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Apathy, anhedonia, emotional numbness, emotional anesthesia


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NEW!!!     INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder    NEW!!! 

 

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

Current from 9 Jan 2021:  Pristiq 0.405 mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My tapering program   My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)  My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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Snorky, that is why BAT often works, it makes you start with simple acts that don't seem to matter so much - like walk to the corner store, and then that sets up a positive spiral of doing more things

Great question NP...   I can strongly relate to everything You wrote Punar great post.. I'm so sorry to hear that You have to experience this horrible and inhumane condition too i send all hope to Y

Hi Druid.......   I've been wanting to share a few thoughts in regard to your post but I can only deal with certain subject matter, on certain days and at certain times (lol).   I can strongly

Hi Vincent, yes i can relate to what you are experiencing. Its a constant brain fog and spaced out feeling with some derealization like the world doesnt look real. Feels a bit like brain damage in some ways to put it in rudimentary terms. I'm 13 months out from ceasing effexor. For the first few months i felt like i was in a coma. Recently in the past 2 months i have noticed some improvement but its still not great.

Paroxatine - 2004-2006

Effexor XR 75mg 2006 - 2016 (Discontinued Feb 2016) - Withdrawal for 6 months.

Effexor XR 75mg Re-instated June 2017 (Discontinued Dec 2017)

Effexor XR 2-3 mg Re-instated March 10 2018 - 1 day (Didn't work)

Effexor XR 2mg Reinstated (Again) May 11 2018. 6 Beads

July 2018 - 0.0mg of Effexor. Zilch

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Holy moly!

 

There is just such a vast amount in this thread.

 

I can so relate to those talking about difficulty making decisions.

 

In fact finding motivation to get anything done takes a herculean effort.

 

For the last two years I have had Risperdal and Remeron added to my drug cocktail and more so in these last two years than before I have experienced anhedonia, dissociation and an inability to feel love, joy or happiness.

 

It’s no way for anyone to live.

 

A hundred years from now I’ll bet that the doctors of the day, and society in general, will look back on what psychiatry did today as being barbaric and akin to some of the vile treatments we look back on today as being barbaric.
 

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________

 

1983 to 2016:  Didn't keep a record. Will try and find info and post here if/when I can.

 

Jan 2017:   paroxetine 50mg     risperidone   0.5mg     gabapentin   600mg     Ritalin 20mg     mirtazapine 30mg
Apr 2018:   paroxetine 25mg     risperidone   0.5mg     gabapentin 1800mg     Ritalin 20mg     mirtazapine 60mg
Aug 2018:  paroxetine 25mg     risperidone 0.25mg     gabapentin 1800mg     Ritalin 20mg     mirtazapine 60mg
Nov 2018:  paroxetine 25mg     risperidone 0.12mg     gabapentin 1800mg     Ritalin 20mg     mirtazapine 30mg
Dec 2018:  paroxetine 25mg     risperidone       0mg     gabapentin 1800mg     Ritalin 20mg     mirtazapine 30mg
Jan 2019:  paroxetine 25mg     risperidone       0mg     gabapentin 1800mg     Ritalin 20mg     mirtazapine 15mg

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Lionheart did you try the injections ?

Risperdal 3 mg 2014-2015

Abilify 10 mg 2015-2017

Risperdal consta 37,5 mg 2017

Latuda 37 mg 2018

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26 minutes ago, Griqua said:

Lionheart did you try the injections ?

 

Hi Griqua,

 

I'm afraid I don't understand the question. What injections are you referring to?

 

 

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________

 

1983 to 2016:  Didn't keep a record. Will try and find info and post here if/when I can.

 

Jan 2017:   paroxetine 50mg     risperidone   0.5mg     gabapentin   600mg     Ritalin 20mg     mirtazapine 30mg
Apr 2018:   paroxetine 25mg     risperidone   0.5mg     gabapentin 1800mg     Ritalin 20mg     mirtazapine 60mg
Aug 2018:  paroxetine 25mg     risperidone 0.25mg     gabapentin 1800mg     Ritalin 20mg     mirtazapine 60mg
Nov 2018:  paroxetine 25mg     risperidone 0.12mg     gabapentin 1800mg     Ritalin 20mg     mirtazapine 30mg
Dec 2018:  paroxetine 25mg     risperidone       0mg     gabapentin 1800mg     Ritalin 20mg     mirtazapine 30mg
Jan 2019:  paroxetine 25mg     risperidone       0mg     gabapentin 1800mg     Ritalin 20mg     mirtazapine 15mg

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  • Moderator Emeritus
39 minutes ago, Griqua said:

Lionheart did you try the injections ?

 

12 minutes ago, Lionheart said:

What injections are you referring to?

 

If you look at Griqua's drug signature your will see Risperdal Consta.

 

Risperdal Consta  is an injection form of risperidone.

