Moderator Onmyway Posted December 23, 2022 Moderator Share Posted December 23, 2022 Dear @arbor, I have been thinking of you lately and hoping that you are doing well. I am hoping that you are able to engage more in the real world than here (though I love your presence here as well) and your window is holding. May you enjoy whichever holidays you celebrate (if you do any) or enjoy the coming of the new year with all its hopes OMW "Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. Aug 2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used) Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up) September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0 Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering) citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg, 7/27/19 -1.5 mg, 8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus arbor Posted December 23, 2022 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 23, 2022 It's wonderful to hear from you @Onmyway. I've been thinking about you as well and hope you are doing alright following your last taper. Although I sense improvement, the window gave way to milder waves and windows. The pattern is both shorter and faster, but I can work with the intensity somewhat better, even being able on occasion to bring myself out of a wave with such skills as the ones recommended on the site. An example of the difference for me between last year and this is in how music affects me. My family has a tradition of listening to certain music during the Holiday Season here. Last year I couldn't listen at all. It was too overwhelming. This year I enjoyed it all the way through, even though I was often in tears--not of nostalgia or joy or other nameable emotions, just certain notes would feel strangely piercing, pleasurable, but exhausting. I believe I'm going in the right direction, but there's been a toll on my short term memory. I can be relied on to remember what I've done. I avoid being social if I'm tired as I'm easily reactive. It's of a piece with a very deep cynicism--which I have yet to turn to acceptance. I think about our poor brains struggling to regain some kind of equalibrium. To that end, I still feel that walking every day helps me--(along with other suggestions made here.) Today I'll be tackling the snow and ice. The workout will be in staying upright! Warm holiday greetings to you Omw. I wish I could hug you in person ❄️🎵🙏 Arbor 4 Zoloft: 1995 - 2015 Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on December 15, 2018 Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019 (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019 Enalapril: 2010 - 2019 Lipitor: 2017 -2017 Metformin: 2000 - 2020 Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019 Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022 Link to comment
Moderator DataGuy Posted January 5, 2023 Moderator Share Posted January 5, 2023 Dear @arbor, So glad you are feeling a bit better. It's very tough living the wd life. Monotonous and frustrating, not to mention lonely. So when you notice some improvement in symptoms, it's a huge lift. I hope you took full advantage : ) Things are returning closer to normal around here, with most people accepting that covid isn't going anywhere and getting on with their lives anyway. I'll be happy when there are more opportunities to meet in person. I'm lucky I am able to work a few days per week, although it is definitely a mixed blessing. Very stressful some days on little sleep. I hope your upward arc continues. So glad you are able to walk every day and your weight has improved. I think I can identify with the memory problems. Sometimes I really feel like even though I'm improving, my brain is stalling out. Hope 2023 is more kind to our brains that 2022 : ) 1 Remeron - 2004-2005 (bad withdrawal) Clonazepam - 2005-2018 (jumped around March) Olanzapine - 2014- late 2017 Domperidone - 2008-2018 Many drugs in between including Lexapro, other benzos and z-drugs. Still suffering post-withdrawal from Clonazepam (Klonopin), Olanzapine and Domperidone. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus arbor Posted January 6, 2023 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 6, 2023 Thank you @DataGuyfor dropping by. Thank you also for the update on how you're doing. 21 hours ago, DataGuy said: Hope 2023 is more kind to our brains that 2022 : ) Yes, yes! 21 hours ago, DataGuy said: Very stressful some days on little sleep. It becomes a dispiriting cycle: stress...insomnia...more stress...etc. I'm impressed that you can be working as much as you are. 21 hours ago, DataGuy said: It's very tough living the wd life. Monotonous and frustrating, not to mention lonely. I appreciate your saying so. Recently someone chided me for not participating in social activities more. For me, dealing with people who don't understand w/d is harder even than the loneliness--which I've accustomed myself to over 4 years to such an extent that I wonder if I'll ever find or choose a way back into the old world of interacting. I may sound pessimistic, but in fact, I'm still feeling optimistic that my health is improving. I have difficulty swallowing only occasionally when stressed these days. The numbness in my left leg and foot is not as pronounced. Usually I get 6 to 7 hours of broken sleep. The strange rashes have improved. I write these in case anyone else is experiencing them and could benefit from reading of progress. What I appreciate most is that I can divert my thoughts from the despair and hopelessness better. To get well, I'm having to simply plug along and, as you point out, monotony is a big part of it. The financial consequence is more than I can wrestle with yet. Your strength and perseverence helps me find some in myself, DG. Warmest wishes, Arbor 4 Zoloft: 1995 - 2015 Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on December 15, 2018 Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019 (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019 Enalapril: 2010 - 2019 Lipitor: 2017 -2017 Metformin: 2000 - 2020 Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019 Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022 Link to comment
BrokenWings Posted January 6, 2023 Share Posted January 6, 2023 @arbor 16 minutes ago, arbor said: Recently someone chided me for not participating in social activities more. For me, dealing with people who don't understand w/d is harder even than the loneliness--which I've accustomed myself to over 4 years to such an extent that I wonder if I'll ever find or choose a way back into the old world of interacting. This recently happened to me as well and I feel the exact same way. 2 BrokenWings: Introduction Zoloft (Sertraline) 50 mg to 150 mg Start Date: 2/1/2000 End Date: 1/26/2018 Quit cold turkey, Quit multiple times using recommended tapering from a psychiatrist over 2 weeks, Quit using rapid taper over about 1 year 150mg to 100mg to 75mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0mg. Klonopin (Clonazepam) 0.5 mg as needed Start Date: 2/1/2000 End Date: 3/1/2000 Quit cold turkey after one month. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus arbor Posted January 8, 2023 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 8, 2023 Thank you @BrokenWings🕊️ Zoloft: 1995 - 2015 Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on December 15, 2018 Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019 (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019 Enalapril: 2010 - 2019 Lipitor: 2017 -2017 Metformin: 2000 - 2020 Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019 Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022 Link to comment
