j1290: gets off the Wellbutrin and on with life!

[j1290]

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

Sounds like a good plan. I’m hoping I can tolerate my next cut of 3.57% and increase after that. Many people have said they go slower at lower doses but I’ve also read of people going faster at lower doses. Have to wait and see I guess.

 

People can go faster sometimes?  That would be awesome!  I've been looking at these studies, and long story short it mirrored my experience, that I was able to taper Effexor faster at the beginning, but very slowly at the last 75mg or so.   I'm hoping Wellbutrin might be easier since it's an atypical AD, but who knows.   

 

You said it, I'll let my body determine how fast I go, ultimately.   Whenever I tapered too fast, I thought I could tough it out, but I always lost and had to reinstate.   Hope I learned my lesson.

[conkaia]

On 1/5/2023 at 8:30 PM, j1290 said:

I popped into your intro thread.  How's things for you these days?  You feeling stabilized?  I think that's the first question I ask myself in the morning, and before I go to bed at night.  

Hey would be good if there was a voice message function on here, would love to hear your Scottish accent lol.  Thanks for replying and posting the Emotional spirals link, I'll definitely check that out.  Its a relief to learn this is a thing and I've not turned into a hormonal monster overnight!

 

Do you feel EMDR is helping?  I'm definitely retraumatised by this recent brush with prescribed harm.  But I don't feel I'm in the right place for therapy right now; I need to wait until I've sustained a period of stability.  I'm constantly monitoring myself to check whether I'm back to my old self.  But I'm becoming increasingly doubtful I'll ever revert to the person I was before this.  However I do feel more in control of the symptoms, and I hope I'll emerge from this like a butterfly from a cocoon lol.

[conkaia]

On 1/5/2023 at 11:36 PM, Thorin said:

Hi, I can definitely relate to the moodiness. Feel like my family are saints for not giving me a hard time about it. And I’ve definitely had periods of rage although that’s eased a lot. Had a bad experience yesterday which I now realise was an emotion spiral/emotional flashback. I think it gets easier however you may still have to deal with any underlying emotional stuff that caused you to go in meds in the first place. I’m finding therapy is helping with this.

Hey I'm glad to hear its passed for you, this gives me hope!  I've not been as bad this weekend, maybe because the festive season is over.  That was a struggle as I was FURIOUS I couldn't enjoy it like I would normally.  I'm also raging, as I'd dealt with all my issues and was doing just fine until WD.  Its like everything bad that's ever happened comes back and hits you tenfold and any previous coping skills just don't cut it.  I may well need therapy when the biological stuff has settled, time will tell.  Right now I'm just trying to take one day at a time.  My mood is generally low, and my confidence and lust for life has gone, I really hope it comes back.

[Thorin]

1 hour ago, conkaia said:

Hey I'm glad to hear its passed for you, this gives me hope!  I've not been as bad this weekend, maybe because the festive season is over.  That was a struggle as I was FURIOUS I couldn't enjoy it like I would normally.  I'm also raging, as I'd dealt with all my issues and was doing just fine until WD.  Its like everything bad that's ever happened comes back and hits you tenfold and any previous coping skills just don't cut it.  I may well need therapy when the biological stuff has settled, time will tell.  Right now I'm just trying to take one day at a time.  My mood is generally low, and my confidence and lust for life has gone, I really hope it comes back.

It’s amazing that you said that. My childhood stuff just came out of nowhere and hit me really hard once I started tapering. I’m sure WD makes my childhood stuff more difficult, particularly the intrusive thoughts. I’ve found the therapy really helps  me work through stuff so I figure if this stuff is going to come up I have no choice but to face it head on (been running from it my whole life). I think the therapy is helping but it’s hard to know when it could just be I’m doing better on a lower dose of medication…… you’ll know of you need therapy in the future. People have said that WD makes you revisit your entire life and then it settles down once you’re out the other side of WD.

[littlebird]

Quote

My childhood stuff just came out of nowhere and hit me really hard once I started tapering.

Saw that line in the activity log, @Thorin, and wanted to pop in to say same! With tapering, the rough childhood is rearing up big time. Like it was frozen all these years by numbing meds, and is roaring back to life to be processed and dealt with. 

 

Necessary, and oh so hard. Solidarity, y'all! Right there with you. Something that helped a lot was compassion-based therapy, and learning to speak to myself with less "tough love" and more actual love. That's just my journey, though! It became clear I was worsening my experience by being really harsh with the ole self talk. 

