Skylarblue75: new and really messed up

[Skylarblue75]

I have to do something about the not sleeping, I considering going to a center in the city that specializes in women's health, mood disorders that also includes hormonal issues. It would involve seeing another psychiatrist, but I don't know what to do anymore. More meds, possible ECT?? I don't want to poison myself, but I'm so exhausted and scared. My family and what friends I have left can't take it anymore and can't stand to see me suffer or my kids suffer. My husband wants a divorce, it's all my fault that everything is falling apart because of they way I act. He told my kids you mother is mentally ill, this is what mentally ill people look and act like, you will understand this about your mother when your older.

I know nothing helped me in the past, but I'm desperate and can't think clearly or rationally anymore. I need to be stable and mentally and physically healthy for me kids. My behavior is really affecting my kids especially my 3 year old. I'm tired of trying to deal with this, 3 years of acting insane has gone on long enough, no "windows " only suffering. I'm 16 months off my last med lexapro and nothing has changed.

I know everyone keeps telling me it gets better, when 5 years from now, never? I can't live like this, my brain is in hyperdrive all the time, something is wrong. I cry every single day, to the point of uncontrollable sobbing. I don't know what to do. This is not me at all.

[divalee]

Skylar

I am sorry for you.  I am off 2.4 years now and the last few months have been the worst for me....

 

I feel just as you do -  but we have to have faith - we just have to know that it will get better. 

 

I like you cry every day as well.  I might have an ever so slight window that lasts an hour and that only once in a while...but wave is very bad ....

 

So you are not alone - don't worry, at least we know here that it is indeed withdrawals no matter what these doctors say - 

 

Stay strong...

Love

Lee (f)

[laineyk]

Oh how I feel your pain...but listen to those who know more than us...Peter Breggin is a good sourse

 

I have no idea how I will function once off the lorazepam...because getting off this Zoloft has been really bad

 

We are here for you and whatever you choose to do we should all respect that

[Skylarblue75]

Thank you, not well at all, 3 days of no sleep. Mind in overdrive still, now hearing my husband in my head telling me I'm insane while trying to relax to try a get a any form of sleep.

He told me just now go get ECT and fix this now, he's tired of living like this. I'm done, I have no support and live in hell with a man who could care less if I killed myself, he's told me that numerous times. Who tells someone to go and hang themselves, so everyone's life can be better. Today is 16 months off my last med lexapro and getting worse, no window and waves.

I don't know what to do.

[AliG]

Skylar,

 

I understand how hard it is , with even one of your symptoms. One of the main ones, being " sleep".  I think after a certain amount of time with  no decent sleep, the brain " folds" & " chaos" ensues.   I'm so sorry for your pain, and I hope your symptoms improve.  If a man I was living with, told me that, I would leave them in a " heartbeat".

[LoveandLight]

Can't believe you husband is telling you that..your amazing, Skyler..don't listen to him xx

[LoveandLight]

I remember Rhiannon giving someone advice for insomnia and all the other 'alerting' symptoms. I will try and find the post..but I know how hard it is trying to implement anything when your in this state..

 

Do you wear a sleep mask?..have been forgetting but I'm sure there is a difference to my day today after wearing one last night. Also I think she suggested just using candlelight after 5/6pm or something..

 

 

Hug xx

[Skylarblue75]

Thank you Ali & Love,

I try to wear the sleep mask, but it's uncomfortable and I have purchased a couple different one. I haven't slept in 4 days. If I try the whole candle light thing at night my husband will think I'm even more insane. He said I need to go to the hospital, there's something wrong with me, it's not normal not to be able to sleep, I shouldn't be shakey and jittery with an obvious tremor all the time. And it's really not normal for my mind to be racing all the time nonstop, crying and acting crazy. I still can't nap during the day, I'm so exhausted and I just want to sleep. I've tried baths, stretching, I really try to meditate. My body and mind won't settle down. Tired of feeling exhausted but jacked up on adrenaline.im to the point now I dread going to bed. He said for me to leave and he will take care of the kids and I guess then his family will help. Really, I have to leave in order for him to take care of the kids, for his family to help. How does that make any sense? So my options are hospital or leave my home. I can't take being like this any more, i guess I have to come to terms that I have mental health problems. I tell my husband and family I wasn't like this ever in my life. I know my husband has to work but I can't function and I need help.

