apace41: tapering Zoloft / sertraline

[bromor]

I did so the nutrition response testing & then followed it up with saliva & urine testing (gross I know!) this was with 2 different doctors. The doc who did the nutrition response testing wanted to put me on adrenal glandulars & I had already had a bad reaction to those. The 2nd doctor did the other testing & it confirmed what I needed. For the record, I did not tell him about the other testing. Anyway, the 2nd doctor listened to me ~ to what I was feeling. I told him about tapering and my cold turkeys. He explained about the cortisol surges ect & told me he could help. It's been 8 months now that I've been working with him & I feel better. My adrenals are healing & so is my CNS. Rarely get those surges & if I do then I apply DARe. I know that when I start my final Zoloft taper that I will be successful!

 

It's been a long road and a lot of money. But worth it. ????

[bromor]

Hey Andy ~ checking in on you. How are you feeling? Sleeping? Hoping no news is good news!

[apace41]

Hey Andy ~ checking in on you. How are you feeling? Sleeping? Hoping no news is good news!

 

Thanks for checking in on me, B. 

 

Mixed bag is all I can say. Very mixed bag. 

 

Positives:

 

• No major insomnia -- better and worse nights (more awakenings or less, better quality sleep or not) but generally sleeping 5-7 hours most nights.  Still waiting on insurance to schedule my new sleep study so I don't know what the CPAP outcome will be.
• Attitude has been okay for the most part and have not been overly depressed
• Anxiety has not been "over the top" fight or flight -- it's there but hasn't been affecting me too much

Negatives:

 

• Dizziness and sense of "false" motion has been bothering me a lot the past week (when this is strong it does trigger added anxiety)
• Still dealing with quite a bit of dp/dr (e.g., went to lunch meeting yesterday with 2 other people and it was a real struggle -- I participated but I had to do it in a very "mindful" way where I acknowledged the dp/dr, acknowledged the anxiety derived from that, but still was able to be part of the conversation (so, some pro and some con in that)
• Still have a lot of body pain, especially in my hips (inner and outer)
• Pretty decent level of brain fog (although I'm getting better and better and working around it)
• Tired of dealing with this crap and just wishing I would feel better

The past week to 10 days have been a challenge.  I've been involved in a brutal project at work that is requiring me to be "on" for about 10-12 hours a day with multiple people and constantly changing landscapes.  Hence the fact that I've been less "present" here at SA.

 

I guess, given all of that, I'm doing decently, but I'd love to have a really nice big wide open window once I'm done with this very busy spell (should be by the end of next week).

 

Hope you are doing well, B.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[AliG]

Hi Andy .

Sorry that you're still struggling. I don't really have any answers for you right now , but I read that YogaGirl has a hip routine  -      Yoga  that is helping her. I don't know if she has posted back but Brass was interested and it sounded good. I love Yoga for the flexibility and mindfulness that it brings in withdrawal . It might be worth checking out .  Just a thought. I have found it so helpful in W/ D . I know you tried Yoga at one point - I'm not sure if you kept up the practice. It seems to be an accumulative effect. I think it's certainly worth a go. It seems to be one of those tools that just always helps. I always figure you " use it or lose it " !  I have found it so helpful for mind and body.

Ali

[apace41]

Thanks for posting here, Ali. 

 

You are right -- yoga would be good.  I did it for a long time and loved it but my hips got worse and my range of motion got so bad I felt like I couldn't really keep up.  Then I did "gentle yoga" which felt like "Yoga for totally broken down people" (which I guess I am) and I was the only person in the class that was under 400 pounds! 

 

I need to figure out a solution.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[AliG]

 LOL .      So - nothing wrong with that .  We do what we have to do !     I'm sure it would still be beneficial .

[bromor]

You're right ~ mixed bag. On a positive note ~ I love that you "DAREd" during your lunch. ????.

