Nikki: hi, my rundown with ADs

[Nikki]

The minor wd symptoms are gone.  I am amazed and pleased.  Keeping fingers crossed.

 

Rhi do you remember a long time back we conversed about how much better you started to feel as you got slowly off Celexa?

Maybe that is what this is.  It's been about 10 days now at 25mgs.  I wonder if for you and I this is the type of drug which our bodies are better off without and that is why it isn't so bad.

 

About ten year ago, there was this school of thought on another website and amongst doctors saying that if you got off a drug with no problems, you didn't need it. It was like taking a placebo.

 

And the other idea was, if it was difficult to get off of, then you really needed it.

 

How does anyone know this.

 

This is going back awhile.....I just remembered it.

[Jemima]

The minor wd symptoms are gone.  I am amazed and pleased.  Keeping fingers crossed.

 

Rhi do you remember a long time back we conversed about how much better you started to feel as you got slowly off Celexa?

Maybe that is what this is.  It's been about 10 days now at 25mgs.  I wonder if for you and I this is the type of drug which our bodies are better off without and that is why it isn't so bad.

 

 

 

Please keep the 10% rule in mind.  You've just dropped by 17% and that's probably okay at such a high dose, but please don't push it and end up feeling like crap.  Here's our topic on tapering by 10% if you haven't read it in a while:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1024-why-taper-by-10-of-my-dosage/

[Nikki]

For almost a year now I am in a chronic state of fatigue or tiredness.  I've had the Thyroid Tests done and they are normal.

 

If you don't mind I'd like to lay out what I do and hopefully find answers.

 

During the winter I worked 7 days a week.  At my business and at TJMaxx. 

 

My business which is cleaning, organizing, property watch and some pet sitting is physical.  I work, generally from Monday to Friday during the day.  Occasionally the pet sitting requires that last walk at night, so I can't go to bed.

 

TJMaxx, well I work in Jewelry most of the time.  It's busy and there is alot of talking, background music, just busy mentally.  TJMaxx is night work.  I go in at about 5 till closing and that can mean I come home at 10pm, and I am not tired I am hungry and wide awake.  Closing mean putting the store back together which is physical.

 

When I am home, or when I come home I need to straighten out my own house, laundry, dogs, and always cleaning up after my daughter.  She leaves the house a mess.  If I cook dinner I don't get out of the kitchen till after 7pm.

 

By Saturday morning I am very tired.  On Saturday morning at 9am I go to my Al-Anon Beach meeting which I love so much and then have brunch with my friends from the meeting. 

 

I live a few blocks away from the beach and I have not been able to spend a day at the beach because on Saturday I look forward to laying down, but that doesn't always happen because I have things to do.  Things meaning reponsiblities.

 

In the midst of this....I have to check in on my mother.  When she was in the hospital it meant visit every other day.

 

On the emotional end:  my daughter will begin a job, hopefully in the next two weeks.  Her being out of work recently was a tremendous financial drain as I paid her bills and put gas in her car.  Had to get her clothes for work. 

 

I have a wide range of emotions regarding my Mom.....she is at the end of her life and it makes me sad.  There are times when I get angry and resentful.  She is not an easy person to deal with.

My brother is in NJ and only comes here for a week or two in January.  Regardless, it think it is a grieving thing in advance.  Loss.

 

I am tapering Celexa.  I want to lose weight, and work at it but have an issue with sugar.  Sugar makes me tired.  My own worst enemy.

 

How do I get more sleep?  I have trouble falling alseep and when I do my daughter wakes me up coming home....the dogs bark, etc.  I wake up exhausted.

 

I only have off Saturday.  It's back to work at TJMaxx on Sunday night and I work there on Mondays.

I like the Friday paychecks, but maybe I need to stop working there or request one day working days only.

 

Any suggestions would be greatly welcomed.

 

Sincerely,

Dead Tired in Jupiter

 

 

[GiaK]

I have a post that responds to your question...it's a process...like everything else. Hang in there.

 

Here is the post:

 

Help for Insomnia 

http://wp.me/p5nnb-8Fd

 

there are lots of suggestions contained in that post...if you consider all of them and add the ones that resonate and make sense and practice them...(there are no instant solutions) you may find some easing...

