Greatful: Is this withdrawal or too many med changes at once?

[Ninabird]

@Grateful

Hi there. How are you doing today? 
 

I am having a rough time. Hoping it will pass soon. 
 

 

[Greatful]

 

This will give you something to think about---how in the world do Psychiatrist get paid so much money for less then a hour or half hour visit--I opened my bill and one charge was $414.00 and another was $578.00 before insurance----We are their cash cow---What does she do but keep my prescription filled.

They were barely considered real doctors or at least medical doctors, then big pharma introduced the wonder drugs that swept the world by storm......

The next thing you know they are raking in the big buck along with big pharma.

 

I should also mention my old doctor winter of 2021, told me he talked to Harvard doctor and the Harvard doctor claimed that benzo's were getting a bad rap and that things were being blown out of portions-(something like that)  so yeah I could  take more Xanax  ---What is wrong with these doctors..

 

We get left feeling like this:

 Then I get angry at the doctors and big pharma---how can we trust them---there is data showing  most people can get worse on these drugs more depressed - more anxiety-and that  the unmeditated recover from depression- psychosis - anxiety  better then  meditcated  patients over  the long term -that big pharma hid a lot of their  negative results from their drug trials--how their drug trials where not well controlled for honest results- and of course not to mention where are the studies on how they affect us long term-  both in the brain and the whole body-how to get off of them- They were meant for short term use, how did it turn into you need them for life-- my gosh these drugs are changing who we are---  I just had anxiety from trauma and some low mood off and on---now look at me 😓  20+ years of drugs and slowly got worse and now horrible withdrawal  from them----But somehow I still hit  panic when I am hurting so bad from Withdrawal and maybe adverse reaction not to mention the possibility that the 4 drugs I'm on may not be playing nice together--should I try some other drug?  what a trapped feeling.. 

 

So if there are any doctors,  therapist or anyone else interested in learning more about these drugs or least more then the texted books teach...

Here are a few links to get you started and hopefully they will peak your interest and maybe encourage you to investigate. There is information out there with real studies that  need to brought forward, read and acknowledged.

This is real and it is happening to so many hurting people

 

The Origins of the DSM by Dr James Davis https://youtu.be/6JPgpasgueQ

 

Interview of Robert Whitaker https://youtu.be/5VBXWdhabuQ

 

Presentation by Robert Whitaker Our Psychiatric Drug Epidemic

https://youtu.be/J4guc7Q8PaQ Which has facts and data from studies

 

Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and it's Management 

https://youtu.be/PSjYH044-2Q

 

Medicating Normal Documentary 

https://medicatingnormal.com/

 

Robert Whitaker at "Pharmaceuticals Risks and alternatives"https://youtu.be/0ql9Cc_p3r8

 

I hope to be drug free on day

 

 

[Greatful]

@Ninabird Hi, I am doing the roller coaster ride.. One minute feeling like I am slowly healing the next beaten back by the weight of all this and so tired of feeling this way...I think I am coming out of the horrible depression- over whelming hopelessness- that I was in for several days....So hard to tell myself to stay in the day/minute and not try to think of the future..  You can't look forward with positivity when you are waring the grey lenses that are making the future look bleak--- I tried to  tell myself fake it till you make it.

Sometimes it works -- for a nano second -☺️

Don't you just want to wake up from this bad dream...Sometimes I am so astounded that this is happening...How did I get to this place...Oh yeah- drugs and the miss informed Doctors and big Pharma...

 

Hang in there Ninabird,  things usually let up and give us a small breaks- soon those breaks will be bigger and bigger....We can not let this beat us♥️

 

[Heath]

Well said greatful! 
I would say that just about all drs do know what’s happening. I will tell you why. In my trade I follow news and research and updates  to know what’s going on and where the industry is headed. I want to be on top of things when things change to take care of my customers. So I’m pretty sure they are doing the same. If they don’t know then they are practicing under a rock somewhere. The information is in you face every where. News and social media and google. So if they know why are they not changing. Are they going to ride it till the end $? Then what. If I was them I would learn all I could and stay on top take care of my patients, they would trust me and keep coming back so I can keep my lights on. 
 

The days of our younger years and our generations before us (the innocent trust) do what the dr says are over, it’s no more. We are our best caretaker. 

