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☼ ang: help and confidence needed

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ang

watching some wonderful short videos and links from  http://antidepressantwithdrawal.info/videos/video_luc.html              having a semi low day, but thats OK, heaps better than I was a few months back.            Anyhow just a couple of notes, triggered by these videos, and reading about monica?  and her great blog posts.   I found it too hard to read them before, too close for comfort, so great to hear she is recovering. 

 

And an inspiration to me.         I havent been confined to bed, due to physical symptoms..........................  mental ones, yes.  Always someone suffering more, and if they can do it, I damn can!  And need to stop whingeing.

 

Anyhow, notes here:

 

I have horrific right shoulder pain, when I try to sleep,  and a little in my left shoulder  (I never suffer feelings of chronic pain).                I just put it down to withdrawals  ( got over the heart attack/panic worries!                 after all how can I worry about heart attack, when I spend some days wishing to die?  bit absurd   :)   

 

Also suffer ear pain,  comes and goes quickly, can ignore that, but trying to sleep with this upper arm pain is well damn painful   agggghhhh :)   I toss and turn trying to make it go away, but thats OK, I still sleep a bit.

 

But not good when I overnighter at boyfriends place   (yes things are improving!.  I got my empathy, caring, loving side back, a bit!).    

 

Also for past 8 weeks?  have been feeling, overwhelming attacks, of endorphins,  ABSOLUTELY LOVELY!!!!!      like when I used to be fit, and start exercising, that overwhelming, massive over full body, massage, feelings of absoulte massage, joy, coming over life a huge wave, BUT ONLY LASTS 30 SECONDS, BUGGAR! ....................... I havent felt that for 10 damn years!            A bit like my body trying to recover, but is still firing off stuff randomly,  like practicing I suppose!  Something is healing!          

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ang

 well worth the watch, it makes sense now, why my endorphins are ''healing?"""             

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manymoretodays

Are you okay with cynism?   I enjoyed your post.  It's about that 30 second thing........the cynism.........anyway.........I think that's called..............  I did enjoy the laugh when that thought came to me too.

 

Did you do your complete pros and cons checklist concerning the boyfriend?  :wacko: Wouldn't want just anyone to keep you company.  Hoping he brings enough to the table and it's a good thing.  Balanced.  If not........I'll be here to console and commiserate.

 

Thanks for the video links and video shared.  I'll come back to them.

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JanCarol

Hey Ang, you wrote:  

 

 

and some epsom salts for the bath...... geez I wish they sold it in sacks, not in little boxes

 

I buy it from Blants by the VAT.  You can get dog-food sized bags, too, along with mag chloride flakes and himalayan salt!

 

http://www.blants.com.au/

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JanCarol

Hey Ang - 

 

I used to put colored stars on my calender.  I got a gold star if I got out of bed before 10 am.  A blue star if I made it to bed before midnight.  A green star if I ate healthy.  A rainbow lorikeet sticker if I went to work. A red star if I got 30 min of exercise in a day.

 

It was my own custom made CBT.  It was a good system, but it has fallen by the wayside since I go to bed at 4 am, get up at noon, don't work, and not sure about the diet thing.  I would get a red star about 3x a week.

 

 

  If I do one good thing is a good day,    ie one point each for

           

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manymoretodays

An activist called Gary Kohls has been publishing about the zika virus. He points out

that 35 countries have the virus , but Brazil is the only place where babies are being born

with microcephaly , and contends that it's from pesticides.

Worth googling him if you're interested - it makes a good read.

 

Ang , I think it's beneficial to use each of the settings. From the article you linked above

about the WHO musician , different parts of the brain are stimulated. Mix-it up , you're Bio DJ.

1 and 3 are relaxing

2 and 4 are stimulating

3 and 6 are neutral , Schuman resonance , for meditation

 

Last week I saw a report of a woman locally who tested positive for Zika.  She had delivered and they showed her baby........said all was fine.  The baby though......I'm not certain, of course not, ..............sure looked to have some cranial abnormalities of some kind.............I mean..........I don't know what I mean but it sure was spooky.

