DaveB: trying to stop a roller coaster year

[Dalalea]

3 hours ago, DaveB said:

1st day with no Dr Pepper again

When I went off cola, I actually tapered down over a week or so. I went as long as I could before drinking one. Then one day I would realize I hadn't had one at all and that would be it. This was way before withdrawal. Caffeine withdrawal is real!

Hope it gets better soon!

Dalalea

[RachelSusan]

Dave,

When I had withdrawal symptoms I stopped drinking any carbonated beverages, lowered my sugar intake, stopped anything with caffeine and stopped any alcohol. Except for the alcohol I don't know if it made a difference but I just became afraid to ingest anything. I never was a big drinker but I do know that 3 oz of champagne one New Year's sent me to bed for 3 days with the withdrawal symptoms. Also any medications were suspect in my book. I had a nose spray that I used during that period that triggered shaking and sweating. I had used it before with no problems.   I don't think you are crazy in regard to the Dr. Pepper, I get it.  You live in your body,  you know how you feel. Dave, I know you are having a hard time.  You've had better days in the past and you will get better days again. I know you want better days NOW.  I want that for you as well. Hang in there.

RS

[FarmGirlWorks]

That is so interesting, the Dr Pepper/carbonated bev thing. About a month or so ago, I stopped drinking non-caffeinated carbonated beverages (Zevia, sweetened with stevia, not sugar) because my body just didn't feel like it wanted it. I had been drinking them pretty heavily all the way through WD to help with the sweetness cravings of no longer drinking alcohol. Anyways, it is actually hot here today and I had a seltzer water with bitters in it. Will be watching closely if it effects. I'm in a wave but more in the depressive part, not the anxious part (I envision it like a sine wave and anxiety is the top and depression is the bottom -- I'm somewhere in the middle). Anyways, hang in there, DaveB. WD is a strange beast.

[Carmie]

10 hours ago, DaveB said:

Just a real tough grind it out day today, it has just been really hard. Hoping that it is due to being the 1st day with no Dr Pepper again (last time I quit I had a couple of rough days before some good improvement). I have got to think I am just having a weird withdrawal of sorts with soda. It helps me for a few hours, but it is like I get inter-dose withdrawal from it? Is that just so weird? I would think it just can't be this, but seems like every-time I test it, it works out this way. Like my Dr Pepper is acting like a benzo or something, but with a very short half-life. I don't know, you all may think I am crazy, heck so do I, but I have tested it many times and it is almost without fail the way it plays out. Anyway, tough, really tough day today, looking for hop and/or encouragement. 

 

Hi Dave, 

 

If your soft drink is affecting you so much maybe cold turkey isn’t the way to go. 

 

My brain is in tapering mode, so bear with me, you could drink 3/4 of the can for the first week, then 1/2 a can the second week, then a quarter of the can the third week and then give up.

 

I’m laughing😂 as I’m writing this because who out there in the non withdrawal world would think we could be so sensitive to things. This is probably way to slow to go off Dr Pepper but I’m amusing myself writing this. 

 

Hope it all all goes well for you my fellow sufferer 

[Hazel]

Hi Dave,

Are you feeling any better today?

[DaveB]

1 hour ago, Hazel said:

Hi Dave,

Are you feeling any better today?

 

I have been much less up and down the last two days. This far my Theroy on soda has been proven true. We shall see.

[Hazel]

That’s great, Dave👍

[Rosetta]

Hi Dave,

Glad to hear you have been less up and down.  That's great news.  I hope it all continues to improve.  There are much worse addictions than caffeine.  You can quit more easily with caffeine. Sometimes the only thing that gets me through a few hours of anxiety or sadness is remembering that -- it could be worse and is for some people.  I miss my coffee, but I want to get well!  

Peace, R

 

[Waterfall]

On 4/28/2018 at 7:40 PM, DaveB said:

 

I have been much less up and down the last two days. This far my Theroy on soda has been proven true. We shall see.

 

I'm so glad to hear that you've been feeling a bit better, Dave.  

I know you've been really discouraged.  

 

I know I'm in a bad wave myself right now, 

but reading your thread was one of the most encouraging things I've done recently. 

Both because of your own improvement, 

and because of the things that people have written for you. 

While I don't like that others have suffered, 

knowing that they have been through similar things, 

and come out the other side, 

it gives us hope.  

[DaveB]

1 hour ago, Waterfall said:

 

I'm so glad to hear that you've been feeling a bit better, Dave.  