Mentor Hanna72 Posted January 12, 2023 Mentor Share Posted January 12, 2023 Dear lovely @arbor Wanted to drop by and thank you for your support. I am sorry that you are still struggling with withdrawals symptoms. How ever I know you will come out of this on top. You deserve all the great things in life. You are already such a strong person and your resilience is amazing. Never doubt your strength. Even though you feel you are not were you want to be, I have no doubt you will get there. And you are not alone, we are all finding our way in here with obstacles shooting at us from all directions. I believe it is, and will be worth it. I am always rooting for you💕 2 1999-2020 20 mg Paxil Bridged with Fluoxetine to help me get off Paxil. 2022 Fluoxetine 15 mg 12/12 14mg 27/12 13mg jan 12mg feb 11mg mars 10mg, 9 mg 8,5 mg 7.6mg 7.0 mg 6,3 mg 5,6 mg 5,0 mg 4,5 mg 4,0 mg 3.6mg 3,2 mg 2,9 mg 2,6 mg 2,3 mg 2,0 mg 1.8 mg I am not a medical professional nor is this a medical advice. I only talk from my own experience. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus arbor Posted January 13, 2023 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 13, 2023 Such a heartwarming message @Hanna72 I am truly grateful. Certainly some days are easier than others to believe in our strength. Yesterday I had a milestone improvement. For the first time since CT I had a straight-through sleep of 7 hours, no wake-ups. By now I knew that I shouldn't expect to be able to maintain this. Sure enough, last night was a night of fractured sleep and wake-ups. The herky-jerky of recovery continues for me. How much harder it would be to maintain belief if I didn't have the company and support of you and this site. Sending you warm wishes and admiration of your courage, gratitude for your kindness. Arbor💜 5 Zoloft: 1995 - 2015 Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on December 15, 2018 Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019 (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019 Enalapril: 2010 - 2019 Lipitor: 2017 -2017 Metformin: 2000 - 2020 Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019 Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022 Link to comment
Moderator Onmyway Posted January 14, 2023 Moderator Share Posted January 14, 2023 @arbor, that is such good news! I am so happy to see the improvements you are seeing, albeit very gradual. Cheering you from the sidelines! Isn't it amazing how much reassurance even the flimsiest of windows can provide and renewed hope for the great stuff that is to come! Big hugs, OMW PS. Every time I heard Christmas music this season I thought of you and how you were able to enjoy it this year! You are warming my heart! 1 "Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. Aug 2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used) Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up) September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0 Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering) citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg, 7/27/19 -1.5 mg, 8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus arbor Posted January 17, 2023 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 17, 2023 Dear wonderful @Onmyway. Thank you for your encouraging message. And for sharing with me this outrageous journey. I hope all is going well for you with both your cut in December and any new job changes. Big hug, Arbor 🕊️💜🕊️ Zoloft: 1995 - 2015 Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on December 15, 2018 Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019 (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019 Enalapril: 2010 - 2019 Lipitor: 2017 -2017 Metformin: 2000 - 2020 Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019 Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022 Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus arbor Posted February 24, 2023 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 24, 2023 I want to share with you that my recovery continues to get better. My instinct is to hold this awareness quietly for awhile longer. However, the need for encouragement as we endure w/d is understandably strong. Therefore I want to write this as an encouragement to everyone in this process to be patient. For some of us unfortunately recovery can take a long time. That's a daunting thing to hear at first, but as we get deeper into the process, I think it can be useful to know that the time this is taking us or the unimaginable severity of our symptoms have nothing to do, in my experience, with our likelihood of recovery. I haven't always wanted to reveal here how harrowing my depressions have been, or the distraction and exhaustion of continuous SI, as I haven't wanted to depress others. Old traumas have plagued my thoughts. I mention such symptoms now because my improvements are building on themselves and I believe the same will happen for all of us given time. Though it's too early to say I've fully recovered from AD w/d, friends comment that I laugh more, am less irritable, angry and miserable. (I don't have to link the Pharmaceutical industry to psychopathy in every conversation....) My memory is improving. My sleep is better. Please do whatever you can to endure. I'm close to 51 months since CT. Please take heart that things can--will--get better. I encourage all of us to keep going--moment by moment--whatever it takes. We will get better. Please know you are in my thoughts💜 Warm wishes and hugs, Arbor 9 Zoloft: 1995 - 2015 Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on December 15, 2018 Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019 (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019 Enalapril: 2010 - 2019 Lipitor: 2017 -2017 Metformin: 2000 - 2020 Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019 Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022 Link to comment
HealthHopeHappiness Posted February 24, 2023 Share Posted February 24, 2023 2 minutes ago, arbor said: I want to share with you that my recovery continues to get better. My instinct is to hold this awareness quietly for awhile longer. However, the need for encouragement as we endure w/d is understandably strong. Therefore I want to write this as an encouragement to everyone in this process to be patient. For some of us unfortunately recovery can take a long time. That's a daunting thing to hear at first, but as we get deeper into the process, I think it can be useful to know that the time this is taking us or the unimaginable severity of our symptoms have nothing to do, in my experience, with our likelihood of recovery. I haven't always wanted to reveal here how harrowing my depressions have been, or the distraction and exhaustion of continuous SI, as I haven't wanted to depress others. Old traumas have plagued my thoughts. I mention such symptoms now because my improvements are building on themselves and I believe the same will happen for all of us given time. Though it's too early to say I've fully recovered from AD w/d, friends comment that I laugh more, am less irritable, angry and miserable. (I don't have to link the Pharmaceutical industry to psychopathy in every conversation....) My memory is improving. My sleep is better. Please do whatever you can to endure. I'm close to 51 months since CT. Please take heart that things can--will--get better. I encourage all of us to keep going--moment by moment--whatever it takes. We will get better. Please know you are in my thoughts💜 Warm wishes and hugs, Arbor I am so pleased to read this update from you @arbor. 💞 1 Mid-August 2020 - started 15mg Mirtazapine, increased to 30mg 2 weeks later. Late-September 2020 - switched to 20mg Paroxetine as Mirtazapine exacerbated RLS. October 2020 - stopped Paroxetine because of worsening RLS, muscle twitching and general restlessness. Mid-October 2020 - Switched to 50mg Sertraline. Restlessness, muscle twitching and other symptoms even worse. Stopped taking it on 18 November following advice from GP - took every other day for a week before stopping completely. Mid-November 2020 - GP prescribed Propranolol to take as and when required for anxiety. Have only taken a few times as it makes me very light headed. January 2020 - currently taking magnesium citrate powder in evenings to help with RLS. Also taking high strength omega-3 fish oil. Link to comment