[LoveandLight]

You don't have mental health problems, this is not you, it really isn't..it's withdrawal syndrome xxx

[ten0275]

Skylar, hi.

i was reading your thread and feel so absolutely horrible about what you are going through, i wanted to tell you so.

there is in fact something wrong with you. it absolutely isn't "normal" to not be able to sleep and you definitely should not be shaky and jittery with an obvious tremor all the time. your husband is correct in this. where he is incorrect however is in thinking that the drugs that brought his loving wife to her current state of suffering were actually benficial, and/or that further barbaric drugs or treatment will somehow turn it all off and make it go away.

i know you know, it is hard for our loved ones to understand what is happening to us. often when we are on the drugs prior to withdrawal, even if we are existing in some sort of internal hell, outwardly we often display a sense of vigor or at least functionality. we put on masks for our loved ones to maintain stability and happiness. for those around us, they actually equate perceived stability as being a result of the poisons prescribed to us. so it is understandable that when we begin to taper the drugs and begin experiencing the withdrawal symptoms that ensue, those around us would attribute it to the lack of the drug - and doctors love to characterize it, as a reemergence of the disorder no longer under treatment.

the part that is monumentally difficult is when we are not believed. when those around us refuse to entertain the notion that we never had a biochemical imbalance until the drugs we put into our bodies threw us into a state of temporary chaos. i think it is absolutely horrid when we are denied the validation our diagnosis. the validation of our suffering and our burden. because it makes us out to be nothing short of dramatic liars, which we are decidedly not. i would never wish withdrawal on anyone, but i would be quite curious how those around us would fare if they were to carry our physical and emotional loads for even 24 hours. my guess is that many would fall to their knees and view us in a light nothing short of heroic.

all this to say Skylar that your suffering is validated here. and you are honored for your perseverance in the face of it. be strong in the face of those who deny you. eventually, you will in fact prove you are correct when healing comes to you and you emerge from the current state of suffering. whole.

hang in there,

dave

[LoveandLight]

Yes but I would not want anyone I love to go through this more than 24hrs or to not know when it's going to end.

 

Your strong skylar..we all are..it would make it easier if our struggle and our strength was validated xx

[Skylarblue75]

Thank you dave for stopping by and for you kind words. I've read your story from time to time and your strength is just amazing. I don't say anything because I really don't what to say.

 

I really feel I'm being thrown for a bigger loop by having dental surgery 2 weeks ago which had me taking mega doses of amoxicillin and as needed ibuprofen for pain, along with putting down my older dog. The oral surgery couldn't be put off any longer, waited 2 years and paid with getting an infection, didn't want to lose more of my teeth. Plus the additional stress of my two older boys going back to school. Dealing with a toddler all day long.

Put that in a blender with chronic insomnia,all the wonderful other w/d symptoms and a strained marriage it's not going to taste good. Also lack of understanding and no support from family isn't helping.

[LoveandLight]

I wish I lived near you skylar so I could help a bit..

[ten0275]

glad to give you some words and support, Skylar. it made my armpits sweat to write the thing, i got so emotional about it (there is your too-much-info for the day). you have a lot on your plate. i'm not certain how you accomplish what you need to with the weight of withdrawal, but i'd say yours is the strength that is just amazing. hang in there as best you can.

dave

[Skylarblue75]

Awwww thanks love,

Thanks Dave, I was just re-reading what you wrote to me and the words "loving wife " stick out like a thorn. I guess because I haven't been a loving wife and even more since this whole w/d mess. My feelings have changed a lot towards my husband over the years, but I won't get into that and now I don't have normal emotions what so ever. Not getting the support or understanding from my husband is just making this worse. If I wasn't so messed up, had a job and a place to live I would end the marriage myself.

We're both toxic to each other anymore, since the kids came it's been a rapid downwards spiral. I don't have a partner that stands United with me when it comes to matters regarding raising and disciplining our children. He has made no effort in a long time to work on our issues, I can't even get him to go on a date night even before i got sick. Plus his family doesn't help us much with our kids. My family doesn't live near us, my parents live 4 hours away. Anyway I don't know how to survive when there's constant chaos all the time. It just adds fuel to the never ending fire of w/d.

 

I'm also concerned now that I have tardive dysphoria and if that's the case then it doesn't look good for me. Does anyone know about this, does it go away, I'm scared that I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life. So if anyone can tell me anything, please give some hope.

