AmyK Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Oh Andy, I feel your frustration. And I totally understand it. I have felt so for years, too. It is sometimes good to just get it out. We are so many that share the same thougts. Believe me though when I say that it will get so much better. A day will come when you are out if this and can enjoy life even more. Many hugs in the meantime! And collect all the good small stuff that happens now and then and try to enjoy them to the fullest. Maybe you wouldnt have noticed them if it wasnt for wd. A kind of mindfulness while waiting. Current dose: 0! Free! Quit June 2017. 2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January 2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose. Link to comment
Flowers Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Sometimes it can be very therapeutic to write feelings down. I am with you on all of them! Never give up - one day we will be writing our own success stories. Flowers xxxx 15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM. MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT. JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month. 28.5 mgs FEB Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs . JUNE 24 mgs . JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to 22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed. 13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize 1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at 50 mgs at night. Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. XANAX Jan 27 - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover. Feb 14 2019 Updosed Xanax by .0625 Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily. Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM 20mg taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm. XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night. LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight. SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm. 7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm. 2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19 .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg x 2. 23.1.20 .23 mg x 2. 20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20 .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2. 18.6.20 .11mg x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2. 2.12.20 .06 mg x 2. 8.1.21 .05 mg x 2. 4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2. 7.4.21 .02 mg x 2. 9.5.21 .01 mg x 2. 21.6.21 .01 mg x 1. 11.8.21 ZERO! Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted January 9, 2017 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 9, 2017 Thanks, Flowers. Can't come soon enough! Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted January 10, 2017 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 10, 2017 Oh Andy, I feel your frustration. And I totally understand it. I have felt so for years, too. It is sometimes good to just get it out. We are so many that share the same thougts. Believe me though when I say that it will get so much better. A day will come when you are out if this and can enjoy life even more. Many hugs in the meantime! And collect all the good small stuff that happens now and then and try to enjoy them to the fullest. Maybe you wouldnt have noticed them if it wasnt for wd. A kind of mindfulness while waiting. I missed your post, Amy! Sorry! Thank you so much for posting here and your words are beautiful and inspiring. I hope you are doing well today and that your final reductions go smoothly. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 Many people do a list of New Year's Resolutions. This year instead I'm doing a list of New Year's withdrawal frustrations and things I "am tired of" and I will share it with this forum: I'm tired of waking up and just generally feeling like I'm "not right" although it's usually in a different way every single day; I'm tired of having pains that come and go throughout my body with seemingly no rhyme or reason; I'm tired of having to mix my liquid sertraline into a water bottle every morning and having to drink it even though I feel like it's poison; I'm tired of going to doctors who tell me I'm in great shape and having friends tell me I look great when on the inside I feel like S**T; I'm tired of having anxiety, especially about my health (see "you are in great shape" above) when there is no good reason; I'm tired of thinking that "you only have ___ years before you are done with this"; I'm tired of putting off the things I want to do in my life until "I'm done with withdrawal"; I'm tired of those days when the thoughts are clear but they somehow seem to get jumbled between my brain and my mouth when they come out less clear than they started; I'm tired of not being able to drink a cup of coffee in the morning; I'm tired of not having a glass of wine at night (or, if I do, paying the price for some indeterminate time); I'm tired of seeing how many people have been damaged by these meds while the pharmaceutical industry continues to pander its wares and make a fortune off of us guinea pigs; and I'm tired of saying to myself "what would your life have been like if you hadn't taken these stupid drugs?" I guess the bottom line is "I'M TIRED!" Thanks for letting me vent. I will say, however, seeing the improvements of some who have been here for quite a while, including AliG, AmyK, Petunia and, most recently, JanCarol (who seems to be self-admittedly preparing for her success story), at least gives me hope. Best, Andy Hi Andy, I read your list. I actually remember how I felt the same, always sick during the whole tapering, almost to vomit always when I had to take this 0,0003 mg of pregabalin each morning, and always after taking it (mostly when it was fresh) I had a new attack of harm OCD and was afraid to come out of the house because I was worried that "I might harm someone on the way. I usually tried to avoid all the neighbours in order to prevent the situation of "possible harming them". I have never harmed anyone though. Now I am laughing, but actually the whole situation was quite sad. I am now happy that I dont take the poison anymore, but I still have some symptoms. But it is really 1000 times better like it was before. I dont want to overexegerrate it, but it was decidedly the worst thing I had in my life. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted January 14, 2017 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 14, 2017 Thanks for your comments, Martina. Been having a rough go of it the past few days. Can't wait to be where you are and I can look back and laugh. Glad you have improved so much. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted February 15, 2017 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 15, 2017 So, it's time for my monthly update. I was holding off in the hopes that things would improve and it could be a positive update, but that is not in the cards at present. Per my last update I returned from my end-of-year Florida vacation that included a very modest amount of alcohol and a 16 hour drive home and found myself in a bit of a wave that included dizziness and dp/dr among other things. I held off on reducing at the beginning of January because I was feeling "off." At the beginning of February, despite still not being where I had been during vacation I did a 5% reduction from 20mg to 19mg. In addition to that, as previously reported I have been seeing a functional medicine doctor who has been working with me on a bunch of issues that have come up in the testing. Due to increased Rheumatoid Factor and extremely painful hips suggestive of potential autoimmunity I started on Low Dose Naltrexone on January 30 in the hopes of improving the pain. Typical dose for my weight would be 4.5mg so I started on .5mg because of fear of sensitivity of my system. I had read through the site and was aware of some people (GiaK notably) having issues with LDN but was also aware of other people (Fresh notably) having success with LDN. Given the pain and hope for improvement I decided to push forward. I took .5 for 14 days during which I felt continued dizziness and dp/dr but it was hard to decide if that was attributable to LDN, the cut, the alcohol or just a wave. I didn't notice any meaningful impact in the pain. Given that I didn't "crash" I titrated the dose up to 1.0 on Feb 10. When I found that the symptoms were slightly exacerbated I decided that I would cut the LDN out in case it was the source of the problem. I took my last dose on Sunday night, Feb 12. Sunday night I didn't have a good night's sleep (power failure caused my CPAP machine to shut off essentially choking me -- nice way to be awoken) and slept without the machine so I can't really count Monday. But Tuesday I still didn't feel any improvement and the dp/dr is at a fairly annoying level. Also dealt with some increasing levels of anxiety during the day yesterday. Things were certainly still manageable if not ideal. Then bedtime came around last night and I had the "return of the insomnia". It was, for all intents and purposes, a zero sleep night. I had that joyous feeling that every time you are about to drift off you get jerked awake by a surge of cortisol. It was a long night and (for those familiar with my story) it caused me to hearken back to the March/April time frame last year when I was hit with horrible insomnia for an extended period. At this point I am thoroughly frustrated and filled with self-blame due to the alcohol and efforts with LDN. I am hoping I don't see another run of insomnia and that it was a one-off situation. I think this comes from my ongoing unwillingness to surrender to the notion that this is all withdrawal. I continue to harbor the "there must be something else wrong with me" line of thinking. Having headed down that rabbit hole and spending a lot of money on functional medicine testing and visits, it is really hard for me to leave it alone, especially when the symptom overlap is pretty dramatic. At this point my plan is to hold where I am an not do a further cut until I see some level of stabilization. I hate not moving forward but I'm also not looking to exacerbate this wave. I have sworn off any alcohol until I'm fully healed. I am going to be diligent about diet (as I have been for the most part) and taking it easy when I need to do so. I am hoping that this will allow me to return to baseline and get back to the regular sleep I had for the past 6-7 months (not great but 6 hours + most nights). Just another reminder to me that my CNS is still very broken and that this process is WAY harder than anyone can realize. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Flowers Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 Hi Andy Don't beat yourself up about trying to find something to help with your hip pain. None of us want to be in pain and I think WD makes any pain seem 100 times worse. When we get a symptom we need to get it checked out - we shouldn't assume it is WD related. You did the right thing - the trouble is not many of us can tolerate so much as an aspirin in WD! I know it's advised we shouldn't drink alcohol in WD but was it really that much that you had? You don't have to answer that question! I am sorry you are not getting your sleep - and I remember on your thread how bad it was last year. I think you will have to try not to think about this when you can't sleep as it will only make you anxious and then everything is worse. I know it's frustrating not moving downwards on dose but quality of life is also important. Things that you think you did to aggravate your CNS might not be the cause. As you know I have been trying to establish what caused my current demise but how can any of us be really sure. It might have been going to happen anyway. The past is gone and we have to get on with the future. So you will be joining me in a long hold - I really hope you get stability soon. Best Wishes Flowers xxx 15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM. MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT. JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month. 28.5 mgs FEB Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs . JUNE 24 mgs . JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to 22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed. 13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize 1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at 50 mgs at night. Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. XANAX Jan 27 - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover. Feb 14 2019 Updosed Xanax by .0625 Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily. Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM 20mg taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm. XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night. LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight. SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm. 7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm. 2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19 .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg x 2. 23.1.20 .23 mg x 2. 20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20 .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2. 18.6.20 .11mg x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2. 2.12.20 .06 mg x 2. 8.1.21 .05 mg x 2. 4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2. 7.4.21 .02 mg x 2. 9.5.21 .01 mg x 2. 21.6.21 .01 mg x 1. 11.8.21 ZERO! Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted February 15, 2017 Moderator Share Posted February 15, 2017 Hey Andy-- I've been having bad hip pain for years and thought it was arthritis, my Dr. did some flexion tests and it turned out to be muscular. Over the years I have developed some bad walking habits due to my work situation, and that was causing the pain. Might be something to look into. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted February 16, 2017 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 16, 2017 Thanks for your thoughts, Flowers. It's not like I had a case of beer or something. A glass of wine or beer at sunset most nights and a little more at dinner once or twice and on New Year's Eve. Given my benzo history and the fact my CNS is very weak, it may well have been enough to set me off. But who really knows? I really appreciate your support and hope you feel better soon. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted February 16, 2017 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 16, 2017 Thanks for that thought, Tom. It's hard to know what the pain source is. There is very little correlation on imaging as you know. I will check that out as well. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Shep Posted February 16, 2017 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 16, 2017 Hi, Andy. If the hip issue does turn out to be muscular, you may find pain relief with certain restorative yoga poses. About 15 years ago, I was injured and I ended up seeing a sports medicine doctor. I was diagnosed with tendonitis, although at the time I was taken quickly off a tricyclic AD (also used as a muscle relaxer) and placed on Wellbutrin. I have a feeling my pain was withdrawal. But the doctor was really good and instead of adding more drugs on top of the 4 psych drugs I was already on, he told me about a restorative yoga class and suggested going, so I did. I'm still stretching twice a day using those same poses, and I haven't had a lot of pain during this withdrawal, nothing compared to the pain I had 15 years ago. There are restorative yoga poses that can help with hip pain. They're called "hip openers". Not only do they help with physical pain, you are also releasing emotional pain, since this area is the second chakra, which is connected to the emotions and to the unconscious. So it's good for the emotional pain of withdrawal, too. That visit to a sports medicine doctor many years ago - even with a misdiagnosis - turned out to be a game changer even today. Sorry for the long yoga commercial, but I hope it's helpful information. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted February 16, 2017 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 16, 2017 Thanks, Shep. I always appreciate your input and a yoga-mercial is fine by me. I did a lot of yoga for a while and more recently did some restorative. I backed off when I became more limited (and frustrated). I really do need to go back to it. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
