Ariel: protracted withdrawal and PAWS

[Believer]

Hi @Ariel

Thinking about you. 🤗 I hope you are going okay.

Believer

[souim]

Hi Ariel,

 

Thinking of you. Love reading your posts, they are always so insightful and moving.

Anyway, hope you're doing okay. ❤️

[Ariel]

@Dan998

 

I so often think of your comment --

 

On 6/17/2022 at 3:44 PM, Dan998 said:

 

Perhaps the monkey is getting desperate because it realises that it is going to lose?

 

-- and send gratitude and good wishes in your direction. 

 

Thank you <3

[Healingcontinues]

Thinking of you today. I did a gratitude meditation this morning and you were vividly in my mind. I just wanted to stop by and thank you for your continued kindness to so many others on here, me included. You’re a gem.  I hope that the improvements with your sleep have continued, that you have  had some moments of peace from the rest and that this day brings you some form of joy. Big hug ❤️

[Ariel]

Earlier today something happened in my little WD bubble that left me disproportionately affected. 

 

There was a family get-together planned for tomorrow. 

This morning my father called to suggest we meet today instead of tomorrow. 

 

My first impulse was to mobilize and I heard myself saying, Yeah sure, I could probably be there in two hours from now. 

As I was saying that, I felt my brain go fuzzy and I started to feel dizzy and I realized that I felt confused and overwhelmed. 

 

I managed to say, Actually, you know what? May I just check in with my body about this to see how I feel, whether it's doable? And then I'll get back to you with an answer? Because I'm not sure in this moment what would be best, I need some time to process. 

(or something along those lines)

 

So I hung up the phone and sat there in a daze. I felt completely disoriented and fatigued by the mere suggestion of a change of plans. I could not wrap my mind around it. It was like I'd lost my bearings in time and space and suddenly I wasn't even sure what day it was: Is it today or tomorrow? Is it yesterday? I started to feel upset. 

 

I texted my father that I'd prefer to stick with the plan and meet tomorrow as scheduled. 

 

My mind continued to spin for hours afterwards, thoroughly upended by this unexpected information from my father and our exchange. 

And the thing is -- nothing had actually happened. The whole thing was a non-event. 

 

A change of plans was proposed, and I declined, and so ultimately nothing was altered. We are set to meet tomorrow as originally intended.

And yet -- I spent the rest of the morning and afternoon feeling fundamentally destabilized. I felt uneasy, upset, wobbly, weepy, confused, dissociated; and there wasn't much I could do about it.

 

It was like my brain could not differentiate between the idea of a possibility of something -- a thought -- and the reality of it. For hours my system felt so activated that it seemed like I might as well have gone with the flow and changed plans, because my body seemed to interpret it that way anyway. My brain-body reaction was so strange, and entirely beyond my control.

 

And the kicker is, this is an example where I was able to say, Hang on, let me take a moment, okay I can't do that. Which has taken me years -- literally years -- of practice and learning the hard way through experience (I'm in protracted withdrawal, so I've got plenty of time to practice!).

 

Such a simple thing, and a relative success, and still my brain goes from zero to discombobulated in an instant -- and stays there.

My stress levels spiked, my thoughts and emotions started to spiral.

All day today I've been off-rhythm, thrown by a simple, innocuous phone conversation that lasted all of two minutes. WTF. Or, WD_TF.

 

*

 

Routines, appointments, scheduling, repetition matter so much to me during these years.

 

I am physiologically unable to plan ahead more than a week or two at a time; my brain cannot comprehend a longer timeline -- past approximately 10 days, it all becomes too abstract and simply doesn't compute. At the same time, in my day-to-day operations, I rely heavily on the meager yet indispensable structure provided by knowing more or less what the day will bring. 

 

I do not handle surprises well, same goes for improvisation or situations that call for spontaneous, on-the-spot processing and decision-making. When I say I don't handle it well, I mean that my brain balks and my mind walks -- and I am left like a deer in headlights, in freeze mode, blank and unable to process or respond, let alone act. It is very unpleasant and very impractical. In the moment it's an experience of incapacity and not-functioning. Afterwards there's usually a complex stress response (the other side of "freeze", I suppose, or a thaw of sorts, where everything drips and icicles crack off and shatter against the ground), more often than not accompanied by a flood of neuro-emotion and torrential thoughts about some version of how broken my brain/body/life is. It is unfun and beyond my control and requires concerted effort to clumsily cope my way through, which I'm not sure counts as coping much of the time.