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ang

Hi MTD, god ok with cynicism,  I am an aussie mate, we generally take everything as a joke!  I just hope I dont upset too many people on this site,   I dont mean it  :(   Will sign in again tomorrow, just catching up,                      and I need to re read everything a third time tomorrow, make sure I remember at least 20% of what people have written in the last 2 weeks................                       ah well, just like reading fresh news,    or watching the same movie over and over, and not remembering watching it before, great value for money!

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ang

Hello signing in, just to let all my wonderful friends here, know I am still alive and kicking,  even had a shower today     YIPPEE!

 

Anyhow, all I seem able to do now my brain is in hyperdrive!     Is research and god,  this getting my brain back is brain and thinking explosion!  Hope it settles!

 

Anyway make use of it  ::   here are my comments on the vaccine fraud,   they call the acellular pertussis vaccine,  in use since 1995  (AUS)  2004 (UK)  and    I think 2004 in USA?  Anyone got their baby immunisation records nearby?  

 

Feel free to share and just fb me for more info, or just email me.   

 

Whooping cough is a bacteria that colonises the throat, called pertussis.

1. Near no pertussis Australia whole cell pertussis vaccine (wP) 1953-1995
2. Change to aP vaccine 1996.
3. Vaccination rate, all time high levels of over 90%
4. First Major outbreaks begin 2010, when all first aP vaccinated show 100% failure rates of the vaccine.
5. No one over age 12 catches the illness, in the outbreak in 2010, one has to assume the whole cell is still working in anyone who got vaccinated prior to 1996.
6. WA Health Department discover those kids aged 6-12 who they test, during the outbreak in 2010, although showing no symptoms still had pertussis bacteria in their throats for up to 8 weeks, and were able to transmit this to others. These children had still working aP vaccine, which protected them, but did not stop them transmitting the bacteria.
7. Studies prove that fully vaccinated, with no symptoms, who have not yet had pertussis themselves (when the vaccine fails), do in fact, still catch, carry and spread pertussis to infants, who are too young to be vaccinated..
8. In an attempt to prevaccinated babies, USA recommends aP vaccine be given to all pregnant women in 2013. Rise from 5,000 microcephalic babies per year to over 25,000 per year.
9. Introduce aP vaccination to all Brazilian pregnant women in May 2015, first babies born October, a rise to 12,000 babies per year with microcephaly, which is less than the present rate in USA.
10. No zika in USA to blame, so how do CDC explain this rise in microcephaly?

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Fresh

Ang , I had to hide your posts above for several reasons.

 

- it's against site rules to sell things / solicit money from members

- it's not legal to send plant matter interstate in Australia

- how the heck would you pack up 10 plants and post them?

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ang

Oh and had some wonderful feedback on the previous post I put up,   the people around the world, congratulating me for my investigations.............       One email was just so, so wonderful,   isnt it great when even one person says   Well done!           Gave me a real boost.

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ang

Sorry Fresh,  thought I posted, maybe I didnt press enter!

 

Plants travel bare root,  so thats not a problem,  so soil, no pests, no diseases, and correct quarantine procedures,  I posted plants all the time,  around the world,  but that is too expensive for the paperwork for me now.             Cant send stuff INTO WA,  but WA can send stuff out.                                 

 

WA doesnt have all the pests, and nasties over the other side of Aus  :0

 

Apologies for posting re: clivia

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bubbles

Some plants can be sent interstate - various states have different rules. Some plants and seeds can be sent into various parts, some can't. Sometimes they need to be sent as - umm what is the word when they send teeny tiny watsits of banana plants etc - sometimes potted plants can be sent when the soil is drenched with something. Certainly complicated!