[Heath]

I may be wrong but once a dr looses trust and integrity that’s it all he has left is a prescription pad. He ought to know there is another one around the  corner to take is place

[Ninabird]

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

it works -- for a nano second -☺️

Don't you just want to wake up from this bad dream...Sometimes I am so astounded that this is happening...How did I get to this place...Oh yeah- drugs and the miss informed Doctors and big

@Greatful

 

I tell you that I was thinking the EXACT same thing yesterday, and the day before… 🥸 Had I not gone to my GP and asked for help w anxiety… that kind of thinking does me no good. What is done is done. I have more tapering in my future. I need to save my energy for that. 

 

I had a pity party this morning. I cried and cried. I’m just so tired of living what seems to be Groundhogs day ( remember the movie?) 

it takes strength to get through what we are living with. . This morning I felt like I had no strength…none and that is ok. I allowed myself to cry, really ugly cry. I mean if you are going to shed tears might as well make it ugly, right? 🤪

 

I hope you get a wonderful window soon! 🌺

you too Chlo

 

NB

 

 

[Oaktree1]

20 hours ago, Greatful said:

Hi, I am doing the roller coaster ride.. One minute feeling like I am slowly healing the next beaten back by the weight of all this and so tired of feeling this way...I think I am coming out of the horrible depression- over whelming hopelessness- that I was in for several days....So hard to tell myself to stay in the day/minute and not try to think of the future..  You can't look forward with positivity when you are waring the grey lenses that are making the future look bleak--- I tried to  tell myself fake it till you make it

@Greatful

 

I can relate to the 'horrible depression' and to be honest everything else you're written above.   The only thing is though - I don't bother faking it as that is just too much pressure.  I just try and accept it - I fail a lot of the time ...it's more relaxing sometimes to just go with it and the truth of it.  

 

What you wrote in the previous post : - 

"But somehow I still hit  panic when I am hurting so bad from Withdrawal and maybe adverse reaction not to mention the possibility that the 4 drugs I'm on may not be playing nice together--should I try some other drug?  what a trapped feeling.. "

 

 That whole post is pretty much the way that my own mind works a lot of the time.  A few weeks ago I was thinking of trying Lithium - it's awful when your mind is second guessing you.

 

Then to bolster my resolve I go on Youtube to hear the alternative view - this video I saw last night - Dr David Cohen and Dr Jim Wright. 

 

I love Mikhaila Peterson - only for her, her dad would have gone under with severe SSRI induced akathisia.  She is one young person that is very vocal about the dangers of anti depressants drugs having been stuck on them in early adolescence and she is one of those influencers that has a strong following.  For such a young person she has gone through terrible suffering with an auto immune condition that resulted in hip and knee replacements until she changed her diet - quite admirable. Unfortunately her dad is still a supporter despite what happened to him.  Still saying that anti depressants can be 'absolutely miraculous'.   

 

When I feel a bit low or even panicky I go on Youtube and find a video - the supply is endless really.

 

 

I just pasted this one as you already have posted a lot of links earlier. 

 

She also a podcast interview with Beverly Thompson a British writer and researcher who recently published a book 'Anti Depressed' about the damage done by these drugs.  This kind of stuff can buoy you up sometimes I think unless you look at too much of it.

 

I am hoping that you feel a bit more restored in the next few days and can get back to some yard work.  🙂🧹

 

Oaktree1 🌸

 

[Erell]

On 5/28/2022 at 10:12 PM, Greatful said:

@Erell

oh my gosh--was I that dulled from years on the meds- the other day I was riding in the car with my hubby-- had a quick flashback of when we dating--the feelings and how awe struck I was with him--Wow where did that come from--I hope as go down more on my meds-deep feeling will return lol--I have to say I have been having more emotional connection with deeper feelings/memories-some are so clear and I feel like I am there again...Yesterday I was on my porch swing and I had almost clear memory of how I felt before drugs--I was a kind-caring person with a warm heart-- It almost can bring tears to my eyes..  The drugs slowly turned me into a distant-frustrated-and crabby person....It's funny that the memories from pre-drug are becoming more stronger---sadly right now I have a hard time remembering raising my family..  I hope as the brain straightens from out from WD and less meds-- all things will be clearer.

 

You describe so well the flashbacks we go through !
"Where did that come from ?!" Exactly !

 

At the beginning, I was very destabilised by these memories which seemed to come out of nowhere and which led to a lot of questions about who I was, who I became, who I will be, etc.

Now I try to learn from Shep by observing them and learning to see them as "teachers". Not that I get there every day, or know what to do with it, but I think I'm starting to get things out of it.
For example, I have a lot of memories related to shame that come up, sometimes with flashes of shame that come up intensely without me knowing where they come from. It made me realise how much this feeling of shame has been a part of my life, for many years, and that maybe it was time to learn to let go of this feeling.

