Greatful: Is this withdrawal or too many med changes at once?

[Greatful]

@ChromeChinchilla  Thank you for reaching out.  We can never have enough friends in our corner.  

 

 Where would I be without this site.  The eye opening experiences we share.

I can't even fathom doing it  alone.  Wow I would be  flailing around in the dark trying to understand what is going on. Here we  can get the peer support, validation that this is real and we can heal from it. 

 

How is your taper going? 🌞

 

 

[ChromeChinchilla]

6 minutes ago, Greatful said:

@ChromeChinchilla  Thank you for reaching out.  We can never have enough friends in our corner.  

 

 Where would I be without this site.  The eye opening experiences we share.

 

I honestly have no idea. I would have felt like I was going insane or just fully broken. Would have for sure wound up on way more medications and thus been in a worse state than now. This website without a doubt , saves lives

 

11 minutes ago, Greatful said:

How is your taper going? 🌞

Well it's just recently moved from not at all to very slowly, so that's a thing. After my big crash last year I fully paused and just stayed put / got ready to taper in the future.  When I crashed (first time) in 2019 after holding I felt fully better and myself and was kind of waiting for that to happen again. It hasn't happened yet, so i've decided to just go slow and steady and carefully to see what happens. Doing 5-8% brass monkey next week as long as things are ok, then decided how to preceded from there.  Who knows, maybe i'll be one of those who feels better at lower doses. 

[wantrelief]

@Grateful:  I am glad you wrote how you are feeling.  I think it probably helps you to fully express your emotions but also helps others (like me!) know they are not alone in what they are thinking/feeling. 

 

5 hours ago, Greatful said:

To be honest I am scared most  everyday, how am I going to get off of ALL these drugs, can I heal.

I could quote all of your post really and tell you each piece I related to but definitely the above.

 

You are hardly a "Debbie downer" - you are the opposite of that as I've read so many beautifully supportive messages you've written others here. 

 

Thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts and for being here, Grateful.

[Heath]

Greatful I make myself not look at or calculate my jump off date. 😳. I try to just plug along and look at only the functionality .  Then I feel like I’m only prolonging misery. But we have to remember where we were when we tried the other way - ct. didn’t work to good. So here I am plugging along🙂. 
 

And you are so right most drs they do not know what the drugs are doing. I have ask 3 drs - 2 being psych drs “ how does this drug work?”  All 3 answers were “we don’t know how it works it just does “ 🤷‍♂️. 
 

hang in there 💪

[Greatful]

@Heath  Your closer to NO drugs then me 🙃

 

I talk to my doctor yesterday...Well I wasn't as diplomatic as you LOL

 

She is in agreement that I need to get off these drugs to see where I am.  Of course easier said than done. They really don't know what is going on with these drugs.

I'll paraphrase: she at one point was starting to go down the path these drugs work on different things...  I took this to mean it's okay to take them together,

Well that crazy me woman came out and I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I told her  Lamictal works on the gaba, glutamate,  and binds with some receptors of serotonin and dopamine, Lexapro works on serotonin and the xanax on the gaba,  my poor brain is confused.  She did agree that it was trying to stabilize.  She didn't say  much more. I didn't get into the dangers of Trazodone.

 

I was on my soapbox and she was trying to be positive and say that I was down to 2.7mg of the Lexapro and I said....It still has a 60% occupancy, it is still holding my serotonin hostage at 60%

and is at only 80 something % at 10mg or a higher dose, I was babbling so I wonder how much sense I made.  I'm thinking one thing, but I was on a roll  not sure how it came out. She didn't have much to say about this either.

I should have had the information handy for me to quote.  

 

I also decided to tell her that I was a member on SA and that it has been used in some studies. There is so much pain on there. 

And that Baylissa Frederick has a website and that she recovered from Benzo's

Innercompose, Laura Delano is a part of that.  

Her comment when I took a breath LOL     was that's good.  

Next time maybe I will nudge her into watching the video Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome  and it's Management. 