NEW!!!     INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder    NEW!!! 

 

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

Current from 9 Jan 2021:  Pristiq 0.405 mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My tapering program   My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)  My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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25 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

Risperdal Consta  is an injection form of risperidone.

 

Thanks, ChessieCat, I hadn't heard of it before and I haven't tried it.

 

Given that I'm now off Risperidone, and hope to stay off it, the point is moot but I will certainly keep the info in the back of my mind just in case.

 

Lionheart

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________

 

1983 to 2016:  Didn't keep a record. Will try and find info and post here if/when I can.

 

Jan 2017:   paroxetine 50mg     risperidone   0.5mg     gabapentin   600mg     Ritalin 20mg     mirtazapine 30mg
Apr 2018:   paroxetine 25mg     risperidone   0.5mg     gabapentin 1800mg     Ritalin 20mg     mirtazapine 60mg
Aug 2018:  paroxetine 25mg     risperidone 0.25mg     gabapentin 1800mg     Ritalin 20mg     mirtazapine 60mg
Nov 2018:  paroxetine 25mg     risperidone 0.12mg     gabapentin 1800mg     Ritalin 20mg     mirtazapine 30mg
Dec 2018:  paroxetine 25mg     risperidone       0mg     gabapentin 1800mg     Ritalin 20mg     mirtazapine 30mg
Jan 2019:  paroxetine 25mg     risperidone       0mg     gabapentin 1800mg     Ritalin 20mg     mirtazapine 15mg

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On Wednesday, May 13, 2015 at 7:53 AM, a99 said:

i'm almost 14 months off and a month ago I gradually started feeling some emotions while listening to music or when I go out , the colours look more vibrant and I started feeling real again , but it doesn't last long and it's usually in the morning 

a99 how are you today and which drugs did you take ?

Risperdal 3 mg 2014-2015

Abilify 10 mg 2015-2017

Risperdal consta 37,5 mg 2017

Latuda 37 mg 2018

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Hi guys! I have been dealing with anhedonia since the day took a higher dosage of Elavil. I haven’t been able to care, feel, etc the same way I used to about my life and also couldn’t care less to continue living. No matter what I do my mind just doesn’t feel anything and sad to say but I can’t form well relationships with people. Does anyone know any supplements to take?

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11 hours ago, Ashachand28 said:

Hi guys! I have been dealing with anhedonia since the day took a higher dosage of Elavil. I haven’t been able to care, feel, etc the same way I used to about my life and also couldn’t care less to continue living. No matter what I do my mind just doesn’t feel anything and sad to say but I can’t form well relationships with people. Does anyone know any supplements to take?

You can check out the threads for supplements on the forum. Lots of people say fish oil helps with withdrawal symptoms. Unfortunately something like this isn’t going to be a quick easy fix like taking a supplement. Most likely it’ll just be time off the drug, good nutrition, exercise, adequate sleep.  Just overall good lifestyle choices to help your brain recover from the stress it’s under.  It will come with time, even if it never seems like it will improve.

May 2013 - Jun 2016: Lexapro 

Jul 2016 - May 2017: Zoloft

Dec 2017 - Jan 2018: Wellbutrin

Jan 2018 - Present: Trintellix 

April 2018 - Jul 2018: Ativan

July 1st: Stopped Ativan (1 mg)

Aug 2018 - Present: Adderall XR

February 10th: Stopped Trintellix (5mg)

Current Medications:

Adderall IR 10mg (January 1, 2019)

Current Supplements:

Ultra EPA/DHA Fish Oil -  30 min of Light Box Therapy daily

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Hi everyone- for those experiencing these symptoms, are you all able to cry?

i was CT from Prozac and feel zero inside and am completely unable to cry... no matter how hard I try. Sound familiar to anyone?😔

Jill28

march - June 19, 2018- Zoloft

August 22, 2018- August 24, 2018- Prozac

August 24 to current- clonazepam - still reducing from .25 twice a day.

August 24 to Sept 24th - Cyproheptadine 2mg

August 29- End of November Lunesta 3 mg

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Hi @Jill28

Thats a common symptom. I'm still tappering and sometimes I cry a lot, and sometimes I can't cry at all. I have tried to cry in some ocations that call for crying and it feels like something is wrong inside but I just can't cry or experiencience the sadness. 