 

Pain, high stress & just all around busyness definitely takes a toll on you. Peppermint oil rubbed directly on the painful areas really helps. Definitely a cooling sensation ~ I use it every night before bed on my shoulders & back to help with the muscle pain.

 

Gentle yoga ~ kind of like "people of walmart" yoga? Ha! ???? Agree though with Ali ~ gotta do what's best for you! Hang in there.

[Shep]

Hi, Andy.

 

You mention working 10 - 12 hours a day and also having hip pain. Do you get up from your desk and walk around at least once every 30 minutes or so? I have to do that, even with an 8 hour day because my muscles get really stiff and sore from siting too long. 

 

I like to do a "walking meditation" because it helps with the dp/dr, too. Even if it's just a simple walk around my desk, it still seems to help. 

 

I know you're struggling, but it's still very impressive what all you've been able to do during both your tapers.

 

Sending healing vibes your way. 

[apace41]

Thanks, Shep.

 

I'm usually pretty good about getting up and walking around.  I also go out and take a mid-morning 15 minute walk and usually another one mid-afternoon.  I do a short 10 minute meditation after my morning walk.  It's been a little less consistent during this stretch of long days, but I'm trying to keep up with it.  I might look into combining them in a walking meditation.

 

I appreciate your words of encouragement.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[brassmonkey]

Hi Andy--  I remember periods of work like that.  Real killers!!! You've the tools and mindset to get through them.  It's hard on the jaw from gritting ones teeth, but they don't last for ever. Relish the walks, they really help.

[apace41]

Hi Andy--  I remember periods of work like that.  Real killers!!! You've the tools and mindset to get through them.  It's hard on the jaw from gritting ones teeth, but they don't last for ever. Relish the walks, they really help.

 

Thanks for the reassurance, Tom.  The end point for this matter keeps getting pushed back.  Feels like Groundhog Day.

 

Hope you are well,

 

Andy

[bromor]

Hi Andy. How are you feeling?

[apace41]

Hi Andy. How are you feeling?

 

Thanks for checking in on me as always, B.  I'm doing okay all things considered.  I've been working on a deal at work that has forced 12-13 hour days on me for about 2.5 weeks now, and I'm starting to fray at the edges.  Deal is supposed to finish up this week and I could use a break from it to be honest.  Lots of stress but managing at least decently.  I've had ramped up dizziness at times but the anxiety level (other than the dizziness perhaps being a manifestation of stress) has not been too bad for the most part.  Sleeping has been pretty decent as well -- getting 6+ on most nights with some 7s thrown in there as well.  Still feeling a lot of aches and pains all over and struggling with the familiar "how can this all be withdrawal" refrain.  But, in general, I'm hoping that I'm getting to a point where I can think about restarting my taper in the not too distant future.

 

How are you doing?

 

Best,

 

Andy

 

 

[Flowers]

That is great news Andy!

 

To think you are under so much pressure at work and still getting your sleep which is amazing. I get dizziness too when I am anxious or just tired out so can sympathise. As long as my mood is OK though I can cope.

 

You are heading in the right direction.

[apace41]

Thanks, Flowers. I appreciate the support.

 

I'm always afraid to say anything because the minute I do I get hit with a bad day. From the time I posted I've been feeling kind of crappy. A/D gods have it in for us don't they.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Flowers]

Oh Dear sorry to hear that.

 

Yep these AD Gods need a good talking to!

 

Hope tomorrow is a better day.

[bromor]

I hope that you're making sure to rest even while dealing with such an exhausting schedule.

 

Just DARE those feelings away, my friend. You can do it!

[divalee]

Hello Andy - I am glad you are getting some sleep now.  You have such an exhausting schedule I don't know how you do it.  You are having problems not feeling too great and here I am thinking only about myself....

 

I wish you well and you are in my thoughts and prayers Andy......how could you not be.....

 

Stay well,

Love

Lee

[apace41]

I hope that you're making sure to rest even while dealing with such an exhausting schedule.

