Jaffa: Possibly late onset withdrawal

[Catina7]

34 minutes ago, Jaffa said:

Dear Alto and friends at SA,

I’ve reached a very bad place. I’m sorry. I think I will need hospital. I will be leaving you all for a while. I cat continue like this . Feeling hopeless 

 

I'm so sorry...we'll be thinking of you.  Remember, no one can force you to take anything...that is your right as a patient.

[PortugueseSea]

Please get back to us once you can. Your journey will continue even once out of the hospital.

We are here. Stay strong and God bless!

[AprilShowers]

3 hours ago, Jaffa said:

Dear Alto and friends at SA,

I’ve reached a very bad place. I’m sorry. I think I will need hospital. I will be leaving you all for a while. I cat continue like this . Feeling hopeless 

I'm so sorry things are tough right now, Jaffa. I wish you well. Remember how far you've come and how brave embarking on this journey at all has been, it's not an easy process, so keep pills in your power and keep your end goals in mind. 

Perhaps you can gather a collection of conforting and distracting things you can dip into when you feel distressed and maybe keep a little mood diary to jot things in. Be super kind to yourself. 

 

[Catina7]

Dear @Jaffa, when we feel desperate we want someone or something to take the pain away.  I respect your decision to go to the hospital if you feel you must, but just keep in mind that the only things they can really do for you are:

1. Run labs and testing to rule out any immediate health concern.
2. If everything is normal, they will offer you a drug to help calm you down or want to put you on another drug, which we all know can exacerbate your problems.

Again, I'm not trying to to discourage you from going.  I myself went to the ER numerous times when I crashed so badly and finally ended up in the psych ward, but just keep in mind that their help is limited.  You are doing a great job in enduring the best that you can.  We're all here to help encourage you to keep going.  

[Doctorsrcrap]

@Jaffa

I really wish i could give you a hug and tell you everything is going to be OK. Because in the end it will be. Even if you can't see it now. 

I understand your need for help. I myself have been there too but I do agree with @Catina7

We will all still be here for you when you return home.

 

[Catina7]

@Jaffa... thinking of you.  How are you doing and feeling??

[Jaffa]

10 hours ago, Catina7 said:

@Jaffa... thinking of you.  How are you doing and feeling??

Thanks so much. I didn’t go to hospital but that’s not final. There is a hospital where you can just rest . Im still keeping my options open. I’ve started mirtazapine 7.5. It’s helping me sleep and on day 4 I feel calmer but still dreadful. It’s all been such a shock and I’m still terribly thin. I’ve decided I need to stabilise to be present for my children and my mother. This withdrawal was just too hard and painful and harmful . Off course it’s all because of these terrible terrible drugs and I’m angry about that. Im also very frightened about this new unknown drug but honestly- I’ve just given in. I hope and pray this works and when the time is right I might be able to taper off. Hard to contemplate that right now. The damage these drugs do is truly incredible. I’ll stay in touch and keep you all informed. Information is important for the advancement of your work which I wholeheartedly support. 
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻❤️💜💙🩵

[Doctorsrcrap]

How u doing 

[Jaffa]

Hey there, 

Thanks for checking in. I haven’t been going great. I introduced mirtazapine 15 mg to cope with the Zoloft withdrawal. I just wasn’t coping. It’s given me sleep and taken the intensity out of my hyperactivity. It’s increased my appetite and helped me gain a couple of kilos . It’s been a different kind of pain though. I’m depressed quite often and anxious and hypersensitive. I did feel this last week that things were improving but today I discovered I had covid ( first time) and I’m feeling spaced out and achy. I thought I’d give it two more weeks and reassess how to go forward. Online groups say it’s extremely hard withdrawing mirt and that terrifies me. I’ve suffered so much already. I did have a week in a psych hospital ( private) anxvyhd psychiatrist wanted me to increase to 30 mg. I refused. They also offered Ativan and when the symptoms were too hard I would take .25 mg but only 4 times. I left hospital and next day I jumped on a plane to Japan for 10 days with my family. It was a tough trip and I used Ativan.25 s a little bit. Anyway now I’m home and still struggling but covid needs to be dealt with first. I’m not too bad with that, Hopefully it stays that way. I was wondering IF things don’t improve what I should do next. Thanks Dr scrap 

[Jaffa]

