DaveB: trying to stop a roller coaster year

[wildchild93]

42 minutes ago, DaveB said:

Positive note: After a terrible morning yesterday, the anxiety lifted and I had a pretty good afternoon and evening. Morning anxiety was not too bad this morning, and I slept soundly til my alarm at 7:40. That has not happened much if at all, I don't usually wake too early, but it is usually about 7 - 7:15 I wake with too much nervous energy to go back to sleep. Not the case today, my wife's alarm actually went off at 7:20 and I woke for a little bit, but pretty much slept right through it going off and her getting up. Hopefully this is a good sign?

Yes! It feels so good to be able to fal back to sleep again after my boyfriend gets up for work. I can relate to this 100%

[Cheeky]

Dave it’s great to hear your doing better. 

Its such a relief when you can see 

improvnents.  Soilder on

[DaveB]

5 hours ago, Rosetta said:

That sounds like a great sign!!!

I agree, but I also thought that 2-3 weeks ago when the cortisol mornings went away for a bit. Only to come crashing back down. Oh well, today has not been too bad so I will take it. Had an anxious bit from about 12-2, but it seems to be subsiding now. Three days no Dr. Pepper, I know that sounds pathetic, but that is a big deal for me, some headaches and maybe a little sluggish this morning, but not too bad. 

 

5 hours ago, wildchild93 said:

Yes! It feels so good to be able to fal back to sleep again after my boyfriend gets up for work. I can relate to this 100%

It was very nice!

 

24 minutes ago, Cheeky said:

Dave it’s great to hear your doing better. 

Its such a relief when you can see 

improvnents.  Soilder on

I will, you too. I am seeing improvements which help me to hang on during the bad times. Has your latest wave started to pass? 

[Cheeky]

6 minutes ago, DaveB said:

I agree, but I also thought that 2-3 weeks ago when the cortisol mornings went away for a bit. Only to come crashing back down. Oh well, today has not been too bad so I will take it. Had an anxious bit from about 12-2, but it seems to be subsiding now. Three days no Dr. Pepper, I know that sounds pathetic, but that is a big deal for me, some headaches and maybe a little sluggish this morning, but not too bad. 

 

It was very nice!

 

I will, you too. I am seeing improvements which help me to hang on during the bad times. Has your latest wave started to pass? 

Comes and goes, good days and not the best days, at least it’s not constant. I think it’s windows and waves  for me

[DaveB]

11 minutes ago, Cheeky said:

Comes and goes, good days and not the best days, at least it’s not constant. I think it’s windows and waves  for me

 

Sounds about like me. We will get there, it is just taking so dang long for us!

[Rosetta]

27 minutes ago, DaveB said:

Three days no Dr. Pepper, I know that sounds pathetic, but that is a big deal for me, some headaches and maybe a little sluggish this morning, but not too bad. 

 

That's good that the headache isn't constant!   It's not pathetic, Dave.  I miss coffee a lot, but I hope my anxiety is reduced by this change.   If so, it will be worth it.

[DaveB]

1 hour ago, Rosetta said:

 

That's good that the headache isn't constant!   It's not pathetic, Dave.  I miss coffee a lot, but I hope my anxiety is reduced by this change.   If so, it will be worth it.

 

I agree, well worth it! Although up to now I have had more anxiety if anything since dropping the DP. Hopefully that won't continue. 

[DaveB]

Unfortunately a typical morning today, woke at 7:15 with anxiety. Anxiety never really gave me a break yesterday after having a decent morning so I am pretty discouraged today. Should I give up on the Dr. Pepper cut? Seems it has ramped up my symptoms, or more accurately I am not getting the breaks I did before. Am I overthinking it, and it probably isn't affecting anything? I am just kind of losing hope here. Seems every time something good happens I can hang my hat on, it doesn’t ever last am I am stuck grasping at straws trying to see improvement.

[Hazel]

Sorry you are struggling Dave.  I’m not sure what to tell in regards to the Dr. Pepper.  I know I avoid caffeine now in withdrawal.  I have an occasional coffee drink if I have had a few good days in a row without anxiety.  I’m not sure how much caffeine affects me at this point, but I figure it doesn’t help the anxiety.  

I can totally relate to the good times not lasting.  I felt so close to stabilizing a week ago, but am up and down once again.  I can say that the waves seem to pass more quickly than they did before, so there is definite improvement. 

Hang in there.  I really do believe you will start to experience greater improvement very soon😊

Hazel

[Rosetta]

I didn't want to discourage you in case quitting the Dr Pepper was going to be easy, but I had the same experience, Dave.  I had a lot of anxiety when I tried to stop coffee.  It could be a psychological dependence.  So, I went back to coffee and then tried to reduce it instead of cutting it out all at once.  It seemed that having even 1/2 a cup calmed me down.  We know it has an effect on the brain.  Why don't you try to reduce it more slowly.  Don't have a full 20 oz today.  Just see if 1/2 that helps the anxiety and go from there?

