Kristine: not alone

[Kristine]

9 minutes ago, nz11 said:

Ssri withdrawal is no respector of a persons occupation.

??? 

[JustCallMeJane]

5 hours ago, Kristine said:

Hi nz,  Really? Again?  You just can't help yourself can you? If you have a bone to pick with me, just say it! You were disrespectful...you obviously have no ability to understand or interpret my thread (or my signature for that matter) will respond further to this.....but at this point in time I am too upset.  K

 

 

Sweetie, from what I've seen from this person in MANY threads, it's not worth getting upset over. They aren't a mod, and Alto has already seen, and responded to you since your decrease. Best leave this one alone. HUGS 

[Kristine]

1 minute ago, JustCallMeJane said:

Sweetie, from what I've seen from this person in MANY threads, it's not worth getting upset over. They aren't a mod, and Alto has already seen, and responded to you since your decrease. Best leave this one alone. HUGS 

Thank you Jane,  your right...wish I hadn't have written anything in response! Live & Learn I guess. Thank you for the hug, I needed it.  Currently can't sleep...my dog is snuggled up next to me in hubby's place! K xo

[JustCallMeJane]

1 minute ago, Kristine said:

Thank you Jane,  your right...wish I hadn't have written anything in response! Live & Learn I guess. Thank you for the hug, I needed it.  Currently can't sleep...my dog is snuggled up next to me in hubby's place! K xo

 

Aww, well cuddle him tightly and give him a squeeze from me. HUGS. 

[Kristine]

Okay...I am literally drawing a line under yesterday.....still shaken but not stirred 

 

Today is a brand new day!  Hubby has arrived safely at his destination.  I have been able to enjoy yet another breakfast...goats milk yogurt and organic nut toasted muesli.  Going to try another walk today outside the perimeter of the backyard.  I am able to cope much better with uneven ground.  Not so afraid of falling.  The white cockatoos continue to enjoy the walnuts from the nearby tree...beautiful creatures.  Looking for the beauty...it is there. K 🌻

[Rosetta]

Glad to see you are enjoying the cockatoos, Kristine.  Enjoy your walk and your balance ability!  We have wild parrots -- all different colors -- where I live.  They come for the fruit and nuts, too.  They are loud, but their noise is over early in the day.

[JustCallMeJane]

9 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Okay...I am literally drawing a line under yesterday.....still shaken but not stirred 

 

Today is a brand new day!  Hubby has arrived safely at his destination.  I have been able to enjoy yet another breakfast...goats milk yogurt and organic nut toasted muesli.  Going to try another walk today outside the perimeter of the backyard.  I am able to cope much better with uneven ground.  Not so afraid of falling.  The white cockatoos continue to enjoy the walnuts from the nearby tree...beautiful creatures.  Looking for the beauty...it is there. K 🌻

 

Glad to hear you're doing better hun. A nice walk will do you good.

 

4 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

Glad to see you are enjoying the cockatoos, Kristine.  Enjoy your walk and your balance ability!  We have wild parrots -- all different colors -- where I live.  They come for the fruit and nuts, too.  They are loud, but their noise is over early in the day.

1

 

I'll trade you both some crows and bluejays for your cockatoos and parrots, lol

 

[Kristine]

1 minute ago, Rosetta said:

Glad to see you are enjoying the cockatoos, Kristine.  Enjoy your walk and your balance ability!  We have wild parrots -- all different colors -- where I live.  They come for the fruit and nuts, too.  They are loud, but their noise is over early in the day.

Hey Rosetta,  I love parrots 🙂 We get them as well.  There are only two cockatoos so they are very quiet (we also get pink and grey galah's, very noisy!) wondering where the rest of the flock are...maybe these two eloped! K xo

[Kristine]

1 hour ago, JustCallMeJane said:

Glad to hear you're doing better hun. A nice walk will do you good.

