Tapering2023: Medication or withdrawal?

[LostInCanada]

Did he have a suggestion of how much per time? I know I mentioned 0.710 mg.

[Tapering2023]

No we didn’t discuss that. 

 

He said to work back up to .825. 
 

im at .6ml on syringe which is .695 on the weighing scale. Will go to .62 ml in the syringe. 

[LostInCanada]

Sounds like a good plan. Just stay the course and this has got to turn around sooner than later. It really is the drug and not you. You have been amazingly strong. 

[Tapering2023]

Thanks for being there for me 

[LostInCanada]

You are so welcome. We definitely need each other to get through this insanity. 💯

[Tapering2023]

Have you heard of a glutamate release inhibitor? In withdrawal it’s the nervous systems that’s jacked up not chemical imbalances though right? I think I read somewhere that glutamate is too high I don’t know.

[LostInCanada]

17 minutes ago, Tapering2023 said:

chemical imbalances

The whole chemical imbalance is just a myth. 

 

[LostInCanada]

19 minutes ago, Tapering2023 said:

Have you heard of a glutamate release inhibitor?

I have. Again it’s just theory is my understanding. Everything in our body is so intricately connected that when we mess with one thing it affects 50 other things negatively it seems. 

[Tapering2023]

I am trying an updose. I hate not knowing if this is helping me or hurting me. 

[LostInCanada]

1 hour ago, Tapering2023 said:

I hate not knowing if this is helping me or hurting me. 

I understand your feelings. The thing is you are already on the drug so it's a matter of working with it to bring resolution. At least the increases are very small. 

[Tapering2023]

Yea. I just hope that the updoses aren’t prolonging healing. I guess I can try updosing every 7 days until I’m at .825, where I was last stable. Technically that is .7ml in the syringe. Weighing scale just read it a bit higher. 

[LostInCanada]

@Tapering2023 how are you doing?

[Tapering2023]

Day 6 of .62ml. Still no changes in the nonstop SI and harm thoughts. Fighting for my life every minute. 

[Kaylaq]

I hear you! I feel you! 😊😊 the desperation is horrible! Keep posting, we are here for you!!

Sending you strength, courage, and love to fight & live another day!! 

[LostInCanada]

@Tapering2023 once you get through this and you will, anything life throws at you will be a breeze. Everyone fighting through this is amazing. 

[AblazingTulip]

15 hours ago, LostInCanada said:

@Tapering2023 once you get through this and you will, anything life throws at you will be a breeze. Everyone fighting through this is amazing. 

This reminds me of the things I have been feeling and saying in that we are like sailboats and we should create our own wind to set our own direction instead of allowing the winds of life and others to blow us this way and that. Life then becomes the breeze yuss! And when the winds of others come strong, close down the hatches, and let them blow over you, not into you.

 

And the quote:

“The devil whispered in my ear, ‘you are not strong enough to withstand the storm’. Today, I whispered in the devil’s ear, ‘I am the storm’.”

 

 

[Tapering2023]

Is there anyone having harm intrusive thoughts and SI that I can connect with? Looking for healing buddies I can talk with.

[Kaylaq]

We have all been there in SI & crazy thoughts in this withdrawal process.  It’s best not to focus on it so much!! Do you journal, writing down all these intensive thoughts you have can be a release.  I would write down my thoughts and then tear it up into little pieces and throw away as a symbol of making a different choice. 
 

we hear you, we see you, and we feel the pain you are in… Hang on!! 🥰 

[Tapering2023]

I have nonstop looping self harm thoughts and pain in a specific area. Doesn’t matter what coping I do they’re there all day. Going to .64 from .62 today for 7 days. 
 

Last updose from .6 to .62 didn’t do anything.

[AblazingTulip]

30 minutes ago, Tapering2023 said:

I have nonstop looping self harm thoughts and pain in a specific area. Doesn’t matter what coping I do they’re there all day. Going to .64 from .62 today for 7 days. 
 

Last updose from .6 to .62 didn’t do anything.

Stay strong! My fever seems lighter now, so I can reply (passed out (not sleep) for 1.5 hrs), but I stared at your previous message for more than an hour ... Typed 6 responses I never sent.
You are thought of and cared for here. Just know that. 🌷

Edited February 16 by AblazingTulip
typo ofc ... WD does many of those.

[Tapering2023]

Suicidal ideation are ******* crazy today. Have family with me and have to have someone with me because it’s so bad. Shaking with tremors all day. 
 

is there anything recommend outside of the updoses to try right now? 
 

im in dire need of relief we don’t know what to do

[Kaylaq]

So glad you aren’t alone!  Breathe, … when I’m in this stage I surrender to a higher power, pray, pray! 
 I send you strength, courage and love to live and fight this another day!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻  🥰🥰  I don’t know if you can but I also try to lose myself in a movie. 

[Tapering2023]

Are these self harm urges a normal part of withdrawal? I just feel like this is beyond anything I’ve experienced even in withdrawal. Nonstop urges to harm a specific area of my body. It’s so ***** up I feel like I need to be in a psych ward but then they’ll put me on antipsychotics and I’ll get full

blown akathisia. 

[LostInCanada]

1 minute ago, Tapering2023 said:

Are these self harm urges a normal part of withdrawal?

Unfortunately for some yes. Do you think the updose is working against you? Have you searched self harm on here. It might be helpful to private message some that have had similar issues. 

