Kristine: not alone

[Kristine]

3 hours ago, Rosetta said:

Your words could never be inadequate, Kristine, never.  Thank you so very much.

xox

[Kristine]

1 hour ago, Longestroadhome said:

The depression feeling is quite debilitating in itself. I can never decide which is worse, anxiety or depression. Of course when I am suffering from one the other seems like a better option! 

 

I hope the the nausea stays away. And I hope the depression buggers off too. 

 

Take care sweer K ❤️

Thank you LRH...I'm usually hit with both within a 24hour period.  In general the anxiety intensifies between 11am -5pm then gradually eases.  I'm fairly positive the dexamphetamine in one of the culprits.  That psychiatrist put me on 20mg daily to treat debilitating fatigue. Another drug prescribed to counteract the side effects and interactions of the cocktail he put me on.  Sorry lovely, feeling peeved and ranting! Love to you xo

[Downbutnotout]

6 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Thank you D...I'm so disconnected from the world I didn't even realise the Winter Olympics had started 😳

 I was so inspired a couple of years ago that I went skating with my young friend. I fell a lot of times. I’d only Ive skated a couple of times beforehand that was only a couple of years ago. 

[JustCallMeJane]

Hi hun. Just stopping in to give you hugs and prayers. Sorry the anxiety & depression are hitting so hard. 

[Kristine]

20 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

 I was so inspired a couple of years ago that I went skating with my young friend. I fell a lot of times. I’d only Ive skated a couple of times beforehand that was only a couple of years ago. 

I used to love iceskating as a kid! Maybe you could give it another go! It is an invigorating feeling gliding across the ice even if you do fall and get a wet behind! Love K xo

[Kristine]

6 hours ago, JustCallMeJane said:

Hi hun. Just stopping in to give you hugs and prayers. Sorry the anxiety & depression are hitting so hard. 

Thank you Jane  I'm hoping no news is good news in your neck of the woods  xo

[Downbutnotout]

13 minutes ago, Kristine said:

I used to love iceskating as a kid! Maybe you could give it another go! It is an invigorating feeling gliding across the ice even if you do fall and get a wet behind! Love K xo

I’m too old to fall on my rear. AT this point, I’m lucky if I get out of the house.  I haven’t had the best  day. I I fell apart. How are you feeling? I hope better. 

[Kristine]

Hey D,  I'm sorry 😞 In the past 3 months I've left the house approx 10 times. That's including a trip to the hospital for surgery. Not great. But I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I'm extremely limited in my capabilities.  But each day changes and improves in one area.  For example, I'm greatful if my muscular pain has deceased...or if my anxiety isn't raging.  What do you mean by "fell apart"? K xo

[Downbutnotout]

19 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Hey D,  I'm sorry 😞 In the past 3 months I've left the house approx 10 times. That's including a trip to the hospital for surgery. Not great. But I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I'm extremely limited in my capabilities.  But each day changes and improves in one area.  For example, I'm greatful if my muscular pain has deceased...or if my anxiety isn't raging.  What do you mean by "fell apart"? K xo

I raged a little. Stuff I was doing when I took buspar. I felt like biting my hand, but didn’t. I screamed. This was all stuff I did when I took buspar. I though about hurting myself.  I never did any of this before I took buspar. Never. I ‘m all worked up on redoing the tms. Yesterday, I read about it and noted that most people have to do it a zillion times, and it works up anxiety. I’m sure they’re just redoing it out of curiosity. And to get the money from the insurance. It looks like a huge scam. There are clinics popping up everywhere. They couldn’t find the motor threshold last time. I was sold a bill of goods, and I bought it. I saw it as my “last chance.” I feel like I was led down the garden path on this. I feel like a fool. Then, I worry if this depression is ever going to lift. I feel like I should be doing more than I’m doing. I don’t know how you keep yourself level. You sound like the most mentally balanced person around.  I’m still looking for a pill to help me or something else. I did buy into this for many years. I wish I could still believe it. I feel so miserable all the time. I didn’t used to be like this. Really. I was happy. 

