☼ Mattinsmom: update

[WinningThrough]

Hello Amy. I really like your name. If I ever get my creative brain back, I think I will have an Amy in my novel.

 

Glad you've had a happy day. The storm sounds wonderful. I used to love a good storm.

 

I hope you enjoyed your ghost shows and popcorn!

[Meimeiquest]

Still wishing you well!

[Rhiannon]

Aw... I think I got a touch of your happy fairy dust just from reading about your day and how you're doing.

 

And I'm going to steal borrow adopt with full credit to you the expression "vegetation meditation..."

[bubble]

I already adopted the term vegetation meditation except that I somehow misread it and changed it into weeding mediation! probably because I was weeding my patch just before reading your post

 

picking wild flowers in a meadow or taking their pictures or pictures of butterflies and clouds takes me into the present moment instantly

 

and thank you for reeminding me about yoga: I miss it! and your concept of starting to add it gradually is very useful: I could do a few postures even if 1.5 h class seems daunting at the moment.  

 

and yeah to enjoying TV shows! Isn't it mazing to be able to feel excitement about an activity  

[tezza]

I didn't catch things...I caught sleep.

Very happy you caught sleep! . Sleep is something that always makes me happy since I've been struck with WD. I hope you continue to be able to sleep well!

 

Hugs!

[mattinsmom]

Thanks to all of you for stopping by. 

 

Today, for a little bit, I felt like I got hit by a tsunami.

 

At some point earlier I realized I had spent several hours watching stupid videos on-line and that set my little brain off in a tizzy. Sitting on the couch doing nothing was the final straw that led me to take that step towards dropping my meds and here it was again? My head flew through all kinds of scenarios. First I told myself that I was simply overwhelmed and fatigued. But why? I tortured myself for awhile with the ideas that it is med related. I danced with the notion that since lethargic was how I was at my highest doses, and now it is repeating at lower doses, I must be a lost cause. This was proof, right?

 

Then I cried believing that clearly I'm was lost cause and should just admit defeat and go ask for meds. Naturally, this led directly to the start of a panic attack.I so nursed that one "see Amy, you can't breathe, look, you can't handle it, here you are having a panic attack, see, proof...". So, I cried some more. I "heard" Alto say "Change the channel" and defiantly thought "no!". I "heard" all of the stories of windows and waves and thought "So what!". I "heard" that this will pass and thought "F-it!". Oh, the joys of limited coping skills. I think I even stomped my foot once. 

 

So while I was wallowing in self pity, telling myself that I was making things worse by letting my thoughts run wild, and trying to figure out how much it would cost to bury me (seriously, I went that far) I thought to call my therapist. I decided not to do that but "heard" her say "What the hell is going on?" And in my head I answered...

 

My partner was sick a couple of days ago. I think I have whatever bug she had. I was up all night in the bathroom. I don't think that I slept for more than 1/2-hour. My stomach is flipping so I haven't eaten and the combo has left me with a headache. AND its gloomy, raining, I have to get groceries, and I keep having hot flashes. 

 

That is when I really heard myself. Of course I am tired. Of course I am lethargic. Of course feel off. Of course my emotions are running high. This is not proof of my utter worthlessness and need to be medicated - I was having a very normal reaction to being sick that I turned into something bigger because that is what I have learned to do.

 

The other day my partner hadn't slept, she'd spent a night in the bathroom and not eaten the next day, she was tired, lethargic, grumpy as all hell, miserable, etc, etc... and then she was better. 

 

I'm proud of myself for catching the behavioral pattern I had started to activate. Are things a little wavy at the moment? Yes. And, it is passing. It is temporary. It is up to me to deal with it or make it big. The rain is cooling things off.  I don't technically have to get groceries tonight. Hot flashes come with being female, get over it. I have a bug, I feel kinda crappy, and it is ok to be lethargic once in awhile.

 

For anyone who is wondering if things ever get better:

6-months ago I would have been self-abusive.