  • Started Taking Cymbalta on Dec 31 2015. Went from 30 mg, up to 120 mg until Oct 2016
  • Oct 2016:  fast tapered per doctor's instructions,  in just 2 weeks went from 120 to 90 to 60 mg 
  • CT from 60 mg to 0 and then reinstated after 3 days, then found the 10% method.
  • Tapering since October 2016, lowering by 10% of dose reductions (of original dose which was too fast)
  • May 2017: 7.2 mg/day
  • Nov 2017: 2.7 mg/day  tapered to fast, took a rest
  • Jan 2018: started reducing 2 pellets per month (took more than a month if needed)
  • August 2018: 1.8 mg/day  (10 pellets left)
  • September 2018: 9 pellets left
  • January 2019: 5 pellets left(reducing 1 pellet per month)
  • June 25 2919: last bead taken
  • Forever Free!!!
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Hi @VincentV

 

You have just described to a great extent how I Feel. I have also been looking for some sort of validation, but the closest I can find is the anhedonia thread. But this goes farther than that. I have used the phrase ‘’ I feel as if I have been chemically lobotomized’’ while trying to explain to my girlfriend.

 

I also try to grasp my own thoughts, like my mind is thinking them but they are not part of me or I can’t relate to them. Something is missing and I can’t figure out what it is. It’s as if my soul was absent from my body, as if I went through this activities through the day but I cant connect them to my inner self and cant find a meaning to them. I also try to look at myself and just can’t. I’m unable to grasp or process things and feel like I can resolve them because somehow things don’t go deep to my core to be assimilated. I don’t know if any of this makes sense.I also feel like there’s a wall and I can't get to myself

 

I really can’t shed any light on this, like in showing a scientific article because I haven’t found anything of the sort. I can just relate to all that you are saying and it is one of the things that bothers me the most. 

  • Started Taking Cymbalta on Dec 31 2015. Went from 30 mg, up to 120 mg until Oct 2016
  • Oct 2016:  fast tapered per doctor's instructions,  in just 2 weeks went from 120 to 90 to 60 mg 
  • CT from 60 mg to 0 and then reinstated after 3 days, then found the 10% method.
  • Tapering since October 2016, lowering by 10% of dose reductions (of original dose which was too fast)
  • May 2017: 7.2 mg/day
  • Nov 2017: 2.7 mg/day  tapered to fast, took a rest
  • Jan 2018: started reducing 2 pellets per month (took more than a month if needed)
  • August 2018: 1.8 mg/day  (10 pellets left)
  • September 2018: 9 pellets left
  • January 2019: 5 pellets left(reducing 1 pellet per month)
  • June 25 2919: last bead taken
  • Forever Free!!!
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@PapayaShake

 

Do you notice some days where it feels more intense/annoying than others? I would definitely say that, although its always there to sone extent, some days just feel better than others. 

Citalopram. Briefly early twenties, no ill effects seemingly. Don't remember dose.

 

Sertraline on and off for ten years.  I was ignorant and started and stopped frequently. Doses of 50, 75 and 100. I can not recall/did not record dates prior to 2018.

 

JANUARY 2018: Last period of use was was 150mg of sertraline on 14/01/18  (which triggered extreme depression and anxiety that never settled, amongst other symptoms). I then tapered to 100mg in March (15/03/18), then down to 75mg in April(01/04/18) , 50mg later (11/04/18) 25mg in May  (16/05/18),  and was at 0mg in June (02/06/18).

 

Mirtazapine 15mg 01/08/18- 02/10/18, 15mg (6 weeks at 15mg the two week taper). - caused deeply unpleasant waves of extreme anxiety, depression, zombie state and mania.

 

Still on 40mg of Propranolol twice a day since April 2018. Supplements: Fish oil, Magnesium, Vit B6

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is it common for people to feel their anhedonia lifting as their anxiety diminishes? I feel like the severe anxiety experienced during withdrawal, leads to more emotional blunting. Also how long did it take for the anhedonia to disappear(for the ones that have already recovered)? and was it gradual?

Paxil (20mg): Nov. 2012 - June 2014. CT of paxil. Severe psyhological symptoms. Reinstatement of Paxil (20mg): September 2014. Several attempts (4 or 5) of withdrawal, failing each time (due to increased symptoms:hypersensitivity to sounds, panic, anxiety) and reinstating back to 20mg. Last reinstatement was in January 2016. Symptoms still present. Stopped paxil cold turkey by the end of January, and switched to Citalopram (30mg)

Citalopram (30mg): Feb 1st 2016 - March 17 2016. CT off Citalopram.

Escitalopram (10mg): March 18 2016 - April 14 2016

Escitalopram (15mg): April 15 2016 - on going. Symptoms: Anxiety, Panic, Hypersensitivity to sounds, Tinnitus, Anhedonia.

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On 4/18/2012 at 6:22 PM, Nadia said:

Hi Barb,

 

Let me reassure you that this will improve! I was at the very depths of anhedonia some months ago, and slowly I started recovering my ability to feel pleasure. I went from feeling no love for anyone, no pleasure in anything... the most I would feel would be horror or dread or just a really bizarre feeling which I can only call derealization. Everything seemed awful and distant and cold.