GGGG Posted February 24, 2023 Share Posted February 24, 2023 17 minutes ago, arbor said: I want to share with you that my recovery continues to get better. My instinct is to hold this awareness quietly for awhile longer. However, the need for encouragement as we endure w/d is understandably strong. Therefore I want to write this as an encouragement to everyone in this process to be patient. For some of us unfortunately recovery can take a long time. That's a daunting thing to hear at first, but as we get deeper into the process, I think it can be useful to know that the time this is taking us or the unimaginable severity of our symptoms have nothing to do, in my experience, with our likelihood of recovery. I haven't always wanted to reveal here how harrowing my depressions have been, or the distraction and exhaustion of continuous SI, as I haven't wanted to depress others. Old traumas have plagued my thoughts. I mention such symptoms now because my improvements are building on themselves and I believe the same will happen for all of us given time. Though it's too early to say I've fully recovered from AD w/d, friends comment that I laugh more, am less irritable, angry and miserable. (I don't have to link the Pharmaceutical industry to psychopathy in every conversation....) My memory is improving. My sleep is better. Please do whatever you can to endure. I'm close to 51 months since CT. Please take heart that things can--will--get better. I encourage all of us to keep going--moment by moment--whatever it takes. We will get better. Please know you are in my thoughts💜 Warm wishes and hugs, Arbor You ct after 15 years? Year 2010 to 2020 remeron, Buspar, atenelol, Ativan as needed (once a week) remeron stopped working (pooped out) oct 2020 started amitryptyline took it 3 months Dec started wellbutrin, Stopped it 3 months later Started Paxil again for 3 months took vibryd for 1 month, Stopped it in 5 days Started sam e 100mgs 3x a day, Tyrosine 1000mgs 3 x a dayfor 6 months August 2020 - Off all antidepressants 16 th of Feb, 2023 started taperingsam e the 100mg 2 x a day of sam e. I stopped taking the afternoon one. And started every other day then every r day. Link to comment
BrokenWings Posted February 25, 2023 Share Posted February 25, 2023 3 hours ago, arbor said: I want to share with you that my recovery continues to get better. My instinct is to hold this awareness quietly for awhile longer. However, the need for encouragement as we endure w/d is understandably strong. Therefore I want to write this as an encouragement to everyone in this process to be patient. For some of us unfortunately recovery can take a long time. That's a daunting thing to hear at first, but as we get deeper into the process, I think it can be useful to know that the time this is taking us or the unimaginable severity of our symptoms have nothing to do, in my experience, with our likelihood of recovery. I haven't always wanted to reveal here how harrowing my depressions have been, or the distraction and exhaustion of continuous SI, as I haven't wanted to depress others. Old traumas have plagued my thoughts. I mention such symptoms now because my improvements are building on themselves and I believe the same will happen for all of us given time. Though it's too early to say I've fully recovered from AD w/d, friends comment that I laugh more, am less irritable, angry and miserable. (I don't have to link the Pharmaceutical industry to psychopathy in every conversation....) My memory is improving. My sleep is better. Please do whatever you can to endure. I'm close to 51 months since CT. Please take heart that things can--will--get better. I encourage all of us to keep going--moment by moment--whatever it takes. We will get better. @arbor I am so delighted to hear this. You have brightened my day with this news. I am so happy for you. 1 BrokenWings: Introduction Zoloft (Sertraline) 50 mg to 150 mg Start Date: 2/1/2000 End Date: 1/26/2018 Quit cold turkey, Quit multiple times using recommended tapering from a psychiatrist over 2 weeks, Quit using rapid taper over about 1 year 150mg to 100mg to 75mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0mg. Klonopin (Clonazepam) 0.5 mg as needed Start Date: 2/1/2000 End Date: 3/1/2000 Quit cold turkey after one month. Link to comment
Healingcontinues Posted February 25, 2023 Share Posted February 25, 2023 Bless you @arbor❤️ what a wonderful update to read. Your resilience is inspirational thank you for sharing. I am so happy that things have improved and you are feeling that things are getting better. What a victory. Big hugs to you ☀️ 1 Drug history: zoloft 2015-May 2021 max dose 200mg (3 month fast taper) lexapro 5mg August 2021-September 2021 (adverse reaction, CT) amitriptyline and tempazepam- September 2021 (1 week because of severe insomnia. Did not help. CT) 2018-September 2021 Intermittent use of benzodiazepines (mainly oxazepam, do not know exact dates approx 1-2 per week, although many months without any in between) Link to comment
Mentor Hanna72 Posted February 25, 2023 Mentor Share Posted February 25, 2023 Wow @arbor What a beautiful inspiring post. It’s so true what is said about how bad and difficult things that happen to us will most often steer us to the most beautiful destinations. You are that example ! You just made my day, thank you💕 1 1999-2020 20 mg Paxil Bridged with Fluoxetine to help me get off Paxil. 2022 Fluoxetine 15 mg 12/12 14mg 27/12 13mg jan 12mg feb 11mg mars 10mg, 9 mg 8,5 mg 7.6mg 7.0 mg 6,3 mg 5,6 mg 5,0 mg 4,5 mg 4,0 mg 3.6mg 3,2 mg 2,9 mg 2,6 mg 2,3 mg 2,0 mg 1.8 mg I am not a medical professional nor is this a medical advice. I only talk from my own experience. Link to comment