 

Just DARE those feelings away, my friend. You can do it!

 

Thanks, B.  I'm struggling with the exhaustion right now.  Need a couple of days to recharge the batteries.

 

Too tired to even DARE these days!

 

Best,

 

Andy

[apace41]

You have such an exhausting schedule I don't know how you do it.  You are having problems not feeling too great and here I am thinking only about myself....

 

Thanks, Lee.  I've been at it on this transaction for almost the last month.  I handled it surprisingly well for 3+ weeks but the last few days I'm coming to the end of my rope.  Struggling into the finish line so to speak.  Hopefully, once I have a chance for some down time I will snap back. 

 

You a sweet person, Lee, and don't think only of yourself.  You've been in a rough place but you had that window which is a beautiful thing.

 

I appreciate your stopping by.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Sertramean]

Hi Andy,

 

Just checking in with you to say i'm glad you're handling the stresses of work well. Pretty impressive to be functioning at what seems like a responsible position. I'm please for you. Have a bit of chill time when it's all done.

 

On a sadder note the footie season started here last weekend. My team lost 4-1 at home to Norwich. I once saw us beat them 7-1 with a couple of goals from the legend that is Alan Shearer. How times change. It's going to be a long season. I'm already looking forward to next summer!!

 

Good luck

[apace41]

On a sadder note the footie season started here last weekend. My team lost 4-1 at home to Norwich. I once saw us beat them 7-1 with a couple of goals from the legend that is Alan Shearer. How times change. It's going to be a long season. I'm already looking forward to next summer!!

 

Thanks, Sert.  Appreciate the kind words.

 

I didn't realize (or I forgot) you were a Blackburn man.  Could be worse -- you could have supported Newcastle last season.  That was truly a horrid exit from the EPL.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[divalee]

I am so sorry Andy I never thought you were having such a difficult time.  I will be checking on you from now on.

 

Love

Lee

xxxx

[bromor]

Hey Andy. Been a few weeks. Hoping your schedule has relented a bit & you're getting more sleep. Keep us updated.

[apace41]

Hey Andy. Been a few weeks. Hoping your schedule has relented a bit & you're getting more sleep. Keep us updated.

 

Thanks for checking in, B.  You are truly a doll.

 

I completed the major project I was working on and took a few days off and vacationed with friends and family at a lake.  Mostly peaceful time with a few of the usual curveballs w/d throws at you from time to time.  For the most part, however, I was feeling pretty good and the lack of stress was a big plus.

 

Sleep has been fairly good of late. Getting at least 6 hours most nights with usually only one awakening to respond to nature's call.  I'm getting the home testing kit on 9/7 to see if I need to go back on the CPAP machine and that will help me determine if the lack of truly restorative sleep is due in part to apnea or totally to w/d.  I'm certain w/d plays some meaningful role in it because even when I was on the machine I didn't feel truly rested.

 

I've seen some improvements in some areas but it's such a slow process it's hard to feel like celebrating.  Then, when you get hit, you go right back down to where you were (or lower) and you doubt recovery was taking place at all.  It really is hard to imagine that all of this comes from taking a drug some doctor and the medical establishment told you was the right thing for you. As the saying goes, "it is what it is."

 

I am hoping that I continue to stabilize and feel good enough to restart my taper soon.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Shep]

I'm just catching up on posts after being offline during the week, and I was thrilled to read your post! 

 

I completed the major project I was working on and took a few days off and vacationed with friends and family at a lake.  Mostly peaceful time with a few of the usual curveballs w/d throws at you from time to time.  For the most part, however, I was feeling pretty good and the lack of stress was a big plus.

 

I'm glad you're doing so well. Considering your benzo withdrawal and now being all the way down to 24 mg sertraline while working overtime and taking care of your family is quite an accomplishment.

 

I hope this "mostly peaceful time" continues and sets the stage for the rest of your taper. 

