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Elyssa143

Elyssa143: Zoloft to Zyprexa

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Elyssa143

@RusTW funny you say that! When I got off the zoloft I had no appetite no sleep lost 20lbs whrn they put me on the zyprexa I ate everything it tasted so much better and I slept 12 hours a day. I couldnt think at all!!! It was very distressing and disturbing. I also became insulin resistant within 10days abd my testosterone was very elevated!!!!! It definitely messes with your hormones! I'm waiting for my results now to see if things have changed since I've been off. I literally felt like I was being mind raped being on the zyprexa it was horrible. Absolutely horrible 

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RusTW
Just now, Elyssa143 said:

@RusTW thanj uou for pointing that out it's hard to see the positive sometimes. Atleast your tapering the right way thank god so hopefully youll be ok when you come off!!!

 

I cold turkey and reinstated twice though. Hopefully this last bit of tapering will minimize the withdrawals but if not I'm already prepared. I'm not expecting my tapering to be easy either I'm expecting more withdrawal symptoms. It sounds like you're doing everything you can. I'm healing I can feel it. I'm thinking now that I was more screwed up while I was taking the medications than I am now. the only thing I didn't have back then was withdraw symptoms. Now at the lower dosages I'm getting more clarity than I've had in years and that should just keep getting better. Even though it's hard I'm liking the me that I'm becoming now better than the me that I was.

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RusTW
9 minutes ago, Elyssa143 said:

@RusTW funny you say that! When I got off the zoloft I had no appetite no sleep lost 20lbs whrn they put me on the zyprexa I ate everything it tasted so much better and I slept 12 hours a day. I couldnt think at all!!! It was very distressing and disturbing. I also became insulin resistant within 10days abd my testosterone was very elevated!!!!! It definitely messes with your hormones! I'm waiting for my results now to see if things have changed since I've been off. I literally felt like I was being mind raped being on the zyprexa it was horrible. Absolutely horrible 

 I have the same thing to now with the Zoloft it amps me up and kills my appetite I'm alright with that though I've lost about 24 lb of that extra 30 so I've improved quite a bit physically. I agree with you about the food tasting better everything was so good and sleeping with so easy. Stay on top of the hormone testing all these psych meds mess you up like that. If they're out of balance they can feel like withdrawal symptoms too

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RusTW

I'm really curious how many people got on antidepressants or psych meds and just had a hormone imbalance and then these drugs just made that worse.

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Elyssa143

@RusTW I'm on naturthroid low dose because my thyroid was out of whack and my progesterone is extremely low and I tried taking the progesterone but it made me extremely emotional so I decided to stop taking everything except my thyroid stuff. I'm truly hoping I continue to move forward and not get worse. I'm glad your getting some clarity as you lower the dose of your meds I'm hoping things continue to get better for u! Reinstating was the biggest mistake I made. It's also hard not to be so hard on myself because I went through this with benzos 9 years ago. I thought it was postpartum so I never had another kid so I wouldnt go through this again and here I am going through it again :(. I worry constantly that I wont nake it through this. :(

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Elyssa143

@RusTW that's exactly what happens. And the meds lower and screw up everything. My iron vitamin d anx b12 are low so is my thyroid. I cant help but imagine where I would be had the dr checked those and treated it where I'd be now :(

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RusTW
4 minutes ago, Elyssa143 said:

@RusTW I'm on naturthroid low dose because my thyroid was out of whack and my progesterone is extremely low and I tried taking the progesterone but it made me extremely emotional so I decided to stop taking everything except my thyroid stuff. I'm truly hoping I continue to move forward and not get worse. I'm glad your getting some clarity as you lower the dose of your meds I'm hoping things continue to get better for u! Reinstating was the biggest mistake I made. It's also hard not to be so hard on myself because I went through this with benzos 9 years ago. I thought it was postpartum so I never had another kid so I wouldnt go through this again and here I am going through it again :(. I worry constantly that I wont nake it through this. :(

When did they check your hormones last.Did you CT the progesterone.if so how long were u on it and how long ago did u ct.you can withdrawal from hormones too.I've taken testosterone for. Many years.I still take in now in w/d.I'm not sure how its affecting the w/d .I have low t so I need it.if you don't produce it you run into symptoms just as bad.