 

If there's something I have to do, such as an official appointment, an errand, or meeting with someone, I want know at least a few days ahead of time (but not more than 10-14 days ahead). This gives me a chance to get used to the idea, to get a feel for how that day will play out, to make any necessary adjustments to plans for the days before and after in order to allow for adequate time and space for rest, errands, preparation, etc. I sometimes practice the event in my mind, not so much visualization/simulation (which my brain is not so keen on these days; I have some kind of aphantasia or aphantasia-adjacent block that impacts/limits many creative/generative cognitive functions), more like preemptive acclimatisation and deescalation. It's difficult to articulate, it's like there's an underlying biorhythm that's very important for me to heed, and I have to really focus to hear it, and I'd better not cross it or else all hell breaks loose. It's been like this for years. The governing undercurrent is in constant flux, and things work best when I'm tuned into it (which is definitely not always the case). My system requires/requests a certain base level of sameness, predictability, stability and does not appreciate challenges to the status quo. Whenever I try to poke at the boundaries a little my brain/body make their disapproval known in more or less dramatic ways. 

 

This is slippery for me to put into words because I experience it as (something akin to) interoceptive bodily signaling on a non-verbal level. There have been times when I have mistakenly perceived/interpreted/judged this need as anxiety-driven compulsion to control, but have found again and again that this is not accurate. It is not a question of mind imposing rules and responding to alternatives with ego-defensive rigidity. It is not something that can be transcended via spiritual practice of non-attachment. I have tried to finagle and finesse from all conceivable angles and it is not psychological, mental, emotional, spiritual at root (and not not). It has to do with some primal need of the organism, essentially having to do with safety and stability and survival, something perhaps translatable to issuing a memo with instructions for optimal growing/healing/operating conditions. I cannot think of a more apt descriptor than biorhythm, although it is not that (and also not not that). It is as essential as scaffolding, and when it is compromised, there's no telling what will fall on my head. There's also the issue of reaching the limits of what my brain is able to process; not a lot of flexibility there, the borders seem brittle and non-negotiable, and when something, anything, is perceived as threatening to breach the perimeter, it's all systems go for high alert self-protection mode. Once that alarm gets set off, the stress response takes over and I cannot override it. I can only try to hang on and get through it and if I'm lucky not exacerbate it. 

 

It's f*cking exhausting. 

 

Let me emphasize, my days are not logistically demanding or complicated. Nothing happens. I am alone most of the time, doing exceedingly little. I have almost no external responsibilities or concrete challenges to speak of, virtually no pressure to perform. I do not live a life in which I have to juggle my schedule or anyone else's for that matter. And yet, it most often feels like a high-wire act of spinning plates while throwing and dodging boomerang knives and swallowing swords all while riding a unicycle across a flaming tightrope with no safety net -- just to coordinate the simplest of meetings or plot out a banal errand. If a wrench is tossed into the mix, e.g. an unexpected phone call suggesting out of the blue that a get-together be moved up from tomorrow to later today, it completely decimates any semblance of equilibrium and stuns me to shreds, confounding me to a non-functional, unrecognizable mess on the floor.  

 

I wonder whether my current brain development stage is comparable to that of a child at some particular phase in their development. Or I sometimes think of Dustin Hoffman's character in the movie "Rain Man" (a portrayal which has been widely criticized; I do not address that here, I'm merely referencing the performance such as it is) and how he has a meltdown at the slightest deviation from his schedule or habits. My brain is a lot like that these years. 

 

There's something to be said for getting to know one's brain via an extended embodied experience of being locked in the proverbial panic room that is the mind in WD (does that make sense? I can't tell, I'm too tired) -- I mean, getting to know the brain from the inside out based on what it suddenly cannot do/perform, countless tasks one took for granted before or which one never knew existed as such. Negative space exploration of ability/possibility, deductive making acquaintance. It's not uninteresting. It's also not my favorite. 

[unblocktheplanet]

Wow, Ariel, what presence of mind you had! Instead of reacting in the same old groove—after all, he’s your father—you weren’t shy about checking in with yourself first. What do I know, I’m an amateur, but that sure sounds like a strong sign of healing to me.

 

Your reaction has got to be one of those neuro-emotions. When I’m wavy, planning for, even thinking about let alone actual social contact seems to make me intensely uncomfortable, with all the reactions you describe.

 

I always question whether regularity (ha! Ex-Lax!) is important/crucial. That’s what I do in waves & I don’t change it much in windows. On the other hand, I was never that strict with myself before in my life (back when I was, you know, fun) & it kind of makes me feel like a dullard. (Better to be calm, though!)