Dr Scrap,

i’m really struggling now since I last wrote to you. I don’t think the mirtazapine was a good idea.. I don’t know what to do. I can’t keep going like this.. it’s seven days since I tested positive for Covid and it has been pretty horrible. I’m through the worst of it, but maybe the Covid is exacerbating my symptoms. I don’t know.. but I do know that I’m in a really bad way I’m I’m barely holding it together. I’m functioning I’m getting the shopping done and cooking the meals but everything feels so hard I’m in so much emotional pain all day long depression anxiety, just no positive feelings whatsoever.. I would like to know that if I have to start tapering and how I should do it should I start tapering the mirtazapine first or the Zoloft first and what kind of support will I have? 
thanks Dr scrap 

[Doctorsrcrap]

@Jaffa

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. Me too.

Maybe you should tag a mod to find out thier opinion on the situation 

[Jaffa]

@Doctor

Scrap could you please remind me how to tag a mod. Im so sorry you are not feeling well either. I just looked at some of your posts. This is an endurance test like no other. I hope your symptoms improve soon and you get some relief. Ive been struggling for a long time as well and not sure what to do next. Im very worried that due to my sensitivities ill get akathisia no matter how carefully I taper. Im after the harm reduction approach but that may mean staying where I am and this doesn't feel sustainable either.

[Jaffa]

@Happy2Heal

 

Hello ,

Im back! 

I am still taking 25mg of Zoloft and for 8 weeks I have been taking 15mg of mirtazapine. I am sleeping well at present but wake up feeling very uncomfortable with anxiety and low level agitation that makes me fidget and simultaneously I feel slightly sedated. It is a horrible way to wake up every morning and I cling to my husband hoping he will stay with me and not get up and go to work.

My days are hard and I continue to go through the motions with no joy and no good feelings and sometimes Im highly anxious and teary and depressed. I keep myself as busy and distracted as possible to keep going and I wish the hours away so that I can just get back to bed and sleep. There is so much more to say as an update to my journey - a voluntary hospital stay, a 10 day trip to Japan despite feeling dreadful, a horrible fallout with a sister who thinks I'm selfish for coming off my meds. 

 

My conundrum is what to do now. Im currently recovering from Covid which I caught on the plane on the way home from Japan. I think it may be exacerbating my symptoms. I have lost my sense of taste and smell. The Mirtazapine while stimulating my appetite a little has not resulted in any weight gain. I don't really know whats happening with my brain/body/nervous system at the moment. It feels like Im still feeling the effects of the Zoloft withdrawal and the mirtazapine while helping calm the hyperactivity and hyperarousal and sleep issues, is not lifting the anhedonia and low mood at all.  I am not in an acute state but Im still very much in survival mode each day. I haven't been able to return to work although I'm considering trying it. My work involves serving clients in a spa setting giving facials, massages and pregnancy massage. Im wondering if I should wait a bit longer to see if the Zoloft withdrawal agitation ( if thats what it is) settles . Im wondering if I should start tapering the mirtazapine slowly to 7.5 or should I possibly start tapering the Zoloft. Im very worried about getting akathisia coming off or further reducing Zoloft. I wonder if I should do nothing but at the same time I'm wondering if this state that I'm experiencing is ever going to improve if I do nothing. 

Sorry, this is not very clear. Im clearly lost. Do you have any thoughts on this?

[Giuly88]

On 7/17/2023 at 12:31 AM, Jaffa said:

Thankyou friends for the above messages of support. I’m so grateful. 
Your signature stories are amazing and living alone and feeling like this I honestly can’t imagine how. 
I do try not to catastrophise but when the symptoms feel unbearable I do feel like I can’t keep going like this. This wasn’t a pre planned considered taper. It came as a late onset shock withdrawal. My whole life has been turned upside down. My children and husband are going to Japan for a long awaited holiday and I was going with them but not now. I’m so scared about them leaving and being totally alone feeling like this.  I don’t feel I can go and stay with family because they don’t get it and will be annoyed at me for tapering my medication from 50 to 25. They have witnessed the Akathisia when I’ve updosed in crisis. 
 

Anyway , staying the course this week. 
What a nightmare this is 

Hi Jaffa, hope you are well.

 

Did you have any improvement on your torso muscles. Mine cycles round.