 

Alto suggested I do the things which used to cause pleasure for me anyway... I sat in the sun, looked at flowers and trees, ate, took deep breaths, showers, drank a cup of tea, read. The progress was gradual and erratic. From anhedonia I went to depression, and disliking everything and everyone intensely. And then this past month, it's like a cloud lifted, and I feel so much better. Things that seemed absolutely horrible before seem OK now, or more like a problem that can be fixed instead of the end of the world. Nothing in my outer life has really changed, but because I can enjoy things more I can make choices about changes I need to make. The first thing I started enjoying was nature... I felt a deep thirst for trees, animals, and also food. That was a signal to me that I was "coming back to life".

 

I think you have to plow ahead and "fake it 'til you make it"... do things that are healthy. Walk, eat well, try some form of meditation. I often would repeat to myself "may I be happy, may I be healthy, may I be peaceful, may I be safe"... and then I added inspired and fulfilled as well. I tried to imagine and generate health, even though at the beginning it didn't feel like health or seem right.

 

Maybe to ultimately be happy you need to change your life situation and maybe right now you don't have the strength or the ability to do it... I suspect that was the case for me, but I was so far in the dark about everything, and everything seemed so horrible, that I could not imagine the way out. Now I'm relearning the things that I like naturally and that make me feel good and starting to be able to imagine having the gumption to take action (though I'm still taking shaky steps).

 

Even if you don't feel it at first, go through the motions. Sometimes it's good to socialize and get out there even if you don't like who you are with. But even better would be if you could find someone you actually enjoy spending time with (I'm still working on that one). And I think sometimes it's better to be alone or with animals! Certainly it's OK to shield yourself from toxic people in your life (as much as you are able).

 

I think being around animals can really help and you should not feel guilty about not being at your best with them... I know at the depths of what I was feeling I didn't even get relief from being around dogs and just didn't have the energy to take care of them (I did for a friend once, but my heart wasn't in it and I too felt guilty). I think even if you don't FEEL it at the moment, it repairs you in hidden, gradual ways. Do your best to take care of them, and let them take care of you, too.

@jozeff

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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8 hours ago, India said:

Let me reassure you that this will improve! I was at the very depths of anhedonia some months ago, and slowly I started recovering my ability to feel pleasure. I went from feeling no love for anyone, no pleasure in anything... the most I would feel would be horror or dread or just a really bizarre feeling which I can only call derealization. Everything seemed awful and distant and cold.

 

Thank you so much for this description. 

 

The fact that dark emotions are coming back sort of first being a sign of a process of normalization gives me a little bit more power to see my own dark emotions as a phase and that they will hopefully abate.

 

nadia, are you talking about emotions normalizing after or during withdrawl?

2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q

March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine

March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine

March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, 

june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine 

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  • 3 weeks later...

I want to share my experience with emotional anesthesia.

 

All my life I’ve been extremely sensitive to all of my emotions. I felt love, sadness, and joy in emotional extremes. Oftentimes these extremes were what lead to my depression.

 

I think what I miss most is the awe I used to feel that has been inaccessible to me ever since I started and tapered Prozac. There were many times predrug that I used to be overcome by the beauty of the world. I became obsessed by the complexity of everything. I could spend hours reading and pondering about the nature of the universe. Many times I would go outside and lay on my tramp and look up at the stars and feel so small and insignificant and utterly grateful for my life and all its nuances.

 

Memories are another thing that I’ve been robbed of. My life used to be defined by profound experiences: good and bad. Now I have no access to those emotional experiences. Because of this I feel robbed of not just my emotions, but my identity. I no longer feel human. I can no longer enjoy the music I listen too. I gave up playing the guitar months ago. I just can’t feel the words I sing. They mean nothing to me.

 

Perhaps the my most disturbing symptom of my emotional anesthesia is my reduced empathy. I used to be highly sensitive to the feeling of others. This often extended beyond people and into the feelings of animals. A couple of months ago when my dog ran away however, I couldn’t feel anything. I was horrified and I wanted to grieve but the emotions wouldn’t come. When my sister cried for a week straight, I just couldn’t relate to her pain.

 

I really miss who I once was, and I’m hoping to god my emotions eventually return, but that’s not a guarantee. I think the best thing for me is to accept that I might never be the same and I’m just going to have to live with that.

 

For anyone suffering from these symptom I’m really sorry you have to go through this. I know just how painful this symptom can be and I wish you all the best.

 

 

2013: At age 13, prescribed 50 mg sertraline for a couple of months. Discontinued cold turkey (doctor's orders) due to emotional blunting. No noticeable withdrawal effect.

2015-2016: At age 16 prescribed 20 mg prozac in late 2015.

2016: Switched from prozac to Paxil at 20 mg in May 2016. Doctor added wellbutrin 150 mg in the summer. Stopped both cold turkey in December. Only noticeable withdrawal symptoms we're a return of depression and increase in obsessive thinking/rumination.