 

Yeah, yikes, change of plans just when hanging on by nail-salon nails (and I’m not that kind of guy!). Yep, freeze: now what? Errands, for me, are really hard. Discomfort over spending the smallest money.

 

Aphantasia, isn’t that Walt Disney (on LSD!)? (Hm, not the one with Ariel!) Find I can force myself there but it’s sure not pretty. Dunno, faking it just isn’t fun.

 

I, too, have few responsibilities or challenges but changes, or even erroneous perceptions, make me the mixed metaphor of spreading Silly Putty trying not to become shattered mercury.

 

This one sure rang true for me, A. I feel you, it’s visceral, eh.

 

Must watch Rain Man again!

 

Lots of support for you from way out here…

 

 

CJ

[DazzlingCold]

17 hours ago, Ariel said:

Earlier today something happened in my little WD bubble that left me disproportionately affected. 

 

There was a family get-together planned for tomorrow. 

This morning my father called to suggest we meet today instead of tomorrow. 

 

My first impulse was to mobilize and I heard myself saying, Yeah sure, I could probably be there in two hours from now. 

As I was saying that, I felt my brain go fuzzy and I started to feel dizzy and I realized that I felt confused and overwhelmed. 

 

I managed to say, Actually, you know what? May I just check in with my body about this to see how I feel, whether it's doable? And then I'll get back to you with an answer? Because I'm not sure in this moment what would be best, I need some time to process. 

(or something along those lines)

 

So I hung up the phone and sat there in a daze. I felt completely disoriented and fatigued by the mere suggestion of a change of plans. I could not wrap my mind around it. It was like I'd lost my bearings in time and space and suddenly I wasn't even sure what day it was: Is it today or tomorrow? Is it yesterday? I started to feel upset. 

 

I texted my father that I'd prefer to stick with the plan and meet tomorrow as scheduled. 

 

My mind continued to spin for hours afterwards, thoroughly upended by this unexpected information from my father and our exchange. 

And the thing is -- nothing had actually happened. The whole thing was a non-event. 

 

A change of plans was proposed, and I declined, and so ultimately nothing was altered. We are set to meet tomorrow as originally intended.

And yet -- I spent the rest of the morning and afternoon feeling fundamentally destabilized. I felt uneasy, upset, wobbly, weepy, confused, dissociated; and there wasn't much I could do about it.

 

It was like my brain could not differentiate between the idea of a possibility of something -- a thought -- and the reality of it. For hours my system felt so activated that it seemed like I might as well have gone with the flow and changed plans, because my body seemed to interpret it that way anyway. My brain-body reaction was so strange, and entirely beyond my control.

 

And the kicker is, this is an example where I was able to say, Hang on, let me take a moment, okay I can't do that. Which has taken me years -- literally years -- of practice and learning the hard way through experience (I'm in protracted withdrawal, so I've got plenty of time to practice!).

 

Such a simple thing, and a relative success, and still my brain goes from zero to discombobulated in an instant -- and stays there.

My stress levels spiked, my thoughts and emotions started to spiral.

All day today I've been off-rhythm, thrown by a simple, innocuous phone conversation that lasted all of two minutes. WTF. Or, WD_TF.

 

*

 

Routines, appointments, scheduling, repetition matter so much to me during these years.

 

I am physiologically unable to plan ahead more than a week or two at a time; my brain cannot comprehend a longer timeline -- past approximately 10 days, it all becomes too abstract and simply doesn't compute. At the same time, in my day-to-day operations, I rely heavily on the meager yet indispensable structure provided by knowing more or less what the day will bring. 

 

I do not handle surprises well, same goes for improvisation or situations that call for spontaneous, on-the-spot processing and decision-making. When I say I don't handle it well, I mean that my brain balks and my mind walks -- and I am left like a deer in headlights, in freeze mode, blank and unable to process or respond, let alone act. It is very unpleasant and very impractical. In the moment it's an experience of incapacity and not-functioning. Afterwards there's usually a complex stress response (the other side of "freeze", I suppose, or a thaw of sorts, where everything drips and icicles crack off and shatter against the ground), more often than not accompanied by a flood of neuro-emotion and torrential thoughts about some version of how broken my brain/body/life is. It is unfun and beyond my control and requires concerted effort to clumsily cope my way through, which I'm not sure counts as coping much of the time.

