j1290: gets off the Wellbutrin and on with life!

[ChessieCat]

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

just realized if I'm going to reduce on day 25, I might as well go for another 10% rather than 7.5%  So far in my first 3 tapers I haven't found the WD to be very sensitive to the amount I drop, so I don't think the lower number is to my benefit.  If I'm wrong, well, I'm going to find out.  

 

I think it would be better to hold for at least 4 weeks (longer if you are still getting withdrawal symptoms) and when you make the next reduction to reduce less than the % you reduced by last time (7.5%???); maybe try 5% AFTER your symptoms have resolved.

 

Withdrawal symptoms can accumulate.  If you keep going too fast then there may come a time when the withdrawal symptoms become really bad and you will need more than the closed office door and biting your tongue to deal with it.  There might be different symptoms which are harder to cope with and they might take longer to resolve.

 

Getting off a psychiatric drug is not a race.  The aim is to get of the drug with minimal discomfort and to live your life as normally as possible.

[ChessieCat]

One withdrawal symptom which you want to try and avoid is insomnia.  Insomnia is a very common withdrawal symptom.  When you have insomnia, other withdrawal symptoms feel so much worse and it can make it hard to cope with everything.

[j1290]

DAY 11  4/10 Brain activation/fog/slight irritability and lockup.   Annoying but nothing out of the ordinary.   Tomorrow should be better.   

 

Thanks for the advise, ChessieCat!   I didn't realize that insomnia was so common as a side effect of WD.   

[ChessieCat]

Here is SA's topic:

 

tips-to-help-sleep-so-many-of-us-have-that-awful-withdrawal-insomnia

 

[j1290]

Brassmonkey, I'm dissolving 37.5 mg of IR Wellbutrin(splitting a 75mg tablet) in 80ml of water, and removing 20ml for what I hope is a 9.375ish mg reduction.   

 

Am I doing this right?   I was taking the entire 80ml (full 37.5mg) for about a week or so before I began to taper that 20ml amount.   In that week I didn't feel any side effects due to the change to a liquid at all.  

 

Seems like it should be working, the IR Wellbutrin is supposed to be the one to use for a liquid taper, but I don't know what I don't know.  I thought I read a bunch but I don't know what solubility rate is, for example.   

 

If you have any thoughts, I'm all ears.   Thanks for your time!

[j1290]

DAY 12  Today was better, not great.  3/10, brain activation, pressure, the usual.  Felt a little silly and creative tonight, which is 100% on track with my other drops.  If that continues, tomorrow should be an easier day, which would be awesome.   

I thought at 2.5% this drop would be easy in comparison to my 10% drops, but I haven't found it to be substantially better, at least from my notes.   Whatever, good to know.  Based on experience, the next few weeks should be a little easier.  

 

Thanks so much, ChessieCat!   I actually have a white noise machine I forgot all about and just plugged it in.  That's going to be a real help.   I need to get one for the office.

[Thorin]

Hey mate, glad things are improving a little. Are you thinking that if 2.5% is as bad as 10% you’ll just try the 10% again after you’ve stabilised?

[j1290]

DAY 13 Long day.   Finally over the hump, most of the day 2 or 3/10, creative, clear minded, etc etc.   My hope is that I'll feel more or less like this when I'm off of these meds, because these are the best I get.  Coincidentally I'm going to a show with an old friend in a couple days, and it's matching up with my good days, which is a pleasant surprise.  

 

@Thorin

Thanks for stopping by!  Yeah I'm going to do about 10% next drop and see if the WD is any different, because this 2.5% feels about the same, according to my records. 

[j1290]

DAY 14  Defo over the worst physical stuff for the moment.   Next up, emotional adjustment.   3/10 locked head/pressure/etc just like last reduction.  Predictable WD side effects are a comfort.   From June '21 to '22 I didn't know what was going on, so I'll take predictable  but uncomfortable any day.   I have to keep reminding myself that, slow as it is, I'm making progress.  

