hayduke: coming off olanzapine / Zyprexa

[hayduke]

Zero eh...followed my body's hunch a couple of weeks ago and touched down.  Lots of adjustment but feeling way better.  Tons of omega 3 and magnesium, rest and of course external stresses come up but my friends are great.  Therapy is remaining essential in my case, still gruelling but increasingly rewarding.  Getting there.

 

Digital detox is helping tons and helping my dopamine reset.  I'll be infrequent for a while but back down the road.

 

Sleeping well 6-7 hours and steady as she goes.

 

Thanks Alto and all you troopers.  Chat soon.

[hayduke]

PS physician and treating clinical psychologist are happy.  Estimating another month of therapy and convalescence.  Work search resumes soon now our quarantine is easing again.  Cheers

[BadMedicine]

Hey @hayduke. Congratulations on getting to zero and doing so well. It really is great news. Your story gives me real hope that when a taper is done conservatively, as yours was, that it is possible to get off this beast of a drug safely. I wish you continued improvement and a long, happy drug free life. You deserve it. Please do keep us updated in the future to how you’re doing. As many have said before you are an inspiration to many.

[Shane88L]

So glad to hear you're doing well Hayduke  
Kind wishes,

Shane.

[brassmonkey]

Congratulations on making the jump to "0". Things can be a bit bumpy post jump but it just gets better and better. Keep up the good work.

[Venkat]

Congratulations @hayduke

Extremely happy for you. 

Wishing you all the best. 

You continue to inspire us and give us hope. 

Take care. 

[morgana]

well done @hayduke, all our journey's are different on the way to zero which makes all our stories of progress unique, but we all have the same common goal..which you have achieved. Congratulations  i wish you all the best for your future and know you will be happy! cheers Morgana

[hayduke]

Thank you all, much much love.

 

I will keep you posted and resume helping out as I can.

 

 

[Rrsfc]

Congratulations! So happy for you... 😊 Well done! 

[hayduke]

Just about three weeks now since jumping to zero.

 

A few weeks before, I'd gently updosed from 0.20mg to 0.205mg.  Which did the trick.  This isn't the first time a very slight nudge has taken the wd experience from a 'too anxious' state, whatever form that may take - it always gets my attention! - to a satisfactory hold.

 

Since the clocks changed to daylight saving here then, I thought well here comes summer - my body clock has to take the hit, and it's hard to sleep in the heat anyway, why don't I just see how I go skipping the dose tonight.  I made a couple of rational arguments for continuing to step down on the taper, but my body was yelling hey mate give it a go we've had enough!  Heh.

 

Despite some interruptions in the wee hours I woke up after 7 hours sleep and felt good enough to skip again the next day.  By day four I thought well this is going well enough to stick with.  All the reality checks are good, communicating with people is actually better...and all the check-ups have come back fine.

 

My body is really enjoying the relaxation, sleep continues to be 6-7 hrs and even 9 last night now I have a quiet moment on the weekend.  Gotta be happy with that!

 

It's remarkable how different this is to even a threshold dose like 0.205.  Very grateful to my support crew whether health professionals, friends and colleagues for helping me touch down safely.

 

This is all during the most intensive period of EMDR and CPTSD therapy I've had yet, which seems appropriate 🙂

 

Fatigue, minor memory moments (not terrible, even for PTSD) and sometimes a slight restlessness seems to be the worst of it so far.  Nothing anyone you'd yak to in the street wouldn't nod and have a chuckle about.  Homeostasis is while off but this feels good, on the beam but relaxed and grounded.

 

Yay!

[Carmie]

Thanks for popping over to my thread Hayduke, 

 

I’m so happy you’re doing so well and have managed to get sleep too. 
 

It sounds like all the therapy, despite it being rough going, was an immense help to your life as well. Good for you for going through it, despite the fact of how hard it would have been. 
 

Take care, and I hope that life continues to get better and better for you🤗

[hayduke]

Thanks @Carmie.  Therapy's given me my life back.  Tapering allows access to the somatic and emotional snarls, while resolving those enables the taper.  Symbiotic

[hayduke]

What I posted here can do for an update today 

[hayduke]

 

 

Graph of completed taper

Edited November 11, 2021 by hayduke
formatting

[hayduke]

An update.  Feeling a bit grumpy this week.

 

Making sure to exercise as much as I can between the rainy days, and to limit my drinking again.  While it's so much better than it was, what my body can deal with there right now still demands that I take care.

 

Just shy of eight weeks at zero now, which remains deeply pleasing.  It is nice to have my forebrain back online, though occasionally there is a headache with that.  Very grateful for finding my therapist, and finding my cognition and emotions remain in balance. 

 

For all the nice thoughts, memories, interactions etc, I am also feeling the full extent of my dissatisfaction with my difficult family members, systemic problems in our society, ecocide etc.  I obviously can't solve the world's problems single handed, but I sure am feeling these.  It's a difficult time in the world at large, but also personally.  Anyway all that beats the crap out of being numbed to it, and has me thinking about other vocations.

