Erell: struggling with paroxetine

[Erell]

Hello dear friends, 

 

Periods came yesterday so it could be that my hormones are playing tricks with me.

Whatever it is, I must confess that I'm feeling very sad today, hopeless and helpless. Can't stop crying without seeing a light. Lot of SI.

 

I know this too shall pass, but I'm exhausted. Its been a bumpy year. I don't see the end and don't know how to keep on hanging in.

 

Could use some support ❤

Edited July 19, 2020 by Erell

[ChessieCat]

We had a comedy show here in Australia in the 1980s (I think) called comedy company.  There was a character in it called Con the Fruiterer.  He was Italian and sold fruit and vegetables.  When someone picked up something which wasn't quite ripe he would say "coupla days, coupla days".

 

So Erell I say it to you:  "coupla days, coupla days" and I'm sure you will feel a bit better.

 

[Cigale]

Bonjour @Erell - Last night when I looked up at Jupiter I thought of you and the light and hope you have given me. You are courageous and strong and so very kind and supportive. I am holding you in my heart and sending you healing energy. 

[Hanna72]

Dear Erell, I am so very sorry to hear about your struggles. It crushes me to see how many of us suffer. I pray that you will get a relief soon. You have come so far, imagine that you only have a tiny Paxil in your system, and that is a victory in itself. You are strong and brave, and you will get through this.

Sending lots of hugs your way💖

[Frogie]

4 hours ago, Erell said:

Hello dear friends, 

 

Periods came yesterday so it could be that my hormones are playing tricks with me.

Whatever it is, I must confess that I'm feeling very sad today, hopeless and helpless. Can't stop crying without seeing a light. Lot of SI.

 

I know this too shall pass, but I'm exhausted. Its been a bumpy year. I don't see the end and don't know how to keep on hanging in.

 

Could use some support ❤

H Erell:

 

I too have these exact moments when I want to just give in.

 

But then I read my thread and how worse off I was before I started tapering. I tell myself, look how far I gotten, not how far I have to go.

 

Then it clicks that soon enough I’ll be human again. And this will just be a bad (and I mean bad) dream.
 

This is just a bump in the road. And it will smooth out soon.

 

Hang in there🤗🤗🤗

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

[Longroadhome]

@Erell

 

i think periods will definitely aggravate your situation so I’d give it a few days to settle regarding emotional symptoms. 
you’re on a journey thats taking you to peace and happiness . To get there you must navigate your way out of the WD maize.  It’s not easy and each of our journeys are unique. BUT the outcome is the same RECOVERY.
Even though your symptoms may be as bad as ever this is not unusual It’s a common theme . Symptoms mean the body is adjusting. And next week or even tomorrow those symptoms could disappear or decrease such is the nature of the beast. 
 So accept however you feel today and tomorrow and the next day knowing your time will come and the outcome will be  recovery.
 

stay strong

stay focused

and most importantly KEEP GOING xx  
 

[wantrelief]

Hello Erell - I am so sorry you are feeling this way.  I have experienced what you are describing with hormones so I do think that is definitely causing things to feel worse.  It can feel so uncontrollable and is really uncomfortable (an understatement!). You will get out of this wave when the hormones pass. In the meantime, just keep hanging on....we are all with you.  💗

 

[Dejavu]

Erell, I can relate so well to what you are saying. Just try and remember that your body is stabilizing and healing, and those thoughts are just that...thoughts. They are not facts. 

 

You have a lot of people on this site who care about you and understand what you're going through. Try to focus on why you're fighting this battle, and the wonderful life that awaits you on the other side of it. You'll get there!

[Erell]

Thank you, your support means a lot ❤

[mustafa]

Alot of hard times for all of us erell.

Not only u who suffer but alot of people  have stronger suffer than us.

When I feel very, very exhausted, I remember that a huge number of people.are suffering and for long times so, it is normal.and this is life.

I remember alot of times ( but I dont remember them.in details because Iam not fully recovered😂), alot of times that I told myself: that is the end of my ability to hang in and I cant do it any more but I did and passed.

The next window will make u forget and decide to hang in more until u reach to own a success story❤.

[sunnysideup69]

@Erell,

'This too shall pass.' This has been my mantra, although at times I didn't believe it, it's turned out to be true every time. 

It's devastating to feel awful after progress, but you are healing and things will settle again.

