Skylarblue75 Posted August 15, 2015 Author Share Posted August 15, 2015 Hi all, still here, still struggling. I had my thyroid biopsy yesterday, won't know the results until next Friday. Still exhausted but wired, just feel so strange all the time. Been dealing with either a cold or allergies lately. Ears hurt and are popping, chest congestion, body and head feel like lead, hate this feeling of head fog and detachment. Anxiety is still present at all times, it's getting really old, I never had chronic anxiety ,ever, I wish it would stop. No matter what I do it won't stop. Sleep is still crappy, night sweats are back, but it seems the night sweats wax and wane then get really bad right before my period and during, so defiantly a hormone issue. Still have shakes and body tremors and twitching. Still feel like electricity is flowing through my body. Hair still continues to fall out and thin to the point of clogging the drain but my scalp is oily, eyes are so dry, still have excessive thirst and urination, I drink a gallon of water a day and im still dry mouthed and thirsty. Still have muscle, joint and bone pain. I'm getting random sores in my mouth and different parts of my body. Acne still all over my body, but have been told I don't have PCOS. Still can't tolerate exercise. Mood issues. My memory is shot, I can't remember things from 5 minutes ago. Still sometimes think I'm hearing things, vision problems persist with floaters, blurry vision, focusing and things just look strange, tinnitus is horrible and is constant. BP us up and down, heart races then stops, headaches everyday. Still sensitive to light, sound and odors, still very jumpy with noise at night when trying to relax and sleep. I could go on but I sound like a broken record. I'm tired of this, I wish God would take some mercy on me, on all of us. Just want to be a normal person. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Frustrated Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 I have so many of the same issues as you. Exhaustion and twitching and muscle pain and dry eyes and blood pressure issues and anxiety and heart racing and jumpy and frequent urination and hair loss. I also have developed an extreme difficulty swallowing and cannot eat much anymore. Had an emergency scope and see gastro doc next week. I am so so sorry that you suffer all these things. I know how difficult it is to try to function when you feel your body is failing you. I will continue to pray for all of us and hope that your biopsy results yield some answers that can be treated and will actually help you. I continue to search for answers myself. Much love. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted August 16, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 16, 2015 I'm so sorry you are still struggling with this Skylar, I just read through your thread. I wish there was something I could do to help, or offer some meaningful advice or suggestions. But its obvious you are doing everything you can in such a difficult situation. I don't think I would have the strength to deal with what you are, not with young children, no support and being treated so unkindly by your husband and family. I've felt very angry, reading about your situation, knowing that you are not getting the support you need from your family, it sounds like they are perfectly capable of giving you the practical help you need, to help you recover from this illness, but would rather blame you, or give unwanted advice, which just makes it even worse for you. I agree with what someone else wrote earlier in your thread, do the best you can not to get into arguments, walk away and calm down, this will help to relieve some of the stress. When you are recovered, then you can think about how to improve your life situation for yourself and your children. I can only offer my opinion about this, but I think much of what you are going through is withdrawal, combined with an extremely sensitized nervous system. Perhaps you do have some underlying hormonal and thyroid issues, and having a destabilized NS is most likely exacerbating those problems. Once you have healed from withdrawal, it may be easier to treat any underlying issues. Time, taking care of yourself and reducing stress are things which best promote recovery from withdrawal and for you, because of your situation, its particularly challenging. But just do what you can and then accept that you have limits, even if your family don't understand, we do and know how hard you are trying. Its going to take as long as it takes, but you will get better. I hope the results of your thyroid biopsy provide something helpful, if something shows up, perhaps this might be something that your husband or family would understand and accept as being valid. I relate to a lot of what you have been going through, your symptoms and increasing exhaustion, feelings of guilt and frustration. I've also been going through this a long time, have been drug free over 2 years and don't feel like I'm making a lot of progress. But I don't have the incredible stress and