[LoveandLight]

This tardive dysphoria I dunno I think it might be prolonged withdrawal syndrome and then the patient is placed back on med, off withdrawal syndrome returns..vicious circle..but I think will go away once the withdrawal is complete..in that article I don't think withdrawal syndrome was accounted for and was seen as a worsening of the original condition which needed more meds.

[bluebalu86]

I'm very concerned about this too. An article I found: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/mad-in-america/201106/now-antidepressant-induced-chronic-depression-has-name-tardive-dysphoria

[Skylarblue75]

I don't know blue and love.

Still the same, what I wouldn't do for sleep and to not feel exhausted and dizzy. Just to not be anxious. It's a beautiful day and I can't enjoy it, sunlight hurts my eyes and makes me more dizzy and disoriented. Normally I would be out and about, either working, running errands or just enjoying the day. It's been 3 years since I've been able to do anything that I used to do and getting worse.

[Adagiooo]

Skylarblue, I'm so sorry you're suffering like you are. It has been about 3 years for me too since I've been able to enjoy life.

 

Am I correct in assuming you are off all of your meds? It might not me much to hold on to but being med free is a really big deal. I can hear the intense suffering in your posts but I just want to encourage you to hang in there. And don't even entertain the thought of ECT. I know what it's like not to sleep, I feel your pain, but your natural sleep will come back. Hold on. Hold on for yourself and for your family.

 

Oh what I would give to be med free.

 

Sending you peace, sleep, healing and hugs.

[Skylarblue75]

Thanks adagioo, I med free and suffering.

Still hanging on, sleep still horrible, back to bed drenching night sweats. Anxiety, restlessness, exhausted, depression, horrible tinnitus, DP/DR, sensitive to light, sound and smells foods and meds and supplements, jittery/shaking/tremors. No motivation just flat. Panic attacks during the night and day time, hair still thinning, still feel detached and in a constant fog. Moods are horrible. Still can't tolerate exercise And much more, whatever, I was hoping to see some hint of improvement, a window. I'm tired of hanging on praying and hoping for a window that never comes.

[laineyk]

any of you have burning feeling in your head?   this has been new since stopping the Zoloft and has increased in frequency the longer I am off

 

Its 4 months and I seem to be getting SICKER

[melanie]

Hello Skylarblue75,

 

I can very much relate to your suffering, especially the insomnia thing.

 

I know both Lexapro and benzos unfortunately, the harm they do...

 

Just don't give up...

 

Beautiful doggie and kid there in your profile picture

 

Hugs, Mel

[AliG]

Hi Skylar,

 

Thanks so much for your words on my thread ! You must be feeling a little better.  Much appreciated.

 

Your "window " will come, Sky. Just keep "hanging on".  For what it's worth, I still get all those symptoms too.  Just not all at the same time. It's getting better, and it will for you , too.

 

Love,  Ali.

[Skylarblue75]

Thanks to all who have stopped by, I'm still not doing well. Want this to change, but how? I know my home environment is contributing but this stress was here and has gotten worse since stopping meds then going on and off a bunch of meds. All I know is that I've never been this sick and now since reading Naturgirls thread a post from fresh that there is a member on this forum that still has akathisia 9 years out is making me feel even more hopeless. I have that constantly inner restlessness for over 3 years now, my insomnia isn't resolving like I read about so many others. I can't live in constant anxiety and restlessness, it's tourture. I'm 16 months off of lexapro, shouldn't I be seeing some improvements by now?? Why don't I get windows? This isn't making any sense anymore. Obviously there are things that don't ever go away that are permanent. I'm exhausted can't sit still, anxious all the time in pain afraid to leave my house, can't enjoy anything, cry everyday, headaches and nausea every single day and nothing I've done has helped, I'm tried of this I pace around my house doing breathing exercises and stretching all day long while my mind is in constant overdrive and feeling like a zombie. Can't tolerate supplements, I can't even tolerate helping my kids with their homework without it making me feel worse! How can I be a mother to my kids like this??No wonder why I'm constantly questioning my mental health, nothing is changing. I don't want to live like this anymore, no wonder my husband wants a divorce and my family has had it. How much longer can someone go on like this? I'm tired of coming on here and reading of other people's wonderful windows where their almost completely normal. I keep praying and waiting for something that's not happening, not for me but for my kids sake, they deserve a loving, caring, sane mother, who can do things with them. They keep asking why aren't I getting any better, and call me crazy or mentally ill, I'm really thinking they're right.

