OmegaZero: My story

[OmegaZero]

I am a guy in his beginning 40's with a long history of depression and sometimes OCD.

 

My SSRI journey started in 2005. I was prescribed Paroxetine to handle my my depression and my OCD (secondary symptom of depression).

 

Paroxetine was awful. I felt numbed, totally dead inside, with a little less anxiety and obsessive thoughts. Under this medication I have had massive depersonalisation and derealisation. After 6 months I quitted. The withdrawal symptoms were lasting 2 years off the medication. The tapering was initiated by my psychiatrist. Brain Zaps all the time...and some emotional problems I dont remember. But anxiety was high as well.

The depression was hitting me extremly hard afterwards, the OCD disappeared thanks to psychotherapy.

 

In 2009 I decided to go again with a SSRI because my symptoms of depression were getting severe and I have had a massive tinnitus. Starting with Sertraline was giving me the relief of my life. Everything went well within weeks and I was just a normal person. Side effects were normal sexual side effects, sweating and sometimes headache, but nothing of this was unbearable. Over the time libido was falling, but that was okay for in the exchange of being depression free. My psychiatrist told me that I can adjust my dose in dependence of the serverity of my depressive symptoms. All was going okay. 

 

I took Sertraline until the beginning of 2020. It stopped working from one day to another and I was falling into a big, black hole...the major depression itself was back. I need to pause my job as I was not able to work anymore. I reached out to a psychiatrist that put me instantly on Venlafaxine to test if I was sensible to SNRI. It was doing nothing to me. No mood lifting, just nothing. He permanently lifted the dosage because of this. At the end of 2021 I was in a clinic to gain new power and to treat my depression. Nothing on my medication changed. The depression was still there with full force. In 2022 I decided to search for another clinic. This was something like a day care clinic. That was helping me tremendous. I stayed there for 3 months until August of 2022. The depression was nearly gone but came back after the clinic. Still on Venlafaxine. After the clinic I have had problems to take my Venlafaxine as I was so forgetful. One day I have taken it, another I havent. And so on.

 

While I was on Venlafaxine I had these symptoms:

 

• Brain fog & cognitive issues (concentration, focus, memory issues, but they where there before Venlafaxine maybe due to severe depression or Sertraline withdrawal)
• Lesser libido

 

Now how it was going on:

I have met my girlfriend in Oct 2022. Depression was blown away instantly. But I was still on Venlafaxine. Then I have received a letter from the old clinic that my qt time was horrible and I need to quit Venlafaxine directly cold turkey in December 2022.

 

And then it was going like this:

• Quitted Venlafaxine cold turkey in December 2022
• January to March: 3 months of totally feeling normal (except cognitive issues, memory, brain fog)
• March to May - above + mild ED, but libido was okay, slight signs of depression, heavy problems with my self-confidence
• May - July 2023 - broke up with my girlfriend (through possible slight anhedonia (cant remember), feeling little depressive) + above
• July 2023 - Within days...lights out. No emotions. But no depression. No libido. Full anhedonia.
• July 2023 - Started relationship with my girlfriend again

Since July 2023 I suffer from (in sequence of their occurence):

July: 

• severe anhedonia (for two weeks without any other symptoms)
• light headache
• pressure in the head

July to August: 

• above + anxiety (was totally overwhelmed by the anhedonia, totally freaking out if this is my new normal me)
• heart pounding (due to anxiety maybe)

August:

• above + some signs of OCD (obsessive thought about PSSD and my new normal me)
• had 3 or 4 times brain zaps while moving the head
• still hard anxiety which is sometimes hiding the anhedonia
• When anhedonia came back I freak out and get anxiety
• Derealization/Depersonalisation feelings when I am away from home (shopping with a lot of people around me, going for a dog walk where a lot of people are). It feels like I am overwhelmed by the amount of things to recognize.

 

First I thought that my depression was relapsing. But it wasnt. I know my depression very good. And I never had anhedonia without other depressive symptoms.

So my main symptom is anhedonia.

 

My blood values are fine except for iron.

