JesusSavemefromWD: only 3.5 weeks sertraline enough to destroy me

[JesusSavemefromWD]

This is not getting any better for me …, still completely depersonalized and dread fear all day long. Sleep is getting hard as well. I feel like my only hope is reinstating..,

[bijay]

I am so sorry that you are having sleep problems now, as I know what that is like. 

 

Hope you start finding some light at the end of the tunnel.  Peace be with you. 🕊️

 

 

 

 

 

 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

2 minutes ago, bijay said:

I am so sorry that you are having sleep problems now, as I know what that is like. 

 

Hope you start finding some light at the end of the tunnel.  Peace be with you. 🕊️

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank u for always commenting on my thread, it is good to know someone is listening….,

I don’t understand why in the world I am having insomnia after so long off the drug. I never had insomnia before zoloft and even during this Zoloft adverse reaction nightmare I have been sleeping quite good, 10 hrs most nights, really deep peaceful sleep (the nightmare starts once I would wake up). So what happened on month 9 to 10 off the drug and I lost the only thing that kept me going? I haven’t added or stopped any supplements or drugs, haven’t had any caffeine or alcohol, have nt changed anything…, and instead of getting better I now get insomnia on top of the other symptoms. I ll take a bit melatonin tonight to see if it ll help but I just don’t get it… 

[ChessieCat]

Insomnia can be caused by many things.

[JesusSavemefromWD]

9 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

Insomnia can be caused by many things.

Thanks CC, I can actually feel it’s a “chemical kind of insomnia”… like I am tired but my brain is just not turning off… never had this before, I really thing is part of the protracted withdrawal package but just can’t believe I got it so many months out. This nightmare never stops surprising me as I guess many other AD sufferers. Congratulations on coming off ur AD after so many years! Happy for u….

[Colonial]

36 minutes ago, JesusSavemefromWD said:

. So what happened on month 9 to 10 off the drug and I lost the only thing that kept me going?

 

I think there is a history of members having upticks of problems around the 9 month mark off a drug.

 

 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

2 minutes ago, Colonial said:

 

I think there is a history of members having upticks of problems around the 9 month mark off a drug.

 

 

Ok thanks, hoping it’s temporary…. 

[bijay]

@JesusSavemefromWD When my mind doesn't seem to turn off, I focus on my breath and reassure myself that I may not be sleeping, but at least I am getting some rest.  

 

The insomnia could also be a very natural reaction to the difficult situation you've been dealing with - maybe more natural than sleeping so soundly for 10 hours every night ...     

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Colonial]

On 12/18/2020 at 12:56 PM, NoMoreLexapro said:

I think I remember reading somewhere at some point that it is common to have a bad wave at the 8-10 month mark.  Or maybe I was wrong and I'm making that up?  I can't remember...

"An earlier version of Brassmonkey's essay, "It doesn't end at zero," spoke about a bad wave around the 10-month mark."

 

What I remember is a member who hit a wall hard around the 9th month and others talking that it can happen around that time. Eventually it resolves but it stinks because You think your so far out, but healing comes in spurts as time goes by.

 

Funny how some of our brains seem to fall into patterns like this regardless of the drug.

I would assume it's a sign of further healing in process before a better window.

Edited September 6, 2021 by Colonial

[JesusSavemefromWD]

1 hour ago, Colonial said:

On 12/18/2020 at 12:56 PM, NoMoreLexapro said:

I think I remember reading somewhere at some point that it is common to have a bad wave at the 8-10 month mark.  Or maybe I was wrong and I'm making that up?  I can't remember...

"An earlier version of Brassmonkey's essay, "It doesn't end at zero," spoke about a bad wave around the 10-month mark."

 

What I remember is a member who hit a wall hard around the 9th month and others talking that it can happen around that time. Eventually it resolves but it stinks because You think your so far out, but healing comes in spurts as time goes by.

 

Fully how some of our brains seem to fall into patterns like this regardless of the drug.

I would assume it's a sign of further healing in process before a better window.