[AliG]

Skylar,  

 

You say & think you're not strong, but you are.   Like Dave said, your suffering is validated here.  You are honored for your " perseverance".   The insomnia isn't resolving for a lot of us as well. Like I said in my last post, I have a lot of the same symptoms, as you.   How much longer ??    -   Until .......  ??

 

This is withdrawal, Sky.  For sure, for some of us , it's tougher.   I get that it's tougher for you, and I'm so sad about that, and it breaks my heart, that you have to go through this, but there's no other way , except to go through it.  " When you're going through hell, keep going".   

 

I think as usual, Dave is " spot on" when he says -  " I would be quite curious to know how those around us would fare , if they had to carry our  physical & emotional loads for even 24 hours.   My guess is that many would fall to their knees, and view us in a light, nothing short of heroic. ".   I do believe , this is so true, and I think we forget that. We are all so busy -  getting well, that we forget how well we are doing , in the process.   You are healing Skylar, even if it seems to be so slow. I feel your pain. I have it as well.   We will get there.     Love , Ali.

[Skylarblue75]

Thank you Ali, I know you and Dave are right, but my hyperdrive brain tries to convince me otherwise. Well it's a little after 7 pm here on the east coast and I'm trying to sit out in my backyard and watch my 3 year old son play with his toys and hang out with my dog. Just trying to focus on the crickets chirping, the occasional bird making sounds. Trying to look and focus on the sun setting in the distance, enjoy the cool breeze. I'm even going to take off my shoes and doing a little grounding therapy. I know it's probably better to do first thing in the morning but the bright light bother s my eyes and makes my visual distortion worse, oh well. Anything I can do to try to calm myself and relax. Kind of hard when you have a very active 3 year old and 2 other very active boys.

Praying that we all get some sleep and for a better day tomorrow.

[Skylarblue75]

Well what I did last night didn't didnt help me with sleep, zero sleep. Why won't my hyperdrive body and brain just settle down already?? In November will be 4 years c/t from 10 years of celexa. Only 16months off my last a/d lexapro, please God give me a break already. I wish I could tolerate magnesium and fish oil.

[Altostrata]

.... I really do feel I have an underlying endocrine issue that has been swept under the carpet, but right now I wouldn't even think of touching any meds,....

 

Did you ever address this?

 

If I were you, I'd get a full endocrine workup, have them look at thyroid and vitamin D, too. Here's a list of thyroid tests to get http://www.stopthethyroidmadness.com/recommended-labwork/

 

You may be hyperthyroid. That causes If you do not have reasonable, informative conversations with your endocrinologist, you need another doctor.

 

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hyperthyroidism/basics/symptoms/con-20020986

 

Hyperthyroidism (overactive thyroid)

 

Hyperthyroidism can mimic other health problems, which may make it difficult for your doctor to diagnose. It can also cause a wide variety of signs and symptoms, including:

• Sudden weight loss, even when your appetite and the amount and type of food you eat remain the same or even increase
• Rapid heartbeat (tachycardia) — commonly more than 100 beats a minute — irregular heartbeat (arrhythmia) or pounding of your heart (palpitations)
• Increased appetite
• Nervousness, anxiety and irritability
• Tremor — usually a fine trembling in your hands and fingers
• Sweating
• Changes in menstrual patterns
• Increased sensitivity to heat
• Changes in bowel patterns, especially more frequent bowel movements
• An enlarged thyroid gland (goiter), which may appear as a swelling at the base of your neck
• Fatigue, muscle weakness
• Difficulty sleeping
• Skin thinning
• Fine, brittle hair

 

[Altostrata]