[j1290]

Alright I thought I'd update daily because the 2.5% withdrawal might be different than any other one and I'm not seeing that, plus I'm bored of hearing my own repetitive rants.   DAY 15+16 were more or less identical to the last reduction at that time, somewhere around a 2 or 3/10 of the head pressure and whatnot symptoms. 

[j1290]

Just a quick update, DAY 21 here. Last few days have been rough, and today especially so.  I started wearing a headache hat and I tell you what, if my head pressure w/d symptoms are a 4/10, if I put on the hat they're down to 3/10.  That's a big drop for only the side effect of having messed up hair.   

 

My WD symptoms have gone off script, they're not matching the previous drop for the last few days, symptoms have been significantly stronger.   My best guesses as to why are 1) maybe not getting all the active ingredient from the liquid solution.  I've been throwing in the 1/2 pill in the water over night, and noticed a white film on the bottom of the jar from the pills.  Maybe instead of leaving it overnight I should just throw the half pill in there the morning of and stir it around to dissolve so it doesn't have time to stick to the bottom.  

2) My second guess is that maybe because this was a small drop, only 2.5% vs the previous drops that were 7.5 and 9.5% approximately, that I am back to WD Normal a few days quicker than before, and frankly 4/10 side effects are my WD Normal.  Last year after I tapered to 365 IR where I'm at now, I reinstated to the full 450 in the hope that these side effects would go away, and they actually got worse at 450mg IR, even after 6 months of holding there.   

 

I'm going to do my best not to catastrophize this and move forward.  Somehow, despite the odds, I'm able to work to a good enough standard to keep my job, and I've kept my irritability to myself for the most part, which is a small miracle.   Next time I taper I may just drop the liquid altogether for a 7.5% drop, and eliminate  it as a variable.  I'm also kicking around the idea of holding an extra 4 weeks at 300mg when I get there, if I can tolerate the side effects.   I don't expect a significant drop in side effects at 300mg, but it would be nice if they dropped from a 4 to a 3, for example.   

[Thorin]

If I could provide any advice based on my own experience of withdrawal is to just hold where you’re at for a bit until the withdrawals subside a bit. Best thing I have done was just hold for a bit and see that I could acclimatise. 

[j1290]

DAY 23 Just another quick update.  Yesterday was 4/10, today was 3/10.  I think I'm just back at WD Normal.  No big deal.  

On 11/17/2022 at 12:29 AM, Thorin said:

If I could provide any advice based on my own experience of withdrawal is to just hold where you’re at for a bit until the withdrawals subside a bit. Best thing I have done was just hold for a bit and see that I could acclimatise. 

Thanks!  After spending a year and a half on this taper, there are always still new surprises.  I just have to be flexible.  

[j1290]

DAY 24  Pleased to note that today is a 2/10 so far on the symptoms.  They're annoying, headaches/stimulation/head on fire, seems like I have different times in the day I get chemically irritable(to own it, probably just an exaggeration of my own irritability), and there it is.  Nice to have a few hours where it's not a struggle, yanno?  I'm only slightly frustrated that this 2.5% drop was not substantially easier than 10%.  Lower is lower, and I guess I'll find out soon enough what the next 10% drop will feel like.   Not gonna lie, I used to be super freaked out about this stuff.  When I started 1.5 years ago, I didn't have any idea what I was getting into, although I suspected it would be difficult.   I'm sure there are lots of surprises yet to be uncovered, but I have some evidence to back up my theory that I'm on the right track at the moment.   My bad days are substantially better than they used to be, and I have quite a few good days, too.  My hope is that trend will continue as my dosage comes down.   I don't think the taper will get necessarily easier, in fact I expect I'll have to reduce very small amounts as I get to lower dosages, but I think my WD Normal will improve, so holds between reductions will be easier.   Right now they're still higher than I can comfortably tolerate.   I also theorize that at 300mg my WD Normal will feel a bit better, and at 150mg beyond that.   150mg seems like a dream, but I guess getting to 300 mg sounded like that a few months ago, and I'm looking at getting there before you know it!