 

I now take:

 

• iron supplement to fill the depots again
• fish oil 3000mg a day with vitamine E
• Magnesium L-Threanate once a day

 

How it is going now:

 

• In the End July to August I have had clear windows in the evenings. My assumption is: I have taken my Pramipexole again (since months) because of my restless legs. Everytime after nearly excactly 24 hours I had a window. Maybe it has to do with the Pramipexole. I have taken it for only a week with 0,35mg (so no DAWS can occur). I don't take it anymore because I dont want to mess up my system more than necessary. But since then no big windows.
• Sometimes I do feel kind of emotions (very very rare). If I watch a movie and there is a special heartbreaking moment, I have tears in my eyes.
• This week I was shopping with my girlfriend. Within seconds I regained all my emotions. It was HUGE OVERLOAD. I instantly kissed her, hugged her and had tears in my eyes.
• Crazy: If I have these feelings I immediately question them if they are that real etc. Maybe this is some sign of OCD.
• Sometimes it feels like there are emotions but they can't get out...so strange.

 

I feel awful anhedonic nearly every day. Then the anxiety kicks in...pointless ruminations about PSSD, SSRI withdrawal and I start to search stuff on the net to get clarification. The stories about not getting better are freaking me out, leading in a mental breakdown with anxiety and all this stuff.

 

I cant remember windows and waves that good. Therefore I use diary app to track mood and habits. My girlfriend does this for me as well to compare our findings.

 

Please excuse me if something is hard to read or understand, english is not my mother language.

 

Any ideas if this seems like a withdrawal issue? Or is it a combination of stress, depression, OCD and anxiety leading to anhedonia?

I start in a new job soon and I'm panicking that I won't be able to do this with all this weird stuff in my head.

 

 

[FireflyFyte]

Hi OmegaZero,

 

Welcome to SA. Thank you for summarizing your drug history in your signature.

 

What you are experiencing does fall under the realm of withdrawal. You can  read more about differentiating between withdrawal and relapse at Withdrawal or relapse? Or something else?

 

You can also dig further into how anhedonia is part of withdrawals at Apathy, anhedonia, emotional numbness, emotional anesthesia

 

On 8/24/2023 at 7:23 AM, OmegaZero said:

Then the anxiety kicks in...pointless ruminations about PSSD, SSRI withdrawal and I start to search stuff on the net to get clarification. The stories about not getting better are freaking me out, leading in a mental breakdown with anxiety and all this stuff.

 

While I can understand the compulsion to try and find answers online but this activity is most likely compounding your anxiety. It is important to take care of ourselves during withdrawals and try to minimize anxiety so would recommend reading up on  Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

[OmegaZero]

@FireflyFyte

Many thanks for your words. You are totally right regarding the anxiety of searching for symptoms.

 

Quite important question: Does it make sense to reinstate as it seems that I have a protracted withdrawal?

 

Update for now:

Today the anhedonia is nearly gone since 2 days. I felt some cold tingling in my arms and legs and in the night the left half of my face was like it was tingling like when you slept on our arm. No numbness. My muscles are feeling weak. At the moment no anxiety!!! I have a blurry vision that is disturbing me as well. 

[FireflyFyte]

55 minutes ago, OmegaZero said:

Quite important question: Does it make sense to reinstate as it seems that I have a protracted withdrawal?

 

Reinstatement works best a few weeks after stopping the medication so at eight months out, it could be a gamble. You can read more about reinstating at About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

56 minutes ago, OmegaZero said:

Update for now:

Today the anhedonia is nearly gone since 2 days. I felt some cold tingling in my arms and legs and in the night the left half of my face was like it was tingling like when you slept on our arm. No numbness. My muscles are feeling weak. At the moment no anxiety!!! I have a blurry vision that is disturbing me as well. 

 

It sounds like you are moving in the right direction in recovery. 

[OmegaZero]

@FireflyFyte

 

Thanks for your quick reply! ❤️ I dont feel like moving into any direction  Just driving around without any goal. I have read a lot of stories about people not getting better for over 10 years and more. I feat that I will lose everything I have like my job, my girlfried, my dog, my appartment and so on. At the moment I really rely on the help from my mother but some day...she will be gone as well

Every time when I think "wow, that feels much better", there is always this strange fear and panic that it will get worse on the next day. That makes me really desperate  The unclear situation...how long, how many days, weeks, months or years will I suffer? This is devastating.