Just got back from the endocrinologist appointment. What a waste of time. This women spoke over me the entire time, every time she ask me s question and I went to answer she wouldn't let me get a word in edge wise. I got sick of it and said excuse me I would really like my turn to speak and answer your questions before you cut me off and speak over me. She tried to pull the psych med crap on me and I just cut her off and slapped the 2" thick pile of meds that I tried right on the exam table. No thank you, been there done that, did nothing to help me. Of course fibromyalgia and CFS, POF ,perimenopause, its all emotional stress causing my problems was thrown at me, but she couldn't give me any straight forward answers. I laughed and said that's just easy labels to give someone when you don't have a clue what's wrong with them and just give meds to mask a problem. I really didn't care if I came across rude, I'm so sick of doctors and their God like attitudes and their pill pushing ways. My husband took me to the appointment and did speak up, I was shocked. She did do an in house ultrasound of my thyroid, my right side is bigger than the left side, still 3 cysts, and one has gotten slightly bigger since my ultrasound in May. It is up to me if I want to do a biopsy or not, she feels it will come back as nothing. I have to call the office back with my decision. My grandmother and aunts suffered with thyroid symptoms for years until cancer was found in one and Hashis in another and their labs kept coming back normal. I don't know what to do. I went to this doctor because my obgyn told me to, she is concerned about the thyroid enlargement and the growing of the cysts and my hormone issues. Wtf is wrong with doctors? I left there upset and with a referral to an integrative medical facility down at Jefferson university hospital, I can't afford to pay for it even if I wanted to see what could be done for me of anything. I'm tired of doctors expecting me to roll over like a submissive dog, keep my mouth shut, take whatever pills they prescribe and not advocate for myself. No more of it ever. I never in my whole 16 year career as a vet tech treated people or their animals the way I've been treated by the medical community for the past 17 years and even more so the past 3. I really don't know what I should do??

 

 

Just -I've been to the hospital and no one does anything, I'm told there's things screwed up on my labs. Every time I've gone to the hospital They say follow up with this specialist or it's in my head and send in the psych dr or ship me over to a mental health facility, or send me home and tell me to find another psych dr.

The same goes when I see specialist, there's obvious issues coming up on my tests but I'm treated like I'm crazy. The endo doctor wanted to dismiss me even though my thyroid has enlarged even more since my last ultrasound 6 weeks ago along with one of the cysts that's grown too in that short amount of time.

I feel I'm being treated badly because I'm on Medicare and medicade, not that I want to be and because I have a history of SSRI use. I'm so sick that I had to apply for SSD. Im beginning to think I'm doing this to myself, that I now have developed severe anxiety with hypochondria which is making me severely depressed.

 

Not much sleep 2-3 of broken sleep. Everything is the same, nothing changes. Tired of feeling sick and exhausted and a danger to myself and others, with no control over my thoughts and emotions. Tired of crying and being on edge and nothing I do to calm myself works. I'm turning into a paranoid mess.

 

 

Hi all, still here, still struggling.

I had my thyroid biopsy yesterday, won't know the results until next Friday. Still exhausted but wired, just feel so strange all the time. Been dealing with either a cold or allergies lately. Ears hurt and are popping, chest congestion, body and head feel like lead, hate this feeling of head fog and detachment. Anxiety is still present at all times, it's getting really old, I never had chronic anxiety ,ever, I wish it would stop. No matter what I do it won't

stop. Sleep is still crappy, night sweats are back, but it seems the night sweats wax and wane then get really bad right before my period and during, so defiantly a hormone issue. Still have shakes and body tremors and twitching. Still feel like electricity is flowing through my body. Hair still continues to fall out and thin to the point of clogging the drain but my scalp is oily, eyes are so dry, still have excessive thirst and urination, I drink a gallon of water a day and im still dry mouthed and thirsty. Still have muscle, joint and bone pain. I'm getting random sores in my mouth and different parts of my body. Acne still all over my body, but have been told I don't have PCOS. Still can't tolerate exercise. Mood issues. My memory is shot, I can't remember things from 5 minutes ago. Still sometimes think I'm hearing things, vision problems persist with floaters, blurry vision, focusing and things just look strange, tinnitus is horrible and is constant. BP us up and down, heart races then stops, headaches everyday. Still sensitive to light, sound and odors, still very jumpy with noise at night when trying to relax and sleep. I could go on but I sound like a broken record. I'm tired of this, I wish God would take some mercy on me, on all of us. Just want to be a normal person.

 

Skylar, I've read your entire topic again. This is what occurs to me (in order of importance):

 

1) Your endocrinological and thyroid problems are the main source of your symptoms. Dry eyes, peeling skin, hair loss, lactation, etc. -- they are all related to some hormonal problem. There's obviously something wrong with your thyroid, the scans show nodules. A thyroid that's sick can flip from hypothyroid to hyperthyroid. I believe you may be in a hyperthyroid phase.

 

You've never posted your lab test results, did you ever see them? You must get copies of all your test results.

 

2) While you also have withdrawal syndrome, it is not the main cause of your symptoms. Your post on 16 Nov 2014 - 6:25 PM indicates some withdrawal symptoms were fading.