responsibilities you do... and its still hard, so I honestly don't know how you manage, you are incredibly strong and deserve a break and some help. Please keep posting if you find it helpful and do let us know your results. I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 Thank you petunia for stopping by my thread I know your struggling yourself, I do read your thread on occasion but I don't know what to say. This is all too much, I really wish things would calm down so I don't keep questioning my sanity, I'm constantly in my head with what's wrong with me and I have this illness or this mental illness. I was never like this before. So tired of questioning everything that I do or say. I want to be normal, live and love life! I have another obstacle that I have to deal with that can't be put off any longer. I have to have 3 wisdom teeth pulled. I'm scheduled to have them out on August 25th. I can't put this off any longer the teeth are causing infection and I don't want to have to under go more major dental work if I leave them in. I'm not being knocked out, I refuse because I'm afraid I'll have some sort of reaction, so just local. I'm concerned about what I can take for pain, and what antibiotics are not troublesome,since I'm so sensitive to everything. Meds or supplements affect my mood, and symptoms or my stomach and GI tract where I'm vomiting and diarrhea . I'm scared to do this but I have to, my kids will be away at my parents that week, there's no way I can handle them with the amount of pain I'm going to be in. Not like I'm caring or dealing with them well to begin with. Is having this done going to throw me further into the rabbit hole because I don't think I can take much more. I would normally not even think about the pain meds or antibiotics or having a reaction to the anesthetic, would be just nervous, who likes having teeth pulled. Now everything sets me into a tail spin, I hate this, I want normalcy back, I can't do this for 10+ years or never be normal again. I can't talk to anyone about what's been happening to me for the last 3 years without labels and meds being thrown at me. I don't want to live my life trapped in my house a crazed, climbing the walls anxious,crying all the time depressed person that doesn't feel love, joy or pleasure that can't socialize or stand to be around her own kids, family and friends. That has panic attacks if an invitation to something comes in the mail or having to go and do basic's like food shopping. This is why I don't post everyday, because it's the same 24/7 nothing changes!!! And I don't understand why?? I'm 15 months drug free, did I cause permanent brain and nervous system damage because of all the different drugs that I took over a 21 month period. Never in my life have I ever been like this, never prior to touching an a/d, on the celexa I had some emotional flattening and no libido, tired all the time and fat. But I could do things and enjoy it and I loved my kids and cared for them, I worked. Now I'm a totally different person with a totally different personality that's not me at all. Will I ever be me again?? I don't have windows, why? That's why I feel I don't fit what's going on with everyone else on here, all I read about is people's windows and waves, I don't fit that pattern, what's wrong with me? I'm not on anything. That's what makes me feel I'm mentally ill. God what's wrong with me?? Sorry! Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
AliG Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Sky, I think you have to be patient. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's the truth. I know you have been there, already, but you have to keep going. You are very "sensitive' to the drugs & everything else, so you just have to "hang on". Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You will get there, in the end. I know it's so hard, but just push through this, as best you can. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
laineyk Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 sky, just read some of your posts...my heart is right there with you sweetie. Unless you have done this no one can understand the trauma we face daily I am only 3months off and still on a benzo and how you describe the way you feel is absolutely how I feel. I get the light headed off balanced all day too. 15 months off???? Wow...I am a strong believer in God and I keep throwing myself at the feet of Christ begging for mercy that's all I can do. At 15months you are one strong lady. there has to be healing going on...trust in that just wanted to say Hi and give you some support 2006-2012 50mgs zoloftskipped doses every other day for a year and started having anxiety again in March 2012back on at 50mgs Dec 2013started taper from benzos April 2014 per Heather Ashton method (c/o from kpin to diazepam)March 2015 started 1.25mg lorazepamTapered off Zoloft in May off in 4 weeks...5 weeks later crashing AGAIN. Dr wanted to start Gabapentin tried it 7 daysSymptoms :burning eyes, anxiety, pounding heart, dizzy, strange head feeling, internal