2017: Started Prozac at 40 mg with lamictal at 25 mg. No significant emotional blunting or sexual side effect. Discontinued Lamictal in November.

2018: Upped Prozac to 80 mg in February. By June, side effect appear: emotional blunting, decreased libido, brain fog. In August, I begin tapering.

2019: In February: down to 2.5 mg of Prozac.

Withdrawal symptoms: Emotional anesthesia, Akathisia/inaility to concentrate, Erectile Dysfunction (disappearance of nocturnal erections), No libido or sex drive, Cold genitals, perpetually cold hands and feet

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  • 3 weeks later...
PapayaShake

 @VincentV

 

Yess, it follows that windows and waves pattern. Sometimes improves and sometimes it gets unbearable and disheartening 

 

 

  • Started Taking Cymbalta on Dec 31 2015. Went from 30 mg, up to 120 mg until Oct 2016
  • Oct 2016:  fast tapered per doctor's instructions,  in just 2 weeks went from 120 to 90 to 60 mg 
  • CT from 60 mg to 0 and then reinstated after 3 days, then found the 10% method.
  • Tapering since October 2016, lowering by 10% of dose reductions (of original dose which was too fast)
  • May 2017: 7.2 mg/day
  • Nov 2017: 2.7 mg/day  tapered to fast, took a rest
  • Jan 2018: started reducing 2 pellets per month (took more than a month if needed)
  • August 2018: 1.8 mg/day  (10 pellets left)
  • September 2018: 9 pellets left
  • January 2019: 5 pellets left(reducing 1 pellet per month)
  • June 25 2919: last bead taken
  • Forever Free!!!
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  • 1 month later...
uncomfortablynumb

Hey everyone,

I am suffering tremendously for the last 6 months.  I lost all my emotions - can't laugh or cry.  Haven't felt them this whole time.  Don't even feel love and lost interest in everything.  Faking a smile just gives me straining sensations in my head.  I can't feel music anymore.

 

I am having really bad head pressure with burning sensations. I can occasionally hear fizzing or crackling sounds when I am in bed.  Is this indicative of damage?  Feels like I have been lobotomized because I am also having major issues forming thoughts. Should I be getting any tests done?  

 

This feels pretty bleak and it seems as though many do not recover from emotional anaesthesia. Can anyone relate to all that I have described? Anyone get better?  

 

On top of it all my insomnia has been horrific again.  So hard to just hang on.

2006-15 Effexor on and off mostly on. Also tried drugs that didn't work; notriptyline, Celexa, Zoloft, Welbutrin, Abilify, Pristiq, Cymbalta. Weaned off Effexor for last time quickly (2015) - horrible depression, anxiety, and insomnia.
Remeron (2016) helped wd symptoms. 
2017 - tapered off Rem over a few mths. Horrible wd symptoms with insomnia. Reinstating Remeron fail. For wd insomnia tried: Trazodone, Elavil, Gabapentin, Seroquel, Doxepin, Valium. Failed. 2mg Ativan at bed intermittent use 4mth.
CT Ativan - off all meds June '17.  Recovered by Oct '17 - well for a yr.
Oct '18-now. Major stresses, drank alcohol. In hell -insomnia, dp/dr, head pressure, anhedonia, no emotions, blank mind.
May/June '19 - 16 doses Rem CT, 10 doses 2mg Ativan. CT

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Dear uncomfortablynumb,

 

i cannot see on what meds you are or were because I cannot see signatures on the iPhone.

 

i lost all my emotions being on meds or withdrawing (very slowly). 

 

I cannot say what causes this.

 

but i can say that i was certain that i will never have any emotion again for almost a year. After a reduction of quetiapine they started to come back. Not all yet and not in a linear way or so slowly I don’t recognize. 

They come as attacks, too and even positive feelings can be painful now. 

I definetly felt lobotomized when i had no feelings and the brainfog was worse.

 

things have change , yet I have to wait much longer until emotions feel balanced out. I think of it as phases of withdrawl and recovery. 

2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q

March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine

March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine

March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, 

june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine 

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uncomfortablynumb

Hi Tanha,

My medication history is very long with many fast tapers and cold turkeys.  I am not on anything now.  

 

I really don't know what is going on.  Is this a part of depersonalization or what. I have experienced similar symptoms when getting off medications two other times but they resolved after maybe 4 months or so.  The level of emotional emptiness and blank mind seems worse this time.   I do not even have a startle response.  

 

Since my head symptoms are also pretty extreme I am wondering if any sort of tests would show anything.  Who knows what... maybe lesions, inactivity, blood flow issues? 

 

How was brain fog for you?  Could you form thoughts?  And did you lack all emotion, even negative?  At least you have noticed improvement over time.  That is reassuring.  