4-months ago I would have taken extra Lorazapam just because I could

2-months ago I would have called my therapist needing to be convinced this would pass

Today I figured it out.

 

There have been some pretty nasty waves along the way. I've had some truly ugly moments. I'm not cocky enough to think that I won't ever have a rough spell again. However, I see progress. It looks like it is getting "better".  

[mattinsmom]

The bug has left my body. Whew! Now my son's girlfriend has it

 

Today is a much better day. I slept, I'm eating, things are settled back into routine. And, the sun finally came out. Of course this means that tomorrow will be spend meditating with my vegetation. 

 

Now I'm off to make dinner. I have a cardinal that comes for a special treat every night about this time. As soon as I turn on the lights and start banging pots and pans he starts to chirp. I love that little guy.  

[Addax]

Hi Mattinsmom. Very glad to read the bug has left your body!

 

What you wrote about being hit by a tsunami resonated with me BIG time. It was so great and reassuring to read your thought process and how you caught your behavior. Yay! You should absolutely be proud. Breaking away from the that thought pattern is so difficult... I'm trying to do it right now!

 

Sounds like dinner with a cardinal was a great way to bring your day to a close (I'm assuming you're talking about the bird and not a baseball player or a Cardinal-priest... Not that there would be anything wrong with either of those scenarios!)

 

Happy vegetation meditation!

[EternalOptimist]

I too am impressed with your report. Been doing the same thing, watching my thoughts, trying to reframe them, change the channel ,watching thoughts gong by like on a screen and not to react to them or under react. a lot of work but worth it. Thumbs up.

[mammaP]

Thanks to all of you for stopping by. 

 

Today, for a little bit, I felt like I got hit by a tsunami.

 

At some point earlier I realized I had spent several hours watching stupid videos on-line and that set my little brain off in a tizzy. Sitting on the couch doing nothing was the final straw that led me to take that step towards dropping my meds and here it was again? My head flew through all kinds of scenarios. First I told myself that I was simply overwhelmed and fatigued. But why? I tortured myself for awhile with the ideas that it is med related. I danced with the notion that since lethargic was how I was at my highest doses, and now it is repeating at lower doses, I must be a lost cause. This was proof, right?

 

Then I cried believing that clearly I'm was lost cause and should just admit defeat and go ask for meds. Naturally, this led directly to the start of a panic attack.I so nursed that one "see Amy, you can't breathe, look, you can't handle it, here you are having a panic attack, see, proof...". So, I cried some more. I "heard" Alto say "Change the channel" and defiantly thought "no!". I "heard" all of the stories of windows and waves and thought "So what!". I "heard" that this will pass and thought "F-it!". Oh, the joys of limited coping skills. I think I even stomped my foot once. 

 

So while I was wallowing in self pity, telling myself that I was making things worse by letting my thoughts run wild, and trying to figure out how much it would cost to bury me (seriously, I went that far) I thought to call my therapist. I decided not to do that but "heard" her say "What the hell is going on?" And in my head I answered...

 

My partner was sick a couple of days ago. I think I have whatever bug she had. I was up all night in the bathroom. I don't think that I slept for more than 1/2-hour. My stomach is flipping so I haven't eaten and the combo has left me with a headache. AND its gloomy, raining, I have to get groceries, and I keep having hot flashes. 

 

That is when I really heard myself. Of course I am tired. Of course I am lethargic. Of course feel off. Of course my emotions are running high. This is not proof of my utter worthlessness and need to be medicated - I was having a very normal reaction to being sick that I turned into something bigger because that is what I have learned to do.

 

The other day my partner hadn't slept, she'd spent a night in the bathroom and not eaten the next day, she was tired, lethargic, grumpy as all hell, miserable, etc, etc... and then she was better. 