[j1290]

Just a quick note.  Finding myself agitated and nervous, jumpy, top of head burning, irritable.  Went through my Daily Withdrawal Checklist notebook and saw that this is exactly how I feel around day 24 of a taper.   Then I remembered that last year at around this time, I was at 450mg IR and felt like this, along with a lot of other symptoms.  I still got through work and the holidays somehow.   Remembering these facts headed off momentary panic and catastrophizing.   

 

That daily Checklist has probably been the single biggest asset to my taper regime, although everything I've learned helps.   I carry that big 3 ring binder along with me to work and back every day.   

[j1290]

DAY 4 of a 10% drop.   I wanted to take advantage of the holiday, since the first 8 or so days of a reduction have had the most WD side effects.  Previously I'd reduced on Fridays, but after studying my journal, the first 2 or 3 days didn't really have the most NSFW side effects, so I changed it up and reduced on Monday and worked through the first 3 days.  It was different, and worked great.  Days 4-9 or so are generally the least work friendly so I scheduled to keep those during the holiday, I go back to work on day 8.  Not perfect, but I've worked through WD and side effects many times before, and I'll be fine.   

 

So far, the first four days after a reduction feel better than my WD Normal.   Mornings generally are better than afternoon and evenings, so I get a little false hope that my day will feel great.  I mention that to keep my expectations in check.  

 

I unsuccessfully got to 360mg last August, so if I can stabilize at 327 I'll be really happy.  That would mean next reduction I'd be down to 300 mg, or  2/3rd of my 450mg starting dose.  It's a psychological thing because they bumped me up from 150mg to 300 to 450, so getting to 300 means a full step back.   

 

I feel great this morning.  I think part of it is I'm less surprised or alerted by the side effects of vivid sensations, head pressure, etc.  Normalizing those sensations has been the key to me getting here.  I also try to really appreciate the good hours that I have during the day.  So that's what I'm off to do.  

[RachelSusan]

@j1290I am glad things are going good for you.  You certainly seem to have figured out how to taper. I know you look forward to hitting your goal. It will be great.

[j1290]

1 minute ago, RachelSusan said:

@j1290I am glad things are going good for you.  You certainly seem to have figured out how to taper. I know you look forward to hitting your goal. It will be great.

Heyyyyyyy RachelSusan!   Such a pleasure to have you drop by!  Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving (if you're American) and hope things are going well in your world!  

 

At least I kinda *sound* like I know what I'm doing, right?    It only took a year of doctors visits, piles of tablets, untold hours of research and tanking my career to become an overnight success  LMAOOOOOoooo!!!!  ::laughing emoji::   It's been 100% worth it.  I'm sure there will be lots more turns in the future, but at least for now I think I'm on the path.      

 

All the best, friend!

[RachelSusan]

@j1290

Heyyyy to you. Yes, thanksgiving here. Not doing too much though because I had a set-back with a taper that I am going through. And as much as I love my family the last thing I could do today is be around a lot of people with a lot of noise.  I don't know if you have sound sensitivity but I have it really bad.

 

Tanking your career due to your withdrawal?  I can totally see that happening to any of us here. Withdrawal can render us non-functional. I know it has left me confined for days when I was in the thick of it.

 

You ARE on the right path. You will get there.

[Thorin]

@j1290 Glad you're doing well! If I understand correctly this is the lowest you've gotten on the Wellbutrin taper? This means you'll never be on a higher dose of Wellbutrin than you are on now, ever. Well done! I don't discuss it much on here but I know what you mean about career tanking (well not tanking) but it's a real struggle as you well know. I've just been offered an opportunity that would be fantastic if I was well. But because I'm so all over the place with functioning I can't take it. Maybe in a few years when I'm off meds completely..... Or maybe things will stabilise as I start my much slower taper next year.....

 

@RachelSusan I can completely understand not wanting to be around noisy family. It's difficult! I've visited the states twice in my life but have never experienced thanksgiving. All the food always looks amazing! 

 

 

[j1290]

49 minutes ago, Thorin said:

@j1290 Glad you're doing well! If I understand correctly this is the lowest you've gotten on the Wellbutrin taper? This means you'll never be on a higher dose of Wellbutrin than you are on now, ever. Well done!

