Skylarblue75 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 Thanks just and muddles Few hours crapy sleep, then awake. Restless, anxious, jumpy nauseous, mind still in hyperdrive, shaking, disoriented,pain, thinking and feeling insane. So tired but can't just get sleep, which makes everything worse. Constant depression, is there any hope for me to get well? My mind and emotions are all over the place all the time. The constant overdrive, anxious feeling is really taking its toll, I'm glad I have no benzos in the house because I would be popping them like tic tacs and that's not me at all. Not like the helped. Still trying to avoid going to the hospital but I'm so desperate to just be able to get sleep and to live some form of normalcy. I mean if I could just get a true sign that this was solely all from w/d, "a window" then I wouldn't be so ready to go to the hospital. But I don't fit the pattern that a lot on hear describe, which worries me even more. I can't live like this anymore and in a world that seems unreal all the time. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Pugknows Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Hi Skylar, I'm so sorry you are suffering like this. I've only had two small windows in 9.5 months and I have all the same symptoms you do. When the akathisia subsided for me, it was replaced by insomnia. I was unable to fall asleep. I've taken Unisom OTC for the last two nights, the doxylamine one, not the other one they make. I've been able to fall asleep and I don't wake up groggy. I don't want to be dependent on yet another drug, even OTC, so I'm going to just tough it out for the next few nights, but at least I know there's something that helps me when I just need to sleep. I'm not recommending you try this because we're all different and I don't know how you'll react in your highly sensitive state, but it's better than having to go to the hospital where they'll plow me with the nasty big gun drugs. Skylar, this is all your raw overly sensitized nerves in high gear firing off over the top spitting adrenaline everywhere chaotically. You are only 14 months completely off drugs, which is still early. Two years seems to be the norm for seeing significant improvement. Your family's demands on you keep you in a constantly agitated state. I admire your strength. I could not do what you do. I'm 61 years old and only have to look after myself and my pug, and it is monumental torture to just do this sometimes. You are much stronger than I am. I am bedridden most of the day. You'll get through this, Skylar. One hour, one day at a time. Just feed and dress the kids. Don't engage in arguments with them or hubby. Just quietly go to your room and sit for a few minutes when things look like they are escalating. Breathe deeply and reemerge calmly. Your only other job, besides caring for your family, is caring for yourself. That means keeping yourself calm. In this sh*tstorm, that in itself is a full time struggle. You have a bigger challenge with a demanding family nipping at your heals. But the calmer you are, the calmer your family will be. I love you and pray for you. Pug January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Pugknows Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 PS Sky: I know you've heard all this before. I'm just one little whisper in the storm. Your baby goal each day is to find the eye of the storm where it's calm and make the eye bigger and longer until the storm passes. You can do this. Repeat words in your head as you breathe: Peace...Calm...Safety...Sleep...Serenity...Soft...Smooth...Easy...Float...End. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 Be crying pretty much nonstop for the past 2 days, so tired and dizzy, headache, pain nauseous and crazy. How much more of this do I have to take, I have cried enough tears the past 3 years to fill my pool in the back yard. I thought these daily, multiple or all day crying spells would be long gone by now, it just doesn't want to stop. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 I can't deal with any of this anymore. I get zero to little sleep and when I do it doesn't feel like I'm sleeping but I'm dreaming and the dreams are bizzare and I'm always waking up mid dreaming. Then the sweating, nausea increase in tremors, mind racing even more etc and I can't fall back asleep. The dreams seem so real that when I jolt awake it seems like that's reality. All day long I'm in a state of anxiety, restlessness, terror, agitation, pain, crying, yelling and snapping, rage, walking around exhausted in a dream like state, dizzy, nauseous, jaw clenched, barely able to care for myself let alone my kids. im tired of questioning reality, if what I say and do is normal, snapping and losing it over everything. Simply trying to shower or wash a dish is difficult and brings me to tears. Questioning if I'm delusional. I'm exhausted and acting unreasonable. This is brain damage or I have schizophrenia, my husband can't take me anymore. I keep arguing with him or talking about the same things over and over, that's a clear sign of schizophrenia. I've must have had it for a while because the arguing about the same thing and talking about the same things over and over I've done for years. I can't get over things from the past and this has gotten worse in the past 3 years. I'm now afraid to be around my kids and family and have social issues. I don't want to be touched. I've never in the past heard voices or seen things or any sleep issues. I don't know anymore I'm losing it and it's getting worse. I tired of being suisidal everyday, that's not normal. I would hope that anyone on here, especially the mods gets a strong indication that what I've been posting is totally irrational and is indicating there's something more going on with me than w/d please tell me. If this was solely withdrawal wouldn't I have some kind of "windows" where I would be somewhat "normal" I don't even know what's normal for me anymore or if I ever was to begin with. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Skylar, I think you are just amazing and so strong. Xxx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 I think this is all withdrawal Skylar. These are not symptoms of schizophrenia or any other mental illness. Psychosis is characterized by delusions and hallucinations which you don't have. You have withdrawal. I don't know why you keep questioning it, I don't understand, it's so clear that this is what's going on. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