 

I guess she is still willing to see me, she said to book appointment in 8 weeks...LOL

I wonder what mood I will be in then😁

 

 

 

[arbor]

Hurray! Grateful--Thank you so much.  It's so hard to speak up, but without doing so, they're never going to reconsider what they're doing.  You spoke up for all of us suffering now and potentially.  Thank you, again.  I so look forward to your feeling better, and for all of us finding our way through w/d.

Hugs and more hugs!!

Arbor💜

[Healingcontinues]

Well done @Grateful! That must have been very empowering for you. Good for you for standing up for yourself and making yourself heard. You are planting seeds if anything to the people who should know this knowledge the most. You should feel so proud of yourself for creating this ripple today ❤️

[Heath]

@Greatful 

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

She is in agreement that I need to get off these drugs to see where I am. 
 

Sounds like she is on board with tapering off , that is good.

drs probably think we all kookoo 😜.

Iam continuing to warm up to the discussion with my dr , waiting for the moment 😂. 
 

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

 

@Heath  Your closer to NO drugs then me 🙃

 

I understand and we gonna make it off this stuff just keep putting one foot  in front of the other!
 

Spreading knowledge one dr at a time! 

 

Glad you had a good dr visit ! 👍

[Knosretep]

@Greatful Great job on helping educate another member of the medical establishment!  Hope that leads to the betterment of many patients in the years to follow.

 

Wishing you continued windows and healing. 🙂

[Carmie]

Good on you for educating the Dr @Greatful

 

I just saw on another thread that you use weighted blankets as well. I must get another one in the near future, the beads have nearly all moved to the edges of the blanket now despite them being in small stitched squares. Does that happen to your blankets eventually too?

 

Take care🧡

[Greatful]

@Carmie

Yes I have 2 blankets.  The beads do move around some.  Mine are also sewn in individual squares.  I'm smiling as I think about my blanket on this couch, yep just throw it on as one big blob. LOL 

It does help with anxiety though.  Mine are filled with glass beads.  

Can I ask you what Moderator Emeritus means?

I also want to extend my heartfelt compassion with your situation.  You perseverance is commendable.

If only I could achieve half of your perseverance, and acceptance.  🌞

  

[Carmie]

13 hours ago, Greatful said:

@Carmie

Yes I have 2 blankets.  The beads do move around some.  Mine are also sewn in individual squares.  I'm smiling as I think about my blanket on this couch, yep just throw it on as one big blob. LOL 

It does help with anxiety though.  Mine are filled with glass beads.  

Can I ask you what Moderator Emeritus means?

I also want to extend my heartfelt compassion with your situation.  You perseverance is commendable.

If only I could achieve half of your perseverance, and acceptance.  🌞

  

Hi Dear Greatful, 

 

You just made me laugh out loud, just what I need: one big blob of a weighted blanket😁. That’s what my one is like at the moment, but most of the beads are on the edges of the blanket, thus the need of getting a new one soon. I just love weighted blankets, can’t settle without one. 

 

I have another one, but it’s at my husband’s care home and I haven’t been able to visit him since omicron went crazy here in Queensland, Australia, last December, due to my lung issues. I have seen him though as the external support workers I organised for him have brought him around here. We just meet outdoors downstairs, he stays in the car and I sit on the grass and we chat. We have a national disability insurance scheme here in Australia funded by the government that is paying for the support workers, both where he lives and for the external support workers that I’ve organised through an agency. 

 

I could get my husband’s support worker to bring the other weighted blanket here, but I’m trying to be hopeful that one day I may be able to visit there again and stay the night. I have a really comfy mattress there that I can put on the floor. I miss visiting there and staying the night but it’s just too risky for me with my lungs the way they are. 
 

About the emeritus in the moderator title, good question. I’d never heard of the term either and I had to Google it when I first saw it. I was a moderator, but I asked to step down after a while as it was too much for me when my husband got sick a few years ago and had to go into a care home. I’m also extremely sick, I’ve had chronic fatigue syndrome for nearly thirty years and in the last few years I ended up with an autoimmune condition that only attacks my lungs and I struggle to breathe. I’ve actually been in a flare since last October when I got the vaccines. I can’t get boosters. 
 

