LoveandLight Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Of course your not doing this to yourself..Kelly brogan..maybe check her out..very knowledgeable on withdrawal and woman's problems..you could also maybe put a comment on one of her blogs as a response to an article..reach out xxx hugs 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 I'm rooting for you Skylar. I hope you see some better days soon. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 How much more do I have to endure?? Why don't I have any windows?? Soon to be 14 months off my last engested a/d and I'm still suffering. Do I really have an chance of recovering? I'm sick of this, I don't sleep and still have terror, panic, anxiety and fear now with nausea at 4am on the dot, that doesn't want to let up. I walk around like a zombie, but can't rest. I drag myself to the shower and I have to sit on the shower floor because I'm in so much pain and so dizzy just to struggle to wash myself. Constantly in a fog. My appetite is terrible, On going GI issues. My older son has to help care for my 2 year old. I feel like I'm going insane with my mind being in overdrive constantly. I mean and nasty, my skin burns or goes numb. Still feeling detached from the world. Barely drive or leave the house because it looks strange and not real. I seriously can't live like this for more years to come. Something has to give! I've read thought the symptoms and self care section. Can't take supplements, I now have black trash bags duct taped over my windows along with black out curtains, which my husband thinks is crazy and thinks I'm going even more insane, that doesn't help. I changed diet, that doesn't help. I try to meditate, yeah right, I do mindfullness, that's a joke. Every relaxation technique and nothing. It's really hard to relax and not have stress in my life when I have 3 kids. I shake and twitch with internal vibrations 24/7. I cry everyday, and over almost everything . I can't enjoy anything, everything just puts me into overdrive. I have NO family suport, I can't talk to my mother anymore she just keeps telling me there's more drugs that I need to try or its time for ECT or maybe it's my thyroid. I'm tired of forcing myself just to survive. I can't live with both the physical and mental bs at the same time anymore, one needs to stop and stop for good. Thank goodness for auto correct on my phone or I wouldnt be typing this. How do I have hope when there's no improvement? I don't understand anymore. My body is going crazy along with my brain. Maybe this is the true me, a depressed, anxious, insomniac, crazy mess. How do I know I'm not crazy or schizophrenic or a weird case of bipolar? How do I know I'm making any sense what so ever? Is this what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life? Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 This is not the real you xxx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Frustrated Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I feel for you Sky. I have 3 kids and I suffer everyday too. In so much pain and the doctor doesnt care so I have no options for any help. Don't know what to do anymore. I will keep praying for us all. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 Not doing good. Sleep is non existent, headaches, nausea is horrible to the point I'm vomiting,pain in my stomach, no one in the house is sick. Diarrhea then some times constipated. The GI problems have been with me now for over 3 years. How could this be still w/d? So dizzy and in pain, I'm so exhausted but wired, shaking. Whoever said sleep deperavation doesn't kill you is wrong! Don't know what to do anymore or what to think. To many "what ifs" factoring into this now. So scared, can't keep going on like this. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Iamfine Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Sky- I'm sorry you are suffering so. I saw your post on meditation "yeah right". Me too. I tried to meditate a couple times and all it did for me was to make me more anxious. I don't have any magical advice for you except to tell you that you are not alone. Hang in there... As requested. In the last 3 years to the best of my recollection I first dropped the max dose of Lamictal. Yes I just stopped it was doing absolutely nothing. Then I dropped Lexapro, that was even easier I had been on and off that a dozen times before. There were at least 2 odd off label attempts at anxiety that I won’t be able to remember. Then there was sweet/evil Seroquel. That was the last to go it’s been around 16 months. Lithium, Prozac, Paxil, Wellbutrin, Effexor, Celexa, Lamictal, Lexapro, Luvox, Viibryd, Brintellix, Pristiq, Zoloft, Seroquel, Zyprexa, Geodon, Abilify, Latuda, Ritalin, Adderall, Valium, Clonazepam, Alprazolam, Propanalol, Spravato Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 I can't take not sleeping, I'm exhausted but sleep won't happen. I'm becoming more mentally and physically sick. This is above and beyond insomnia, this is sleep deperavation and my brain won't go into sleep mode. I yawn and want to sleep. I tried A small dose of melatonin and its doing nothing. It's 1 am and here I am again dizzy and exhausted balling my eyes out. My brain responds to nothing to signal sleep. I've only had one night last month in June where I slept 6 hours, that was over 2 weeks ago. I've had insomnia now for 35 months and it's getting worse. I am now unable to care for my kids, I can barely eat, I force water down, I'm nauseous, headaches, still very anxious and restless, but in pain and having a hard time walking but can't sit still!!! Brain is still in constant overdrive. I think I'm starting to becme delusional. I can't keep going on like this. How can this be withdrawal? I was like this trying to go back on meds, while on the different meds and now off of them. But was never ever like this in my life! Why didn't I respond to something, at least for sleep? I hate to be dramatic but I'm going to end up dying, it sure feel like it, my body is going to shut down eventually from lack of sleep. I want this suffering to end, I just can't hang in there, I've been doing that now for just about 3 years and nothing is improving. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I'm praying for you. Please hang on. I am asking others also to pray for you. 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
