DaveB: trying to stop a roller coaster year

[DaveB]

@Altostrata @ChessieCat

 

6:AM - wake to mild anxiety. 

 

6-8AM - Anxiety building to at times very strong levels

 

8:30AM - take 10 mgs Paxil, multivitamins, fish oil, magnesium, vitamin D. 

 

8:30 - 10AM - Anxiety not good but manageable.

 

10AM - 2 PM - VERY STRONG ANXIETY, unbearable, doubting I will ever get better.

 

2PM - 10:30 PM - Anxiety slowly relaxing to manageable levels. Doing pretty well by nighttime, but wow, that afternoon was ROUGH!

 

10:30PM - 2.5mgs Zyprexa and bed. 

 

Really tough day!! Not sure how many more of those types of afternoons I can take! Went camping with my boys in a cabin and though it was really cold, anxiety was manageable and I slept ok. Woke to manageable levels of anxiety, especially given the circumstances 

[Tom37]

Great that you are out doing things while going through all this. Cant be easy at all but you should be proud of yourself. 

 

Just think of those two better days you just had and know they will come again soon. You will get better....it’s just time and with your med changes it may take a little bit longer (or maybe not) but you will get there in the end. Just think of the members who went ct and suffered unbelievably and recovered.

 

Hopefully soon you will start having three better days in a row then eventually 4 then 5 then your better days will be even better and the bad days will be lesser in intensity.

 

Seems we see a gradual trend of heading in the right direction with setbacks in between.

[DaveB]

8 minutes ago, Tom37 said:

Great that you are out doing things while going through all this. Cant be easy at all but you should be proud of yourself. 

 

Just think of those two better days you just had and know they will come again soon. You will get better....it’s just time and with your med changes it may take a little bit longer (or maybe not) but you will get there in the end. Just think of the members who went ct and suffered unbelievably and recovered.

 

Hopefully soon you will start having three better days in a row then eventually 4 then 5 then your better days will be even better and the bad days will be lesser in intensity.

 

Seems we see a gradual trend of heading in the right direction with setbacks in between.

 

Yeah, anxiety got really bad again this afternoon. Even had some SI thoughts which kind of freaked me out! Not something I would ever do, but the fact my mind went there while struggling was not a good sign of where I am at mentally!

[Tom37]

Try not to think too much about them and I would sat it’s fairly common for a lot of people going through wd.

 

I have had them myself. Think it’s partly the wd affecting our thoughts and because at times we think it’s the only way to escape the situation or you don’t think you can get better. Yet I have no intention of every doing it and never have. 

[Altostrata]

Stop taking vitamin D for the time being, please.

[DaveB]

1 minute ago, Altostrata said:

Stop taking vitamin D for the time being, please.

 

Ok, today I did an experiment with my vitamins. Didn’t take them until AFTER the anxiety hit hard at about Noon. I actually am doing MUCH better now at 3PM after taking them, than I was at Noon before taking them. That being said I am happy to put vitamin D on hold if you still feel I should after my experience today. Only reason why I take it is we don’t see the sun much in Utah in November - March.

 

1 hour ago, Tom37 said:

Try not to think too much about them and I would sat it’s fairly common for a lot of people going through wd.

 

I have had them myself. Think it’s partly the wd affecting our thoughts and because at times we think it’s the only way to escape the situation or you don’t think you can get better. Yet I have no intention of every doing it and never have. 

 

Exactly the way I feel about it, good to know I am not alone in having those thoughts at times.

[Altostrata]

Stop taking your vitamins and vitamin D altogether for now. Eat lots of green leafy vegetables.

[RachelSusan]

Dave,

 

I too had to stop the multi vitamins, and I never went back to them.   It will save you a few bucks as well.

 

Hang in there .
RS

 

[Tom37]

I just think if Stockton and Malone where still playing for the Jazz then all our problems would be solved instantly!

 

Take it easy Dave.

[DaveB]

1 hour ago, Tom37 said:

I just think if Stockton and Malone where still playing for the Jazz then all our problems would be solved instantly!

 

Take it easy Dave.

 

Post of the year!

1000 times this!!!

[DaveB]

2 hours ago, RachelSusan said:

Dave,

 

I too had to stop the multi vitamins, and I never went back to them.   It will save you a few bucks as well.

 

Hang in there .
RS

 

 

Problem is I just ordered another 2 months worth.

[Altostrata]

Put them in the fridge and try them again in 6 months.

[DaveB]

3 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Put them in the fridge and try them again in 6 months.

 

Ok so no multivitamin and vitamin D, what about fish oil and magnesium?

[ChessieCat]

51 minutes ago, DaveB said:

what about fish oil and magnesium?

 

You are currently taking them so keep taking them.

[DaveB]

@Altostrata @ChessieCat

 

8AM - wake to mild anxiety. Take 10 msg Paxil 

 

8AM - 11 AM Anxiety coming in waves, but manageable. 