AmyK Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Andy, about the recent troubles. Yoy are only human! Look at my first post in my thread about alcohol. I felt so much shame. I knew I wouldn't have been drinking. But I did it anyway. It resolved itself after some weeks. Hugs! Current dose: 0! Free! Quit June 2017. 2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January 2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted February 16, 2017 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 16, 2017 Thanks, Amy. You are always so sweet. It's been a struggle of late but I agree that compounding it with self-loathing doesn't help very much! Hope you are doing well. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
bromor Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 Hey Andy. Just wanted to check in on you. I'm so sorry to hear you're still struggling so much. Have you ever read any of Trudy Scott's food/anxiety stuff? Very interesting stuff. Also, I am just a firm believer in how much our thoughts impact withdrawal symptoms. Please don't think I'm preaching to you.... (because if I'm preaching at anyone, it's myself!). I've been reading (out loud) biblical affirmations every day. And repeating them when the darn negative thoughts come & endless thinking about the physical sensations... I'm not saying it's a miracle, but it does help me to get my thoughts off of myself and engaged (oh, that's another DARE principle!!). anyway, hope that you are feeling better soon. Keep up the good fight! On Zoloft for 10 years (50 mg) for GAD & panic attacks Weaned off fall of 2013, terrible set back in Feb '14 back on 100 mg & trazadone to sleep. Did CT off of Zoloft in May 2014 - bad decision! Back on 50 mg Zoloft & Xanax as needed (was upped to 75 mg by doctor in Feb 2015) Started to wean off of Zoloft in April 2015 ~ totally off Zoloft in Oct 2015 and now am on Buspar 11.25 mg to help. I was on a 50 mg pill & 25 mg pill - I cut the 25 mg pill in half (12.5) and took that with the 50 for 6 weeks - 1st week June 2015 50 mg for another 6 weeks. 25 mg in half and the 50 mg in half (37.5), 25 mg mid Sept for about 2 weeks.,1/2 of the 25 mg last week of Sept/1st week of Oct then off. Update** 9 mg Zoloft reinstated early Nov 15, along with 1.5 mg Buspar daily. On .50 of Buspar & 9 mg of Zoloft. Oct '16 - off of Buspar, Nov '16 - down to 7.5 mg Zoloft. March'17 - 4 mg Zoloft. July'17 - 2 mg, Sept 1 mg. Oct'17 - off! Done! I also take magnesium, L theanine, Gaba Calm, L Glutamine, Vit B complex(for methyl issues), Liver & Gall bladder support, Zinc, Whole Food Vit C & Fish Oil. DARE & the bible are the tools I use to help navigate this process. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted March 9, 2017 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 9, 2017 Just wanted to check in on you. I'm so sorry to hear you're still struggling so much. Thanks for checking in, B. You are a good soul. It has been a struggle since I returned from my end-of-year vacation in Florida. I defied the A/D gods and had a little fun -- shame on me! The general consensus is that my foray into alcohol during that time has created this wave. It's hard to know for sure but it would be nice if it would lift soon. Have you ever read any of Trudy Scott's food/anxiety stuff? Very interesting stuff. Trudy the "food mood expert"? LOL. She is very good and does understand that this isn't easy. She is very big on amino acid therapy and that can be touch and go for our members -- some will do okay and others will have problems -- so I don't recommend that aspect, but the eating aspects are certainly great. Plus her South African accent is always delightful. Also, I am just a firm believer in how much our thoughts impact withdrawal symptoms. Please don't think I'm preaching to you.... (because if I'm preaching at anyone, it's myself!). I've been reading (out loud) biblical affirmations every day. And repeating them when the darn negative thoughts come & endless thinking about the physical sensations I think there is a lot to that. I am not very good at maintaining the positive frame of mind when things get rough. I get down very readily and find it hard to build myself back up. I admire your resilience. I have an appointment next week with a psychologist who specializes in mind-body work and cognitive therapies as I'm hoping a little outside encouragement in that regard might be useful. Thanks for always keeping an eye out for me, B. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
AliG Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 A. Stop beating yourself up . It's been a struggle of late but I agree that compounding it with self-loathing doesn't help very much! We all tend to go through this kind of stuff from time to time. It doesn't help and has been a struggle of late for you but I agree that compounding it with doubt doesn't help. Please ease up on yourself. Love Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted March 9, 2017 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 9, 2017 Thanks, Ali. Some words of wisdom from down under. I happen to be EXTREMELY GOOD at self-loathing and we all gravitate towards what we do best! On advice of the Aussie voted "most popular on the board" I will do my level best. Love back at you, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