[Kristine]

2 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

I raged a little. Stuff I was doing when I took buspar. I felt like biting my hand, but didn’t. I screamed. This was all stuff I did when I took buspar. I though about hurting myself.  I never did any of this before I took buspar. Never. I ‘m all worked up on redoing the tms. Yesterday, I read about it and noted that most people have to do it a zillion times, and it works up anxiety. I’m sure they’re just redoing it out of curiosity. And to get the money from the insurance. It looks like a huge scam. There are clinics popping up everywhere. They couldn’t find the motor threshold last time. I was sold a bill of goods, and I bought it. I saw it as my “last chance.” I feel like I was led down the garden path on this. I feel like a fool. 

These feelings are awful and frightening.  I had similar experiences when I was CT off Effexor and put on another AD.  That was 10 years ago.  I was also on xanax at that time.  From my experience I know these drugs and other treatments have caused more harm than good.  I felt the TMS was a waste of time and money.  For each treatment cycle was 20 sessions of 30minutes each.  At times I felt a bit better...but it didn't last and I think it was a placebo effect because I so desperately wanted something to work.  It felt like a giant woodpecker was hammering on my scull and I usually ended up with a headache.  However, I have met people who swear by it and have regular "maintenance TMS"....so your right it doesn't last....I also feel like a fool sometimes. But we are not fools D. Love K xo

[Kristine]

18 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

Then, I worry if this depression is ever going to lift. I feel like I should be doing more than I’m doing. I don’t know how you keep yourself level. You sound like the most mentally balanced person around.  I’m still looking for a pill to help me or something else. I did buy into this for many years. I wish I could still believe it. I feel so miserable all the time. I didn’t used to be like this. Really. I was happy. 

Sorry D I didn't see this bit, you must have just edited it in...I have to go and get my blood taken (going out!) and pick up the new fluoxetine script...I'll get back to you when I get back. Love K 

[Downbutnotout]

8 minutes ago, Kristine said:

These feelings are awful and frightening.  I had similar experiences when I was CT off Effexor and put on another AD.  That was 10 years ago.  I was also on xanax at that time.  From my experience I know these drugs and other treatments have caused more harm than good.  I felt the TMS was a waste of time and money.  For each treatment cycle was 20 sessions of 30minutes each.  At times I felt a bit better...but it didn't last and I think it was a placebo effect because I so desperately wanted something to work.  It felt like a giant woodpecker was hammering on my scull and I usually ended up with a headache.  However, I have met people who swear by it and have regular "maintenance TMS"....so your right it doesn't last....I also feel like a fool sometimes. But we are not fools D. Love K xo

Thanks. I shouldn’t burden you when you are not feeling well. I am so into my own self. I can’t think of others. Signs of what’s wrong with me. 

[Downbutnotout]

6 minutes ago, Longestroadhome said:

Reading what you said about Buspar made me glad that I couldn’t get it here in Australia. I researched it and went to my doctor to get a script. He reluctantly agreed. But no pharmacist here stocked it. I don’t know why. 

It doesn’t do that to most people. Very few.  I am highly unusual.  Buspar did not agree with me! I don’t know if I can come back from this. I don’t believe what I’m going through is all about ad withdrawal. I think I am so used to this medicine that it really is impossible for me to function without it. I also have a big history of depression episodes. I’ve had a least 5 serious ones. It’s not just a little mood disorder, and it runs in my family.  I did function pretty well for many years with the ad, efffexor. Maybe the placebo effect. I’m very regretful that I took myself off of it at breakneck speed 3 years ago. I really messed everything up when I did that. Then the doc finished it off when she did it even faster. Maybe that’s why the buspar effected me the way it did. I was already sensitized. 

[Downbutnotout]

1 hour ago, Longestroadhome said:

Reading what you said about Buspar made me glad that I couldn’t get it here in Australia. I researched it and went to my doctor to get a script. He reluctantly agreed. But no pharmacist here stocked it. I don’t know why. 

 

Depression on is a new thing for me. I spent all weekend wondering what life was all about. Social media doesn’t help. I think I won the award for the most boring life!

I’d take boring for what I’ve been experiencing the last 8 months. Be glad it’s a new thing for you. I hope you have success and get away from these drugs while you’re still young. A big regret for me. 

[Kristine]

4 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

I raged a little. Stuff I was doing when I took buspar. I felt like biting my hand, but didn’t. I screamed. This was all stuff I did when I took buspar. I though about hurting myself.  I never did any of this before I took buspar. Never. I ‘m all worked up on redoing the tms. Yesterday, I read about it and noted that most people have to do it a zillion times, and it works up anxiety. I’m sure they’re just redoing it out of curiosity. And to get the money from the insurance. It looks like a huge scam. There are clinics popping up everywhere. They couldn’t find the motor threshold last time. I was sold a bill of goods, and I bought it. I saw it as my “last chance.” I feel like I was led down the garden path on this. I feel like a fool. Then, I worry if this depression is ever going to lift. I feel like I should be doing more than I’m doing.