 

If there's something I have to do, such as an official appointment, an errand, or meeting with someone, I want know at least a few days ahead of time (but not more than 10-14 days ahead). This gives me a chance to get used to the idea, to get a feel for how that day will play out, to make any necessary adjustments to plans for the days before and after in order to allow for adequate time and space for rest, errands, preparation, etc. I sometimes practice the event in my mind, not so much visualization/simulation (which my brain is not so keen on these days; I have some kind of aphantasia or aphantasia-adjacent block that impacts/limits many creative/generative cognitive functions), more like preemptive acclimatisation and deescalation. It's difficult to articulate, it's like there's an underlying biorhythm that's very important for me to heed, and I have to really focus to hear it, and I'd better not cross it or else all hell breaks loose. It's been like this for years. The governing undercurrent is in constant flux, and things work best when I'm tuned into it (which is definitely not always the case). My system requires/requests a certain base level of sameness, predictability, stability and does not appreciate challenges to the status quo. Whenever I try to poke at the boundaries a little my brain/body make their disapproval known in more or less dramatic ways. 

 

This is slippery for me to put into words because I experience it as (something akin to) interoceptive bodily signaling on a non-verbal level. There have been times when I have mistakenly perceived/interpreted/judged this need as anxiety-driven compulsion to control, but have found again and again that this is not accurate. It is not a question of mind imposing rules and responding to alternatives with ego-defensive rigidity. It is not something that can be transcended via spiritual practice of non-attachment. I have tried to finagle and finesse from all conceivable angles and it is not psychological, mental, emotional, spiritual at root (and not not). It has to do with some primal need of the organism, essentially having to do with safety and stability and survival, something perhaps translatable to issuing a memo with instructions for optimal growing/healing/operating conditions. I cannot think of a more apt descriptor than biorhythm, although it is not that (and also not not that). It is as essential as scaffolding, and when it is compromised, there's no telling what will fall on my head. There's also the issue of reaching the limits of what my brain is able to process; not a lot of flexibility there, the borders seem brittle and non-negotiable, and when something, anything, is perceived as threatening to breach the perimeter, it's all systems go for high alert self-protection mode. Once that alarm gets set off, the stress response takes over and I cannot override it. I can only try to hang on and get through it and if I'm lucky not exacerbate it. 

 

It's f*cking exhausting. 

 

Let me emphasize, my days are not logistically demanding or complicated. Nothing happens. I am alone most of the time, doing exceedingly little. I have almost no external responsibilities or concrete challenges to speak of, virtually no pressure to perform. I do not live a life in which I have to juggle my schedule or anyone else's for that matter. And yet, it most often feels like a high-wire act of spinning plates while throwing and dodging boomerang knives and swallowing swords all while riding a unicycle across a flaming tightrope with no safety net -- just to coordinate the simplest of meetings or plot out a banal errand. If a wrench is tossed into the mix, e.g. an unexpected phone call suggesting out of the blue that a get-together be moved up from tomorrow to later today, it completely decimates any semblance of equilibrium and stuns me to shreds, confounding me to a non-functional, unrecognizable mess on the floor.  

 

I wonder whether my current brain development stage is comparable to that of a child at some particular phase in their development. Or I sometimes think of Dustin Hoffman's character in the movie "Rain Man" (a portrayal which has been widely criticized; I do not address that here, I'm merely referencing the performance such as it is) and how he has a meltdown at the slightest deviation from his schedule or habits. My brain is a lot like that these years. 

 

There's something to be said for getting to know one's brain via an extended embodied experience of being locked in the proverbial panic room that is the mind in WD (does that make sense? I can't tell, I'm too tired) -- I mean, getting to know the brain from the inside out based on what it suddenly cannot do/perform, countless tasks one took for granted before or which one never knew existed as such. Negative space exploration of ability/possibility, deductive making acquaintance. It's not uninteresting. It's also not my favorite. 

@Ariellet me start by saying that I don’t think I have heard/read/met too many people with your ability to articulate so well (more so consider you are in the midst of withdrawal). I truly enjoy reading you. You do an exceptional job at describing your experiences to where I am able to really see where you are at as you describe things. You seem to know yourself so well even through dissociation, etc…

I am sorry for the negative experiences you mentioned. It’s not fun. What you describe as the root of what you feel in regards to change of plans makes sense. As I read you sharing about that, moments when I have had to just worry about a closer time period (not too far in the future) come to mind. Those were times were I have felt most overwhelmed. And it’s ok. I can see, and have experienced, how exhausting it can be. 

i am happy for the boundaries you are setting for yourself. Such a good example of self kindness and love. It’s a big accomplishment, specially considering it’s taken years to get there. I bet you are proud of yourself. I am proud of you, my friend. 
Sending relief and healing vibes your way.