[Jaffa]

Dear friends at SA, 

Im four months into 15 mg of mirtazapine. You might remember I started this as I was not coping with the late onset withdrawal/ or tolerance I was experiencing 9 months after a slow linear taper from 50mg sertraline to 25mg. I had planned to stay there for life and thought I would avoid withdrawal but it come after me anyway. Unprepared and with too much stress in my life and no support here in Australia, I introduced mirtazapine. This seemed to be ok in that it helped me sleep and softened the terrible agitation and weight loss and hyper alertness but it did bring with it terrible depression and burning skin and a long slow improvement that seems to have only lasted around two months. Im now presently experiencing mild akathisia and had to just now walk out of my yoga class because I couldn't bare it. Im not sure why its turned on me like this but it could be that I had three glasses of wine one night at a friends place thinking Id be ok or at least recover. The next three days I was fine but on the Thursday I noticed my mood had dipped and Friday I felt highly anxious and uncomfortable and needed to move around to distract from symptoms. The weekend was awful and I started waking at 4:30 am with horrid anxiety. Today thats become akathisia of sorts. Ive had full blown akathisia before so I know how bad it can get. Im fearing Im at the critical point that many reach :- Do I consult my psychiatrist and get given more drugs or is this the moment in my life where I have to choose withdrawal? Im scared out of my mind to do either of those things. How do you withdraw from an already terrible place? What would I withdraw first? sertraline or mirt? Its been 5 days of having these severe symptoms and maybe I have to wait ? Not sure what to do.

Thankyou for reading this. Please offer advice on what I should do to taper first if that is indeed what I feel I must do. 

[Jaffa]

I hope Ive put this above post in the right place

[FireflyFyte]

9 hours ago, Jaffa said:

I hope Ive put this above post in the right place

 

I have moved your post onto your introductory thread. This is where we ask that you keep all of you questions.

 

9 hours ago, Jaffa said:

Do I consult my psychiatrist and get given more drugs

 

We are a site dedicated to helping people safely taper off from psychiatric medication. We cannot help with questions about changing, or introducing, different medications and advise that you talk to your doctor about these topics.

 

9 hours ago, Jaffa said:

three glasses of wine one night at a friends place thinking Id be ok or at least recover. The next three days I was fine but on the Thursday I noticed my mood had dipped and Friday I felt highly anxious and uncomfortable and needed to move around to distract from symptoms. The weekend was awful and I started waking at 4:30 am with horrid anxiety.

 

We do recommend people abstain from alcohol during withdrawal as it can aggravate symptoms.

 

9 hours ago, Jaffa said:

Its been 5 days of having these severe symptoms and maybe I have to wait ? Not sure what to do.

 

Since alcohol might be playing a role in your current state, I would recommend holding to see if your symptoms improve before starting a taper. In regards to which drug, would encourage you to read Taking multiple psych drugs? Which drug to taper first?

 

[Jaffa]

On 11/22/2023 at 1:17 AM, FireflyFyte said:

Do I consult my psychiatrist and get given more drugs

So sorry . I didn’t mean that I was seeking your advice. Just showing you what my reflections were but I’ll avoid this language moving forward. 
Im still struggling with constant crying and anxiety so I’m thinking it’s the mirtazapine no longer working. I am frightened about tapering because while the recommendations are to taper the more stimulating drug- Zoloft 25 mg, I’ve only been on mirtazapine for 4 and a half months. My other great fear is that I will experience Akathisia. I’ve had it in the past when starting an ssri or reinstating after withdrawal hit. This happened even if I reinstated a small amount . It was full blown Akathisia- pacing, burning skin, physical pain, suicidal thoughts non stop. I have two beautiful children and a partner and extended family. I fear dragging them all through this with me. While in late onset Zoloft withdrawal/ tolerance earlier this year I was suffering terrible agitation and hyper alertness, I was not experiencing Akathisia, that is, I didn’t have the terror and the inability to be left alone. However, had I decreased hyperbolically I fear that I would get Akathisia with the unknown timeline I’m not sure I will be able to bare it. I’ll further read Alto’s info on tapering. I’ll hold where I am till Christmas is over and see how I’m feeling. Thankyou so much 
 

[Jaffa]

Sorry what I meant above is that if I decrease from 25 mg of Zoloft ( even hyperbolically) , I fear that I will get Akathisia because the symptoms I was experiencing at 25 mg were quite severe agitation and rapidweight loss and unable to sit still. So I don’t know if I’m a candidate for coming off safely even if I do all the right things 🙏🏻

[FireflyFyte]

On 11/23/2023 at 11:21 PM, Jaffa said:

Sorry what I meant above is that if I decrease from 25 mg of Zoloft ( even hyperbolically) , I fear that I will get Akathisia because the symptoms I was experiencing at 25 mg were quite severe agitation and rapidweight loss and unable to sit still. So I don’t know if I’m a candidate for coming off safely even if I do all the right things 🙏🏻

 

We cannot predict how tapering will go for you but since you have a history of akathisia, you may want to start with smaller drops so instead of a 10% reduction every month, you could try 5% drops every two weeks or every month. It will be important that you pay attention to your body during the process and hold when needed and consider smaller drops if withdrawal symptoms are too overwhelming.