 

I'm proud of myself for catching the behavioral pattern I had started to activate. Are things a little wavy at the moment? Yes. And, it is passing. It is temporary. It is up to me to deal with it or make it big. The rain is cooling things off.  I don't technically have to get groceries tonight. Hot flashes come with being female, get over it. I have a bug, I feel kinda crappy, and it is ok to be lethargic once in awhile.

 

For anyone who is wondering if things ever get better:

6-months ago I would have been self-abusive.

4-months ago I would have taken extra Lorazapam just because I could

2-months ago I would have called my therapist needing to be convinced this would pass

Today I figured it out.

 

There have been some pretty nasty waves along the way. I've had some truly ugly moments. I'm not cocky enough to think that I won't ever have a rough spell again. However, I see progress. It looks like it is getting "better".  

Amy, I am so proud of you  

[mattinsmom]

The night before last I had wicked, wicked nightmares. For someone who hasn't had the ability to dream in God only knows how many years to have them return with such viciousness is just unfair. It put me off my game a little yesterday. I was lost in my head a bit, easily distracted, but ok. I did have a few teary moments but I know what those are connected with and its just grief and frustration. They were appropriate for the situation and I never felt out of control. After 20-years (+/-) of refusing to/being unable to cry, sometimes it just feels good to let it flow. I never thought I would be a fan of tears but often times I am.

 

Slept well last night. I am on a 1:30 - 6, up to pee, then 6:15 - 9 (when I dream). It makes such a difference to have a routine of sleep AND have it be one of enough sleep. 

 

Weather is good today and supposed to be that way for the weekend. I pray I can get a handle on my yard. It is feeling overwhelming and rapidly reaching the "too much" not ok point. I was hoping to be down to just maintenance at this point in the summer but with all the rain it is constant spring-weeds. Heading back out there soon. 

 

As terrible as this sounds I have a hankering for McDonalds. I know that it is crap food. Both of my boys work there and the stories they tell and yet...it is what I want. I've put it off for a couple of days now. I think today it might win. 

 

Oh, I added soy milk back to my diet. I have heard the stories of the trouble that can come from soy and I know it is gmo but it seems to really be helping with the hot flashes. I have one when I wake up and one whenever I lie down - have for years - but all of the others seem more controllable. Salt and chocolate seem to be my biggest triggers  . Eating in general generates little ones, I think that its metabolic. Regardless, the last few days have been easier. 

 

All in all, doing better than I ever believed I would. Thanks to each of you for your support and to those I don't know but whose threads I've stumbled upon and whose research I've read. 

[Meimeiquest]

So happy for all the great progress! You go!!!

[mattinsmom]

Vent

 

I am so ridiculously frustrated with myself today.

 

When I went to take my meds last night before bed I realized I had managed to cut (physically, not dose) my am Wellbutrin but failed to take any of it! Stupid!

 

I busted my arse in the yard yesterday. I worked about 8 solid hours of heavy yard work; removing tree stumps. root balls, and trimming branches (etc). It felt good to really work my body. It felt really, really good to climb way up in one of my trees in order to cut limbs off the power lines. I felt very successful. 

 

Last night I was a bit reserved and a little teary. I was tired. I was achy. I have bruises from head to toe and sore muscles in places that I didn't know had muscle. It was good tho, I had worked hard and thought/felt proud of all that I'd accomplished. Now I'm thinking reserved and teary were influenced by the meds. 

 

This morning I woke with the boo hoos. Tried to take a relaxing bath but got over-heated and pissy. I took all of my meds as I was supposed to, ate, and headed out to work. I was flying. I am so surprised at how weak I was. I thought I was going to puke. Not sick, its the someone ran to far kind queasy. Every time I bent over my head spun. And, my muscles were simply done. So I came in. I'm still flying tho. I have the shakes, mind racing to places I would rather it not go. 

 

GRRRRR! I know to be more careful with my meds, especially Wellbutrin. It and I have a most dysfunctional relationship. I know this is temporary. I'm trying to do some slow breathing when I can tolerate it. Pounding away on the keyboard helps. I'll probably go get some low-energy/dense food. I'm considering licking a lorazapam to see if it will take some of the edge off. Mostly I think I will wait it out knowing it is temporary and my own damn fault.