I don’t have any windows, just very slight reduction of symptoms after 10pm …,😥.

For the insomnia however I am kind of hopeful it ll resolve… why wouldn’t it be if I have been sleeping ok for so long ..,, 

Thanks ..,,

[Ruhik]

Hey! I'm on the same journey but I had cervical spasm as well and it made matters worse for me insomnia is the same . I see visuals when I close my eyes

[ChessieCat]

21 hours ago, JesusSavemefromWD said:

I don’t have any windows, just very slight reduction of symptoms after 10pm

 

A window is any period of time, even if only briefly, when the symptoms lessen.

[JesusSavemefromWD]

Sleep is getting worst. I fall asleep immediately but my brain wakes me up like a clock exactly 1&1/2 hr after I fall asleep. I then toss and turn for 2-3 hrs, and manage to fall back asleep into a broken kind of sleep for another 3 hrs. However last two nights I haven’t been able to get back to sleep after waking up, so I basically only sleep for about 1&1/2 hrs. 1mg Melatonin helped a bit when insomnia started (about 2-3 weeks ago) but doesn’t help any more. 
I know it’s best to not take anything but I can’t keep going on without sleep on top of other torturous symptoms… I ll probably end up in the hospital if sleep doesn’t resume and we all know how bad that would be. So my question is what is the less harmful drug someone can take to get some sleep? Is ambien to bad for example? Should I first try some of the counter sleeping aids ? Please help (meditation  doesn’t help, I tried it)

[Cage190]

On 9/6/2021 at 12:09 AM, JesusSavemefromWD said:

This is not getting any better for me …, still completely depersonalized and dread fear all day long. Sleep is getting hard as well. I feel like my only hope is reinstating..,

 

If I were you I would reinstate at a low dose.. I personally suffer when I read your messages and how hard are your experiences this last months.. 

 

Reinstatement saved me.. maybe you too.

 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

12 minutes ago, DavidPT said:

 

If I were you I would reinstate at a low dose.. I personally suffer when I read your messages and how hard are your experiences this last months.. 

 

Reinstatement saved me.. maybe you too.

 

I should have done it early days, afraid it ll make things worst after 10&1/2 months off but one thing ur right about… this suffering is so extreme without any breaks or clear improvements that it does seem that reinstating might be my only hope. However i was feeling quite bad while on Zoloft (not as horrific as after I quit) but I can’t help wondering if instead of going back to Zoloft I should replace it with a low dose of Prozac. I really don’t want to go back on the drugs after taking this extreme suffering for so many months, but I really suffer so much that it is beyond what words can explain. 
How are u feeling now? Would u say u have stabilized and feel almost back to urself?

[JesusSavemefromWD]

On 9/6/2021 at 4:02 PM, Ruhik said:

Hey! I'm on the same journey but I had cervical spasm as well and it made matters worse for me insomnia is the same . I see visuals when I close my eyes

Sorry ur suffering as well… this nightmare is insane… and thinking it arose from just using a legally prescribed drug makes it even harder to bear. Most people seem to heal with time so let’s hope we will not be the exception to this rule.

[Ruhik]

With every passing day m losing hope in me. I don't know when this nightmare would end. Sending healing vibes to you ❤️

21 hours ago, JesusSavemefromWD said:

Sorry ur suffering as well… this nightmare is insane… and thinking it arose from just using a legally prescribed drug makes it even harder to bear. Most people seem to heal with time so let’s hope we will not be the exception to this rule.