[Nikki]

Hi Gia.... I clicked on the link and it said not found error o4....

 

Nikki

[GiaK]

hmmm...weird...there was some sort of extra character...I think I fixed it...and here it is again for you http://wp.me/p5nnb-8Fd

[Nikki]

GiaK  thank you.....have never had a Epson Salt Bath.  Meditation and Yoga, yep.

 

I realized today that I was worried over having a Mammogram and Ultrasound.  It never used to bother me that much when I was married because I had a safety net in a sense.  I didn't work, I knew my daughter would be taken care of, etc.

 

Now I am on my own and the fear from it was probably keeping me awake.  Was talking to my BFF and she said it keeps her awake for a month prior...

 

I had a scare last year.  Turned out to be a new cyst.  Doctor's office called this afternoon.  All is well...thank heavens.

 

GiaK I think I need to re-organize my life in terms of work ~ play ~ rest ~ exercise.  I work too much.  Hardly play, my work is actually exercise, but I prefer to power walk and go to the gym.  And REST....hard to come by on my schedule.  I need more sleep per night.

 

I have been thinking about selling this house and downsizing so there would be alot less for me to tend to.  I was cleaning two condos owned by friends/neighbors.  These condos are on the water in North Palm Beach.  I felt like I was in Key West.  The view was lovely and I realized how downsizing would be good for me.

 

Thank you so much for your link.  It was excellent.

 

Hugs

[Nikki]

Hi folks...

 

I am posting an update....it's been three week since I dropped the dose by 5mgs.  It wasn't bad at all.  (My experience, not suggesting this).

 

I do have morning anxiety and I feel 'heady' in the morning, maybe that is fogginess.  WD affects my recall. 

 

I can tell at this point in time what WD is vs. Life.  Both of them together requires tremendous perseverance.  Being busy helps.

Being around people helps.

 

And above all SLEEP would help. this is how I look when sleep deprived.  I swear.

 

Once I get on with my day I am okay.

 

If I eat junk, I feel like junk.  If I engage in negativity I feel negative.  If I don't sleep, I feel like a Zombie.  If I don't make an effort to see my friends I feel lonely.  When I procrastinate about paperwork I get anxious.

 

Have a lovely weekend

[MaryKA]

Cool, Nikki! Enjoy as much positiveness as you can get!

[flower]

Thinking of you Nikki.Would be nice to hear from you...

[Nikki]

How sweet Flower....thank you

 

I am doing fine.  I finally had two nights of sleep.  Tonight I did a shift at TJMaxx and it is now almost 11pm.  When I work there at night, I am wired and hungry when I get home and don't fall asleep until very late and then it's up at 6:30am to get to work in my business.

 

I am so grateful to be getting closer and closer to my goal with my business. I don't really need the job at TJMaxx.  I actually do like it there. 

 

I think it is time for me to take care of myself more.  I did what I had to do at the time.  Been there 9 months.  I really need two days off from work to recharge and have a bit of a life.

 

As far as the taper goes I am good.  I had very minor symptoms the worst was insomnia, and that has passed.  Fingers crossed.

 

Hope you are doing a bit better and thank you Katimet:)

[MaryKA]

Good news your taper is going quite smoothly. Let's hope it carries on with out many more hiccups

 

I couldn't run my business and do shop work shifts, OK, my business is freelance work so only I can do it, but it is full time, so I am glad that I do not have to do any other work as well. Give yourself a pat on the back!!

[tezza]

Hi Nikki,

 

I'm glad your taper is going well. It's great that the insomnia resolved. I hope it continues to go this way for you!

Hugs!!!

[Nikki]

Tezza, for me what I am noticing is that maybe this taper was okay but when there is stress, which there seems to be alot of, it brings me down.  Not the taper, the stress.

 

I thought, wow if the stress were gone or eased up I would actally feel good.

 

There are three stressors in my life,  my former spouse, how he mistreats my daughter (she has been out of work or about 5 weeks now and knowing that my mom is at the end of her life and so is my little chihuahua Ozzy).

 

Daughter and her father suck the life out of me.  It's a bad situation and it makes me very sad for her.