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RusTW

Do you think the psych. Ward thing gave you ptsd.Its more amplified because of the w/d.When I went there I got even more scared. I told myself I'm never coming back and I won't no matter what. I still hold to that.

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RusTW

Are you doing anything today

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Elyssa143

@RusTW I think I took it two months but only 14 days out of the month and quit. The pysch ward definitely has given me ptsd. I was so scared there and have tons of flashbacks :( I will never ever go back. Not even if I'm suicidal. Not doing anything today. I'm glad to just be coping I have that icky feeling in chest and intrusive thoughts. This whole thing is so terrifying. I just want it to end. 

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RusTW

Those places are like haunted houses I stay the hell away from them. Just remember the intrusive thoughts aren't real. I'm out walking now a little bit earlier when I started the ground was breathing. I could have tripped out about that but I just moved on and it faded. I've had this weird thing with my stomach over the last few days where it gets all bloated and gassy then Fades out in the afternoon. It's strange because normally I'm feeling nausea during that time so hopefully my gut is healing and the nausea is going away. The nausea has been the worst symptom for me so far.I'm amazed that I was able to work.It was sooo bad in the beginning.much better now.Have a good day.You are healing☺ believe

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RusTW

 I I forgot to mention you're young so you have youth on your side some of us don't.

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Elyssa143

@RusTW omg they are so scary. I have severe flashbacks. I was terrified. I thought they could help me. I remember asking about the actual crazy people asking the people who worked there how they ended up like that they kept telling me from street drugs. I believed them, that's a lie. It's from all the damn pysch meds. They are ruining peoples lives!!! To think I could have ended up like that, too loose my mind forever and my family because of some dr!!!! Yes I'm hoping my youth is on my side. I just have to make it through this. My biggest fear is suicide I cant gwt that out of my mind :(

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RusTW

 it's definitely a one-of-a-kind experience. One good thing is you know what you're not going to do is go back there. I remember being terrified that I was never going to get out and those doctors were watching me trying to make sure I didn't. I was in bad shape though I was hallucinating visually and auditory- emotions were totally out of control all day long .I had DP -DR -and SI.I have to hide it while in there to get out. If we made it through that we sure as hell can make it through this. Now we have coping skills that we've built. Thank God that was over 20 years ago I still remember it like yesterday. I have one good question to ask you . do you feel empathy when you look at other people can you look at them and feel or try to feel what they feel.

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RusTW
50 minutes ago, RusTW said:

 it's definitely a one-of-a-kind experience. One good thing is you know what you're not going to do is go back there. I remember being terrified that I was never going to get out and those doctors were watching me trying to make sure I didn't. I was in bad shape though I was hallucinating visually and auditory- emotions were totally out of control all day long .I had DP -DR -and SI.I have to hide it while in there to get out. If we made it through that we sure as hell can make it through this. Now we have coping skills that we've built. Thank God that was over 20 years ago I still remember it like yesterday. I have one good question to ask you . do you feel empathy when you look at other people can you look at them and feel or try to feel what they feel. I'm asking because of the last two or three days I felt that empathy come back in a deeper sense of the meaning. I was numbed out while I was on the meds

 

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Elyssa143

@RusTW so glad that was 20 years ago for u!!! I've been through withdrawl before but this is a whole different ball game. The depression and SI is torturing. Yes I've always felt for other people I'm very empathetic. I feel for everyone :( I hurt for other people too. Why do u ask?

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RusTW

I'm asking because over the past year year-and-a-half it feels like I've lost touch of the empathy actually sitting there and feeling -absorbing thinking -listening and understanding. In the last few days I've really been feeling a lot of empathy towards people and animals. I've always had a good sense of empathy also but it seems like being on the medications it numbed it out. The strange thing is I didn't realize it until yesterday At a deeper level how much it disintegrated

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Elyssa143

@RusTW that's an awesome observation and I'm glad you were able to notice that. It's a wonderful trait. I'm having really bad aching muscles that I feel like need to be stretched. I'm hoping this isnt Akathisia. Hows ur day been 

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RusTW

Its like my brain is waking up from a dark nightmare .A very gradual awakening with some good surprises.Try to stretch every day morning and before bed.Stimulates the nerves and muscles and detoxifies.my day is good so far.little anxious with a blah stomach bubbles.Thinking is clear no OCD.Sweating again from the zoloft.At work now.how are you now.