 

I'm disappointed in myself. I know better. I feel stupid.  

 

End vent

[areyouthere]

I am sorry that you forgot a dose and are suffering because of it but please know that we all make that mistake; I know that I have.

 

The good news is that it was a small mistake and depending on how your body chemistry works you may not notice it or it may take a number of days …i t's taken UP TO 5 days for me but sometimes I don't even notice it. So damn unpredictable...

 

Just be extra vigilant  not to miss a dose and take your dose at your regular time intervals so you are not adding problems.

 

We all do it!! And we all learn from it!!

 

RU

[mattinsmom]

Clearly I have a problem dealing with my (?) friend. I know - walk away - but I am not there yet. In the meantime I had a thought/question go thru my head today. 

 

I wonder if I am addicted to this person or if I am addicted to the pain I feel when thinking about her? 

 

I was never allowed to feel, well, express pain or negative emotions growing up. I got so good at denying them that I learned not to even acknowledge they exist. I did stop feeling. "Hush hush Amy". 

 

The less meds I take the more I feel. I wonder if I am, on some level, stroking the pain so that I can experience everything I'd shut out for so long. She is certainly an easy trigger.

 

One of my hate-iest (professional term) sentences is "Let it go". How can I let go of what I've not learned to recognize, own, or process?

 

I'm kinda in a sucky place. Not terrible. Nothing like it has been in the past. Not a wave yet but I'm feeling a ripple.  

[areyouthere]

Oh yes. You are finally feeling but not only that you are experiencing confusion/frustration (anger? What's THAT?!)  about not learning how to deal with these feelings.

 

Toss the drugs and withdrawal into the mix & we've got ourself one big **** pile. I hear you, Mattinsmom. In this case I would  consider CBT.  I have seen psychologists over the span of nearly 30 years. Some better than others. And though I don't always leave feeling "great" because I have to deal with FEELINGS I do always learn something new about myself and how I process them.

 

Just a thought. Have or do you have a "talk therapist"? I ran across this meme the other day… the older ( and the lower the dose of drugs) the stronger I feel. Perhaps this friend is not a healthy relationship for you any longer. Perhaps you are finding yourself and you no longer fit into her mold for you. I say ..make your own mold. RU

[mattinsmom]

Thanks RU

 

I do have a talk therapist. We've worked together for years and I adore her. She completely supports my decision to become drug-free. I've done CBT and DBT and EMDR and neurofeedback, all with some success. We do a mash-up of things. Today just stings a little more than other days and I'm trying to figure out why. I know there is no simple answer. Probably just "thinking too much". I'm frequently told I do that  

 

Love the thumbnail. I love every word of it. Now I have to figure out how to make it my truth.  

[Rhiannon]

I know you're not feeling great, but you are doing great.  And you'll feel better. Glad to hear you have an awesome T! Hang in there my friend.

[Meimeiquest]

Thinking of you!

[mattinsmom]

One of my surgeries was moved up to September 2. Its a week sooner than originally planned. I had intended to make a cut in a few days but decided to go ahead now. I want my vision back as much as possible so I'll tolerate whatever comes this way. I cut (Wellbutrin) from 100mg to 87.5 on Friday.

 

So far I'm ok. I worked out in the yard on Friday and yesterday until the rain came. Today I had company. I find the busier I keep the better off I am with my thinking. 

 

 

Physically I'm alright. I have been sleeping fairly well. I am still eating and maintaining weight. I have a bit of a headache creeping in today. Its a pressure more than anything else.  If it is still here tomorrow I can see my chiropractor.

 

Emotionally I'm tired from arguing with my son, I can get into a little self-pity if I let myself play the "why" and "what if" games, and I'm easily frustrated. Still, very manageable. My therapist is on-notice and I can call her 24/7 if need be. 