You've made enormous progress with coming off paxil. Once the storm settles, you will be able to see that more clearly. Sending you a great big hug xxx

[Frogie]

Hi:

 

 I just wanted to drop by and see how you’re doing?

 

 I hope you are feeling a little better 😊

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

[Erell]

2 hours ago, Frogie said:

I just wanted to drop by and see how you’re doing?

 

Thank you for asking, you're very nice.

 

Well, my days fluctuate between high anxiety/restlessness/brain fog/DR/deep sadness/SI. It's like a pingpong game without timeout.

Have a lot of crying spells throughout the day.

 

I do selfcare when I feel like I can : meditation, relaxation, gentle walks every morning, inspiring videos,...

 

I came back to my apartment : my parents are urging me to updose and talk about psych ward. I have to be my lawyer.

I would have liked a hug or a caress on my face.

I sound like a child but sometimes "all you need is love", you know.

 

I hang on to Altostrata's belief that my switch will work, and to all those ahead us living a healthy and drugfree life.

I also read Shep's journey : her strenght never cease to amaze me. 

 

Take care ❤

[Frogie]

It sounds like you have emotions. Which is good to have. Have a good cry, I do. I think it cleanses the soul.
 

I’m sorry to hear about your parents. But hopefully they will see that you are doing the right thing and they will eventually admire you for your efforts and making yourself a better person.

 

I know how you feel, “all you need is love”. And it will happen for you, as it will for all of us. One day.

 

Gentle walks and meditation are both really good. I should take my own advice.
 

Alto knows what she is talking about. It WILL happen for you.  Unfortunately, it just takes time.

 

Just take care of yourself and know you are doing what is best for you ❤️
 

You are a very kind person.
 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Erell]

37 minutes ago, Frogie said:

 Have a good cry, I do. I think it cleanses the soul.

I agree ! Even if crying spells can be tricky to handle (coming from nowhere, everywhere ) I also kind of appreciate it as good cry sometimes alleviates my anxiety levels ☺ 

I like the idea of a nice soul shower ! I like to tell myself that crying spells may be a sign of my soul cleaning from all these years with Paxil.

 

Thank you.

[Frogie]

7 minutes ago, Erell said:

I agree ! Even if crying spells can be tricky to handle (coming from nowhere, everywhere ) I also kind of appreciate it as good cry sometimes alleviates my anxiety levels ☺ 

I like the idea of a nice soul shower ! I like to tell myself that crying spells may be a sign of my soul cleaning from all these years with Paxil.

 

Thank you.

You’re welcome. Take care.

[brassmonkey]

((((((((((((((((((((MONKEY HUGS))))))))))))))))))))

[Rosetta]

Hang in there.  Please do not let your parents’ fear influence you.  I am sure they want the best for you, but they have no idea that psych wards and doctors are usually extremely harmful to people when it comes to psychoactive drugs.  I’m glad you are back at your apartment, and I’m sad that you can’t get support from your parents the way you need to.  

The emotions are really very difficult.  Now that they are so much more mild for me I can see so clearly that they were neuro-emotions, outsized (to say the least), and exaggerated in a way I would not have expected.  It’s disturbing to realize that you can’t trust your own emotions, but you can’t.  They are going to tell you everything is “more” than it is.  You have remind yourself of this.  

Psych drugs are so very harmful.  They often end up doing the opposite of what we hope they will do.  Doctors simply do not understand that once the dysautonomia begins, each drug is a poison.  Once you understand this fact, you are safer.  Now you have to find support in the people who also understand this.  
 

You are going to heal.  I know this because I am healing, but I’m so sorry you are going through this.  Just remember that you are not alone!

 

Rosetta

[Cigale]

Bonjour @Erell - I am sending you a huge warm hug from the south! Yesterday I read your entire story and left inspired by your courage, intelligence, wisdom and limitless kindness for others. Even while suffering and scared, you continued to reach out and support and comfort others. That takes some incredible inner strength and resilience, characteristics that will see you through this journey. I believe in you, as do so, so many here. I am so sorry you are going through this. But I know you are strong and you are healing.

 

PS J'essaie de d'améliorer mon français et j'aimerais bien si tu voudrais m'écrire en ta langue maternelle. Bisous!

[sunnysideup69]

I'm glad you came back to your apartment @Erell , it's so stressful trying to explain or be around people who don't understand psych drug WD and destabilisation.

