j1290: gets off the Wellbutrin and on with life!

[j1290]

2 hours ago, Thorin said:

Seems like you’re reminding yourself that you got through the really difficult days in the past which is probably the best way for you to get through it. Keep letting us know how you’re going. You’ll get there!

Thanks bro!  Yeah now I realize why I used such choice language in my WD journal on Day 7 LOL!  You said it, I got through it before, I'll get through it again.   It's totally worth it because I get a bunch of good days once I get past this part.  

[j1290]

DAY 8 rough as predicted, but I got through with half a Clonidine for the headaches.  I was in a bit of a stupor and really sleepy, but I got through, and today was easier than yesterday.  Fingers crossed, things should get a little smoother going forward, as Day 8 is the hump day.   Planning my next drop so I'm in the sweet spot of WD over Christmas.  

 

Just looked at my old blog on PaxilProgress from 2013 when I tapered Effexor.   I did a really nice job writing that, much funnier than I am today.   I also did a reallllly haphazard job of it.  I tapered too fast and did all sorts of things wrong.  Go figure.  

[Thorin]

20 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I also did a reallllly haphazard job of it.  I tapered too fast and did all sorts of things wrong.  Go figure.  

Impressive that you still did it then. Strength of character!

[j1290]

DAY 9  Little bumpy today but really picked up after I took a nap in the afternoon. Next few days should be better too, things seem to be right on track.   Starting to get to the emotional part of the recovery.   Truth is, I'm getting through this, and next reduction, I'll be down around 35% from the starting dose.  I think my estimate is right, that the reduction in WD side effects is proportional to how much I've reduced, and I should start feeling noticeably better when I've reduced 70% or so.  I'm going to try not to worry about it too much till then.  

 

It's hard to be patient, but it only makes sense that doing this slow, 10% per month, gives the best chance to stick and not get a rebound 6 months after the last drop.   I feel like the emotional stuff is getting worked out every drop, so it's not as likely to all hit me at once.   I will defo give myself some extra hold time when I get down to around 50% or so and side effects are more comfortable.   

[Thorin]

53 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Next few days should be better too, things seem to be right on track.

That’s good man. A bit of peace makes it worth it.

 

54 minutes ago, j1290 said:

reduction, I'll be down around 35% from the starting dose.  I think

Wow you’ve come a long way!

 

55 minutes ago, j1290 said:

but it only makes sense that doing this slow, 10% per month, gives the best chance to stick and not get a rebound 6 months after the last dr

Absolutely, better to get there slowly than not at all.

 

56 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I will defo give myself some extra hold time when I get down to around 50% or so and side effects are more comfortable. 

Are you still getting side effects from the med itself as well as the withdrawal?

[j1290]

26 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Are you still getting side effects from the med itself as well as the withdrawal?

Hey @Thorin, how you holding up now?  Yeah the instant release pills I have to take are harsh compared to the extended release, but those have their own side effects so I think it's a wash.   I'm at 327mg, when I get to around 150 things should be substantially easier, but I'm greatful for the the relief I have now.   

[Thorin]

28 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Hey @Thorin, how you holding up now?  Yeah the instant release pills I have to take are harsh compared to the extended release, but those have their own side effects so I think it's a wash.   I'm at 327mg, when I get to around 150 things should be substantially easier, but I'm greatful for the the relief I have now.   

It’s good to know it will get easier as you go down. Bit of extra motivation I imagine. I’m substantially better than I was yesterday (do not want a repeat of that!) but still feel fairly fragile if I’m honest. Also not sure what tomorrow will bring which causes some anxiety as I’m sure you can understand. I’ve taken a short amount of time off work and just going to practice radical self care for a week or until I feel better/resilient again. I read on another post that someone got their worst ever wave and it was hell but after that they had a dramatic upswing in how they felt. Hoping that’s the case here but who really knows with this stuff. It seems to take it’s own course. I appreciated you checking in while I was down. Makes it that bit easier. Please feel free to message me or tag me if you’re struggling and need a hand. I’d be happy to be some support if needed. Cheers

[j1290]

8 minutes ago, Thorin said:

but still feel fairly fragile if I’m honest.

 

Oh man, I hear that!   A bad day of WD makes me feel like I just ran a marathon, wipes me out.  

 

14 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Hoping that’s the case here but who really knows with this stuff

I feel the same way.   It's all so fluid. I feel like I tested a million theories and I'll have to try a million more before I'm done.   