 

Sleep remains more than acceptable at something around 6-9 hrs a night.  Fatigue is a bit of a bear still, I have been spending some days in bed while others I've been doing housework like a fiend.  The whole time on this drug, and still, the incredible frustration of not always being able to keep up with the housework, or get even half the projects I want done - especially the ones I know are really good or would be rewarding or satisfying.

 

I'm looking forward to being ready to study and return to some agreeable kind of work, but I'm not there yet.  Early next year would be nice, we'll just have to see.

[morgana]

hi @hayduke, its really great to hear your doing so well, but hearing how well, you are going, also makes me sad....as i am going sooo poorly...i now get pain from behind my eye sockets and which now causes me to get head aches, (i was never one to get headaches) its been 4 years now and do not see any improvements just different symptoms...sleep is so poor i am basically in hell!  hearing how well you, badmedicine and venkat are doing just makes me realise i will be one of those people who will never see the light at the end of the tunnel...but yeah great to hear your doing soo well cheers morgana

[hayduke]

@morgana You might find things start improving after you start working through and resolving trauma.  It can account for a great deal of physical ailments.

 

I get a lot of aches, pains, discomfort too, but forget them very quickly on a good day.  I skipped yoga this week and am paying for it!

[Venkat]

Hi @morgana , please don't give up hope. I am sure one of the moderators or some one with more experience will help you out.

I feel once you start getting some good sleep other things will start falling in place.

I just want to ask @hayduke or any of the moderators if a very very small updose can help you get back to sleep better? 

[hayduke]

@Venkat are you having trouble sleeping again?  I remember last time you kept updosing and it didn't help.  I made very small updoses a couple of times (e.g 0.005mg) for anxiety and mood then held, which did resolve those, but not for sleep specifically.  If you want to continue this conversation over in your intro thread, please let us know there when your sleep began to worsen, and in relation to any particular cuts.

[Venkat]

Hi @hayduke ,I am sleeping well. 

I was enquiring if a very small an updose can help morgana sleep better.

[hayduke]

Thanks for clarifying @Venkat and that's good to hear.

 

I can't see an updose helping after being at 2.5mg for so long.  I think we were talking about yoga, exercise and epsom salts baths before bedtime usually helping over in her thread recently.

 

Taking a break from internet and computers recently really helped my sleep cycle reset nicely, part of the changes on hitting zero.  The net is so tied into our dopamine systems.  

 

It can be hard to stay offline for too long in the day and age, so I like to try and get my computing done during the day.

 

@morgana ^

Edited November 25, 2021 by hayduke

[Rrsfc]

Hi @hayduke 😊. So glad to know you're doing well. Zero, what an achievement! I am very happy for you, it was a long and painful fight but you won, congratulations. Thank you for being such an inspiration and always being there for us when we need a bit of encouragement. 

[Carmie]

Hi Hayduke, 

 

You’ve done amazing getting off these meds. A gold star for you⭐️😁

 

I agree with you with taking occasional breaks from the internet. It’s certainly not good looking at screens all the time, too much dopamine. 
 

Have a happy day☀️☀️

[hayduke]

21 hours ago, Rrsfc said:

Hi @hayduke 😊. So glad to know you're doing well. Zero, what an achievement! I am very happy for you, it was a long and painful fight but you won, congratulations. Thank you for being such an inspiration and always being there for us when we need a bit of encouragement. 

 

Thanks @Rrsfc there is still much healing to do, it doesn't end at zero.  But certainly one of the major milestones it's slightly amazing to have in the rear view despite all the remaining garbage to deal with.  You can do this when you're ready.

 

15 hours ago, Carmie said:

Hi Hayduke, 

 

You’ve done amazing getting off these meds. A gold star for you⭐️😁

 

I agree with you with taking occasional breaks from the internet. It’s certainly not good looking at screens all the time, too much dopamine. 
 

Have a happy day☀️☀️

 

Thanks hun, self care rules xo

[Carmie]

7 hours ago, hayduke said:

 

Thanks @Rrsfc there is still much healing to do, it doesn't end at zero.  But certainly one of the major milestones it's slightly amazing to have in the rear view despite all the remaining garbage to deal with.  You can do this when you're ready.

 

 

Thanks hun, self care rules xo

Yes, self care does rule Hayduke, 

 

I’m hoping to do more of that too, take care🤗

[Carmie]

Good morning Hayduke, 

 

Just wanted to say hope you have a good day with lots of self care. I haven’t gotten around to having epsom salt baths again  as yet, but I might start today. I’ve got a cupboard full of Epsom salts. 😁
 

It’s pelting down here in Brissie this morning, and I’m loving it. 
 

Have a happy day☀️☀️☀️☀️

[hayduke]

Thanks @Carmie 🙂

 

Rainy day here, very nice to wake up to trees and grey clouds out the window today since all I have planned is couch, video games, naps and healthy food.  And probably some epsom salts and hemp protein powder for Omega 3 with yoghurt.

 

The booster shot hurt my arm quite a lot this time.  Got about 5 hrs sleep but woke tossing and turning as the muscle tension and fluey stuff kicks in today.  Not taken any painkillers yet but I'll see how I go tonight trying to sleep.