Thanks, man!  I don't rule anything out, of course, but for the moment this is the least medicated I've been in a very long time.   The fact that I'm feeling noticeably better, with reduced side effects like headache/pressure and things today, suggests I'm on the right track.   It's exciting.

55 minutes ago, Thorin said:

 I don't discuss it much on here but I know what you mean about career tanking (well not tanking) but it's a real struggle as you well know. I've just been offered an opportunity that would be fantastic if I was well. But because I'm so all over the place with functioning I can't take it. Maybe in a few years when I'm off meds completely..... Or maybe things will stabilise as I start my much slower taper next year.....

Oh yeah, man, it's no joke!  I've been at this job for decades and this summer they called a meeting to discuss my future LOL. I was having cognitive and memory issues due to really severe WD, and it showed.   I managed, but only just, and I can read the writing on the wall, I'm done with this company.  I knew that losing my job was a possibility before I started tapering, but it's worth the risk to me, because now is the time for me to do this.   Also, like my great grandmother used to say, **** happens when you party naked.  I'm doing this. 

 

I know what you mean, I'm pursuing some dream job opportunities, and honestly I don't know if I could perform if they were offered to me due to my diminished capacity.  I've got a room full of regrets and disappointments, so I'll just send these in there and move forward.  

 

Maybe I'll get a better job, maybe I won't, but I am down 27% from my starting dose and nobody can take that away from me.   For a guy like me, that's worth everything.  

 

You said it, Thanksgiving is kinda like Christmas without presents, and it used to have a religious overtone to it that it doesn't so much anymore.   It's a *super* stressful event, and if anybody hears that you're not going to a Thanksgiving dinner, they want you to come to theirs, it's a weird phenomenon haha.  

[Thorin]

@j1290 that’s an interesting way to look at it (percentage down from starting dose) I’ve just done mine. I’m down 65% from my starting dose for Lurasidone and down 81.25 % from my starting dose of clonazepam. I have been holding both for a few months now with a failed attempt at dropping the Lurasidone by >10%. Not long ago I was feeling pretty damn good but in a real wave now….. but I know this will pass!

 

I’ve been tempted to try stopping work but I’d have to live on my credit card which isn’t a good idea so I push through….. sometimes it’s a positive to have something good to do to pass the time and I feel useful being able to do my job. Glad you’re feeling well!

[j1290]

23 hours ago, RachelSusan said:

@j1290

Heyyyy to you. Yes, thanksgiving here. Not doing too much though because I had a set-back with a taper that I am going through. And as much as I love my family the last thing I could do today is be around a lot of people with a lot of noise.  I don't know if you have sound sensitivity but I have it really bad.

 

Tanking your career due to your withdrawal?  I can totally see that happening to any of us here. Withdrawal can render us non-functional. I know it has left me confined for days when I was in the thick of it.

 

You ARE on the right path. You will get there.

How did I miss this yesterday?!?   Funny you should mention that, I went up to the store yesterday and my head started ringing like a bell when there were so many people talking and so much noise haha!  I felt fine - by myself - but around all that activity was a different story.   Last year I went to Christmas with WD probs and frankly maybe I shouldn't have.   I totally hear you about being selective about group activities!!  

 

Oh yeah, I wouldn't suggest tapering for career enhancement, that's for sure!!   I'm OK with my decision.  It's a shame I couldn't taper and be a better co-worker, but it has to be.  

 

I appreciate the encouragement, as always, and wishing you the best with your taper!  Stay strong!

18 hours ago, Thorin said:

@j1290 that’s an interesting way to look at it (percentage down from starting dose) I’ve just done mine. I’m down 65% from my starting dose for Lurasidone and down 81.25 % 

  Those are incredible percentages, congratulations!   I wish I had some advice for you.  Figuring out how to taper from one med, Wellbutrin, took me a year to figure out.  The doctors weren't much help, so I basically did tons of research online and tried out a million different things until I found one that seems to work for now.  Hang in there, man.  You'll figure this out too!  This tapering business is messy, NGL.  I hear you about work.  Frankly it distracts me from thinking about my WD side effects, and like you said, I feel useful.   It can be frustrating due to chemical induced irritability, but that's all part of the fun haha.  I tell myself when this is all over I'll be able to do a better job and be a better coworker and friend to others, including myself.  It's all worth it not to have to think about these pills everyday, if nothing else.   