 

27 minutes ago, Thorin said:

I’ve taken a short amount of time off work and just going to practice radical self care for a week or until I feel better/resilient again

 I had 4 days off work for Thanksgiving, scheduled my reduction so the worst days were at home, and even though they were rough it was divine to be able to just lounge around and make my way through them without the stress of work demands.   Felt like a day at the beach, all things considered.   

 

29 minutes ago, Thorin said:

I read on another post that someone got their worst ever wave and it was hell but after that they had a dramatic upswing in how they felt.

Hope you get that upswing!  

 

35 minutes ago, Thorin said:

I appreciated you checking in while I was down.

No worries, bro!  I appreciate you checking up on me too.  This website makes tapering less isolating.   Looking forward to your next update!

[Soup]

@j1290 I am getting ready to transistion  from 150 mg xl (1 daily pill ) to 150 mg IR ( 3 x 50 mg pills daily ) I was wondering how your transistion went ? Did it change your symptoms drastically ? Did you have an uptick then it settled ? I appreciate anything you can share  very much .  

[j1290]

@Soup

Hi Soup!   Great to hear from you.   Feel free to ask any questions you'd like, my introduction is meandering to say the least.   This is my experience after being on the generic XL for 15 years, and I switched to IR 1.5 years ago.   

 

Long story short, I found it rough for a week or so when switching from XL to IR, and for me the everyday symptoms on IR are more intense.   The IR has allowed me to successfully taper down, including making a liquid solution.   One thing I also had to find a generic that worked for me, which took a few tries.   

 

Does that answer your questions?  

 

 

[Soup]

@j1290 thank you for kindly responding to my inquiry . So it made the symptoms you already had more intense ? Or did it give you new ones as well ? Did it give you any Akathasia type symptoms during the transition ? My biggest fear is the IR will rev me up more ….. thank you for sharing 

[j1290]

39 minutes ago, Soup said:

@j1290 thank you for kindly responding to my inquiry . So it made the symptoms you already had more intense ? Or did it give you new ones as well ? Did it give you any Akathasia type symptoms during the transition ? My biggest fear is the IR will rev me up more ….. thank you for sharing 

@Soup

I should have mentioned that I switched from 450mg XL to 450mg IR.   Currently I'm at 327mg of the IR, and the symptoms seem to be a little less.   

 

I didn't get any new symptoms, no Akathasia as far as I know, but yes it made the current symptoms harsher and the transition was not easy for around a week.   That's just my experience, I'm at a high dose.   I might have had a different experience if I was taking a smaller one.   

[Soup]

@j1290 I am scared to make the transition as I have a mild form of Akathasia right now and don’t want to aggravate it but then maybe I have it because of the Wellbutrin . It’s the unknown that is the one that plays the most with my mind . 
You are doing a great job getting off be very proud of yourself and thank you for your time in answering my questions 

[j1290]

1 hour ago, Soup said:

It’s the unknown that is the one that plays the most with my mind . 

@Soup

I hear that.  I had to try a lot of different things to find something that works.   Super scary!

[j1290]

DAY 10 I'm re-writing this because it was too boring.   Told my therapist it's easy to plan your tapers down to the work safe days, you just need to have 100s of pages of daily WD symptom checklists to reference.   I gotta be an amateur scientist.  He asked me if it was neurotic behavior, I don't think I'm dilligent enough for it to be that, I just write down the broad symptoms without too much intensity.  Anyway today was a 3/10 window day, I'm still lethargic and dull witted but everything feels a little more sharply in focus rather than having so much cotton in my head.   Glad I kept on schedule tapering despite this new job and made a reduction, glad I took this on last summer despite the hassles with my regular job because I gotta look out for myself, no reward for sacrificing my goals.  I'm staying on track for the holidays, will schedule my taper so Christmas is on my good days, I hope.  I'm going to try to get a couple more reductions in before I hold for an extended time as was suggested to me every 6 months.  

[Thorin]

I saw on the post before you changed it that you’re starting to feel things more? This is both fantastic and can be hard work. Make sure you’ve got lots of coping skills and lean on your therapist as much as you need. My feelings came back after being mostly numb and it was pretty overwhelming.

 

being on a lower dose means you’ll start to get less side effects associated with taking the me d but may get more withdrawals just go slow and hold if you need to. If I hadn’t held where I did I’m sure I would be back in the meds just to make the withdrawal stop. I’m sure you’ll be fine if you go slow though so no stress.

