DaveB: trying to stop a roller coaster year

[Altostrata]

Do you get spikes of anxiety after eating certain foods? Please keep notes about this. You may have developed food sensitivities. This is not unusual.

[DaveB]

2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Do you get spikes of anxiety after eating certain foods? Please keep notes about this. You may have developed food sensitivities. This is not unusual.

 

You are right, I probably am sensitive to foods...just have no idea which ones. I guess I will need to find out!

[Rosetta]

How much magnesium are you taking?  Do you take it all at once each day?  I'm hoping the cessation of the Vit D and the multivitamin will help, but if not, maybe the magnesium needs to be spaced out?

[DaveB]

55 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

How much magnesium are you taking?  Do you take it all at once each day?  I'm hoping the cessation of the Vit D and the multivitamin will help, but if not, maybe the magnesium needs to be spaced out?

 

I take 250mgs of magnesium citrate.

[DaveB]

@Altostrata @ChessieCat

 

6:30AM - Wake, feeling mild anxiety, hard to, but I think I went back to sleep.

 

7:30 - Wake to mild anxiety

 

8AM - Take 10 mgs Paxil, fish oil, magnesium, multivitamin, vitamin d

 

8 - 10AM - waves of mild to moderate anxiety.  

 

10 AM - 5:30PM - Feeling pretty good anxiety is mild to moderate, very manageable. 

 

5:30PM - Moderate Exercise

 

5:30 - 11PM Feeling pretty good, mild to low moderate anxiety coming in waves, but all manageable.

 

11:30 - 2.5mgs Zyprexa and bed. 

 

Another pretty good day. A muddy window, certainly have anxiety waves, but they pass and are manageable. Thought I had really turned a corner, then woke this morning to really strong anxiety again! Maybe exercise last night, maybe the banana I had before bed, maybe just windows and waves, not sure but it really sucks!

[DaveB]

Ugh...anytime I feel like I am FINALLY making progress, I find myself back here. A horrible morning with unbearable anxiety. Makes me think any progress was a facade and I am just not getting any better. Just a really tough morning today! High anxiety, physically shaking from anxiety, loose stool, etc.

[Aquarius]

Know the feeling i was getting that frequently a good day followed by bad it feels like you are being punished for feeling good and it is so much harder to accept ..

[DaveB]

11 minutes ago, Aquarius said:

Know the feeling i was getting that frequently a good day followed by bad it feels like you are being punished for feeling good and it is so much harder to accept ..

 

Are you doing better now?

[Aquarius]

Unfortunately i went back to docs who prescribed me 15mg of Mirtazapine i wasnt going to take it given the advice on here but i gave in was desparate...fortunately for me i was ok it gave me my sleep back and appetite and more functional days though had a bad one today lots of morning anxiety and crying been on it for 3 weeks now want off lol i still have good day bad day unfortunately but it seems to be the morning then end up normal for the rest of day ...

[RachelSusan]

Hi Dave,

Yes indeed, two steps forward and one step back. Or in the case of WD possibly two steps forward and two and 9/10th steps back. Your daily reports sound promising though. 

R.

[Tom37]

Or two steps forward then two steps sideways the one step back....either way so frustrating. Just keep holding and things are bound to settle down.

[DaveB]

Thanks guys, things seem to be settling a bit now. Still moderate anxiety, but not to the levels of this AM.

[Aquarius]

Not sure about you but sometimes i think my morning anxiety is a habit its kind of expected now so when i wake up i could be initiating it because im expecting it ..like claire weekes said about adding second fear but mine seems to be instant ..

[Altostrata]

Stop taking the multivitamin and vitamin D. Didn't we talk about this before, a few times?

[DaveB]

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

Stop taking the multivitamin and vitamin D. Didn't we talk about this before, a few times?

 

Yes, but the days I don’t take it, it doesn’t seem to make any difference. My multivitamin also has probiotics, isn’t that good for WD? You want me to keep taking the magnesium and fish oil, correct?