2006-15 Effexor on and off mostly on. Also tried drugs that didn't work; notriptyline, Celexa, Zoloft, Welbutrin, Abilify, Pristiq, Cymbalta. Weaned off Effexor for last time quickly (2015) - horrible depression, anxiety, and insomnia.
Remeron (2016) helped wd symptoms. 
2017 - tapered off Rem over a few mths. Horrible wd symptoms with insomnia. Reinstating Remeron fail. For wd insomnia tried: Trazodone, Elavil, Gabapentin, Seroquel, Doxepin, Valium. Failed. 2mg Ativan at bed intermittent use 4mth.
CT Ativan - off all meds June '17.  Recovered by Oct '17 - well for a yr.
Oct '18-now. Major stresses, drank alcohol. In hell -insomnia, dp/dr, head pressure, anhedonia, no emotions, blank mind.
May/June '19 - 16 doses Rem CT, 10 doses 2mg Ativan. CT

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Uncomfortablynumb,

 

there were no emotions, no self, nothing.

dp and dr were bad for 11 months after ct cymbalta and many drugchanges after that. Others had this for many years after quitting Paxil.

2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q

March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine

March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine

March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, 

june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine 

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I have total apathy and am unable to feel or think anything at all. My mind feels deadened as though I have no brain cells. I can’t function. I’m existing in a reality of horrors. I’ve lost my self and all memory of what life is. I don’t know my own name or what I look like. I can’t feel my body. I live with my family and can’t recognize them or the home in which I’ve lived my whole life. I forgot how to communicate with other people. Everything and everyone looks unreal to me. It is overwhelming to keep my eyes open. I always feel like I’m asleep. I can only get through the most basic functions every day - eating and sleeping to keep me alive. I don’t know how I’m still here. I’m of no use. I don’t know anything that I can do. My mind is completely blank and I can’t come up with any ideas. Does anyone else feel like this?

(Took Respiradone, Strattera, Celexa, Lexapro, and Pristiq prior to these.)

These were all taken over the course of approximately 10 years

10/7/15 - Fluvoxamine Maleate 100 MG

7/26/16 - Amphetamine Salts 10 MG

10/5/16 - Olanzapine-Fluoxetine 6-25 MG

11/1/16 - Olanzapine 2.5 MG AND Fluoxetine HCL 10 MG

11/08/16 - Amantadine 100 MG AND Aripiprazole 5 MG

11/22/16 - Trazodone 50 MG

12/1/16 - Aripiprazole 5 MG *LAST DOSE - COLD-TURKEYED*

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serotoninsyndromesufferer

What are your dreams when you experience deep emotional numbness? I'm in this situation now and my dreams are really weird. They are just images and sounds, I don't feel anything when dreaming.

16th February 2019 - 27th February 2019:

Fluoxetine 20mg

 

7th April 2019 - 11th April 2019:

10mg paroxetine

 

11th April 2019 - 16th April 2019:

20mg paroxetine

 

21st March 2019 - now:

0,5mg alprazolam

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  • 2 weeks later...

This is by far my worst symptom lately. Feels like I haven’t felt a human emotion in 3 days. I’d almost rather be filled with anxiety and depression than this

2008: start Lexapro 10 mg which is quickly upped to 20 mg. 2008:2013 try at least four individual times to get off Lexapro, never get lower than 5mg, settle at 15 mg. 2015: again, attempt to get off Lexapro and get to 5 mg. After 6 months, feel i'm stabilizing but go back on a higher dose because of one stressful event. 2016: go to 20 mg from 15 mg due to work stresses, hit severe tolerance for the first time and become very suicidal. 2016-2017: try viibryd and cymbata in an attempt to feel better. Also add Lamictal 150 at some point. 2017: eventually land on paxil 37.5 and Lamictal 150. January 2018: cut paxil to 25. April-July 2018: reduce Lamictal in 50 mg increments till im off August. 2018: reduce paxil to 20 mg. december 2018: dropped Paxil to 18 mg, SEVERE CRASH. March updosed to 20 mg April 11: dropped to 19.4 mg due to akathsia (still experiencing akathsia symptoms from updose) April 20: 19 mg Paxil May 4: 18.7 Paxil July 5: 18.2 July 12: 17.8 Aug 19: 17.5 Aug 26: 17.3 Oct 20: 17.1 Nov 3: 16.9, 8/17/20: 16.6 after nine month hold, 8/24/20: 16.4, 8/31/20:16.2, 9/14/2020: 16.0, 9/21/20: 15.8, 9/28/20: 15.6, 10/19/20:15.4, 10/26/20: 15.2, 11/2/20: 15.1, 11/7/20: 14.8 

 

Medication signature.docx

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  • 1 month later...
crashcourse
On 12/19/2018 at 2:25 PM, Tanha said:

I found an interesting site where several studies are linked about ssri/snri causing tardive anhedonia and tardive dysphoria

 

 

Thank you for this. Will be important to read this as I progress with tapering. I feel anhedonia, apathy, PSSD while on AD. I presume these will last a long time, especially after reading the stories in this thread. I simply hope I'll be the outlier, not that I have high hopes. 

