j1290: gets off the Wellbutrin and on with life!

[Thorin]

3 hours ago, j1290 said:

I live alone but yeah to call them a stressor is an understatement. 

I know the feeling.

 

3 hours ago, j1290 said:

I'm super careful, only take the minimum, and benzo is the last resort, which interestingly I haven't had to do since I started tapering 100+ days ago.   

I’m sure you’ll be fine then. It’s good that you haven’t needed the benzos. Must be handling it better for some reason.

 

3 hours ago, j1290 said:

have an opinion on this, and the less I dwell on it the better since it can't be undone. 

Agreed

[j1290]

Just an update to my note for today.  Reminding myself that I may not feel 100%, but I'm much better than I was last year at this time, and in a few months my WD Normal will most likely have milder symptoms than now.   My head symptoms are less intense, muscle spasms aren't as strong, all that stuff.  I just have to be patient.   The other good news is there's no sign of the symptoms that got me on these drugs to begin with.   Maybe they'll show up tomorrow, but for today things are alright.   

[Thorin]

On 12/5/2022 at 12:25 PM, j1290 said:

DAY 14 Less emotional, but more of a headache and resulting irritation.  Resorted to small amounts of blood pressure and migraine meds for relief, and they helped.   Looking back to previous tapers, I'm 100% on track, nothing unusual, will continue apace. 

Hey mate just checking in. Hope you’re travelling ok.

[j1290]

DAY 15  Annoyed at these symptoms and irritable.  I think I'm at WD Normal, more or less.  Took some BP + Headache meds and was told I sounded in a much better mood.  Maybe that's a hint I should take those very sparingly instead of avoiding them altogether.   

 

Trying to be patient and remember that more or less I'm feeling proportionally (28% total reduction) better than before I started tapering.  That's not enough to feel great, but it's enough that I don't feel a total wreck, either, like I did last year or even 6 months ago.  By my memory and looking at my Daily WD Checklists, I was significantly less functional than today in lots of ways.  I think at 50% reduction I should feel in much less dire straits, and at 75% I hope to really have symptoms in the background.   

 

@Thorin

Hey man, thanks for checking in!   Not my greatest day today, but far from my worst.   I will stay the course!

[Thorin]

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

mood.  Maybe that's a hint I should take those very sparingly instead of avoiding them altogether.   

I imagine sparingly if it’s what you need to get through would be fine. Not sure what the website would say. I’m finding low dose CBD:THC oil really helps.

 

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

great, but it's enough that I don't feel a total wreck, either, like I did last year or even 6 months ago.

That’s a massive improvement. On top of that you managed to survive being a total wreck and help yourself improve 

 

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

I think at 50% reduction I should feel in much less dire straits, and at 75% I hope to really have symptoms in the background. 

I have no doubt the further we get off these meds the better we’ll feel. 

[Stardust]

Hi j1290-

 

I'm sorry you're not having a great day - I hope your symptoms ease up soon.

 

I have a question for you about using liquid. Eventually my doses will be too small to measure accurately using a scale and I'll need to use liquid.  But I have no idea what weight is too small to get an accurate weight on my jeweler's scale.  How did you decide to start using liquid in combination with pills?  

 

Having trouble wrapping my head around all the logistics of tapering!

 

Thanks-

Stardust

[j1290]

7 hours ago, Stardust said:

Having trouble wrapping my head around all the logistics of tapering!

You and me both, Stardust!  

 

My thinking was, I can split a pill in half fairly accurately.   Any smaller than that, and it's just too fiddly for me and my patience wears thin.  

 

I went to some liquid so I could try slow tapering, in my case 2.5%.  I don't know if this is the best way, but I switched to 10% of my daily dose in liquid form, without any reduction.   After a week or so of tolerating that with no adverse reaction, I reduced the dose of liquid by 25% for a 2.5% reduction.   

 

After a few weeks, it's really easy to do, but certainly more inconvenient than taking a pill.  I bought a graduated cylinder that goes to 100ml, a liquid syringe that goes to 100ml, and one that goes to 25ml I think, and a canning jar that seals airtight.    

 

Every morning I measure 80ml of liquid in the graduated cylinder, dump it in the mason jar, throw in half a pill(37.5mg), dissolve it thoroughly, then remove 20ml of water with one of the liquid syringes and drink the rest.   

 

I never timed myself but I'd guess it takes about 5 minutes.  I'm sure you already read the thread on making liquid solutions.   I read that a bunch of times and watched videos and then ordered the gear off of Amazon I think and here I am.   I feel like I'm doing a science project so it's fun to use the cylinder and whatnot.   

 

I never tried crushing pills and making my own capsules before, so I couldn't tell you which I prefer.   Hope that helps!

[j1290]

DAY 16  4/10 head pressure and whatnot, right on track with previous reductions.  I suspect I'm at WD Normal.  Had to take the blood pressure and headache pills.   I don't love it but I have to get through the day.  

 

Anxiety got me pretty good at the end of the day today.  When I realized I get paranoid at this time of year, that it's normal holiday anxiety magnified via WD, I settled down quite a bit.  This is uncomfortable but it was probably twice as bad last year, come think of it.  I know after Christmas I'll feel much better.  

[Stardust]

15 hours ago, j1290 said:

You and me both, Stardust!  

 

My thinking was, I can split a pill in half fairly accurately.   Any smaller than that, and it's just too fiddly for me and my patience wears thin.  