[Thorin]

37 minutes ago, littlebird said:

With tapering, the rough childhood is rearing up big time. Like it was frozen all these years by numbing meds, and is roaring back to life to be processed and dealt with. 

This! This is exactly my experience. I’m glad you dropped by and shared that it was your experience as well. And roaring is an excellent way of phrasing it. It just started screaming at me and welling up and the only thing I could do was pay attention and try to do something about it. It’s hard work and I have a lot of respect for anyone that tries to address their shadow.

 

41 minutes ago, littlebird said:

you. Something that helped a lot was compassion-based therapy, and learning to speak to myself with less "tough love" and more actual love. That's just my journey, though! It became clear I was worsening my experience by being really harsh with the ole self talk. 

I’m hear you. For the first time EVER in my life and I am trying to feel some love towards myself. It’s not easy but it feels so much better than the alternative when it works. I’m glad you’re doing the hard work. My gut tells me it gets better if we work hard at this stuff in spite of how hard it is.

[Thorin]

3 hours ago, j1290 said:

these studies, and long story short it mirrored my experience, that I was able to taper Effexor faster at the beginning, but very slowly at the last 75mg or so

This is what I’m expecting and given I will be dropping to 13.5mg (started at 40) I’m wondering if I’m hitting the point where I’ll have to go slow

 

3 hours ago, j1290 said:

ver I tapered too fast, I thought I could tough it out, but I always lost and had to reinstate.   Hope I learned my lesson.

I have learned I cannot tough it out when it comes to WD. If I don’t listen to my body I’ll fail. I think if I be patient and listen to my body then eventually I’ll be off this muck and this chapter of my life will be behind me.

[Thorin]

3 hours ago, conkaia said:

My mood is generally low, and my confidence and lust for life has gone, I really hope it comes back.

I can relate to this really well. The tiniest beginnings of my confidence is just starting to return and the lust hasn’t returned yet but my desire to get out and about has increased recently. It’s the beginnings of getting better. Unfortunately I still have to taper off two meds so assume I’ll get worse again but with a proper taper I’m hoping it’s nowhere near as bad as it has been. And good to know my baseline is ‘ok’ and that over time you return to baseline of some sort.

[j1290]

3 hours ago, conkaia said:

Hey would be good if there was a voice message function on here, would love to hear your Scottish accent lol.  Thanks for replying and posting the Emotional spirals link, I'll definitely check that out.  Its a relief to learn this is a thing and I've not turned into a hormonal monster overnight!

That's hilarious LOL!!!   One of the best things about this site is just knowing I'm not unique or alone in this fight.   Other people have the same symptoms as me.  

 

3 hours ago, conkaia said:

 

Do you feel EMDR is helping?  I'm definitely retraumatised by this recent brush with prescribed harm.  But I don't feel I'm in the right place for therapy right now; I need to wait until I've sustained a period of stability. 

EMDR has helped for the trauma that frankly got me on ADs in the first place.  I've been nervous and anxious my whole life, and a great deal of that has improved.  Talk therapy never touched it.   I've been in rough shape due to tapering related issues, and still do EMDR.  Even if it's not perfect, it's much better for me than not going.  In fact I think I've done all my hardest work during heavy WD, but it just has to be.   

 

3 hours ago, conkaia said:

But I'm becoming increasingly doubtful I'll ever revert to the person I was before this. 

I hear that!  Not gonna lie, in the year of my failed taper I was as close to despair as I'd ever like to get, not being able to get stable, poor work performance, etc. It was a lot of work, but eventually I found my way.  You will too!!!

[j1290]

DAY 11  Not gonna lie, I've never missed going to work so much in my life.   Today I was knocked out with fatigue and head stimulation.   100% par for the course, nothing out of the ordinary, but a distraction would have been really nice.  I definitely seem to be having less vivid dreams and emotional stuff going on.  This isn't improving as fast as I would like, but it's improving.  4/10 symptomatic.  

[Thorin]

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

DAY 11  Not gonna lie, I've never missed going to work so much in my life.   Today I was knocked out with fatigue and head stimulation.   100% par for the course, nothing out of the ordinary, but a distraction would have been really nice.  I definitely seem to be having less vivid dreams and emotional stuff going on.  This isn't improving as fast as I would like, but it's improving.  4/10 symptomatic.  

Not sure I’ve seen you over a 4/10 since I started in here last September. Wow it’s only been just over 3 months. Feels like much longer. Think I’ve been holding at this dose about 5 months total with one failed drop late September when I joined up here.