AliG Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 We're all in this "mess " together. You seem to have it particularly bad , right now. I'm hoping it will get better. We all feel like we're "dying", in varying stages. I'm praying , things get a little better, soon. Hugs. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 My husband wants to take me to the hospital, he saids I can't go on like this anymore, that there's something medically wrong. He agrees that psych drugs aren't the answer. But I fear that there is a mental health component to this. I can't stop crying, I can't take feeling insane and exhausted at the same time. The way my body feels and how my brain won't shut down is scaring me. I want to pass out but I can't. I don't know what to do, I want to be normal for my kids. I'm scared if I go to the hospital I will be forced into a mental health facility. I want to do the right thing but don't know what that is. I've gotten zero sleep in the past 2 days and a total of 6 hours this week, but I feel like I'm awake even if I nod off for 30 minutes, the insomnia is getting worse. Tremors won't stop and the feeling of electricity running through my body is non stop and make me feel I need to move even though I'm in so much pain. I thought I would be seeing some sort of improvement. The drastic changes that I've tried as far as sleep hygiene, diet haven't made any difference. My kids keep asking when am I going to be normal again. They are watching me detoriate and lose my mind. Has anyone heard of perm ant tardive akathesia??? Please I need an honest answer. I can't keep going on like this, 3 years is long enough and I don't need to hear that I've only been off my last med for almost 14 months. I need some answers and help. Let me clarify I'm not taking anything!! Not a thing! Can the brain and body remain like this permanently? Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
AliG Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I don't know what to say. Don't let "hubby" take you to the "hospital". That is not the answer. You just have to keep going through the "hell". There's no "mental component" , to this. We're all going through it. I'm the same , Not on anything , for a long time. We have to keep going. There's no other choice. Keep pushing through. Most of us here , feel insane & exhausted. . Having said that, I understand how hopeless you feel, at the moment. I just want to say , keep going, that's what I'm trying to do. Wishing you well. Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Oh honey I'm so sorry you are suffering like this. If you go to the hospital they will probably pump you full of meds to treat your "illness" (withdrawal). I believe absolutely everything you're going through is because of withdrawal. You are not mentally ill. This is withdrawal. Yes, it can go on that long. I don't think it will be permanent, it has to start lifting at some point. It's great that you managed to get 6 hours of sleep before, it should happen again at some point. On the other hand, if you feel you can't take it anymore, a sleep aid could hep, but it's risky, it could make you a lot worse because it will mess with your nervous system. I'm sorry I can't make this go away for you - if I could, I would do it immediately. I'm thinking of you, praying and visualizing you in a warm pink bubble where you are healed, happy, safe and protected. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 Trying to sit still as I sob hugging my dog. She hasn't left my side for 3 years. She even follows me into the bathroom. Thank you Ali and blue, I'm at such a loss right now. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Dogs are definitely our best friends. She will never leave your side, I believe animals have healing powers and her presence is good for you. I know things are very hard right now honey, try as best as you can to not give into the despair and panic, try to stay calm and as positive as you can. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
