Ariel: protracted withdrawal and PAWS

[unblocktheplanet]

Dear Ariel, there are so many here who think of you with great tenderness and healing. Your compassionate voice has moved us all. It’s no exaggeration to say I think of you every single day and hold you in the light. Wishing you comfort and safety.

 

 

Your Thai penpal, CJ

[Carmie]

Hi Ariel, 

 

You are much loved on this site. I hope you are doing okay💛

[SunnyRainyDays]

Hope you are doing well kind human. Wish you the best 🔆

[Ariel]

Hi,

 

I haven't been able to actively participate on SA for some time... Please know I think about you every day and send love and gratitude and healing vibes to all my friends here. I hold you in my heart and trust in our healing, both collective and individual. 

 

In celebration of Winter Solstice I wanted to stop by and share that things are moving in the right direction... Healing is happening, it's been happening the whole time and I'm starting to really feel it. There's still a ways to go, and at the same time it's clear I've come so far. 

 

If you are reading this in a wave or in the early stages of acute withdrawal: Hang in there, it gets better! 

 

Thank you with all my heart to everyone here, all the moderators, administrators, mentors, and fellow members -- past and present -- who co-create/curate this remarkable community/resource. You are changing lives, you are changing the world for the better, you are making a real difference. 

 

I don't know if/when I'll be back in or in what capacity. Nevertheless, I hold you in my heart and prayers and give thanks for you every day. 

Healing is happening, even when we don't consciously feel it -- one day, one moment, one breath at a time. 

 

Wishing everyone a peaceful winter solstice and a happy, healthy, healing, wholesome new year.

I love you, keep going! 

A.

 

 

 

[wantrelief]

@Ariel, Oh wow It is really wonderful to hear from you!!  I think about you often.  I must admit I was quite concerned when you hadn't written for such a long time so it is a real relief to read your message and what a gift your message is......

 

1 hour ago, Ariel said:

things are moving in the right direction... Healing is happening, it's been happening the whole time and I'm starting to really feel it. There's still a ways to go, and at the same time it's clear I've come so far. 

I am so very happy to hear all of the above!!  Thank you for sharing this with us as your experience brings a lot of comfort, that healing is indeed happening even if we can't feel it. Thank you for taking the time to let us know that better times do await us if we persevere. You have had such a long and arduous journey.....I am so so happy your courage and bravery are paying off. It has made my day to read your words, Ariel.

 

Sending you lots and lots of love, WR 

[Happy2Heal]

ditto what WR said

It is so good to hear from you!
I've missed you so much

 

and ditto to what you wrote, as well!

yes this is an incredible resource with so many wonderful people.

 

I know I'm not alone is missing you and being concerned how you were going

so glad things are coming along 

 

have a wonderful holiday and best wishes for a bright and healthy New Year 

[Doctorsrcrap]

I wondered where you had gone! I'm so pleased to see your update! Its so funny how I can be so happy to hear such a positive update from someone I've never met but your story was one I was drawn to when I joined this site. 

I hope you reach full recovery soon! 

[Erimus]

Glad you’re okay @Ariel. 

[Phoenixmama]

@Ariel 💕☀️

[Faure]

Thank you for letting us know how you’re doing. It’s so lovely to hear from you ☺️

[Mdawg]

❤️🙏🏻☮️

[Ariel]

Hello,

I've got an anniversary coming up and may do a more extensive update soon. In the meantime I've updated my signature to reflect current drug/supplement status.

 

Main change is that, after using melatonin for a couple of years to help with falling asleep, I stopped at the end of March 2023, i.e. over a year ago. There was a time, while I was using melatonin, when I was a bit anxious as to whether/how I'd be able to stop when the time came. For anyone with similar concerns, I'm happy to report that melatonin cessation was entirely undramatic, unproblematic, and uneventful. My body let me know that it was no longer necessary, I stopped taking it from one day/night to the next, and haven't taken it since. No worries whatsoever. 

 

As mentioned, I was using melatonin to help get to sleep. It was very effective for this purpose. For the past year, post-melatonin, I've been able to reliably fall asleep on my own. I've had great success with audio cues, which I don't always use but they do help when I want/need them. The basic principle is the same as having a fall-asleep routine (as with a baby), you condition your system to respond to certain cues. Choose any audio track that suits your needs and play it consistently at the same designated bedtime every night for a series of nights. Eventually your system will learn that, when given this stimulus (along with any other cues, e.g. blackout-curtain darkness, cool temperature, elevated headrest, or whatever works for you), the system responds with falling asleep. I do best with a human voice speaking fairly monotonously about something I'm only mildly interested in (should be neither too boring nor too engaging or my mind will perk up, it's a Goldilocks sort of "just right" target). Some audiobooks have had this effect, though it depends entirely on the narrator/reader. Music doesn't work for me as an audio cue putting me to sleep. 

 

Moreover, general improvements to sleep are certainly happening. Healing is gradual and undeniable. Overall, both sleep quality and quantity have improved. I now probably sleep, on average, about 6 hours a night, approx. 10pm-4am. There are occasional worse nights or waves of poor sleep where it's more like 11pm-2am, where quality also declines drastically. That stinks, of course, and at the same time, I've been doing this long enough that I know I'll get through and so the experience of it feels less agonizing, it's easier to accept and float through. On the whole, there are significantly fewer incidents of waking up in a state of panic, decreased cortisol-spike/waking-anxiety, and longer stretches at a time of staying asleep (currently usually able to sleep for approx. 3 hours at a time between waking to pee or for any other reason). Once in a while I'm able to sleep about 7 hours in one night! And sometimes I can nap during the day, either in the morning after breakfast or in the afternoon after lunch, which is always welcome and delicious. So while of course I can still fantasize about being able to sleep 8-9 hours straight through with restful, refreshing sleep (please, thank you, amen), it's clear there are significant improvements in this area, and not a day/night goes by that I don't feel grateful for what is indeed available at this time. 

 

I continue to eschew caffeine, alcohol, sugar, and other stimulating substances. I find that my gut / what I eat has a direct and overwhelming impact on sleep capacity/quality, and it is of the essence that I stick with foods which are supportive to my system. I will be honest and say that I do regularly yearn for the effects of caffeine or some other "upper", as one of my most prominent, pervasive symptoms is overwhelming fatigue, demotivation, and difficulty doing anything. However, through a few very cautious experiments with caffeine (e.g. some weak decaffeinated green tea early in the morning), it's clear that my system is very sensitive to it, and the CNS-stimulation response has a backlash in the form of increased WD symptoms such as anxiety, DP/DR, excessive sweating, dissociation, and negative effects on sleep. So I continue to steer clear. 

 

To everyone here, I think about you every day and send healing vibes your way.

Healing is happening, even when we don't consciously feel it! 

 

Love and gratitude, in solidarity and support, 

A.