[j1290]

16 hours ago, Thorin said:

Not sure I’ve seen you over a 4/10 since I started in here last September. Wow it’s only been just over 3 months. Feels like much longer. Think I’ve been holding at this dose about 5 months total with one failed drop late September when I joined up here.

haha thanks for noticing!  On my scale 3/10 is WD Normal and headache management, 4/10 is a unstable day.   I haven't had a day higher than that since I began this taper, and trending towards less 4s, which is a really nice thing.    If I start getting 5s or more 4s, then I think I'll have a good idea I'm tapering too fast.  Really excited to see if WD Normal feels better for this drop, and next cut will get me over the halfway mark, if I can tolerate it.   I guess we'll see!

[Thorin]

2 hours ago, j1290 said:

haha thanks for noticing!  On my scale 3/10 is WD Normal and headache management, 4/10 is a unstable day.   I haven't had a day higher than that since I began this taper, and trending towards less 4s, which is a really nice thing.    If I start getting 5s or more 4s, then I think I'll have a good idea I'm tapering too fast.  Really excited to see if WD Normal feels better for this drop, and next cut will get me over the halfway mark, if I can tolerate it.   I guess we'll see!

That’s great although I’m sure it’s still not easy. I’ve been allocating my days as bad, moderate or ‘ok’. Will post a line graph in a bit I think.

next drop gets you over the halfway mark? You’re flying through this and smashing it! Well done!

[j1290]

2 hours ago, Thorin said:

That’s great although I’m sure it’s still not easy. I’ve been allocating my days as bad, moderate or ‘ok’. Will post a line graph in a bit I think.

next drop gets you over the halfway mark? You’re flying through this and smashing it! Well done!

You've inspired me to do some more data tracking.  Next drop will get me half way, Lord willing, however it's the second half that's the hard part 😆😂  

 

As best I can tell my tapers are pretty consistent.   I feel like I'm pretty accurate with my overall daily rating.  

[j1290]

DAY 12  Pretty happy with my new graph!  This one might be a little easier for me to understand. Somedays are a little better, some a little worse.  My best guess is the most accurate way to judge changes is against the taper previous to this one.  Nothing earth shattering here. 

 

Anyway, another not so great one, with that certain light headedness that I don't favor, 4/10.   On the plus side, Almost half way through this taper, and by my count I should only have 3 or 4 more days that are a 4/10.   I can get through that.  Plus I spent the better part of a year feeling like this, a few more days are nothing.   When I get to a 2/10 WD Normal, I'm going to take an extra month and hold.   I don't anticipate that being this cut, but defo hold after the next one regardless and let everything settle.   

[RachelSusan]

@j1290 I have always loved a good graph. This is magnificent.

[j1290]

4 minutes ago, RachelSusan said:

@j1290 I have always loved a good graph. This is magnificent.

Haha you're the best, RS!   Glad you like my graph 😳🤗😎  It was fun to make.  

[Thorin]

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

You've inspired me to do some more data tracking.  Next drop will get me half way, Lord willing, however it's the second half that's the hard part 😆😂  

 

As best I can tell my tapers are pretty consistent.   I feel like I'm pretty accurate with my overall daily rating.  

Nice graph. Crazy how similar each month is for you. Makes sense though if you think about it. I’ll be curious to see this in another few months when you get to a lower dose

[j1290]

6 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Nice graph. Crazy how similar each month is for you. Makes sense though if you think about it. I’ll be curious to see this in another few months when you get to a lower dose

Thanks, mate!   The second version I think is a little clearer.  If you hadn't suggested it, I never would have thought to make one.   Studying the data, the best I can come up with is I'm having less emotional/psych side effects as I taper, the physical WD has lengthened in duration and maybe intensity, but the WD Normal has gotten easier.   I'd bet I'm more right than wrong, but it's of course a moving target.  Would be nice if the physical symptoms got easier, but not seeing that so far.   

[Thorin]

11 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Thanks, mate!   The second version I think is a little clearer.  If you hadn't suggested it, I never would have thought to make one.   Studying the data, the best I can come up with is I'm having less emotional/psych side effects as I taper, the physical WD has lengthened in duration and maybe intensity, but the WD Normal has gotten easier.   I'd bet I'm more right than wrong, but it's of course a moving target.  Would be nice if the physical symptoms got easier, but not seeing that so far.   