 

On a more positive note, I like it when I have memories and sensations related to love that come up: it helps me to rediscover this universal feeling, to feel it in my body and to try to learn to direct it towards me. Not always a success, especially around my periods 😂
But I like to see these memories as an opportunity to rediscover feelings.

 

I feel that after so many years on medication, we have a lot to rediscover and relearn. It's frightening, especially when this work is done with the presence of disabling symptoms on a daily basis. But I have to admit that I find it exciting too: it really makes me feel like we have a new chance in our lives, and it's exciting to think about how much we have to rediscover and live.

 

I am greatful for you and all the community during thisn journey, it really feels like we are surrounded by loving souls. Be assured you're not alone, even in the hardest times ❤️ 

[Ariel]

@Greatful

Thinking of you, just wanted to say hello.

Feeling grateful for your compassionate presence here. 

Hugs 

[Greatful]

@Ariel HI thanks for stopping by...

Congratulation on becoming a moderator☺️ 

I'm doing okay.  I'm going to do a update soon.  

 

By the way I got a kick out of this you posted on another thread.

 

At some amusement parks they take pictures of people on the big rides. You get out at the end and someone tries to sell you a photo of your face, cheeks blown out by the gusts of air as the ride accelerates in its downhill drop, your eyes closed shut or maybe wide open in terror, your mouth agape, screaming or silent as your stomach tries to escape one way or another. You know the pictures I'm talking about? World's most unflattering, worst priced, (de)personalized souvenir. 

Just know that in the back row of that same photo, upper left-hand corner, that face right behind you? That's me.

You're not alone. ❤️

    I am the one sitting behind you 😳

I bet if you look close enough you will find most of SA on the ride.

 

When does this amusement park close.  I want off of this ride and out of this park🎢🤣

 

 

 

[Ariel]

@Greatful

Deep-fried psych drugs on a stick, anyone? Anyone? 

<3

[Believer]

Hi @Greatful,

Thanks for visiting my thread and for your much needed compassion. I have seen a few YouTube videos on the vagus nerve, tried a few of them early on, maybe they helped a bit? Have you found any benefit? I feel like withdrawal clouds everything.

How have you been feeling as you lower your lex? I hope you are feeling some relief.

 

Thanks for being you and for for being a part of this community, you are a blessing to all of us. ❣️
 

Believer 

 

[Greatful]

@Believer  Hi my fellow comrade in arms😊 Thank you for you kind words.

 Us with longggg drugs histories need to stick together.😊

 

I do both of the vagus nerve exercises from the links I sent you.  I think the breathing one is helpful.  I feel a little more rational and calmer after.  I try to do for several breaths. I  sometimes get distracted easily and let my monkey brain take over and well you know how the monkey brain likes to have it's way...I guess it's kind of like meditation  you start off with good intentions and maybe stay with it for a little while and then your off in another direction  Oh yeah pay attention to your breath, focus for a few breath and then your off again😳

Sometimes it's just easier to let yourself sit in your thoughts and watch them go by---or stick around🙄 This brain retraining is a lot of work.😒

 

Oh yeah I should tell you I am using lavender essential oil straight,  several times a day.  I dab it on my inside of my wrist or inside the forearm.  I think it is helping at least with anxiety, inner calm.  It could be a placebo thing, but that's okay, I will keep doing it as long as I think I see benefits LOL  The mind is a powerful thing😁   Sadly that also includes the monkey brain 😓

 

I'm hanging in there with my taper. 😬 Up and down, round and round. 

 

I did a .02ml everyday for 15 days 3mg to 2.70 =10% I am going to hold, let things settle for a week or two.  Over all I feel that my adr is coming down. I'm frustrated that the small amount that I am on still controls so much of my  serotonin and I have to go through the WD as well as adr. 

 

I can't say it to many time  how unbelievable  it is the way these drugs hijack our brains and body.  Do you ever think, I  can't believe this is real and happening to me?  How in the world can this happen to me?  How can anyone survive this? How can I explain this to someone to get them to understand a glimmer of how this feels?  How can I when I can't fully comprehend it myself.

Now in our scrambled brains we question who are we?  Can I heal? Is there life after these drugs.

 

But something propels us forward and we trudge through the days in hopes for that life we dream of. 