Hey D,  From my own experience I've had to strip back layers of my pain to get to the root cause of the problem.  There is a tendency in our western society to focus on the symptom first and then treat that symptom.  I would say that most if not all symptoms have a cause.  In western medicine the cause is rarely the first issue to be addressed.  Sometimes it is ignored.  To me we have things backwards....by all means treat the symptom, but if the cause is not immediately addressed and dealt with, no amount of medication or treatments will "cure" the symptom. At least not in the long term. Treating the cause is often time consuming and takes effort.  This is where we need to take responsibility for our lives.  Take back control and not rely on others to fix us.  There are many examples of this...type 2 diabetes, heart attack, high blood pressure, high cholesterol (I could go on)....I believe the same applies for depression....yes, there is a possibility it has a genetic component but this is not proven.  I guess my point is...depression is the symptom...but what is it's cause?  I've had to face the causes of my depression and learn constructive ways to cope.  Medication was/is a numbing bandaid.  Also I've made tough choices to change my life and protect myself from people who have continually hurt me.  I read once that "life is difficult, the sooner you realise this, the easier it becomes" (the road less travelled).  

 

4 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

. I don’t know how you keep yourself level. You sound like the most mentally balanced person around.  I’m still looking for a pill to help me or something else

I see my metal health as my full time job.  I have a responsibility to myself and my family to keep going and to be grateful for what I have.  In October 2015 I attempted to end my life.  I will be eternally grateful that I did not succeed.  This was a big wake up call.  I still feel pain for hurting my family but I have forgiven myself.  I feel more mentally balanced now than I ever have in my entire life.   I'm not perfect, far from it...but at least I now know I am in control of me.

 

Not it sure if that helps D...I hope so. Love and hugs. K xo

[Downbutnotout]

59 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Hey D,  From my own experience I've had to strip back layers of my pain to get to the root cause of the problem.  There is a tendency in our western society to focus on the symptom first and then treat that symptom.  I would say that most if not all symptoms have a cause.  In western medicine the cause is rarely the first issue to be addressed.  Sometimes it is ignored.  To me we have things backwards....by all means treat the symptom, but if the cause is not immediately addressed and dealt with, no amount of medication or treatments will "cure" the symptom. At least not in the long term. Treating the cause is often time consuming and takes effort.  This is where we need to take responsibility for our lives.  Take back control and not rely on others to fix us.  There are many examples of this...type 2 diabetes, heart attack, high blood pressure, high cholesterol (I could go on)....I believe the same applies for depression....yes, there is a possibility it has a genetic component but this is not proven.  I guess my point is...depression is the symptom...but what is it's cause?  I've had to face the causes of my depression and learn constructive ways to cope.  Medication was/is a numbing bandaid.  Also I've made tough choices to change my life and protect myself from people who have continually hurt me.  I read once that "life is difficult, the sooner you realise it the easier it becomes" (the road less travelled).  

 

I see my metal health as my full time job.  I have a responsibility to myself and my family to keep going and to be grateful for what I have.  In October 2015 I attempted to end my life.  I will be eternally grateful that I did not succeed.  This was a big wake up call.  I still feel pain for hurting my family but I have forgiven myself.  I feel more mentally balanced now than I ever have in my entire life.   I'm not perfect, far from it...but at least I now know I am in control of me.

 

Not it sure if that helps D...I hope so. Love and hugs. K xo

Absolutely right. I wish I would’ve read this 20 years ago. I am now worried I may have something else wrong with me. Living with this horrible depression for 8 months is not helping my brain. I’m really worried that taking away effexor at this point is doing damage. My brain was very used to it. Yanking it out was definitely harmful. I’m glad you are finding your way out of this, and you have control of your life. I think your answer to me might really help other people.  I am on the last years of my life, and hope to enjoy it someday soon. I’m robbing my husband and I of our golden years. We were doing so much better 8 months ago. I wish I could go back. I’m sure you will come out of this in top form. I’m glad it’s not too late for you. I’m glad you did not succeed in ending your life. You are an amazing person. If nothing else, I’m glad I got to know you on this site. 