So two areas have decreased in difficulty and intensity and one area has increased in difficulty and intensity. I guess it makes sense that as you come off the meds your mind will be effected less. To me it also makes sense that your body would be crying out for the drug more as you remove more of it. Eventually I imagine your body will acclimatise. 

[SonSetFree]

Hi j1290!  Read through your thread and feel like I know you now LOL!  Great job on the charts.  I'm impressed with your discipline to keep the records going.  

 

So what's the verdict on the extra 10% drop...are you feeling worse or too early to tell?  

 

My wife is 18mos into CT and it has been a rough journey.  I am on here for her benefit largely because she is sensitive to interaction with screens (tv, laptop, etc.) but also because it is overwhelming for her to absorb all the information.  Not to mention the scary stories!  

 

Question: I see in your signature you were on Heritage/Avet manufacturer and you changed from them.  What was the issue you were having?  My wife is using the same manufacturer and having problems with the last prescription refill where she started seeing some pretty intense WD symptoms resurfacing.  Suspect there may be quality control, variation from batch to batch happening.

 

 

 

 

[j1290]

48 minutes ago, SonSetFree said:

Hi j1290!  Read through your thread and feel like I know you now LOL!  Great job on the charts.  I'm impressed with your discipline to keep the records going.  

LMAO I'm always surprised anybody reads this boring thread LOL  I used to be funnier.   I gotta keep up.   Daily Withdrawal Checklist made it all possible.  It's a tool/hobby/escape.  

 

48 minutes ago, SonSetFree said:

So what's the verdict on the extra 10% drop...are you feeling worse or too early to tell?  

Day 13 and I'm feeling exactly like I felt on Day 13 of my previous cut, possibly a little better.  My best guess is I'm fine in the short term, but who knows in the long term with rebound and whatnot.  

 

48 minutes ago, SonSetFree said:

My wife is 18mos into CT and it has been a rough journey.

Really sorry to hear that, brother!  I have more sympathy for you both than I can say.  I spent a year with heavy symptoms trying to figure this thing out, I have to think that's a walk in the park compared to CT.   It was just so hard to find my way.   

 

48 minutes ago, SonSetFree said:

but also because it is overwhelming for her to absorb all the information.  Not to mention the scary stories!  

Oh, you mean Doom Scrolling?!?  LOL yeah no doubt.  People wind up here frequently in crisis(myself included), and my guess of human nature is people don't return to update once things get better.   Have you seen this leaflet?  There's a thread about it in the Tapering Forum, but it's a good overview I wish I'd read.  I know what you mean, there really is all the info that I needed on this site, but I had to invest a lot of time to sift through it to find what is pertinent to me.  I've spent more hours here than I can count, and it was 100% worth it.  

48 minutes ago, SonSetFree said:

I see in your signature you were on Heritage/Avet manufacturer and you changed from them.  What was the issue you were having?

I had no idea that there were differences between generics when I got into this thing.  Doing some Googling I found that generics for Bupropion have a mixed track record.   I personally was having severe headaches on the Avet, that increased to flu like symptoms of sore joints, etc.  That was the end of my unsuccessful taper, as I spent a few months trying to find some stability by reinstating a 300mgXR GSK and a 150mgXR GSK.  For me they worked better than the generics, until I transitioned to Apotex IR that still gives me headaches, but they can be managed.  After so much turmoil and instability I've stayed with the Apotex, despite it being imperfect, because at least I can get a steady supply and I can't bear to make another brand change after doing so many.  

 

My previous pharmacy had switched me from Heritage (which I had similar side effects to the Apotex) to Avet, which I couldn't tolerate.  I asked to get the Heritage back again and they told me they merged with Avet, but who knows if they were correct or not.   HoneybeePharmacy hooked me up with the Apotex, I pay $50/month out of pocket, and I always have a consistent supply of a brand I can at least work with.   

[j1290]

DAY 13  This intro with daily updates has turned out to be super handy.  I can just search for day 13 and find an elaboration of what I put in my notes, which is really nice.  Besides, I can't really talk to anybody IRL about this stuff except my therapist, and he's supportive but doesn't know anything about this.  

Got some job stuff brewing in the background, my vacation will be over very shortly.  Feeeling much better today, less of what the experts call light headedness that I call loosey goosey because it comes with a shutdown of the filter that keeps my internal dialogue from escaping.  Got a job call today and wish I'd handled some things a little better but whatevs, it's not the end of the world.  Anyway overall I was better than yesterday and felt at least a little bit in control of my wits, which is such a relief.     