 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

On 9/7/2021 at 10:07 AM, JesusSavemefromWD said:

Sleep is getting worst. I fall asleep immediately but my brain wakes me up like a clock exactly 1&1/2 hr after I fall asleep. I then toss and turn for 2-3 hrs, and manage to fall back asleep into a broken kind of sleep for another 3 hrs. However last two nights I haven’t been able to get back to sleep after waking up, so I basically only sleep for about 1&1/2 hrs. 1mg Melatonin helped a bit when insomnia started (about 2-3 weeks ago) but doesn’t help any more. 
I know it’s best to not take anything but I can’t keep going on without sleep on top of other torturous symptoms… I ll probably end up in the hospital if sleep doesn’t resume and we all know how bad that would be. So my question is what is the less harmful drug someone can take to get some sleep? Is ambien to bad for example? Should I first try some of the counter sleeping aids ? Please help (meditation  doesn’t help, I tried it)

My sleep seems to be going back to normal again… I did use 1-1.5 mg melatonin sporadically and to my surprise it did help , but last two nights I  slept ok-ish without even melatonin.

all rest of my anguish symptoms remain as horrific as before but with my sleep resuming to normal I can at least keep fighting this nightmare…, my worst symptoms still being DP and inner akathisia as well as “chemical” fear for no reason, it isn’t even triggered by a thought it is just there every waking minute …, May God help as all through this torture… 

[Hanna72]

Hi @JesusSavemefromWD

I got your message, and I hope you don’t mind me answering your questions in your thread, as it is more comfortable for me.

First off I am so sorry to hear that you are suffering so much, no one should ever have to go through this inhumaine torture.

 

To answer your question about fluoxetine, for me personally it helped me stabilise yes. I don’t have that fear constantly anymore.

Note though that I have 20 years of these drugs on my back and you are in a different situation then I was in. You suffered from adverse reaction, and only took the drug Zoloft for a few weeks. 
I am sorry to say that I don’t know if Prozac will help you out. But then again being in this horrible state you are in, might be worth trying a small amount as I think has been suggested to you of 0,5 mg.

None of us here can quarantine anything for you, it’s a choice that you have to take and if you do so, stand by it and be confident that it’s the right thing to do and hopefully it will work out.

I am sorry I can’t answer you more precisely, but unfortunately nothing in this journey is written in stone.

 

Praying that you get some relief🙏

All my best to you.

[JesusSavemefromWD]

11 months off : CRASHED… my situation is not survivable any more, thank u all for posting in my thread. 

[SandCastle]

@JesusSavemefromWD Are you ok? I’m sorry to hear things are so terrible right now. Please don’t give up. You’ll get through this and this setback will all be a bad memory.

[ScottishLass]

@JesusSavemefromWD you can’t do that. You can’t say that. You have to keep going. You do. Please

[ScottishLass]

Please let people knw u r ok

[rubywednesday]

On 9/24/2021 at 1:07 AM, JesusSavemefromWD said:

11 months off : CRASHED… my situation is not survivable any more, thank u all for posting in my thread. 

@JesusSavemefromWD, we've not spoken before but lots of people, including myself, are worried about you.  I can't imagine what you're going through but there will be a light at the end of the tunnel in time, even if you can't see it at the moment.  Feel free to pm me, if you want to chat (I'm in the UK so will only be up for an hour or so or I'll be around tomorrow).  Alternatively, are there any crisis lines or friends/family you can call?  Please don't give up hope, hugs xx

 

Ruby x

[Shellbell]

@JesusSavemefromWD

worried about you my dear friend. Please message me back. I need to know your ok. Remember me and you are getting through this together. You can do this. Please get back to me

[JesusSavemefromWD]

@ScottishLass

@Shellbell

@rubywednesday

things got unbearable, I went to the hospital, offered meds, refused, came back home. Don’t know how much longer I can do this …, I am approaching a year since my adverse reaction and I am still bedridden with depersonalization, mental Akathisia and non stop fear…. I understand adverse reactions take years to heal but I was hoping I d get a bit relief by one year, be a bit more functional at least around the house. Nothing….. sorry for making u worry , I know u have ur own fight to focus. Thank u for caring …. It is just so hard to accept that  I was a completely healthy and functional mother, wife, working full time, socializing, exercising, travelling, dancing, doing all the good things life has to offer, and turned into a vegetable who suffers in bed all day long for close to a year,  just because i took Zoloft short term for chest tightness. If I had some windows of normality, or some improvements that would allow me to function I could probably tolerate this torture. Believe me I am not the kind of person who complains for nothing. 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