 

3) Your family situation is not conducive to any kind of healing and is distracting you from taking care of yourself. You still tend to be dependent on your husband for emotional support, but what you get from him is destructive. Stop doing that. If you must share a house with him, think of him as your roommate and child-raising partner. Put your marriage on the back burner for the time being. You need to focus on your own physical health.

 

4) Your therapist adds to your stress. You need support for pursuing treatment of your physical condition. If I were you, I'd either a) discuss this frankly with your therapist; or b ) give up on your therapist and fire him or her.

 

 

I fear we have done you a disservice here, by emphasizing that withdrawal syndrome is the core of your problem and keeping your focus on your problem as psychiatric. You need to stop even thinking of yourself as having a psychiatric problem. You have a hormonal problem. Withdrawal syndrome may contribute to your symptoms, but you need to find treatment for your physical condition.

 

In discussions with doctors, I would not emphasize withdrawal syndrome AT ALL. I would mention it only in passing -- say, clearly, you had a very rough time coming off the psychiatric drugs and you don't want to take them ever again. Do not spend a lot of time talking about your psychiatric conditions or treatment. Do not give any time in conversation to discussion of ECT with anyone. ECT is not going to fix your hormonal problems.

 

I am puzzled that you do not report any edifying conversations at all with endocrinologists, etc. What goes on in those appointments? Does your husband do the talking? Don't take him to your appointments.

 

Here's what I would do: Instead of spending your online time here, join a couple of online support groups for thyroid and autoimmune conditions. (Send a PM to Karma, she'll know what groups to suggest.) Look for autoimmune specialists. Read up on thyroid conditions, Grave's disease, Sjogren's syndrome, low-dose naltrexone, etc.

 

Get copies of all your lab work and study up on what all the labs mean. You will need to participate vigorously in your care. You will need to speak up for yourself.

 

Start seeing autoimmune disease specialists. Most likely, they'll be easier to talk to -- they see lots of people with complex, mysterious conditions.

 

In the support groups, build a support network. You will find people who can help you interpret your test results. You may find someone who lives near you who might be willing to go with you to doctor appointments.

 

As you know, this site is for withdrawal syndrome rather than general medical conditions. I don't know much about your potential hormonal or thyroid issues, I know only a little about thyroid as I have Hashimoto's myself (so far asymptomatic). You'll get much more information about your medical conditions in support groups that specialize in them.

[LoveandLight]

Hope you find answers, dear Skyler xxx

[Skylarblue75]

Alto, let me try and answer some of your questions.

 

1. As far as what goes on during conversations with endocrinologist, I tell them my symptoms, past history of hormone issues, bring all my test and lab results, don't mention anything about psychiatrists or meds until it's brought up, then I tell them I've had a rough time coming off meds and have tried multiple meds for my symptoms with no success. My husband doesn't do all the speaking, he just spoke up when the psychiatric referrals start, that's it. I speak for myself, I keep it straight forward. My labs have been all over the place since 2012. I did have a biopsy of one thyroid nodule in August, all I was told is that I don't have cancer. When I questioned the medical assistant if any other abnormalities showed she wouldn't address it and said she was just told to tell me that it came back negative for cancer and maybe I have a vitamin or mineral deficiencies. I've been trying to get a copy of the results for a month, also to see if the doctor will touch base with me. I keep calling the office and getting the run around. All I know is my hormones are really all over the place, can't get a straight forward answer as to why and I've tried hormones, different medications and have had horrid reactions, which I've never had before, so I guess w/d is playing into this. Then the doctors just throw their hands in the air and want nothing to do with me when I have problems with being sensitive to meds and having reactions and start with this is in my head and etc. then I'm told not to return. For me to list the entire dialogue that happens when I go to appointments would take me a long time to write and I just can't handle it mentally or physically. I've researched extensively about thyroid, hormone disorders and a bunch of different autoimmune disorders, I'm tired of researching, I could write a book. I'm not taken seriously by any doctor I've seen. If you read my entire thread I've talked briefly about what had occurred during doctor appointments. If anyone is interested in getting more details just ask me.

 

2. I know all too well that my living situation and lack of family support is not helping matters at all. I have a social worker that comes to my home and is helping me with setting up with someone to come out to the house to help with the behavior problems with my kids. Family and marriage counseling is needed, I've known this for a very long time.

 

3. I currently do not have a therapist, I'm on a waiting list for a new one due to my insurance. I'm on disability which means I'm on medicare and Medicaid.

 

4. a lot of my symptoms go hand and hand with drug withdrawal and other medical problems so it's really hard to tease out what is what.