I always say this, can't wait to do the next drop.  Unless something changes I'm going to cut another full pill, which should get me a little below half my Beginning Dose.   I'll do an extra long hold there to let my CNS catch up and hopefully I'll be at a low enough dose for it to be less of a struggle day to day.   As always I'll pivot as necessary.  Maybe I'll feel weird and need to go slower, who knows, but in theory I'm still within my comfort level of risk, it's still just an educated guess though.  Only one way to find out.   I feel like David Banner do experiments on himself to try and stop from becoming the Hulk.  Does that date me? LOL

 

It's a wobbler, but I'll give it 3/10, vivid dreams, pretty clear mind and mostly in control of it.  

[FireflyFyte]

Wanted to stop by your thread and leave some support and a kudos on the graphs!

[j1290]

DAY 14  Definitely feeling better today.  Surprisingly it's a 2/10 day.  Yesterday and today have been substantially better than my last cut.  Some emotional stuff in the morning, vivid dream, was a little emotional last night, but today is pretty good.  That makes 4 days this cut that are better than the previous, and one that was worse.  Seems like a trend.  No idea if it's significant in the big picture, but I'm not going to complain about feeling better.  I'm definitely getting less head lockup and irritability overall.   At least at this point I feel like the taper is going pretty well.  

 

After my next cut, I'll be down to 2.5 pills / day from 6, which is 105 less pills per month.  Looking forward to that extended hold and hopefully feeling significantly less medicated.  

[SonSetFree]

Thanks for the reply, I appreciate your sympathies and info on generics.  We need to decide if we are going to change.  She seems to be starting to stabilize some and would hate to rock the boat with another change.  
 

Man that’s great news you have had 4 pretty good days compared to a month ago.  We’ll take the win and not worry about the future for now! 
 

Just resist the urge to go full tilt and cut faster.  It will catch up to you.   I wouldn’t exceed 10% every 2 weeks.  
 

Routing for you. 
 

 

 

[j1290]

11 minutes ago, SonSetFree said:

She seems to be starting to stabilize some and would hate to rock the boat with another change.  

I hear that.   Glad to hear things are possibly becoming steady.  I switched it up so much last year, I won't change anything unless it's an absolute must.   

 

15 minutes ago, SonSetFree said:

We’ll take the win and not worry about the future for now! 

Well said.  I'll enjoy the moment.  

 

16 minutes ago, SonSetFree said:

Just resist the urge to go full tilt and cut faster.  It will catch up to you.   I wouldn’t exceed 10% every 2 weeks.  

Appreciate the reminder.  It's all to easy to feel better and want to go faster.   I'll do my best to pump the brakes.  

 

Thanks for the support, and wishing your wife a speedy recovery.   Best of luck to you both.  Please keep us posted when you can!

[Thorin]

Hey mate. How’s tricks. Just wondering if you have anything in place for dealing with work stress while you’re tapering?

cheers

[j1290]

14 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Hey mate. How’s tricks. Just wondering if you have anything in place for dealing with work stress while you’re tapering?

cheers

 

Hey man, how are you?  

 

That's a great question.  I don't have anything special planned other than the usual exercise, fresh air, and socialization, all of which can be tough to do.  I'm doing a later shift so it should in theory be easier with fewer interactions, one of the reasons I'm doing this job.  Having some privacy while going through WD is a godsend.  

 

How about yourself, do you have any techniques or strategies that you find useful?  You bring up a good point, I should take it to the next level and find some way to be kinder to myself through this.  

 

DAY 15  Improved over last month on day 15, 3/10 overall.  Symptoms were mostly milder, but I was up till early in the morning because I took a nap yesterday so I'm a little out of it.  As yesterday, the trend of feeling less medicated, less side effects of the med like brain lock and headaches held up today as well.  According to my records tomorrow might be bumpy, but after that should be smooth sailing with the occasional rogue wave.   I still feel a less in control than I'd like, but I know I will get that back soon enough, and I haven't had to take headache pills for a few days, which is fantastic.  I've been doing this 5 months now and I'm not gonna lie, after that long hold last month I forgot how intense the WD gets.  I won't be sad a bit if I'm over the hump and things are easier for the next few weeks.  At the risk of celebrating early, I'm really glad that's over LOL

[Thorin]

2 hours ago, j1290 said:

That's a great question.  I don't have anything special planned other than the usual exercise, fresh air, and socialization, all of which can be tough to do.  I'm doing a later shift so it should in theory be easier with fewer interactions, one of the reasons I'm doing this job.  Having some privacy while going through WD is a godsend.  