[j1290]

31 minutes ago, Thorin said:

My feelings came back after being mostly numb and it was pretty overwhelming.

I hear you, I'm glad this is slow so I'm not getting too much too soon.  The pace I'm going appears to be tolerable, as far as the emotional stuff goes.  It's just weird.  

 

35 minutes ago, Thorin said:

being on a lower dose means you’ll start to get less side effects associated with taking the me d but may get more withdrawals just go slow and hold if you need to.

I think this summarizes the best advice a person could get concerning a taper.   The whole reason I started this was to reduce the side effects, so I'm really excited to get to a lower point with those.   I swear my general anxiety has gone down since I began reducing.   I remember my doctor telling me Bup would be more activating, little did I know what that meant!   

 

40 minutes ago, Thorin said:

I’m sure I would be back in the meds just to make the withdrawal stop.

Been there, wouldn't wish it on anyone.   I've tried to tough it out against heavy WD and lost every time LOL

 

45 minutes ago, Thorin said:

I’m sure you’ll be fine if you go slow

I'm hopeful.  I got off the Effexor with no long term rebound or anything, and that took around 3 years.  I guess anything could happen but I'll do my best to put myself in a good position to succeed by going slow.   

[Thorin]

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

tolerable, as far as the emotional stuff goes.  It's just weird.  

How would you say it’s weird for you? It’s been weird for me also. I’m the beginning an emotional would come into my mind and then I’d realise I hadn’t felt that emotion for a long time and couldn’t feel it at all anymore. I’d start to think about that feeling a lot. Then it would slowly come back. That happened a bunch of times. Other times I could ALMOST feel a feeling but not quite, the feeling would very gradually come through stronger and stronger. This is still happening.

 

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

I swear my general anxiety has gone down since I began reducing. 

On my main med I would get strong anxiety all the time. Now it comes and goes and I feel it differently. When I’m feeling good I seem to have very little anxiety. Be interesting to see where I’m at when the tapers are finished.

 

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

I'm hopeful.  I got off the Effexor with no long term rebound or anything, and that took around 3 years. 

So you’ve been through this before? I think you’ve got no worries long term then. It’s just a matter of minimising the fallout as you reduce and once you’re off, if you go slow enough you’ll be absolutely fine. I’ve come off plenty of meds before and looking back I’ve definitely been through severe withdrawals in the past though I didn’t realise that’s what it was at the time. But I’ve always still been on one med or another. Never completely med free. You can see from my signature the rollercoaster of meds since I was 16. I’m very excited to think that I might feel much better off all meds as many people report. I’m well below the lowest therapeutic dose of both meds I’m still taking so I’m assuming that I’ll be fine off them all together. I also have therapy and better coping skills than I’ve had in the past. 

[j1290]

 

58 minutes ago, Thorin said:

How would you say it’s weird for you? It’s been weird for me also.

You said it better than me, but since I feel less frozen due to the med reductions my emotions just feel fuller.  Like I caught myself in a more fulfilling laugh the other day, like who even knew that was possible?  I also get some weird visual sensations, something going on with my senses.  Just weird.  

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

I’m well below the lowest therapeutic dose of both meds I’m still taking

Oh man, I remember those days on the Effexor.  It was literally the hardest part, and if I hadn't lived it, I wouldn't have believed that such a tiny amount of medicine could cause so much WD.  

 

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

So you’ve been through this before?

Kinda.  I got off the Effexor, but I was still taking Wellbutrin.  This is the least medicated I've been in a very long time, however.   Some of it is pretty fun, like the emotions.  Really looking forward to having a clearer mind, I hope.  

[Thorin]

14 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Really looking forward to having a clearer mind, I hope.  

Me too. I steadily got foggier and more forgetful over the last few years. I’m starting to get a similar experience to that i mentioned of thinking about the emotion and then it slowly started up. But it’s memories of being able to think clearly and concentrate. Hopefully that means that side of things is about to start improving. So crazy how this works, the brain slowly healing itself.

[Thorin]

17 hours ago, j1290 said:

fuller.  Like I caught myself in a more fulfilling laugh the other day, like who even knew that was possible?

That must be a good feeling.

 

17 hours ago, j1290 said:

also get some weird visual sensations, something going on with my senses.