Back to the word emeritus though, apparently it’s someone who has retired from a position, but still has an honorary title. So I’m guessing it’s there for the work I’ve done in the past. I can still continue to moderate though if I choose to. 
 

Thank you for your kind words too, I’m having such a bad day and I’ve been crying a lot. Waking up in the morning and barely struggling to breathe just takes it’s toll on my weary soul. Puffers don’t work. As you said I’ve got acceptance down pat,  I’ve accepted my situation, I’ve done a lot of grieving and I’m at a place now where I’ve accepted where I am.
 

As for perseverance though, some days I feel like I just can’t keep going, it all gets too much. I then try and find distractions to help me to get through the day. It’s a matter of taking a minute at a time some days. I must say, I do have an amazing support system though, I have beautiful friends that stick to me through thick and thin, I guess that helps too, despite the fact they couldn’t possibly understand what I’m going through.

 

 The weird thing is that I continue to make new friends too, yesterday at a Zoom meeting with friends there was someone there that I didn’t know really well and she offered to take me on medical appointments if I needed a lift too. I’m always overwhelmed by the support I get from people, it’s so heartwarming. I have CPTSD and I always find it overwhelming that so many people care about me because of the emotional neglect of my parents and never feeling good enough. I’m continually processing it. 
 

I’ve just recently been learning about attachment styles, it’s so fascinating. I think I’m anxious attachment, but I’ve done quite a bit of work and I’m very slowly getting to a stage where I no longer care about people who don’t care about me. Why on earth chase people that couldn’t care less about you?? I’ve got so many wonderful friends that I’m now no longer allowing toxic people in my life. I used to be such a people pleaser, if people didn’t like me I’d go above and beyond for them to like me. No more!!! 

 

One day at a time does it I guess with everything we are going through and when that’s too much an hour at a time does it, and if that’s even too much, a minute at a time does it. I hope you are coping the best you can, life is hard. Every morning is a struggle, I find when I wake up first thing in the morning the scariest part of the day.
 

Hope your day is bearable today, sending you much love 🧡

[Oaktree1]

On 6/29/2022 at 8:52 PM, Greatful said:

@Heath  Your closer to NO drugs then me 🙃

 

I talk to my doctor yesterday...Well I wasn't as diplomatic as you LOL

 

She is in agreement that I need to get off these drugs to see where I am.  Of course easier said than done. They really don't know what is going on with these drugs.

I'll paraphrase: she at one point was starting to go down the path these drugs work on different things...  I took this to mean it's okay to take them together,

Well that crazy me woman came out and I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I told her  Lamictal works on the gaba, glutamate,  and binds with some receptors of serotonin and dopamine, Lexapro works on serotonin and the xanax on the gaba,  my poor brain is confused.  She did agree that it was trying to stabilize.  She didn't say  much more. I didn't get into the dangers of Trazodone.

 

I was on my soapbox and she was trying to be positive and say that I was down to 2.7mg of the Lexapro and I said....It still has a 60% occupancy, it is still holding my serotonin hostage at 60%

and is at only 80 something % at 10mg or a higher dose, I was babbling so I wonder how much sense I made.  I'm thinking one thing, but I was on a roll  not sure how it came out. She didn't have much to say about this either.

I should have had the information handy for me to quote.  

 

I also decided to tell her that I was a member on SA and that it has been used in some studies. There is so much pain on there. 

And that Baylissa Frederick has a website and that she recovered from Benzo's

Innercompose, Laura Delano is a part of that.  

Her comment when I took a breath LOL     was that's good.  

Next time maybe I will nudge her into watching the video Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome  and it's Management. 

 

I guess she is still willing to see me, she said to book appointment in 8 weeks...LOL

I wonder what mood I will be in then😁

 

 

 

@Greatful

 

I just want to say fair dues to you for being what you call the 'crazy me woman' with your psyche and telling her what was really going on. Your psyche amazingly sounds sympathetic and even seems to have listened - you do get them occasionally and it's amazing when you do but fair dues to you - batting for the legally drugged team.  Thanks for your courage in doing so - the old rage is helpful sometimes - entirely legitimate rage in this case.