 

I'm expecting tomorrow to be harder. It has been raining now since yesterday afternoon and we've got thunder going in the background. Looks like another night of rockin' and rollin'. It is supposed to pour all day tomorrow. I'm trying not to set myself up but the rain and day 4 of a med drop...historically a crappy combo for me.

 

And maybe I will be just fine. 

 

Good thing - I took advantage of a break in the rain and made it to the grocery store. Oh, and the change in diet/addition of the soy have significantly stopped/decreased the intensity of my hot flashes. Yay. 

[WinningThrough]

Not caught up properly with your thread but just dropped by to say hello and will write when I have caught up.

[mattinsmom]

Thanks for stopping by. It means a lot

[Rhiannon]

Thanks for checking in on me, Amy. It's really helpful for me.

 

Did you get rain? I wish we would get some here. But I guess if I wanted more rain I could just move west a little...30 miles west of here they get twice as much rain as we do. It's called a rain shadow, due to the mountains. People think of the Pacific Northwest as green and rainy, and it is, but just along the coast. The eastern two-thirds of Oregon and Washington are basically desert. I live right on the edge where it goes from green to brown. Or rather just past the edge into the beginning of the brown part.

 

So what is this surgery in September? And how are you feeling right now with that latest cut? I'm so impressed by you, it seems like you're doing a great job navigating your tricky situation.

[mattinsmom]

Hi Rhi

 

Oh, we get rain. We have had more than our share of it this summer. Way more of our share. Today is gloomy in the back, overcast with an intermittent hint of blue in the front, and wet all over. 

 

The surgery is actually plural. My vision has been tanking steadily. Somewhere along the line I developed cataracts and they have to come out. Worse is I have areas of abrasions that are moving around my eyes which cause ever-changing blind spots. The abrasions are physically altering the shape of my eyes and the changes are becoming more permanent. It is limiting my vision and will progressively get worse. Wellbutrin is a known contributing factor and eye surgeon wants me off asap.

 

He has me on 3 different kinds of eye drops to help heal the abrasions. Problem there is I use the drops, they help, I take my Wellbutrin, it hurts (and repeat). Now, the sooner the Wellbutrin is out of my body the more my eyes will heal and we need as many of the abrasions healed as possible before the operation.Plus, we need to stop the progression of the physical change. The ease and success of the surgeries is directly impacted by the health of my eyes when we start. At this point things are too far gone to get me to a place where I wouldn't need glasses without major surgery but I am ok with glasses. Bottom line, things are more involved than cataract surgery but only some changes to the lenses and what-not needs to be done. Left eye is scheduled for surgery on 9/2, right eye is 9/23. September is eye-month for me. I have appointments, surgeries, and follow-ups every week. 

 

When I take my desire to be off of Wellbutrin and add in my neurologists strict instructions to get off it as close to now as possible (even if it means taking something else) because of lesion questions, and now my surgeon says no more I've decided its time to buck it up even if it means I feel more side effects. Oh, and Shamans in Peru kept touching my head and insisting I "stop depress medicine". This was before I knew anything of my lesion/eyes. Creepy-cool.

 

I am trying to be a little disciplined to help minimize the side effects. I'm watching what I eat/drink, getting regular exercise and sleep, seeing my therapist (and have her on speed dial), and am working with my chiropractor. I know ts not going to be easy but I would rather be able to see and maybe have the lesion go away. 

 

As for the recent cut, its day 4. I'm easily triggered emotionally and my 17-yo knows it and is being a putz. Crying more easily but I'm ok with sitting with it and letting it run its course. I've got a headache/pressure. I'm pretty tired but said 17-yo decided at 12:30 to ask a question he knew the answer to  and then got pissed at me for saying no. Our "discussion" was heated and went on much later than I would have liked. All things considered, I'm doing ok.  I'm sure I will be here looking for support as things progress.