 

11 - 2PM - VERY STRONG ANXIETY, unbearable, doubting I will ever get better.

 

1PM - Take multivitamin, magnesium, fish oil, and vitamin D.

 

2PM - 4 PM - Anxiety slowly relaxing to manageable levels.

 

4PM - midnight - Doing GREAT almost zero anxiety

 

Midnight - 2.5mgs Zyprexa and bed. 

 

Really tough afternoon, but other than that a GREAT day! I went night skiing with my boys and I was totally normal, so great to feel that way!

[eymen23]

40 minutes ago, DaveB said:

Really tough afternoon, but other than that a GREAT day! I went night skiing with my boys and I was totally normal, so great to feel that way!

 

So glad to hear you had a great day Dave. You can feel better and you will feel better. Next time you have a tough day, perhaps try referring to your notes from days like this. I know it helps me! 

[Tom37]

Make sure you enjoy those moments of feeling normal. I haven’t had any ‘nornal’ periods at all for about 8 weeks as always done symptoms hanging around even when feeling ‘bettet’.

 

Keep it up and know you can hold on to that moment knowing it does get better.

[Tom37]

Sorry my spelling is terrible this morning!

[Rosetta]

I'm glad you had a normal feeling while getting to do something fun with your kids! -R

[DaveB]

Another really tough afternoon, three days in a row now, not sure what is causing this pattern. Hopefully it gets better soon like the last couple of days have at this time.

[wildchild93]

Hey Dave, just caught up on your feed. Hope you have a pleasant evening if you're watching the super bowl tonight. I hope 2019 brings much healing for you. 

[Cnick91]

Dave you have a lot of people rooting for you. You got this, it just takes time. It’s so confusing how at times we get stuck in out own heads thinking we won’t ever get better. Then a moment of clarity hits and we convince ourselves it’s not so bad until another wave hits. It’s a vicious cycle man. That’s good your able to get up to the mountains and catch some runs with the kids during this time in your life. I’m a skier aswell. I have noticed my anxiety greatly reduced when I get out of the house and do things like that. It’s when I sit in the house, my mind starts racing and I think something is seriously wrong with me. I beat my nervous system up for 6-7 years on these meds and never felt right. Finally I did a fast taper on Effexor and suffered pretty bad for the first year. Things are slowly getting better. Hang in there.

[DaveB]

2 hours ago, wildchild93 said:

Hey Dave, just caught up on your feed. Hope you have a pleasant evening if you're watching the super bowl tonight. I hope 2019 brings much healing for you. 

 

Thanks for checking in, how are you doing?

[DaveB]

1 hour ago, Cnick91 said:

Dave you have a lot of people rooting for you. You got this, it just takes time. It’s so confusing how at times we get stuck in out own heads thinking we won’t ever get better. Then a moment of clarity hits and we convince ourselves it’s not so bad until another wave hits. It’s a vicious cycle man. That’s good your able to get up to the mountains and catch some runs with the kids during this time in your life. I’m a skier aswell. I have noticed my anxiety greatly reduced when I get out of the house and do things like that. It’s when I sit in the house, my mind starts racing and I think something is seriously wrong with me. I beat my nervous system up for 6-7 years on these meds and never felt right. Finally I did a fast taper on Effexor and suffered pretty bad for the first year. Things are slowly getting better. Hang in there.

 

So are you off of everything now? Feeling better than on? I just wish I could tell if I was slowly getting better, or slowly getting worse.

[Rabe]

Hi Dave..it is hard to tell when we go up and down as we do, huh?  I personally think you are getting better though.  You have many good days and parts of days that are good...that is healing I think.  Take care!!!

[DaveB]

1 hour ago, Rabe said:

Hi Dave..it is hard to tell when we go up and down as we do, huh?  I personally think you are getting better though.  You have many good days and parts of days that are good...that is healing I think.  Take care!!!

 

Thanks Rabe, yesterday I would have said for sure improving, today I would say getting worse. Afternoon wave hit again hard, and kind of kept coming and going throughout the evening. This is really tough!

[DaveB]

On 2/2/2019 at 3:57 PM, RachelSusan said:

Dave,

 

I too had to stop the multi vitamins, and I never went back to them.   It will save you a few bucks as well.

 

Hang in there .
RS

 

 

Do you do any supplements? Fish oil, magnesium? If so how much?

[Cnick91]

3 hours ago, DaveB said:

 

So are you off of everything now? Feeling better than on? I just wish I could tell if I was slowly getting better, or slowly getting worse.