Thank you Jane 😊

1 hour ago, JustCallMeJane said:

I'll trade you both some crows and bluejays for your cockatoos and parrots, lol

Have to say crows scare me a little...think it was early exposure to Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds"  xo

[JustCallMeJane]

1 minute ago, Kristine said:

Thank you Jane 😊

Have to say crows scare me a little...think it was early exposure to Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds"  xo

 

There were very few horror movies that scared me as a kid/teen. I think The Birds and Exorcist did solely based on their music.

[Kristine]

9 minutes ago, JustCallMeJane said:

There were very few horror movies that scared me as a kid/teen. I think The Birds and Exorcist did solely based on their music.

Same here...I've always been thriller/horror fan...but can't watch that stuff at the moment! K xo

[JustCallMeJane]

1 minute ago, Kristine said:

Same here...I've always been thriller/horror fan...but can't watch that stuff at the moment! K xo

 

OMG no. I wouldn't be able to handle that type of film either at this point. I'm on a docuseries binge watching right now.

[India]

Dear Kristine, your story brings a tear to my eye. You have suffered such horrors and trauma at the hands of those you trusted. I feel your resilience is beyond measure. You are strong beyond measure. I feel as I educate myself more and more on the faux "drug model" paradigm psychiatrists subscribe to believing they are doing good. I'm sure their intentions are benign but the outcomes are barbaric and mediavel. It makes me think of hannah arendt who spoke of the "banality of evil". I think your tenacity will give others strength. 

[India]

I meant disease model not drug model ( the opposite of the disease model)

[Rosetta]

3 hours ago, JustCallMeJane said:

 

I'll trade you both some crows and bluejays for your cockatoos and parrots, lol

 

Jane, I have plenty of crows, but not enough bluejays.  How about 4 parrots for 4 bluejays?

 

Kristine, How are you feeling?  Sending the best vibes! -- Rosetta

[JustCallMeJane]

2 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

 

Jane, I have plenty of crows, but not enough bluejays.  How about 4 parrots for 4 bluejays?

 

Kristine, How are you feeling?  Sending the best vibes! -- Rosetta

 

LOL DONE!  I can't believe how noisy those blasted things are.

[Kristine]

8 minutes ago, India said:

Dear Kristine, your story brings a tear to my eye. You have suffered such horrors and trauma at the hands of those you trusted. I feel your resilience is beyond measure. You are strong beyond measure. I feel as I educate myself more and more on the faux "drug model" paradigm psychiatrists subscribe to believing they are doing good. I'm sure their intentions are benign but the outcomes are barbaric and mediavel. It makes me think of hannah arendt who spoke of the "banality of evil". I think your tenacity will give others strength. 

 

7 minutes ago, India said:

I meant disease model not drug model ( the opposite of the disease model)

Hi India,  And welcome! Thank you for your kind words...I joined at the beginning of December 2017 but began my own education in October 2017...for me it has been similar to the seven stages of grief.....just not such a linear process! 

• Shock & Denial
• Pain & Guilt
• Anger & Bargaining
• Depression, reflection, loneliness
• The upward turn
• Reconstruction and working through
• Acceptance & Hope

I'll drop by your thread when I have a chance.  Looking forward to getting to know you. K 🌻 Xo

[GentleSteps]

3 hours ago, Kristine said:

Okay...I am literally drawing a line under yesterday.....still shaken but not stirred 

 

Today is a brand new day!  Hubby has arrived safely at his destination.  I have been able to enjoy yet another breakfast...goats milk yogurt and organic nut toasted muesli.  Going to try another walk today outside the perimeter of the backyard.  I am able to cope much better with uneven ground.  Not so afraid of falling.  The white cockatoos continue to enjoy the walnuts from the nearby tree...beautiful creatures.  Looking for the beauty...it is there. K 🌻

Hi Kris!  

So ~ shaken, not stirred, but enjoying delish breakfast, balancing and venturing beyond familiar perimeter.  Plus tapping perfect English on your iPad!   This is a wonderful report.  