[mlrp]

Hello, mattinsmom,

 

I am a miserable, part-time contributor here, but 100% a member of the community in terms empathy - especially for those who are struggling with the same meds I am on.

 

So, just a quick hello, and sincere wishes for continued progress and recovery.

 

P.S. Loved your 14 July post - rings sooo true.

[Barbarannamated]

Amy,

 

I haven't been around much recently, but read your recent update and am interested in how you came across 2 doctors (if I'm reading correctly... a neurologist and ophthalmologist?) who are aware that Wellbutrin can cause brain lesions and eye problems. The odds of finding docs in- the- know AND will speak out about it seem slim. I've had 3 completely different interpretations of my MRIs by different docs

(neuro, endocrine, and panel of neuroradiologists at medical school) and none have connected to drugs. I think you said your doc didn't say absolute "causation"..?

 

Is the eye stuff documented in medical literature? I, too, have significant vision problems (steadily increasing myopia after LASIX and post vitreous detachment). Very disorienting.

 

Thanks for any input.

[Rhiannon]

Amy sweetie have you asked the eye doc if there is something that you could maybe transition to (from Wellbutrin) that would not have the same effects on your eyes? I know other ADs have antihistamine effects and can cause dry eyes but maybe there's one that's better. I don't usually recommend transitioning from one AD to another (as you know) but this is a special case since you need off the Wellbutrin immediately. Switching meds isn't easy and can still result in WD symptoms but it might be better than a CT of the Wellbutrin.

 

Just something to think about, although I'm sure you already have.

 

Hugs!!!!!

[mattinsmom]

Hi Rhi

 

I've thought about switching meds. I've thought about a lot of things and have come up with dozens of justifications for not switching but really that is all they are. To be completely honest I don't want to switch. I don't want to go thru the effort, or the trial and error, or anything else. I'm tired. I'm tired of the med game. I'm tired of having to even think about things like permanent damage to my eyes, losing my vision, and brain lesions. I know quick stops are not good. Based on my past drops I know that I'm going to get headaches, I'm going to be tired, I'm going to be hopping around with neuroemotions, and right now it is worth the risk for me. I'm just done.

 

Maybe this is the last med drop talking. Maybe it is the battle that is going on with one of my kids right now. Maybe it is bit of a temper tantrum. Maybe it is that all of my buttons are being pushed, the PTSD (and whatever other lovely childhood leftovers), and feeling so powerless over my life right now that I dread every waking second. My son is out of control, his safety is seriously at risk, and there isn't a flippin' thing I can do but sit here and watch. Wellbutrin is probably the only thing I currently have any control of in my life. This is the only place/thing where I can say stop, where I can get off the ride. The meds have to stop eventually anyway - the Wellbutrin at least. Are any of those good reasons for plowing forward? No. But it is where I am right now. 

 

And I know that I am a lot of talk and a real baby when it comes down to it. If things get bad I'll slow the taper again and just deal with whatever comes of the surgery. But today, I'm tired and headstrong. And, I'm ok.

 

Hi Barb - the box warning speaks briefly to potential visual problems connected to Wellbutrin. As for how I ended up with multiple drs making the same observation - divine intervention? I was referred to both of them by the same optometrist who has worked with me when I had visual problems from a lithium toxicity. I did have retinal detaching at one point but that seems to have stopped. My neurologist did say that she could not say that Wellbutrin was "causation" of the lesion but she was very adamant that it was not helping any and that it was causing damage regardless of the lesion. She is NOT a Wellbutrin fan.     

[Barbarannamated]

Thanks, Amy. I hope things improve for you soon. B

[Rhiannon]

Amy, please be careful. When you first came here you were not in good shape and I'd hate to see you go back there again. Keep an eye on your weight and your appetite. 

 

A feeling of urgency about getting off meds is not unusual in withdrawal; I consider it a symptom of withdrawal, actually, that "I've got to get off now now cut more faster now!" feeling. It's gotten me in trouble quite a number of times. I think I've finally learned to rein it in, but even after four years, it's an ongoing battle.