Hey man, I’m ok. Had a tricky few days but am all good now I think. All the things you’re doing sound like they’d work. Same as you I get to limit my interactions with others as I work from home. I do still have to attend zoom meeting etc though 😒

2 hours ago, j1290 said:

How about yourself, do you have any techniques or strategies that you find useful?  You bring up a good point, I should take it to the next level and find some way to be kinder to myself through this.  

I’m doing breathwork, hot/cold showers, walks, eating healthy but am thinking I’ll need to ramp up the exercise to some proper cardio on days where I can. Not sure what else I can do but am on the look out for useful tools. I have the Claire Weeks book that everyone on here raves about on its way.

 

2 hours ago, j1290 said:

Improved over last month on day 15, 3/10 overall.  Symptoms were mostly milder, but I was up till early in the morning because I took a nap yesterday so I'm a little out of it.  As yesterday, the trend of feel

Sounds like you’re doing well despite the increased reduction. Good job! Glad things are going relatively well. I’m excited for you.

[j1290]

4 minutes ago, Thorin said:

I do still have to attend zoom meeting etc though 😒

I used to do those but, funny thing, the camera "broke"😉.  I think the OS needs re-installed, I'll have to get right on that when I get some time🤣  I also put postit notes over the lens with important notes on them.  For deniability LOL

But yeah of course it's not a good strategy long term to be lone ranger around the office, but for my situation it's pretty great.  That's how I got off Effexor, working nights.  I was really hard to handle coming off that stuff.  

 

7 minutes ago, Thorin said:

I have the Claire Weeks book that everyone on here raves about on its way.

 I got a fancy stationary bike where you do group classes that look like a discotech and I ride to like Britney Spears😋😏 and whatever other silly music they play.  Keeps it fresh.  

I never read her book but I had a Claire Weeks CD I used to play ages ago before I'd go in to a super stressful job.  I sure could have used EMDR  back then, but for simpler practical techniques, she's the best.   I can hear her voice in my head like it was yesterday.  I wish I could have met her.  She comes across so kind and brilliant.  Let me know what you think of her book.  

 

24 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Not sure what else I can do but am on the look out for useful tools.

Ever read the Fear and Anxiety Workbook off of Amazon?  That helped me through that stressful job.  It gives good techniques for handling panic attacks and whatnot.  I used to keep index cards with notes on them and read them to myself at my desk when I was losing it LOL  It's funny now but it sure wasn't then.  

 

26 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Sounds like you’re doing well despite the increased reduction. Good job! Glad things are going relatively well. I’m excited for you.

I'm glad I did it and it was right for me, but I did 10 billion hours of research before coming to my decision LOL  I think you said it, at the end of the day, our body is the final boss.   Things really are, ever so slowly, improving.  You bring up a good point, though.  Maybe going forward I'll increase my hold to 6 weeks instead of 4.  We'll see how I feel after the next cut and I do an extended hold.  I think I'll be somewhere in the vicinity of decent feeling. 

 

Thanks man, I'm excited too.  Going down some emotional rabbit holes, but nothing excessive, it's par for the course for this part of a taper.  Such a crazy process.  Getting closer to the exit every day, my friend!

[Thorin]

35 minutes ago, j1290 said:

used to do those but, funny thing, the camera "broke"😉.  I think the OS needs re-installed, I'll have to get right on that when I get some time🤣  I also put postit notes over the lens with important notes on them.  For deniability LOL

But yeah of course it's not a good strategy long term to be lone ranger around the office, but for my situation it's pretty great.  That's how I got off Effexor, working nights.  I was really hard to handle coming off that stuff.  

Haha I may have to accidentally’break’ my camera too. It’s much easier when there’s just a black screen. I typically’perform’ pretty well in these meetings but it’s requiring more and more effort. I think I need to change the way I approach them. Can you tell me more about the Effexor withdrawal symptoms? When I was coming off it I only had about 1/4 of the beads in the capsule per day left and the withdrawals hit bad. I then received a couple of diagnoses and was put on stronger meds….. I remember one day I must’ve got below I certain amount of Effexor in my system and EVERYTHING felt too real, overstimulating and overwhelming. My knuckles were white from the experience. Sounds we’re too loud, light was too bright. It was crazy. About 2 weeks later I received some knew diagnoses and stronger meds including Xanax for the severe anxiety. Wish I knew then that it was all from coming off Effexor. Wish the Dr had realised too…… 😠

35 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I got a fancy stationary bike where you do group classes that look like a discotech and I ride to like Britney Spears😋😏 and whatever other silly music they play. 