shaking, Overall UNWELLTaking lorazepam 1.25mg daily Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 Thank you Ali and Lainey Today marks 3 years of this suffering that I've been enduring, no improvement. Even with the suggestions offered here as far as supplements, diet and sleep hygiene it hasn't made any difference. Yes I've made a few mistakes trying to take Flonase for my allergies but nothing else. I don't drink, have neversmoked, never did drugs or have attempted any other drugs to see if it would help what's going on with me for 15 months, I can't even tolerate the supplements suggested, wtf!!None of my "symptoms" have changed, I don't get these windows that everyone here talks about. I've been suffering with what sounds like akathisia for 3 years along with severe anxiety, depression, insomnia, a mind that is in constant overdrive nonstop, crying every single day, with daily SI along with so much more and it is driving me to the point of thinking I'm insane, with multiple mental health issues. It's not normal to act and think like this. And with the results of my thyroid biopsy coming back ok it just makes me think and feel even more crazy. I can't enjoy anything or live a somewhat functional life, every second of the day is nothing but horrific and I'm really tired of trying. Tried of living in constant fight or flight mode, it's killing me. I really thought by now I would be seeing a little light. 3 years of this. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 Almost 4 years off c/t from 10 years use of celexa and 15 months off my last a/d lexapro and I'm still having problems with nausea sometimes with vomiting, sometimes with dry heaving. My stomach is constantly distended, looks like I'm pregnant This is nuts, how much more do I have to take! What more can I take out of my diet. I just want to feel a little better. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 22, 2015 Author Share Posted August 22, 2015 My parents are down to get the kids, ECT is being pushed down my throat and its freaking me out. The past few days I haven't been able to eat much, I'm nauseous and dealing with a lot of mucous and chest congestion. I haven't slept in 2 days, I'm so exhausted and can't drive and my mom exspects me to drive her and the kids some place for lunch. I'm just going to have to cut myself off from more family members, I'm not taken seriously and what I'm going through can be easily fixed with ECT treatments. I being told I need to think about what this is doing to my kids. I don't know what to do anymore, this cause more SI. Something has to start changing and soon Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 Yes..something need to change..your family need to be more supportive..I'm so sorry skylar..hugs xxxxx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
AliG Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 Hi Sky, I agree with Love. Something needs to change all right. Family support !! Sky, You are your own woman. No one can make you do anything that you don't agree with . ( E.C.T). You have to be strong here, or it's going to go "downhill" fast !! Stick to your guns. Your kids are going to be better off with a "strong mum", versus a "basket case" , ( on drugs), in a "psych hospital". !! Please start thinking, rationally, about this. This is your life & your kids. I know your husband isn't helpful, which leaves you , as the "person" for your children. I'm sorry. I don't mean to "preach ". I just get upset, for you. Love, Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Pugknows Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Hi Sky! I don't fit the windows and waves pattern either. You're not alone. I also suffer the same symptoms you do. I just recently started to feel better. You need to believe you will heal 100% in time. You're recovery may be slow or spontaneous, but it will happen either way. Please hold off making big decisions, like undergoing ECT treatments, until you're less frantic and more rational. You are surrounded by opinionated people who are "inconvenienced" by your illness and they are giving you advice that, in my opinion, is self-serving and not in your best interest. One thing at a time. Take care of your teeth. Get your biopsy results. Sit quietly by yourself and write down a game plan to restore your health, issue by issue. I'm praying for you, sweetheart. Love, Pug January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 Thank you for the words of support. But it seems nothing wants to change and God keeps throwing more punches my way. Yesterday I had to put down my older dog, I forced myself to go to the vets with my husband to be there. This would never have been an issue. Now today I'm getting 3 wisdom teeth out. My 3 kids are away and it doesn't help with reducing my symptoms at all. This shaking and tremors all the time has to stop, I can't stand it along with the constant restlessness and anxiety and feeling like I've been drugged. This agoraphobia is getting really old, so sick and tired of not being able to leave the house when I want to or if I do I have to have someone with me all the time. Still not sleeping and if I do it's not for long and wake up in a panic. I just don't get why some of this is not getting any better. If the anxiety and agoraphobia and shaking would just go away it would be great. I'm just in acute symptoms all the time,who's a basket case all the time going on 3 years. So I never got any response from anyone regarding what pain meds and antibiotics would be ok to take since I'm having teeth pulled today, I guess I can't take anything? Just suffer with the pain and pray I don't have a reaction to the local. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 I'm sorry I can't advise you about pain meds and ABs, but I want to ask why did you decide to get all three of the wisdom teeth pulled out at the same time? It seems like a huge trauma to the body. How are you going to eat? I also need to have 2 pulled out, but I dare not do it at the same time. Mine have to be surgically removed though, because they're stuck in the bone II have large teeth and a small jaw, which causes all sorts of dental problems for me). I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 Hi blue, I have to have them all pulled, their causing infection and I have to get them out. I've been trying to manage this on my own for 2 years now, it's getting worse and I don't want to lose more of my teeth. If I could hold off I would, and my kids are away right now, so it's getting done. I don't know how the hell in going to deal with this and it's probably going to make me even more sick. Trying to avoid a lot more dental work in the future. I hope your enjoying your time at the beach. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Skyler so sorry about your dog xxx hugs xx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Pugknows Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Skylar, you need to steer clear of the floroquinolones sp? and stick with taking the "old school" antibiotics. As far as pain meds go, I would take them as needed, as long as they aren't antidepressants. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
laineyk Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 let us know how the extraction went. I can not imagine having to sit in a dentists chair without a benzo to keep me glued there. but alas I will have to learn eventually... 2006-2012 50mgs zoloftskipped doses every other day for a year and started having anxiety again in March 2012back on at 50mgs Dec 2013started taper from benzos April 2014 per Heather Ashton method (c/o from kpin to diazepam)March 2015 started 1.25mg lorazepamTapered off Zoloft in May off in 4 weeks...5 weeks later crashing AGAIN. Dr wanted to start Gabapentin tried it 7 daysSymptoms :burning eyes, anxiety, pounding heart, dizzy, strange head feeling, internal shaking, Overall UNWELLTaking lorazepam 1.25mg daily Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 How did it go Skylar? How are you feeling after the procedure? I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 28, 2015 Author Share Posted August 28, 2015 Hi all sorry I haven't checked in. Im trying to recover and not focus coming on here. Well I made it through the extactions, I did breathing exercises and was still wiggling in the chair. Just had a local and of course the local made my heart race even more and gave me a worse headache. Thank god it only took the oral surgeon 20 minutes to literally pop out all 3 teeth. One tooth was partially impacted. I have 3 big holes in my mouth with some stitches. I'm taking 500 mgs of amoxicillin 3 times a day and ibuprofen for pain, along with a probiotic because of the high dose of amoxicillin.The surgeon prescribed 800mgs of ibuprofen every 6 hours, but I cut the tablets in half and I'm taking a half as needed. Im very sore and my face is swollen on a soft foods diet. It's hard to open my mouth and brush my teeth so I'm using a baby tooth brush to brush my teeth. I have to use a prescription mouth rinse twice a day along with salt water rinse after eating. My symptoms are the same and slightly worse, I don't know if it's from the meds, the trauma from the procedure the food ? I can't stop the antibiotics and I have to take something for pain. I'm exhausted and just want to relax and sleep but with this feeling of anxiety and restlessness with my whole body hurting and shaking all the time makes it hard. Why can't God just cut me a break? I've had enough especially this week between putting down my dog and having the dental work. I'm tried of being constantly physical and mentally ill. Oh I forgot to mention the fibro/ CFS/perimenopause diagnosis is being pushed by the endocrinologist. Is it possible that now I have this from years of SSRI use, because my symptoms aren't getting any better. Hope your all doing well today. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 (((Skyler))) yes, I wish you could get a break. 