[DaveB]

47 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

I didn't want to discourage you in case quitting the Dr Pepper was going to be easy, but I had the same experience, Dave.  I had a lot of anxiety when I tried to stop coffee.  It could be a psychological dependence.  So, I went back to coffee and then tried to reduce it instead of cutting it out all at once.  It seemed that having even 1/2 a cup calmed me down.  We know it has an effect on the brain.  Why don't you try to reduce it more slowly.  Don't have a full 20 oz today.  Just see if 1/2 that helps the anxiety and go from there?

 

Good advice, thanks Rosetta! Things have calmed a bit for me from this morning, so I may try to hold off if I can, but I think you are right, cutting it all at once may have been a bit harsh with everything else I have going on. 

 

1 hour ago, Hazel said:

Sorry you are struggling Dave.  I’m not sure what to tell in regards to the Dr. Pepper.  I know I avoid caffeine now in withdrawal.  I have an occasional coffee drink if I have had a few good days in a row without anxiety.  I’m not sure how much caffeine affects me at this point, but I figure it doesn’t help the anxiety.  

I can totally relate to the good times not lasting.  I felt so close to stabilizing a week ago, but am up and down once again.  I can say that the waves seem to pass more quickly than they did before, so there is definite improvement. 

Hang in there.  I really do believe you will start to experience greater improvement very soon😊

Hazel

 

It is good you can say that, I would have said the same thing a few different times, but as of now they seem as long and bad as ever. Hoping for a break soon!

[DaveB]

This process is so weird. I have had a really up and down day, times when the anxiety goes away and I feel totally fine like "what was the big deal?" Then times where it is really bad I can barely function, this is just so bizarre. Who would ever believe this is even possible unless you experience it. I have got to think eventually it is going to all even out, but the bad times feel so hopeless. Overall though it hasn't been a terrible day, disappointing I couldn't sleep in like I did yesterday and coming off the heels of a day that never really got better was hard. Maybe I let that effect me too much this morning instead of just rolling with it. I don't know anymore, I just know I am tired of this!

[Dalalea]

1 hour ago, DaveB said:

cutting it all at once may have been a bit harsh with everything else

I think this is the key. Could you cut back and still give yourself some. Just go down a little at a time? Caffeine and sugar are drugs like anything else we carefully choose. We are so sensitive to things like magnesium, etc., so why wouldn't we need to be careful with those, also?

I hope your day ends on a positive note!

Dalalea

[DaveB]

40 minutes ago, Dalalea said:

I think this is the key. Could you cut back and still give yourself some. Just go down a little at a time? Caffeine and sugar are drugs like anything else we carefully choose. We are so sensitive to things like magnesium, etc., so why wouldn't we need to be careful with those, also?

I hope your day ends on a positive note!

Dalalea

 

Yeah, I had just been told how bad caffeine and sugar are during withdrawal, so I decided to take the plunge, hoping I would feel better...this has not been the case. 

[DaveB]

Had a good night last night, and slept in a little this morning. Had some pretty strong anxiety after getting up, but it hasn't been too bad and seems to be improving. Hopefully coming out of this wave I have been in!

[Rosetta]

Did you have caffeine?

[DaveB]

36 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

Did you have caffeine?

 

I haven't yet. Going on 5 days now.

[DaveB]

So question about exercise, it is tough to tell if it helps or hurts simply because I am so up and down. It definitely helps for a few hours after, then I am not sure. How long after exercise is it fair to attriubute and anxiety to spike to the exercise? A few hours, a few days?

[DaveB]

Wanted to document a pretty good day, anxiety left last night and I had a good night with my family. Woke up at 7:15 this morning for a 7:30 workout, anxiety kicked in before the workout and I really wanted to just stay in bed. Got up and worked out and felt pretty good during and have been doing very well since. I am hoping to stay off the caffeine and sugar and that this will help to propel me into a nice window, overall doing very well today so I hope it continues. I have also dropped a few lbs. since the Dr. Pepper cut, so that has been a nice added bonus. 

[Rosetta]

Wonderful, Dave!  I think you could make your workouts more gentle and see if that helps the anxiety.  Some people do well with exercise, apparently.  For me, the jogging helped for a few hours, and then the effect wore off.  My theory was that over time the cortisol created by the jogging added up and put me into extreme anxiety.  I can't prove it, but it was after I started jogging that I had the absolute worst symptoms for weeks on end.

 

My wave continues, sigh . . .

[Hazel]

2 hours ago, DaveB said:

Wanted to document a pretty good day, anxiety left last night and I had a good night with my family. Woke up at 7:15 this morning for a 7:30 workout, anxiety kicked in before the workout and I really wanted to just stay in bed. Got up and worked out and felt pretty good during and have been doing very well since. I am hoping to stay off the caffeine and sugar and that this will help to propel me into a nice window, overall doing very well today so I hope it continues. I have also dropped a few lbs. since the Dr. Pepper cut, so that has been a nice added bonus. 