One of my best friends said to me 'Well there's lots of antidepressants to try, you can just try another one,' as if they were smarties. ( Do you have Smarties in France? Little candy coated chocolate sweets.)

It is so very exhausting trying to advocate for yourself.

Lean in here, my lovely. Sending you support and love xxx

[Erell]

Sunny, Brassmonkey, Rosetta, Frogie and Cigale, 

I really do appreciate your nice words and hugs : sometimes all you need to keep going is some encouragements and support, and I've read many times your nice posts and it really helps me . Thank you ❤️ 

So grateful we have a place like SA ! 

 

I have issues to find more things to write, my internal computer is a bit foggy, just wanted to let you know how thankful I am and how helpful you are.

 

☀️

 

 @sunnysideup69 : yes we do have smarties in France ! 

I actually smiled reading you : your friend's advice is exactly the kind of suggestion I hear too  

With all the great advices those around us give us, we could write a book called "Best advices to get worse" 😅

(hmm do I sound a bit sullen ? 😇😈 )

 

[mustafa]

2 hours ago, Erell said:

So grateful we have a place like SA ! 

That's it erell.

We all have to thank @Altostrata and all the moderators.

For me, resorting to SA was a rescue from feeling like living alone on another planet.

I dont think I will stop saying thanks alto, just because saying thanks is not enough for who decided to help us gain our fantastic life back.

The information and support I got on SA was a reason for insiting to get out of the poisons and reach 15 months off the drug; without SA, I were to reinstate but god is very generous to us letting us know about SA.

[Altostrata]

Thank you, mustafa.

 

Erell, what changes in your symptom pattern have you seen since your last updose?

[sunnysideup69]

12 hours ago, Erell said:

 

With all the great advices those around us give us, we could write a book called "Best advices to get worse" 😅

(hmm do I sound a bit sullen ? 😇😈 )

 

 

LOL...yep. That would become a VERY LONG book.

[Erell]

 

Quote

Erell, what changes in your symptom pattern have you seen since your last updose?

 

@Altostrata : There a lot of fluctuations in my daily notes, I have issues to see a clear pattern.

 

Week before updose:

- hard cortisol rushes 

- strong agoraphobia

- high anxiety (but no extreme)

- sleep from midnight to 7am (which I know is good)

- 'depression' stays mild

- evenings tend to be calmer and easier

- DR and brain fog fluctuate. Pretty much disconnected.

 

Since the updose to 7.5mg :

- cortisol rushes still hard

- agoraphobia fluctuates and I'm able to go out a bit more.

- violent depression and crying spells +SI during periods. Since 2 days, I cry easily but way more calmer. Way less SI.

- still good sleep from midnight to 7am 

- I don't find evenings easier anymore

- Some burning skin (mild), contracted muscles, electricity (low). Feel tense and restless (mild). (Maybe after 1 week my CNS is registering the change).

Feel my brain 'working'. Tinnitus.

- DR and brain fog fluctuates. Pretty much disconnected.

- still high anxiety (however, since the upsode, the anxiety sometimes feels more 'physical' : like if anxiety was painfull + shortness of breath, like if my diaphragm was blocked and wouldnt allow me to take deep breath).

 

Note that my periods came from 18th July to 22 July : I think hormones make it difficult to interpret a possible symptoms evolution.

 

 

My assumption is that my best bet for now may be to hold steady and stop making changes for several weeks, probably months, and give a chance to my CNS to stabilise.

I'm not sure about my 0.06mg Paroxetine left : if it's best to hold it too or to try to end the crossover.

 

What do you think?

 

I'm a bit lost about the concept of finding the right Prozac dosage to substitute / and the idea of not making too much changes to stop destabilising the CNS.

 

I'm always very thankful for your point of view.

 

Take care ☀️

Edited July 23, 2020 by Erell

[christianjw12]

Hi Erell,

 

I am from France as well ! For your anxiety, maybe seeing a psychologist to learn CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) would help !

I used to have pure O OCD (trouble obsessionnel compulsif in French) and the anxiety was so high that I had insomnia for 5 straight days (0 minute slept for 5 days) in January 2020. As soon as I practiced CBT (particularly ACT Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), the anxiety came down to 0.

 

Christian

[Erell]

2 hours ago, christianjw12 said:

Hi Erell,

 

I am from France as well ! For your anxiety, maybe seeing a psychologist to learn CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) would help !

