☼ moodyblues78: The fight is on (Zoloft/Diazepam)

[moodyblues78]

****! I may have done a huge mistake!

 

I have been making my own liquid zoloft. For the last 4 days, maybe even longer, I have crushed half a pill to 50ml of water. My dose is 11mg (or 11ml). I just realized that my pills are 50mg! So I have accidentally made a 50% drop. I should have used the whole pill.

 

I`m an idiot..

 

I can`t believe this..

 

Do I go back to 11mg or do I stay at 5,5mg? Something in between?

[bubble]

Don't be hard on yourself. This has happened to everyone I think, at lest once. Today the dose I took to work spilt so I had to miss one dose...

 

How long were you taking that lower dose?

 

I hope others will come in but I wouldn't stay on that 50 % drop but go back to the previous dose, not even a lower one especially if you haven't been taking this dose for more than a few days...

[moodyblues78]

I have been on the wrong dose for 4-7 days. I`m not sure. At least I now know why I`ve been feeling so awful. 

[bubble]

Now I saw that you wrote that in your post but I'm near my crashing time so missed it.

 

It seems to me 4 or even 7 days is not that long, and that you can go back to 11 mg. Probably it will take a bit more time to stabilize but I think nothing dramatic has happened. As I said, I read about this quite a few times from other people.

 

But let's wait for some more replies...

[Rhiannon]

Only 4-7 days, I would go back up to your correct dose and prepare to hold for a while to stabilize. This will take some time, your system has been through a shock. After a month or so if you are feeling fairly well you could consider restarting your taper with a very small cut.

 

Don't be hard on yourself, this has happened to many people.

[moodyblues78]

Thanks bubble and Rhi.

 

I`m now back at 11mg. I felt a bit nauseous after taking it but fortunately it went away. If things go well I`ll hold here for at least a month. 

 

My therapist recommended a book called Trauma and the Body: A Sensorimotor Approach to Psychotherapy. She said it is good for dealing with trauma that might trigger the wd reactions.

[bubble]

I like your new avatar I hope things get better soon. (It's good that it's the weekend

 

Thanks for mentioning the book! sounds very interesting and your therapist sounds really great. Hope you were less scared at the session...

[moodyblues78]

Hi bubble.

 

I had to change the avatar. It gave me anxiety. I`m not kidding!

 

Toilet is my new home. I guess my stomach did not like the updose. Mood goes up and down but it´s bearable. Just trying to relax.

 

Yesterday`s session went well. My therapist is a bit frustrated cause she has no experience dealing with withdrawal and she does not know how to help me.  

[Altostrata]

You might show her this site.

[moodyblues78]

Actually that is a good idea. I have told her about this place but she did not ask what site this was so I didn`t tell.

 

Are you familiar with the book she suggested to me?

[Altostrata]

No, I'm not familiar with that book. Please start a topic about it in Symptoms if you'd like to discuss it.

[Petunia]

Yesterday`s session went well. My therapist is a bit frustrated cause she has no experience dealing with withdrawal and she does not know how to help me.  

 

There is nothing a therapist can do to 'cure' withdrawal or even relieve symptoms, but they can help us learn how to tolerate and manage symptoms without making things worse, until they naturally go away by themselves.

 

A therapist can help you deal with the issues that led you to taking medication in the first place.

 

Perhaps your therapist is familiar with 'Dialectical Behavior Therapy', or DBT for short.  It was developed to help people who have problems managing overwhelming emotions. It incorporates techniques like mindfulness and distraction.

 

My therapist recommended a book called Trauma and the Body: A Sensorimotor Approach to Psychotherapy. She said it is good for dealing with trauma that might trigger the wd reactions.

 

Its interesting that your therapist would mention trauma, I've noticed that as part of my withdrawal process, past trauma has spontaneously been coming up as very strong, physical sensations, with associated memories.  But I think its the other way around, from what your therapist suggested, its the withdrawal  that triggers the release of past trauma into the body and mind, now that there is no drug, or less drug there to continue suppressing it.

 

I was experiencing this very intensely at first, but its subsided a lot now.  I read a book based on the same approach and started doing exercises from another similar method of trauma release, based of a technique which causes the body to release trauma through tremors.  I was just doing this at home, not working with a therapist.

 

That book has some good reviews on Amazon.  I think these kinds of therapies are very good for people with a past history of abuse or trauma, even for people who are effected by the normal traumas of childhood and growing up.  But from what I've experienced spontaneously, and through doing some of the exercises, it can be highly arousing, stimulating and stressful to work with past trauma.  The body basically re-experiences the trapped energy of the past traumatic event, so then it can release it.  I don't recommend it for someone who is trying to calm a hypersensitive nervous system.  But of course, if you are experiencing this trauma release anyway, as part of withdrawal, I would think it would be very helpful to learn about what is happening.