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 Still here and still the same. I have to go back to see the oral surgeon tomorrow, I'm still in a lot of pain, I'm still barely eating a soft food diet. Still taking ibuprofen for pain as needed and its just not cutting it. The pain is throbbing and is radiating into my chin neck and near my ear. I think I have developed a dry socket or infection even though I've been following post-op care instructions and taking antibiotics. It just seems my mouth isn't healing like it should. I never had such extreme pain like this, even after my 3 c-sections I managed with just ibuprofen and was fine, and I'm usually a fast healer. Now the exact opposite is happening. What's the odds that I know have fibromyalgia now for all the years of celexa use. I can't take this anymore. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 Still the same, I'm so exhausted, in pain. I'm so done with all of this. My legs feel like led, I can barely walk but still feel restless and can't sit still. I'm so sick and tired of being anxious for no reason every single day! Even when I'm totally alone I'm my own house, no kids or husband around, I'm the same. I'm sick of not sleeping, shaking like and twitching like I have Parkinson's. Being a moody, nasty, full of anger and rage, insomniac psycho. That's constantly in a state of DP/DR, only leaves my house when absolutely necessary because everything looks like the twilight zone. Can't enjoy a single thing, when I try to do something that I once enjoyed it makes me feel even more agitated and restless. I can't show anyone on here the deserving support that's needed, my brain has no functioning in regards to love or empathy. I come on here and try to read posts and it freaks me out and I cry even more. I really can't see how all of this can be w/d, I'm not getting any better and I can't live like this, I can't stand have SI everyday with a million symptoms. I'm sorry that I don't show anyone support, there's something wrong with me. I was a caring person once, now all that is left is a crazy,sick, severely anxious and depressed shell that questions every thing and reality. I will be off 16 months soon, I feel like I have nothing in common with anyone on here, no windows and waves just suffering, yeah boo who for poor skylar. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Don't call yourself a psycho! You are not! You are doing the best you can..which is incredible with all your coping with. I cannot visit many threads atm..there will be plenty of time once your healed..it is still withdrawal..16 months quite short in this, I think. I have a feeling that you will turn a corner soon. Hugs xx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
AliG Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Hang on , Sky. We're all behind you . I don't understand, what's going on, but never the less, we support you . Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted September 4, 2015 Author Share Posted September 4, 2015 I want to be at peace Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Me too, Skyler, me too xx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Pugknows Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 Skylar, Unfortunately, 16 months is still early in the withdrawal "game." Fortunately, you are 6 months further along in the process than I am, which means your healing will happen sooner. I know you've had no windows. Me neither. It's discouraging, exhausting, excruciating and downright sh*tty. But the good part about our journey is there's only one direction open to us and that's UP! Skylar, as bleak and hopeless as you view your current condition and situation, it WILL turn around in the next few months. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, you will begin feeling a little better. It will happen, sweetheart. You have no other choice but to wake up each morning like I do, after almost no sleep, and do it all over again. You need to give meaning to your suffering by believing it will end someday and that it served some weird "purpose" that you'll only figure out when it's over. There's no doubt in my mind that your suffering is real. There's also no doubt in my mind that it's temporary. One more day, Skylar. One more day. Love, Pug January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Vonnegutjunky Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 So sorry to read your post I do hope you preservate and you can find moments of contentment - I remember watching funny videos all day long on tv - just because I didn't have to really focus for that long on any of them to be entertained - Also video games on my phone Or I would lay and stare off into space because I just felt so horrible I did down a cup or two of chamomile tea And I would watch asmr videos - I personally love the fabric ones - Both of these helped me relax and sleep ( I did not have insomnia issues ) Praying for peace for you ❤️ *Currently at 8.2-8.5 mg of my 10mg pill of Paxil (they actually weigh 12.5mg) january 2023 I began reducing my med again. I was a 9mg weight for years, I went to 8.9 in January, went to 8.6mg in February, and in March 2023 I went down to 8.5-8.2 mg ( my scale varies, so I stick within that .3 range because of that) *No other supplements or vitamins *Taper schedule in the pdf Blank.pdf https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-5vShtJtwAOGA30OxIP87steLmMdFzD29F0fzAPD564 Link to comment