 

Oaktree

[Greatful]

Please can someone relate

I can't hardly take it some days.  My brain feels like it is tingling burning/freezing mess.  The crazy think is it moves to different locations. top of my head, on the sides, on the back, my forehead will tighten up to were it feels like a buzzing burning/ freezing  rock. (half the time I can't tell if it's burning or freezing. all the same  lol) It reminds my of jumper cables with a low voltage trying to kick start my brain.

I want to rip at it. It feels like there is a string from my brain  into my arms and legs that make it feel like  muscles are going to spasm.  

The hardest one for me is the brain----It shrinking or frying in a pan, it makes me feel like I'm going to lose my mind.  LOL   I've had these crazy brain things for over a year now. Can this be adverse effect from the Lexapro or is it just plain Withdrawal garbage.  I do know when I started the Lex. my brain was not happy.  

 

I'm trying to float through it,  but I a have to say I break down and cry a lot too😓

 

[Heath]

@GreatfulI hate that you are dealing with this! I cannot relate to the buzzing tingling brain thing. I have never had that.

But I do have from time to time muscles tensing and releasing in neck, shoulders, jaw, butt, legs, arms and low back. had it real bad in the past fast tapers and minor in my slow taper. 
 

Usually moving and doing something stops this. But if I try to rest or relax this makes it worse. 

 

You and I have discussed knowing what is what in symptoms. It’s tough. I have discovered that the side effects from lexapro most every time increase during taper and then get all mixed up with withdrawals. Then I get confused trying to sort it out. What is helping me there is documenting these so I can look back when I get confused. 
But hey at least we know that either way it’s from the poison 🫤 I know that knowing doesn’t take it away but it gives me just a little relief. 
 

Hang on 💪 it’s only temporary 👍

[Greatful]

So it looks like not many people can relate to my electrified brain🙄

 

I have a question that I hope a mod or someone that has a better knowledge can answer.

 

What is kindling?

 I always thought kindling was when  your brain has become over sensitized to the chemicals in the drugs.

 Usually it is one that you have tried before and now it doesn't react well to it when you try it again.  But it isn't limited to the one drug, any drug can cause it if your brain is in a over sensitized state.

 

i.e

 stop  a ssri  and then try  to restart it and your symptoms get worse.

 

This would  appears that it's when the drugs are introduced.

 

I also read another place not on SA>

Kindling is term used to describe a neurological condition that results from having repeated withdrawal experiences.  The theory is that there is an increased risk with each subsequent withdrawal, in that symptoms will be more severe than during the previous one do to the nervous system being sensitized.  For example the second withdrawal will be more problematic then the first and the third will be worse then the second and so on. 

 

Now I am confused.  I know that your brain is upset from repeated Withdrawal and from drug hopping which in itself can throw you into withdrawal, hence upset CNS.  So do you kindle from starting a drug that your brain rejects or is it when you are in withdrawal.

 

I ask because I think kindling happened to me with restarting a ssri.   Can you stabilize if stay on the drug that you kindled on?

 

I am not sure this makes any sense, but I would love an  explanation to this.  I would like to feel somewhat knowledgeable and have facts straight when I talk to my doctor. 

 

🌞

[Ariel]

Oh @Greatful

How I wish I could ease your pain and suffering! It's terribly unfair how these drugs are affecting you. I'm so sorry. 

 

I appreciate and applaud your inquiry about kindling. I'd like to understand this better, too! Looking forward to learning more. 

 

You are so very brave and strong. I wish you didn't have to be but given how things are I'm glad you have these inner resources.

 

Sending you a big HUG! 

[Greatful]

@Ariel  Thanks Ariel  You are a inspiration, the energizing bunny....You just keep going and going🌞

How are you doing?

[Greatful]

How about some  positive news.  Our 12th grandchild was born today.  We have another on the way due this fall.

I really need to heal from these drugs so I can be more involved as Nana.  All right the whole SA give me a shove over the finish line to LOL

member

 it seems that as soon as I drop then that following day I have a window. Like the wd symptoms lift. Why is that? 

Then the wd symptoms creap back in and get worse 2-3 weeks into the hold time. Could this be the adr?