I know you've been really discouraged.  

 

I know I'm in a bad wave myself right now, 

but reading your thread was one of the most encouraging things I've done recently. 

Both because of your own improvement, 

and because of the things that people have written for you. 

While I don't like that others have suffered, 

knowing that they have been through similar things, 

and come out the other side, 

it gives us hope.  

 

I know right? My thread is a treasure trove of amazing advice, thoughts, and encouragement. I often read back through it when I am struggling and am amazed at the insight of my SA friends. This weekend I felt much more even, not normal at all, but much less swings (and much less EXTREME anxiety). Sunday afternoon was really tough for some reason, but then I took my kids for a bike ride and I had a GREAT normal night. This morning so far has been my best morning in weeks, just wanted to document it. 

[Rosetta]

Yea!! Very glad you were having a good morning!  Hope it lasts. - R

[Hazel]

That’s awesome, Dave😊

[Carmie]

7 hours ago, DaveB said:

 

I know right? My thread is a treasure trove of amazing advice, thoughts, and encouragement. I often read back through it when I am struggling and am amazed at the insight of my SA friends. This weekend I felt much more even, not normal at all, but much less swings (and much less EXTREME anxiety). Sunday afternoon was really tough for some reason, but then I took my kids for a bike ride and I had a GREAT normal night. This morning so far has been my best morning in weeks, just wanted to document it. 

 

That’s really wonderful news Dave,

 

Its great to get windows even if they’re not full windows. Just a bit of reprieve of symptoms makes all the difference .Wish you many more windows. Glad you had a nice time taking your kids on a bike ride and that a normal night.

 

Here’s to more normal days and nights. When you’re going through a wave, just a few normal hours with a bit of a window during the day makes all the difference. It helps you see that things can change. 

 

Take care my fellow sufferer

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Dalalea]

10 hours ago, DaveB said:

then I took my kids for a bike ride and I had a GREAT normal night. This morning so far has been my best morning in weeks, just wanted to document it. 

More improvements! Those windows, no matter how long, I so wonderful! I'm glad you had that positive time with your kids, too!

[DaveB]

19 hours ago, Rosetta said:

Yea!! Very glad you were having a good morning!  Hope it lasts. - R

 

Unfortunately it didn't. Anxiety came back yesterday afternoon and this morning has been horrible again. I am tired, and tired of waiting. I am really sick of any improvement getting ripped out from underneath me. I just don't know what to do or how to keep going forward without hope of real, lasting improvement. It just doesn't happen, no progress has been sustainable over these last 4 months of holding. I honestly feel no different than I did in January. I get blips of hope here and there, but they never last and the inevitable crash is so disheartening.  

[Hazel]

7 minutes ago, DaveB said:

 

Unfortunately it didn't. Anxiety came back yesterday afternoon and this morning has been horrible again. I am tired, and tired of waiting. I am really sick of any improvement getting ripped out from underneath me. I just don't know what to do or how to keep going forward without hope of real, lasting improvement. It just doesn't happen, no progress has been sustainable over these last 4 months of holding. I honestly feel no different than I did in January. I get blips of hope here and there, but they never last and the inevitable crash is so disheartening.  

Sorry you are dealing with this Dave, but I feel exactly the same way.  I was getting good days here and there, but now I’m lucky if I get a good few hours.  It’s so hard to have patience when this has been going on so long and feels like it will never end.  Try to keep telling yourself this will end and things will get better-I have to remind myself of that as often as I can.  It’s really hard and I am right there with you.  We can do this.

[Rosetta]

I feel for you.  This is very, very difficult.  We have to keep living, and savor the moments when we feel better.  The evening will be better, Dave.  Keep your mind on that, and try to stay distracted -- busy, entertained, engaged.  Get sunlight -- that makes a big difference for me.  We can get to the other side one day at a time.  Cry if you need to.  Sometimes that helps me.

[DaveB]

2 hours ago, Hazel said:

Sorry you are dealing with this Dave, but I feel exactly the same way.  I was getting good days here and there, but now I’m lucky if I get a good few hours.  It’s so hard to have patience when this has been going on so long and feels like it will never end.  Try to keep telling yourself this will end and things will get better-I have to remind myself of that as often as I can.  It’s really hard and I am right there with you.  We can do this.