[Kristine]

9 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

Absolutely right. I wish I would’ve read this 20 years ago. I am now worried I may have something else wrong with me. Living with this horrible depression for 8 months is not helping my brain. I’m really worried that taking away effexor at this point is doing damage. My brain was very used to it. Yanking it out was definitely harmful. I’m glad you are finding your way out of this, and you have control of your life. I think your answer to me might really help other people.  I am on the last years of my life, and hope to enjoy it someday soon. I’m robbing my husband and I of our golden years. We were doing so much better 8 months ago. I wish I could go back. I’m sure you will come out of this in top form. I’m glad it’s not too late for you. You are an amazing person. If nothing else, I’m glad I got to know you on this site. 

D, if I thought of all the potential damage to my brian from all these medications and the ECT I would very easily go crazy. Lord, I am unable to drive.  Please try not to catastrophize.  We have talked about acceptance before, I think this is important to free the mind of useless thought processes.  Mind you I do have useless thought processes!!!  And I react badly at times...but it is improving.  I do however anticipate that my situation will get much worse before it gets better (still 3 Meds to taper).  I don't think for a moment you will not get through this...but it is you that needs to believe.  Love K xo

[Downbutnotout]

3 minutes ago, Kristine said:

D, if I thought of all the potential damage to my brian from all these medications and the ECT I would very easily go crazy. Lord, I am unable to drive.  Please try not to catastrophize.  We have talked about acceptance before, I think this is important to free the mind of useless thought processes.  Mind you I do have useless thought processes!!!  And I react badly at times...but it is improving.  I do however anticipate that my situation will get much worse before it gets better (still 3 Meds to taper).  I don't think for a moment you will not get through this...but it is you that needs to believe.  Love K xo

Aw you’re a real sweetheart. You should be know as the taper queen. 

[Kristine]

7 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

Aw you’re a real sweetheart. You should be know as the taper queen. 

Lol...not really..non of my cuts have been 10% at this stage! I'm not exactly a good example! 

[Downbutnotout]

48 minutes ago, Kristine said:

D, if I thought of all the potential damage to my brian from all these medications and the ECT I would very easily go crazy. Lord, I am unable to drive.  Please try not to catastrophize.  We have talked about acceptance before, I think this is important to free the mind of useless thought processes.  Mind you I do have useless thought processes!!!  And I react badly at times...but it is improving.  I do however anticipate that my situation will get much worse before it gets better (still 3 Meds to taper).  I don't think for a moment you will not get through this...but it is you that needs to believe.  Love K xo

You have my sons name in your post. He did that all the time.

[Downbutnotout]

34 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Lol...not really..non of my cuts have been 10% at this stage! I'm not exactly a good example! 

I’ve never even tapered at all! 

[Kristine]

8 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

You have my sons name in your post. He did that all the time.

I've got major brain fog!...I've been trying to understand? I think you need to spell it out to me!

[Downbutnotout]

15 minutes ago, Kristine said:

I've got major brain fog!...I've been trying to understand? I think you need to spell it out to me!

He used to do that all the time. Brain Brian I just thought it was funny. 

[Kristine]

50 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

He used to do that all the time. Brain Brian I just thought it was funny. 

Ahhhh! Lol! Got it  

[Kristine]

48 minutes ago, Longestroadhome said:

Thank you K I really needed to hear that today 😘

Your welcome LRH...I was reading it again and was doubting if it made any sense!  Particularly as I referred to my 'brain' as 'Brian'...I'm so happy D pointed it out! Told my son, who keeps asking "hey mum, how's your Brian"  love K xo

[nz11]

On ‎5‎/‎02‎/‎2018 at 12:13 PM, Kristine said:

Some members have not returned after your comments..

!!

Well this is unsubstantiated you have given no evidence for this. 

Okay i give up, name not some but one member who has not returned because of a comment by me and i'll humbly apologise to the house if not then this would then be a false allegation. And a rather poisonous one at that. 

 

nz11

Some people say knowledge is power.

Others say only applied knowledge is power.

 

[Kristine]

On 05/02/2018 at 10:13 AM, Kristine said:

 

On 05/02/2018 at 8:00 AM, nz11 said:

Well we are all on the same team here so we are all wishing Kristine a safe journey off these drugs.