I used to have pure O OCD (trouble obsessionnel compulsif in French) and the anxiety was so high that I had insomnia for 5 straight days (0 minute slept for 5 days) in January 2020. As soon as I practiced CBT (particularly ACT Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), the anxiety came down to 0.

 

Christian

 Bonjour Christian !

Yes CBT  really is a good tip !
I discovered it during my Benzo taper, and it helped me tremendously. I don't think I would have been able to quit benzos without learning good tips to manage my 'natural' anxiety.

I still use it to deal with my current symptoms, but must confess that (in my case) Wd symptoms from AD are harder : the anxiety I experience since one year is new and feels more "chemical", "toxic".

Well, as everything, this too shall pass

 

Edited July 23, 2020 by Erell

[christianjw12]

It's surely hard. I have stopped Lexapro (10mg) (Seroplex in France) in April. I tappered too fast so I'm also experiencing withdrawal syndrom ! I am luckier I think, I haven't felt any anxiety since I stopped Lexapro or maybe I learned how to manage it well with ACT.

The major symptoms I have are brain fog 24/7 (almost impossible to focus, my mind is racing 24/7, always sending me souvenirs or repetitive thoughts even when I try to stay 100% focused like reading or socializing with people), nerve pain (but not too disabling) and also headache/tremors. I feel like my brain is moving inside my head, like it's trying to work to reset it. I used to feel so desperate but now I've told myself, again, like while I had OCD, just observe your intrusive and negative thoughts and defuse them. Keep doing what we are doing, we'll certainly heal !

 

Christian

[Altostrata]

9 hours ago, Erell said:

Since the updose to 7.5mg :

- cortisol rushes still hard

- agoraphobia fluctuates and I'm able to go out a bit more.

- violent depression and crying spells +SI during periods. Since 2 days, I cry easily but way more calmer. Way less SI.

- still good sleep from midnight to 7am 

- I don't find evenings easier anymore

- Some burning skin (mild), contracted muscles, electricity (low). Feel tense and restless (mild). (Maybe after 1 week my CNS is registering the change).

Feel my brain 'working'. Tinnitus.

- DR and brain fog fluctuates. Pretty much disconnected.

- still high anxiety (however, since the upsode, the anxiety sometimes feels more 'physical' : like if anxiety was painfull + shortness of breath, like if my diaphragm was blocked and wouldnt allow me to take deep breath).

 

Which of these is a new symptom or significant worsening of an old symptom?

 

What time of day do you take Prozac?

[Erell]

@Altostrata

 

(apologize for the lack of clarity in previous post)

 

1. I take Paroxetine at 7.30 am and Fluoxetine at  8 am

 

2. New symptoms :

. burninghead/burning skin (low or mild)

. feeling of electricity (mostly in my head (low or mild)

. Tinnitus (mild)

. the anxiety sometimes feels more 'physical' : like if anxiety was painfull + shortness of breath, like if my diaphragm was blocked and wouldnt allow me to take deep breath

 

--> I feel a bit more DR, but no significant worsening of old symptoms.

 

[Altostrata]

How about dropping the paroxetine?

[Erell]

1 minute ago, Altostrata said:

How about dropping the paroxetine?

Ah ! Exactly the question I keep asking myself past few days

 

I think it could be a good thing to take only Fluoxetine and stop Paroxetine.

But also afraid of feeling worse with more changes.

 

How would you drop Paroxetine ?

Get off 0.06mg or taper slowly to 0.05mg, then 0.04mg, ... ?

[Altostrata]

You can halve it if it makes you feel more secure about going off.

[Erell]

15 hours ago, Altostrata said:

You can halve it if it makes you feel more secure about going off.

 

Took 0.03mg Paroxetine this morning.

 

Thank you for sharing your knowledge ❤

[Dejavu]

I am wishing you well @Erell. Please let us know how it goes.

[Mimi79]

On 7/22/2020 at 1:14 PM, Erell said:

So grateful we have a place like SA ! 

Tu as tellement raison, ma chère Erell! Je ne sais pas ce que j’aurais fait sans SA! 
 

I give you big hugs, from Quebec. I’m so sorry to see that you are struggling a lot. I can relate, because each time I have my periods, it comes with a wave. Always. Sometime, this

« hormonal » wave stay few days, sometime few weeks. But almost all my waves are starting during this time of the month. So frustrating!

 

Take care of you!

 

Mimi79