 

My business is growing, I have wonderful friends, I own my own home, no mortgage, I love Al-Anon meetings and my friends, Iive near the ocean, I have been trying to do alot of juicing to get healthier.  Good neighbors.  So there are things to be grateful for.

Love my dogs.  Live my life along spritual guidelines.

 

Just wish things had turned out differently with former spouse and his mistreatment of my daughter.  Rotten father.  I hope she can someday heal from all of this.

 

Hugs

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Hi Nikki,

 

Been thinking about you and realized I hadn't seen any postings lately. Caught up on your thread here and I hope you are doing well. I don't know why but just knowing you live in my state feels comforting....

 

I get such good memories when you speak about your 'beach meeting'. I used to go to the same kind (different 12-step tho) of thing when I lived in one of the beach communities in San Diego.

 

Cheers! (and I admire you for doing a slow taper!)

[tezza]

Hi Nikki, Been thinking about you and realized I hadn't seen any postings lately. Caught up on your thread here and I hope you are doing well. I don't know why but just knowing you live in my state feels comforting.... 

It is comforting for me when people here are near too, most of the time!

[Nikki]

Hi All....

 

I hope I can provide an encouraging note...

 

I haven't been on the site because I needed to see if I stayed in the 'positive' would I feel better.  The people on these boards suffer terribly with WD syndrome.  I know only too well what that is like.  I noticed in myself that upon reading posts I would start to have the "oh no" "what if" thoughts.

 

It is easy for me to go there as I am an obsessive thinker.  I decided to switch gears.  I think I was able to do this because this taper is not bad at all.  If it were I am sure I would be here several times a day looking for support and needing to vent.

 

I am down to 20mgs. of Celexa from the original 40mgs.  My drops have been in 5mg. cuts each time with a holding pattern of a few months in between.  I am very surprised that I am not having problems. 

 

I am at 40mgs. of Imipramine.

 

I am going to taper one drug at a time.

 

What has changed this time around:  I am in less of a state of fear.  Not about drugs, but about my life in general.

I have been reflecting on the last few years and there was tremendous fear and worry over major changes and disheartening issued that happened. I was on overload.  I woke up daily with dread which translated into morning anxiety.

 

I am starting to realize my goal of having a successful business and that is now a reality.  I feel more confident and trusting.

 

I finally got it  thru my head to 'let go' of things I can't change and try to keep the focus on me.

 

I have said this before.....For me, being busy is very good medicine.  I feel proactive rather then helpless.

 

I still have my sugar addiction and I am going to a workshop today which incorporate meditation and yoga to overcome addictions.  My daughter is doing well.  She is on Wellbutrin from Imipramine for depression and seems more settled.

 

Her father is still a lunatic, but I have noticed that when she has little contact with him, there is peace in her, me and my home.

 

There are other curve balls that come along.  I am jut finding my self talk or inner dialogue is better.  More compassionate and soothing.

 

I am not perfect.  This morning I am not feeling too good. Still have UTI issues. Sux.

 

Every morning I get up and read many positive affirmations and words of wisdom on my FB page and it helps.

When in the throes of WD it is virtually  impossible to do this.  So I know it is not an answer/solution for everyone.

 

I still have a long way to go in my taper.  For this first time in many years I think I may be able to live med free and if I can't, well I will cross that bridge when I get to it.

 

Symptoms during this taper:

Really strong forgetfullness - short term memory - names - finding words.  This scared me alot.

Speedy thoughts

Some insomnia

Agitation - not too bad, it passes

 

One last thing  ~ my doctor would not refill my prescription for HRT.  His contention is that if you had a hysterectomy all you need is estrogen.  Wrong. I have no cancer history in my family and the hormones help me alot.

 

He  Cold Turkeyed me and I was a wreck.  Just like doctors who tell patients to CT AD's, this lunatic did the same thing.  The results were terrible.

 

The psych nurse helped me out until I can find another physician (woman).

 

Cold turkey is not the answer for many. many drugs out there and doctors who practice this are not practicing good medicine.

 

Keep moving forward, believe in your inner strenght, reach out for help, practice faith and listen to your inner voice....

Praying for all of you.

 

Hugs

[Altostrata]

Very good news, Nikki, thank you.