AliG Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I know you've got it bad, S. Keep hugging the dog. Have a sob, and then keep moving on. I get how much you're hurting, but I'm pretty sure you're just , still in withdrawal . There's not much to do , except " go through it". Not very helpful , I know. It's all I have, right now. Hugs. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Amazing loyal dog..big hugs. I ish I could do something xxx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Muddles Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 I'm sorry Sky. This has to get better for you. I wish I could help. I keep asking myself the same question...is this it? My children went away for the weekend - the first time in all of this that someone has actually took them away and it was so much easier. That sounds awful but I didn't have that guilt on top of everything else. I wish we had more help with the children - this would make it so much easier. Thinking of you. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 Thanks everyone for your love and support. So on sat I did nothing, it's was the 4th of July here in the states. My husband took the kids to a picnic and I stayed home. This is the 3rd forth of July I've messed and it kills me.Symptoms lifted some by the evening and I got a few hours of sleep. Yesterday didn't cry but always feeling on the verge of tears and just feeling rotten, again symptoms lifted some in the evening, then again started back up when trying to relax to go to sleep and continued all night. sleep was horrible,mind of course in overdrive, only got 1-2 hours and would jolt awake in a panic and terror, nauseous then start sweating with tingling all over. Up urinating frequentlyI'm so exhausted, the pain all over my body is terrible. Still nauseous with dry heaves. I continue with tremors and internal vibrating. This morning my vision was even shaking. Why is my body and brain in constant overdrive but gets worse during the night when trying to sleep? I feel so detached from everything. My face is numb, my skin is itchy and burns, temperature sensitivity, my eyes are so dry, hair continues to fall out and is really thin, skin is dry and have acne. My periods have stopped, but told recent labs show that now I'm not in menopause. So dizzy, hate the light, sound sensitivity. GI problems are horrible. It's summer and I love being outside doing things, going swimming, going to the beach, cook outs, I haven't been able to enjoy or do the things I love for close to 3 years. I'm a nasty raving lunatic. I'm so done with this crap. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
WinningThrough Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 I'm so sorry SB. I so relate to your symptoms. I'm taking some positives from your post even though you feel beyond dreadful. The fact that tests show you're no longer in menopause is very encouraging. It shows that things are starting to shift. Also, you said symptoms started to lift in the evening and you got some sleep. This is a good change. I hope this happens for you more and more and you start to get more good changes. X The only way out is through. Aug 2013 - Augmentin leading to akathisia Sept-Nov 2013 - Citalopram 20mg, severe reaction, off at 5mg. Valium 4mg, prn Oct 2013 - 5 zopiclone tablets, 7.5mg End Nov 2013-end Feb 2014, Seroquel, top dose 150mg, off at 25mg End Nov 2013-early march 2014, Zoloft 100mg top dose, off at 25mg End Dec-2013-early April 2014, lorazepam 1mg prn April 3rd 2014 zoloft 5mg for a few days. 18/4/14 - zoloft, 1mg. Came off at 0.35 mg,14th June 2014 29 June 2014 - 1mg lorazepam, last ever 29 June 2014 - med free Link to comment
Vonnegutjunky Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Following your story skylar - I am praying for you - ???? *Currently at 8.2-8.5 mg of my 10mg pill of Paxil (they actually weigh 12.5mg) january 2023 I began reducing my med again. I was a 9mg weight for years, I went to 8.9 in January, went to 8.6mg in February, and in March 2023 I went down to 8.5-8.2 mg ( my scale varies, so I stick within that .3 range because of that) *No other supplements or vitamins *Taper schedule in the pdf Blank.pdf https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-5vShtJtwAOGA30OxIP87steLmMdFzD29F0fzAPD564 Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Hi Skylar, thinking of you. Many hugs for you and your loyal puppy. Kiss her nose for me I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 No sleep last night, up all night with tremors, just so restless. Pain all over my body is horrible. Exhausted, I'm just done. Thank you all for your support Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted July 9, 2015 Author Share Posted July 9, 2015 I need to accept the fact that 10 years of celexa and the hurricane of other meds that I swallowed has destroyed my ability to probably never be able to sleep normally ever again. Also that I will now have permanent neurological issues with anxiety and depression that just doesn't want to let up. Never did I have these issues prior to taking any a/d, just when the offending med was stopped. What's sad is that I will never find one doctor that will acknowledge this fact. These doctors will just continue to tell me that I'm depressed or some other label and just keep sending me to the next psychiatrist and trying to pump me full of drugs. I'm approaching 14 months off my last med, lexapro and next month 3 years of hell of my mind and body being in constant overdrive, crying everyday and feeling insane daily. I haven't had a clear window where I felt like me and totally symptom free since May 15 2013. It only lasted one day, haven't seen that clarity since then. So how am I to have hope anymore? I will not live the rest of my days here on this planet suffering like this, with no real "windows" my family can't take it anymore. I'm never symptom free, I have 3 kids that I can't care for or parent properly, that I can't tolerate the stress that comes with my kids needs or take them places or do this with them without freaking out. I cry over every little thing. That's not a normal mother. I was never like this while taking the meds, which makes me think I need them. My independence, life and every thing that made me who I am has been taken from me. I try to