 

If you start a topic about the book, as Alto suggested I will write more and post the titles of similar books.

[bubble]

this is so very interesting. I have no idea how to work with my past trauma and all my therapists have been equally helpless ;(

I managed to hide most of it even from them for 18 years of various therapies. My main survival mechanism is control of my feelings which happens in the way that I put aside disturbing feelings and operate without them. This enables me to remain fairly functional even during the worst of crisis BUT I can't switch it off when it's not needed so that I could enjoy life and be spontanoues. Not to mention how much of my psychic energy goes into keeping my emotions under strict control and scrutiny.

 

To make matters worse, my main trauma is something that didn't happpen,that is,something that wasn't there:I was separated from my mom when I was 1 and brought up by grandmother who didn't emotionally connect with me so I had to be my own mother. I have no idea how to fix this bizarre wiring that was set up in my little year old head...

 

On top of that came domestic violence starting with the age of 6 so these books bring me a new hope and possibility that something could be done to finally do something about it.

 

moodyblues,sorry for hijacking your thread:I got inspired;)

 

bubble

[moodyblues78]

 

 

 

If you start a topic about the book, as Alto suggested I will write more and post the titles of similar books.

 

 

I will once I get the book and start reading it. It may be too stimulating for me at the moment but I will have to try to find out. At the moment I`m not able to get any peace from anxiety and fear. Maybe it`s too soon.

[moodyblues78]

moodyblues,sorry for hijacking your thread:I got inspired;)

 

bubble

 

That`s ok   I think past trauma plays a big role in getting off these poisons. Should we suppress it while we heal or open the can of worms? That is the hard question. 

 

I`m feeling worse every day now. I don`t know if it`s a wave or result of my accidental dosage reduction. I feel like I`m back where I started. I`m constantly fighting against my fear. 

 

Anxiety wake ups and nightmares are back. That sucks. If I get those, the whole day is horrible. 

 

It`s not all bad. I had been up for 5 minutes today when my son gave me a hug and told me that he loves me. 

[bubble]

it sooo nice about your son

 

so sorry the fears are back but at least we know what caused them:that unfortunate episode...

 

I'm sure things will get better but it might take time (and another high dose of patience and endurance).

 

I agree with Petu:definitely not touch that can of worms while we are so fragile unless they crawl out of their own accord...

 

Big hug,

bubble

[Olivia]

Interesting that past traumas present themselves as we remove the chemical which held it back. I have also been told by an ER Doctor, when I had

my seizure, along with myoclonic jerks, tremors. This can be an indicator of "how your body" will release the trauma. Physically through your body.

 

Seems he knew what he was talking about. My Dr. always has stated the emergence of past things will emerge once you come off of these substances.

He was referring to the Xanax. Looks like antidepressants have the same affect.

 

Talk therapy with a knowledgeable Dr. or Therapist whom you trust, is very beneficial, IMO.

 

MoodyBlues, I hope you start feeling better today.

 

Olivia

[moodyblues78]

Thanks Olivia. I hope so too.

 

Yesterday was very hard. No peace until before I went to bed. I slept ok.

 

My mood comes and goes by the minute. Trouble breathing and hands are sweating again. Headache. It`s really hard to keep going, keep walking. I can only pray this goes away.

[bubble]

In my case at the moment it's 'just' that my brain is operating with great difficulty: I'm at a loss for words when speaking because from one word to the next, I come across a blank space..

 

really struggling... hope we both experience at least a window 

[moodyblues78]

We will bubble!

 

It`s hard to be at work right now but I think I`m doing a little better than friday.

 

I have headphones on and I listen to radio. Other earpeace is off my ear so that I can hear the sounds of the office. This distracts me from my thoughts getting too bad and I`m able to do my work. Still, it`s very hard. But I can do this. One minute, one hour at the time.

 

Little steps. I keep telling myself that I will be ok. Same time I`m afraid that I`m lying to myself. But I`m not.

[bubble]

very good salf-dialogue!

 

I'm doing the same here . Music also helps me to focus...

[EternalOptimist]

MB, I am sorry about your fears. That's what brings me down and on a med.

I think I know what causes the fear due to years of therapist but haven't learned how to afop them or if.

Then I question if the chemical change in our brains from w/d causes it's own fear.

Any thoughts on the latter? Thnx

[EternalOptimist]

MB, I am sorry about your fears. That's what brings me down and on a med.

I think I know what causes the fear due to years of therapy but haven't learned how to stop if.

Then I question if the chemical change in our brain comes from w/d causing it's own fear.

Any thoughts on the latter? Thnx

[moodyblues78]

MB, I am sorry about your fears. That's what brings me down and on a med.

I think I know what causes the fear due to years of therapist but haven't learned how to afop them or if.

Then I question if the chemical change in our brains from w/d causes it's own fear.