Sottana Posted February 25, 2023 Share Posted February 25, 2023 Thanks for this, Arbor. Having a really tough time and really needed this 1 2008: start Lexapro 10 mg which is quickly upped to 20 mg. 2008:2013 try at least four individual times to get off Lexapro, never get lower than 5mg, settle at 15 mg. 2015: again, attempt to get off Lexapro and get to 5 mg. After 6 months, feel i'm stabilizing but go back on a higher dose because of one stressful event. 2016: go to 20 mg from 15 mg due to work stresses, hit severe tolerance for the first time and become very suicidal. 2016-2017: try viibryd and cymbata in an attempt to feel better. Also add Lamictal 150 at some point. 2017: eventually land on paxil 37.5 and Lamictal 150. January 2018: cut paxil to 25. April-July 2018: reduce Lamictal in 50 mg increments till im off August. 2018: reduce paxil to 20 mg. december 2018: dropped Paxil to 18 mg, SEVERE CRASH. March updosed to 20 mg April 11: dropped to 19.4 mg due to akathsia (still experiencing akathsia symptoms from updose) April 20: 19 mg Paxil May 4: 18.7 Paxil July 5: 18.2 July 12: 17.8 Aug 19: 17.5 Aug 26: 17.3 Oct 20: 17.1 Nov 3: 16.9, 8/17/20: 16.6 after nine month hold, 8/24/20: 16.4, 8/31/20:16.2, 9/14/2020: 16.0, 9/21/20: 15.8, 9/28/20: 15.6, 10/19/20:15.4, 10/26/20: 15.2, 11/2/20: 15.1, 11/7/20: 14.8, 3/6/2-: 14.5, 3/20/20: 14.3, 4/3/20: 13.9, 4/10/2021: 13.7. 4/21/21: 13.5, 5/5/2021: 13.1, 12.2 8/12/2021 (slowly microtapered to this number. I just can’t remember the exact dates), 11.8 9/6/2021, 11.6 9/13/21, 11.2 9/27/21, 11.1 9/30/21.....11/5/21 switched to 10 mg tablet. I am holding to stabilize for the foreseeable future. 3/25/22: 9.4, 5/6/22: 9.0, 5/30/22: 8.25, 6/7/22: 8.1, 7/722: 7.65, 8/16/22: 7.39, 9/22/22: 6.91, 10/1/22: 6.78 Medication signature.docx Link to comment
Ninabird Posted March 7, 2023 Share Posted March 7, 2023 On 2/24/2023 at 12:40 PM, arbor said: I encourage all of us to keep going--moment by moment--whatever it takes. We will get better. This made my heart smile and gave me hope. Thank you for sharing and I am cheering for many, MANY more days of peace and positive healing. 2 PREVIOUS 2018 Ativan 1mg Oct-Jan (CT), 2019 Effexor 75mg, Klonopin .25mg, Trazadone 75mg, Bridge to Prozac (?dose), 2020 Taper off all, 2021 Zoloft (?dose), Jan-May (CT @ Hospital), Remeron (?dose) Trazadone 75mg, Propanolol (?dose), Klonopin .50mg, Buspar (?dose), 2021 Prozac (?dose), Trazadone 75mg, Klonopin 2 times a day, 2021 August fast taper Trazadone Prozac fast taper in August. August Lexapro 10mg 2022 January Lexapro to 25mg, February FT to 10mg Lexapro over 6 weeks, Klonopin .25mg 2 times a day, May Effexor 35mg, June bridge from Effexor to 30mg Cymbalta. Held on Lexapro until November. supplements 2023 Jan Probiotics stopped taking after two weeks ADR April 1k Iu Vitamin D W/ K stopped after a few days ADR. March 50mg Mag glycinate stopped after a week ADR January 2023 - added an additional .25 mg Klonopin (.25 mg three times a day) CURRENT 1/23-Present Klonopin .75mg divided into .25mg 3 times a day. 6:30am, 12:00pm, 6:30pm 1/23Present Lexapro .101 mgpw - 8.08 mgai 8:00am 1/23-Present Estradiol .50mg 8:00am 1/23-Present 30mg Cymbalta 12:30pm 6/23 to present Holding no changes 7/4 reduced Lexapro to 7.92mg 7/31 7.84mg 8/7 7.76mg 7/14 7.60mg 10/1 7.44mg 10/28 7.36mg 2/1 7.12mg 2/14 7.04mg 3/5/24 6.88mg 3/12 6.80mg Link to comment
Oaktree1 Posted March 11, 2023 Share Posted March 11, 2023 On 2/24/2023 at 8:40 PM, arbor said: I want to share with you that my recovery continues to get better. My instinct is to hold this awareness quietly for awhile longer. However, the need for encouragement as we endure w/d is understandably strong. Therefore I want to write this as an encouragement to everyone in this process to be patient. Hi Arbor, Just a quick note to say that I am relieved to hear that you appear to have rounded a real corner in your recovery and to thank you for your kindness in sharing it to encourage others. On 2/24/2023 at 8:40 PM, arbor said: I haven't always wanted to reveal here how harrowing my depressions have been, or the distraction and exhaustion of continuous SI, as I haven't wanted to depress others. Old traumas have plagued my thoughts. I mention such symptoms now because my improvements are building on themselves and I believe the same will happen for all of us given time. That is a great description of how bloody tiring and grueling the whole process is. I hope that your improvements continue and that the waves continue to lessen if they come. You had a tough old journey getting to this point - it's testament to sheer stoicism that you did. Oaktree1. 2 Currently tapering Mirtazapine; previously tapered Cymbalta 30mg from June 2018-Feb 2019 and Seroquel 150mg to zero from Oct-December 2020. Supplements for Hashimoto's disease and histamine issues relating to Mirtazapine: Vitamin D3 1,000mcg, bio-identical HRT, Selenium, Quercetin, Lutein, Zinc, Vitamin C, Omega 3. Mirtazapine Taper: 2021 16th Aug - transitioned to liquid from tablet by dissolving two 15mg tablets into a solution of 15 ml water and 15 ml maple syrup on a starting dose of what I thought was 7.5ml; 17 Sept - 7.31; 24 Sept - 7.13; 15 Oct - 6.95; 6 Nov - 6.78; 21 Nov - 6.61; 5 Dec - 6.51; 2022 - 1 Jan 6.41; 1 Feb - 6.1; 9 Mar - 5.8; 13 Mar - 5.9; 7 Apr - 5.8; 21 Apr - 5.7; 7 May - 5.63; 23 May - 5.55; 8 June 5.50; (got COVID on 12th June so held); 1 July 5.4; 15 July 5.32; 8 Aug 5.2; 15 Aug 5.1; 22 Aug 5; 19 Sept 4.9; 2 Oct 4.81; 13 Oct 4.71; (COVID Booster 17/10/22 so longer hold ); 1 Nov 4.65; 3 Nov 4.60; 10 Nov 4.55; 13 Nov 4.50; 17 Nov 4.45; 20 Nov 4.40; 2 Dec 4.30mg; 9 Dec 4.20mg; I discovered that the volumetric container measured 33ml rather than 30ml in Dec 2022. Following helpful advice from moderator OnMyWay (see her reply of the 5th March) discovered taper with the dilution was 3.8mg (calculated by dividing 30/33 so that every 1ml of solution has 0.90ml of Mirtazapine. 7.50 - 0.90= 6.6ml which was the starting dose on 16th Aug 2021 not 7.5ml). I decided to keep using the solution as I didn't want more change to deal with than I had to. 2023 17 Mar 4.1(3.7); 26 Mar 4.0(3.6); 14 Apr 3.9(3.51)28 Apr 3.8(3.42); 6 Jun 3.7(3.33); 19 Jun 3.6(3.24); 30 Jun 3.5(3.1); 19 Jul 3.4(3.06); 27 Jul 3.35 (3.01); 29 Jul 3.3 (2.97); 4 Aug 3.25 (2.92); 7 Aug 3.2 (2.88); 21 Aug 3.1 (2.79); 14.09 3 (2.7); 29th Sept 2.9(2.61); 15 Oct 2.8(2.52); 30 Oct 10 2.7(2.43); 13 Nov 2.65(2.38); 20 Nov 2.6(2.34); 26 Nov 2.55(2.29); 10 Dec 2.5(2.25); 2024 - 14 Jan 2.45(2.20); 22 Jan 2.40(2.16); 29 Jan 2.35(2.11); 2 Feb 2.3 (2.07);15 Feb 2.25(2.02); 22 Feb 2.21 (1.98); 29 Feb 2.17(1.95); 7 Mar 2.13(1.91); 21 Mar 2.05 (1.84); 31 Mar 2.01 (1.80); 14 Apr 1.90 (1.71); This is not 'medical advice' - my 'non medical advice' is don't get any more 'medical advice' or you may end up getting more 'medical treatment' i.e more drugs, DSM labels and/or ECT. Please do not PM me thanks. Link to comment
Chlo Posted March 12, 2023 Share Posted March 12, 2023 On 2/24/2023 at 2:40 PM, arbor said: I want to share with you that my recovery continues to get better. My instinct is to hold this awareness quietly for awhile longer. However, the need for encouragement as we endure w/d is understandably strong. Therefore I want to write this as an encouragement to everyone in this process to be patient. For some of us unfortunately recovery can take a long time. That's a daunting thing to hear at first, but as we get deeper into the process, I think it can be useful to know that the time this is taking us or the unimaginable severity of our symptoms have nothing to do, in my experience, with our likelihood of recovery. I haven't always wanted to reveal here how harrowing my depressions have been, or the distraction and exhaustion of continuous SI, as I haven't wanted to depress others. Old traumas have plagued my thoughts. I mention such symptoms now because my improvements are building on themselves and I believe the same will happen for all of us given time. Though it's too early to say I've fully recovered from AD w/d, friends comment that I laugh more, am less irritable, angry and miserable. (I don't have to link the Pharmaceutical industry to psychopathy in every conversation....) My memory is improving. My sleep is better. Please do whatever you can to endure. I'm close to 51 months since