Can you explain a bit more? I’ve been getting a few sensory issues as well. Particularly sensitive to sounds which has actually been going on for some time

 

 

I realised last night that even though I’m below the lowest therapeutic dose of my meds I still feel the Lurasidone kick in when I take it. Guess it’s still effecting me and probably will until it’s gone from my life. Hopefully after that I can start to forget about this whole experience.

 

Hope you’re doing alright and that the WD are not too bad at the moment.

[j1290]

DAY 11  4/10 symptoms Rough day at work this morning and in my personal life, emotional and head symptoms, overall a rough day.   That said, better than I was when I started, and I made it through, so it's a win, really.  Nobody said it would be easy.

 

2 hours ago, Thorin said:

Can you explain a bit more?

Something is going on with how my body processes senses, now and then.  It's particularly noticeable with visual abnomalies, I'm sure there are better terms but it's a little like vertigo I guess.  Sometimes I'll hear someone talk or a car horn or something and it makes my head spin, just weird responses.  

[Thorin]

15 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Sometimes I'll hear someone talk or a car horn or something and it makes my head spin, just weird responses.  

Interesting, I get something similar when I look too close at people sometimes now (I know that sounds weird). Trying to do things I liked before that are now too stimulating like tv etc gives me a strange sensation in my head and chest and I can’t quite feel the emotional response I used to get.

 

18 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Rough day at work this morning and in my personal life, emotional and head symptoms, overall a rough day.

Sorry to hear that man. I think from your posts things like that only seem to feel rough for a few days at most? A few weeks after each taper you seem to pick up again. Hang in there

[Thorin]

Hey mate, noticed you’re a bit quieter than normal. Assuming the withdrawals are rough at the moment. Hang in there. You’ll come out the other side. You have every other time.

[j1290]

DAY 12   4/10 Emotional with additional creativity and brain stimulation/pressure/uninhibitedness/Irritability, aka I get frustrated and can't stop myself from saying stuff I should have kept to myself.  Overall I did fine at work, all things considered.  

 

6 hours ago, Thorin said:

Hey mate, noticed you’re a bit quieter than normal. Assuming the withdrawals are rough at the moment. Hang in there. You’ll come out the other side. You have every other time.

Hey man, how are you?!?  Yeah some days I just don't feel like talking.   Personal/work drama as well.   All in all things are fine.  Things should be easier for the next 10 days or so.  As always, looking forward to the next reduction.  Hope things are good with you, will hop to your intro this weekend and check up!

[Thorin]

13 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Overall I did fine at work, all things considered.  

Hey man, that’s good. Sounds like a hard day.

 

13 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Yeah some days I just don't feel like talking.

That’s completely fine too. We all feel like that at times.

 

14 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Hey man, how are you?

Still improving which is good. It’s gradual but noticeable.

 

14 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Personal/work drama as well.

Made even harder when in WD!

 

15 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Things should be easier for the next 10 days or so.  As always, looking forward to the next reduction

That’s awesome man. I can’t wait until I’m in a position to start reducing again. Been sitting at this dose for a couple of months (which is not actually that long really).

 

take care mate

[j1290]

DAY 13  I'm totally fine, will be fine, I'm just at a part of WD where I have a certain kind of headache and as a result I get irritable and speak my mind way too readily LOL  Inner dialogue is supposed to remain inner for a reason.   Also a little paranoid/weird emotions.  As a result I feel a little bit like a bull in a china shop in social interactions and it just is.  Unless I've missed something the only way out is by tapering, and soon enough I'll be at my next reduction and down to 2/3rd of my starting dose.  That's real progress, and before you know it, I will be down to 1/3rd of my starting dose and WD Normal might be more comfortable, and if it isn't that's fine too.   

 

I'm trying to remember that this time last year I'd reinstated to 450 mg IR because my taper failed and I was really struggling with the symptoms of the IR and just off balance because of it.   

 

I guess I'm still struggling and off balance but at least I'm on almost 1/3rd less Bupropion and I really am struggling less.  I'm not in a panic all the time wondering why I feel off kilter, which is a huuuuge plus.    And 6 months ago I reinstated this time to 450mg of the XL.  I didn't figure out how I could do this taper until 4 months ago.  Gotta compare where I'm at to where I was previously, and the evidence says I'm improving.  What more can I ask for.   