Alto 

Yes, when you make a decrease, your system is relieved that the drug burden has been reduced, but the adverse drug effects reassert when your system accommodates to the decrease. 

 

Day 5 of my .02ml cut of Lexapro and so far I feel better than before the cut.

Atro I am holding you to this LOL

 

😁😬🙃☺️

 

[Heath]

4 hours ago, Greatful said:

it seems that as soon as I drop then that following day I have a window. Like the wd symptoms lift. Why is that? 

Then the wd symptoms creap back in and get worse 2-3 weeks into the hold time. Could this be the adr?

Alto 

Yes, when you make a decrease, your system is relieved that the drug burden has been reduced, but the adverse drug effects reassert when your system accommodates to the decrease. 

greatful  I have noticed this too in my past fast tapers and hardly at all in slow taper but some. I always thought that when my body wasn’t getting the drug after a big cut my body would try and adjust and overshoot the chemicals like serotonin a little too much and would go back and forth till it equalized.
I remember it was like a breath of fresh air. I was ready to conquer the world for a few days💪. I almost bought a new car one time 😅. So don’t make any big decisions while this is happening! Thanks for posting this. 
 

Congratulations on the new family member 👏! Now that is a breath of fresh air👍

[Ariel]

21 hours ago, Greatful said:

How about some  positive news.  Our 12th grandchild was born today.  We have another on the way due this fall.

 

@Greatful

Congratulations!!

Wow, your 12th grandchild and another on the way??! Holy moly 

How many kids do you have, if I may ask? 

What a beautiful big family.

Blessings to you all -- health, happiness, peace, safety, ease of well-being -- long may you enjoy each other <3

[Greatful]

@Ariel

Thank you🌞  My hubby and I have 6 children.  4 daughters and 2 sons.  They are all productive members of society LOL.  How, I don't know, their mom was, well should I say, on drugs most of their lives. LOL

The older 3 might have been lucky enough to have seen the real me when they were young. Sadly my memory right now of raising them is foggy.  😒

There dad is a wonderful dad, he is the secret to their success.  

I look forward to getting me back so I can really be a mom and Nana.  

🌞

[Erin9]

On 7/3/2022 at 7:46 PM, Greatful said:

Please can someone relate

I can't hardly take it some days.  My brain feels like it is tingling burning/freezing mess.  The crazy think is it moves to different locations. top of my head, on the sides, on the back, my forehead will tighten up to were it feels like a buzzing burning/ freezing  rock. (half the time I can't tell if it's burning or freezing. all the same  lol) It reminds my of jumper cables with a low voltage trying to kick start my brain.

I want to rip at it. It feels like there is a string from my brain  into my arms and legs that make it feel like  muscles are going to spasm.  

The hardest one for me is the brain----It shrinking or frying in a pan, it makes me feel like I'm going to lose my mind.  LOL   I've had these crazy brain things for over a year now. Can this be adverse effect from the Lexapro or is it just plain Withdrawal garbage.  I do know when I started the Lex. my brain was not happy.  

 

I'm trying to float through it,  but I a have to say I break down and cry a lot too😓

 

Hi, I relate to this! I have absolutely no advice for dealing with it because I'm really struggling too. I've been coming off citalopram and recently had a run in with mirtazapine. I dont know which one has caused it but my head feels like its burning, tingly, numb, and that even thinking seems to make my head feel weird. It feels a bit like the foggy headed sensation you get with a cold or flu, but constant...currently I'm just waiting it out but it's so hard

[Guest]

On 4/15/2022 at 11:36 PM, Greatful said:

I am afraid to be around people and even my husband/children/grandchildren for reasons that I will not get into at this time.....Way to embarrassed.........Oh yea let's add in ocd and crazy superstitions fear of doing thing wrong........Which I had a touch of from childhood-

Hi, can you discribe me this a little, I also experience this?

[Kat66]

On 7/3/2022 at 7:46 PM, Greatful said:

Please can someone relate

I can't hardly take it some days. 

 

but I a have to say I break down and cry a lot too😓

 

@Greatful while I don't get the physical brain tingling sensations you get I can thoroughly relate to.....the above.  I can also totally relate to being afraid to be around people.