I won't write my symptoms here; since this has been mentioned by others in the thread, and I won't be contributing anything new. Best of luck to all.

2012- Citalopram 40- Axal 0.5mg  2017- Stopped Axal CT. No WD.

2017 - Effexor XR 75 mg.

For Epilepsy:1983 - Tegral 400 mg/day  2009 - Lumark 1000 mg/day- Biotim eyedrops for glaucoma.

27 April 2019 - Effexor XR taper started. 40 beads removed - 16% - 63mg20 May - 10% - 20 beads. 57mg / 3 June - 10% - 20 beads - 51mg / 18 July - 6% -10 beads - 48mg / 20 July - 7% -10 beads- 44.5mg/ 1 Sept - 75 mg alternate days = 37.5 mg/ 14 Sept - 75 mg every 3rd day = 25mg/  22 Sept - Effexor XR stopped.

27 Oct - Tegral = 300mg. Citalopram = 30 mg. Lumark = 500mg Busron = 10 mg. Somna = 2.5 mg

1-Jan 2020 Tegral 200mg BD- Citalopram 20mg OD- Lumark 500BD

25 Apr 2020 Tegral 200 mg BD- Citalopram alternate days 20 mg and 10 mg OD - Lumark 500BD

May June 2020 Dropped to 10 mg citalopram due to drug shortages.

Early July 2020: CT'ed citalopram - nonavailability of medicine. Tegral + Lumark remains same as before.

 

 

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crashcourse

@Altostrata  I've just read this paper which suggests that SSRI's are more like to cause apathy than non SSRIs. Here's the link: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2989833/

 

It further suggests reducing dosage of SSRI to deal with apathy or shifting to another drug. Quoting from the paper:

 

"Few empirical studies are available, but SSRI-induced indifference is likely to be under-recognized (e.g., it is characterized by low insight in those afflicted, particularly children and adolescents), have an insidious and delayed onset, be related to dosing, and completely resolve with a dose reduction or discontinuation of the SSRI. As for treatment strategies, possibilities include a dose reduction in the SSRI, augmentation with another medication, or switching from an SSRI to a non-SSRI."

 

Since I take both a SSRI and SNRI, of which I am currently tapering the SNRI (Effexor XR), is it worth considering that I first start tapering the SSRI (Citalopram).

 

My primary problem right now is loss of motivation and emotional blunting, along with sexual dysfunction. I do not have anxiety or appetite issues.

2012- Citalopram 40- Axal 0.5mg  2017- Stopped Axal CT. No WD.

2017 - Effexor XR 75 mg.

For Epilepsy:1983 - Tegral 400 mg/day  2009 - Lumark 1000 mg/day- Biotim eyedrops for glaucoma.

27 April 2019 - Effexor XR taper started. 40 beads removed - 16% - 63mg20 May - 10% - 20 beads. 57mg / 3 June - 10% - 20 beads - 51mg / 18 July - 6% -10 beads - 48mg / 20 July - 7% -10 beads- 44.5mg/ 1 Sept - 75 mg alternate days = 37.5 mg/ 14 Sept - 75 mg every 3rd day = 25mg/  22 Sept - Effexor XR stopped.

27 Oct - Tegral = 300mg. Citalopram = 30 mg. Lumark = 500mg Busron = 10 mg. Somna = 2.5 mg

1-Jan 2020 Tegral 200mg BD- Citalopram 20mg OD- Lumark 500BD

25 Apr 2020 Tegral 200 mg BD- Citalopram alternate days 20 mg and 10 mg OD - Lumark 500BD

May June 2020 Dropped to 10 mg citalopram due to drug shortages.

Early July 2020: CT'ed citalopram - nonavailability of medicine. Tegral + Lumark remains same as before.

 

 

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I do not know if this has been linked here or not, but I am part of an Anhedonia Facebook group and this was a document discovered and linked today.  Excellent incredible scientific information about how SSRIs and SNRIs impact dopamine levels and can create drug-induced Anhedonia.

 

What is absolutely infuriating however is that this was written in 2006. Many people in the medical profession do not even know what Anhedonia is, and this information has been available for over a decade.

 

Who is keeping this critical info from the public? It could have saved millions from being over prescribed!

How many people could have been saved from this suffering?!?!?!

 

This must change.