 

Alto I appreciate your time and concern but I think we both know the bigger picture here.

I feel your showing me the door, right? because I expressed an opinion on Pugknows thread,an opinion which also has been expressed by others on here recently, just stating that the vibe on this site has changed recently. If you don't want me here because of an honest opinion

then just say the word, Just be honest. But keep in mind my intention of my opinion wasn't to offend or show disrespect to anyone here. You and the mods jobs are very hard. If you and the other mods feel that im a problem causer then just tell me. I fully understand this site isn't for domestic problems or medical problems, but there's topics about how w/d affects all aspects of a persons life and can make underlying medical problems worse and problematic to treat. All I know is I've never been this sick before in my life, bottom line. Just remember when you and the mods were in this horrible place and some still are, didn't you feel alone and scared? Especially if you have not one person in your life that supports or believes you. I'm not trying to be a drama queen, and cause stress to others. I want to be well and come here and post positive things and be supporting to others. I will take your recommendations and see if I get anywhere, but I doubt my family doctor will be supportive in giving me more referrals, will have to see. I have a stigma placed on me now because I took an SSRI for 10 years and have been in mental health hospitals. All I can say is thank you and sorry if I offended you or the mods by my honest opinion.

[LoveandLight]

No Skyler, alto is trying to help. We all want to see you better xxx

[Altostrata]

No, I am not showing you the door because you expressed your opinion.

 

I read your entire topic to see why it is you feel you are not getting adequate support here.

 

I very strongly believe you have serious medical issues that need expert attention as soon as possible. As I said up above, I believe withdrawal syndrome contributes to your problems but the hormonal or autoimmune problem is much more important.

 

Medical assistants who conduct radiology examinations don't know anything. Get printouts of your test results from your doctors. If I were you, I would get all the test results from the last 3 years and put them in a ring binder. I like to organize mine with the most recent results first. You will be taking this binder with you on all your doctor appointments.

 

You need to look at the lab tests. At some point, someone ordered thyroid antibody tests for you. You need to take a good look at them. You need to join thyroid and autoimmune groups to educate yourself, because you're going to have to be much more forward in your discussions with doctors. They will tell you how to find good doctors. Then you will have to find them.

 

When you talk to doctors, if your "mental health" history comes up, look them in the eye and tell them you have a medical problem that needs attention, not a psychiatric problem. (I can assure you, no doctor ever pursues the "mental health" angle with me.)

 

I am sorry you have been spinning your wheels here for more than a year, getting lots of support for withdrawal symptoms but not enough for your other health problems. You can continue to participate here if you wish, but it's not going to resolve your situation.

 

I definitely do not want to see you continue to suffer as you have been doing. That is my best guess at what might help you. If you want to ignore it and believe you're being persecuted, that's up to you.

 

As I've said, I believe you need to put your energy into pursuing medical care. The staff can't help you with that and, since this site is not organized to do that, I cannot in good conscience say you're going to find sufficient guidance here.

[Altostrata]

Also, you might get tested for pheochromocytoma http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/pheochromocytoma/basics/tests-diagnosis/con-20030435, if this hasn't already been ruled out.

 

Since these problems seem to run in your family, you might look into Multiple endocrine neoplasia https://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000398.htm

 

If these have been ruled out, you need to get copies of the test results.

[ten0275]

skylar, hey.

whoa. i can't believe what alto has done here on your thread. she has essentially read through your entire noted history and given you avenues! avenues! and while it may be somewhat intimidating to consider undertaking the research, testing, and other legwork necessary to explore these avenues, how amazing that they are laid out for you here!?! and even if none of it amounts to anything but ruling out other possibilities for your struggles, how much better you will be with a refined scope of the problem in your grasp. i don't think you should take this negatively. at all. the last thing any moderator on this site wants to do is to hurt or hinder. this place is all about getting people to recognize the cause of the problem and look for the most direct path that will allow them to transcend the problem. if something is being missed, then this purpose is thwarted.

you've already done this before. shifted perspective and looked down other avenues. all of us here have. because we've been able to make the shift from listening to everything our medical provider's gave us as clinical fact and accepted that psychiatric drugs have damaged us. i have found in my personal journey through withdrawal that time and time again, i have had to challenge where i am at - so as not to get pigeonholed in a spot that will cause me to stagnate or regress.