[DaveB]

Tough day! I thought is was starting to lift at like 1ish, but it kept coming back in waves. Still hanging around at 6:30PM.

[DaveB]

5:30AM - Wake, mild anxiety, go back to sleep

 

6:30AM - Wake, strong anxiety, can’t go back to sleep.

 

7:30 - Wake to strong anxiety

 

8AM - Take 10 mgs Paxil, fish oil, magnesium, multivitamin, vitamin d

 

8 - 12:30PM - waves of high anxiety, really tough to deal with.  

 

12:30 - 2PM - Anxiety subsides, feeling much better and hopeful.

 

2PM - 7PM - Anxiety comes back, not as strong as in then morning, but still very hard to deal with.

 

7 - 11PM - Anxiety calming down, still very much hanging around, but manageable.

 

11PM - 2.5mgs Zyprexa and bed.

 

Tough day, especially because the two previous were very manageable. Today has not been off to a good start, tough better I think than the start of yesterday so we will see. I just really hope I am on the right path now finally and will start improving. Did not take multivitamin or vitamin D this morning, maybe that will help.

[DaveB]

I don’t know what to do anymore, I can’t keep living like this! No matter what I do I just don’t get better. I have tried more Paxil...doesn’t help. I have tried to cut down Paxil...nope just get worse. I am now  3 months into holding steady with no changes...just getting worse and worse. I don’t know where to turn, just seems there are no answers for me. Why won’t this anxiety just shut off!!! I read online how anxiety is a very treatable problem...what a laugh! I am at the end of my rope here.

[DaveB]

I hear a lot that everyone eventually stabilizes, but I have to say it doesn’t look like that has ever happened for my good friend @powerback. Seriously I need a little hope in all of this.

[Aquarius]

I found with myself i was making my anxiety worse we can be our own worst enemies...i got to the point you are now ..i can only gauge your feeling by what im reading but maybe you are working yourself up too much thus sustaining the anxiety ..beleive me i know how you feel it stinks ...ive recently been talking to my anxiety 😊and i just say do your worst i don't care anymore and i carry on with my day sometimes with heart palpatations or shaking and buzzing ears but i just keep going i dont fight it but just ignore it and say to it that you are not going to ruin my day ...i feel crap but i dont pay it the attention that it is seeking....its not you..you are not alonein this ...

[DaveB]

@Aquarius I know, and usually I can do that, but I am just at the point now where enough is enough, when do I start to see REAL improvement? Not imagined improvement cause I want to see it so bad I make it up, but real improvement. Where I can actually say, “hey I feel better this month than I did 6 months ago.” That hasn’t happened for me in a long time and I am just kind of fed up with it all.

 

That being said you are totally right, how I am acting towards the anxiety is not productive in any way and I need to do better.

[withhopeinmyheart]

Hi Dave,

 

I want to send hugs! I know how you feel! 

 

Right when I crashed and reinstated I was lurking here and your topic was one that scared me. Such a long time to stabilize? 

 

But today I know. I've been holding for ten weeks and am currently back to being bedridden. 

But our brains have such hard work to do! 

 

I know well, Dave! The frustration, the unbearableness of it all. But healing is happening. Keep it stable! 

 

And I'm also one who is often bad with coping and accepting. We all can get there. 

TRY, just try to be greatful for the things that DO work for you. I know it's hard. 

[Aquarius]

I really do feel for you ...i find when i get like that it feels like you are losing control over your life...so i try and find something even if its a small thing but take control over something wether it be diet exercise or day to day routine but take back some control make a list of a plan for anything and then stick to it and when you follow sonething you have planned you start to feel in control no matter how rubbish you feel ..its at times like this you have to dig deep and take back some control of your life however small ....

[Kostas]

1 hour ago, DaveB said:

I hear a lot that everyone eventually stabilizes, but I have to say it doesn’t look like that has ever happened for my good friend @powerback. Seriously I need a little hope in all of this.

Hello Dave

If you read my story, withdrawal struck me almost 4 years after completely stopped citalopram! 

They lasted almost 2 years, but eventually gradually faded, and now I feel fine for a whole year! 