 

1 hour ago, FireflyFyte said:

Reinstatement works best a few weeks after stopping the medication so at eight months out, it could be a gamble

Hmm...can this gamble be reversed always?

[manymoretodays]

Welcome aboard OmegaZero!

On 8/24/2023 at 5:23 AM, OmegaZero said:

My blood values are fine except for iron.

 

I now take:

 

• iron supplement to fill the depots again
• fish oil 3000mg a day with vitamine E
• Magnesium L-Threanate once a day

 

This is great that you are taking Omega 3's and Magnesium too!

Has your iron improved?

 

What do you do in the way of non-drug or supplement coping at present?  Do you do any therapy or life coaching, etc?  Any practices that you really benefit from in the way of meditation or Yoga or Qi gong, exercise, other?

We also have a whole Symptoms and Self Care Section/forum devoted to different WD symptoms and then helpful practices and ideas to deal with them.  If you go to your Home page.....you'll see it.

 

Do you sense patterns to your healing now?  Like is this, right now possibly a Wave?

See:  The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

I would go to Success Stories too, here, and elsewhere and read.  Stick to the ones that give you hope.  Are you ordinarily a bit of a pessimist?  I mean like focus on the negative?  That's something that can be changed without medication, for sure. 

Some do, like you go to negative forecasting for themselves or just worry.......that things are worse than they are right after arrival or coming into information about protracted withdrawal syndrome.  So that might be at play.

 

What were your thoughts on reinstatement after a good read of the topic?  It has been awhile.  Just over 6 months since your last WD(withdrawal) CT.

Were you doing great on your last AD, looks like an SSNRI- Venlafaxine?

 

Anything else going on right now?  Stressors, alcohol intake?

 

Welcome, welcome.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Edited August 27, 2023 by manymoretodays

[Altostrata]

Hello, @OmegaZero

 

How has your symptom pattern changed in the last 3 months?

[OmegaZero]

8 hours ago, Altostrata said:

How has your symptom pattern changed in the last 3 months?

 

Quite hard to say. In June I was kind of depressed with little anhedonia. Then in July the anhedonia was kicking in like hell. The follwing weeks were like hell. Panic attacks, severe terror for several days, DP/DR, anhedonia, anxiety. Daily ups and downs without any patterns, totally messed up and weird.

 

Now...since two/three days everything is "nearly" gone. At the moment I am in a state where I feel that I am able to work and enjoy things a very little bit.

[OmegaZero]

15 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Has your iron improved?

Not checked yet as I am taking it since 5 days. Next check will be in two weeks.

 

15 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Do you sense patterns to your healing now?  Like is this, right now possibly a Wave?

 

A MASSIVE wave. But it is so strange that now I feels since two days nearly normal. Is this a window?

 

15 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Are you ordinarily a bit of a pessimist?  I mean like focus on the negative?

 

When I don't know what happens next (esp. now). I'll try to change that again . I had this well under control in the beginning of the year...I have quitted my job to start at a new company and so on. 

 

15 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

What were your thoughts on reinstatement after a good read of the topic?

 

I dont know. I think it is too late but I dont have any experience with this. My last dose was in December. So...nearly 8 months after taking the last dose. I fear that taking Venlafaxine again will make things worse. What are your experiences with it?

 

15 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Were you doing great on your last AD, looks like an SSNRI- Venlafaxine?

 

Hm, don't have had any side effects except very quick sweating. But I has not helped me with depression. I was on 225mg.

[Altostrata]

10 hours ago, OmegaZero said:

Now...since two/three days everything is "nearly" gone. At the moment I am in a state where I feel that I am able to work and enjoy things a very little bit.

 

It seems you are fortunate, you are slowly recovering naturally from withdrawal syndrome. This can be frustrating, see  The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

[OmegaZero]

17 hours ago, Altostrata said:

It seems you are fortunate, you are slowly recovering naturally from withdrawal syndrome. This can be frustrating, see  The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

I feel very much better than the last 2 months. I still have some anxiety and some cognitive problems but all manageable. 