[Tapering2023]

Everyday is terrible with the same SI and self harm urges. Updoses haven’t changed anything. 2nd day of .64ml. I don’t know what to do with my dosages at this point. Go to .66ml and just stay there I guess and hope I’m stabilizing and healing. Who knows if I’m even healing. This **** is just unreal. 

[Kaylaq]

Stabilizing on each dose takes time, you aren’t going to see any big changes from one day to another. You have been in a high stress level for a long time now, your body, brain are in overload!!!   Keep remembering this is your brain thoughts!! This is not the real you!!! 

 Im not experienced enough in what you are going through, but when I was in the SI mode, I screamed and screamed into a pillow, let myself cry into exhaustion!   I would put my arms around myself, rocking, repeating “this too shall pass” over and over, until I could breathe again. I also, kept repeating “ I love you, I love you” to myself.  I also, said over and over “ I choose to live” again & again.  I did this out loud, to drown out the horrible thoughts. 

 

since you write, and express yourself well, and you keep someone with you, that says you are fighting this… you want to live!  When you can properly breathe again, jump into distraction, distraction!! For me it was reading novels,  I read nonstop for weeks. What is your best distraction mode? 
 

we hear you, we see you!!! Sending you strength, courage, love to live another day!!! All you have to do is live from one moment to the next at this moment.  My heart goes out to you! 🥰🥰

 

 

 

[AblazingTulip]

4 hours ago, Tapering2023 said:

Everyday is terrible with the same SI and self harm urges. Updoses haven’t changed anything. 2nd day of .64ml. I don’t know what to do with my dosages at this point. Go to .66ml and just stay there I guess and hope I’m stabilizing and healing. Who knows if I’m even healing. This **** is just unreal. 

Please. Look after yourself. I know your pain, but this is yours, and I hear you. Stay strong. 🌷... and yes. It is unreal.

[LostInCanada]

5 hours ago, Tapering2023 said:

Go to .66ml and just stay there I guess and hope I’m stabilizing and healing.

Sucks that there really isn't any other options. It doesn't seem like a great solution but some on here have held for 2 years without any change and that isn't an option. I am so thankful you have a supportive family.

[Tapering2023]

I can’t live like this for 2 years. Honestly wish that wasn’t even mentioned.  
 

It’s a miracle I make it through the day. 
 

are these looping nonstop self harm thoughts and urges common? It seems like my brain is being conditioned by them because they’re there nonstop no matter what I do, the only time they lessen is if I’m talking… 

 

it’s honestly nuts. I don’t even get windows.

[Tapering2023]

Being in this same state with no change for even a few more months I’d probably just cold turkey so I at least can know each day is guaranteed healing. 2 years of having the symptoms on the med with no changes tells me that has to be the meds causing it. 

[Tapering2023]

What was that guy even on? 
 

also this is putting my family through absolute hell

[LostInCanada]

22 minutes ago, Tapering2023 said:

What was that guy even on? 

The situation was different than yours and a different drug. I was just making the point that at least you are doing something as opposed to doing nothing. Sometimes people get paralyzed in their circumstance and are afraid to act. Thankfully you are trying to reverse this with updosing. 

[Tapering2023]

I’m so angry. I have rage fits and scream multiple times a day. I have to or else I’ll go nuts. Feel like I’m going mad. 
 

Updoses haven’t done anything so far I’m not sure if they even help. I’m so over this. 
 

Did a 6 year taper according to the 10% reduction method and still ran into this crap. 
 

im not even off the meds and the withdrawal is x2 worse then the withdrawal i had when i cold turkeyed klonopin 6 years ago. 
 

there’s literally nothing i can do but just updose to .66 and try to stabilize… part of me wants to cold turkey but then I’ll probably be resetting the healing process from scratch and get akathisia or insomnia with my luck. 

[Emonda]

38 minutes ago, Tapering2023 said:

part of me wants to cold turkey

 

Based on personal experience (several of them prior to finding this site), I would not do that.

 

We feel your pain, Tapering2023, and I am sorry to read of your ongoing suffering. 

[Borealice]

58 minutes ago, Tapering2023 said:

I’m so angry. I have rage fits and scream multiple times a day. I have to or else I’ll go nuts. Feel like I’m going mad. 
 

Updoses haven’t done anything so far I’m not sure if they even help. I’m so over this. 
 

Did a 6 year taper according to the 10% reduction method and still ran into this crap. 
 

im not even off the meds and the withdrawal is x2 worse then the withdrawal i had when i cold turkeyed klonopin 6 years ago. 
 

there’s literally nothing i can do but just updose to .66 and try to stabilize… part of me wants to cold turkey but then I’ll probably be resetting the healing process from scratch and get akathisia or insomnia with my luck. 

Same boat as you. Stuck on one same stupid thought for two months. 24/7. And I don’t want to forget the thought. It’s pure terror and I’m terrified. I also went through Paxil withdrawal cold turkey and this time seems somewhere worse, where I tapered slowly off zoloft. I feel like I need electric therapy or something to forget this thought. It’s traumatizing. I’m so scared. 

[Kaylaq]

i so wish there was a way for your suffering to ease up…  prayers and listing things to be grateful for have been helping me…like, my pillow, the bathroom, the chair I sit on, the food I can eat, the roof over my head, my family. I just list all the little things in my daily life that we take for granted.  
 

in your intense ordeal it may be hard to do, but you have to break away from those thoughts….you have to make a different thought road, over & over!!! 
 

Find a Mantra, and speak it all day long!!! 
sending you strength, courage, and love to live another day!! 🥰🥰🥰