 

Definitely no drinking sessions next few days, lesson learnt!  🙂

 

Hugs, and you have a great day too Carmie!

[hayduke]

Glad I took it easy yesterday.  In the afternoon I felt my lower back muscles clenching up again, like with the 2nd dose of Pfizer.  I felt pretty fluey and wretched and thought well what did they eventually say about painkillers here?

 

You're not supposed to take any before the shot, which I didn't, but some sources say it's ok to take some afterwards while some lean against.  It's not entirely clear whether they affect the immune system learning of the virus signature.  After 24 hours I thought this is enough discomfort, and took half of a mersyndol tablet in the afternoon and gradually started relaxing more.  Before bed I put ibuprofen gel on my right arm muscle which was really quite sore, still.  I figured a topical application where the needle had gone in wouldn't be terribly inhibiting for the immune response in the rest of the body even if it does affect it.  Slept well and feeling quite a bit better today, still going to take it easy.

 

Cheers

[hayduke]

Felt pretty good after prev post, I think my body processed the booster a lot quicker than the second shot.

 

Nice headache today though, could be a few things.  Ok besides that.  Had to spend the morning in bed after a full day's housework yesterday but took a fair walk in the afternoon.  Done yoga, time to step back from the screen for the night.

[getofflex]

Belated congratulations on completing your olanzapine taper hay duke!    

[Carmie]

Hi @hayduke

 

Just popping over to wish you a good day🤗

[hayduke]

Thank you @getofflex and I hope your day is good too @Carmie.  

 

I've been run ragged lately, getting my life ready for the year and just keeping the lights on.

 

I feel that my undiagnosed chronic fatigue is slowly improving, but it is still a big frustration with housework, projects etc.

 

That said I love that I can just flop into bed now without titration or tablet, I had been looking forward to that again for years.  Even falling asleep in front of the idiot box occasionally 🙂

 

Exercising a bit better and a recent 3 day fast was helpful.

 

The aftermath of the drugs and mistreatment on my life is quite a sight each day when I think about how I would have liked my family to have managed my upbringing and "care".  Anger and sometimes bitterness are still often present and alive, although lately I am noticing a few unforced lulls now and again which let some interesting insights through.

 

I am reading better too.  Only two or three decades to catch up on

 

Alice Miller's Thou Shalt Not Be Aware (wow), Heller & Levine's Attached is great for working on relationships and working out what was wrong with how I was brought up, Susan Forward's Toxic Parents another one which is resonating a lot more on revisiting, and Eleanor Payson's classic on handling narcissists

 

One day I might even get to a book just for fun or because a friend suggested it eh.

 

Picking up work again is going to be challenging because of fatigue.  I feel more rest is due.  But here we go.  I hope we don't have to endure heartless and inept government policy for much longer.  Compassion is never misplaced and well overdue in these particularly demanding pandemic times.

[JesusSavemefromWD]

I am glad to see you winning over this poison! You give me strength that maybe one day I ll also heal (although my poison was Zoloft ). Enjoy your drug free life, you so much deserve it!!

[hayduke]

Thanks for your well wishes @JesusSavemefromWD

 

Life's no picnic but one foot in front of the other.

 

Your user name made me giggle.  You might appreciate a quote from the late great Hunter S Thompson

 

"Call on god, but row away from the rocks"

 

Cheers

Edited January 22, 2022 by hayduke

[Lilabella]

Hello hayduke

 I am now on olanzapine after being switched from quetiapine whilst in hospital after a disastrous withdrawal  from that. I am keen to start tapering the olanzipine slowly. Did you dissolve your tablet in water? I hope to be able to do that but it took a long time to dissolve so I'm a bit concerned that this might not be the way forward. Other than that I am at a loss to see how to taper. I am quite stable at the moment on 10 mg so it will be a long journey. Many thanks for your time. I hope you continue to be well, I have followed your journey with interest as you have managed to get off this poison and it is very inspiring. 

Lila. 

[hayduke]

On 1/29/2022 at 7:29 PM, Lilabella said:

Hello hayduke

 I am now on olanzapine after being switched from quetiapine whilst in hospital after a disastrous withdrawal  from that. I am keen to start tapering the olanzipine slowly. Did you dissolve your tablet in water? I hope to be able to do that but it took a long time to dissolve so I'm a bit concerned that this might not be the way forward. Other than that I am at a loss to see how to taper. I am quite stable at the moment on 10 mg so it will be a long journey. Many thanks for your time. I hope you continue to be well, I have followed your journey with interest as you have managed to get off this poison and it is very inspiring. 

Lila. 

 

Hi Lila,

 

Olanzapine like most of these preparations does not dissolve in water.

 

Rhi here discovered though that it doesn't matter in practice because for our tapering purposes a suspension is just as good.  Since it's nearly midnight here and I'm sure I've covered this before, let me know if you can't find it and I will link you tomorrow.

 

If you are steady on 10 sounds like a great window to get set for 5mg.

 

Cheers