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JanCarol

Clivia_MaryDesnoo_9.jpg

 

After Mod review, it has been determined that requesting postage & packaging for sending these plants out is acceptable by site standards, but that it is firmly against site rules to solicit payment.  Sorry Ang, for all the fuss.

 

Ang knows her quarantine and customs rules for at least a dozen countries in addition to all Australian states.  I trust her judgement on that.

 

I sent postage, and I'm hoping my root stock is coming in soon.  Now to get hubby to dig the garden beds!  (I cannot dig with my physical pain)

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Fresh

Hi ang ,

In relation to Australia's biosecurity laws , you can send stuff out from anywhere , it's the being allowed IN that's the issue.

As you noted , you can't send stuff IN to WA.

You can't send stuff in to any state cause they're all afraid of each other's bugs.

 

For example , Queensland has it's own quarantine exemption / "Certification for Moving Plants" system called "Interstate Certification Insurance".

See the link here https://www.business.qld.gov.au/industry/agriculture/land-management/certification-for-moving-plants-and-plant-products

 

Quote:

"A business can become accredited - under the Interstate Certification Assurance (ICA) scheme - to certify that plants delivered to intrastate or interstate markets meet specified quarantine requirements.

 

Alternatively, plants and their products can be certified by a Biosecurity Inspector. Contact us on 13 25 23 to find a Biosecurity Inspector in your area.

 

Both government inspection and accreditation under the ICA scheme are provided on a fee-for-service basis."

 

 

 

When packages arrive they go through a scanner and plant material is identified , and if there is no certification they are destroyed. Just like on

the show "Border Security".

 

Hope this helps you understand the quarantine situation a bit better.

 

bw ,

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ang

Hi Fresh, I know my quarantine rules.....................   my clivia business was an international plant export business, as well as within Australia,   small scale, rare plants. It collapsed by the ex (?)  who works for telstra, or was it JUST a teslstra billing error?                  had all my internet cut off?  Hard to sell on line without an on-line!  And all those hard fought for loyal customers?  Business goes off line, sounds dodgy to them................Not well enough to run it at the moment.        When I exported plants,   Austrade could not help me,                 when I exported plants,   Austrade asked me, how did you do it?                I thought that was hilarious.

 

Anyhow moving on form that,         I have just done a seroquel drop    near 18%       just seemed cheaper and easier than getting more pills compounded,   ie gone from 1 x 25   +  1 x 18                    43 mg      to 36mg.       

 

I expect not to be doing much for 3 weeks, following the pattern last time I did such a drop.               I will try and get rid of some more clivia then if anyone wants some.

 

jus google clivia    and   australia   see all the lovely pictures of the plants, and how to care for them! :)

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ang

Oh anyone want to know how to send receive plants   LEGALLY  JUST ASK.                 AND WHATEVER YOU DO, NEVER, EVER USE BOXES THAT HAVE HAD BANANAS IN THEM TO SEND ANYTHING IN TO WA.               :)

 

The poor fellow who handles the stuff that comes from ????  queensland,  had to repack it all at Perth Airport, the dopes used banana boxes to pack the stuff   ( stuff I had ordered)...           For a queensland wholesale tubestock company to do that!  Must have been a new worker there!       Silly buggar!      These were the dopes that were   Quote:

"A business can become accredited - under the Interstate Certification Assurance (ICA) scheme - to certify that plants delivered to intrastate or interstate markets meet specified quarantine requirements.

Alternatively, plants and their products can be certified by a Biosecurity Inspector. Contact us on 13 25 23 to find a Biosecurity Inspector in your area.

Both government inspection and accreditation under the ICA scheme are provided on a fee-for-service basis."                Then they packed them in damn banana boxes!

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ang

You cannot post plants out of Mainland Australia,  without quarantine certification.                    If you try that, the whole lot gets burned at border security, USA< UK,   wherever.                             Used to be able to send to china, without certification,  think even China requires it now.                                     That will cost you around $200   for the AQIS man to look at your plant.      You do all the paperwork.            