[Jaffa]

Seeking support,

I am waking at 4 am every morning . Im getting 5 hours but over time its taking its toll. Im feeling tightness in my chest and diaphragm and its sometimes causing pain. I cannot sleep in the day. I take the mirtazapine 15 mg at 10 am every night along with progesterone 100mg. I take my 25mg of sertraline at 7:30 in the morning. The symptoms of neuroanxiety begin on waking and peak around 12-2pm. By 5 pm I feel some relief and have a fairly relaxed evening. I'm exhausted from the chronic lack of sleep. I know it will be far worse in withdrawal. I plan to start tapering after Christmas. I see no other way to resolve this problem than to plunge into hell and hopefully come out the other side. These drugs are now making me sick. My gastrointestinal track is horrid with diorreah after every meal despite eating gentle clean foods. Im not sure if I should start with tapering the mirtazapine or the sertraline. I think mirtazapine because Ive been on it nearly five months. Also maybe at lower doses it might help improve sleep? Spoke with Horowitz who thinks I've kindled. Not sure how one starts to taper when they are still feeling destabilised. Some feedback here would be much appreciated. 

 

Thanks 

 

[Doctorsrcrap]

I have no advice but just wanted to say I'm sorry you are suffering. I feel your pain 

[Catina7]

19 minutes ago, Jaffa said:

Not sure how one starts to taper when they are still feeling destabilised. Some feedback here would be much appreciated. 

 

I'm sorry for what you're dealing with.  I watched a video from Dr. Josef Witt-Doerring that discusses this very topic, and I found it very informative.  Hopefully it will give you some advice.

 

How to Taper With Severe WD Symptoms

 

[wantrelief]

8 hours ago, Jaffa said:

Not sure how one starts to taper when they are still feeling destabilised.

I am so sorry for everything you are experiencing. Unfortunately I understand all too well as I have been in a similar situation.  You can read my thread as I feel there are quite a few  similarities with us, especially with stress derailing slow careful tapers.  

 

To sum up my more recent history, I was told I was in tolerance to citalopram in 2017 and started a taper very destabilized as well.  I went really slowly as I didn't want to worsen the awful symptoms I was experiencing and so far I haven't had too much in terms of withdrawal symptoms, just dealing with the same symptoms I started out with. My baseline improved in 2021 quite unexpectedly and this lasted a year but due to yet another stressful event (this time health related and ironically related to my bladder - I read you too had problems in that area. Unfortunately mine hasn't resolved but that is another issue), I went back into full withdrawal mode. After attempting a hold (holding does not seem to help me at all) nothing was improving once again so I started back tapering and haven't experienced another break.  I am hopeful though that I will at some point.  My situation is complicated in that I am also, unfortunately, on clonazepam and I don't know how much that is also impacting me.  I am terrified to have to taper that too someday. It is quite a mess but I am hoping like you, that the only way out of this is through and it will get better in time. 

 

I also watched the video @Catina7 referred to and found it helpful.  

 

I have been wanting to reach out to you, Jaffa, given the similarities I see in our stories but at the same time was hesitant as I didn't want to scare you with my timeline. I have been extra careful being in the state I am in.....you may not need to go as slowly as I have been.  Perhaps I didn't need to either but it is what it is at this point.

 

I wanted to reach out to you to provide you with some hope that it is possible to taper in a destabilized state and that things can turn around when you least expect it to.  

 

I hope it helps to know you aren't alone. 