 

1 hour ago, Rosetta said:

I feel for you.  This is very, very difficult.  We have to keep living, and savor the moments when we feel better.  The evening will be better, Dave.  Keep your mind on that, and try to stay distracted -- busy, entertained, engaged.  Get sunlight -- that makes a big difference for me.  We can get to the other side one day at a time.  Cry if you need to.  Sometimes that helps me.

Thanks guys for the encouragement, I am just so discouraged. @brassmonkey shouldn't I be stabilizing by now? Am I doing something wrong? I thought for sure since in coincided with my wave that caffeine and Dr Pepper were the culprit, alas that doesn't seem to be the case. I wish I had hope or some shred of evidence of improvement or stabilizing, but it is just the same up and down garbage I have been dealing with for over a year now. When do I get to be me again, is there really no drug that can help with this crap? I would like to be off of it all, but at this point I would take anything to be functional. I can't believe that stopping my 50mg dose of Zoloft in October of 2016 has done this to my life, how is that even possible? I had a great life, I had some anxiety but I was just fine, stopped taking a pill I felt I no longer needed and my life got completely turned upside/down. Is there any hope for me at this point?

[Rosetta]

1 hour ago, DaveB said:

 

Thanks guys for the encouragement,

 

I understand, but you do know just as I do that all of this will come to an end, slowly, but surely.  Your good days are evidence of the brain having repaired itself.  It is so very hard to fall back down the rabbit hole.  I know.

[DaveB]

19 hours ago, Rosetta said:

 

I understand, but you do know just as I do that all of this will come to an end, slowly, but surely.  Your good days are evidence of the brain having repaired itself.  It is so very hard to fall back down the rabbit hole.  I know.

 

I know, and I actually had a pretty good night amazingly. This morning has continued to be pretty good so I am in the "what was such a big deal?" phase right now. 

[Rosetta]

Sigh . . . It really is insane.  My symptoms calmed down in the late afternoon and my evening was ok, too.  I was all right until I had cortisol spikes early this morning.  Then, after I went out my anxiety calmed down. 

 

I'm glad today is better for you, Dave.  You need a break.

[DaveB]

33 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

Sigh . . . It really is insane.  My symptoms calmed down in the late afternoon and my evening was ok, too.  I was all right until I had cortisol spikes early this morning.  Then, after I went out my anxiety calmed down. 

 

I'm glad today is better for you, Dave.  You need a break.

 

Don't we both, no one deserves it more than you Rosetta. You will get there!

[brassmonkey]

Hi Dave-- even though there are swings on a daily basis and some bad waves the undertone of your posts show that there have been some real improvement over the past four months.  Being on the inside you might not see them, but they are there.  I do think that the caffeine and Dr Pepper may have contributed to your wave.  The entire world takes it for granted, but caffeine is a highly addictive drug and a real bear that takes a long time to get off of.  If you google it there are a huge number of posts dealing with Dr. Pepper addiction too.  With your body being in a sensitive state it's quite possible the the shock of the reduction in the two helped set things off.  While we are on psych drugs it is very hard to tell just how affected our bodies are by them.  It's not until we are well and truly off of them that we can look back and see just how affected we were.  Even the tiny doses at the end of a taper have a profound influence on how we feel.

 

I've mentioned before that this is a long slow and very frustrating process.  Keep the faith, let nature take it's course and recovery will happen.  Don't try to second guess things, but your body will tell you when it's ready to start your taper.

 

Brassmonkey

[Rabe]

Brassmonkey I am grateful for your wisdom...I read what you and others and copy them and put them on my computer to read as needed.  DaveB so grateful you are dong well.  Brassmonkey thank you for that post!!!

[DaveB]

15 minutes ago, brassmonkey said:

Hi Dave-- even though there are swings on a daily basis and some bad waves the undertone of your posts show that there have been some real improvement over the past four months.  Being on the inside you might not see them, but they are there.  I do think that the caffeine and Dr Pepper may have contributed to your wave.  The entire world takes it for granted, but caffeine is a highly addictive drug and a real bear that takes a long time to get off of.  If you google it there are a huge number of posts dealing with Dr. Pepper addiction too.  With your body being in a sensitive state it's quite possible the the shock of the reduction in the two helped set things off.  While we are on psych drugs it is very hard to tell just how affected our bodies are by them.  It's not until we are well and truly off of them that we can look back and see just how affected we were.  Even the tiny doses at the end of a taper have a profound influence on how we feel.