We have each other to draw from,  knowing  we are not alone , this is happening to many many people and we can heal from this  temporary   chemical brain injury.♥️

 

 

[Believer]

21 hours ago, Greatful said:

Do you ever think, I  can't believe this is real and happening to me?  How in the world can this happen to me?  How can anyone survive this? How can I explain this to someone to get them to understand a glimmer of how this feels?  How can I when I can't fully comprehend it myself.

Now in our scrambled brains we question who are we?  Can I heal? Is there life after these drugs.

@Greatful,

yes, I think these things far too often, they’re probably not very helpful thoughts, but there they are.  Acceptance is a daily, sometimes hourly practice. 😜

 

Months ago I tried both of the Exercises in the videos you sent me. The eye movement one did nothing for then. I tried it again yesterday snd it made my vision went blurry and I got dizzy.  🤣 I do different breathing exercises, and they do seem to help somewhat.

 

I haven’t seen much improvement but I have come this far, feel like the only way to go is down and off. I have noticed an uptick in symptoms since my last cut, more fear/Adrenalin, which is a bummer. It has definitely gotten harder on the lower doses. Especially below 5.5mgs.

 

I’m glad to read that you are getting some relief from the ADR as you go lower, but yeah, ADR and WD, I am so sorry you’re dealing with that.

 

I use a lavender spray on my pillow at night. I like the smell but don’t know if it does anything to help symptoms. 
 

Hang in there Greatful and keep your light shining. It’s a difficult journey, thank you for walking it with me.

 

Believer

 

 

[LotusRising]

On 6/17/2022 at 12:38 PM, Greatful said:

Do you ever think, I  can't believe this is real and happening to me?  How in the world can this happen to me?  How can anyone survive this? How can I explain this to someone to get them to understand a glimmer of how this feels?  How can I when I can't fully comprehend it myself.

@Greatful

 

I think this all the time. Why me right? It circles around all the time in my head. All this time that has been lost when I should be working and enjoying time with my kids. It's a daily struggle. I just keep telling myself that there must be a reason for all of this and my path will become clearer the closer I get to feeling "normal". 

 

One of the biggest challenges is that no one seems to get it. The people I thought were supporters in the beginning, have forgotten, don't understand, or just don't have space to help anymore. I wouldn't want anyone to experience what I'm going through, but at the same time, I wish that just for a moment, they could feel what I feel ...

 

Thinking of you 💕

[Ninabird]

2 hours ago, MedRN said:

One of the biggest challenges is that no one seems to get it. The people I thought were supporters in the beginning, have forgotten, don't understand, or just don't have space to help anymore. I wouldn't want anyone to experience what I'm going through, but at the same time, I wish that just for a moment, they could feel what I feel ...

 

I totally understand this. It is hard enough to go through this but at times I feel like I am going through this alone. I keep so much of this to myself out of fear that I will scare my loved ones or friends away. So, I suffer in silence most of the time. I put on a fake smile and push through.

[Kat66]

That’s why I love this site. We all ‘get it’, no one needs to feel alone here. We’re all on the same journey to healing and we’ll get there, one day.

 

Sending ❤️ To everyone xx

[Oaktree1]

On 6/17/2022 at 7:38 PM, Greatful said:

Do you ever think, I  can't believe this is real and happening to me?  How in the world can this happen to me?  How can anyone survive this? How can I explain this to someone to get them to understand a glimmer of how this feels?  How can I when I can't fully comprehend it myself.

@Greatful

 

I often feel that ..sometimes it is hard to get one's head around how this happened to you.  That these crappy drugs were handed out legally by people that were supposedly trustworthy and that the people suffering largely only get their understanding and support in cyberspace...it's hard to get one's head around that...I am glad you are using tools and taking the taper slowly.  You describe the 'head wreck' so well.

 

Oaktree

[Carmie]

Hi Grateful, 

 

It’s so very true what you wrote, people who haven’t had withdrawals wouldn’t have a clue what it feels like. It’s impossible to explain. The complexity of it all and the myriad of symptoms is just unbelievable. They would never understand the torture we go through. 

 

It’s a situation where one actually has to be in your body experiencing the same things to totally comprehend this. I guess that’s the case with whatever one goes through.

 

One day a time, onwards and upwards. By the way, I love all your encouraging posts on this site🧡

[Ariel]

@Greatful

Good on you for hangin' in there with your ongoing taper. You are very brave!

Thank you for your support and the healing heart energy you so generously share. 