Glad to hear you are having a pretty good day Dave!

[Dalalea]

Wonderful, Dave!

[Waterfall]

Hey DaveB. 

Glad to hear you're having a better day.  : )  

 

Rosetta, sorry to hear that you're in a wave.  : ( 

Me too.  I hope we see some windows soon!  

[DaveB]

Thursday ended up being pretty good, though anxiety did kind of creep up at night. Yesterday was a good day, had anxiety throughout the day, but overall it was pretty manageable. I have had a little more anxiety so far today, I worked out Thursday and Friday so maybe that helped? After I worked out yesterday I unloaded 6 truck loads of mulch for my yard so maybe between the two I overdid it? Problem is since my body doesn't really relax, I always feel better and more normal when I am doing something (working out, yard-work, skiing with my boys), but maybe I pay for it later? I don't know, kinda of sick of always analyzing what helps and doesn't, but still feel I have to as I can crash. Still no Dr. Pepper, now over a week.

[Rosetta]

14 minutes ago, DaveB said:

 I always feel better and more normal when I am doing something (working out, yard-work, skiing with my boys), but maybe I pay for it later? I don't know, kinda of sick of always analyzing what helps and doesn't, but still feel I have to as I can crash. Still no Dr. Pepper, now over a week.

 

So do I -- feel better when I'm doing something and I wonder how it affects me longer term.

 

I'm glad you are having better days! - Rosetta

[DaveB]

48 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

 

So do I -- feel better when I'm doing something and I wonder how it affects me longer term.

 

I'm glad you are having better days! - Rosetta

 

Thanks Rosetta, today is a grind unfortunately, hoping it turns around.

[DaveB]

Feeling absolutely terrible today. Anxiety coursing through my body with no end in sight. I thought I was past this, but now I wonder if I have even made any progress at all. Do I need to go to a doctor to find something else to try, I am just not stabilizing! I did recently change from 2 20mg pills to one 40mg pill, would expect that should make a difference, right? Not a very Happy Birthday for me today haha. 

[DaveB]

I know finding a different or new drug isn't the answer, I am just frustrated. I thought by now things would be getting much better in this long hold. Anyone think the change from 2 20mg pills to one 40mg pill could really be causing problems? The anxiety has decreased a bit finally, and in many ways I am doing better than I was months ago, but boy when the anxiety hits hard for no obvious reason , it is just so very hard to deal with. 

[Rosetta]

Is it your birthday?!  Happy Birthday!

 

Maybe cutting caffeine is catching up to you?  Either that or this is just a wave.  It's still Spring and the land is still staying in the sun longer and longer.  I'm sorry it's worse.  Getting better and then worse is sooooo difficult.  You have neuro-emotion and are dealing with that non-linear aspect that makes no sense.  Doubt is the result naturally.

[Kristine]

Happy Birthday Dave! 

[Hazel]

Happy Birthday Dave!

Sorry it was a challenging day for you today.  I pray tomorrow brings you more peace and calm😊

Hazel

[Dalalea]

Happy birthday! For your birthday, I wish you a window of some kind. You need a little break!

 

[Cheeky]

Happy Birthday 🎂 buddy, it’s unfair you feel bad today  but there will always be tomorrow. You know what it is so ride it out, it is the stupid medication trying to adjust in your brain. You will be okay

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

[DaveB]

Thanks guys for the Happy Birthday wishes, I am actually doing quite well. After a horrible start to Saturday, I had a very good night. Sunday had some bad moments, but was overall a good day. Maybe this is the start of something good!

 

Symptoms:

 

Anxiety - Has been as bad as ever at times the last few weeks, but also very good at others. I think if I can point to something good in this area it is that the anxiety times seem shorter lived. Like they hit for a few hours everyday, but they do disperse after a while, almost never constant for a whole day or even long periods of time in a day. 

 

Inability to concentrate or enjoy things - Anxiety can make it hard to concentrate, but I am doing better here.

 

IBS - Comes and goes, maybe it is part the magnesium, but this is still around. 

 

Oily Skin - Still there. May not even be withdrawal related, but it has gotten to be less.

 

Face Flushing and feeling "hot" - This doesn't happen often anymore.

 

Pins and Needles - This doesn't happen much these days, on occasion i will feel the adrenaline in arms and/or legs, but not a lot.

 

Negative Thoughts - So tough to continue to tell yourself it will get better in the midst of anxiety. 

 

Sensitivity to Sound - This doesn't happen very often anymore.

 

Sensitivity to Smell - Gone

 

Shaking (especially in the hands) - No longer much of an issue

 

Burning Eyes - Gone, and was actually a real problem at one point.

 

OCD/Intrusive Thoughts - Pretty much completely gone at this point. 

[Hazel]

Glad to hear things are improving!  I certainly hope this is the start of something good for you-you deserve it😊

[Dalalea]

Wow! You have quite a few improvements listed here! I'm so happy for you! I hope the anxiety keeps getting shorter and shorter all the time.