 

@Thorin Did you think that you were taking a lot of meds, or did you think it was no big deal?   I was maxed out on Wellbutrin and Effexor, had no idea I was heavily medicated LOL   I just thought I had to take these things and didn't think twice.  

 

BLOG

DAY 5  Quick day 5 update, I feel relatively great, all things considered.   That may change as irritability tends to set in towards the evenings.  Overall, this last 10% reduction has been a piece of cake so far.   Maybe it's because I know what symptoms to anticipate so it's not a mystery, maybe because I have more tricks to cope with side effects(headache hat, I'm looking at you), and maybe it's just a cumulative effect of being less medicated in general.  I had all the usual side effects, but they were all more tolerable.  I was honestly dreading this reduction because that last 2.5% reduction kicked me in the shins, but so far so good.   Maybe the other shoe will drop and I'll get heavy WD, but I'll risk saying it aloud that my best guess is no, it won't.  I'll really be interested to see how things go with the next 10% drop.  My experience with Effexor was that it got more difficult the lower I went, so that's my expectation.   

[Thorin]

@j1290 I did think I was on lots of meds and it concerned me a lot. I would question the doctor that put me on them (particularly the benzos) and he would convince me that it was no big deal and to take them. I just assumed there was something really wrong with me. It wasn’t until I was forced to see a new doctor who showed me that i had been misdiagnosed and that I needed to stop taking benzos that I started to question things. It’s been a horrible ride. There have been good things too such as kids/partner/good aspects of life but in terms of mental health and meds it has been hell. The best thing I have done is start therapy but even that took me going through three crap therapists before i found a good one. But this one’s great. I think you said you’d done a bunch of intensive therapy and that’s when you decided to come off meds? Good to know it helped!

[Thorin]

@j1290 have you tried EMDR or IFS? If so did they help for you?

[Thorin]

2 hours ago, j1290 said:

I tell myself when this is all over I'll be able to do a better job and be a better coworker and friend to others, including myself. 

It awesome you can stay positive. It’s definitely the approach to take

[j1290]

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

@j1290 I did think I was on lots of meds and it concerned me a lot. I would question the doctor that put me on them (particularly the benzos) and he would convince me that it was no big deal and to take them. 

Very similar to my experience.  Luckily when he started prescribing Benzos, I knew from reading stories here to be very, very careful with them.  One of the few things I got right.  

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

@j1290   even that took me going through three crap therapists before i found a good one. 

Good on you for sticking with it!   Best thing I did was audition 4 or 5 therapists before picking one to work with long term.  I've found it extremely hard over the years to find one I trust.  Also, good on you for getting a new doctor!  I've had the same one for 15 years probably, so I never had a second opinion about these psych drugs in all that time.  

Yes, been doing a lot of therapy, but the stuff that has been really helpful for me has been EMDR weekly.  I never knew it was possible to have relief from trauma and PTSD symptoms.   I'm far from perfect, but doing much better than I used to.   

 

For whatever it's worth, as an outsider, it sounds like you're really on a healthy trajectory.   

[Thorin]

1 minute ago, j1290 said:

Yes, been doing a lot of therapy, but the stuff that has been really helpful for me has been EMDR weekly

That’s so good to hear. I do EMDR at times with my therapist. I find it very taxing but it actually seems to work. Later on the trauma doesn’t impact me as much. I did it about 2 weeks ago on a massive trauma and that’s part of what led me back into a wave. I know I just need to keep at the therapy and I will come out of it. IFS seems helpful too if a little ‘woo woo’ if I think about it too much.

4 minutes ago, j1290 said:

For whatever it's worth, as an outsider, it sounds like you're really on a healthy trajectory

Thanks, it’s good to hear that stuff actually. When you’re in amongst the muck it can be hard to step back say ‘actually, on average I’m doing better than I was last month etc’.