Sending you grateful hugs and wishing you a peaceful day, or peaceful moments <3

[Greatful]

@Ariel Thanks. I need all the support and encouragement today.  Feeling the neuro emotions of sadness, anger, and the hopelessness of all this.  Like you talk about, who am I, is this me or the WD brain. What is WD normal, what is a window, is that when you feel a little bit of passion and hope for life,  what is my normal cognitive distortion and are they just morphed now.   I feel trapped inside of my head and body.   So tired of the monkey brain and it's paranioa.... 

 

Thanks for the invite to your party, I might have to take a rain check, I don't want to be the debbie downer😒

 

 

 

[Kat66]

12 minutes ago, Greatful said:

@Ariel Thanks. I need all the support and encouragement today.  Feeling the neuro emotions of sadness, anger, and the hopelessness of all this.  Like you talk about, who am I, is this me or the WD brain. What is WD normal, what is a window, is that when you feel a little bit of passion and hope for life,  what is my normal cognitive distortion and are they just morphed now.   I feel trapped inside of my head and body.   So tired of the monkey brain and it's paranioa.... 

I literally could’ve written that myself. The loss of identity and any kind of compass for what’s real or not is devastating. The trapped feeling is nightmarish. I know these feelings only too well. Hang in there my friend one day at a time xxxx

[Ariel]

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

Thanks. I need all the support and encouragement today.  Feeling the neuro emotions of sadness, anger, and the hopelessness of all this.  Like you talk about, who am I, is this me or the WD brain. What is WD normal, what is a window, is that when you feel a little bit of passion and hope for life,  what is my normal cognitive distortion and are they just morphed now.   I feel trapped inside of my head and body.   So tired of the monkey brain and it's paranioa.... 

 

Thanks for the invite to your party, I might have to take a rain check, I don't want to be the debbie downer

 

@Greatful

I'm so sorry you're having a rough day. I hear you on the neuro-emotions, they can be merciless, and the thoughts that come with them.

Sometimes I want to ask, Why are you being so mean to me?  But it's my own brain, so... Sigh. 

What you describe sounds so familiar, all of it. How I wish I could reach across screen and ocean and land and distance and magically relieve your suffering! I hold you in my heart and whisper meditations of healing and peace and respite. 

Please don't ever worry about being a debbie downer. The party is all-inclusive, I can ever get you a sensory deprivation relaxation tank if you want. 

Anyway, this is the party, we're already here. Weirdest party ever, I guess, hahaha -- but best guest list for sure! 

Sending you lots of love, dear kind Greatful

Healing is happening all the time, even when we don't consciously feel it <3

[Ninabird]

@Greatful I am so sorry that you are suffering right now. This whole hellish process @ times seems so unreal. There are times where I daydream about the way my life used to be. 💜

[Greatful]

@Ninabird

Thanks for the support❤️

 

Strange as this my sound I don't want my life to be they way it was before this.  The drugs were not working or they were the problem for years....If I could,  the only thing I would want back would to be from  the ocd paranioa that my brain decided to come up with.  Now it is so hard for me to be with people, even my hubby and children.  The brain is relentless with it's crazy thoughts that feel so real or "what if".    The positive with going down on the drugs is my true me is coming out.   I can't believe how angry and crabby I had become and the disconnect of wanting to be with people.  The mode swings, restlessness,   I know that some insecurities and distorted cognitive thoughts, childhood trauma will still be there but at least I am have to  stop running and learn to face the music.   No more drugs to hide behind.   Funny but it took WD for a lot of things to start making sense to me.  Now I hope heal from this, heal from trauma, and find myself and  let me out of hiding and running.   

 

I'm not joking when I say who am I.  I've been on drugs for at least 25 years or more.😓  I was talking to my therapist, Molly,  yesterday  and started crying when I told her I'm starting to get glimpses of who I was before drugs.  Even with the childhood trauma I was happier inside.  I really hope that I can find myself, get  back to me but be so much more healthier , growing and  healing on  the inside.  I told my Molly a few weeks back growing up is hard to do.  I am 59 years old.🌞

 

[Conner]

Hang in there @Greatful. Sending peace and healing your way. “One day at a time” 

[Ariel]

@Greatful

12 hours ago, Greatful said:

The positive with going down on the drugs is my true me is coming out. 

12 hours ago, Greatful said:

Now I hope heal from this, heal from trauma, and find myself and  let me out of hiding and running.   