Just read your reply to Rosetta.  I'm so sorry you're experiencing such intense symptoms.  Were the anxiety and burning present before the last cut or did they just come on?  I hope chia tea and perhaps some aromatherapy and just breathing will help you find a measure of peace and sleep today.  xx GS

[Kristine]

19 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

Kristine, How are you feeling?  Sending the best vibes! -- Rosetta

Hey Rosetta,  Feeling very fragile.  Anxiety is clawing at my insides...it feels like I'm being eaten from the inside out. Intense tightening around the chest...very bad burning arms.  Same as every day just more intense.  I'm okay though...my beautiful son just made me a mug of chia tea and I'm sitting outside under an apple tree!  What have I got to complain about!?!?  I'll drop by your thread to see how you are getting along...thank you for your postitive vibes and support. love K xo

[Kristine]

6 minutes ago, GentleSteps said:

Hi Kris!  

So ~ shaken, not stirred, but enjoying delish breakfast, balancing and venturing beyond familiar perimeter.  Plus tapping perfect English on your iPad!   This is a wonderful report.  xx GS

Hey GS,  Good to hear from you!  Haven't made it out for the walk yet...still have to make it to the shower  But I did the dishes and fed my dog  l drop by your thread soon. Love. K xo

[Downbutnotout]

15 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Hey GS,  Good to hear from you!  Haven't made it out for the walk yet...still have to make it to the shower  But I did the dishes and fed my dog  l drop by your thread soon. Love. K xo

  I’m glad you’re doing better. Cuckatoos and doves. Did the dishes and fed your dog. Amazing. 

[Kristine]

10 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

  I’m glad you’re doing better. Cuckatoos and doves. Did the dishes and fed your dog. Amazing. 

Hey D...no doves but you never know!  Oh yes, I'm a domestic goddess   before you know it I'll be polishing the silver.....Love to you K xo

[JustCallMeJane]

31 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Hey D...no doves but you never know!  Oh yes, I'm a domestic goddess   before you know it I'll be polishing the silver.....Love to you K xo

 

Did you want to borrow my cape? 

[Kristine]

12 minutes ago, JustCallMeJane said:

Did you want to borrow my cape? 

😂😂😂yes please!...promise I'll give it back...lol 

[Kristine]

3 hours ago, GentleSteps said:

Were the anxiety and burning present before the last cut or did they just come on?  I hope chia tea and perhaps some aromatherapy and just breathing will help you find a measure of peace and sleep today.  xx GS

Hey GS,  The anxiety has always been there.  Ranges in intensity.  At best it feels like a dull ache in my chest...at worst, it is beyond terror...want to rip my skin off, like a screaming agony which permeates every cell in my body, a raging lava.  The burning skin started in October 2017 after a 5mg drop of the 20mg of dexamphetamine.  This also ranges in intensity but is not constant.  Have done a lot of deep breathing today...and burning a meditation 'blend' oil...Hugs. K xo

[Altostrata]

nz, there are many sides to withdrawal, sometimes a large reduction makes sense when someone is experiencing severe adverse reactions. (40mg Prozac is a hefty dose, probably a lot of people can cut high doses in half and not make much change in serotonin transporter occupancy.)

 

Proof of the pudding, Kristine feels better.

 

Kristine, nz is our catcher in the rye. He's afraid you'll come to harm. Please do not take offense.

 

On 2/2/2018 at 11:33 PM, Kristine said:

However, since reducing the fluoxetine, it is a little difficult to assess a daily pattern because it is only the past 2 days I have noticed any differences...nausea was the first to subside then disappear. Today was my 4th dose of 20mg Fluoxetine (I take it in the morning) I was going to wait until next week until I have a clearer idea...what do you think? 

 

Please keep daily notes on paper about your symptoms, when you take your drugs, and their dosages. As you are in a stage where the Prozac level is gradually declining and the drug interactions changing, this information may be helpful later.

[ChessieCat]

This is the preferred format:  Keep Notes on Paper

[Kristine]

23 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

nz, there are many sides to withdrawal, sometimes a large reduction makes sense when someone is experiencing severe adverse reactions. (40mg Prozac is a hefty dose, probably a lot of people can cut high doses in half and not make much change in serotonin transporter occupancy.)

 

Proof of the pudding, Kristine feels better.