PapaBear Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Hi Skylar, I don't think at all that you are delusional or schizophrenic but not sleeping at all can lead to such feelings. This also happens to people who are not in wd. Reading your lines above I think you are simply pretty exhausted. Couldn't you try to get some rest for a couple of hours somehow? Or maybe try to meditate for some minutes? KR/PB - Paroxetine since more than 10years - 20mg for the first five year, then 10mg since - Several attempts to withdraw cold turkey following doctor's advise - Last attempt in spring 2015 to reduce 10 -> 5 -> 2.5 -> 0mg within 2 months -> Extreme wd problems - Reinstated with 10mg then down to 5mg again 04/01 5mg (tingling and muscle problems) 07/20 5mg (less problems) 08/20 4.95mg (muscle tightness, no more tingling sensations) 12/28 3.27mg (muscle tightness, numb feeling in feet and hands, light tingling sensations Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 Can't sleep, try meditating doesn't work with my mind in hyperdrive. And feeling like your constantly jacked up on adrenaline but exhausted at the same time. Feeling jittery, when you can actually see me tremoring all the time. It's really hard to accept this is drug w/d when I've been in this state for 3 years now. Sorry I've come to the point of desperate, when there's no let up and I can barely function. This has been my life for 3 years and it's getting worse, not better. I thought I would be seeing some change, just a little something. I really don't know what to say anymore here, my symptoms don't change. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted July 21, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 21, 2015 Hi, Skylar, I'm so sorry you are struggling like you are with this craziness. I think PapaBear makes a good point in that a little sleep (or even just the chance to shut off your brain) would be a good place to turn this around for you and allow your brain to focus on bodily repair rather than self-preservation. Have you tried any of the brainwave tape technology products which help you move into deeper brainwave states faster? Things like brainsync or holosync. They have samples online and might be a way for you to calm your brain without having to meditate in the classic sense. Just a thought. Best to you, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
WinningThrough Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Hi SB. I'm so sorry for your hell. I really relate to your symptoms and know it's harder for you than me because of your situation. I wish I could take all this away for you. Someone I know was getting no sleep at all for ages and then she started drinking Tart Cherry juice. She said it really helped her insomnia x The only way out is through. Aug 2013 - Augmentin leading to akathisia Sept-Nov 2013 - Citalopram 20mg, severe reaction, off at 5mg. Valium 4mg, prn Oct 2013 - 5 zopiclone tablets, 7.5mg End Nov 2013-end Feb 2014, Seroquel, top dose 150mg, off at 25mg End Nov 2013-early march 2014, Zoloft 100mg top dose, off at 25mg End Dec-2013-early April 2014, lorazepam 1mg prn April 3rd 2014 zoloft 5mg for a few days. 18/4/14 - zoloft, 1mg. Came off at 0.35 mg,14th June 2014 29 June 2014 - 1mg lorazepam, last ever 29 June 2014 - med free Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 Thanks apace and WT, I will look into the brainwave suggestions. I'm afraid to try tart cherry juice, it seems anything that I have tried to help with the insomnia has had the opposite affect on me. Anything I've done or tried to help with the insomnia has made a difference. Not even a sleep mask or blacking out my windows. Nothing has changed. My brain and body refuse to relax even though I'm exhausted. I need to rest, but can't. I can't go on for years and years without sleep. I really beginning to think Alto isn't the only extreme case of insomnia and I tried lamictal and it made me worse and got a rash from it. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 If we lived in the same city, I'd give you my CES machine to try. For me it seems to not work unfortunately, but other people have had good results with it. OffEffexor had insomnia, and now he doesn't anymore. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 Thanks blue, with my luck the CES machine would cause me problems as well. The thing is I've been dealing with this extreme insomnia now for 3 years. Trying to go back on meds and now even at 14 months off my last meds. With no improvement, never had problems with my sleep. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 The important thing is to try and rest dear. Don't stress over the lack of sleep. Just try to rest your mind and body whenever you can. Like Alto says, we have to find ways to cope and self soothe. Take a look at this. I'm trying it everyday whenever I can. http://www.livingflow.net/bruno-groening-healing-heilstrom/ I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