 

I just don't want to see you going back to that bad place and frankly you sound like you're worsening now where for a while you were sounding better. So I worry about you.

[mattinsmom]

Rhi,

 

I always appreciate your frankness. Honestly, I do.

 

I did talk with my Drs. Eye and Neuro are not comfortable prescribing psych meds . Talked with psychiatrist last week and he felt that the Lamictal with adjust to the decreases and level everything out eventually. I know, I'm pushing the time. I saw my chiropractor yesterday. He'd been on vacation last week. He has been such a huge factor in my emotional stability. Its weird, good, but weird how much an adjustment can do for my mood. And, he is going to help me talk with my son about the drug use and explain some other options to him.  

 

I do know that I am easily provoked and last week got the better of me. My son is experimenting with pills now. And, the one I caught him with was Zoloft. He ended up having a really mean streak, not like him at all. We'd spent days fighting before I wrote the other day. Things have settled a bit. Not great, he is still smoking pot, but we've found a more peaceful ground. My partner really let him have it about the way he was treating me and it has made a difference. He got called on his behavior (by someone other than me) and I was defended. New experiences. In hindsight, I think that he might have been experiencing side effects from the Zoloft. He was aggressive (not physical hurting me), angry, impulsive, self-inflated, and a puck. He feels (energetically) more normal today. I cleaned his room today and my partner said that even the air in there felt different. Maybe we have a window with him (fingers crossed)

 

We've clarified the no sex in the house rule and removed the loophole of "but it wasn't actual intercourse". He has lost the keys to the cars, he missed a trip to the beach, he does not get to house-sit for the next two-weeks, and I got to go thru every inch of his room and will continue to do so on a regular basis. 

 

My friend (trigger) is out of state too. Saying good bye and dealing with some of that was uncomfortable. Now that she is gone I feel better. No worrying about whose turn it is to call, do I want to even talk, blah, blah, blah...

 

Today is better and I am welcoming it while it is here. I'm still going to keep plugging away at the decreases. I know it is fast. I know I'm taking risks. Today is better than yesterday so I'm taking it as it comes. 

 

Tell you what tho - I am in no hurry to get off the Lamictal. Yes, I want off it, but not going to start that drop for a long time!

 

So really Rhi, I do hear you even when I decide to go against logic. I do appreciate your feedback. I do appreciate knowing that you'll be there. It is ok to tell me "I told you so" if the time comes. I know that you care and it means a lot. 

[mattinsmom]

Hello, mattinsmom,

 

I am a miserable, part-time contributor here, but 100% a member of the community in terms empathy - especially for those who are struggling with the same meds I am on.

 

So, just a quick hello, and sincere wishes for continued progress and recovery.

 

P.S. Loved your 14 July post - rings sooo true.

Thanks for stopping by. I am often a part-time contributor but full time in care too.

[Rhiannon]

Aww...I'll try not to tell you "I told you so." I don't think you need to hear it. It sounds like you're very aware of the importance of taking care of yourself and I really do trust your intelligence and awareness. I just might have to tell you I'm worried about you once in a while. It doesn't mean you have to change, maybe just give me a bit of reassurance like you just did...

 

:-)

 

Hugs!

 

And I really do hope you can get off this Wellbutrin fast and safely.

[mammaP]

Just catching up Amy and sending a mamma hug. 

[mattinsmom]

Well

I just wrote this great update and my computer decided to go back to a previous page so I lost it all. So, 

 

I'm feeling pretty good

Didn't do a drop yet, puppy-sitting a beagle and thought it is better to wait a few days

Things with youngest have fallen back into our old routine. 

I'm addicted to Minecraft

Puppy just realized there is a squirrel in tree - ut oh!

[mlrp]

I'm addicted to "Pocket Frogs." Lame, I know. I like the colors.  Just a little hello, and healing thoughts.