 

DISTRACTION is the way I'm getting through WD garbage right now, that, and repeating the mantra; ITS WITHDRAWAL, IT'S NOT ME. 

 

Hang in there, lovely lady xxx

 

[Believer]

Hi @Greatful

Congrats from me too on your 12th grandchild! I’m sure you doing the best you can as a mom and nana, your comments and support to all of us attest to that.

 

How is your latest dropping?

 

🤗

 

Believer

[Greatful]

Hi @Believer  I was doing really well until we took a trip to see our youngest son last weekend. It was nice to spend time with him.  It's about a 6-7 drive.  I got over stimulated and we went out to eat for every meal on the way there and up there and on the way back. Full on Wave started on the way home. 😒 I had horrible panic and some akathesia on the way home. Try sitting in a big diesel crew cab truck with the noise and cars and there is no place you can go. The pressure in my ears was horrible, I wanted to rip them and my head off. Horrible obsessing and fatigue this morning.  SI thoughts and I am going to go insane.I can't do this? Why am I doing this?I"m stuck like this a freak with crazy fears and phobias.  My gosh when your damaged brain takes over the thoughts, phobia and  obsessions are ruthless.  I spent most of the morning in bed today😒 with mild panic attacks and just wanting it all to stop, stop the thoughts and obsessing.  Oh, I am so sick of this fear fear fear.  The amygdala is in charge right now  The rational brain is on vacation or offline 😖

Why is it so easy to retreat back into the abyss of hopelessness and trapped feeling.  Somewhere in the back recess of my brain there is the faint reminder that it will pass and you will be okay. Sooooo dim though.

I wish I could be more positive right now, I just can't find it.  So I guess the next best thing is to sit in it and hope it will pass soon.  All my skills for dealing with this are offline with my rational brain. 

Hurry tomorrow come so I can be one day closer to healing from what these drugs did to my brain.🌞

 

How are you doing my friend?

[Believer]

Oh @Greatful,

I am so sorry. I totally get it though. Driving and riding overstimulate me. I myself couldn’t take that long of a trip. Too over stimulating with all of the traffic whizzing by at 70+ miles an hour. I can occasionally drive the 30 minutes into town and back but don’t feel safe doing it by myself for an appointment or shopping because sometimes I feel so out of it and unsafe. And panic attacks while driving are no fun and ramp everything else up. My husband has to take me. So I get it. It really sucks and I too wonder if it will improve. It was very brave if you to go and I am glad you enjoyed seeing your son. ❤️
 

I hope your symptoms settle soon, hang in there. I’ll be praying for you.

 

Hugs,

 

Believer

[Mia1]

@Greatful I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time. I especially know how hard this can be when you’ve been going through it for a while. I hope you feel better soon ❤️

[Kat66]

On 7/11/2022 at 7:10 PM, Greatful said:

Hi @Believer  I was doing really well until we took a trip to see our youngest son last weekend. It was nice to spend time with him.  It's about a 6-7 drive.  I got over stimulated and we went out to eat for every meal on the way there and up there and on the way back. Full on Wave started on the way home. 😒 I had horrible panic and some akathesia on the way home. Try sitting in a big diesel crew cab truck with the noise and cars and there is no place you can go. The pressure in my ears was horrible, I wanted to rip them and my head off. Horrible obsessing and fatigue this morning.  SI thoughts and I am going to go insane.I can't do this? Why am I doing this?I"m stuck like this a freak with crazy fears and phobias.  My gosh when your damaged brain takes over the thoughts, phobia and  obsessions are ruthless.  I spent most of the morning in bed today😒 with mild panic attacks and just wanting it all to stop, stop the thoughts and obsessing.  Oh, I am so sick of this fear fear fear.  The amygdala is in charge right now  The rational brain is on vacation or offline 😖

Why is it so easy to retreat back into the abyss of hopelessness and trapped feeling.  Somewhere in the back recess of my brain there is the faint reminder that it will pass and you will be okay. Sooooo dim though.

I wish I could be more positive right now, I just can't find it.  So I guess the next best thing is to sit in it and hope it will pass soon.  All my skills for dealing with this are offline with my rational brain. 