All I feel is fear fear fear , a chemically induced unreasonable fear , non linked with any thoughts, just constant fear/dread. It would be funny if it wasn’t so tragic, because before zoloft I didn’t really have any fears or being scared about anything. It’s almost a year since my adverse reaction and I don’t know how much hope I can maintain that I will heal. I think this fear it’s a direct result of the DP, but it’s so strong and crippling that doesn’t allow me to function at all.. I am happy to see people healing after even long term drug use but I feel so sad and hopeless about me that as an adverse reaction I might have to suffer years of this. I was so confident and optimistic I would at least be functional by year one but nope…. Sorry for another negative update but I believe the truth must be told… this way I might save someone else who is considering of trying ADs…. 

[Believer]

Hi @JesusSavemefromWD,

I too have fear/anxiety. I’m so sorry that you are still suffering from it so far after your adverse affect. 
 

I have had it more intensely the past several months, and I have been on this journey for over 5 years. It does wax and wane so I know it will get better, and I believe it will get better for you too. Have you been able to find anything that distracts you from it? I struggle with that but I know it works. I have been watching crafty Youtubers looking for ideas for myself. That has helped me some. Now I need to give some of them a try! A couple of months ago I wouldn’t have even been interested, so I get it if that doesn’t work for you. My councilor has given me many ideas to help me try and give my brain something to focus on, now that I’m no longer working, and it has been a challenge for sure, but it’s been worth trying. I get moments of reprieve.

 

Hang in there. 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

@Believer

thanks for ur message. I am sorry u also suffer from these horrific drugs… unfortunately for me is difficult to distract due to the DP… I can’t believe the torture I have been enduring for almost a year just for few weeks of this Zoloft poison… and the fact that I can’t just go back to it and feel better is just so bizarre…. No way out of it ….I hope u get to feel better as u keep tapering… 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

Just wondering as my one year anniversary off Zoloft is approaching, and I am still being constantly tortured with severe symptoms (depersonalization, depression, anhedonia, inner agitation, fear, mental Akathisia, cognitive issues, extreme fatigue, buzzing head, vision issues, and last couple of months some OCD and insomnia) if I am being wise or stupid to not just go back on the drug. I had bad side effects starting Zoloft but they were a walk in the park compared to the severe suffering I have been going through for a year now since I jumped from 4mg to zero. I know no one can really tell if a small reinstatement would help or make things worst , and it is a gamble. All I know at this point is how much I regret not reinstating within the earlier days… for a whole year I have been living as a zombie, no sense of myself, disconnected brain, no feelings other than fear, no joy , nothing, I can hardly get out of bed. Just for the record, i never had these issues before zoloft, never … most of the symptoms/feelings I didn’t know they we’re possible for a human being to experience. Thank you Pfizer, thank u Zoloft for turning me into a zombie…. 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

I came across this link www.woodymatters.com

it describes how Woody took his one life after just being in 25mg Zoloft for few days …. It was nt a surprise for me that someone took his own life due to Zoloft but what was surprising for me that while on Zoloft he was complaining about the horrible feeling of “his head being out of his body”. This is EXACTLY what I was feeling while on Zoloft . This feeling is worst than even DPDR, it is not livable. It was happening to me On and off and the doctor advised me to increase at 50mg. Woody increase to 50mg as advised and he took his own life. I didn’t increase, I decided to quit , and a year now I am suffering severe site effects, and I see no light at the end of the tunnel. I am sorry about Woody loosing his life on Zoloft and I am sorry about me becoming a vegetable…. I am just so sorry and trying to hold on to life for me kids. I am sick and tired of people saying “there must have been an underlying cause that let to suicide”. No , there has not been an underlying cause for Woody or me, I never had any mental issues , it is solely Zoloft to blame, just for the records. At least some F….ing justice to people like us loosing their life or enduring this unjustified suffering …. 
I am sorry for venting but I am so angry and fed up with this new life of me just because I trusted my family doctor and people around me telling me how safe Zoloft is. They are all out there now having a life while I lay on bed every day suffering and hoping I ll wake up tomorrow and the torture will just be over….. but every day I open my eyes is still there…..

