Moonlitelotus Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 I've been trying to go outside or lay in the sun and have foods that have some vitamin D like my nutrition shakes. I am so in a wave right now. I thought maybe 6 months off I wouldn't be any worse than I was. Now I'm feeling terrified of getting worse. I'm having a hard time with racy thoughts right now too. I didn't sleep well last night because I kept waking up with anxiety. I have not had a wave this bad I don't think or I can't remember the last time it was this bad. I thought maybe I was improving. :/ I feel like my windows weren't real. Like some how the must have been infused by left over medicine in my body and now that it's gone I'm getting worse. I won't be able to believe until I have another window. My head feel crazy right now. God please help me through this. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Pugknows Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Moonlite, I'm sorry you don't feel welcome. Alto has provided this beautiful safe haven for all of us to soothe, encourage and educate each other. She has established and maintains this excellent forum for all of us at her own expense. It makes sense that she gets frustrated when, after all she has provided, members need more of her time and attention than what she's already given us. Please look to the rest of us for comfort and to the symptoms section for reassurance and validation for fears you are having. It's all here on the site. I've read your whole thread and, trust me, the answers to all your questions are here. You are scared and I REALLY get it. We are all frightened out of our minds. Don't worry about getting new symptoms you've never had. You are worrying over the invisible future that hasn't happened yet, and may never happen, which is needlessly throwing you into a deeper pit of despair and suffering. Just try to stay calm. You are welcome here. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 ((Moonlite))) 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Pugknows Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 And, no, I don't think you are going to get worse with additional symptoms thrown in the mix, at this stage of the game. I think you've got your hands full dealing with the ones you've got, as well as the anxiety you need to stay on top of so you don't add fear that will ramp up everything else you feel. You're gonna be okay, Moonlite. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 I appreciate all you had to say, pugknows, about this site and the symptoms. Thank you. I just am scared because I DO have new symptoms and now I'm like oh no I hope I don't get worse symptoms. I'm catastrophizing. I'm trying everything I can to get thru this wave and not freak out. I'm playing brain games, taking Epsom salt baths, doing meditations, watching movies, etc. but it's like right now no matter what I do I can't stop the freak out for very long. I've kind of been hearing that 6-12 months is the worst part of withdrawal. But then I just keep thinking I must have made myself worse if I'm getting new symptoms now. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Pugknows Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 You didn't make yourself worse. You're ramping up and noticing new symptoms because you are letting the anxiety and desperation get the best of you. You are fighting the process, instead of giving in to it. Stop trying to "fix" it. Accept it. Lay in bed. Keep the room dark. Breathe. Pray to God for relief. He will hear you. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
direstraits Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 hi,moonlite sorry your having such a rough time right now-I'mnot doing so hot myself-at 10 mos out-lots of obsessing about the past-playing it over in my head -fear of losing m mind-anxiety it's scary but we have to hang in there & things will get better-I think when Spring gets here we'll feel a lot better,too...I hope! went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 Thank you for the encouragement direstraits! spring has started here in Washington state but I think once it warms up more it will definitely help! I just came to the conclusion that maybe the probiotics I just started a few days ago to heal my tummy from the flu are what is causing this episode. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
direstraits Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 couldbe -we don't know how we''ll react to so many things in WD went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted March 1, 2015 Administrator Share Posted March 1, 2015 Moonlite, I don't believe I can add any more to help you. Do not complain about me or a mod, directly or indirectly, in your thread again. It's a good way to get another warning rather than the kind of attention you seek. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 Yep doing better after stopping probiotics.. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