Hurry tomorrow come so I can be one day closer to healing from what these drugs did to my brain.🌞

Arrrrgh - I hear your pain and can relate so much to being overstimulated and being kicked back into an intense wave with all the horrible neuro emotions. It will pass - FLOAT FLOAT FLOAT, ACCEPT ACCEPT ACCEPT xxx

[Believer]

Hi @Greatful,

Thinking about you. How are you doing? I hope things are settling down for you.

🤗

Believer

[Ariel]

@Greatful

Thinking of you <3

[Heath]

@Greatful So sorry you are in a wave!

Dont forget calming noise and reading and games or puzzles for distraction. 
This will pass ! It will! Hang on 💪

Prayers for you! 

[Greatful]

Thanks everyone. 

I seem to be in my rotating cycle of doom and gloom. 

I resigned from my job last Friday.  I can go on a sub list but I can't take any work until I get cleared to go back to work.  Both my doc and therapist do not think I am able to at this time. To summarize, worked for 19 years in a high school food service.  (lunch lady LOL)  I took FMLA for the first part of last year and then they extended my leave. They have not been able to fill it my position, It seems nobody wants to work now days. but I am not cleared to go back to work, they have been in contact with me and have been gently leaning towards me ending my employment.  I guess it will be good not having the pressure of healing enough to to get back to work and concentrate on me. What else can these drugs take away from me.

 

I have also been working on my past childhood trauma.  That takes a lot out of you.  I was reading in my book The Body Keeps the Score and I'm really find a connection with it.  The chapters on the healing are very helpful also.

I was excited to read about EDMR, yoga, but what really hit was IFS internal family systems therapy and PBSP psychomotor therapy. It brought up things for me and I sobbed on my front deck while reading it.  I told my therapist about it and she is going to learn more about IFS.  

 

 I hope this cycle of glum and doom passes quickly.  You would think I would be use to the ups and downs by now. The silver lining is the downs and negativity are not as deep and don't seem to last as many days in a row. But my pessimistic side doesn't seem to care LOL  It wants to feel better all the time. Does anyone else fool themselves, and think okay this time the dirty window will just keep getting better,  there is no way I can feel so bad again.    Oh yeah,  that's called WINDOWS AND WAVES. 

 

Tomorrow will be better🌞

 

 

  

 

[Oaktree1]

15 hours ago, Greatful said:

You would think I would be use to the ups and downs by now. The silver lining is the downs and negativity are not as deep and don't seem to last as many days in a row. 

Hi Greatful,

 

I'd grip that silver lining for all its worth.  Apparently our negative experiences stick to our brains and positive experiences do not so have to be reinforced.  Apparently you need a lot of positive experiences to cancel out negative ones so you need to use your bran to reinforce the positive.   I suppose the easiest way to do this ( or so I was told anyway) is to write down every night three positive things in your life.   I am not great at doing this but you at least seem to be able to recognise the improvements you've been having and you are making a breakthrough in your healing with a good therapist and the new perspectives from the Bessel van der Polk's book.  They are great positives I think.     I hope the doom and glum (very good line) lifts soon for you and you get another window.

 

Oaktree.

[KenA]

3 hours ago, Oaktree1 said:

Hi Greatful,

 

I'd grip that silver lining for all its worth.  Apparently our negative experiences stick to our brains and positive experiences do not so have to be reinforced.  Apparently you need a lot of positive experiences to cancel out negative ones so you need to use your bran to reinforce the positive.   I suppose the easiest way to do this ( or so I was told anyway) is to write down every night three positive things in your life.   I am not great at doing this but you at least seem to be able to recognise the improvements you've been having and you are making a breakthrough in your healing with a good therapist and the new perspectives from the Bessel van der Polk's book.  They are great positives I think.     I hope the doom and glum (very good line) lifts soon for you and you get another window.

 

Oaktree.

@Oaktree1 I kept a journal throughout my whole experience and at the end of every day I would find at least one positive thing about my day and write it down! It truly does help when you are having a bad day to find that one glimmer of hope and positivity! It will keep you going for sure!!