i'd basically give my left pinky for someone to do what alto did for you here. i have all sorts of whacked out stuff still happening to me. histamine issues and other intolerances, cyclical dizziness, and other recurrent symptoms. i can say w/ confidence that i could give a whole lot of brass to a doctor and not get them to pay a third the attention that was paid to you here.

please try to accept it as the gift that i think it truly is. if alto didn't want you here, she cut you off. she has implicitely said she is not doing that. what i think she is doing, and i don't want to speak for her, is saying "look skylar, take control of this. here is a road-map that might lead you to a better proximity of healing. know the suffering and find the path to the cessation of the suffering. work to break out of the pattern that exists."

i think because i have been sort of sporadic on the site of late, i've missed a lot of what went down with the issues surrounding "drama." i've got to read up around the site when i have some time to do so. but if ending the drama means not allowing ourselves and those we seek to empower to mire ourselves/themselves in the dregs of perpetual self-stagnation - which ultimately leads to only more suffering - oh, it's a lesson i've taken straight to the forehead by those who helped me in the early days - and it has served me magnificently.

i write this with total warmth and care.

hang in there!

dave

[Skylarblue75]

Alto, I've looked through all my test results from 2013 until August of this year. I can't afford to get my medical records from late 2012. I can only go by what was told to me and what I saw.

 

 

CAT scan of head-negative

 

MRI or brain/pituitary with and without contrast-negative

 

Lyme test-negative I know doctor used just the basic test wasn't the western blot or pcr. I did have 2 positive bands on a pcr in 2008, gp didn't want to treat it.

 

Adrenal tumor-ruled out even though my cortisol levels in my 24 hour urine tests are up and down, my am blood cortisol always comes back high. Had autoimmune profile to see if body attacking adrenals that was negative. Along with low dose suppression test and urine catecholamines and metanephrines.

Prolactin 9.7 range 4.8-23.3

 

Was told I had Cushings disease several times in the past 2 years, then I don't. Again blood cortisol always high, 24 hr urine tests over the part 2 years all over the place. Recent labs from May say no

 

Was told I was in POF or menopause then not several times in the past 3 years. Recent labs from June say normal. Ovarian have been all over the place. Hormone problems since 1998, have been told no PCOS

 

Had RAI uptake and scan-16% lower range of normal, range 15%-35%

 

Thyroid lab work had been all over the place the past 3 years, was told recent labs show euthyroid. Now Have been told I have nontoxic multi modular goiter. Biopsy of largest nodule results from this August negative for cancer.

TSH-1.270 range 0.450-4.500

Free T4 direct-1.06 range 0.82-1.77

Triiodothyronine free serum-2.7 range 2.0-4.4

Have had low normal labs and goiter since late 2007 after I had my second child.

Told there's nothing wrong with my thyroid

 

Had last year a autoimmune cascade all negative

 

BUN/creat ratio-26 high range 8-20 from May 2015

 

Have had low vitD and ferritin levels in summer 2013. Couldn't tolerate taking supplements. And was forcing myself outside to get sunlight every day and still had low d levels. Was told low ferritin was from my heavy irregular periods that I was having every 10 days which went on for over a year straight.

 

Every medication, supplements I've tried in the past 3 years has caused nothing but paradoxical reactions and that was long before I was on any support forum like this one. ongoing issues with food, supplements and medications.

 

Endocrinologist that I saw recently said I could have cfs, fibromyalgia, perimenopause, vitamin and mineral issues, extreme stress causing my symptoms, depression and anxiety that is causing my severe sleep deprivation. Or some sort of mental health problem that hasn't been properly diagnosed yet.

 

So I don't know, I'm not trying to persecute myself, that comment was unnecessary. So either this is severe withdrawal or my endocrine system is really messed up. Or I'm severely mentally ill. I've pursued medical attention, when I show up to appointments with a binder full of medical records and test results I'm given the you have a mental health issue attitude. Never in my life did I go to the doctors with a binder full of medical records. I only went if I had to go for a check up or I was sick. I'm having a boat load of symptoms that could be a lot of different things. I do try very hard to do things to calm my mind and body, it's still in overdrive. I also never said that I didn't get support. All I know is my symptoms aren't getting any better and I'm worn out to the point of exhaustion. I guess you can say I've developed now health anxiety? Just want to be a little normal, over 3 years of this is taking its toll.

 

I want to thank every mod and member on here that has shown me support. I hope sincerely one day that I can pay it forward and give it back. I hope everyone is showing improvements. Any further questions regarding my tests and results feel free to ask.