AliG Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 Skylar, if you look around , quite a few of us have this extreme insomnia. I have it with "burning & restless" legs, that most nights are intolerable. The days & nights seem to blend into a "never ending " cycle of "torment" , with no end in sight. For myself, I just try & "accept" it as part of the "journey", to eventual "freedom from drugs". It is "torture" to be sure, but there is no other option, in my mind, but to go through it. For me it has been one of the hardest symptoms to deal with, because it just makes you feel so lousy, all the time, on top of the other symptoms, you're dealing with. Dragging yourself through each day, "sleep deprived", (to the Max ), is just torturous. I totally identify with you, but don't have any answers. I can only empathize, and hope that this ends soon for us both. I do believe, it's just a matter of time. However , I understand that it feels like an "eternity". Hugs, Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted July 24, 2015 Author Share Posted July 24, 2015 Thanks to all who have stopped by, I'm not doing well at all. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
AliG Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 Sky, Hang in there. You know we love you.. Don't cut yourself, off. You will survive , this. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
pug Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 Skylar, I am hoping for some relief to come your way very soon. Please keep us posted. 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
AliG Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 Sky , _ hugs . You will be ok. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 I'm still here. I have to do something, I have to start sleeping again, I'm so sick and exhausted but restless, anxious, crying everyday and in a constant state of DP/DR with feeling detached with a bunch of other symptoms. And something has to give with my emotions and behavior. I have to start functioning and caring for my children. I've been nonfunctional for 3 years, and there has been no change for me at all. I can't handle anything at all. I think after I have my thyroid biopsy that I'm going to see a NP, don't know where I'm going to get the money. Something has to give, I've had problems for a very long time with my thyroid and other hormones. I'm so tired of hearing I'll be ok and things will change, nothing has. 3 years of suffering and putting my family and what friends I have left through hell. I'm sorry to come across nasty and ungrateful for support but I'm done and tired of struggling. There has to be something else going on on top of w/d for my symptoms to be at this level for as long with no change. Or this is really the true me and I rather take my life then be like this and let my family move on and have some normalcy. The way I have to look at this is if I can't sleep my brain and body can't do normal daily repairing which is making me even more depressed and anxious, which in return makes my mood and behavior worse. If I can't eat a lot of healthy foods that I didn't have any issues with before without having reactions then that leads to vitamin and mineral deficiencies but can't take a simple multivitamin or any other supplement without a reaction. And then to have these issues never really resolve. It's just a never ending cycle of sickness that can't be broken, let's be honest here. Sorry but I don't have the luxury of just sitting back and let time pass, maybe if I had a better support system things would be a little more tolerable. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 Good job Skyler - I guarantee you will feel a huge difference once you get your thyroid figured out and go to a NP! I've been seeing a NP for a month now. She has been balancing my hormones (I am estrogen dominant) and I made it through my last period 1000x better than before. I promise you there is hope!!!! Your body just needs to be balanced ❤️ Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Frustrated Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 I have been ill for years and getting nowhere with my doctor. WD just made everything ten times worse. I finally saved up some money to go in and speak to an NP. After speaking with her for an hour and looking through all my symptoms over the years she thinks I may have Hashimotos. My doctor has never even mentioned that. I think it may be worth your while to see an NP if you can manage. They seem to be more knowledgeable about the body as a whole and may offer you some help that actually helps. Praying you can figure out a way to get the help you need. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 Nothing changes, soon to be 15 months off my last a/d. What's the point of posting here? All I do is talk about the same crap all the time. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
direstraits Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 sorry (((Skylar))) I'm 15 mos. off,too and it's all getting so old,just goes on and on. don't really know what to say anymore,just hope we all manage to survive this nightmare,somehow. xo went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
AliG Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 We all do Skylar. I'm 14 months. I know you're angry & I don't blame you, but who are you talking about who has "the luxury" of sitting back & letting time pass ? We are "support" for each other. I hope you feel better, soon. Love, Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 Thanks DS Sorry Ali, if my last post came across curt, what I mean is that I just can't let time go by and see if I get better. With 3 young kids, 2 who have medical problems and no support, it's expected of me to do it all, stop this act and get on with life. My husband said its a woman's job to raise and discipline kids, cook, clean and also work and it's a mans job just to work. I truly feel if my home situation was much better and I had better support and understanding instead of being told I'm crazy and need to live the rest of my life in a mental hospital, I would be recovering better. He wasn't like this until we moved in together and then the kids came and it got worse. I told him it states in the bible it's the man who is supposed to be the primary disciplinary figure and he said it saids in the bible that a woman is supposed to keep her mouth shut and do what she's told to do. I'm not a submissive type and he doesn't like that. I'm only staying with him because I'm sick and have nowhere else to go. I pray that I make some sort of recovery so I can get back to work and leave my husband, I'm not stable enough to do that right now. I have to show I'm mentally stable and can care for my kids so that I can take them with me. He will do everything he can to prove that I'm "crazy" and unfit to take the kids. I should have never touched an a/d and never went into a mental health facility 4 times, he now has that to use against me and it's very damaging for me. I'm screwed. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