 

EDIT:  Reading the side effects of Bupropion, and of course all the stuff I'm experiencing is documented.   I really hope I get lucky and these things resolve themselves after I finish tapering, or if not they diminish over time.  In some ways  I feel like they really are.   The muscle spasms I get when I feel drowsy are noticeably reduced.  Also, I'm almost halfway thorough this reduction.   Yay!   I must be doing something right because I can still work and function ok-ish, and I don't see any signs that I need to reinstate or anything.   I feel 100% certain that tapering is in my best interests.  I think if I were going to have some wave of crushing sadness from being on a lower dose, then I would have either felt it by now or will soon.  I'll keep an eye on it, but so far, the only problems I'm having are related to the side effects of the pills.   

[j1290]

15 hours ago, Thorin said:

That’s awesome man. I can’t wait until I’m in a position to start reducing again. Been sitting at this dose for a couple of months (which is not actually that long really).

 

take care mate

 

As I retreated to my bedroom today after I just couldn't deal with people, I realized I'm not the first to have times during this journey where I'm impaired and not feeling my best.   I think hungover is the best way I can easily explain the feeling in a word.   WD Hangover is what I'm going to call it.   

 

Honestly if I didn't have WD Hangover between drops I'd hold for a few months myself.   I used to do that when I tapered Effexor, it was great to build up my strength again before I continued, but my WD Normal was much better then.  

 

Gonna go check your intro and see how you're doing.  Thanks for stopping by as always!!

[Thorin]

20 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I'm totally fine, will be fine, I'm just at a part of WD where I have a certain kind of headache and as a result I get irritable and speak my mind way too readily

You are fine man. None of what you’re feeling will hurt you. It’s just very uncomfortable, but it will pass like it always does. I know what you mean about being irritable. I’ve been struggling with the same thing lately. But it’s not there all the time. Same as you.

 

22 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Also a little paranoid/weird emotions. 

I know this one too. Just have to let it happen and try not to act in it. It will pass as your brain acclimates to the most recent drop.

 

24 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Unless I've missed something the only way out is by tapering, and soon enough I'll be at my next reduction and down to 2/3rd of my starting dose.  That's real progress,

That’s massive progress, but remember to go slow if things become intolerable and give your brain time to catch up. You won’t be stuck with the symptoms if you hold, they’ll change as your brain does and slowly recede

 

25 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I guess I'm still struggling and off balance but at least I'm on almost 1/3rd less Bupropion and I really am struggling less

It may be different for you but if it was me I’d probably hold for a little bit. If you did decide to reinstate you’d only have to go to your previous dose. Not the full 450. Nothing has to make you go back to that dose.

 

27 minutes ago, j1290 said:

XL.  I didn't figure out how I could do this taper until 4 months ago.

4 months is not long in this game

 

15 minutes ago, j1290 said:

As I retreated to my bedroom today after I just couldn't deal with people, I realized I'm not the first to have times during this journey where I'm impaired and not feeling my best.

That’s ok man and you’re not the only one that has to do this at times. I’ve just 5 days in my bedroom. Being around people can be super stimulating which can be bad for WD at times

 

16 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Honestly if I didn't have WD Hangover between drops I'd hold for a few months myself. 

I wonder whether the WD Hangover would pass after holding for a bit? Have you tried?

 

You’ve got this man, I’ve been watching your journey and this is not the first time you’ve struggled. Just do what you have to do to get through this drop and then consider holding for a little bit. Don’t push yourself so hard that it becomes intolerable (may not happen). This hold I’ve been on has been difficult as my brain has slowly caught up with the reductions I’d made but it has slowly improved. If I hadn’t held I wouldn’t have made it. You got this man I fully believe that. This is just a difficult patch which means you have to do what you have to do to get through whether that’s hide in your room for a few days or whatever. You’re good 👍🏻 

[j1290]

@Thorin Thanks, partner!   Not gonna lie, it really is glorious not to have to interact with anybody while I recover.  Yesterday at work I had a few off-key moments, but I caught them fairly quickly.  Looking forward to the future and what life is like without these meds.   I haven't a clue.   

I totally hear you about holding and not pushing things.  My experience is that the IR at my high dosage has strong symptoms that are disagreeable to me 100% of the time, the only less bad days I have are during a taper.  It's just harsh compared to the XL.  

 

I've tried combining XL and IR and didn't have much luck, but maybe I'll have to try that later if things drag out.  

 

My plan at the moment is to do a longer hold at 6 months to let things catch up like you said, and hopefully it will be more tolerable because I'll be at a lower dose.   