CT. Please take heart that things can--will--get better. I encourage all of us to keep going--moment by moment--whatever it takes. We will get better. Please know you are in my thoughts💜 Warm wishes and hugs, Arbor Thank you @arbor so much for your promising words. You give myself and so many others hope. Thank you for taking the time to care for others that are going through this and expressing your sincere thoughts and feelings. You will be in my thoughts and prayers as you continue on your journey of healing. BIG HUGS TO YOU, my friend ♥️ 1 Chlo❤ •Celexa 40mg 1999-2021•COVID August 2021•Celexa stopped working•Zoloft 100mg Sept21'-Oct21'•Zoloft did not work •Lexapro 10mg Oct21'-Nov21' •Lexapro did not work •Lexapro 5mg Nov21'-1/17/22 switched to Lexapro liquid form 5mg 1/18/22•4.75mg 1/19•4.5mg 1/25•4.25mg 2/1•4.0mg 2/8 •3.75mg 3/28•3.5mg 5/23 •3.25mg 5/30•3.0mg 6/19 •2.75mg 6/26•2.50mg 7/10•2.45mg 7/18•2.40mg 7/25•2.35mg 8/1•2.33mg 8/26•2.27mg 9/15•2.21mg 9/23•2.16mg 9/30•2.10mg 10/14•2.04mg 10/24•1.99mg 11/18•1.95mg 1/02/23•1.90mg 1/09•1.80mg 1/27•1.75mg 2/21•1.70mg 3/6•1.65mg3/14•1.60mg 4/07•1.52mg 4/30•1.48mg 5/07•1.40mg 6/08•1.36mg 6/17•1.32mg 6/27•1.28mg 7/17•1.20mg 8/18•1.15mg 9/13•1.12mg 10/15•1.06mg 1/20/24•1.02mg 2/16•1mg 2/27•.98mg 3/02•.96mg3/20•D3•C• •Magnesium Glycinate Zinc•Omega3•Probiotic •Mirtazapine 15mg I don't know much, but 3 things I do. There is a God. His word is true. Stay close to Him and He will bring you through. Amen🙏 Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus arbor Posted March 12, 2023 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 12, 2023 Dear @Oaktree1 Thank you. You've been an invaluable support. I've needed it every single day. In spite of the injury caused by w/d (on top of the destruction caused by the AD's themselves) I'm more glad than I can say to be discovering my health free of them. It goes without mentioning that getting through the w/d takes every ounce of patience we can muster. And then some. I hope that you are taking kind, friendly care of yourself, my dear friend. Arbor 2 Zoloft: 1995 - 2015 Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on December 15, 2018 Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019 (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019 Enalapril: 2010 - 2019 Lipitor: 2017 -2017 Metformin: 2000 - 2020 Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019 Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022 Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Addax Posted March 12, 2023 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 12, 2023 (edited) On 2/24/2023 at 3:40 PM, arbor said: I haven't always wanted to reveal here how harrowing my depressions have been, or the distraction and exhaustion of continuous SI, as I haven't wanted to depress others. Old traumas have plagued my thoughts. I mention such symptoms now because my improvements are building on themselves and I believe the same will happen for all of us given time. Though it's too early to say I've fully recovered from AD w/d, friends comment that I laugh more, am less irritable, angry and miserable. (I don't have to link the Pharmaceutical industry to psychopathy in every conversation....) My memory is improving. My sleep is better. I am happy to read that amongst the struggle and harrows of withdrawal you are experiencing progress and those around you are seeing it. Sometimes it’s hard to recognize progress when our mind is caught in the muck and distress of withdrawal, so having people point it out can be important. It’s thoughtful of you to think of others before you post… But I hope you post when you could other’s “voices’s” might help to drown-out and combat the painful and messy thoughts that can emerge while we’re healing. Wishing you thoughts that soothe, sleep that restores, and ongoing improvements. Edited March 12, 2023 by Addax 2 1988-2012: Prozac @ 60mg (with a few stops and starts) Fall 2012: Returned to 40mg after discontinuing and horrid withdrawal Fall 2013: 40mg Fluoxetine, added 150mg Wellbutrin to treat fatigue Winter 2014: Attempting to taper both (too fast) April 2014: 9mg Fluoxetine + 37.5 Wellbutrin Summer 2014: 8 mg Fluoxetine + 0 Wellbutrin (way too fast a drop) Late summer/Early Fall 2014: Debilitating Withdrawal symptoms Fall 2014 - Wellbutrin successfully kicked to the curb but… Oct- Dec 2014: Panicked reinstatement of Fluoxetine ->30mg - held for 5yrs Jan 2021: taper to 20mg Fluoxetine then tapering by 1mg every 2-3 months Fall 2022 - held at 10mg->December 2022: 9mg->Feb 2023: 8mg ->March 2023: brassmonkey slide begins: 7.8mg -> 7.6 -> 7.4->2 week hold (April)->7.2->7mg->6.8->2 week hold->6.6-> 1-month hold ->(June)-6.5->4-week hold-> (July)-6.4 (discontinued brassmonkey slide and slowed taper)-> (Aug)-6.2->(Sept)-6.0->(Oct)-5.9->(Nov)-5.8->(Dec)-5.7->wave!->(Jan)-5.8->(Feb)-6mg and holding. My 2014 withdrawal experience: https://rxisk.org/antidepressant-withdrawal-a-prozac-story/ Link to comment
Moderator DataGuy Posted May 16, 2023 Moderator Share Posted May 16, 2023 On 2/24/2023 at 3:40 PM, arbor said: I want to share with you that my recovery continues to get better. My instinct is to hold this awareness quietly for awhile longer. However, the need for encouragement as we endure w/d is understandably strong. Therefore I want to write this as an encouragement to everyone in this process to be patient. For some of us unfortunately recovery can take a long time. That's a daunting thing to hear at first, but as we get deeper into the process, I think it can be useful to know that the time this is taking us or the unimaginable severity of our symptoms have nothing to do, in my experience, with our likelihood of recovery. I haven't always wanted to reveal here how harrowing my depressions have been, or the distraction and exhaustion of continuous SI, as I haven't wanted to depress others. Old traumas have plagued my thoughts. I mention such symptoms now because my improvements are building on themselves and I believe the same will happen for all of us given time. Though it's too early to say I've fully recovered from AD w/d, friends comment that I laugh more, am less irritable, angry and miserable. (I don't have to link the Pharmaceutical industry to psychopathy in every conversation....) My memory is improving. My sleep is better. Please do whatever you can to endure. I'm close to 51 months since CT. Please take heart that things can--will--get better. I encourage all of us to keep going--moment by moment--whatever it takes. We will get better. Please know you are in my thoughts💜 Warm wishes and hugs, Arbor Very happy to read this @arbor. I hope you are continuing to do well. Or if not, I hope you have another window soon : ) 1 Remeron - 2004-2005 (bad withdrawal) Clonazepam - 2005-2018 (jumped around March) Olanzapine - 2014- late 2017 Domperidone - 2008-2018 Many drugs in between including Lexapro, other benzos and z-drugs. Still suffering post-withdrawal from Clonazepam (Klonopin), Olanzapine and Domperidone. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus arbor Posted May 17, 2023 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 17, 2023 Thank you @DataGuy. So good to hear from you. I'm continuing at about the same level, the passing waves tied it would seem to sleep which still can be irregular. (We're under a heatwave which makes it more difficult.) I'm very gratified that my social reactivity is still improving. I can be calmer and more patient. The effort to find personal "acceptance" feels added to by all the problems facing the world. I can't tell if the sorrow I feel is exaggerated by neuro-emotions or if it is how I would normally react. Either way I have to manage it. I hope that your sleep and other residual symptoms are continuing to improve.