believe and pray that I will be healed, but when I read information on mad in America or on beyond meds or even on here the information is so conflicting. It also seems that people who went c/t off their meds not by choice, but by trusting doctors, are the ones who suffer the most and the longest and don't ever really heal. I mean I see Alto the founder of this site saying everyone heals then a post by her on someone's thread that some people can never go off medications. Tell me how that doesn't crush hope in someone, and for others on this site that are suffering. I have so many other medical problems going on that I can't treat which is adding to my suffering. I can't deal anymore with my brain being in overdrive like a TV and a radio station then with the constant mind games of what's wrong with me or intrusive thoughts or crap from the past and feeling and looking sick with the constant brain fog, vision issues and feeling constantly detached from everything and shaking all the time, being in pain all over my body with constant restlessness and a bunch more symptoms. It's to much anymore and distraction doesn't work. Can't take supplements, I can't do much of anything. I really don't know how I can cope any longer, I can't force myself to do the normal everyday things anymore. I want to give peace to my family so that my kids can have some normalcy. I can't live a live of insanity anymore. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I've never heard alto say this..I don't think she would. So sorry..I'm feeling hopeless today too..in another wave..I do have windows but just been dealing with this crap for 8 yrs now in various degrees..of crap (bear in med this is 8 years of off/on drugs.. We need to keep going xxxx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I feel your pain Skylar, we have no other choice but to keep going. I know it's heartbreaking honey. We don't have another choice but to endure this for as long as it takes. It has to ride its course. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
LexAnger Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 You are not alone skyler. I myself is in a big wave of severe and constant needling pain allover me, feeling failing off any minute. My only source of strength is my son who I can't leave alone in this world. There seems no limit this hell we are going through every second regardless how incredibly we try to take care of it. But I have no other option rather than hanging in. You are so strong and I respect your incredible strength. I remember ppl who survived saying that time is the only thing can make the healing occure, being there for so long means you are closer to the end of the tunnel. Stressing out by thinking the terrible feelings only makes you feel worse, try to let it be and doing nothing but wait for it to pass. Sending hugs and love Lex Drug free Sep. 23 2017 2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks. 2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg 2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain 2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; 2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain 2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, 2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on 2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks. 2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR 2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg，8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg， 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg 2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg, Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted July 10, 2015 Author Share Posted July 10, 2015 Zip, zero, no sleep. My mind in hyper drive with the tremors buzzing, tingling all over the tinnitus is horrible. Pain all over my body, burning skin, now my breasts are painful(sorry TMI)my skin burns even worse when trying to take a shower wtf!!!I have to go this morning to see yet again another endocrinologist regarding my ever enlarging thyroid with now multiple nodules and why I'm not having a period for 3 months now with my most recent labs showing normal, so frustrating. My obgyn referred me to a different one and is hoping that a biopsy will be done on my thyroid. I'm probably wasting my time, my thyroid problems have been brushed aside for 8 years along with bizzare hormone issues since I was 22. Not like I can treat any of this and will probably be handed several scripts for mind altering drugs or a referral to another psychiatrist, even when I sit there and tell these doctors I've seen 7 and take out a 2" pile of papers of the drugs ive tried and decline the referral. I hope I can keep my crap together during this appointment. I really do feel I'm in a bad perimenopause despite what my recent labs show. So exhausted, just want to be able to sleep again. Thank you to all the stop by and show support, it means so much, I just don't have the brain to stop by everyone else's. I know your all in this crap deep as well.❤️ Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