AliG Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 Sky, I'm so sorry for what you are & have been going through. It's "inhumane" what these drugs do to us ! I agree with Pug. 16 months is still early . I would never have said that at one time, but now I know better . This thing takes time !!! "you have no other choice but to wake up each morning like I do , after almost no sleep , and do it all over again. " (to quote Pug). I agree. I do it too. It's tiring, demoralizing & just plain "exhausting" !! However, once we have been through this "hell", and come out the other side, everything is going to seem " easy", like a "walk in the park". Maybe this is a test. Who knows ! One thing is for sure. We are going to come out of this , as very strong people . We are already !! Hang on, Sky. You have to make a "super" human effort , right now . Once you start to make some progress, it will get easier. It will take time, but you will start to notice small improvements, as the days go by. You have to "acknowledge" these small "baby step" improvements, and celebrate them . Give yourself "credit" for every little thing, because it's a result of your courage & determination. No one else !! I see you as strong, to have gone through what you have. You're still standing !! That's amazing. You're a "survivor", as many of us are. Stay strong & keep pushing forward. You will make it through this . Love to you, Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted September 8, 2015 Author Share Posted September 8, 2015 I can't take this, not sleeping and if I do nod off for a few minutes or half hour, I'm jolted awake in out right terror, crying, doom and gloom. The cycle repeats over and over all night and then keeps up all day. My mind still in overdrive all the time, I'm talking non stop for 3 years now. The sleep crap doesn't sound like anything like others describe. I do everything I can to cope! Nothing's changed in over 3 years, what is wrong, how can I be so bad and nothing goes away. Please I've never had problems like this, I so tired of all of this, so tired of being accused its all an act that there's no help or hope for me. I'm tired of coming on here and seeing others make progress and the anxiety and insomnia is gone and not waking up in terror and doom and gloom. This is all making me feel like it is all me and not drug w/d related. My husband told me he's done, 3 years of this has gone on long enough, this is all in my head and is planing on filing for divorce. I'm going to lose everything, my kids, a place to live, I can't work, I have no money, I have no place to go.Something has to change with me, please for god sake i need a miracle, some sign that his is w/d related or something medical that there's hope for me. I've endured this for two long. Please everyone pray for me, for a miracle, I pray for everyone here. Please i need some sign I'm going to be ok, that this is not mental illness. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
AliG Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 I can't say anymore , Skylar. You don't seem to acknowledge any support. However, you still have it. Stay strong. Love, Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted September 8, 2015 Author Share Posted September 8, 2015 Thank you all for your support! When I'm well I will pay it forward, wether some here believe it or not, I'm in a very bad way and have been for a very long time as I've posted over and over again. It's hard for me to read all the threads of suffering or great improvements when I'm stuck in the same every day. It's not that I'm not open to the support and not trying to be selfish. I have nothing to say except thank you right now, that I pray and think of all on here. If that's not good enough then I don't know what more to say. I'm doing my best to survive each day, and it's not cutting it. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
AliG Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 I'm sorry Skylar, I didn't mean to make you feel bad. It just felt like "bashing your head on a brick wall ". Offering encouragement, but " nothing". I hope things turn around for you, soon. I want the best for you. You will make it through this !! Love Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 So sorry Skyler but your not going to lose your kids..lots of love..will pm you tomorow, may have an idea for you xxx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted September 9, 2015 Author Share Posted September 9, 2015 I want this severe depression and anxiety to stop already. I've been up for 2 days straight, this is really getting out of control. The chronic insomnia is killing me, does normal sleep ever return? Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
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