[Jaffa]

wantrelief - Thankyou for this message. It does offer me hope. It does help immensely to know I'm not alone. My situation is compounded by the fact that I have two teenage children to care for. One is on the Autism spectrum and is doing quite well at present but she is attempting formal study next year and I know this will be challenging for her. My 15 year old son has sensory processing problems and while not AS he has challenges with school and friends and he is shy and is suffering with some anxiety at the moment which we are addressing through the school counsellor. I also have a 90 year old beloved mum who is considering moving in with me now, yet to be finalised. LIFE on top of drug injury! I am struggling daily but am managing to parent my children and meet my responsibilities despite feeling like I do. I front up and keep on keeping on. I wonder if holding where I am will result in more stabilisation in time or if I'm just prolonging an already long ride through hell to get off these harmful medications. I wonder if I should wait three years in which time my Mother will have passed, my son will have finished school and things may then be more manageable. That said, Im feeling pretty dreadful anyway and like you said, slowly tapering may result in no increase in my symptoms for a good while. Its all a mess.

 

I need to learn how to tag people and other details about using this site while Im feeling at least well enough to do that. Once the agitation and hyperactivity set in, these tasks become very difficult. I would like to see your thread. I do wonder if my irritated bladder was the beginning of tolerance/ withdrawal setting in. I remember years ago when I reinstated sertraline , I experienced this awful sensitivity with my bladder and needing to go to the toilet all the time. Had every test under the sun and came to realise it was all to do with sertraline. I had a better sleep last night having tried 2mg of melatonin . I hope you experience a window really soon. You are brave and inspiring. 

Thankyou  x

[wantrelief]

Hi @Jaffa,

 

You should give yourself so much credit for everything you are accomplishing everyday as well as coping with some really stressful life circumstances, all whilst not feeling well.

 

7 minutes ago, Jaffa said:

I am struggling daily but am managing to parent my children and meet my responsibilities despite feeling like I do. I front up and keep on keeping on. I wonder if holding where I am will result in more stabilisation in time or if I'm just prolonging an already long ride through hell to get off these harmful medications. I wonder if I should wait three years in which time my Mother will have passed, my son will have finished school and things may then be more manageable. That said, Im feeling pretty dreadful anyway and like you said, slowly tapering may result in no increase in my symptoms for a good while. Its all a mess.

I understand your questions as it is so hard to know what to do when these drugs are not "working" for us.  Unless you are having an adverse reaction, I don't think it hurts to hold to see if you can establish a better baseline before starting a taper. I am curious what Dr. Horowitz recommended when you spoke with him?  

 

15 minutes ago, Jaffa said:

I do wonder if my irritated bladder was the beginning of tolerance/ withdrawal setting in. I remember years ago when I reinstated sertraline , I experienced this awful sensitivity with my bladder and needing to go to the toilet all the time. Had every test under the sun and came to realise it was all to do with sertraline.

I have experienced some urinary symptoms in the past when going through withdrawal too but I think what I am experiencing now is related to menopause.....however who knows maybe it is related to all of this drug stuff.

 

19 minutes ago, Jaffa said:

I had a better sleep last night having tried 2mg of melatonin .

I am so glad you had a better night's sleep last night!

 

21 minutes ago, Jaffa said:

I hope you experience a window really soon. You are brave and inspiring. 

Aw, that is really sweet of you.....thank you Jaffa.  I think everyone here, including you, are brave and inspiring. 💖

 

[Jaffa]

Christmas Eve 2023 UPDATE

 

6am wake with tight feeling in stomach and anxiety. Feel immobilised so stay in bed till 7 breathing.

7:30am 25mg of Zoloft ( using pill cutter on scored 50mg tablet, is this ok?)

8:15 estrogel 1 pump 0.75mg

9am breakfast

10:30 yoga 30 min 

 

MOST DAYS

Between morning and lunch I feel at my worst with the tightness in stomach and throat and chest. I keep busy to distract. This helps. It feels like the hyper alertness and hyperactivity that I experienced with the Zoloft withdrawal (at 25mg) are there underneath the effect of the mirtazapines sedating effect. The mirt 15 is helping the effects of the sert withdrawal to some degree but have possibly caused some of the other awful side effects I'm having i.e, the tightness in the body, stomach especially, a wired but tired feeling in the afternoon where I feel desperately sleepy but on lying down find it impossible to fall asleep. Tinnitus all day, worse at night.

 

1pm - a back massage which was firm and a bit painful. Hungry and hypoglycaemia heightens symptoms so home to eat.

2pm Lunch - sushi;  afterwards notice that symptoms feel heightened  - despite what I just wrote in paragraph above. 

 air gasping while making fruit mince pies for tomorrow. 

 

3pm - 6pm increased agitation that is unusual for this time of day. Feel very uncomfortable and go for a long walk. Today was the first day that I took some b12 around 11am as well as fish oil. Either the supplements or the firm massage must be to blame. Far out !! Im so sensitive.