 

I hope you told off that doctor who cold-turkeyed estrogen. That's a definite no-no.

[Nikki]

Alto it was estrogen/progesterone and testosterone......believe me there is major chemical reactions from a CT like that.

 

Hope all is well:)

[Rhiannon]

Nikki, you sound so great! Thanks for your positive and encouraging words and thoughts.

[Nikki]

Hi Rhi....nice to hear from you.  I really am okay.  Because and only because the taper has been uneventful can I practice the tools I've learned over the years which is a positive self talk, gratitude, reasoning things out from a calm place, prayer and meditation.

 

I am noticing that I am doing this more and more which is very good for me.

 

If this taper were like the Lexapro taper, nothing would work until I stabilized between cuts.  When there is such a deep chemical reaction, for me it had to work it's way out, when it was ready, not whenI was ready.  No amount of prayers, self talk or anything else worked.

 

I get it.  Been there, not there now, and grateful for that.

 

In looking back I don't think Celexa was such a wonderful drug for me.  It had a stimulating effect on me and as I get into lower doses I feel better.  I am sleeping deeply.

 

When there are good days, don't question it...just thank God.

 

Best wishes for everyone here.

[Nikki]

Spoke to soon.

 

Haven't been feeling well.  Extreme tiredness and anxiety is kicking up.

 

I am learning to aks myself "what am I not facing and what's going on?"

 

.  can't work the evening shift at TJMaxx even if it is for one night.  It sets off being tired the whole week.

when I get home at 10:30 I am not tired I am wired.  Can't fall asleep until 1-2am.  Get up the next

morning all messed up and I have to work at my business which is all physical.  The cycle of exhaustion

begins.

 

.  when I get this tired I spiral downward emotionally then fear sets in.  Is it the drop-in-dose? what is wrong with me? yada yada

 

.  my daughter was not working for the last 8 weeks and it was a financial drain. frustration and fear set in.

 

.  I am not facing sitting down to do mounds of paper work for my business.....procrastination causes anxiety.

 

.  the HRT cold turkey.  I feel better but I wonder if it takes some time to build up the hormones in the system?

 

 

Those are the issues now I need solutions....

 

My daughter started work this week

 

I am on hormones, and have found a women's group of OB/GYN and will have a hormone profile done.

 

The paperwork is an ongoing issue I have with myself.  I need to be tough on myself and just tackle it.

 

I made a decision and composed a letter to TJMaxx that I will only be available for work on Mondays - Day Shift only.

If that is a problem for them I am willing to let the job go.

 

I do have a doctor's appointment on Friday to make sure the UTI is gone...did the culture on Monday.  Want TSH T3 T4 done.

 

And for Celexa...I will not be making any drops in dose any time soon.  I think I may have reached a point where it has to be a slow taper from here on in.

 

I am my own worst enemy with being in a hurry, not having patience and not accepting things as  they are at the moment.

 

I know where I want to see myself.  Serene, content, financiall solvent, healthy emotionally and physically. A healthy weight and good health in general which starts with good choices in the kitchen.

 

NO SUGAR!

[Nikki]

My daughter has anxiety and she has been depressed.  There are reasons.  She went to a new Psychiatarist who prescribed Wellbutrin.

 

My first thought was "oh no".  Wellbutrin can exacerbate anxiety, and boy did it.

 

The poor kid was a wreck.  She was puking from the anxiety it was so bad.  Thank goodness it was a week and a half only.  She stopped, had to take Xanax and went back onto a small dose of Imipramine.

 

She was off Imipramine for a month or two and not expieriencing WD before taking Wellbutrin.

 

Off to see another doctor on Friday who we hope will know more than this last one.

 

Unbelievable

[Nikki]

Hip Hip Hooray

 

I thought about it and thought about it and journaled and spoke to friends, and meditated for guidance and finally decided to listen to my 'gut.'

 

I am grateful it came along when it did last year.  I don't need it anymore, and above all I know that I can't work my business and do that.  I was in a chronic state of fatigue, and folks there has got to be more to life than being a tired old bd of bones

 

I feel like a truck drove off my back

[compsports]

Congratulations Nikki. I know working there was weighing on you big time. I am really happy for you.