 

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Elyssa143

@RusTW how are u todsy? Got my labs back. My testosterone and insulin seem to be in range, I consult with my dr on tuesday. But that has to be better than when they were both high!!! He told me I had pcos, when in fact it was probably just the zoloft or zyprexa!!!!! My FSH and LH is low but I dont know if it's an accurate interpretation as I didnt test on a certain day of my cycle. I'm also glad my fasting glucose has gone! Today I'm up doing more than I did yesterday morning so I'm hoping the day continues to go well. Yesterday wasnt great. But I guess my waves arent aa deep as in the beginning. Hope your having a good day

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RusTW
3 hours ago, Elyssa143 said:

@RusTW how are u todsy? Got my labs back. My testosterone and insulin seem to be in range, I consult with my dr on tuesday. But that has to be better than when they were both high!!! He told me I had pcos, when in fact it was probably just the zoloft or zyprexa!!!!! My FSH and LH is low but I dont know if it's an accurate interpretation as I didnt test on a certain day of my cycle. I'm also glad my fasting glucose has gone! Today I'm up doing more than I did yesterday morning so I'm hoping the day continues to go well. Yesterday wasnt great. But I guess my waves arent aa deep as in the beginning. Hope your having a good day

That's good news.You are ahead in the game by knowing this.Now you know that's not affecting your mood. I'm sure it was a medications that affected it That's good your moving around.lol I just got up .wasn't sleeping though.I'm starting to feel more tired.I think the anxiety is going down now.I'm doing better though.Very little nausea over the last 5 days.

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Elyssa143

@RusTW ifs hard to see the good in that in a wave I guess. I literally felt normal days ago I was thinking of the future and everything and then this. It's so hard to remember the good in a wave. I just want my life back. Somethings have improved so I think that's healing. I just wish the depression would leave. Glad your feeling better. 

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RusTW

 that's the hard part about this is when the waves come back. My windows and waves were fluctuating quite a bit prior to this window. It was hitting me off and on every day and I remember there were a few times where I was thinking that it was just getting worse and then when I got this window I had way more clarity than I did before in the last window. As far as the depression goes what works for me is my routine taking care of responsibilities so you feel the accomplishment right now it's 80s music and YouTube videos and taking care of some of the things that I normally wouldn't be taken care of like fixing my boat for this year's fishing season in the winter. I neglected so many things over the past year-and-a-half it's going to take me awhile to catch up but when I do I will have those accomplishments waiting for me when I'm Healed. So in essence I'm preparing for my recovery expecting it nothing less than that.

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Elyssa143

@RusTW that I definitely understand but this is a chemical depression and I dont feel any different if I do anything I literally have no control over this depression and that's what makes it absolutely horrible :( imI'm almost considering trying something natural? But I dk id I should? Glad your feeling better and getting things done. I definitely understand the feeling your talking about I've had that depression and feel better when I get things done. 

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RusTW

Elyssa143     I know the kind of depression you're talking about I had it most of last year on the meds. I've had some of it to recently. It feels like there's a Darkness around everything . things are very deep and sad. I'm just meaning to continue living so that when it does lift you'll notice when it's lifting and going away. I really felt deep into it last year when I gained all that extra weight stop working out stop living stopped all my hobbies I just laid around in bed and went to work and slept. I missed out on a lot of stuff. plus I have to catch up on everything I wasn't doing. Do you feel it all the time or does it come and go

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RusTW

 just try to remember everything that we do today will matter tomorrow whether it's something or nothing  we will know we made the effort .some days we can some days we can't. And sometimes nothing is something.Less is better.listen to your inner voice and body.You will be ok.

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RusTW

 how are you doing today?

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Rosetta

I'm sorry that you are feeling so bad today.  All you can do is hold on.  We are all here for you.  Don't forget that.  You are not alone.  We all understand, and you will get better.  - Rosetta

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Miracle123

Hi Elyssa, Thanks you to visited into my thread. You are smart enough to made a great decision to coming off of this devil pills.( at least you are very short term usage) i also consider fast taper or CT too. At the beginning withdrawals is really uncomfortable and living like a hell but you are tough enough to going through the process. Healing is on your way and you will get better and slighty improvement. 