 

5 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Luckily when he started prescribing Benzos, I knew from reading stories here to be very, very careful with them.  O

You made the right decision to stay away from benzos! While they’re extremely effective at suppressing anxiety, stress etc the hooks and side effects are equally as powerful. If anyone asks me whether they should take benzos I tell them to find another way!

[Thorin]

@j1290 how does your irritability manifest? Snapping at people when you shouldn’t sort of thing. I can definitely relate to that. Can be very hard to feel myself in at times and just sit with the frustration or whatever is making me irritable. 

[j1290]

  

8 minutes ago, Thorin said:

@j1290 have you tried EMDR or IFS? If so did they help for you?

Not familiar with IFS, but I'll google it.  Yes on EMDR, and it's been a game changer for me.  Therapy has been useful in make small tweaks to my life and to talk about stuff, but EMDR has helped me resolve trauma that would express itself in weird ways like social anxiety and nervousness, etc.  I still have those things, I'm a work in progress, however I can talk about events with detachment that previously had me dissolve in a puddle of tears.  That deep despair is what led me to ADs to begin with.   I'm not fixed or anything, but I'm much, much better.  

 

>It awesome you can stay positive. It’s definitely the approach to take

Keep in mind that's my public face, so take it with a grain of salt, but I do mean it.  I really will be a better co worker, but likely not at this job!  Once in a while I have a good-ish day, like today, and it's all worth it.   

 

>I find it very taxing but it actually seems to work. Later on the trauma doesn’t impact me as much.

100% my experience.   The process is honestly exhausting, but after a year of it, I can't remember the last time I really broke down in session.   That well of pain in my chest that caused me to drink years ago and get on ADs is now just a puddle.   Never would have guessed that was possible, I just didn't have a clue.   

 

>how does your irritability manifest? Snapping at people when you shouldn’t sort of thing. I can definitely relate to that. Can be very hard to feel myself in at times and just sit with the frustration or whatever is making me irritable. 

 

Usually I have a headache and brain activity and it's on fire and I get really grumpy and shove papers around my desk and curse my computer out loud and throw up my hands in frustration(my office is virtually sound proof, which helps).   

 

It's been pounded into my thick head that my #1 goal at the office is to preserve my relationships, so I go to great pains not to snap at anybody even when I want to, take a breath or two before I reply and say the opposite of what I want to LOL!!!  It's not easy to do, and I surprise even myself when I do it, but I haven't had to apologize to people in a minute, and the last time I did it was only for griping out loud about my computer and putting that negative energy out there, not anything harsh to a coworker.  I've worked with a coach for many years about office communication, and it's paid off.   I used to be a bull in a china shop at the office, didn't have a clue what I was doing haha.  It's all a game, and I used to take it seriously.  I still fall back into that thinking sometimes, especially when I'm in WD.  

 

What do you do when you're irritable?   

 

>While they’re extremely effective at suppressing anxiety, stress etc the hooks and side effects are equally as powerful.

 

Never heard it said that way before, but it makes perfect sense.  I have to think they're extremely tough to get off of.     

[Thorin]

17 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Not familiar with IFS, but I'll google it.

Internal Family Systems. It seems a bit woo woo but it’s everywhere and people swear by it. When I do it I come out feeling very soothed and more at peace with myself.

 

18 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Yes on EMDR, and it's been a game changer for me

I haven’t done heaps of EMDR but each time I’ve done it it’s made a massive impact. It’s clearly doing something. This last trauma I did it on was pretty bad and the symptoms that arose from it were equally disturbing. I’ve barely had the symptoms since I did that session. It’s been a very rough couple of weeks as the dust settles from that session though. I think that session will help me be a better parent though which is very important to me.

 

20 minutes ago, j1290 said:

social anxiety and nervousness,

I can absolutely relate to this. Hoping these lessen as I process the trauma.

 

21 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I'm not fixed or anything, but I'm much, much better.  

So glad to hear this. That’s my goal also.

 

22 minutes ago, j1290 said:

That well of pain in my chest that caused me to drink years ago and get on ADs is now just a puddle.   Never would have guessed that was possible, I just didn't have a clue.   