Activated feeling continues into the evening despite the walk. Yuck.

7:30 pm activated feeling improves 

8pm dinner

9:30pm bath epsom salts

10:15pm 15mg mirtazapine, 100mg progesterone (prometrium)

11pm bed

11:30 sleep

4am wake feeling anxious and agitated

4:30 am .25 Ativan ( used only once a month on average)

didn't sleep but stayed in bed till 7:30 feeling restless and depressed

7:30 25mg of zoloft

 

So... This drug regimen is not really helping me reach stability. I have had a few days where I felt much better throughout the five months. The last two months have shown improvement enough for me to go back to work one day a week for a 6 hour shift. I use to work 4 days a week. I manage parenting my children. I'm able to do most things but when life stress hits me, even things that normally I find easy become difficult. Im dealing with neuroemotions daily and life is painful. 

 

About 6 weeks ago I had a consultation with Horowitz via zoom. The plan is to stay steady with what I'm doing until I stabilise. He doesn't think that this episode, which started in May while on 25mg of Zoloft, was a late onset withdrawal. He mentioned the word 'kindled' as I told him my long story of several failed attempts to withdraw from Zoloft and then reinstating and getting full blown akathisia each time. I'm left wondering what he thought had happened to me at the initiation of this episode. Did he think it was my own anxiety and nothing to do with the drugs or does he think I'm seriously injured . He didn't say . I'm booking another consult with him to get some clarity around this. Here is the thing; I don't know how to proceed. Is healing possible for me or must I remain where I am and just count my blessings. Is akathisia a serious risk for me getting off these drugs no matter how slowly. Certainly the symptoms I was experiencing at 25mg of Zoloft after a slower than slow taper , felt like they were one step away from akathisia. Feeling lost and low.

 

I would appreciate any insight or advise if anyone can shed any light on this for me. I hope you are all able to have some nice moments with friends or family today at Christmas.

 

Sincere thanks

 

note:- while mirtazapine has increased my appetite a little, Ive only gained 2 kilos after losing 8 kilos since beginning of this episode. I get no constipation only diorreah which improves from time to time. My cholesterol spiked initially when starting the mirt but a full blood test a few weeks ago show that everything is good and within the normal range. VIT D 125. So ...I seem to be in good physical health according to blood work. 

 

 

 

 

 

[wantrelief]

Hi Jaffa,

 

I am really sorry you are still struggling.  

 

On 12/24/2023 at 2:56 PM, Jaffa said:

The last two months have shown improvement enough for me to go back to work one day a week

I am glad you are experiencing some improvement and have even been able to go back to work.  I know it isn't as much as what you were doing before but it is a step in the right direction.  You should be really proud of all you are accomplishing despite how you are feeling.

 

On 12/24/2023 at 2:56 PM, Jaffa said:

The plan is to stay steady with what I'm doing until I stabilise.

I am hopeful that you will notice more improvements as you hold.

 

On 12/24/2023 at 2:56 PM, Jaffa said:

I'm left wondering what he thought had happened to me at the initiation of this episode.

I am curious too as I have experienced similar problems.

 

I wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and am sending good thoughts your way,

WR

[Jaffa]

@wantrelief

 

Thankyou for your kind response. It warms my heart, the kindness in this community. 

I have been sleeping a bit better the last few nights. I did a long meditation this morning. Christmas Day was difficult but I managed and I continue to eat well and do all the things to help my poor nervous system and feeling body reach some kind of equilibrium. I am planning to go and stay with my poor 90 year old Mum next week which is giving me some anticipatory anxiety. It means I'll be without husband and children at night and that is scary right now. I also have to drive 8 hours to get to her. Anyway, I'm having a better day today and yesterday. A Little relief. I'm going to schedule another appointment with Horowitz soon but truly... I think he is guessing about a lot of whats happening with me. After several consults with various health professionals I'm learning that no one really has the answers I'm looking for. As I contemplate my future and possibly getting off these drugs, my most serious concern is whether or not I will hit akathisia and if so will I be able to bare it. Timing is also important with my Mum nearing end of life and two dependant children with their own complex issues. That said, Ive been stable enough to consider all these things carefully over the last couple of months and I realise that my life and my needs are also very important. Perhaps beginning a slow slow taper will see me not get too much withdrawal stuff for the first three years. Got to get more stable first though. Whew. 