bromor Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 Andy - just try telling yourself OUT LOUD every day... "I love myself. My body was created to heal. I can do this. I can choose good thoughts." Who cares if you feel weird or funny doing talking to yourself out loud. Just do it. Believe it. I believe in you, Andy. I know you are a strong person and you will heal from this!! On Zoloft for 10 years (50 mg) for GAD & panic attacks Weaned off fall of 2013, terrible set back in Feb '14 back on 100 mg & trazadone to sleep. Did CT off of Zoloft in May 2014 - bad decision! Back on 50 mg Zoloft & Xanax as needed (was upped to 75 mg by doctor in Feb 2015) Started to wean off of Zoloft in April 2015 ~ totally off Zoloft in Oct 2015 and now am on Buspar 11.25 mg to help. I was on a 50 mg pill & 25 mg pill - I cut the 25 mg pill in half (12.5) and took that with the 50 for 6 weeks - 1st week June 2015 50 mg for another 6 weeks. 25 mg in half and the 50 mg in half (37.5), 25 mg mid Sept for about 2 weeks.,1/2 of the 25 mg last week of Sept/1st week of Oct then off. Update** 9 mg Zoloft reinstated early Nov 15, along with 1.5 mg Buspar daily. On .50 of Buspar & 9 mg of Zoloft. Oct '16 - off of Buspar, Nov '16 - down to 7.5 mg Zoloft. March'17 - 4 mg Zoloft. July'17 - 2 mg, Sept 1 mg. Oct'17 - off! Done! I also take magnesium, L theanine, Gaba Calm, L Glutamine, Vit B complex(for methyl issues), Liver & Gall bladder support, Zinc, Whole Food Vit C & Fish Oil. DARE & the bible are the tools I use to help navigate this process. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted March 9, 2017 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 9, 2017 Andy - just try telling yourself OUT LOUD every day... "I love myself. My body was created to heal. I can do this. I can choose good thoughts." With my luck, B, someone will hear me and the next thing you know, I'll be on a neuroleptic and a ward of the State! Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Shep Posted March 9, 2017 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 9, 2017 I think there is a lot to that. I am not very good at maintaining the positive frame of mind when things get rough. I get down very readily and find it hard to build myself back up. I admire your resilience. I have an appointment next week with a psychologist who specializes in mind-body work and cognitive therapies as I'm hoping a little outside encouragement in that regard might be useful. Hi, Andy. Is "mind-body work and cognitive therapies" like mindfulness or is this something different? Outside encouragement is good. You're very good at giving all of us great encouragement (you recently left a very helpful post on my thread when I was feeling down), so I agree with Bromer and Ali on being kind to yourself and choosing good thoughts to say to yourself. I defied the A/D gods and had a little fun -- shame on me! The general consensus is that my foray into alcohol during that time has created this wave. It's hard to know for sure but it would be nice if it would lift soon. We all make mistakes along the way, but from what I've read about your journey, you're doing far more right than wrong. It's the bumps in the road that sometimes help us keep a better course in the long run. I think sometimes that the small bumps can be like an alarm going off warning us of greater danger. But if we learn, if we consider our symptoms as "teachers", we can protect ourselves from even worse danger or problems. So our mistakes become our guides. No need to feel bad about them. You know now that your nervous system is more frazzled than you had thought and that's powerful information to have. I think that realization (especially if it's sudden) that we're as sick as we are can take quite an emotional toll. We feel the weight of our own mortality. We want to power through as we used to, and by doing so, prove we're okay. Perhaps there's a bit of that going on in your narrative, too. But you are okay, even though you're sick. And you'll be okay at the end of the withdrawal journey, actually, quite a bit more than okay. Sending healing vibes your way. I hope your wave ends soon. Link to comment
Mentor Happy2Heal Posted March 9, 2017 Mentor Share Posted March 9, 2017 Shep wrote: "You're very good at giving all of us great encouragement (you recently left a very helpful post on my thread when I was feeling down), so I agree with Bromer and Ali on being kind to yourself and choosing good thoughts to say to yourself." you've been esp helpful to me lately, as well. I hope that you can treat yourself at least as well as you treat others!! I was just reading about this, in fact, for ppl who have a hard time being kind to themselves, first- imagine how you'd treat a friend or loved one, and then turn that same kind of care, compassion and concern around towards yourself. the more you do it, the better you'll get at it, too ;-) PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME PRIVATE MESSAGES, thank you. pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until Sept, then acute WD hit!! reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106 Tapered off to zero by Oct. 2017 Doing very well. Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content PRESENT DAYS: Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted March 9, 2017 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 9, 2017 Hi, Andy. Is "mind-body work and cognitive therapies" like mindfulness or is this something different? Hi, Shep. Thanks as always for stopping by and shedding some light. I haven't met with her yet, but I believe we are talking about a series of different things that all fall into the general category of "mindfulness". I think this would include modalities like EFT, guided meditation, MBSR and the like. I will know more after next Thursday. I think just having someone who understands and is encouraging in this space will be helpful. She has worked in conjunction with my functional doc to help others in their efforts to get off the meds so she has some background and understands tapering concepts (from what little we discussed in an initial phone consult). If she's good I will recommend her for the site. You know now that your nervous system is more frazzled than you had thought and that's powerful information to have. I think that realization (especially if it's sudden) that we're as sick as we are can take quite an emotional toll. We feel the weight of our own mortality. We want to power through as we used to, and by doing so, prove we're okay. Perhaps there's a bit of that going on in your narrative, too. But you are okay, even though you're sick. And you'll be okay at the end of the withdrawal journey, actually, quite a bit more than okay. This is something I need to read over and over. I have an incredibly hard time believing that I am as unwell as I am from all of this. The weight of our own mortality says it for me in spades. Lately, I have found that I obsess a lot over the way I feel and health issues as I've said before on this thread. I believe this is in large part because I can't believe that this is all caused by the drugs. I need to work on my acceptance and surrender -- not things I do easily. In the truest of "Men are from Mars" sense, I'm a "fixer" and not being able to fix things is really, really hard for me. It's the bumps in the road that sometimes help us keep a better course in the long run. I think sometimes that the small bumps can be like an alarm going off warning us of greater danger. This is great wisdom. The past several months have felt like I've been on an Olympic-level mogul course. I'd like to move back to the bunny slope! Of course, you've been riding some tough terrain yourself for a long time -- I so admire your efforts. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted March 9, 2017 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 9, 2017 you've been esp helpful to me lately, as well. I hope that you can treat yourself at least as well as you treat others!! I was just reading about this, in fact, for ppl who have a hard time being kind to themselves, first- imagine how you'd treat a friend or loved one, and then turn that same kind of care, compassion and concern around towards yourself. the more you do it, the better you'll get at it, too ;-) Thanks for your visit, Catnapt. I'm glad I've been of help to you. Your words are very thoughtful and I appreciate your sharing them. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
AmyK Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 How are you, Andy? You havent updated for a while. Sending lots of healing thoughts. Hugs! Current dose: 0! Free! Quit June 2017. 2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January 2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted May 1, 2017 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 1, 2017 How are you, Andy? You havent updated for a while. Sending lots of healing thoughts. Hugs! Thanks so much for thinking of me, Amy! Very sweet of you. I always hesitate to update when I don't have much good to say. That's probably not the best approach as I know that getting the frustration out on paper (computer) is cathartic. Perhaps the reinforcement of the negative keeps me from posting when I'm down. To be brutally honest, I feel like I'm simply surviving on a day-to-day basis to get time to pass until I (hopefully) start to see some improvement. Having read Aeroman's success thread religiously (like the rest of the SA contingent), I know that is his best advice. So, life is a little like the guy in prison who is scratching off the days on the wall of his cell. My mood is low most of the time. Nothing really excites me. I get angry a fair amount but it's not like the things I'm angry about would make me feel good if they went the other way (if that makes sense). I have a very short fuse most of the time. From a symptoms standpoint, I have all of the old ones that have been my nemesis: dp/dr and the general sense that I'm just floating through life in a dreamlike state anxiety that comes up out of nowhere dizziness -- just that general sense of being "off" from a balance standpoint health anxiety that continues to plague me from time to time body pain that seems to "travel" from place to place covering my head, chest, arms, legs, hips and knees I seem to have added some additional symptoms: numbness and tingling, especially in my hands and feet pain in my jaw and teeth periodic stomach distress (gas, constipation, etc.) Periods of crushing fatigue My sleep remains somewhat disordered, however, I am not having (other than every so often) the "all nighters" where I can't sleep at all. I am getting around 5.5 to 6 hours a night but I never feel refreshed. Once I wake up it is hard for me (if not impossible) to go back to sleep. I have added glycine as of 2 nights ago to see if that helps. I just had my annual physical and everything was generally fine. I now go to a functional medicine doctor so I have various data points that are a little bit out of whack, but none of these points to major illness. What the testing shows without any doubt is that my autonomic nervous system is very badly broken. My sympathetic system dominance is to the point where my parasympathetic system is barely functioning. Mental stress measurements are "off the charts." All of this is tied closely to a very increased inflammatory