direstraits Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 good to hear went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus JanCarol Posted March 4, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 4, 2015 Hey Moonlite! See? You don't always need a mod, you don't even need the Top Mod. That she has come here at all is a great service to you (I think she visited my thread only once or twice). She is the busy lady, has to be everywhere, know everything, make lots of decisions. She doesn't have time for hand holding. It's not her role, and we other mods have told her so. This is called PEER support. And see - Pugknows has some great suggestions here. You have received lots of hugs and caring here on your thread. You are not isolated, people are checking in on you! Maybe nothing will help. Maybe you are too restless to sit in a dark room. But keep doing, keep trying different things. Do you have a farmer's market in your area? Do you like to cook? Is there something you'd like to try making? (that goes for craft, too) It's about waiting, distraction, and learning to be self sufficient. It's that "self soothe" thing from DBT. Make a list of things that you can do when you're climbing the walls. If you have a list of 20 things, and you have a strong wave - you can choose something from the list. The list can include something as simple as - take a short walk. Sit, and listen to a piece of music. Watch a TV show. Color a mandala, http://www.mandala-4free.de/ , buy and tend a plant. Look for ways to make new friends - maybe there's a papercraft club, or a quilting club, or a native american craft club - look on Meetup.com, and DARE yourself to try something new - even when you feel badly, especially when you feel badly. Have to go for now, my dinner gets cold - do take care! "Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again. My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices. A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia. CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013. Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine). Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 - Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years on Lithium). Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made. The tedious thread (my intro): JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium The happy thread (my success story): JanCarol - Undiagnosed Off all bipolar drugs My own blog: https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/ I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016! Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Hey there. I'm sorry you feel isolated friend. I will try to come by frequently to check on you. I'm in a hole myself, and too sick to read much, but will read your whole thread when I'm up to it. ???? 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
Lookingforhope55 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 There are lots of nice people here. They can count as friends. Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 I did a 9 month taper off 8mg prozac. I'm at 6 months off. I feel a little better at least having more windows (short and long) and functioning. Is it possible I could still get suddenly worse? I have heard some people get worse after a certain amount of time. I'm just wondering if there are those like my situation who just gradually got better? I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 It's great you are having windows already..from what I've read people don't tend to have windows in the first 6 months.. 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 Having a horrible wave... I think it was brought on by too much epsom salt. I mean this is BAD. How do you go from feeling pretty good and functioning to completely sick and debilitated in a day. It's so disappointing. I don't even know how I will survive this withdrawal. I totally slammed shut my window. my body feel so sensitive right now I don't even feel hopeful that it will open again soon. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted March 11, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 11, 2015 There's no need to blame yourself, its unlikely the epsom salt caused your window to shut. This is just how recovery happens, to most of us. I know how you feel, its crushing disappointment after feeling better for a while, to then be thrown right back into suffering. But you will get through it and another window will open up. You will feel better again and one day you will be recovered and you will feel pretty good most of the time. Maybe try some of the things JanCarol wrote a few posts up, to help get you through this wave. I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 You may be right that this was going to happen anyway. I just think it was the epsom this time because I went to a sensory deprivation float center and they have 800lbs of epsom salt in the water in the tank and that's what helps you float. Of course I was thinking oh I'm doing something good for my nervous system and then literally right after the symptoms started and especially the next day. I feel like my body absorbed too much of the magnesium. So now I'm really just not going to try anything anymore. The sensory deprivation float was really cool and it felt like floating in space. Right after it I felt pretty refreshed but then by the time I got home I was starting to get muscle weakness. Then all day yesterday I had muscle weakness and other symptoms but no muscle weakness today thank goodness. But It has been a VERY rough emotional day. I have been doing meditations and affirmations all day! I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 Been experiencing insomnia last two night now..I'm feeling disparate and want to take half a Benadryl but afraid it will go paradoxal, it hasn't usually before but it's been so long I don't know. I've been trying everything so far. Meditation, was off electronics until now, breathing exercise, chamomile tea... I dunno what to do but going a second night without sleep is going to make me sick. I don't do well at all without sleep. Help! I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 Please I need some advice I'm scared I won't be able to sleep again for a long time. Even my chamomile tea seemed to paradox on me. :,( I feel like this withdrawal is going to kill me if I don't sleep. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Fresh Posted March 11, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 11, 2015 Hi Moonlite , I know it feels that way , but you cannot die from lack of sleep , I promise. When your body and mind are ready to , you'll fall asleep , and not a moment before. Be prepared to not sleep , and try not to focus on it. Then if you do sleep , it's a bonus. You've been doing great Moonlite. Sending blessings , Fresh 1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg 2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months. July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months. Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg. October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive. March 2016 , 21mg Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 My body is vibrating and I'm shivering and I can't sleep. I feel like I'm dying right now seriously. Why is this wave so violent..I thought my nervous system was starting to be more stable. I feel like this is the worst wave I've ever had. I really have tried everything to cope right now and nothing helps really. I can only lay in fetal position. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
direstraits Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 so sorry Moonlite-please hang on-it will pass soon-thoughts & prayers with you went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 It doesn't feel like it's going to pass I can't even sleep. I just need to sleep but my body keeps vibrating when I do and my heart pounds. Seriously I dunno how I'll make it. how long will I be this over sensitive. :,( it's going on for hours and hours. 2 days now I haven't slept. I don't understand why it's so bad. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 It's just crippling. I need help but there is nothing to help. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
direstraits Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 so sorry (((hugs))) went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 Thank you, Are waves suppose to be this horrible after a window? I thought they were suppose to get easier not worse. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus JanCarol Posted March 11, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 11, 2015 Hey Moonlite - a sensory deprivation tank (epsom salts or not) could be triggering, all by itself. Personally, I found them boring, and it wasn't as helpful or "enlightening" as I thought it would be. The more windows you get, the longer they will last, and the more often they will come. The flip side of this is: the deeper your waves will be to finish up the last of "rebuilding your brain" Hang in there. I'm thankful that you have friends and support here on SA, but still encourage you to find some face-to-face contact. I cannot think about my own problems, when I am helping someone else. Whether that's volunteering at the local community theatre, or shoveling poo at the animal shelter, or reading to the oldies (that's what we Aussies call them, affectionately) at the nursing home. Just visiting at a nursing home and holding a hand and listening to their stories can get you out of yourself for a bit, and sometimes, you gain a little wisdom from sharing with another human being. Have you looked at the DBT self help site I sent you? That's also an excellent thing for you to work through, to learn some coping skills. Bless you, you can get through this. "Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again. My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices. A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia. CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013. Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine). Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 - Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years on Lithium). Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made. The tedious thread (my intro): JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium The happy thread (my success story): JanCarol - Undiagnosed Off all bipolar drugs My own blog: https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/ I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016! Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 I have been helping out at my aunts vegan restaurant and spending time with friends. But there is NO WAY I can do anything when I feel this bad. Seriously. I can barely get out of bed the last two days. And I just threw up my breakfast. Yes, I have been trying all kinds of coping skills. But this wave is just too deep I try to listen to Baylissa Frederick accepting the symptoms video quite often. That does seem to help if only for a moment. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 I did have a pretty long window too, Jan. it was like 4 days not perfect but seemed like heaven compared to where I am now. So I guess a bad wave after would make sense. I thought it was that as windows get longer and more clear waves get shorter and less intense? I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 I feel like I took 3 steps forwards but then took 5 steps back.. This is what happens with waves and windows? Just when you think you are improving the rug is ripped out beneath you. Because all the symptoms I have make me feel like I'm back at square one. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 I just need to sleep but my body still won't let me. I keep trying not to freak out and to meditate. It's just scary I can't even sleep a minute and I don't know how I can help myself sleep. It will be night 3 without sleep if I don't sleep tonight and it is making things so much worse not sleeping. I want to take a benadryl but I don't want it to paradox on me. Please help if anyone can. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 I'm afraid of myself. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Pugknows Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Take one magnesium 200mg before bedtime with a little bite of food. It's safe and shouldn't go paradoxical on you. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
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