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ang

I love two pages on facebook,              one is angelas garden           the other is              australia clivia  :)                   just for general chat and asking questions on plants, if you have any questions.............and beautiful pictures.  

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ang

Hey Ang, you wrote:  

 

 

and some epsom salts for the bath...... geez I wish they sold it in sacks, not in little boxes

 

I buy it from Blants by the VAT.  You can get dog-food sized bags, too, along with mag chloride flakes and himalayan salt!

 

http://www.blants.com.au/

Hi we dont have them here, and damn sending it post will cost too much,        better stick to those little boxes,    amyway, when are you travelling? dont want to send the plants, and they arrive and you aint home?

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ang

Gosh, weird first few days after my cut, couldnt sleep very well, that settled,  then the head and ear pain,  brain in overdruve!   and the night sweats,   last night slept OK, and now suddenly exhausted!  Its only 2.00pm,.  time for a nanna nap!  The diahorrea is awful too  sorry  (TOO MUCH INFORMATION GIVEN?)

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ang

angela coral eisenhauer    I googled my own name, I had no idea, so damn proud

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ang

After my cut this time,  only 5 days in, wow easier than I expected.            Neck pain at night is easing,  diahorrea not so bad.  Morning nausea easing....        And the horrific off the planet random thoughts, only hit after 4.00 am,  I try and sleep until 8.00am               .....................  so the circadian ? rhythm?  finally falling into place,  dont have to block out all light in the morning anymore.

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AliG

That's great Ang , if you are seeing less symptoms. I hope it keeps up .

How much are you on ,now ? It is a little unclear . Are you still on the St John's Wort?   Perhaps , it is time for an update of your Signature.  :)  That  will help to make it clear for everyone here. 

Hugs,

Ali

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ang

Yep time to update,  I take only one 1800mg  hang on will get me specs! yep SJW      wow, it is so nice not to need my glasses anymore!  just for the fine print on the SJW bottle!            My eyes are back!!!yay!   I take 2 x 18mg seroquel at night,   ie 36mg.         Side effects were bad, but tolerable, after the 18%? drop about 10 days ago.    Good sign is my brain is back!  It is frightening!  Well nice.            I just wish my physical motivation would come back as quickly!  It is all about self worth, I now believe I have self worth.

 

 

anyway angela coral eisenhauer facebook         Yep   making a few waves in the hate pharma field.

 

But thats Ok, I understand computers, got forewarned about the centrelink check, and the telstra line hack.            Telstra fixed that overnight, gave me a new internet line.          

 

Thanks friends!

 

Now I just want to get back out in that damn garden, and the sunshine!

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ang

http://www.madinamerica.com/2016/05/the-fda-is-hiding-reports-linking-psych-drugs-to-homicides/               this IS A MUST READ!               other links to it on my fb page   angela coral eisenhauer                    A 3-month-old female infant was left alone with a babysitter’s 10-year-old daughter. Lisdexamfetamine (aka vyvanse, ritalin, ) was prescribed to the 10-year-old daughter of the babysitter; .....The infant sustained various injuries. The autopsy reported the cause of death was “asphyxia and suffocation,” as the result of “homicide.” Now they prescribing this mind bender to women with weight issues? And if they go on to murder their own children, apparently it was a diet drug that caused it?   a 10-year-old taking Vyvanse (lisdexamfetamine), a stimulant drug prescribed to a million children in the U.S for ADHD. The girl had reportedly experienced a drug reaction that led her to commit homicide.  Also mentions murders commited by people on fluoxetine and others.

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ang

Just signing in, I'm still alive and kickin!              Hope you enjoying your holiday Jan.................... xxxxxxxxx

 

This is just an email I got re my investigations  (damn a pathologist to another)  

Dear Angela:

 

Thank you for your email which raises a serious question that is generally censored to prevent open discussion in mainstream medicine these days. 