 

I'm not joking when I say who am I.  I've been on drugs for at least 25 years or more.😓  I was talking to my therapist, Molly,  yesterday  and started crying when I told her I'm starting to get glimpses of who I was before drugs.  Even with the childhood trauma I was happier inside.  I really hope that I can find myself, get  back to me but be so much more healthier , growing and  healing on  the inside.  I told my Molly a few weeks back growing up is hard to do.  I am 59 years old.🌞

 

I feel so moved by this, dear Greatful. Thank you for sharing. 

 

You will find yourself, you are already well on your way! You are doing the hard work of healing and getting to know yourself and befriending yourself. Soon enough it will become clear (if it isn't already) how beautiful it is to have a best friend like yourself. How lucky to get to be you and have you in your corner! You're an amazing friend. Maybe it doesn't feel like that right now but one day it will click into place and you will fall in love with yourself.  Well not all at once, it's a process, but there are moments of clarity and crystallization along the way. 

 

"Growing up is hard to do," this made me smile. I can relate. The good news is that you are growing and doing the work (as opposed to giving up and stagnating/getting stuck, which many people do and don't even realize). I don't know that we ever "grow up" fully or reach some perfectly mature idealized state. There's only one finish line and that's our own mortality. We are all in constant flux, learning unlearning, oscillating, healing healing healing, moving towards wholeness. 

 

Though I may be delusional (diagnosed and certified!), I feel like I can feel the true you, Greatful, through your words and the light you shine and the heart with which you reach out. And you are beautiful and perfect and so very special just the way you are. <3

[Greatful]

For those of us that live in  USA have you seen we have a  new online   "Hers for Women's Health"

You can get free online consultations for mental health and other things.  

https://www.forhers.com/  They advertise meds.  Not sure if they do the prescribing or send you to someone who can. 

@Erell It seem you found another use for the mind altering wonder drugs  with the hope that we can slow down our  aging skin.  It is amazing how much these mind altering drugs can heal, aging skin,  What's next😬 

This should make big pharma richer😓 and more people sicker.

 

Speaking of secondary uses for drugs.  Since I am on Lamictal and have down a small amount of research on it. 

 During both trials submitted to the FDA for the approval of the anticonvulsant Lamictal (lamotrigine) for treating people diagnosed with bipolar disorder, the researchers changed their primary way of measuring the drug’s effectiveness many times, including once more after the trials were completed. The FDA medical review noted that the drug would have failed to beat placebo if not for the final, last-minute change in what the researchers were measuring.

Source: U.S. Food and Drug Administration. “Medical Review: Lamictal.” (June, 2003)

 

Sadly it works on glutamate and gaba, and messes with serotonin, dopamine

Lamictal also binds and weakly inhibits several other signaling receptors in the brain, including those to which dopamine and serotonin normally bind. By inhibiting these receptors, signaling in the brain is “tuned down,” or reduced, which can also decrease seizure activity

Why would they me give a ssri to increase serotonin and then give Lamictal that can inhibit serotonin?  Do the doctors know what they are doing.....

 Lamotrigine enhances the release of gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA), an inhibitory neurotransmitter that attenuates neuronal electrical activity associated with paroxysms.

  researchers have found that lamotrigine also inhibits release of the neurotransmitter glutamate

 

This is from the story WHAT IS HAPPENING IN YOUR BRAIN

 

GABA is inhibitory.  If a nerve releases GABA - it is to Inhibit function - this could be to "slow it down" or it could be to "limit the sensory input" so that we can process it.  In the same way, GABA might be released to help "steady" your hand while doing something like painting a very detailed painting.  GABA "shores up" movements to make them more fluid.   That's just in a nutshell. Of COURSE it does a lot more than this, but the idea is that GABA is present in the ENTIRE CNS and ALWAYS working to balance every sensation, movement, etc.

 Likewise, Glutamate is the balance to GABA. It is the "excitatory" transmitter. It fires to speed things up - to initiate action - to make things "go".  There's a lot more to it, but Glutamate is kinda the opposite of GABA.   

 BOTH are required to work at all times.  Neurons are ALL ALWAYS firing off GABA and Glutamate on an endless cycle all throughout the nervous system. It's quite amazing really.

Oh - and by the way - serotonin HELPS TELL THE NERVES WHEN TO RELEASE GABA AND GLUTAMATE! Ha!

So on top of needing GABA to make serotonin, you need serotonin to regulate the release of GABA into the system! 

How much more interconnected can you get?

