]

I change my previous statement. Now that I have started using the supplement protocol that Faust did and it’s working. This is dysautonomia but a fixable dysautonomia. I’ll suggest it as an opinion but I know exactly what it is. It’s functional neurological disorder, from trauma. Treat the trauma and symptoms go away. The trauma is akathisia.

 

Now that I suddenly catch myself doing things on autopilot that I haven’t done in over a year. My DP/DR went away in 3 weeks. Some symptoms just went away, don’t even remember what they felt like.

 

My balance suddenly improved one day I woke up, my gait issues suddenly disappeared. DP/DR went away one day while I was busy shopping. I had that exact same feeling of someone pulling my head out of a bowl of ammonia.
 

I’m taking P5P instead of B6 for akathisia and niacinamide and manganese. Those yielded the biggest improvements.

https://www.nhsinform.scot/illnesses-and-conditions/brain-nerves-and-spinal-cord/functional-neurological-disorder/

 

https://akathisiaalliance.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Guide-for-Clinicians-012224-editable.pdf
 

Some folks are not going to like my train of thought, I’m completely fine with that. But a kindled brain is a functional neurological disorder and underlying trauma is chronic akathisia. If you have any past trauma, treat that with EMDR therapy too. Treat all the traumas and fully recover.

 

[ShadowDancer]

@AmitVYou must be Hairy Camel from Reddit.

Tell me about your visual symtoms please.

How is your VSS now that you are taking suff.

Which stuff do you think works for VSS  the best?

 

[LukeUK]

On 12/29/2023 at 4:18 AM, AmitV said:

i have every symptom you’ve mentioned

 

OP describes barely being able to stand and having barely any cognitive function.

 

On 1/29/2024 at 4:01 AM, AmitV said:

went away one day while I was busy shopping
 

 

You're telling us you suffered from barely being able to stand, barely having any cognitive function but your symptoms "went away while busy shopping".

 

On 1/29/2024 at 4:01 AM, AmitV said:

Some folks are not going to like my train of thought, I’m completely fine with that. But a kindled brain is a functional neurological disorder and underlying trauma is chronic akathisia. If you have any past trauma, treat that with EMDR therapy too. Treat all the traumas and fully recover.

 

 

I could be led to believe that FOR YOU this is trauma. I think it's a bit rich to tell everyone else it is.