Is this a window? Can we draw any conclusions from this in terms of duration? I really really fear of coming back all these bad symptoms I had... I have read this study and the outcome was totally devastating for me.

[FireflyFyte]

1 hour ago, OmegaZero said:

I feel very much better than the last 2 months. I still have some anxiety and some cognitive problems but all manageable. 

Is this a window? Can we draw any conclusions from this in terms of duration? I really really fear of coming back all these bad symptoms I had... I have read this study and the outcome was totally devastating for me.

 

Have you read our section on The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization?

 

What you are describing does sound like a window but healing is different for everyone so we can't predict the duration on your recovery but having windows, and experiencing longer ones, is a positive sign.

As mentioned earlier, I would try not to fall into a research rabbit hole as it can compound anxiety. 

[manymoretodays]

On 8/28/2023 at 1:24 AM, OmegaZero said:

But it is so strange that now I feels since two days nearly normal. Is this a window?

 

On 8/28/2023 at 1:24 AM, OmegaZero said:

I had this well under control in the beginning of the year...I have quitted my job to start at a new company and so on. 

 

Hey there,  Oh my Yes......Window dance!  May it be long lasting.

And considering a new job, starting your own company no less........that falls into the stress category for sure!

 

If I were you and you feel open to it.......I'd work on the mind set and "depression" or low mood, if you will.  Not all benefit from therapy with a pro, but you might......I did as well as working with them over time, a long time.......so they "get me" and remember all the factors that can throw me.  Self care should also include all the mindful-ness, meditative stuff you can do.  Gentle exercise, some sun exposure, etc.  Anyway, build up a nice selection of coping tools for the future.  You won't be sorry.

 

You might want to also do some reading at the Mad in America site, or take a look at Robert Whitaker's investigative book, Anatomy of an Epidemic .  Good stuff to help you understand that a lot of the human variation in moods is NOT a chemical imbalance.  Mainstream knowledge, including a lot of drug prescribing doctors, is just still in the dark ages.  And it's dangerous.

 

I too, likely would not reinstate at this point, if I were in your shoes.  I think your prognosis is good.  Yes, likely still some protracted WD syndrome.......manageable though, and it won't last forever.

 

Keep us updated please.  And don't be a stranger.  If you feel the need for support, here is a good place for that.  Most of us sing the same tune, and don't want to continue these drugs ad nauseatum.  LOL.

 

Hoping you are still in that window.  Yay!

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 

[OmegaZero]

18 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

And considering a new job, starting your own company no less........that falls into the stress category for sure!

Thanks for your answer ❤️ Oh, that was misunderstanding. I will start in a new company as an employee. But that falls also in the stress category.

At the moment I try to do little things like shopping in the groceries store and small appointments, no big deals. I try to find my maximum level of different imoressions to handle. I have seen: A big shopping center is not the impression I can take at the moment.

 

18 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

If I were you and you feel open to it.......I'd work on the mind set and "depression" or low mood, if you will.  Not all benefit from therapy with a pro, but you might......I did as well as working with them over time, a long time.......so they "get me" and remember all the factors that can throw me.  Self care should also include all the mindful-ness, meditative stuff you can do.  Gentle exercise, some sun exposure, etc.  Anyway, build up a nice selection of coping tools for the future.  You won't be sorry.

You are totally right. In the beginning I thought: It is a biological damage to the brain...how should a psychotherapy help in this? But now...I see that controlling the anxiety with different coping methods CAN be effective if learnt and executed in the right way. But here it is nearly impossible to find a therapy within the next 6-12 months...everyone is full.

 

18 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

You might want to also do some reading at the Mad in America site, or take a look at Robert Whitaker's investigative book, Anatomy of an Epidemic .  Good stuff to help you understand that a lot of the human variation in moods is NOT a chemical imbalance.  Mainstream knowledge, including a lot of drug prescribing doctors, is just still in the dark ages.  And it's dangerous.