🙂 With deep gratitude to you, Arbor 1 Zoloft: 1995 - 2015 Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on December 15, 2018 Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019 (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019 Enalapril: 2010 - 2019 Lipitor: 2017 -2017 Metformin: 2000 - 2020 Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019 Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022 Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Carmie Posted May 29, 2023 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 29, 2023 Dear @arbor , I just wanted to say it’s lovely to see your encouraging posts all over this site, you are a precious soul. I hope you’re coping with the heatwave where you are. Sending hugs🤗 1 Seroquel. 2019:➡️ From 7.25mg to 5.80mg✔️ 2020➡️From 5.60 to 4.80✔️ 2021➡️From 4.60 to 4.0✔️ 2022➡️From 3.95 to 3.55✔️2023➡️ Jan 26=3.50✔️March 17=3.45✔️ June12=3.40✔️ July30=3.35✔️ Sep14=3.30✔️ Oct31=3.25✔️ 2024➡️Jan15=3.20✔️ Feb19=3.15✔️ March26=3.10✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus arbor Posted May 31, 2023 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 31, 2023 Thank you for this @Carmie it means so much. I'm continuing to focus very much on one-day-at-a-time, even as symtoms improve. The habit of staying in the moment has been a good one to learn and to keep. I send you best wishes as you continue your taper and I hope that your pain is manageable. Please know I'm thinking of you. 💜Arbor 1 Zoloft: 1995 - 2015 Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on December 15, 2018 Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019 (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019 Enalapril: 2010 - 2019 Lipitor: 2017 -2017 Metformin: 2000 - 2020 Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019 Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022 Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Carmie Posted June 1, 2023 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 1, 2023 Thanks @arbor Yes, one day at a time is the best strategy for all of us. Some days it’s an hour at a time, or less, but it’s definitely good to stay in the present moment. Not much we can do about the past or tomorrow, we can only live in this moment. You’ve got the right attitude there indeed! Hoping that you find some small joys in your day💛 Seroquel. 2019:➡️ From 7.25mg to 5.80mg✔️ 2020➡️From 5.60 to 4.80✔️ 2021➡️From 4.60 to 4.0✔️ 2022➡️From 3.95 to 3.55✔️2023➡️ Jan 26=3.50✔️March 17=3.45✔️ June12=3.40✔️ July30=3.35✔️ Sep14=3.30✔️ Oct31=3.25✔️ 2024➡️Jan15=3.20✔️ Feb19=3.15✔️ March26=3.10✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor. Link to comment
Oaktree1 Posted June 2, 2023 Share Posted June 2, 2023 On 6/1/2023 at 12:02 AM, arbor said: I'm continuing to focus very much on one-day-at-a-time, even as symptoms improve. The habit of staying in the moment has been a good one to learn and to keep. Hi Arbor, I am trying to do this... I put the emphasis on trying as in shouting it out with a megaphone. I am glad to hear you are still cutting it On 5/17/2023 at 2:42 PM, arbor said: I'm continuing at about the same level, the passing waves tied it would seem to sleep which still can be irregular. (We're under a heatwave which makes it more difficult.) I'm very gratified that my social reactivity is still improving. I can be calmer and more patient. Being calmer and more patient - that is real progress. I am not keen on the heat either. As Carmie writes 'sometimes it's an hour a time' - that is a better way of looking at it sometimes. I am glad to read that you are getting there slowly. Oaktree1 Currently tapering Mirtazapine; previously tapered Cymbalta 30mg from June 2018-Feb 2019 and Seroquel 150mg to zero from Oct-December 2020. Supplements for Hashimoto's disease and histamine issues relating to Mirtazapine: Vitamin D3 1,000mcg, bio-identical HRT, Selenium, Quercetin, Lutein, Zinc, Vitamin C, Omega 3. Mirtazapine Taper: 2021 16th Aug - transitioned to liquid from tablet by dissolving two 15mg tablets into a solution of 15 ml water and 15 ml maple syrup on a starting dose of what I thought was 7.5ml; 17 Sept - 7.31; 24 Sept - 7.13; 15 Oct - 6.95; 6 Nov - 6.78; 21 Nov - 6.61; 5 Dec - 6.51; 2022 - 1 Jan 6.41; 1 Feb - 6.1; 9 Mar - 5.8; 13 Mar - 5.9; 7 Apr - 5.8; 21 Apr - 5.7; 7 May - 5.63; 23 May - 5.55; 8 June 5.50; (got COVID on 12th June so held); 1 July 5.4; 15 July 5.32; 8 Aug 5.2; 15 Aug 5.1; 22 Aug 5; 19 Sept 4.9; 2 Oct 4.81; 13 Oct 4.71; (COVID Booster 17/10/22 so longer hold ); 1 Nov 4.65; 3 Nov 4.60; 10 Nov 4.55; 13 Nov 4.50; 17 Nov 4.45; 20 Nov 4.40; 2 Dec 4.30mg; 9 Dec 4.20mg; I discovered that the volumetric container measured 33ml rather than 30ml in Dec 2022. Following helpful advice from moderator OnMyWay (see her reply of the 5th March) discovered taper with the dilution was 3.8mg (calculated by dividing 30/33 so that every 1ml of solution has 0.90ml of Mirtazapine. 7.50 - 0.90= 6.6ml which was the starting dose on 16th Aug 2021 not 7.5ml). I decided to keep using the solution as I didn't want more change to deal with than I had to. 2023 17 Mar 4.1(3.7); 26 Mar 4.0(3.6); 14 Apr 3.9(3.51)28 Apr 3.8(3.42); 6 Jun 3.7(3.33); 19 Jun 3.6(3.24); 30 Jun 3.5(3.1); 19 Jul 3.4(3.06); 27 Jul 3.35 (3.01); 29 Jul 3.3 (2.97); 4 Aug 3.25 (2.92); 7 Aug 3.2 (2.88); 21 Aug 3.1 (2.79); 14.09 3 (2.7); 29th Sept 2.9(2.61); 15 Oct 2.8(2.52); 30 Oct 10 2.7(2.43); 13 Nov 2.65(2.38); 20 Nov 2.6(2.34); 26 Nov 2.55(2.29); 10 Dec 2.5(2.25); 2024 - 14 Jan 2.45(2.20); 22 Jan 2.40(2.16); 29 Jan 2.35(2.11); 2 Feb 2.3 (2.07);15 Feb 2.25(2.02); 22 Feb 2.21 (1.98); 29 Feb 2.17(1.95); 7 Mar 2.13(1.91); 21 Mar 2.05 (1.84); 31 Mar 2.01 (1.80); 14 Apr 1.90 (1.71); This is not 'medical advice' - my 'non medical advice' is don't get any more 'medical advice' or you may end up getting more 'medical treatment' i.e more drugs, DSM labels and/or ECT. Please do not PM me thanks. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus arbor Posted June 3, 2023 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 3, 2023 Hi dear @Oaktree1 Thank you for stopping by. I so appreciate hearing from you. Well, whoops: On 6/2/2023 at 10:31 AM, Oaktree1 said: I can be calmer and more patient. Wrongggg!!! I'm calm and patient only if I'm ready and prepared. If something hits me suddenly, yikes--who knows what'll come out of my mouth!? I've just patched up the problems following another slip in tact. Dang tired from that, but still better. I hope you're doing ok, especially with your kitty's ebbing health. Big hugs to you, Arbor 1 Zoloft: 1995 - 2015 Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on December 15, 2018 Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019 (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019 Enalapril: 2010 - 2019 Lipitor: 2017 -2017 Metformin: 2000 - 2020 Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019 Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022 Link to comment