 

I've mentioned before that this is a long slow and very frustrating process.  Keep the faith, let nature take it's course and recovery will happen.  Don't try to second guess things, but your body will tell you when it's ready to start your taper.

 

Brassmonkey

 

This is great stuff Brassmonkey, thank you. I am hoping that a big part of this wave has been the reintroducing and subsequent withdrawal again of caffeine and Dr Pepper. I need to be better at keeping the faith in bad times, thanks for your incredible insight as always!

 

9 minutes ago, Rabe said:

Brassmonkey I am grateful for your wisdom...I read what you and others and copy them and put them on my computer to read as needed.  DaveB so grateful you are dong well.  Brassmonkey thank you for that post!!!

 

Thank you, I know, his posts are golden nuggets to review during my weak times.

[DaveB]

Twice Monthly Update:

 

Wow, my roller coaster continues. Last part of April was much worse than the 1st part anxiety wise. Not sure what triggered it, but it has been a pretty tough struggle for sure. Pretty up and down, as I have had some pretty good times the last couple of weeks as well. 

 

Symptoms:

 

Anxiety - MUCH worse than my last update. Still sleeping good. 

 

Inability to concentrate or enjoy things - Even in this wave I have been able to enjoy things. The Utah Jazz have made a run in the playoffs and I have very much enjoyed watching their games, among other things. 

 

IBS - Come back in full force in this recent wave. 

 

Oily Skin - Still a thing, but not sure if it is even withdrawal related. 

 

Face Flushing and feeling "hot" - Hasn't come back much, even in this wave.

 

Pins and Needles - Hasn't come back much, even in this wave.

 

Negative Thoughts - Mostly just worry about not making progress and going backwards.

 

Sensitivity to Sound - Gone.

 

Sensitivity to Smell - Gone.

 

Shaking (especially in the hands) - Has come back to a small degree.

 

Burning Eyes - Gone, and was actually a real problem at one point.

 

OCD/Intrusive Thoughts - Not a huge issue. 

[Rosetta]

How are you doing?  Have you decided to avoid the forum a bit to see if that helps?  Hope you are feeling ok. -R

[DaveB]

16 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

How are you doing?  Have you decided to avoid the forum a bit to see if that helps?  Hope you are feeling ok. -R

 

I have been kind of staying away because I find myself doing MUCH better and haven't wanted to come talk about it and jinx it. I also haven't needed the constant support and reassurance, which is a good thing. Ironically, today anxiety has been a little higher than the past week, but I am trying to roll with it knowing it will get better, and it hasn't been too bad today. So I guess my update is that I am doing MUCH better and hoping it continues. 

[Hazel]

Great to hear Dave!  So happy for you😊

[Rosetta]

That's so nice to hear, Dave.  You needed that break from all that anxiety.  Maybe while it's still mild you can practice some techniques to calm it.  Sweet dreams!

 

-Rosetta

[DaveB]

Well maybe I jinxed it, haha! Today has been more of a grind.  Today, and a little yesterday, were the 1st time in a week anxiety got to "unmanageable" levels. So I have to take that as a big positive and move forward doing the best I can today in a day that has been kind of crap.

[wildchild93]

3 hours ago, DaveB said:

Well maybe I jinxed it, haha! Today has been more of a grind.  Today, and a little yesterday, were the 1st time in a week anxiety got to "unmanageable" levels. So I have to take that as a big positive and move forward doing the best I can today in a day that has been kind of crap.

Sorry to hear that 😕 Did the anxiety lay all day?

[Rosetta]

Oops, sorry, Dave.  Hugs. - Rosetts

[DaveB]

1 hour ago, wildchild93 said:

Sorry to hear that 😕 Did the anxiety lay all day?

 

50 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

Oops, sorry, Dave.  Hugs. - Rosetts

 

Yeah it has been pretty constant today, not sure why. Hope tomorrow is better.

[Dalalea]

On 5/9/2018 at 6:51 PM, DaveB said:

So I guess my update is that I am doing MUCH better and hoping it continues.

Great news!

[DaveB]

What do you guys think about the multivitamin I take. Would it be worth it to stop it to see if maybe it is contributing to my anxiety, or should I stay stable on it as well? I would love some advice on this, I think it may be causing some anxiety, seems a few hours after I take fish oil, magnesium, and the multivitamin I get a pretty good bout of anxiety. Also I had a great day when I forgot to take vitamins and fish oil, but could very much have just been a coincidence.