Any thoughts on the latter? Thnx

 

I think the fear is real but wd amplifies everything. 

[moodyblues78]

I had a good night. Morning went ok too. Now I`m at work again and feeling horrible. I feel like crying. Depressed and anxious. I have hard time breathing.

[bubble]

I had a very anxious night. Strangely but anxiety didn't wake me up but got incorporated into my dream: I was dreaming I was in a meeting and being so anxious I just wanted to run away.

 

Even started 'daydreaming' about taking a few days off work and dreading of what happens if I have a major panic attack at work.

 

Now I'm just trying to take things very easy.

 

It seems we are both in a nasty wave: I dropped my Xanax by 5 % and you had that mishap with measuring.

 

It's withdrawal, it will pass. We just have to endure. I was taking yoga classes and we were doing breathing exercises. But I find mindful breathing most useful: you just become aware of your breath and focus all you attention on it, follow it consciously as you inhale and exhale. Don't try to control it. Just observe it closely and see what happens.

 

This helps me to calm down, connect with my body and feel more grounded and in control and also my breathing gradually becomes deeper and slower. 

[moodyblues78]

Thanks bubble. I will try that mindfull breathing.

 

It`s funny how scared I`m to post anything positive here. I quess I`m in a very negative state of mind. Any ideas how to teach myself to be more positive person? I really need to change this in me.

[bubble]

I'd need that too

 

i guess it's practice. I see it this way: at first I wasn't aware that was my problem. Now I realised this exact thing you are mentioning: I'm afraid to write or say soemthing positive for fear that it will go away immediately. Probably I also believe that only negative things and hardship are permanent or at least their reality is more solid.

 

Now when I understand how I think (and how bad it is), I consciouly try very hard to let myself be positive (accepting that it won't last

 

So I tell my boyfriend: I feel well but don't worry, it will pass.

 

I'm practicing to enjoy positive moments however fleeting they might be and give myself to them. (fighting with that voice in my head which keeps telling me that i'm letting my guard and that I will consequently be less prepared when hadship strikes again).

 

It's hard work that takes long time. My therapist helped me with the notion of treading a new neurological path as opposed to the one we formed very early in our childhood. If our childhood circumstances have been harsh, we learnt ways of how to cope with those adversities which are now causing us porblems especially since they got inprinted in our brains.

 

It's like learning to drive: I first you consciously have to put a lot of effort to do things right and after a while it gets automatic.

 

not sure if it makes much sense

[moodyblues78]

Maybe being a positive person comes after getting off this wd hell. We will learn to appreciate the good things in life. Right now it`s mostly the drugs making my mind the way it is.

 

If only I could accept that this is going to take months or years. It`s so hard to accept it. When my symptoms are milder, it`s easier. Right now it`s impossible. I might get one minute here and there when I feel somewhat ok but then anxiety crabs a hold of me. I feel like there is a ton of concrete above me.

[moodyblues78]

It's crazy that doctor prescribe these SSRI/SNRI/etc medication for pain.

 

We look trough my wife`s prescriptions and found out that she has taken SNRI and SSRI medication for her back pain. Doctors never told her what kind of medicines these were. Luckily she was not able to eat them because of the side effects.

[bubble]

I was first given an AD by a neurologist when I was 18 years old for treatmenr of headache.

 

Although I was only 18, I objected when I read the paper that came with the drug I was prescribe for treateing headache and found out it was an AD. The doctor explaine dit to me that apart from being used to treat depression (which I didn't have at the time), that drug was suppose to widen my bloodvessels and thus stop the headache (which it did).

 

I was taking it for 2 months, then was tolod to stop and 2 months after that I had my first nervous breakdown after which I became depressed. Remembered this only recently after reading some posts here...

 

Regarding the time of our wirhdrawal, I think it's the key we do it so slowly we forget we are tapering. Indeed if we felt like this for years, it would really be too much. 

[moodyblues78]

That just makes me angry. Doctors really trust these drugs blindly. To think that teenagers and ever younger kids are fed with these poisons. There will be a price to pay. Unfortunately.

 

Guess what. I`m having a small window. I was reading benzo withdrawal success stories and something snapped in my head. I have been feeling close to normal for an hour now. First time in many days. Yay or something..

[bubble]

what a strange and interesting sync: me too!

 

let's be positive and enjoy it while it lasts

[EternalOptimist]

Thumbs up to your window. It does feel awesome.

[moodyblues78]

Not a good day so far.

 

My left ear started ringing very loudly when I was going to work. It lasted for at least half an hour. Very scary.

 

I`m hardly able to anything. Trying to get rid of this fear..

[moodyblues78]

I did not know that a person can feel this bad. This the worst I´ve ever been. Is it possible that I`m having adverse reaction to zoloft since I took the wrong dose for many days?

 

Apart from a couple of small periods yesterday, I`m getting worse and worse every day. I need help.