 

Kristine, nz is our catcher in the rye. He's afraid you'll come to harm. Please do not take offense.

 

On 03/02/2018 at 6:33 PM, Kristine said:

However, since reducing the fluoxetine, it is a little difficult to assess a daily pattern because it is only the past 2 days I have noticed any differences...nausea was the first to subside then disappear. Today was my 4th dose of 20mg Fluoxetine (I take it in the morning) I was going to wait until next week until I have a clearer idea...what do you think? 

 

Please keep daily notes on paper about your symptoms, when you take your drugs, and their dosages. As you are in a stage where the Prozac level is gradually declining and the drug interactions changing, this information may be helpful later.

Thank you Alto for your support.  Stepping in as mediator is also appreciated.  I'm a little fragile to say the least.  I will continue my daily notes.  Love K 🌻

[Kristine]

1 hour ago, Longestroadhome said:

I'm not too familiar with Bach's flower remedies but it is possible. I drink it as a tea. Personally it has had no effect on me in a negative way but I am aware that some people can not tolerate herbs during withdrawal so best be safe. 

Yes, The rabbit is Tilvi, her house trained pet!!! And the teapot is probably the one that I have because as far as I know she only makes the one style. I do love rustic!

Hey LRH,  I've been writing down all these pockets of wisdom from you and others, so one day I can reach for any one of your suggestions.  The rabbit caught my eye because I used to have a house trained rabbit called Bonnie.  Sadly she passed away last year.  My dog loved her so much he who lick her on her lop ears and head until she was saturated. Very cute!  That teapot is stunning!

1 hour ago, Longestroadhome said:

Oh gosh, I replied to your comment to me not realizing I had missed a whole page of messages after that! Sorry if I sounded uncaring by not making any comment about your welfare. You can block people on here if you find their writing style too abrasive. We can be very fragile during withdrawal and sometimes people's written style can come over as offensive. I have been reading this forum for a number of years (I only joined this year though!!! Didn't think I needed any help before that!) and from my perspective NZ is a genuine person albeit slightly blunt! He also has a cheeky sense of humour. I am sure he did not mean to offend you sweetie. 

 

Keep drinking that chai tea, the spices are medicinal Gods!!

Don't worry! I miss stuff all the time! Sometimes I go back and realise I haven't responded to someone when I thought I had..got a brain like a potato!  Yes, I am a sensitive and fragile soul at the moment and I have realised I shouldn't have responded when I was upset.  Gee, I learnt that lesson before primary school 🙄...Hugs to you. K xo

[Kristine]

45 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

This is the preferred format:  Keep Notes on Paper

Thank you CC...will do. K

[Rosetta]

Thinking of you! -- R

[nz11]

Well we are all on the same team here so we are all wishing Kristine a safe journey off these drugs.

 

 

 

 

[ChessieCat]

These topics might be helpful:

 

Neuro Emotions

 

dealing-with-emotional-spirals

 

And in case you haven't seen this one:

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

[JS11]

17 hours ago, Kristine said:

Hey GS,  The anxiety has always been there.  Ranges in intensity.  At best it feels like a dull ache in my chest...at worst, it is beyond terror...want to rip my skin off, like a screaming agony which permeates every cell in my body, a raging lava.  The burning skin started in October 2017 after a 5mg drop of the 20mg of dexamphetamine.  

 

Hey K., 

Perfect description of anxiety.  I like the raging lava metaphor. Putting a picture to something can be helpful although I'd rather be an inactive volcano.

 

Are you on extended release dexampehtamine?  I ask, as when I tried to cross over from Adderall (similar I believe) extended release to regular release, all hell broke loose.  I was tapering two things not exactly concurrently, but reducing one, then two weeks later, the other.  Currently, I am holding at 5mg of the Extended Release form of Adderall.  Just curious.  Not that I am ready to tackle that one, yet.  

 

Hope you are able to enjoy your day.  The birds sound lovely.  Grey, overcast and blustery here.  Birds this a.m.  Haven't a clue what kind, probably sparrows and yes, crows too.  We don't have those tropical kind my way.  Only at the pet store.