[Heath]

@Ariel So sorry you are in a tough place!
You are a great inspiration that you can see and feel what is going on and make that decision to take care of yourself! 

Sending healing vibes and prayers your way! 💪

[Onmyway]

Sweet Ariel, 

I am hoping that you are doing well and sending you big hugs from across seas and countries. 

OMW

[wantrelief]

 

On 8/20/2022 at 4:55 PM, Ariel said:

It's f*cking exhausting.

This sums it up perfectly. But you are doing it, navigating through this all as best you can.  I am in awe of your strength, Ariel.  I am thinking of you and sending lots of good thoughts your way, WR.

 

[Faure]

On 8/21/2022 at 12:55 AM, Ariel said:

There was a family get-together planned for tomorrow. 

This morning my father called to suggest we meet today instead of tomorrow. 

Wow, as soon as I got to this bit I thought “oh no, a change of plan, that isn’t possible”!!! And that was my reaction, for me, who isn’t in PAWS and has actually been feeling pretty good lately.  So I can see that for you this felt like an unmitigated disaster.  Isn’t it great that you were able to stand up to your father (a person you (probably) find it incredibly hard to say no to) and say no, actually I need xyz and can’t change the plan. You were able to put yourself first, and not sacrifice yourself for his needs and requests. He was not putting you first in his request. Also the fact that he accepted your no must also be progress from him?  Well done 👏👍

 

I’m sorry it has had such a bad effect on you anyway, but I’m sure this will really help build you back up - you checked in with how you felt, you acknowledged it and you put yourself first. You can look after yourself in unexpected circumstances, you can say no, you can do this. And do you know what, the world doesn’t end because we say no! Amazingly people accept it and it’s ok. 
 

How do you feel about it now?

[DazzlingCold]

@Ariel I have been thinking of your this week as you are so good at connecting with others. Been struggling as my desire to connect has decreased significantly. I wonder how you do it. 
On the last comment you left for me as I was doubting my coping skills you said something I loved along the lines of “f*ck getting through this with grace! I’m just trying to get through this!” And on my side, you seem most graceful inspite all the struggles you experience. On this note, inside (and secretly) I don’t like to wish people they are doing good because there’s a huge expectation to always be good lol. It can be exhausting. I also don’t wish people bad though. I think you get my point. So, in hopes to not put that pressure on you, but always wishing everyone the best, I want to close my brief visit to you with an… I hope that whatever this week has brought, and will bring, is of use to you. Hugs 🤗  

[almuPA]

Dear @Ariel,

 

Reading you is such a joy. I need to find the right time to do it, just like I do with my favourite books, so I can let every word sink in and learn from them.

 

Your experiences (unfortunatelly for all of us in WD) are so relatable, but you have the capacity to put the right words to them, so we can all feel so validated and even relieved when reading them. Like: "hey, I went through that x time ago!". 

 

I am so happy that you could say "no" to the change of plans. Maybe it was not easy, maybe, as you said, it was f***** exhausting. But you did it. You stopped yourself when you were already changing the plans in your mind and thought and did what was best for you. You should be proud of yourself. I am not an expert, but to me that is a proof that you are doing progress. Your were able to stop your brain in a situation that I am sure was very stressful and instead of "going with the flow" of the situation and saying yes, which is the easiest thing, you did not. Thats a big step. 

 

I wonder how your symptoms are. Have you experienced any changes? I've read that you reduced your melatonin dosage with no major issues. Thats great, also. 

 

I send you a big hug, dear Ariel. You are in my thoughts even though I dont write as much as I should.

 

 

 

[Knosretep]

Hi @Ariel

 

I read your recent post about how you reacted to the "non-event" of the proposal of changing plans by your father.  I'm sorry to see how much turmoil such a thing can cause for you, but I also wanted to let you know that before reading that post, I just previously read the "About Me" section on your profile.  Despite the dysregulation that proposal caused, your writing about it is so much more ordered, cleaner, clearer, and coherent than your "About Me" section.  You're also doing so much of the things that you said in that section that you said were difficult or even impossible at the time, such as supporting others virtually in writing, which you do in amazing abundance.