[divalee]

Andy things are looking up for you - you have had some good days I am happy for you - it has been a long journey - and each day this journey is bringing you closer to complete recovery.

 

Stay well and take good care of you - you are in my prayers.

 

Love

Lee

[bromor]

Hoping the mostly peaceful time is continuing for you.

[AliG]

 Andy . You are healing. Hang on to that .

[apace41]

So, it's been quite a while since my last post on my own thread.  I wish I could say it's been because I've been out "living my life" and things of that sort, but the reality has been that my frustration level has kept me from posting.  In all honesty, I've spent more time away from the board than at any time before because I didn't want to bring negativity here with so many people in need.  Sort of applying the "if you can't say something nice, don't speak" adage that we all learned in our youth.  I decided, however, that I needed an outlet beyond the several I have (those of you that are outlets for me know who you are and I thank you).

 

This is such a ridiculous and frustrating process it is hard to imagine that we are here dealing with this craziness.  Never in my wildest dreams did I contemplate the idea that taking a prescribed medication could lead to this kind of suffering.  It's very much like the movie "Groundhog Day" only on steroids and without the fun parts.

 

After what was essentially a year-long hold at 25mg with the exception of a failed restart of the taper in March/April that led to the insomnia and my decision to continue to hold, I restarted the taper as of October 1 with a 4% cut dropping from 25mg to 24mg.  Some of my symptoms of late may well be due to the cut but there doesn't seem to be a really strong correlation. Or maybe I'm just not really good at listening to my body.

 

And while I complain I am fully cognizant that I am among the "lucky" in this group because I remain largely functional and able to work a demanding job and meet my responsibilities which many here can't.  So I remain grateful for that while at the same time frustrated by the seeming lack of progress and the ups and downs that seem to form little if any pattern. The constant wondering of "is this withdrawal" that continues to play in my mind is tiring.  I want to simply accept that as fact but it seems to be too hard for me to do so notwithstanding the evidence and myriad test results that say I'm "in wonderful shape".  Bottom line is I feel crappy most of the time.  Not horrifically so -- just feel unwell.  Primary symptoms:

 

• Sleep is still not great.  I never feel rested even when I get 6-7 hours.  I have tried recently to reintroduce the CPAP machine (and I'm having a battle royale with my insurance company over getting a proper calibration of the machine), but I'm finding it harder to tolerate than before my awful insomnia battle in the spring.  I don't know if proper CPAP would help the daily sense of not being refreshed after sleep.  My guess is that it is not related to the CPAP and that it is all about the withdrawal but it's one area where I continue to wonder.

• GI issues have arisen in the last month.  Not sure if it is withdrawal or not.  It started in connection with a kidney stone I had (not my first -- great fun) and has led to alternating diarrhea and wicked constipation coming in about a 3-4 day spell.  Completely out of the norm for me as I've always been as regular as a clock.  Saw a gastro who didn't seem to be overly concerned and is taking a wait and see approach which is better than throwing meds at me.  There are tons of stories of GI issues on the site so it may well be that.  Just surprising that it seemingly came up out of the blue at this stage.  I note that I did 30 days of the "Whole 30 Diet" in August and it is possible that I conditioned my system so that it "got used to" only good foods so that reintroducing the other foods is causing me adverse food reactions.

• Heavy-headed, sluggish, brain fog.  This is somewhat variable but most of the time I have some degree of feeling very "off" mentally.  Whatever term you use I don't feel particularly "connected" to my environment.  I find myself in the past couple of days groping more and more for the right word and feeling like my processing time is just slightly increased.  I'm still able to function and do my job, but it does create some fears about the future (probably overreacting, but...)

• Anxiety.  For the most part this has not been too bad. Crops up from time to time but seems better than it was in the spring and early summer.  I do, however, have some health anxiety that comes up from time to time.  Bad family history with my father and have a hard time with fears of cardiovascular "stuff" due to his history.  This is true despite all objective criteria to the contrary.  I am trying to introduce cognitive behavioral therapy (self-help) in an effort to work on this.  Modest success at best.