I think that will be a big problem. If I read too much, then there is this deep, dark rabbit hole I fall into. But anyway many thanks for the link.

 

18 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

I too, likely would not reinstate at this point, if I were in your shoes.  I think your prognosis is good.  Yes, likely still some protracted WD syndrome.......manageable though, and it won't last forever.

Same thoughts here. Will not reinstate as it is CURRENTLY manageable. I hope this is the normal me in withdrawal and it won't get that worse than before. If this is the case, everything will be okay. If not, I have plans if I lose my job or any other problems...just to be sure to not be homeless.

 

18 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Keep us updated please.  And don't be a stranger.  If you feel the need for support, here is a good place for that.  Most of us sing the same tune, and don't want to continue these drugs ad nauseatum.  LOL.

 

Wow, that was so nice!!! I have written something in another forum and I was so rude...I really like the people here around. Very knowledgeable, very kind, but also direct. I love this kind of people!

 

18 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Hoping you are still in that window.  Yay!

I AM! ❤️❤️❤️ 

 

 

TODAY: Since Sunday it is still better but no change since then. That is okay. Still some diffuse anxiety from then to then...but as already said: manageable. But as already said: My feelings are back and that is crucial for me! I woke up today with little anxiety but going for a walk with my dog was the best choice to fight against this.
Yesterday I was out with my girlfriend to get a car insurance for her. That was going well, very well. No anxiety, no DP/DR, no terror, no panic attack. That was a good win!

Plans:

• I will create a little wall of success in my apartment. I will print out a big sheet of paper with the word "RECOVERY" on it. I will put this on a wall in my hallway. For every successful day I have, I will put one post-it onto the wall.  This makes sure that I can remember the good days when another wave hits me like a school bus.
• I will further test my ability to handle stress. I will try to go swimming as I really like to do this. I hope that I can cope with the symptoms that will arise on the way and at the indoor pool. I know that it is crucial to not overload my head and body with stress. So...we will see.
• Need to find a psychotherapy as soon as possible. But it is not easy here as you normally have to wait 6-12 months for a therapy.

[Altostrata]

14 hours ago, OmegaZero said:

Plans:

• I will create a little wall of success in my apartment. I will print out a big sheet of paper with the word "RECOVERY" on it. I will put this on a wall in my hallway. For every successful day I have, I will put one post-it onto the wall.  This makes sure that I can remember the good days when another wave hits me like a school bus.
• I will further test my ability to handle stress. I will try to go swimming as I really like to do this. I hope that I can cope with the symptoms that will arise on the way and at the indoor pool. I know that it is crucial to not overload my head and body with stress. So...we will see.
• Need to find a psychotherapy as soon as possible. But it is not easy here as you normally have to wait 6-12 months for a therapy.

 

Excellent plans!

[manymoretodays]

Okay!  Perfectly fine, not to read what you've found to be too much OmegaZero.  That's good you know what to avoid right now.  No need to head for the "rabbit hole".  Good, good plans and coping!!!

[Ryder]

Hi OmegaZero, 

 

Sorry you are experiencing such bad symptoms. Those windows where you experience a huge inflow of emotions is normal as anti-depressants surpress emotions. I have those moments where I experience emotion, and ill say to myself gosh its been a few months or years since I've felt that. 

 

It has gotten ALOT better since I have reduced my anti-depressant however and my Benzo as well. 

[OmegaZero]

Hey all!

 

I have a very very important question:

 

How long AFTER the last dose of a SSRI does it take when the protracted withdrawal kicks in? Should it be there immediately or can it take more than 3-6 months?

 

In my case I have taken my last dose in December, I havent had a bad withdrawal directly after the last dose. The first noticable symptoms were there after 5-7 months off the mediaction. Currently a doc has told me that it can be symptoms of a prodromal psychosis..I don't think that this is the case but...just to be sure.

 

Really appreciate your help!

 

 

[OmegaZero]

Oh, I should add:

When stopping SSRI in December there were symptoms like brain zaps, sweating, weird feeling in the head...but not bad at all. They have lasted a few weeks if at all.