AliG Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 I'm wishing the best for you, Skylarblue. You're in deep, but we're all the same. You're not alone. A lot of us have "no sleep'. Mind "zaps", tingling, (head & face, ) and all the other symptoms. This is why you're "here". We all have "the symptoms". We're all trying to get through this. We have to keep going. Take care, Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted July 10, 2015 Author Share Posted July 10, 2015 Just got back from the endocrinologist appointment. What a waste of time. This women spoke over me the entire time, every time she ask me s question and I went to answer she wouldn't let me get a word in edge wise. I got sick of it and said excuse me I would really like my turn to speak and answer your questions before you cut me off and speak over me. She tried to pull the psych med crap on me and I just cut her off and slapped the 2" thick pile of meds that I tried right on the exam table. No thank you, been there done that, did nothing to help me. Of course fibromyalgia and CFS, POF ,perimenopause, its all emotional stress causing my problems was thrown at me, but she couldn't give me any straight forward answers. I laughed and said that's just easy labels to give someone when you don't have a clue what's wrong with them and just give meds to mask a problem. I really didn't care if I came across rude, I'm so sick of doctors and their God like attitudes and their pill pushing ways. My husband took me to the appointment and did speak up, I was shocked. She did do an in house ultrasound of my thyroid, my right side is bigger than the left side, still 3 cysts, and one has gotten slightly bigger since my ultrasound in May. It is up to me if I want to do a biopsy or not, she feels it will come back as nothing. I have to call the office back with my decision. My grandmother and aunts suffered with thyroid symptoms for years until cancer was found in one and Hashis in another and their labs kept coming back normal. I don't know what to do. I went to this doctor because my obgyn told me to, she is concerned about the thyroid enlargement and the growing of the cysts and my hormone issues. Wtf is wrong with doctors? I left there upset and with a referral to an integrative medical facility down at Jefferson university hospital, I can't afford to pay for it even if I wanted to see what could be done for me of anything. I'm tired of doctors expecting me to roll over like a submissive dog, keep my mouth shut, take whatever pills they prescribe and not advocate for myself. No more of it ever. I never in my whole 16 year career as a vet tech treated people or their animals the way I've been treated by the medical community for the past 17 years and even more so the past 3. I really don't know what I should do?? Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Well done Skyler and I'm so glad that your husband also spoke up, v glad to hear that. I think I might be like you the next time a doc or psych says to take a psych pill. **** them 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Frustrated Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Wow I understand being mistreated by the medical community. I am now paying money that I don't have to go speak to a naturopath about what could be going on. My first appointment is over an hour so I am hopeful someone might finally listen to me. Good for you for speaking up for yourself. I haven't been able to be that bold to my doc yet but I am fed up and getting there. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Skylar I believe your problems are caused by withdrawal. Those other issues with the hormones and the thyroid might be contributing, but are not the cause of your suffering. Just my opinion. It's great that you spoke up for yourself. I'm doing the same because I'm tired of being abused by the doctors and the healthcare system. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted July 11, 2015 Author Share Posted July 11, 2015 Got about 2 hours of sleep. Happy 14 months off my last a/d lexapro. That's a bunch of crap! Nothing to show for it, no real windows, just feeling absolutely insane everyday and just suffering. With my body and mind continuing to detoriate and there's nothing I can do about it. Tired of feeling like an alien in my own body, so wish the mind being in hyper drive would stop. It would be nice to stop feeling suisidal Why haven't I gotten any long, clear windows, almost 3 years of hell, this is what makes me feel like this is not w/d anymore. I'm never without both physical and mental symptoms. I would love to know what it's like to be totally free of this for days or weeks, be able to do all the things that I used to then be slammed just to say ok ,yup this is all from w/d. I don't fit that pattern at all. I guess I'm permanently damaged and need to come to terms some how with that. I've lost time, family, friends and soon everything that I worked so hard for. I try so hard everyday to think positive but my mind is so messed up I can't even hear myself think straight. Thanks to all who stop by and show support. I promise if and when my symptoms ever lift and I feel clear I will stop by everyone's threads. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
direstraits Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 so sorry,Skylar I don't understand this either;I'm off 14 mos. and just feel like I'm getting worse-so weak,shaky inside,force myself to eat,eye problems,off balance-God help us went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
AliG Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 I didn't mean to minimize your symptoms. I just wanted you to know , we're in this together. I'm also , 14 months. Still struggling. Sorry , you're appt, was a waste of time. This is why I don't see Doc's any more. I now believe, your health goes up, with the amount of time that you can stay , from them. Stay Strong. Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
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