This sounds great. This would be an awesome way to blow off stress. A long time ago I used to do spin classes at a gym. I loved it….. been toying with the idea of going back to the gym for a while actually.

35 minutes ago, j1290 said:

never read her book but I had a Claire Weeks CD I used to play ages ago before I'd go in to a super stressful job.  I sure could have used EMDR  back then, but for simpler practical techniques, she's the best.   I

This! I’m looking for things that will get me through until I can properly address the underlying issues in therapy….. can you remember who the anxiety workbook was by? I’ll have a look at it.

35 minutes ago, j1290 said:

at the end of the day, our body is the final boss.   Things really are, ever so slowly, improving.  You bring up a good point, though. 

Absolutely, our bodies will guide us better than anything on this journey. I’m really glad you’re improving man. I am too, sometimes when things get bad it can be hard to see. Over the weekend I had to finally address some REALLY difficult and painful things. I felt like I was back at the start and hadn’t progressed at all. Truth be told, it was incredibly painful and did really knock me about but a couple of days later I’m doing ok. Vastly different from how I used to be. I actually let myself feel everything and processed it….. 

37 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Maybe going forward I'll increase my hold to 6 weeks instead of 4.  We'll see how I feel after the next cut and I do an extended hold.  I think I'll be somewhere in the vicinity of decent feeling. 

You’ll know what feels right as you go…. I have no doubt. Feeling decent will be nice!

38 minutes ago, j1290 said:

too.  Going down some emotional rabbit holes, but nothing excessive,

Man did I ever do this over the weekend 🙄

38 minutes ago, j1290 said:

process.  Getting closer to the exit every day, my friend!

That we are. Good that we can share the journey with other good people. I feel like it helps make the goal ‘achievable’. I’m not sure I would’ve made it this far without the people one here….. maybe I would have but this site has definitely brought comfort and good advice.

[j1290]

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

It’s much easier when there’s just a black screen. I typically’perform’ pretty well in these meetings but it’s requiring more and more effort.

You said it, it's a performance, and when I'm in WD my poker face ain't so good LOL   

 

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

Can you tell me more about the Effexor withdrawal symptoms?

Man, I don't wish that on anybody.  It took me at least 3 years, maybe closer to 5.  I don't know how I did it.  What I mainly remember was the out of control irritability, that I'd have for around 2 or 3 weeks.  Right now on bad days I avoid others because I don't feel well and I might be difficult or speak unguardedly, but WD on Effexor and I was outright argumentative and disagreeable and just way, way out of sorts.

 

 

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

I remember one day I must’ve got below I certain amount of Effexor in my system and EVERYTHING felt too real, overstimulating and overwhelming

I crashed and tapered too fast on that stuff so many times it's not funny.   It was just viciously hard.   I kinda remember stuff like that.  I think the last 75 beads I could reduce 2 or 3 at a time, then finally could only do one tiny bead every few weeks.  I didn't take any other pills like xanax or anything, either.  I think I could have done that whole taper better, but c'est la vie.  Dang, sounds like you really went through it!  Heck yeah I bet you got some new diagnosis!!! haha More than a few times I had to go see a doctor in full WD because I ran out of those things.  Freaked out more than one doctor but thank heaven they didn't give me new meds.   They always acted like it was impossible for Effexor to cause severe WD, like they'd never seen it before.  

 

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

used to do spin classes at a gym. I loved it

That's what they are, spin classes at home!   I bet it's so much more fun to do at a gym.  It's super expensive here, like $35/class US, which equals $2,934 Aussie dollarydoos 😔😉   I just sent a friend down under a few bucks tonight and couldn't believe the exchange rate.   Made me look like a high roller 😅🤭

 

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

This! I’m looking for things that will get me through until I can properly address the underlying issues in therapy….. can you remember who the anxiety workbook was by? I’ll have a look at it.

Since you didn't grief me for calling you mate, I have some links.  Here's Dr. Claire Weekes, I've turned a few people on to her CDs.  I had the name wrong, it's the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook  It's not EMDR but it was sure a lot better than nothing when I needed help.  At that time I didn't have a clue about this stuff, didn't even know what a panic attack was.  Those two sources made it a lot less scary.  Little did I realize the massive amount of Bupropion I was on contributed to that panic.   