Ok, I still feel that wall of pain except since starting ‘the work’ it has softened and I can now penetrate it and sit amongst it. I can hold it and sometime have empathy for myself even while feeling the pain. Previously I only knew to suppress it with medication, alcohol and drugs.

 

24 minutes ago, j1290 said:

get really grumpy and shove papers around my desk and curse my computer out loud and throw up my hands in frustration(my office is virtually sound p

What’s wrong in expressing anger and frustration if you’re not hurting anybody? I’d say this is much better than suppressing it.

 

25 minutes ago, j1290 said:

It's not easy to do, and I surprise even myself when I do it, but I haven't had to apologize to people in a minut

Mate that takes tremendous strength! It sounds like your work should be supporting you. Not discussing your future in meetings….

 

what do I do when I’m irritable? I admit I’ve felt a lot of anger in my life (probably often rightly so, but not always!). I’ve learned to zip my lips when I first get angry (i still sometimes fail but I’m getting better and better at this). Walk away, breath, do some exercise (this is a big one) but most importantly wait! The anger doesn’t always go away but it fades to a level where I can think logically. Then I approach people differently depending on who they are (boss, partner, child etc). I make sure I speak calmly, I validate their point of view, I explain what it is I’m struggling with, I ask if there’s anything I can do better, I tell them how I’m feeling. Sometimes it’s not appropriate to do this and I just have to sit with the feeling which is the worst….. but it always settles after a time and I start to feel better. And with some people I just don’t say very much because I know I won’t be able to keep the irritation out of my voice. That can be pretty hard when it’s a work colleague and you have to work closely with then. The main thing is not reacting externally and waiting before I respond to something (which I do most of the time)

 

[j1290]

DAY 6  Overall, 4/10 headache, irritability.  In the future I'll try and schedule Day 6 to be over a weekend, because it was *extremely* nice to just chill today, wear my headache hat, take naps, and not interact or try and work.  Something is really different this last drop.  My symptoms aren't as intense as the last 3 reductions.  I'm still having them, of course, but I'm not as off balance as I would have expected to be, less paranoid and less racing thoughts.  I'm also having fewer involuntary shudders, and they're less intense.   I've been having those for 15 or 20 years, usually when I'm about to fall asleep.  Really weird to have them become milder, because they tend to get stronger during a taper.  

 

Call me crazy(hah!), but I suspect I'm starting to feel the results of being significantly less medicated, since I'm near 300mg which is the next step down from the 450 I started my taper at.  I'm kinda shocked, because since I started this taper in June of '21, I've only felt greater side effects due to switching to the Instant Release version. Pretty weird, but great.  I just might be able to get off this stuff after all.   

[Thorin]

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

work.  Something is really different this last drop.  My symptoms aren't as intense as the last 3 reductions.

John that’s awesome to hear. Maybe it’s a sign your CNS is healing overall and definitely a sign you’re on the right track 👍🏻

[j1290]

9 hours ago, Thorin said:

John that’s awesome to hear. Maybe it’s a sign your CNS is healing overall and definitely a sign you’re on the right track 👍🏻

Stranger things have happened!  I'm trying to take it as it comes and not worry about tomorrow, which is fairly unlike my past history.  Must be that EMDR working!!!  

[j1290]

DAY 7  Quick update:  oof.  Had to bust out the headache pills.  Day 7 is one of the tough ones.  In the next few days things should get easier.  In the future I'll be sure to schedule this day during a weekend.  I've certainly worked through it before, it's not ideal.  Tomorrow should be rough, and over the next few days after that things should ease up a bit.   I feel like my timing on this reduction was great concerning work.  Today has been the toughest day of this drop, and the truth is I got through it just fine.  In my notes on previous reductions for Day 7 I've clearly not been in the greatest condition, and I'm not today either, but certainly better I think.  The headache hat is the greatest invention ever.   

[Thorin]

Seems like you’re reminding yourself that you got through the really difficult days in the past which is probably the best way for you to get through it. Keep letting us know how you’re going. You’ll get there!