 

CS

[Nikki]

thank you CS....I meant to type bag of bones not bd of bones...LOL

 

I had been asking the scheduling manager to lessen my hours just to Mondays -- day shift only and she told me the store does not have a 'wish list'. 

 

The other employees who are really nice people encountered the same issue.  Overload employees who don't want the hours and cut back on people who do need the hours......HENCE, THE OCCUPY WALL STREET MOVEMENT.

 

We need an Occupy Florida Movement with these low paying jobs

[Nikki]

Hooray ~ today was my last shift at TJMaxx...  I started there a year ago for a little part time work.  It became more than a little.

 

Chronic state of fatigue working there at night and working my business during the day.

 

Did what I had to do and now I am done and it feels gooooooooooooooooooood

[tezza]

I'm happy for you, too, Nikki! You needed this break from that job. I wish you Godspeed with your business!

[areyouthere]

I'm happy for you, too, Nikki! You needed this break from that job. I wish you Godspeed with your business!

DITTO!! Yay Nikki!!!!  

[Nikki]

thanks

[Nikki]

Yesterday was the first Monday in a year that I didn't work.  I woke up with the usual AM anxiety and felt scared that I wasn't working.

 

I started to engage in self-doubt about the decision I made.  I made some phone calls to talk it over with trusted friends.

 

One of my friends is an Anesthiologist and I was telling him about anxiety and he told me that he has a few thoughts on it.

 

A chemical issue going on in the brain.  I told him I was decreasing Celexa....bingo

 

He said something that I wrote down....'anxiety is a culmination of traumas over the years'. I totally agree.  I made sense to me that giving up a job tied directly into the trauma of losing a job and just about everything else in 2009-10 and the struggle to get back on my feet.

 

The last few yeasrs have been the toughest and it still scares me.  Insecurity and fear.  Rebuilding and getting closer to a goal, but not yet being there.

 

I have said this before.  For me, the WD from Lexapro was traumatic.  I lost two years from my life to anxiety and depression.

 

Been wallowing in anxiety, however this is not anywhere near the WD that I had with Lexapro.

 

I try to be brave all the time, but deep down inside I am scared

[Barbarannamated]

I think this experience brings out the scared little girl (or boy) in all of us.

[Nikki]

Yep Bard....human little boys and girls.

 

Not doing well. 

 

Here is the problem:  Wake up with anxiety.  Can't get out of bed.  Waste alot of time focusing on how I feel instead of doing.

Wake up tired.  Do not wake ever feeling refreshed.  Sunday and Monday cried.  Start to eat sugar which only makes things worse.

Depression going on. My pattern.  And then I come on the site to vent.  Read, journal, post and the little gerbil in the wheel in my had goes round and round

 

What is the solution? 

 

Short range ~ get up, get into the shower, have coffee, make bed, dry hair, get dressed, then do some reading, journaling and more recovery stuff.

 

Long range ~ going to the doctor next week for hormone evaluation.  Can't get Internists to do appropriate thyroid testing.  Need to see Endocrinologist.  Stop eating sugar.

 

Long holds between smaller tapers.

 

My daughter told me my thinking is irrational and my life has become complicated by drugs.  Could be?

 

I feel like a mental disaster.

[tezza]

Nikki, I'm sorry this is happening. Maybe you could hold where you are and start to feel better.

 

BIG hugs and LOTSA love!

 

T

[Meimeiquest]

Nikki, I thought that was just normal life for withdrawal. Now you're scaring me!!

[Nikki]

Tezza and Meimquest.....

 

Today when I awoke the anxiety bout lifted.  I am not 100% but so much better.

 

When I get into that Chemical Anxiety Induced Place, I am all over the map.  I panic, I become desperate and nothing works.

Nothing.

 

It lifts when it lifts.

 

If this should happen again I pray that I can find it within myself to remind myself that 'this too shall pass'.  When we are in the thick of it, it doesn't feel like "it" will ever pass.

 

For me this is how it has been when changing doses.  I have terrible anxiety and I cry.  I feel like my mind is spinning 100 miles per hour with the brakes on.  It affects me in a bad way in the morning.  Takes me a long time to climb out of it.  I over-react.

And I obsess over the anxiety.  Not good.