Oaktree1 Posted June 5, 2023 Share Posted June 5, 2023 Hi Arbor, Well, at least you 'patched things up'. People who have no tact at all never do that as they are never wrong. It's good that you have people in your life and that things are improving in fits and starts anyway. This withdrawal thing has really made it obvious to me how I have to control my own emotional impulsivity - which is tough and I don't always get there particularly as most of the people in my own life are so indifferent with a few exceptions. The whole thing is an exercise in self control - a vital, vital skill in this life. Self control or regulation of ones emotions used to be regarded as admirable in the days before Freud misnamed it as repression. If I see some other stupid celebrity weeping for publicity on TV and being extolled as 'wonderful' or 'authentic' or 'brave' I think I'll scream. Actually I don't though - I just don't watch much TV - trying to exercise self control. So I get how hard it is to do so. At least you can have a laugh about it anyway. Oaktree1. 1 Currently tapering Mirtazapine; previously tapered Cymbalta 30mg from June 2018-Feb 2019 and Seroquel 150mg to zero from Oct-December 2020. Supplements for Hashimoto's disease and histamine issues relating to Mirtazapine: Vitamin D3 1,000mcg, bio-identical HRT, Selenium, Quercetin, Lutein, Zinc, Vitamin C, Omega 3. Mirtazapine Taper: 2021 16th Aug - transitioned to liquid from tablet by dissolving two 15mg tablets into a solution of 15 ml water and 15 ml maple syrup on a starting dose of what I thought was 7.5ml; 17 Sept - 7.31; 24 Sept - 7.13; 15 Oct - 6.95; 6 Nov - 6.78; 21 Nov - 6.61; 5 Dec - 6.51; 2022 - 1 Jan 6.41; 1 Feb - 6.1; 9 Mar - 5.8; 13 Mar - 5.9; 7 Apr - 5.8; 21 Apr - 5.7; 7 May - 5.63; 23 May - 5.55; 8 June 5.50; (got COVID on 12th June so held); 1 July 5.4; 15 July 5.32; 8 Aug 5.2; 15 Aug 5.1; 22 Aug 5; 19 Sept 4.9; 2 Oct 4.81; 13 Oct 4.71; (COVID Booster 17/10/22 so longer hold ); 1 Nov 4.65; 3 Nov 4.60; 10 Nov 4.55; 13 Nov 4.50; 17 Nov 4.45; 20 Nov 4.40; 2 Dec 4.30mg; 9 Dec 4.20mg; I discovered that the volumetric container measured 33ml rather than 30ml in Dec 2022. Following helpful advice from moderator OnMyWay (see her reply of the 5th March) discovered taper with the dilution was 3.8mg (calculated by dividing 30/33 so that every 1ml of solution has 0.90ml of Mirtazapine. 7.50 - 0.90= 6.6ml which was the starting dose on 16th Aug 2021 not 7.5ml). I decided to keep using the solution as I didn't want more change to deal with than I had to. 2023 17 Mar 4.1(3.7); 26 Mar 4.0(3.6); 14 Apr 3.9(3.51)28 Apr 3.8(3.42); 6 Jun 3.7(3.33); 19 Jun 3.6(3.24); 30 Jun 3.5(3.1); 19 Jul 3.4(3.06); 27 Jul 3.35 (3.01); 29 Jul 3.3 (2.97); 4 Aug 3.25 (2.92); 7 Aug 3.2 (2.88); 21 Aug 3.1 (2.79); 14.09 3 (2.7); 29th Sept 2.9(2.61); 15 Oct 2.8(2.52); 30 Oct 10 2.7(2.43); 13 Nov 2.65(2.38); 20 Nov 2.6(2.34); 26 Nov 2.55(2.29); 10 Dec 2.5(2.25); 2024 - 14 Jan 2.45(2.20); 22 Jan 2.40(2.16); 29 Jan 2.35(2.11); 2 Feb 2.3 (2.07);15 Feb 2.25(2.02); 22 Feb 2.21 (1.98); 29 Feb 2.17(1.95); 7 Mar 2.13(1.91); 21 Mar 2.05 (1.84); 31 Mar 2.01 (1.80); 14 Apr 1.90 (1.71); This is not 'medical advice' - my 'non medical advice' is don't get any more 'medical advice' or you may end up getting more 'medical treatment' i.e more drugs, DSM labels and/or ECT. Please do not PM me thanks. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus arbor Posted June 6, 2023 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 6, 2023 Love these comments @Oaktree1 And so agree with your observations: On 6/5/2023 at 2:39 AM, Oaktree1 said: Self control or regulation of ones emotions used to be regarded as admirable in the days before Freud misnamed it as repression. If I see some other stupid celebrity weeping for publicity on TV and being extolled as 'wonderful' or 'authentic' or 'brave' I think I'll scream. I find it dispiriting that so much money and effort is going into reviving Freudian thought and related therapies. Thanks for being there, Arbor Zoloft: 1995 - 2015 Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on December 15, 2018 Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019 (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019 Enalapril: 2010 - 2019 Lipitor: 2017 -2017 Metformin: 2000 - 2020 Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019 Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022 Link to comment
Moderator Onmyway Posted June 7, 2023 Moderator Share Posted June 7, 2023 On 6/5/2023 at 10:39 AM, Oaktree1 said: Hi Arbor, Well, at least you 'patched things up'. People who have no tact at all never do that as they are never wrong. It's good that you have people in your life and that things are improving in fits and starts anyway. This withdrawal thing has really made it obvious to me how I have to control my own emotional impulsivity - which is tough and I don't always get there particularly as most of the people in my own life are so indifferent with a few exceptions. The whole thing is an exercise in self control - a vital, vital skill in this life. Self control or regulation of ones emotions used to be regarded as admirable in the days before Freud misnamed it as repression. If I see some other stupid celebrity weeping for publicity on TV and being extolled as 'wonderful' or 'authentic' or 'brave' I think I'll scream. Actually I don't though - I just don't watch much TV - trying to exercise self control. So I get how hard it is to do so. At least you can have a laugh about it anyway. Oaktree1. Hi @Oaktree1 and @arbor, I thought I'd butt my head in. While I'm no fan of Freud, I have to say that repression and emotional control are different things. Emotional control would involve the recognition, acceptance and feeling of the emotion but not acting it out in dangerous ways. Repression on the other hand would involve denying, avoiding, attempts at replacing the emotion with something else. If I am angry, repressing that would be putting on a smile and being nice to the person who wronged me instead of expressing my anger in a healthy and non violent way. On the other hand, if I were controlling my anger I would acknowledge that I am angry, feel it, understand it, think of a way to address the situation without hitting the person who wronged me or yelling at them. Carmie recommended a wonderful book called 90 seconds to a better life and I love the explanations in it. Feeling, acknowledging your emotions is important and a good way to avoid psychological problems down the road. And a hell of a difficult thing to do. Omw 2 "Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. Aug 2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used) Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up) September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0 Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering) citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg, 7/27/19 -1.5 mg, 8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate Link to comment