[Altostrata]

12 hours ago, OmegaZero said:

When stopping SSRI in December there were symptoms like brain zaps, sweating, weird feeling in the head...but not bad at all. They have lasted a few weeks if at all.

 

That is what is known as the acute withdrawal phase. It could be that after that, you were recovering naturally from withdrawal, but your nervous system was still vulnerable. You may still have had very mild withdrawal syndrome that you thought was something else Then something happened to upset your nervous system, perhaps you drank alcohol, took an antibiotic or other drug, or did something unusually strenuous.

 

Acute withdrawal is somewhat arbitrarily defined as the initial 3-6 weeks. Protracted withdrawal syndrome follows acute withdrawal.

[OmegaZero]

18 hours ago, OmegaZero said:

How long AFTER the last dose of a SSRI does it take when the protracted withdrawal kicks in? Should it be there immediately or can it take more than 3-6 months?

@Altostrata

 

Thanks for your quick reply. I was thinking the same. But what's about the question above? Does protracted withdrawal follows directly after the acute withdrawal?

 

 

As an update for the rest of my story:

 

The last 3 weeks went okay for me. I still had anxiety when I wake up...maybe for two hours without knowing the cause. The palpitation makes me crazy then. After two hours or so it is going away. Then I normally have mild anxiety throughout the day, esp. if I am alone at home. I have diarrhea since 5 weeks, tests are on the go. Cognitive symptoms are still there, sometimes more, sometimes less. But they have gotten much better. Still feel that my muscles arent good as they were in the past. Sometimes I have very bad inner restlessness this was for a few days. I can go out again for short socialising but nothing that overwhelmes me. Until yesterday.

 

On my journey to find a good psychologist I have had a 40 minute appointment yesterday. After talking about my symptoms the psychologist told me that she thinks I am in a prodromal psychosis stage. I dont think that I have that. I'm 43, so normally you get into this in the age of 15-25. But this has triggered me a lot...looking out for symptoms again, feeling bad, questioning if this is right, googling again (thought I was over it) and so on. She was not aware about protracted withdrawal symptoms and was not willing to learn about this. It is so disappointing that no one is aware of the withdrawal symptoms. Still feeling alone with this. As a little light at the end of the tunnel: I have an appointment in November with a professor who is researching the protracted withdrawal symptoms. I think if I have no report or some paper from a reputated doctor, no one will believe me.

[Altostrata]

It hardly matters what kind of withdrawal you call it, it's rare to find any kind of doctor who understands what it is. Typically, they'll claim you're suffering from "relapse" or emergence of some exotic new psychiatric disorder, as this psychologist did.

 

It's very unlikely a new psychiatric disorder just happened to appear when you developed withdrawal syndrome.

 

Quote

 

Jul 2023 - massive anhedonia without depressive symtoms

Jul 2023 - now - massive anhedonia, anxiety without depressive symptoms

 

 

This symptom you can massive anhedonia is a very common consequence of long-term psychiatric drug treatment. If you look around here, you'll find many people experience it after they go off the drugs. It very slowly fades.

 

There's no definite treatment for withdrawal syndrome. It appear your symptoms are following a normal trajectory of very gradual recovery. This is about as good as it can get.

[OmegaZero]

Hey all!

 

I feel that I need to update all of you.

 

Since September it feels like it is getting better. I still have bad days with anxiety (never had that before stopping the ADs) and cognitive issues like concentration, focus etc.

Weird: If I think a lot or need to concentrate I will get headache.

 

So current symptoms:

 

• headache (when my brain needs to work)
• muscle tenseness (mainly in the neck and my shoulders)
• I generally feel very weak (walking etc. is difficult)
• dizziness (much better)
• palpitations (much better than before)
• weight loss (seems that it stops atm)
• diarrhea (seems to get a little better)
• tinnitus (is getting better and worse from day to day)
• feeling like there is pressure in my head
• anxiety (much lesser than before)
• slight anhedonia (is getting better)
• lack of interest (unchanged, had that before withdrawal)
• sometimes brain fog (much better)
• sensory overload at crowded places
• unstable emotions
• inner restlessness
• listlessness

And...Someone here in the forum has described this like: It feels like I'm walking along a cliff. Every second can change how I feel (mainly to the bad anxiety side). Weird feeling that leads to a lot of thoughts about "Oh, when will it change again, when will it get worse"...not good to focus only on the bad side.