Remember the pattern of window and waves will repeating keeping coming but the frequency and magnitute slowly getting lesser and lesser by time. Accaptance , patience and only time is a key of your sucessfull. Talk is really easy but you need strong abilities and mind to keep going without looking back . For me reinstated or taking of those devil pills is not good optional either.Trying to do your flavourite hobby or stuffs to keep distract from you to think of withdrawals. When your body already used to it or the withdrawal getting lesser you will discovered you slowly get back to yourself. Trying stay away from stressful and dark depression. Dont stay too long into darkness this could made you feel hopeless and not meaningful of living. Life is like that as a routine, we can choose to be more happily living because decision is taken control into our hand .......I feel your suffering and pain because im in the same boat as you are now. You are not alone. Hang in there. When you fully healing and looked back all the effort is really worth it. Eat healtly, stay away negative though and always exercise. Wishing you well. Take care and sending my warmest hugs to you.🤗

 

Best Wishes, 

Miracle

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Elyssa143

@RusTW  @Rosettatodsy has been absolutely horrible.  Pretty sure this wave is as bad as the worst one I've had. I woke up with severe depression, and lost control and got angry at everything I banged my head on the wall and threw stuff. I keep thinking of dying and how I'd be better off dead. I cant live like this. This is absolute torture. Then my kids had a party to go to and I couldnt keep it together and had to ask my aunt to give them a ride home and now I'm soaking in the bath with epsom salt. This is so inhumane. I'm so scared of suicide but my brain keeps telling me it's the only way out :(. This is not ok at all. I'm not ok either 

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RusTW

I Elyssa143 Sorry you are having bad waves They suck .Especially after you had a window. Our windows are blessings. My last stretch of waves were really bad too the worst also. Then the next window was better than the last window. It's going to come and go until it fades away. Like Rosetta said we're here for you just Reach Out.

 

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Elyssa143

@RusTW thanks. Hope your doing ok. Today has been hell literally I cant count how many times I told my fiance I wanted to die or I wanted to kill myself. And hed ask how and I said I didnt knoe because deep down I dont want to I just dont want to deal with this pain. I'm so scared the zyprexa is what's making this depression suicidal for me. I havent seen many in ad withdrawal who have suicidal depression:( 

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Rosetta

What's happening is "normal" or it was for me.  I never took an antipsychotic, but the high dose of Zoloft caused me a lot of problems.  That you have no plan makes a lot of sense to me.  You don't want to die; you want the suffering to stop.  There's a big difference.  If you can do something calming it might help.  Can you take a bath or listen to calming music?  Do you have Amazon Prime tv?  There is a quiet, relaxing kids' show called "Tumbleleaf."  I like it a lot, and it's not boring or too simplistic.  It's actually entertaining, but very calm and quiet.  Two other quiet ones are called "Puffin Rock," and "Sarah and Duck," and they are on Netflix.  

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RusTW

I had this problem SI. And depression last year.Having had it bad in my 20s I was able to deal with it and wasn't as scared.I didn't know it was called SI.It was scary.It will pass.It did for me.I kept it to myself which wasn't good.I realized we make the decisions as bad as the impulse gets. Yesterday I was reading the drug pamphlets for Seroquel and Zoloft and they both say they could cause this while you're taking them. You're off of them so you're a step ahead. Now it's your brain trying to relearn how to be without them and to function normally. Keep me updated on how you're doing I hope you start feeling better.yull get another window.Stay Strong.  Rus

 

 

 

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Elyssa143

@RusTW @Rosetta thank you guys very much. Today is tolerable. I have a ton of looping thoughts. I'm terrified absolutely terrified of making an irreversible decision in a bad time. How do Imake sure that never happens? How can I make sure I make it out of this alive? I'm very scared. I dont want to die. But during the bad times it seems reasonable although I've never tried and dont want to but during a wave is a whole other story. If that makes sense? Hope you both are doing ok. 

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jonnypeters1234567

that is my fear too Elyssa

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