 

https://patentimages.storage.googleapis.com/8f/ca/a3/e2457a5db01aa0/US20060217394A1.pdf?fbclid=IwAR0WdD1xPfnH0ixc7o-JIW1jJdtLll9y6YXnmvHOfQKk6GRoyKyg6CsiMwQ

Psychiatric drug-induced Chronic Brain Impairment (CBI): Implications for long-term treatment with psychiatric medication
          May 2018
  Boyfriend left me without warning after double-dosage increase in Lexapro (also taking Ambien). He was not planning it - made the decision in 5 minutes. 
          Jul 2018    Discovered truth about Antidepressant impact to relationships. Docs did not warn boyfriend or any family of these dangers.  I do not trust my meds.  Decided to stop my prescription meds. 
                             Tapered slower than docs instructed. Was not on ADs, but did NOT know that my migraine med was a psychiatric med - and I tapered too fast.

          Sep 2018   Experienced "wake-up" - recognized it as something AD users experience when stopping meds.  Started experiencing withdrawal symptoms.  Reinstated low dose.  

 

Sep 2013  |  Topiramate 50 mg   Jun 2014  |  Phentermine 37.5 mg

Jul 2018   |  Topiramate 50 mg    |  Phentermine 19.0 mg

Aug 2018  |  Topiramate 25 mg   |  Phentermine 19.0 mg

Sept 2018 |  Topiramate   0 mg   |  Phentermine   0.0 mg

Sept 2018 |  Topiramate 25 mg   |  Phentermine 19.0 mg

Jan  2018 |  Topiramate 22 mg    |  Phentermine 37.5 mg                        Supplements: Omega 3, Magnesium L-Threonate, Probiotic

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  • 2 weeks later...
uncomfortablynumb

Do people usually not recover from the depersonalization and numbness?  It has been 9 months now of dissociation and being emotionless.  Have not felt amy happiness or laughed this whole time.   

Not sure if this was caused by kindling (alcohol) or trauma/life stress (death in family). Does it matter in regards to recovery?  Feel empty and brain damaged.

2006-15 Effexor on and off mostly on. Also tried drugs that didn't work; notriptyline, Celexa, Zoloft, Welbutrin, Abilify, Pristiq, Cymbalta. Weaned off Effexor for last time quickly (2015) - horrible depression, anxiety, and insomnia.
Remeron (2016) helped wd symptoms. 
2017 - tapered off Rem over a few mths. Horrible wd symptoms with insomnia. Reinstating Remeron fail. For wd insomnia tried: Trazodone, Elavil, Gabapentin, Seroquel, Doxepin, Valium. Failed. 2mg Ativan at bed intermittent use 4mth.
CT Ativan - off all meds June '17.  Recovered by Oct '17 - well for a yr.
Oct '18-now. Major stresses, drank alcohol. In hell -insomnia, dp/dr, head pressure, anhedonia, no emotions, blank mind.
May/June '19 - 16 doses Rem CT, 10 doses 2mg Ativan. CT

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  • Altostrata changed the title to Apathy, anhedonia, emotional numbness, emotional anesthesia
  • 2 weeks later...

Topic title:  How do your normal emotions return?

 

It seems like my negative ones are all here. But when do I feel more than occasional  flickers of the positive ones?

Do they gradually fade in and remain, or do they jerk and start in crazy intensity? 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
added topic title

This is the best of my recollection.

20 mg Prozac 3-4 days per week until May 2018.

Beginning May 15 I began to drop doses. 

I dropped 1 dose per week for the next 4 weeks.

It was not systematic at all. I don't have which days I took what.

so the week of May 13 I took 4 doses, which was pretty normal for me.

Then the week of May 20 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The week of May 27 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The 1st week in June l took 2 doses 20 mg.

The week of June 10, 2018 was my last dose 20 mg.

I had been on Prozac only. No other medications.

 

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to Emotional anesthesia: emotional numbness on and off drugs
Nevertoolate

Tweet I'm coming up to 12 months being totally free of Lexapro and sadly I'm still feeling rather flat. Not high and not low just constantly somewhere in the middle. I still feel like I'm living my life on autopilot. My emotions lean on the negative sad guilty feeling side with an occasional bright light moment thrown in on the odd occasion for good measure. 

It's been a good few months since I experienced a decent window 😥 but I hold out hope that one day I will feel and know again what it's like to be "real".

 

Hang in there. You're in good company here xx

 

Lexapro 10MG

Almost continually for 25 odd years 

Reduced to 5MG beginning July 2018-  end August 2018

August 2018 til now off completely 

 

 

 

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Emotional numbness comes because your neurons firing with no reason while taking the med, there must be a reason for emotion and no emotion hold a long time

 

Your receptors are damaged now and your brain isnt firing serotonin when it should

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  • Administrator

We don't know what causes emotional numbness or any adverse effect of a psychiatric drug. Serotonin receptors are far from the whole story, the entire body, all neurotransmitters, and all hormones are affected when you add a psychotropic drug to the environment.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • 1 month later...

has anyone recovered from apathy and been able to love and care about people again? i havent taken an antidepressant for 8 months and i only took it for a few days and im still stuck like this

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  • manymoretodays changed the title to Bamo: Emotional numbness

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