Tapering2023: Medication or withdrawal?

[Tapering2023]

Definitely no improvements. Day 9. I’m trying a new anti inflammatory diet. 

[LostInCanada]

This is a really great success story to read. 

  https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/25491-kena-finally-made-it-through/?do=findComment&comment=548463

[Tapering2023]

Do you have one where someone stabilized after bad withdrawal with an updose? 
 

I see success stories but they are all people being completely off which is different than my case.

[LostInCanada]

I would just search updose on here. I've seen them over the year I have been here but it's like searching for a needle in a haystack tbh. Just liked KenA 's suggestions in weathering the storm.

[Tapering2023]

Yea. The thousands of harm thoughts and urges of the same area being thrown in your consciousness pretty much no matter what you do is absolute torture. I cry daily it’s just terrible. 
 

I just hope there is an end in near soon. Doing this for years just seems utterly impossible. 
 

I’ve already had to stop all social interaction outside of family and do a leave of absence

[Tapering2023]

I have not had a lessening in the thoughts at all even with the updose. I just don’t understand how this can be so severe. I feel as if I’m not healing at all and it’s been 5.5 months. 

[LostInCanada]

On 10/26/2023 at 11:37 AM, Altostrata said:

I don't understand what's going on with your syringe measurement. You might take it to your pharmacist to get clarification about your method.

Did you follow through on this? I think you change in method from syringe to using a scale has affected accuracy and consistency.

[Tapering2023]

I have used the scale for months and get exactly the same dose each time as close as I can. 

[Tapering2023]

It feels like I’m not getting any better. 
 

I have to be out in front of the thoughts all day long and fight the urges. 
 

Does it ever subside or get easier? 
 

am I even stabilizing at .695? Did the updose make it worse? 
 

is just getting off better at this point? 
 

all this runs through my head constantly as I just don’t want to live through this hell anymore

[LostInCanada]

@Tapering2023 I wish I had the solution. Do you feel worse off since the updose? This journey is trauma inducing for sure. You will get better but there is no way to say when. You can try another updose to .71 mg but definitely not if it has gotten worse. 

[Tapering2023]

That’s the thing… the updoses in the past haven’t done anything. 
 

been two weeks on .695 so far. 
 

the not knowing if I’m healing and if it’s the meds causing symptoms or a possible adverse reaction is killing me. 
 

if I was off I’d at least know I’m moving toward healing because I’d be off.

[LostInCanada]

I totally understand what you’re saying. I know some on here that have had symptoms lessen as they taper but generally they always had numerous side effects from the drugs previous to withdraw.
You are healing, don’t doubt that. 

Have you heard back from Mark Horowitz? 

[Tapering2023]

I have a meeting with him and my family on the 6th. 
 

he’s in the UK so technically he can’t legally give me exact advice on what to do which sucks. 
 

maybe he knows someone in the US he can refer me to that can. 
 

I’ve always been tapering each 4-6 weeks since 2017. So I can’t determine if I started getting symptoms from the medication itself or if it’s just withdrawal. 
 

what I know is the same persistent thought/urge all day to cut the most vulnerable part of your body is the worst thing I think any human can experience, and I’ve been fighting that everyday for 5 and a half months. 
 

it seems like my brain is broken and I don’t know if it’s withdrawal or the meds themself. 
 

Part of me wants to get off completely to see but another part of me is terrified of getting worse symptoms for years like full

blown akathisia insomnia and hallucinations. 
 

I seriously couldn’t handle anymore than what I’m handling now so it just ******* sucks. 
 

I want to have hope for healing but I have no certainty. 
 

 

[LostInCanada]

So glad the appointment is set. Write down everything you need to ask. Ask it in a hypothetical way so that he can advise. For example IF someone was tapering since ... And then these symptoms appeared... what hypothetically could be the reason and how could that be mitigated. The more details the better he can help.

 

[Tapering2023]

Thanks. 
 

do you guys have any coping strategies for looping self harm thoughts and urges. 
 