 

Yes I am off everything now. The antidepressants caused a lot of problems for me. I guess you could say I didn’t respond well to drug treatment and probably had an adverse reaction to them. The reason I was on them for so long was because I could not handle the withdrawal every time I would stop the meds. I actually kept being told it wasn’t WD but depression returning. So to answer your question, yes I am feeling better right now than I was on Effexor, but it’s taken a year with zero meds to get to this point. I still go through windows and waves, I still doubt my wellbeing during the tough times, my nervous system is still pretty sensitive... If I were to put my symptoms on a scale of 1-10, ten being the most unbearable symptoms, I’m at a 4 or 5 most days right now. A year ago I was at a 9 or 10. Recovery is a long road, but it does happen given enough time. Keep in mind I tappered off of Effexor (one of the harder ones to quit) way to fast which did my nervous system no favors. 

 

[DaveB]

8AM - Take 10 mgs Paxil 

 

10AM - wake to waves of mild to moderate anxiety.  

 

10 - Noon - Anxiety building. 

 

Noon - 3PM - Anxiety VERY high, worried I will never get better. 

 

3PM - 4:30PM - brief respite from the anxiety, hoping it would be gone for good like the day before. 

 

4PM - Take Magnesium and Fish oil

 

4:30 - 6PM - Another big spike in anxiety to really high levels. 

 

6PM - Take Multivitamin and Vitamin D

 

6PM - 11:30 - Anxiety still coming in waves, but they are decreasing in severity. Never went away, but I guess it was manageable at this time.

 

11:30 - 2.5mgs Zyprexa and bed. 

 

Really tough afternoon again that didn’t shut off at night like it did the previous two days. Really a tough day overall.

 

Edited February 4, 2019 by ChessieCat
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[Rosetta]

Do you ever try taking a hot shower or bath in the evening if the anxiety is hanging on?

[RachelSusan]

Hi Dave,

 

First of all I wanted to give you recognition for what you are going through.  I know you have it coming at you on many different fronts.  Additionally, you are not altering your dose which is very very good.  Having been there myself I know the temptation is always lurking to change things thinking that it will help.  I am very proud of you for staying the course. Stay strong my friend. You will improve. 

 

In answer to your question, I take fish oil and when I was at my worst I took baths in Epsom Salt. I see you are in the United States, so if interested CostCo has 6 pound bags of Epsom Salt and it is much lower in cost than a drug store. I also like the Epsom Salt bath after a workout which might result in aching muscles.  However like I have said in other posts I don't work out like I used to since this entire WD thing started. Easy does it. I don't take magnesium supplements however I hear that it is very helpful in withdrawal.

 

Remember, sometimes doing nothing is doing everything.😀

RS

[DaveB]

40 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

Do you ever try taking a hot shower or bath in the evening if the anxiety is hanging on?

 

Yes and sometimes this helps

[DaveB]

36 minutes ago, RachelSusan said:

Hi Dave,

 

First of all I wanted to give you recognition for what you are going through.  I know you have it coming at you on many different fronts.  Additionally, you are not altering your dose which is very very good.  Having been there myself I know the temptation is always lurking to change things thinking that it will help.  I am very proud of you for staying the course. Stay strong my friend. You will improve. 

 

In answer to your question, I take fish oil and when I was at my worst I took baths in Epsom Salt. I see you are in the United States, so if interested CostCo has 6 pound bags of Epsom Salt and it is much lower in cost than a drug store. I also like the Epsom Salt bath after a workout which might result in aching muscles.  However like I have said in other posts I don't work out like I used to since this entire WD thing started. Easy does it. I don't take magnesium supplements however I hear that it is very helpful in withdrawal.

 

Remember, sometimes doing nothing is doing everything.😀

RS

 

Good information as always. It seems thing may have shifted a bit, now instead of terrible mornings, it seems my afternoons have been really bad the last few days, but mornings have been ok. Another ok morning but I find myself dreading when it is going to hit hard again.

[Tom37]

Maybe the shift in your dose as contributed to the change in when anxiety is hitting? For me would prefer better mornings but you may be different.

 

Keep hanging in there and every day you get through is another day closer to feeling better.

[DaveB]

6:30AM - Wake, feeling mild anxiety, unable to go back to sleep.

 

7:30 - Wake to mild anxiety

 

8AM - Take 10 mgs Paxil, fish oil, magnesium, multivitamin, vitamin d

 

8 - 10AM - waves of mild to moderate anxiety.  

 

10 - 3PM - Feeling pretty good anxiety is mild to moderate, very manageable. 

 

3PM - 4 PM - Had a late lunch at 2:30, anxiety spiked after that to a pretty strong level for an hour.

 

4PM - 7PM  - Anxiety back down to mild/moderate levels, very manageable. 

 

7PM - moderate exercise

 

7 - 11PM Feeling pretty good maybe some mild anxiety a little spike to high moderate for about 10 minutes during this time, but all manageable.

 

11:30 - 2.5mgs Zyprexa and bed. 

 

Really overall a very manageable good day, hoping this continues, certainly not perfect or normal, but I can handle this.

[Tom37]

Good to hear....good days make the fight worth it. We will both get there in the end.

 

Another member who I talk with reinstated about three months ago and is now at about 80/85 percent and only getting minor symptom spikes during the day so healing happens....just at different rates.