 

I am a pathologist focusing on reliable and financially sustainable nucleic acid tests for better patient care.

I got into the HPV vaccine project by accident at the request of many mothers who believed their daughters were harmed by the HPV vaccines. They wrote to me and asked for help. So I did some research on the issue at the best I could. I am not a fulltime researcher on the subject.

Based on my understanding of the current science and my own experience, I think the risks of HPV vaccination outweigh the potential benefits of the vaccines in cervical cancer prevention in developed countries. I agree that we are over-vaccinated. We need open and unbiased discussions on this issue. But the industry, the government agencies and the key academic establishments are not willing to face the issue. Too much money is involved, and many influential people have their own agendas.

 

We live in a corrupt world. The profession of pathology has been commercialized. Pathologists, used to be medical scientists and truth seekers, now are now health care service providers getting paid by their customers. But who are the customers? Neither the society nor the pathology organizations have a clear answer. Pathologists used to express their opinions based on facts. Now many of them speak on behalf of the commercial interests. Just read some of the papers published by pathologists on the subjects of HPV tests and HPV vaccines. You will see many of them are on the boards of some companies or are paid consultants.

 

The Zika virus “epidemic”, claimed to be the cause of microcephaly cases, is another fiasco. We do not know how many cases are truly “confirmed”(by DNA sequencing), “presumptive” (by RT-PCR, qPCR), “assumed” (by antibody reactions), or “suspect” (symptoms only) Zika infections in the statistics published. I suspect the crisis was good only for finding tax money to develop test kits and vaccines.  

 

 

the fraud goes way beyond Psychiatric Drugs,                              god bless everyone on this site, thankyou!

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ang

Just signing in   tomorrow a cut from 33mg  to 30mg,    I am wary,  it is so damn hard.  I just want to be something like the person I used to be.   One can only hope I will find my old self again.

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manymoretodays

Yup.  I think my optimism is more for that my "new self" will be good enough.  That letter you got back is great........just in that some professionals do know.........rare those that would jeopardize their "standing or practices" though to help those such as us.  No money in it........and huge risk for them.

 

By the way........I am herb free once again.  The last batch just worsened me......the neuro emotions, the cognitive, pretty much all of it.  I did run into a seller of some legal CBD oil and nectar and a local shop.  She works there but was promoting it at a separate stand that day.  After your experiences though........I am pretty wary, as well as just wary of anyone peddling "snake oil" that cures all ills.  She did disclose that she had been through psych care and is off meds. but mainly felt it kept her off opiates and such for a back problem.

 

I did start today with homeopathic amounts of minerals.  I'll give it a good try.  My diet is neither organic nor raw foods as yet.......maybe never.........where's that personal assistant we all could use??   <_<   I do eat some raw spinach and carrots and will maybe grill some of the meat products that are in the freezer from awhile back soon.  Protein........greens.......Alto's advice..........simple for my simple mind.

 

Feeling bleak.......but clearer at this point of the day.  And a me too..........down another 10 percent on the trileptal tomorrow to 54mg.  I'm not in any great window but I figure why wait, as I could be waiting forever.  I am contemplating at what dose do I just jump off completely?   I just am how I am.  A few outside contacts and get on out of the house every now and then but pretty low energy overall, weakness, etc.  It should be okay through our now warmer weather.........actually really nice long wet Spring this year........or so it seems.  But yah........just a fragment of my own used to be "best" self, fun......or creative self. 

 

I tried an AA mtg. this week........maybe one a week for my main social and try and get through the steps.  Not a whole lot of enthusiasm for it but it's a "program".  I used to like groups and "programs".

 

Who am I anymore?  Greatly changed that's who.

 

Anyway.......great to see your update.  I am hanging in with Ang.   :wacko:   Kind of makes me tear up a bit.  This is getting so old and so am I........