I hope you are feeling a bit better. Hug

[wantrelief]

I am so glad to hear that you were able to get more sleep the last few nights and that you had a better day today as well as yesterday.

 

It makes sense that you would have anticipatory anxiety around visiting your mother, especially given her condition (I am really really sorry you are facing that on top of everything else).  I don't know about you but in my current state, I get anticipatory anxiety if I do anything (literally!) so it makes sense you would be experiencing this with something as daunting as what you are facing with your upcoming visit.

 

1 hour ago, Jaffa said:

I'm going to schedule another appointment with Horowitz soon but truly... I think he is guessing about a lot of whats happening with me. After several consults with various health professionals I'm learning that no one really has the answers I'm looking for.

Yeah, I think some of us don't fit into any particular box so it is hard for anyone to really know what is going on with us. My hope is that in the end we will still heal regardless of how or why we got here. 💖

[Jaffa]

@wantrelief

Anticipatory anxiety -yep. I know what you mean about feeling that way about everything. I had that . Its a little better these last couple of months, which is why I was able to return to work for one day a week, but when the symptoms are more intense its constant and making decisions about anything feels almost impossible. I felt like I could only do what I was able to do in the given moment and therefore couldn't promise anyone that I turn up for the walk, the cuppa, the  school conference,etc. Each day was so hard. Its not quite that intense now . I'm hoping that this new year will bring you some relief. You have done so well to make it to where you are now.

[Doctorsrcrap]

Hi @Jaffa

How's it going? 

[Jaffa]

@Doctorsrcrap

Sorry I missed this . Hope your back has improved .

 

[Jaffa]

Admins and moderators and anyone else who wants to chime in,

 

@wantrelief

 

I would like to hear about others experiences with sensitisation. Since I tapered from 50mg of Zoloft down to 25mg, over 4 years by 2mg increments held for three months at a time, I should not be experiencing late onset withdrawal from Zoloft while staying at 25mg. 

SO .... what the hell happened to me last May 2023. I had some huge life stress that was all sorted out after two weeks but I went into what felt exactly like withdrawal. I list the symptoms in above posts. I was too scared to increase the Zoloft again because previous failed withdrawal attempts and reinstatements/ updosing, resulted in acute akathisia that lasted 6 weeks last time and was sheer torture. Over the 20 years Iv'e been on this medication Ive been through this trauma about 6 times. For this reason I thought best to park myself on the lowest dose that would prevent withdrawal. However last May my system was activated by stress even at 25mg and didn't get better after 9 weeks. Speaking with Mark Horowitz he thinks I experienced sensitisation. I'd never heard of this before. Makes me wonder what I should do now. Sadly I introduces 15mg of mirtazapine and I'm now 6 months on that. It has helped some things but made other things worse. My question is :- Do you heal from this sensitisation? Does it mean I can't taper off or Ill be in more trouble? Have others here experienced prolonged sensitisation and if so did it improve. I was so hyperactive, hyperalert and THIN. Anyone relate? I'm calmer since starting the mirtazapine but still feeling some symptoms and just wondering if I can taper given this level of injury

Edited February 2 by Jaffa
clarity of story

[wantrelief]

Hi Jaffa,

 

On 2/1/2024 at 10:32 PM, Jaffa said:

Speaking with Mark Horowitz he thinks I experienced sensitisation.

Thank you for sharing what Mark Horowitz thinks happened to you, and thereby me, given the similarities in our stories. I really appreciate your tagging me.  I have heard this word before but don't know much about it. Perhaps it is similar to how some people in withdrawal are sensitive to chemicals and/or substances due to "sensitization"......our systems are the same but with stress?  I don't know.....I am just hypothesizing.  

 

On 2/1/2024 at 10:32 PM, Jaffa said:

Do you heal from this sensitisation?

I certainly hope we can!  That is why I decided to embark on this journey of tapering off of citalopram (and eventually clonazepam).  I don't know though if this "sensitization" will be solved with coming off the drugs or not and this I must admit is so frightening to me.  I don't know what else to do but try but it has been such a rough road. However, it is the hope that we can heal that helps me continue onward.

 

Hang in there, Jaffa.....we'll make it through this.  💖

 

[Jaffa]

@wantrelief

Can’t chat much now but I have a session with MH on Thursday so I’ll ask about this “sensitisation “ and get back to you. I believe in healing ❤️‍🩹. You are amazing