 

So here is my rant......I am on lexapro (serotonin) Lamictal (gaba, glutamate, serotonin, dopamine)

Xanax (gaba) and Trazodone ( serotonin) 

What's wrong with these doctors.  How much are these drugs  fighting against each other.  Part of me is angry and then other part feels so deflated by what I am putting into my body.   Do you think the doctors really know the actual functions of these drugs?  How can you not wonder or think twice when combining drugs.

If it true our brains are always trying to find out how to function on these drugs( fighting the drugs)  The chaos in my poor brain has got to be a continual battle, each fighting the other.  should be making serotonin, releasing more gaba or suppressing my glutamate,   Picture chemicals flying all over the place not knowing where to go and what to do.

I am going to go with that's why I am so crazy, mood swings, then add on WD and adverse effects. 

 

@ArielI guess you might have to find referees for your BBQ pool party.  Or maybe we have to vetted before we come LOL   single drug users over here, if you talk 2-3 drugs over here 4 or more watch from behind the gate 🤢  

 

Ahhhh that  felt good

 

 

[Ariel]

5 minutes ago, Greatful said:

I guess you might have to find referees for your BBQ pool party.  Or maybe we have to vetted before we come LOL   single drug users over here, if you talk 2-3 drugs over here 4 or more watch from behind the gate 🤢

 

@Greatful

Shall we think up a cathartic party game for you? 
Maybe we could set up some punching bags labeled FDA and Big Pharma and you could give them a proper work-over!

Or we could organize an anti-psychiatry protest and go for a march?

 

You are always welcome to show up in the fullness of your experience <3

 

I appreciate your righteous anger. It is justified and can be harnessed as a force for good!

Have you seen whatisbrain's recent post?

Would you find it helpful to rant/vent/write/take action in the way whatisbrain does?

Maybe channeling that energy and turning it outward into the world would feel meaningful. 

(No pressure at all, I know you've got plenty to think about and deal with as is. Not a suggestion, just a question/thought.)

 

 

You are brave and strong and fierce, Greatful! I wouldn't wanna mess with you.

Whoever's on the receiving end of your wrath better watch out! (and I mean that in the best way possible)

Sending you hugs <3

[Greatful]

Update:

the horrible wave of depression and hopelessness is diminishing, yeah, but the skeptic in me is holding out for the next wave. 

I am going to start my reduction of my lexapro on Wednesday .02ml a day for 15 days. 

 

I am happy to say adverse effects are going down but still having up ticks with the drops.  So far still better than 2 months ago.

It just gets hard when the wave hits and your thoughts tell you this is it, this is you, you will never get better, you need drugs, your brain is damaged.......You know the list😬

 

 To be honest I am scared most  everyday, how am I going to get off of ALL these drugs, can I heal.  The never ending story in my brain, who am I without these drugs,  what is WD brain and what is me.  These drugs have been a crutch for soooooo many years.  For the most part they didn't fix me LOL  but somehow they were a comfort because I thought I needed them.  Thankfully my hubby reminds me that they were not really helping me.  Then I argue that at least" most" of the time I could" semi function", now I am dysfunctional.  So I am counting on the drugs were making me sicker and  once my body adjust to  being drug free I will be so much more me.........before drugs. Yeah some anxiety and I can't remember if I had  depression or just your typical ups and downs.  But at least "me" brain was all there. I'm  learning CBT and how to deal with trauma. 

 

I don't post much about me because I can be a debbie downer, I struggle with staying positive.  Also I  worry about sounding to needy.    I hope to be more open and let the me out LOL

 

United we stand❤️

 

[Ariel]

9 minutes ago, Greatful said:

It just gets hard when the wave hits and your thoughts tell you this is it, this is you, you will never get better, you need drugs, your brain is damaged.......You know the list

9 minutes ago, Greatful said:

To be honest I am scared most  everyday, how am I going to get off of ALL these drugs, can I heal.  The never ending story in my brain, who am I without these drugs,  what is WD brain and what is me. 

Dear dear Greatful,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish I could take all the pain and waves away and remove all the drugs and awful effects! 

 

It must be very challenging dealing with 4 meds at once, not only physically in terms of WD and tapering, but also psychologically because you are having to take these drugs every day, day after day. I can only imagine that it must be very difficult sometimes to keep taking these meds knowing that you want so badly to be done with them, knowing how they have harmed you. I think that's a very hard thing to go through every single day, even though rationally you have a plan, still it must take up some space in your mind, those minutes of the day that you take your meds.

 

I don't know how it is for you, of course, I'm guessing and don't want to assume. I've never tapered properly. CT is horrible and I don't recommend it but perhaps the only good thing I can say about it is that at least I don't have to face new drug doses every day. Even though the consequences of the drugs rule my life, I am not faced with that action of taking my meds, and I think that does provide some relief. 