 

Let's see......on a happier note............... :mellow:

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ang

Hi Many more todays,  hope you feeling a bit chirpier,     I actually went food shopping today, had a shower three days ago, so doing well           :(           Anyhow I know how you feel, like just want to dump the last of my pills and damn get it over and done with,  but I may not survive, if I do that.             I have found, of all things,   I still wake up awful, but no so awful..... so mornings are improving.           Also my days seem pretty much the same all day,  no feeling bloody awful all morning and a bit brighter later on.            So I know things are changing, something is healing.

 

Every small sign is a good sign.   And when I feel really low,   I think wow,  I was on 400mg of this last poison, now only on 30mg,    the nightmare of effexor is gone, and the other cocktails, all gone.           So sad for the life I lost because of it though, that makes me teary eyed.               These pharma people, that do this to us,  for pure greed,  they are the evilest people on the planet..........................

 

Hang in there friends,  in a few years perhaps this will all be behind us.

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ang

Signing in,   doing a drop  from 30mg to 25mg    seroquel           ........................        Just that is the size of the pills I have, so its a big drop I suppose.  And going to half SJW pills.

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scallywag

Fingers crossed for you, ang.  If the 5 mg drop (16.7%) is too much for you, at least you know what to do or where to come for ideas!

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ang

Thanks Scallywag.         Surviving, just.                   Day 7 now after the drop, yesterday was the worst,  today a little better.  Physically:  Vomiting yesterday morning, that seems to have settled today.  Lethargy, mini panic at the thought of even doing the dishes!  Itching, horrible, scratching face, scalp,  I need to get some more zinc, that usually fixes the dry and scabby skin.  Very dry eyes,  feels even like I have sand in them sometimes. Oh, and no cravings for wine,   weird.  No desire for my usually enjoyed coffee.  Oh and for a month now, unexplained pain top right arm,  just weird, keeps me awake at night.

 

If I could describe my thoughts, especially when I wake.       Like all my life, all the bits and pieces left over go into a big box,    like we all have this box under the sink, or wherever, where we put the odd button, that we dont know where it came from, of the little screwdriver we might need, but have no where else to put it, the washers, the bits of fuse wire, all the crap, and the box gets full, but never used.             My brain feels like it is pulling out every bit of crap, over and over again.             I just wish I could throw the box away.

 

I want to live in the here and now, go for a walk, and feel the sun, but I cant at the moment.  A bit teary eyed also,  hope I make it out the other side.

 

The horrible bit is not one person, who isnt going through it, understands.   I am just a lazy slob             So many times before in life, going through this stuff, getting off this stuff, I have managed to drag myself up and out,  I cant this time, maybe it is because I dont have to, I dont have kids I have to get to school and stuff like that, I dont know.   This is the hardest thing I have ever done.   Effexor is the devil,  and all the rest are nearly as bad.  These pills send us crazy, then they blame the crazy, instead of the pills.        Greatest pharma scam ever.  

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manymoretodays

Oh ang........so eloquently put though.  You see that don't you?  Gimmee that box......I'll toss it in the waves.

 

You will, of course........make it to the other side..........waves splash the windows.........the window opens..........it will come.  Healing pains.  You can this time too......in your own time.

 

((((Ang)))))

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ang

MMT   well now its lunchtime, and I am having a window,   really weird,  did the dishes!  Sudden craving for coffee???  Am about to colour my hair, lets hope it lasts for a few hours, nice to have a little window,  and realise, perhaps, one day I might feel like this most days..... I feel like 60% ..................... 

Felt well enough already, to ring a cleaning lady, to come in tomorrow!    Am dreaming of what I will do when well,  that hasnt happened for a while.  Still teary eyed, thats weird...

 

I hope I feel well on the weekend,  two grown sons, want haircuts,  and they only trust me to do it! :)

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ang

I think I know what stable is for me,  before doing a cut,  it wasnt feeling well at all,  it was feeling the same, day after day, no windows, nor waves................ same pattern of sleeping, every day.

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ang

had stress  i didnt damn need , hopefully hanging in there   

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