load in my system. So, my best guess is that this a almost entirely the result of the withdrawal process (between the benzo and now the SSRI I've been in withdrawal of some kind for 4+ years with no clear end in sight). Because my system has been rendered so sensitive to all of the supplements I try, it is hard to follow any of the doctors advice as to how to improve things (other than wait for improvement in withdrawal). By way of example: Testing shows methylation issues but adding B vitamins causes anxiety Testing shows I would benefit from the addition of N-Acetyl Cystine but when I added it I had increased anxiety Doctor tried me out on LDN for the pain but that seemed to exacerbate the dp/dr It is very hard to see the way out but I know that it exists. The problem is that there is nothing I can do to improve my position in the short term. Really, other than the non-drug coping mechanisms and time (plus fish oil and magnesium) there is very little we can do to make this process go faster or be less painful. Because I am wired as a "fixer" that is extremely difficult for me to deal with. The only good news is that my health anxiety coupled with the ongoing chest pain led me to my cardiologist for a workup. He decided to do a stress echocardiogram. My test could not have been any better indicating the heart is functioning at top level. Now if I could get the other health fears to subside we'd be on to something! The other difficulty for me is that my outlet in the past has always been exercise and sports. If something was bothering me I would go out and run or lift or play soccer or... With all the pain I have in my body and the limitations of my hips and knees, I am extremely limited in what I can do. I try to get to the gym a couple of days a week, but it's mostly stretching and a little cardio and a little lifting. Not very satisfying. So, long story short I am continuing to work my regular work schedule and I come home each day and basically spend my time on the computer and watching TV. Then I have a less than satisfactory night of sleep and I get up and do it all over again. Weekends are pretty much the same without work (more sports on TV) except that I struggle through a list of chores from my wife (who doesn't "get" withdrawal so I don't discuss it). If it were not for the hope I have and the stories of others who have healed, this would be impossible. As it is it is very, very difficult. Sorry not to be more uplifting but it's been a very challenging first 4 months of the year. Best to all, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Flowers Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 Dear Andy So sorry that things have not improved for you. Believe me when I say I can identify with everything you are going through with very similar symptoms. It is soul destroying when there is no enthusiasm or motivation for life and we cannot enjoy the activities that helped us get through this long hard journey. I have now got used to not making plans for anything or with anyone as never know how I will feel and have had to let so many people down in the past. Just taking each day as it comes is all we can do and hope along the way we will get some reasonable if not good ones! I try to count my blessings for the good things I still have but it is hard somedays. I am routing for you and hope that things get a bit more bearable as the year progresses. Please do let us know how you are doing. Take care. Flowers xxx 15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM. MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT. JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month. 28.5 mgs FEB Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs . JUNE 24 mgs . JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to 22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed. 13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize 1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at 50 mgs at night. Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. XANAX Jan 27 - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover. Feb 14 2019 Updosed Xanax by .0625 Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily. Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM 20mg taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm. XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night. LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight. SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm. 7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm. 2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19 .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg x 2. 23.1.20 .23 mg x 2. 20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20 .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2. 18.6.20 .11mg x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2. 2.12.20 .06 mg x 2. 8.1.21 .05 mg x 2. 4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2. 7.4.21 .02 mg x 2. 9.5.21 .01 mg x 2. 21.6.21 .01 mg x 1. 11.8.21 ZERO! Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted May 1, 2017 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 1, 2017 Thanks for your kind wishes, Flowers. Right back at you. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Moderator Frogie Posted May 1, 2017 Moderator Share Posted May 1, 2017 Andy: I am so sorry you are going through all of this, then here I am complaining to you about nausea and tears. I really do hope you get a HUGE window. No one deserves it more than you. Keep your chin up. We are all going to make it. Like you said it is the hardest thing we will ever do. And I still have Xanax to go off of. Then look back and say, "We did it"! Take care, Frogie xx PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist. Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form) ---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil. Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper. 19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020) I am not a medical professional. The suggestions I make are based on personal experience. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted May 1, 2017 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 1, 2017 Thanks for your kind words, Frogie. We will get there -- no matter how long the road seems now. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus bubble Posted May 1, 2017 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 1, 2017 I can resonate to everything you write. This is all taking so long and battle fatigue is unavoidable. And having this double whammy of a benzo and an AD takes the whole horror to the next level. But I believe in the same way as you that one day we will stop crossing days off and just get lost in life. We all feel this is a useless and wasted time, just making it pass. But as Shep often says we are growing and building muscles that will enable us to experience life in a different way. I can really feel it myself when I'm in a window. I also drag myself from work to collapse on the couch in front of the TV, sometimes I can't even make it to work. But as you told me, we are healing. I went through WD so many times just thinking my 'illness' was getting worse. Now we know what's happening and that people recover. I also don't post much about all my nasty symptoms. I guess it's part of my distraction survival strategy. But I find comfort in reading descriptions of others. It gives me comfort and reassurance over and over again. I have nothing smart to say actually except to thank you that you share your journey with us. It will get better. We just have to be stubborn and endure. Enjoy your sport TV and don't feel guilty about it. It's what you need at this time. (That's what I tell myself about my cooking shows Also this challenges us into growing out of our 'fixer's' conditioning into becoming more zen. Much more zen. More than we would want to.. Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2 2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013) Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg. 2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days afterreinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours 28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr 2015 1 mg, 25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64 Xanax 9 month hold 24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26 Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. Link to comment
Moderator Frogie Posted May 1, 2017 Moderator Share Posted May 1, 2017 Andy: Thank you for all the kind words you give me, along with the great help. We will get there-just like you said. Take care, Frogie xx PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist. Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form) ---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil. Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper. 19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020) I am not a medical professional. The suggestions I make are based on personal experience. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted May 1, 2017 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 1, 2017 Thanks Bubble! As you know, knowing you are not alone is one of the greatest values of this site. Sharing your story and letting me know that what is going is "normal" (in withdrawal) helps me greatly. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Survivor1 Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 Hi Andy, Just wanted to chime in to say that I am sorry for what you are going through. Sometimes I think it just my own world falling apart and then I see that, unfortunately, so many others are having a hard time as well. What can I say but dig deep and go hour by hour. I wish that things level out for you soon. Best wishes. PAST Gabapentin: about 6 months in 2015, 300-900 mg, cold turkeyed Sept 2015 (at same time dc'd Klonopin) Klonopin: June 2014- Sept 2015; 1mg tapered over 6 mths, dc'd at 0.25mg, withdrawal hellish (perhaps because of concurrent dc of gabapentin) Mirtazepine: Jumped off at 2.4 mg. (stable in 8 months). Seroquel: June 14 - July 24, 2016, 25 mg alternate nights; smaller doses for shorter periods. Total use about 3 months Lamictal: March 19, 2018 - 1 mg; March 23 - 1.25 mg; April 6 - 2mg. Discontinued at 2 mgJuly 1, 2018 due to Steven Johnson Syndrome. CURRENT Supplements: Vit D, turmeric Naturethroid: 65 mcg for hypothyroidism Trazodone: Oct 2015 - June 2016; 75 mg tapered over 2 mths, intense w/d after 3 weeks. Reinstatement: 07/25/16 - 25 mg; updosed 08/03/16 - 50 mg; 10/01/16- 62mg; 03/24/17 dropped to 50 mg (stable in 2.5 months) Current psych meds: Trazodone 50 mg Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted May 1, 2017 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 1, 2017 Thanks, Survivor. I appreciate you coming to my thread and posting your words of encouragement. Your screen name says it all. We will be and will be better for it. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
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