Let's hope that this is not a very long window, but a return to normality. 

So that shows, that at least for some people, stability eventually occurs , and in the end that could happen also to you. 

Wish you the best! 

[DaveB]

@withhopeinmyheart @Aquarius @Kostas

 

Thanks for the hope and kind words. So far the day has totally turned around, I feel really good for the last 2 hours, hoping it continues! On the positive side now 2 days in a row with no twitching in my eye which makes me feel a lot better about having to be on Zyprexa for now until I taper off. I do think I will start the Zyprexa taper after I stabilize and leave Paxil alone for a bit.

[Aquarius]

Really pleased for you ....i don't know if you already do but keep a note of what you eat and how you feel afterwards then you will know if any food is triggering ...i have no caffeine or alcohol and try and eat a healthy diet ..

[DaveB]

So weird, yesterday ended up being very good after a horrible morning. Today has not been good! Windows and waves I guess?

[DaveB]

@Altostrata @ChessieCat

 

5:30AM - Wake, mild anxiety, go back to sleep

 

6:30AM - Wake, strong anxiety, can’t go back to sleep.

 

7:30 - Wake to strong anxiety

 

8AM - Take 10 mgs Paxil, fish oil, magnesium.

 

8 - Noon - waves of high anxiety, really tough to deal with.  

 

Noon - 11PM - Anxiety subsides, almost disappears, honestly a great day after a tough morning. Felt some waves of anxiety, but very mild, almost nonexistent.

 

11PM - 2.5mgs Zyprexa and bed.

 

This was an almost great day after a horrible morning. I another rough morning today...that didn’t get better unfortunately. Still waiting for some stabilization and/or sense in all of this!

[DaveB]

Ugh, tough day today. 7PM and anxiety still going strong!

[Cheeky]

Hi Dave,

Just chiming in to say. hang in there your not alone in this torment. I know how desperately you want to stabilize and  its  just a matter of time. 

I wish we all lived close so we could talk to each other, its so hard giving people support through writing.

It would be so much easier if it was acknowledged in the medical field and then people would support us .

I know I pretend to be that person that everybody thinks I am but deep down I STRUUGLE with this whole thing.

Take everyday as it comes and try not to focus on it.

 

Huggs Cheeky

[Rosetta]

(((Dave))))

[Altostrata]

It seems you're better after you take your Paxil in the morning. Perhaps 10mg Paxil isn't quite enough. You might take 10.5mg and see if it's better.

[DaveB]

26 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

It seems you're better after you take your Paxil in the morning. Perhaps 10mg Paxil isn't quite enough. You might take 10.5mg and see if it's better.

 

You are probably right, but there is no way I can start cutting pills or getting liquid at this point. My wife is barely tolerating me taking Paxil still. If I start doing this with where we are at right now, she would leave me for sure. Once a get stable and this all isn’t so raw and fresh, I am sure she won’t mind me tapering off however I need, but I couldn’t do it now. My only option for an uproar would be like to 15 or 20, but I know that is a lot at this point.

[Altostrata]

Dave, addressing your problems with your wife is above my pay grade. You might discuss them in Relationships and social life  

 

If it's absolutely impossible to take more than 10mg Paxil, I guess you'll just have to stick with it and wait out your waves and windows. Strongly advise you to learn acceptance to cope with your symptoms.

 

If I were you, I would not discuss every little bump in the Paxil road with your wife.

[DaveB]

5 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Dave, addressing your problems with your wife is above my pay grade. You might discuss them in Relationships and social life  

 

If it's absolutely impossible to take more than 10mg Paxil, I guess you'll just have to stick with it and wait out your waves and windows. Strongly advise you to learn acceptance to cope with your symptoms.

 

If I were you, I would not discuss every little bump in the Paxil road with your wife.

 

Yeah I need to learn acceptance, and I certainly do discuss it with her at all...I never say a word to her about any of this, only makes things worse.

[Altostrata]

To be honest, I don't understand how your wife controls what you ingest, but that's between the two of you.