I feel like they’re just getting stronger and stronger and it’s so bad I have to like lock my hands in place somewhere right now. 
 

I have this believe that it’s withdrawal induced and no matter what I do it’s not going to improve like regular ocd. 
 

I feel like I’ve tried everything and I’m so exhausted from fighting everyday I just don’t know what to do anymore. 

[LostInCanada]

There is a mentor on here named @Greatful that dealt with similar self harm issues. Hope they don't mind the tag but maybe they can give you some tips and encouragement.

Thanks so much Greatful, really appreciate it. ♥️🙏👍

[LostInCanada]

 

There may be some things in this thread that help or other members you can message or read their intros for tips as well.

 

[Tapering2023]

Worse day in a while. Feel like things are getting worse. I just don’t get it. 
 

I literally do everything I know to do to improve healing. 
 

no sugar no carbs no artificial ingredients no EMF red light therapy blocking blue light getting sun in the morning for circadian health. 
 

And things just don’t seem to be improving at all. 
 

im seriously fighting SI and harm urges all day long. 
 

I can’t believe one drug with how slow I’ve tapered can do this to me. 
 

 

[LostInCanada]

@Tapering2023 how did your appointment go? I hope you got some answers and reassurance.

[Tapering2023]

It’s Thursday. 
 

we are trying to figure out what to do for me as a family. I’m in really really bad shape. 
 

 

[LostInCanada]

I am confident Dr Horowitz will be able to help.

[Tapering2023]

Is there anything recommend for the tortuous mornings? I wake up and the harm thoughts/urges start immediately and I have to pace around the house basically like I have akathisia. 
 

is there anything that can help this? I just feel like anything I do nothing helps and it’s so discouraging

[Tapering2023]

I read in a forum you posted that 500mg of niacin can help with intrusive thoughts. Is that common practice? 

[LostInCanada]

@Tapering2023 who wrote that? I know large doses of niacinamide have been uses for schizophrenia. At this point I would wait to see what Dr Horowitz says. B vitamins can cause issues as well for a sensitive CNS.

[Tapering2023]

Yea but is that in supplements or food? 

[LostInCanada]

@Tapering2023 supplements not in food. And methylated B is worse than non methylated 

[Tapering2023]

Why is that I thought methylated is supposed to be better

[Tapering2023]

Is it bad to switch from magnesium glycinate to Threonate right away? Or is it fine because it’s magnesium.
 

[LostInCanada]

5 hours ago, Tapering2023 said:

Is it bad to switch from magnesium glycinate to Threonate right away

Some do better with threonate. Just be aware there could be an adjustment.

5 hours ago, Tapering2023 said:

I thought methylated is supposed to be better

Methylated is immediately usable, non methylated your body does the conversion. I just know for me methylated is too stimulating and in my mind more processed. I would rather let my body convert what it needs. That being said any B has risk. Research it and feel comfortable with your decision.

How did the appointment go?

[Tapering2023]

So I’ll do theronate once and glycinate once per day now. Already feel horrendous so it doesn’t matter at this point 

[Tapering2023]

Is there a recommended medication to get on. I have to do something. I’m at the end of the rope right now and I’m at risk. 

[Tapering2023]

Is there even anyone who had SI and harm ocd in withdrawal that got it mitigated by getting on another med?

 

I can’t handle any worse than what I’m going through. I seriously can’t. 

[LostInCanada]

This site is dedicated to tapering off these drugs. All that can be recommended is to updose until you reach stability or wait it out. Did you have your appointment with Mark Horowitz today? If you want to explore a drug alternative that would have to be something to pursue with your doctor. 

[Tapering2023]

He said I can updose or get on another medication or wait it out where I am at. Nothing I don’t already know, I’m just in a dire need right now as I can’t handle the thoughts and urges anymore. 

[LostInCanada]

I am so sorry you are in this hell. Adding another drug to the mix is so risky in my opinion. Updosing has been more reliable for most than the other two options. I have seen some on here updose weekly till they stabilize. 

[Tapering2023]

I’ll try the updose weekly.