[Overwhelmedlady]

Hi @JesusSavemefromWDI am sorry that you are feeling so bad. I read somewhere that you are a researcher / scientist. Zoloft is not the only drug that causes problems. I took paroxetine and it proved to be poisonous as well. I saw that you posted about Ed White.I had written something shortly after he died.Reading about other people's suicide is quite triggering,always.But it can be specially triggering if the death is related to prescribed medication. I don't think it helps.I understand that you are feeling frustrated and that you want your life back but you are not a vegetable.You can express yourself properly and you keep on reading and doing your own research. I do have many suggestions but I am not going to make them now.I have already been dismissed a couple of times already.I just hope you can find some resources to feel better. If you ever feel like talking to me,feel free to do so.I am no expert in DP and I can't give you any medical advice. We are all struggling here,some people want to go back to their perfect lives,some other have nowhere to go back to.Only an uncertain future,if any.

 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

Thank for the encouragement but this severe DP and feeling out of my head for a whole year now makes me feel hopeless. Yes all ssris can be poisons but I think Zoloft was particularly bad for me cause I was a rapid metabolizer and this tends to creat more problems. Yes I was a neuroscientist working full time before this Zoloft mental murder… I was also a mother, a wife, a friend, an athlete I was just fine …. Now I am bedridden and best case scenario housebound ….I ve lost everything… I don’t want to go into details but when I say everything I mean everything…,,most importantly I lost my peace of mind, I cannot mentally relax for not even a minute…,,,Sorry it’s just there is a lot of anger inside me today ..,,, I do think time heals as eventually but when??.., it’s been a whole freaking year and after just few weeks taking this poison. 

[Overwhelmedlady]

Hi @JesusSavemefromWDYou ARE still a neuroscientist.Why do you speak in the past? Your knowledge is still with you,nobody has robbed you of that,your children are still your children.Whatever your present state/circumstances these are objective facts that will remain solid facts. I am not a scientist or researcher but nevertheless that's were my focus is on at present.I try to read whatever is being published related to AD effects/ withdrawal. I follow Joanna Moncrieff,a British psychiatrist I find brilliant.I also follow a couple of twitter accounts which are very much related to prescribed harm.I watch videos in which these critical psychiatrists appear.I learn and I try to keep my mind busy. You are young and even if you weren't able to fully recover in a short time you still have at least HALF of you life ahead.This is also a fact. You need to explore other options,may be psychotherapy to deal with your suffering.

[JesusSavemefromWD]

Thanks again but psychotherapy doesn’t work if ur brain has been messed up from ADs. I actually tried it and the therapist said it was obviously it was making me worst …. You are supposed to connect with ur innermost during therapy but that’s impossible if ur deeply depersonalized. This symptom is just cut out straight from hell believe me, toping it with mental Akathisia and it’s the most sufficient way to torture a human being. Enough about me though, I am glad to hear ur able to do things to destruct  urself….Keep up the good work towards ur healing 

[Overwhelmedlady]

Hi Dear @JesusSavemefromWD You have made a wrong assertion now.Psychotherapy IS an option, no matter what you were told.You need to find the right person though,and that's not so easy.But it's not impossible.Connecting with your innermost like you said is a process,not something that happens in a few sessions.I can tell you this because I was lucky enough to find an excellent professional without whom I wouldn't be here typing now.Fortunately I belong to a generation who believed in psychoanalysis more than in drugs.I would once again rely on a good therapist if I could afford it,like I did when I was younger.There are also a bunch of psychiatrists who don't prescribe ,mine was one of them.Once again, you need to open your mind and use your resources and intelligence. I can make mistakes when posting my convictions but believe me,I know what I am talking about in this case.NO matter how affected you may be due to the drug ,there are people out there who can help you.These are critical psychiatrists who are not tied to big pharma.