AliG Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Skylar, I know this is so hard, and you have so much on the line. Are you having any therapy/ counseling ? You have every right to sound upset. You are going through "the pits". I'm so sorry you don't have more support. you don't sound "curt", just "troubled". I so wish we could do more here, but we can't. All we can do is to offer, some guidance & help. Just because nothing changes, don't stop posting. We all support you, and are hoping for the best. Hang in there, my friend. You are not "screwed". Just "challenged" at this point in time. Hugs to you. Love , Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Frustrated Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 I have the responsibility of children as well so I do understand that part of it. I don't however have to deal with abuse from a partner and I am sorry that you do. You have every right to be upset. You are not in the best spot right now and if you need to post about the same things you should feel free to. I understand. I hope that being on here offers you at least a small amount of support and comfort or at least validation. I do think about you and hope that you are able to find a way to ease your situation soon. Hugs. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 5, 2015 Author Share Posted August 5, 2015 Thank you frustrated, I know you struggle daily with all of this and have to raise your kids alone, my hat is off to you! Well I have caught a nasty cold that my 3 year old has, which is making me feel like more dog poo. I did sleep about 6 hours, broken, woke up at 3am because the little guys was up crying. draged myself across the hall sweating and shaking, twitching ready to vomit. He settled back down. Usually when I'm awaken by something or just wake up in the rare chance I sleep that's it I'm done and awake even though I'm exhausted and want to go back to sleep. But last night I managed to go back to sleep. No matter if I sleep 3 hours or I sleep 6, I always feel the same and still exhausted. Right now I just want to crawl back into bed. I miss sleeping, I slept like the dead and could sleep through a tornado mashing through my house. It's just day after day of never ending suffering and not functioning. Hope you all are doing well today. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Share Posted August 9, 2015 Back to not sleeping again, this is getting really old. Today marks 15 months off my last ingested med. I have nothing to show for it, it's all the same. And it will be 3 years next week that I've been living my life in this intense hell and only getting worse. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
direstraits Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 don't know how you're surviving. my heart goes out to you, XO went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 And mine sx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 Thanks dire and love, I wouldn't even call it surviving, I'm a mess every second. I do know for sure hormones are playing a lot of havoc into this for me. I can't do anything about that, I've tried several attempts in the past 3 years to go back on the pill twice and bio identical hormones and the attempts just make everything worse. Never had problems taking the pill before. I really feel if some predictable sleep pattern would return, even if it was 4-5 hours s night that would help. My brain still won't shut down, I've been really trying to meditate, it's hard when your in overdrive and feel totally detached from your body all the time. I didn't have this detachment issues or dp/dr and half of my symptoms until my rapid benzo detox. So I don't know, I'm having a hard time sorting out what's w/d, what's hormonal and what's the true me. I'm really having a rough time with guilt right now because I didn't go to my brothers wedding over the weekend. I've missed out on so much the last 3 years and it keeps playing over and over in my mind. I wish I didn't have this horrible anxiety and agoraphobia, it's destroying everything. My mother told me the other day I can't live my life isolated and like a hermit. That my kids need to get out of the house. That just made me even more upset. I don't understand why the anxiety is staying and at the level that it's been for so long. Even when I think about going to past events like weddings, party's or going to the beach or something as simple as grocery shopping it causes me panic and anxiety, why?? I don't understand that, nothing bad happened. I just don't know anymore. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Hold on Skylar. It cannot and will not be like this forever. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
AliG Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 Skylar, as one who suffers insomnia as well, I can totally relate to what you're saying. It's the time when the body "repairs", and if you're not getting that "rejuvenation", nothing else seems to work, properly. The anxiety & agoraphobia "ramps up" , and you can't cope. "Neuro - emotions" seem to run rampant. I'm getting small "windows" with my sleep, and I hope you will, soon. It could be hormonal as well. Have you had testing ? Even if you have, it takes time to get the "balance" right. I know your patience is "running thin", but keep going. Hoping you get a break, very soon. Love & hugs, Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
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