[Thorin]

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

My experience is that the IR at my high dosage has strong symptoms that are disagreeable to me 100% of the time, the only less bad days I have are during a taper.  It's just har

Caught between a rock and a hard place. I understand that. I often feel fury when I take my med because I need to stop it so badly but I’m stuck on it for the moment. It also messes with me in itself, not just the withdrawals. Makes me livid that it’s got it’s hooks in me like this. Then I calm myself and remember it’s not forever. And that I’ve come a very long way. Some of the side effects can be intolerable at times so I get that too.

 

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

My plan at the moment is to do a longer hold at 6 months to let things catch up like you said, and hopefully it will be more tolerable because I'll be at a lower dose.

I hope so man. I find it important to remind myself that even though this is intolerable at times, I am actually tolerating it. It’s not killing me, just making my life very hard.

[j1290]

6 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Caught between a rock and a hard place.

You're firing on all cylinders today, Thorin!   I wish I could speak so clearly.  Yes, this is my situation.  I hear you about the feelings.   I've certainly had them, and I have a lot of opinions about things.  Doing EMDR about my family has helped me react less intensely.  I still have lots of opinions, it's just better I keep them to myself LOL.   

 

11 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Some of the side effects can be intolerable at times so I get that too.

I get tunnel vision and forget that it's OK to take blood pressure/migraine med if I need them.  Took some half pills a little earlier and they've helped.   Truth is I have benzos if it came to that, but I'd have to be really at the end of my rope instead of just uncomfortable.  Thanks for reminding me of that.  This time last year I had to resort to benzos to get by because I had nothing else.  Why on earth were those offered to me as a first choice instead of last.   

[Thorin]

14 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Doing EMDR about my family has helped me react less intensely.

Are you living with your family (no need to answer if that’s too personal). I’m learning I only have to see them as much or as little as I like. Easier when I don’t live near them.

 

15 minutes ago, j1290 said:

and I have a lot of opinions about things

I have some very strong opinions but I’ve learned people don’t always want to hear them. I have a select few people I occasionally share them with. But not all the time

 

16 minutes ago, j1290 said:

OK to take blood pressure/migraine med if I need them.

Depending on the med I think it’s ok as a last resort. As you know the other day I took some Clonidine. Only thing that got me through that night was the Clonidine.

 

17 minutes ago, j1290 said:

This time last year I had to resort to benzos to get by because I had nothing else.  Why on earth were those offered to me as a first choice instead of last. 

You’re obviously doing better if you don’t have to resort to them this time. They’re a quick (and effective) fix but they have big hooks! Why were they offered first? Well that’s the million dollar f**king question and you’ve just prodded one of my strong opinions! Why weren’t we (me) offered good trauma therapy as a first line treatment instead of being handed a prescription. I wouldn’t be in this position most likely if that had been the first line of treatment. Something I will forever be furious about. Why did I start therapy at 42 instead of being directed there at 16 (or earlier) and why is the first line of treatment for trauma (call it what you will) tablets instead of kindness, understanding, compassion and therapy. I’ll stop there before I start to rant.

[Thorin]

Don’t know if you’re a reader. If you are you should read The Body Keeps the Score. Absolute eye opener and game changer. Just reread my last post. Started to get a bit angry and emotional. Apologies about that.

[j1290]

15 hours ago, Thorin said:

I’m learning I only have to see them as much or as little as I like. Easier when I don’t live near them.

Nah, I live alone but yeah to call them a stressor is an understatement.  I don't  spend as much time with them on the holidays as I used to and I think it's easier on everyone.  

 

 

15 hours ago, Thorin said:

As you know the other day I took some Clonidine. Only thing that got me through that night was the Clonidine.

 

I'm trying to be less stubborn about not taking them.  I'm not doing anybody any favors by being a martyr.  I'm super careful, only take the minimum, and benzo is the last resort, which interestingly I haven't had to do since I started tapering 100+ days ago.   

19 hours ago, Thorin said:

Why weren’t we (me) offered good trauma therapy as a first line treatment

I have an opinion on this, and the less I dwell on it the better since it can't be undone.   

[j1290]

DAY 14 Less emotional, but more of a headache and resulting irritation.  Resorted to small amounts of blood pressure and migraine meds for relief, and they helped.   Looking back to previous tapers, I'm 100% on track, nothing unusual, will continue apace.