• DP/DR -- this seems to be better and worse in small waves but never completely gone.  In some ways this is tied for me to the brain fog such that my connection to my environment seems "foggy" and "unreal" at times.  There are days when I take my morning walk around the streets of the city and the people seem like characters in an elaborate play that I'm a part of.  Then there are other days when I have greater clarity about where I am and those surrounding me.  Overall, it has not gotten worse and may have slightly improved.

• Body aches and pains -- I still have a lot of pain in both my hips and groins areas and I continue to wonder whether this is in part or more related to withdrawal.  There are any number of reasons that one could have this symptom so I'm just not sure what to think but I do know there are a lot of people in withdrawal that report this as a symptom.  I do acupuncture and weekly massage to help this physically.  I also continue to get a ton of random shooting pains in various parts of my body, particularly in my left shoulder and arm and in my chest and back.  This, of course, does not work very well for someone with health anxiety related to the heart, hence my continued efforts at working at things.

So, it's been almost 2 years since I started the "too fast" taper of Sertraline (November 2014) and I seem to have more questions at this point than answers.  When I see people like Healy talking about 24-36 months to heal after getting off the drug, I wonder how long will it be until I feel better?  But, it is my belief that we are healing as we taper so that his comments refer to someone who went off c/t because it makes no sense that you don't start to heal until the drug is fully out of your system.  That is contrary to everything I believe and everything that makes sense to me.

 

Therefore, I think (hope?), on some crazy timeline that I've come up with out of whole cloth, that I will be feeling meaningfully better this time next year and hope to be dramatically improved one year thereafter.  That will be 4 years after beginning my Sertraline taper and 6 years after beginning my benzo taper.  6 years in total seems like a number that makes sense to me so I'm sticking to that!

 

Even if there is nothing logical about it.

 

Best to all,

 

Andy

[nz11]

Hi Andy i feel your frustration.

Dont have a lot to say but i hope the restarted taper goes smoothly.

Someone recently commented who has seen Healy that that timeframe ,,,is just a guess. And yes i agree healing occurs during an informed taper one person comes to mind immediately ...the BM.

 

This is such a ridiculous and frustrating process it is hard to imagine that we are here dealing with this craziness.  Never in my wildest dreams did I contemplate the idea that taking a prescribed medication could lead to this kind of suffering.  It's very much like the movie "Groundhog Day" only on steroids and without the fun parts.

I sure can relate to this.

 

Hang in there .

 

nz11

[apace41]

Thanks for the response, NZ.

 

I took the liberty in my powerful moderator capacity to edit your post from "mz" to "nz".  Just because I can. 

 

Yes, I understand that period of time is a guess or, better yet, an average based on the numerous people Healy has seen.  Just ballparking a time frame in which I might feel like a friggin human again.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[nz11]

Thanks i missed that

I took the liberty in my humble member posting capacities  to put above said Andy quote in favourites.

[apace41]

favourites.

 

Where do these reside, NZ?

[nz11]

lol

nz11

oops i see its not called fav its called 'best of'

[AmyK]

apace, it is such a long journey. But it will come to an end, one day you are down to zero. I have done a five year taper...I cant really believe it, but that's the case. I am not done yet, but hopefully soon.

I had many of the symptoms you mention: pain in hips (not anymore), DR (sometimes even now), anxiety (yes, especially after a cut), brain fog (a lot!), insomnia (sometimes, not so much), GI issuse (just after a drop). it is so frustrating and hard. And so unfair! We trusted those doctors....

You are doing great holding down a job. Can you do any exercise? Yoga has been so good for me. It calms me (and the CNS!) down, its also good for the pain, it makes me relaxed and more focused. (I do a very gentle form of yoga.)

 

Just hang in there!

All the best,

Amy