 

take care my friend,

JS

[Kristine]

2 hours ago, nz11 said:

Well we are all on the same team here so we are all wishing Kristine a safe journey off these drugs.

Hey NZ,  Thank you.  I think it is important to clear the muddy waters and explain why I reacted the way I did.  I can cope with criticism...as long as it is constructive and the criticism is based on accurate information.  What you said was not accurate.....

On 03/02/2018 at 7:28 PM, nz11 said:

 

You say that you will 'suffer the consequences' and you 'have suffered wdl for two years now' 

No disrespect but your drug sig reveals that up to now you haven't been able to suffer the consequences  which is why there is a continuous reaching out for drugs to relieve the previous fast taper. What do you think has changed this time round. You say you have suffered wdl for two years now but that is with a large dose of Prozac to cover them so it could be that what you were suffering was the tip of the masked iceburg.

In October 2015 citalopram 40mg was ceased over one week.  I wanted off these drugs. For good.  This was during an admission on a psyc ward.  I had been on this medication for approximately 5 years (also another 12medications..over 8 years... which are not listed in my signature) .  I knew it would be tough, but at the time I didn't understand (or know about) protracted wd syndrome.  

 

For over three months I was medication free.  I was doing everything I could to take care of my mental health...exercise, sun, therapy, acupuncture, naturopath appointments, supplements, meditation, massage...also during this time my husband was away for 3 months due to work.  Well, I continued to get sicker (what a surprise). I don't need to go into the gory details..to be honest it's traumatic to think about.  What is important to realise, is back then I was ignorant and I believed I was having yet another relapse.  This was of course confirmed by my psychiatrist.  I desperately did not want to take anymore drugs.  However,  after 3 months drug free I was sicker than ever before...so l thought "I must need these drugs"......"I am mentally ill"....."I am suicidal"....This is when Parnate was prescribed (my first MAOI)...I believe I had a bad reaction to this medication...I got sicker...the dose was increased...sicker...I wanted to die.  I was so incapacitated.  Enter Dr *** and another psyc ward admission...and another 14 medications...sicker....I was so ridiculously vulnerable...honestly I look back and can't recognise that girl.  Given 15 treatments of ECT...sicker...sicker....gradually I have taken back my life.  Everyday I suffer (emotional and physical) I just don't write about it everyday on SA.  

 

So for me It is not just wd but the major drug interactions and consequential side effects.  I am lucky to be alive.  

 

You asked.....what do I think has changed this time around?  The answer is, in essence, quite simple.  Now I know what is happening to me.  Knowledge is power.  I know it is the drugs and not me...not the core of who I am.  That is extremely comforting and empowering.  It gives me an enormous amount of strength, acceptance and hope. 

 

There is no doubt that the Prozac is numbing me.  I know this.  However, i find it impossible to decipher all the effects and interactions of these drugs. And all the effects of all the many drugs that were abruptly ceased.  Also, I have been on Prozac for one year not two.

 

So, what you said hurt.  I felt disempowered, because your words made me feel unheard, misunderstood and my pain trivialised.

 

I like you nz...you are a caring and passionate soul.  You are doing all you can to help change this ongoing crisis of psychiatric mayhem.  I admire and applaud you.  Sometimes your words (not just on my thread) hurt people and can exacerbate their symptoms.  Some members have not returned after your comments..  Everyone on this forum is at a different stage of this horrible journey.  I believe timing also needs to be right.  I know that you "call it as you see it", which is great but it is not so great when you are speaking to a very vulnerable someone, who you can't see, and there is the possibility that one of your abrasive comments could push someone over the edge.  This is what was at the core of my knee jerk, defensive, emotional reaction to your post..it wasn't just about that one post...as you can see it was much more complicated.

 

I hope you can have a think about this and understand where I am coming from.  I hope I haven't  offended or hurt you in anyway. I guess I'm trying to rebuild the broken bridge. 

 

Big hugs to to you NZ.  K 🌻

 

 

[JustCallMeJane]

Hugs hun