 

So I think you are going through a very hard thing on every level -- physical, mental, emotional, physiological, psychological, existential -- and on top of everything else the WD is surfacing trauma history. My goodness. You are incredibly strong and brave to be getting through this! Please, please give yourself lots of credit. Imagine if it were someone else, a beloved friend or child or maybe your spouse, if they were going through what you are going through -- you'd think the world of them and be so proud and in awe of their hard work!

 

And throughout all this, you manage to be so kind and compassionate, and you offer such beautiful, staunch support to all of us here, you help us so much. This community would not be the same without you. You are important, and you make a difference in the world. You matter. 

 

I get all those thoughts, too, that this is me, this is my damaged brain, that I'm doomed, my life is over, etc. Those are horrible, nasty WD thoughts and I know how powerful and haunting they can be. If you read my posts in my thread from the past week you will see that I was really struggling and then suddenly one morning I woke up and felt okay and knew with perfect serenity that all those stupid thoughts are WD and not me. The very same applies to you -- from my own recent experience I'm telling you, you're okay in there, underneath all the WD dirt and slime, you are clean as a whistle and pure and true. I'm very sorry that it's so hard to feel and know that right now; but just because we can't consciously feel it doesn't mean it's not there. We have to keep reminding ourselves and each other that we are indeed okay on the inside, where it counts, where WD can't get to us. All that WD stuff is choppy waters on the surface of the ocean, the waves can never even begin to touch the profound stillness and integrity of the depths of the ocean. The waves think they are so important and that the ocean is all about them, well the waves are wrong. 

 

I believe in you, Greatful. You got this. 

Healing is happening all the time, even when we don't consciously feel it.

Sending lots of love,

A. 

[Believer]

Hi @Greatful

Thank you for posting your reality, you’re not a Debbie downer. You are doing every positive thing you can to help you along this journey, while being supportive to others. That’s huge! And as one of the recipients of your kindness, THANK YOU.

 

I never really thought about taking my drug for all these years, I bought into the garbage theory. Not until I did a med change and had an adverse reaction when my PCP told me Zoloft had stopped working (I was having occasional, minor brain zaps only), did I start investigating the effects of these drugs. Oh Boy…..

 

I know the way I feel since changing/switching back and now tapering is no where near what I felt going on the drug for mild situational depression, but I too have to remind myself, far too often, that this all drug related because I never felt like this prior. I never questioned how I felt because I never felt all these crappy symptoms and had these awful thoughts. I think you can trust that “the drugs are your problem”. Accepting that and living through it is tough though. And you are doing it. 
 

Please be more open and “let you out”. This is the place to do it and we are here for you.

 

🤗 Believer

[Greatful]

@Ariel  Thank you so much for that wonderful note of encouragement.  

 

  I am smiling right now, think about how you woke up and saw the window was open and didn't you feel almost energetic right before?  That's how I feel today. the morning not so good but as the day went on the depression lifted and I feel more alive.  Then the skeptic or should I say the monkey brain steps in and says well maybe you are bipolar and this is a hypomanic episode.  Ugh Shut UP MONKEY BRAIN.    I am my own worst enemy😬 

[Escitalopram21]

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

don't post much about me because I can be a debbie downer, I struggle with staying positive.  Also I  worry about sounding to needy.    I hope to be more open and let the me out LOL

Please dear Greatful. You are most certainly not a debbie downer. As many others said before me, you are a blessing to this community and to all of us. Please know that you are doing a great job with your tapering, dealing with trauma and on top of all of this beeing a great encouragement to so many of us. Please share more and let us care for you as you care for all of us ❤️ And wow, cheering för you with the Lexapro taper so happy to hear you are doing better! Lexapro is not fun and games.

 

warm hugs!

[ChromeChinchilla]

Just popping in to say hi and echo what others are saying. It's hard for people to see themselves clearly at the best of times, let along while going through this garbage. You are most certainty not a Debbie downer, quite the opposite, your attitude is in inspiration, but at the same time, don't think that means you can't vent or complain, this process is certainty vent worthy. 

Wishing you comfort and healing and a nice, steady and comfortable taper. ❤️

[Greatful]

@Believer @Escitalopram21  Thank you, it warms my heart that you are there for me.

As you both know this is a unexplainable journey we are on.  

We can hold each other up in good time and bad.❤️🌞