 

Another strange observation: Sometimes my head feels like my brain is twisting or is in a blender. Nothing hurtful but it makes thinking nearly impossible...it is feeling purely blunt.

 

I do not take much supplements. At the moment I take:

 

Magnesium (400mg every two days before bed)

Vitamine D (20.000 IE once a week)

Fish Oil (3x 1000mg)

 

I immediately have cutted out my Pramipexole (Dopamin receptor agonist) against my Restless Legs. I have found out that it was affecting how I feel. When I have taken it at 10pm, it was doing nothing except helping with my RLS. But at 8-10 pm on the NEXT day I was feeling much better. I have made the conclusion that this affects my brain metabolism too hard. And my first rule is: Don't take anything that is affecting the brain metabolism this hard. I would like to let it heal naturally without interacting to much with medicine or supplements (if bearable).

 

I am very cautious about making a forecast because I know full well that ANYTHING can change within seconds. But It feels like I'm on the right track. I hope that this is recovery and no big window.

 

In November I will have an appointment in the next 8 weeks with a professor who is researching about the withdrawal syndrome. Curious what he will tell me about my status.

 

@manymoretodays Iron has improved, I dont need to take iron at the moment anymore.

 

@Altostrata Thanks for your answer!

 

Again to all of you here in this place: It's incredible how much effort you put into making us all feel better here.

 

[Altostrata]

You're welcome, good to hear it's going better.

[OmegaZero]

Update:

 

I have started a new job in October. The new job is the worst decision I have made in my carreer. The atmosphere is awful, the management is bad as it could be. The colleagues are very nice. Biggest problem: This has triggered a new wave. Cognitive symptoms are leading at the moment, anhedonia kills about 80-90% of my feelings. I see that I cannot learn new things at the moment, that will be a heavy issue in the future. I hope that I can made it through the first 6 months. After this they cannot fire me anymore easily. I'am already planning for the worst case (if I lose this job). But...not nice to see this future for me...

[Altostrata]

You may wish to find a new job sooner rather than later.

[OmegaZero]

Update:

Since October I work in a new job. It is still the worst decision but the wave has dropped. I'll use this time to look for a new not so high demanding job as I still have cognitive problems.

Now since yesterday I am COVID positive. Still thinking if it is a good decision to take Paxlovid. I'm not at high risk and I have seen in the leaflet that it can trigger things like panic, anxiety, cognitive problems and so on.

 

I think I won't take it.

 

Symptoms still there:

 

• cognitive issues
• nearly no feelings
• anxiety in the morning
• nearly no stress resistance -> anxiety etc.
• heart palpitations
• always the feeling that I am ill

 

I will post from time to time here to give you an update.

[OmegaZero]

Update:

 

Since October last year a lot has happened. In the first months of my new job I have had a lot of panic attacks, anxiety etc. I was getting used to my new job and everything was calming down. Anxiety was going down, a FEW feelings came back. In November I have had a Covid infection. Covid has done a lot of harm to me. I was having massive problems with breathing and coughing. At the moment it is getting better, the docs haven't found anything. Luckily it wasn't doing anything with the withdrawal symptoms.

 

My current state is a lot more relaxed, fewer anxiety, fewer fear of diseases. At the moment I kind of feel depressed a little bit but this is nothing unmanageable. I hope that my emotions will return much more but to be honest: I think that I will stuck in my current state. That is okay for me as I am able to enjoy a few things in life more than before. Maybe I have the wrong idea about how it should be. I've taken so many medications over time that it's been a good 20 years since I felt "normal."

 

So lets see what the future holds for me.

 

 

[FireflyFyte]

2 hours ago, OmegaZero said:

My current state is a lot more relaxed, fewer anxiety, fewer fear of diseases.

 

I am glad to read that it sounds like you are progressing in your healing. I am sure you will see further improvements as time goes on.