 

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

Over the weekend I had to finally address some REALLY difficult and painful things.

I used to day drink to get over my social anxiety and to repress memories.  So I got off booze and switched to heaps of ADs 😂🤔  I guess you don't get a DUI on ADs at least, but I have opinions about that whole process.  That's a long way of saying good on you.  Friendly reminder that you set the pace of these investigations, I encourage you to hit those brakes whenever it feels overwhelming.   I didn't understand boundaries so I would just get reckt in heavy sessions.   It truly will get easier, my man!   I never realized how affected by trauma I was, that was all I knew.   Relief has really been a blessing.   

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

Man did I ever do this over the weekend 🙄

Ruminating over my self created horror movies in my mind is my natural state.  I always thought it was normal LOL  The good thing is when you become conscious of it, it's no longer so comfortable.  

 

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

maybe I would have but this site has definitely brought comfort and good advice.

A burden shared is a burden halved.  You said it, this site doesn't make tapering easy, but it makes it achievable.  Lots of good people and good suggestions have made this possible!

[j1290]

DAY 16  I've been waiting to get to this day for, well, about 2 weeks 😆  It's the hump day of my taper, and just like last month, it was bumpy.  The head pressure and activation was more than I could take, had to use a prescription drug medley to get through the day.  Getting a pattern of mood elevation in the morning, then the heavy brain activity and pressure, and the emotional stuff, etc.   Nothing unusual.  Last month's WD were at about a 3/10 past day 16, but previous tapers were some months good, some months not.  I'll cross my fingers and hope for the best and ride it out for another 2-3 weeks before I taper again.  This is inconvenient for now but one day this will be in the rearview mirror.  

 

Today was a 4/10, no big deal.

[littlebird]

3 hours ago, j1290 said:

This is inconvenient for now but one day this will be in the rearview mirror. 

Trying to have this attitude as well and think of the future! I was also thinking about how I’ve been through rockier times with withdrawing from meds, and if I can work the ole coping skills and push through, I’ll get through this as well. Fingers crossed it’s an easy taper for you!

[Thorin]

22 hours ago, j1290 said:

You said it, it's a performance, and when I'm in WD my poker face ain't so good LOL   

I hear that. Had a zoom meeting with two clients and actually did quite well today. Professional (ish) mask intact! Little do they know what’s going on behind the scenes lol

22 hours ago, j1290 said:

I think the last 75 beads I could reduce 2 or 3 at a time, then finally could only do one tiny bead every few weeks.  I didn't take any other pills like xanax or anything, either. 

Man that’s kinda horrific. Sounds like it took a hell of a lot of strength to get off! Which you did!

22 hours ago, j1290 said:

That's what they are, spin classes at home!   I bet it's so much more fun to do at a gym.  It's super expensive here, like $35/class US, which equals $2,934 Aussie dollarydoos 😔😉

Haha it’s much cheaper than that here. I used to love it. Really pushed myself and would feel great afterwards. $35US a class is a ridiculous price. I can get a full gym membership here for $19AUS (dollarydoos) a week here….. then other things here are much more expensive than in the U.S…. Food, booze etc.

22 hours ago, j1290 said:

you.  Friendly reminder that you set the pace of these investigations, I encourage you to hit those brakes whenever it feels overwhelming.   I didn't understand boundaries so I would just get reckt in heavy sessions. 

Good advice. I tend to ouch myself too far in an effort to get through it all quicker. Honestly doesn’t work….. it’s difficult to be patient though when you just want to be feeling good….

22 hours ago, j1290 said:

sessions.   It truly will get easier, my man!   I never realized how affected by trauma I was, that was all I knew.   Relief has really been a blessing.   

Every time you say how much it’s helped you I get a wave of relief and hope….. I’m really lucky my therapist is amazing and really dedicated. Lucked out there.

22 hours ago, j1290 said:

Ruminating over my self created horror movies in my mind is my natural state.  I always thought it was normal LOL 

Slowly slowly getting better at this (I say after just spending a bunch of time doom scrolling about Benzo withdrawal 😂😒)

22 hours ago, j1290 said:

A burden shared is a burden halved.  You said it, this site doesn't make tapering easy, but it makes it achievable.  Lots of good people and good suggestions have made this possible!

Absolutely, I know one person outside of here that’s been through WD and that’s it. Sounds like her WD (although very bad) we’re not as bad as what most experience on here. This place is both a much needed outlet and source of comfort through the people on here. Invaluable.