Kellyj03: Cold Turkey off of Zoloft

[Kellyj03]

Hey all. My name is Kelly. I’m new here, but I’ve also been apart of a few Facebook groups that led me here. I’m going to try to make a long story short.

About 2 years ago, I was placed on 50 mg of Zoloft because I was tearful and told my OBGYN office that I was feeling overwhelmed and uninterested in sex with my husband. At the time, I just gave birth to my newborn twins, I had an 11 month old at home and a 4 year old step son. Life was very stressful and chaotic. I didn’t feel depressed or anxious before beginning this medicine. Fast forward about 3 months of being on, I and the people around me felt the medication was changing who I was. I was becoming angry and just not my normal self. I forgot to take the Zoloft for about 2 days and I felt like I was okay and getting back to feeling more normal. I decided to continue to skip taking the medication. About 5 days after abruptly quitting, I was going to lay down with my 11 month old in bed, and I got the fleeting thought of “What if I just smothered her right now and nobody was here to save her?”

The scariest feeling came over my body. I was terrified of myself, am I actually capable of hurting my sweet and precious girl? 
Following this came many more intrusive thoughts about harming my babies, my husband and myself. I had thoughts and visualizations of me hurting others, cheating on my spouse, etc. I felt like I was going insane. I had crazy anxiety, I couldn’t sleep, heart palpitations, dizziness to the point I thought I was going to pass out, I felt depressed, easily angered, agitated, I was having vivid dreams, I had increased awareness of every noise around me, depersonalization, I would cry every single day because I didn’t know what was happening. I checked myself into the hospital where they tried to give me more medication and I refused it. I was lucky enough to have a nurse that googled for me “What happens when you abruptly stop taking an antidepressant”. I was so shocked to find just about every single symptom on the packet she printed me, I was experiencing. I showed the packet to the doctor and he agreed. I was released 3 days later. It’s been a roller coaster ever since then. I am now 19 months off of a cold turkey Zoloft and I feel so much better, but I still suffer with waves. When the waves come, the repetitive thoughts return and my brain feels so out of whack. I feel anxiety and feel down. I never experienced real anxiety and depression before until after coming off of the Zoloft. But it passes after a while when I go into a window. 
My life at home is so chaotic and I know it does not help. I am happy I am able to live a normal life now compared to when I first came off. I can tell I am healing, but it has just been so rough. It’s taken a toll on my relationship, I feel so much guilt from the thoughts that I’ve had about harm, cheating on my spouse, and more. I carry this big lump of guilt that mostly makes an appearance when I feel myself going into a wave.

I will say that my husband has been my biggest supporter this entire time. He is actually the one that told me from the beginning when I got the prescription, “Kelly if you take that pill it’s going to mess you up”.

I wish I would have listened to him. 

I guess I’m just writing here to get some support, to see if anyone has experienced something similar, and just to express myself. I had no idea withdrawal was even a thing from antidepressants until I went through it. I would have never touched these types of medications if I knew I was going to go through this. Any advice, success stories or anyone that can relate to me would be so appreciated.

(At one point I went on Lexapro to “help the thoughts” but it made everything much worse and I decided to taper down. I even believe at one point I had an auditory hallucination after I abruptly stopped, but it was only one time. The rest of the time it was just intrusive thoughts).

Thank you for reading if you made it this far!

[getofflex]

Hello, and welcome to SA.  We are a volunteer-run community of people who have been or are getting off of psychiatric drugs.  I'm terribly sorry that your doctor put you on this inappropriate treatment for psych drugs, when you didn't even have mental health issues.  My heavens, who wouldn't be overwhelmed and uninterested in sex with 3 babies under a year old, 2 being newborns, and 4 year old!  What you really needed, in my opinion, was help with the children, not a drug.  I'm so glad your husband has stood beside you and supported your through all of this.  

 

I want to let you off the hook, and I hope you will let yourself off the hook.  It is not your fault that you had the dark thoughts about hurting your children, your husband and yourself.  It's the fault of the drugs, and of going off them cold turkey.  Dark intrusive thoughts are a common symptom of people who are going off or have gone off of psychiatric meds.  It is because your brain was and is destabilized.  These thoughts are caused by a nervous system that is in shock from having gone cold turkey off the Zoloft.  In fact, I salute you for your high level of strength and self control that you did not listen to those thoughts and carry out any actions to hurt anyone!  Please read this link: 

 

Shame, Guilt, Regret

 

Intrusive Thoughts

 

Repetitive Intrusive Thoughts

 

Can you please give us specific information in your signature about your drug history for all drugs you are on and have been on, especially for the past 18-24 months?  It would be especially helpful to have the details of your drugs in a concise vertical list (no symptoms), only drug names, specific dates (as best you can say for example early March if you don't recall the day) and dosages of each medication decrease or increase.  Use this format:

 

Drug name: date, dose, date, dose, date, dose…

Drug name: date, dose, date, dose, date, dose…

Etcetera

 

Please read the link below for instructions.  This will allow us to give you the best guidance.  

 

How to List Drug History in Signature

 

Here is some important information about how these drugs actually work.

 

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

 

 

This helps you understand what withdrawal syndrome is: 

 

Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

 

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

 

Here is a link with checklists of common WD symptoms: 

 

Dr Joseph Glenmullen Withdrawal Symptom Checklists

 

 

Here are some techniques to cope with symptoms: 

 

Non Drug Ways to Cope with Withdrawal Symptoms

 

Stability is really important when we are tapering off psych meds.  Please read the link about stability:

 

Keep It Simple, Slow, and Stable

 

 

We don't suggest many supplements, but 2 that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. It is suggested to add one at a time, and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

Magnesium

Omega 3 Fish Oil

 

I'm really glad to hear that you've had so much improvement.  Things will continue to improve for you.  Please keep us posted on how you are doing. 

[getofflex]

Here is a link to a topic of another mother of children who also had thoughts of harming others:  

 

Forestpath My Introduction