Hey NZ,  Thank you.  I think it is important to clear the muddy waters and explain why I reacted the way I did.  I can cope with criticism...as long as it is constructive and the criticism is based on accurate information.  What you said was not accurate.....

On 03/02/2018 at 7:28 PM, nz11 said:

 

You say that you will 'suffer the consequences' and you 'have suffered wdl for two years now' 

No disrespect but your drug sig reveals that up to now you haven't been able to suffer the consequences  which is why there is a continuous reaching out for drugs to relieve the previous fast taper. What do you think has changed this time round. You say you have suffered wdl for two years now but that is with a large dose of Prozac to cover them so it could be that what you were suffering was the tip of the masked iceburg.

In October 2015 citalopram 40mg was ceased over one week.  I wanted off these drugs. For good.  This was during an admission on a psyc ward.  I had been on this medication for approximately 5 years (also another 12medications..over 8 years... which are not listed in my signature) .  I knew it would be tough, but at the time I didn't understand (or know about) protracted wd syndrome.  

 

For over three months I was medication free.  I was doing everything I could to take care of my mental health...exercise, sun, therapy, acupuncture, naturopath appointments, supplements, meditation, massage...also during this time my husband was away for 3 months due to work.  Well, I continued to get sicker (what a surprise). I don't need to go into the gory details..to be honest it's traumatic to think about.  What is important to realise, is back then I was ignorant and I believed I was having yet another relapse.  This was of course confirmed by my psychiatrist.  I desperately did not want to take anymore drugs.  However,  after 3 months drug free I was sicker than ever before...so l thought "I must need these drugs"......"I am mentally ill"....."I am suicidal"....This is when Parnate was prescribed (my first MAOI)...I believe I had a bad reaction to this medication...I got sicker...the dose was increased...sicker...I wanted to die.  I was so incapacitated.  Enter Dr *** and another psyc ward admission...and another 14 medications...sicker....I was so ridiculously vulnerable...honestly I look back and can't recognise that girl.  Given 15 treatments of ECT...sicker...sicker....gradually I have taken back my life.  Everyday I suffer (emotional and physical) I just don't write about it everyday on SA.  

 

So for me It is not just wd but the major drug interactions and consequential side effects.  I am lucky to be alive.  

 

You asked.....what do I think has changed this time around?  The answer is, in essence, quite simple.  Now I know what is happening to me.  Knowledge is power.  I know it is the drugs and not me...not the core of who I am.  That is extremely comforting and empowering.  It gives me an enormous amount of strength, acceptance and hope. 

 

There is no doubt that the Prozac is numbing me.  I know this.  However, i find it impossible to decipher all the effects and interactions of these drugs. And all the effects of all the many drugs that were abruptly ceased.  Also, I have been on Prozac for one year not two.

 

So, what you said hurt.  I felt disempowered, because your words made me feel unheard, misunderstood and my pain trivialised.

 

I like you nz...you are a caring and passionate soul.  You are doing all you can to help change this ongoing crisis of psychiatric mayhem.  I admire and applaud you.  Sometimes your words (not just on my thread) hurt people and can exacerbate their symptoms.  Some members have not returned after your comments..  Everyone on this forum is at a different stage of this horrible journey.  I believe timing also needs to be right.  I know that you "call it as you see it", which is great but it is not so great when you are speaking to a very vulnerable someone, who you can't see, and there is the possibility that one of your abrasive comments could push someone over the edge.  This is what was at the core of my knee jerk, defensive, emotional reaction to your post..it wasn't just about that one post...as you can see it was much more complicated.

 

I hope you can have a think about this and understand where I am coming from.  I hope I haven't  offended or hurt you in anyway. I guess I'm trying to rebuild the broken bridge. 

 

Big hugs to to you NZ.  K 🌻

 

 

 

 

38 minutes ago, nz11 said:

 

On 05/02/2018 at 10:13 AM, Kristine said:

Some members have not returned after your comments..

!!

Well this is unsubstantiated you have given no evidence for this. 

Okay i give up, name not some but one member who has not returned because of a comment by me and i'll humbly apologise to the house if not then this would then be a false allegation. And a rather poisonous one at that. 

 

nz11

Some people say knowledge is power.

Others say only applied knowledge is power.

 

 

One member? Richard 

I am not a poisonous person

after this I am very close to leaving myself.  After reading this I have broken down.  Please leave me alone.

[JanCarol]

Hey K!