 

It's pretty clear looking in from the outside that you've made noticeable progress since you first joined SA.  I hope you can take a moment to acknowledge that this progress is visible to others, even if you might not feel it yourself. 

 

[wantrelief]

Hello @Ariel:  I was just re-reading something very helpful you posted on my thread 🙏 and I wanted to check-in and say hello.  You have been in my thoughts and I hope you are doing as well as possible. 💗

[Mirtazapine20mg]

On 8/21/2022 at 1:55 AM, Ariel said:

It's f*cking exhausting. 

I am right there with you Ariel. Every single word. Uncoordinated meetups are bad in withdrawal, but infinitely worse when they come from triggering family members (hi mom). 

 

Especially the ‘today’-request is poison. Minimum 24 hours is required to pick out the right PPE.

 

[Believer]

Hi @Ariel

Thinking about you. Miss seeing your insightful posts. I hope you are doing well these past several days. The weather here is changing, and I am looking forward to the cooler temperatures and fall colors. 
Healing prayers for you.

 

Hugs,

 

Believer

 

 

[unblocktheplanet]

Believer just reminded me. We believe in you, Ariel!

 

hugs from

CJ

[Kat66]

Hi @Ariel, I've just read your long post from Aug 21. For someone with an impaired brain you write like a pro. I'm not sure I could marshal my thoughts right now in such a clear way for so many paragraphs. I wanted to ask you if you'd always felt 'discombobulated' at the thought of appointments/errands/changed plans etc or has it only been during WD? I have always been fond of routines and have always had to psyche myself up to do the simplest thing/task/errand/get together. But it's 100 times worse during WD.

 

Sending healing thoughts to you xx

[unblocktheplanet]

Dear Ariel, there are so many here who think of you with great tenderness and healing. Your compassionate voice has moved us all. Wishing you comfort and safety. Your Thai penpal, CJ

[Bp1961]

Hi Ariel, 

 

I miss you (pretty sure I'm not the only one), your courage, and inspiration. Hope you're doing well and hearing from you soon.

 

BP

 

 

[wantrelief]

Yes me too - I am missing your "voice" here.  I hope you are okay, dearest Ariel. @Ariel

[Faure]

Hello, thinking of you often and sorry you’ve hit what may be a nasty wave ❤️

[Erell]

Dear Ariel, 
I join my peers to send you some support thoughts and healing wishes. ❤️ 

[DazzlingCold]

@Arielwondering how you are doing my friend. Hugs

[Happy2Heal]

sending you a gentle hug 

 

[Escitalopram21]

Thinking of you ❤️ 

[Greatful]

@Ariel  Think of you 🌞

[Maxx]

Hope you’re doing ok @Ariel, thinking of you ❤️

[savinggrace]

Hope we hear that you are doing okay, soon, Ariel.

 

Grace

[Oaktree1]

Wish you were here Ariel

[Finnishgirl]

Hello @Ariel❤️ 

 

I have seen your beautiful and encouraging posts all over the forum and just wanted to say that I think you are an amazing person. Going through your own situation still being able to help and encourage others is beyond words. I hope you are doing okay ❤️

[almuPA]

Hello,

Just wanted to say that I am thinking of you.

 

I send you a big hug, dear Ariel.

[unblocktheplanet]

Moi aussi, sweet A!

 

Translation:

 

So am I,

 

Edited November 3, 2022 by ChessieCat

[Rezten]

On 2/22/2022 at 1:53 PM, Ariel said:

hello. i'm going to attempt an introduction. i reserve any possible ambition about a coherent, comprehensive history for a potential future recovery success story. i'll do what i can for now. 

Hi Ariel, thank you so much for posting your story.  I was just sitting here thinking what else is going on with me that I am still sick with WD symptoms after over 4 years from when WD started.  Most stories I see people recover within a few months or years.

 

I'm sorry you have been suffering so long, but I'm glad you posted. 

 

[Oaktree1]

Hi Ariel,

 

I don't know if you have turned off notifications for posts on your threads and where you are and how you are but you haven't been on the site in a long time.

 

I wonder how you are and if you are ok.  Boundary issue - these are my feelings not yours but I have been told (never actually seen it in action) that we are all of us interdependent.  I hope you are ok.  In the relatively short time you were on the site and posting actively, you made a huge and very positive impact to so many people here showing an extraordinary degree of empathy, compassion and wisdom, the ability to get to the nugget of each person's story and struggles...I am going to let it go after this and not post further.  It has been a long road for me to respect other people's boundaries...I might never get there but I am improving a small bit.   

 

Oaktree