Moderator Onmyway Posted June 23, 2023 Moderator Share Posted June 23, 2023 Hi @arbor, I was thinking of you today. Hope you are doing well and things are going OK in life Big hugs, OMW "Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. Aug 2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used) Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up) September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0 Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering) citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg, 7/27/19 -1.5 mg, 8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus arbor Posted June 23, 2023 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 23, 2023 Thank you @Onmyway--W/d has taken a huge toll on top of the iatrogenic damage caused by Zoloft, followed by a Prozac bridge. Like all of us, I work on acceptance. I also work on accomodating and compensating for the changes. The news that I want to share is that I continue to get better. The wave/window pattern is still present but with less drama. Some days I'm still easily stressed, my foot is numb, the tinnitus ringing. Today, I hardly hear the tinnitus and my foot is normal. I use these as checkpoints. There are many symptoms of course, but by and large, my trajectory is positive. I am so grateful to this site that has supported me through such anguish and despair. Having models of people who have taken psychotropics many years and managed to reclaim their lives free of these drugs has helped me when the going has been blind. Thank you for all that you do here OMW to encourage and bring kindness to others. I send you best wishes on your journey as well💜 Arbor 3 Zoloft: 1995 - 2015 Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on December 15, 2018 Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019 (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019 Enalapril: 2010 - 2019 Lipitor: 2017 -2017 Metformin: 2000 - 2020 Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019 Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022 Link to comment
Oaktree1 Posted June 26, 2023 Share Posted June 26, 2023 On 6/24/2023 at 12:33 AM, arbor said: There are many symptoms of course, but by and large, my trajectory is positive. I am so grateful to this site that has supported me through such anguish and despair. Having models of people who have taken psychotropics many years and managed to reclaim their lives free of these drugs has helped me when the going has been blind. Hi Arbor, I am glad to read that you are continuing to improve. It is important to hear that there is hope for recovery. Haven't seen the word 'anguish' being used in a long time - it's very descriptive of the lonely suffering people patients endure which can be laid at the door of the cognitive blindness of medical professionals and of the blindness of most 'normal' people in addition to the suffering caused by the drugs themselves. I am reading Johanne Hari's book on the war against illegal drugs currently 'Chasing the Scream' and it is astonishing to read that statistically 90% of US soldiers who used heroin during their tour of Vietnam just gave up the drug with no visible ill effects on return from duty. The only ones that struggled to come off and remained addicts were those with unstable childhoods according to some studies in the book. Contrast that with the people who predominantly had stable childhoods but whose lives are crippled by the withdrawal effects from these legal drugs. Withdrawal from heroin is apparently nothing compared to what these drugs do to the brain apparently. it's like a bad flu but it passes relatively quickly. Coming off these drugs is like climbing down a cliff full of sharp nails while wearing soft shoes and trying to do your best not to bleed too much while descending. Thankfully you seem to be on a steady route off. I hope things continue to improve. Oaktree1 2 Currently tapering Mirtazapine; previously tapered Cymbalta 30mg from June 2018-Feb 2019 and Seroquel 150mg to zero from Oct-December 2020. Supplements for Hashimoto's disease and histamine issues relating to Mirtazapine: Vitamin D3 1,000mcg, bio-identical HRT, Selenium, Quercetin, Lutein, Zinc, Vitamin C, Omega 3. Mirtazapine Taper: 2021 16th Aug - transitioned to liquid from tablet by dissolving two 15mg tablets into a solution of 15 ml water and 15 ml maple syrup on a starting dose of what I thought was 7.5ml; 17 Sept - 7.31; 24 Sept - 7.13; 15 Oct - 6.95; 6 Nov - 6.78; 21 Nov - 6.61; 5 Dec - 6.51; 2022 - 1 Jan 6.41; 1 Feb - 6.1; 9 Mar - 5.8; 13 Mar - 5.9; 7 Apr - 5.8; 21 Apr - 5.7; 7 May - 5.63; 23 May - 5.55; 8 June 5.50; (got COVID on 12th June so held); 1 July 5.4; 15 July 5.32; 8 Aug 5.2; 15 Aug 5.1; 22 Aug 5; 19 Sept 4.9; 2 Oct 4.81; 13 Oct 4.71; (COVID Booster 17/10/22 so longer hold ); 1 Nov 4.65; 3 Nov 4.60; 10 Nov 4.55; 13 Nov 4.50; 17 Nov 4.45; 20 Nov 4.40; 2 Dec 4.30mg; 9 Dec 4.20mg; I discovered that the volumetric container measured 33ml rather than 30ml in Dec 2022. Following helpful advice from moderator OnMyWay (see her reply of the 5th March) discovered taper with the dilution was 3.8mg (calculated by dividing 30/33 so that every 1ml of solution has 0.90ml of Mirtazapine. 7.50 - 0.90= 6.6ml which was the starting dose on 16th Aug 2021 not 7.5ml). I decided to keep using the solution as I didn't want more change to deal with than I had to. 2023 17 Mar 4.1(3.7); 26 Mar 4.0(3.6); 14 Apr 3.9(3.51)28 Apr 3.8(3.42); 6 Jun 3.7(3.33); 19 Jun 3.6(3.24); 30 Jun 3.5(3.1); 19 Jul 3.4(3.06); 27 Jul 3.35 (3.01); 29 Jul 3.3 (2.97); 4 Aug 3.25 (2.92); 7 Aug 3.2 (2.88); 21 Aug 3.1 (2.79); 14.09 3 (2.7); 29th Sept 2.9(2.61); 15 Oct 2.8(2.52); 30 Oct 10 2.7(2.43); 13 Nov 2.65(2.38); 20 Nov 2.6(2.34); 26 Nov 2.55(2.29); 10 Dec 2.5(2.25); 2024 - 14 Jan 2.45(2.20); 22 Jan 2.40(2.16); 29 Jan 2.35(2.11); 2 Feb 2.3 (2.07);15 Feb 2.25(2.02); 22 Feb 2.21 (1.98); 29 Feb 2.17(1.95); 7 Mar 2.13(1.91); 21 Mar 2.05 (1.84); 31 Mar 2.01 (1.80); 14 Apr 1.90 (1.71); This is not 'medical advice' - my 'non medical advice' is don't get any more 'medical advice' or you may end up getting more 'medical treatment' i.e more drugs, DSM labels and/or ECT. Please do not PM me thanks. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus arbor Posted June 27, 2023 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 27, 2023 Hi @Oaktree1 It's good to hear from you. The book you're reading sounds interesting. I'll see if our library has it. On 6/26/2023 at 5:03 AM, Oaktree1 said: Coming off these drugs is like climbing down a cliff full of sharp nails while wearing soft shoes and trying to do your best not to bleed too much while descending. Thankfully you seem to be on a steady route off. Because out of ignorance I basically CT'ed my AD's, I went through a dramatic tumble all at once. Friends took me twice to ER. I was on stroke watch because my BP was so high. Luckily I was diagnosed by a toxicologist in the ER who had seen instances of AD w/d before. He advised avoiding drugs and letting my brain chemistry recover which is what I have done. A year and a half later I discovered SA. I agree with people who say there are no words to describe the hell of AD w/d. The English language didn't evolve under such circumstances. I like your metaphor. After so many months of windows and waves, mostly waves, and feeling deeply incapacitated, it now feels odd to find that my experience is steadier. I'm less depressed and less anxiety-ridden. I have reclaimed stronger executive function, meaning I can put challenges into perspective better again. However, I still limit social interactions. I can't say I have much stress tolerance--for all that it may be improving. Going through the steps to calm myself works, but is still exhausting. I hold out hope for that to get better. I send you hugs as you continue your climb. It takes so much courage. Thanks, again for stopping by 🙏 Arbor 1 Zoloft: 1995 - 2015 Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on December 15, 2018 Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019 (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019 Enalapril: 2010 - 2019 Lipitor: 2017 -2017 Metformin: 2000 - 2020 Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019 Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022 Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now