 

On 29/01/2018 at 11:11 AM, Kristine said:

 Maybe I should see a chronic fatigue specialist

 

They are most likely to put you on antidepressants...  (sad, but true)

 

On 31/01/2018 at 9:31 AM, Kristine said:

Major

fluoxetine  dextroamphetamine

 

Holy moly!  What kind of doctors do this to people?

 

The Julia Brennan song reminds me of a Zen story.

 

A Zen master was making tea, when the demons came to the door.  There were 3 of them, and they were her worst fears.  So she put the pot on the stove.

 

They started wailing and screaming and gnashing, so she started to grind the spices for the tea.

 

They couldn't believe they were being ignored, so they started shaking the walls, screaming and howling total destruction.

 

So she poured the water over the tea and spices.

 

This drove the demons mad with rage and they howled at her:  "Do you not feel our power?  How can you ignore the fear we bring to you?"

 

She laid out 4 cups and started pouring the tea.  She said, "You have been here before, and you will come again.  You may as well join me for tea."

 

 

[Downbutnotout]

17 hours ago, Kristine said:

Lol...not really..non of my cuts have been 10% at this stage! I'm not exactly a good example! 

I am doing the Tms tryout tomorrow. However, I feel like I have serious brain damage. I am not able to function . I tried playing a game if majong today and gave everyone the winning tiles. I could not concentrate. I am starting to really get worried about my brain function. Plus being very depressed and dysfunctional I think they did some serious damage with these drugs. Do other people experience this? Should I reinstate my Effexor. I’m starting to wonder if going off this medication did damage. I can’t go around with half a brain. 

[Downbutnotout]

4 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

I am doing the Tms tryout tomorrow. However, I feel like I have serious brain damage. I am not able to function . I tried playing a game if majong today and gave everyone the winning tiles. Nobody wants to play with me because I get so confused easily.  I could not concentrate. I am starting to really get worried about my brain function. Plus being very depressed and dysfunctional I think they did some serious damage with these drugs. Do other people experience this? Should I reinstate my Effexor. I’m starting to wonder if going off this medication did damage. I can’t go around with half a brain. I think because I did not take years to get off my effexor, I am messed up forever. I am feeling more and more resigned to the fact that I will never be myself again. I should not be seeing those people tomorrow who messed me up in the first place. How stupid can I be? I know they will try to sell me ect. 

 

[Kristine]

19 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

5 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

I am doing the Tms tryout tomorrow. However, I feel like I have serious brain damage. I am not able to function . I tried playing a game if majong today and gave everyone the winning tiles. Nobody wants to play with me because I get so confused easily.  I could not concentrate. I am starting to really get worried about my brain function. Plus being very depressed and dysfunctional I think they did some serious damage with these drugs. Do other people experience this? Should I reinstate my Effexor. I’m starting to wonder if going off this medication did damage. I can’t go around with half a brain. I think because I did not take years to get off my effexor, I am messed up forever. I am feeling more and more resigned to the fact that I will never be myself again. I should not be seeing those people tomorrow who messed me up in the first place. How stupid can I be? I know they will try to sell me ect. 

 

Dearest D,  I am in a very bad space at the moment.  Just trying to survive.  Would you mind posting the above on your thread because I'm hoping others will have some words of wisdom. At this point in time I am unable. My apologies D. Love K xo

[Downbutnotout]

7 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Dearest D,  I am in a very bad space at the moment.  Just trying to survive.  Would you mind posting the above on your thread because I'm hoping others will have some words of wisdom. At this point in time I am unable. My apologies D. Love K xo

I am so sorry. I didn’t know this was on your thread. 

[wantrelief]

1 hour ago, Kristine said:

Dearest D,  I am in a very bad space at the moment.  Just trying to survive.  Would you mind posting the above on your thread because I'm hoping others will have some words of wisdom. At this point in time I am unable. My apologies D. Love K xo

I am so sorry you are not doing well, Kristine....in survival mode as you so aptly put it.  I just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you and hoping you get to a better place very soon.  

[manymoretodays]

Hi Kristine,

And hugs and the tea of your choice in your favorite cuppa.  I last left off where you had said you had a hard time putting all your symptoms out here, on line I think you meant.  I often had a hard time just putting them anywhere........during the worst of them.  So I think I get that.  For me anyway........it just made them worse, especially as far as the downer/negative thinking neuroemotions.

Feel free to just post some happy stuff if it helps.  And certainly do the best you can with some basic self care.  Hygiene.......just a bit.  Eating.......best you can.

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

mmt

[Kristine]

14 hours ago, JanCarol said:

The Julia Brennan song reminds me of a Zen story.

 

A Zen master was making tea, when the demons came to the door.  There were 3 of them, and they were her worst fears.  So she put the pot on the stove.

 

They started wailing and screaming and gnashing, so she started to grind the spices for the tea.

 

They couldn't believe they were being ignored, so they started shaking the walls, screaming and howling total destruction.

 

So she poured the water over the tea and spices.

 

This drove the demons mad with rage and they howled at her:  "Do you not feel our power?  How can you ignore the fear we bring to you?"

 

She laid out 4 cups and started pouring the tea.  She said, "You have been here before, and you will come again.  You may as well join me for tea."

Thank you for this JC. It is really quite beautiful.  My demons are the anxiety that rips my insides to shreads.  But over the years I have learnt to acknowledge its presence, give it room and breath through the pain...it subsides.  No more attention that that.  So this Zen story I will remember always.  You're a sweetheart. K xo

[Altostrata]

Kristine, I appreciate you considered all aspects of your situation before deciding on a 50% reduction.

 

Ordinarily, we put a lot of effort into counseling people not to make dramatic changes, but in the last analysis, you know your body and your reactions best and it's up to you to decide what to do. In cases where adverse effects are severe, larger reductions can be justified.

 

I am also glad this relieved some of your symptoms, which did appear to be excess serotonicity short of serotonin syndrome.

 

On 2/8/2018 at 11:21 PM, Kristine said:

Update: Just returned from appointment with my GP.  She is a doctor that listens.  She is supportive of me tapering. Tried to keep my composure but unable to keep the tears back.  Turns out the psyc who polydrugged me never informed her of the 14 medications he prescribed.  In my original post I wrote it was over a one year period...it was in fact 10months.  Anyway, long story short...she wrote a script for...

• Prozac 20mg Dispersible Tablets (they dissolve in water)

Is anyone familiar with this form of Prozac (fluoxetine)?  I don't intend on tapering for a while but wanted to get organised.  Also will have my blood taken tomorrow. 

Love to you all. K xo

 

 

This must be a new form. People using dispersible tablets of other drugs easily make liquids from them. This selection from a pharma tech manual indicates a liquid made from Prozac tablets would last for weeks.

 

The dispersible tablets are scored, indicating they are intended to be split.

 

However, as you're taking 20mg Prozac now, you might do better transitioning to liquid with 10mg capsules or half a dispersible tablet plus liquid. In the US, to get two forms of drug covered by insurance, the doctor would have to write the prescription as divided doses in non-standard dosages, such as "10mg in a.m., 8mg in p.m." Otherwise, the insurance company will insist that the patient take a cheaper 20mg capsule or two 10mg capsules in divided doses.

 

On 2/10/2018 at 5:24 PM, Kristine said:

Thank you LRH...I'm usually hit with both within a 24hour period.  In general the anxiety intensifies between 11am -5pm then gradually eases.  I'm fairly positive the dexamphetamine in one of the culprits.  That psychiatrist put me on 20mg daily to treat debilitating fatigue. Another drug prescribed to counteract the side effects and interactions of the cocktail he put me on.  Sorry lovely, feeling peeved and ranting! Love to you xo

 

Kristine, from your symptom pattern, I suspect the dexamphetamine also.

 

Since you reduced your Prozac dose on Jan 31, given Prozac's long half-life, it's taken a while for your system to feel the full effect of the reduction. It may very well be that with the Prozac halved, your system has to make a different adjustment to the other drugs you're taking. That's how I'd interpret the nausea -- something that wasn't bothering you before is now hitting your system harder. The timing suggests the dexamphetamine.

 

This unsettled adjustment period might be ongoing for another couple of weeks or so, allowing for the excess 20mg Prozac to be fully metabolized out of your body and the level of Prozac in your bloodstream to stabilize based on 20mg daily rather than 40mg daily.

 

In addition, you might have become more sensitive to the dexamphetamine because of the upset from the Prozac reduction.

 

What is your symptom pattern now? Does anything tend to happen at the same time each day over several days? An account showing when you take your drugs interleaved with symptoms and any other germane information would be helpful.