 

I went to some liquid so I could try slow tapering, in my case 2.5%.  I don't know if this is the best way, but I switched to 10% of my daily dose in liquid form, without any reduction.   After a week or so of tolerating that with no adverse reaction, I reduced the dose of liquid by 25% for a 2.5% reduction.   

 

After a few weeks, it's really easy to do, but certainly more inconvenient than taking a pill.  I bought a graduated cylinder that goes to 100ml, a liquid syringe that goes to 100ml, and one that goes to 25ml I think, and a canning jar that seals airtight.    

 

Every morning I measure 80ml of liquid in the graduated cylinder, dump it in the mason jar, throw in half a pill(37.5mg), dissolve it thoroughly, then remove 20ml of water with one of the liquid syringes and drink the rest.   

 

I never timed myself but I'd guess it takes about 5 minutes.  I'm sure you already read the thread on making liquid solutions.   I read that a bunch of times and watched videos and then ordered the gear off of Amazon I think and here I am.   I feel like I'm doing a science project so it's fun to use the cylinder and whatnot.   

 

I never tried crushing pills and making my own capsules before, so I couldn't tell you which I prefer.   Hope that helps!

 

It's really helpful - Thanks!  Glad to see you tolerated the transition to liquid without any extra issues.

[j1290]

DAY 17   Good day, definite window, 3/10 side effects.  Worked perfectly because I had a difficult work situation and was able to handle it with a clearer head.  Now that I'm less medicated, I can feel how certain times I had emotional spirals with paranoia, etc were influenced by the pills.  

 

8 hours ago, Stardust said:

Glad to see you tolerated the transition to liquid without any extra issues.

@Stardust

I was pleasantly surprised.  I really expected it to have an effect and I haven't seen it.  Good luck on your taper, please keep us posted!

[Thorin]

25 minutes ago, j1290 said:

DAY 17   Good day, definite window, 3/10 side effects.  Worked perfectly because I had a difficult work situation and was able to handle it with a clearer head.  Now that I'm less medicated, I can feel how certain times I had emotional spirals with paranoia, etc were influenced by the pills.

That’s great mate. I know you were having a few rough days there (understandably so). Funny how the meds that are meant to help us make us a bit mental at times instead. I just noticed today that thing that used to send me into a spiral of anxiety don’t effect me as much anymore. They still make me a little anxious but nowhere near AS anxious and the anxiety doesn’t hang around for long. The med was making me MORE anxious. Crazy

[j1290]

DAY 18  Feel pretty good with the physical stuff, the emotional stuff is ramping up.  Checked my lists and it's 100% normal to be emotional today.  Not much energy.  Holidays/relatives, life stuff, therapy bringing up stuff, finishing up a job and sensitive about it/some weirdness with the boss, etc.  I'm fine this is a rough time of year under the best of circumstances.   3/10.  

EDIT:  reading some reddit forums, very interesting to hear other people have a similar experience with irritability and being unable to sleep, etc on this.  Because I started taking it so long ago, I was clueless that it had really any side effects, I thought it was just me and that those had mellowed out long ago.   So glad I studied the topics on this website and learned that I need to wait longer to reduce.  I figured the second the physical side effects went away, that I could begin another reduction.  I had no clue that other parts of the system were still adjusting in the background.  I was also pleased to read other people's experiences that they really noticed a jump in symptoms from 150mg to 300, which might support my theory that things will be easier on me when I get down to 150mg.  

21 hours ago, Thorin said:

They still make me a little anxious but nowhere near AS anxious

I hear you.  I would bet more than a little of anxiety I've experienced is med related and I had no idea.  

[Thorin]

36 minutes ago, j1290 said:

today.  Not much energy.  Holidays/relatives, life stuff, therapy bringing up stuff, finishing up a job and sensitive about it/some weirdness with the boss, etc. 

hey, would be weird if you weren’t emotional about that stuff really. But with WD on top it’s even harder.

 

37 minutes ago, j1290 said:

hear you.  I would bet more than a little of anxiety I've experienced is med related and I had no idea.

Same. I thought I just suffered really bad anxiety despite being in a whopping dose of Xanax. I am definitely less anxious on a low dose of my meds but the WD can ramp it up at times!

[j1290]

7 minutes ago, Thorin said:

I am definitely less anxious on a low dose of my meds but the WD can ramp it up at times!

I had full blown panic attacks at a new job a few years ago, and something close to it a year or so ago.  I'm sure there's a good term for it but chemical induced anxiety spiral is probably pretty accurate.   Something about this stuff, I think they call it a psych-stimulant, I think might contribute to racing thoughts and stimulates vivid imagination/dreams/thinking, which is not a place you want to be if your anxiety is peaking LOL

 

But yeah defo when my brain is ... whatever it is, stimulated ...I can get caught in those emotional spirals.   

 

My Aussie friend called me a cashed up bogan the other day.   Does that really mean good friend? 

[Thorin]

24 minutes ago, j1290 said:

had full blown panic attacks at a new job a few years ago, and something close to it a year or so ago.  I'm sure there's a good term for it but chemical induced anxiety spiral is probably pretty accurate. 

I think I’ve been having this on occasion since withdrawing the latuda. It’s completely overwhelming and it seems like there’s nothing to do but wait until it passes or take something for it. It’s the worst! Did you do anything to help it pass or just ride it out?

 

27 minutes ago, j1290 said:

stimulant, I think might contribute to racing thoughts and stimulates vivid imagination/dreams/thinking,

I think I read somewhere recently that Wellbutrin is extremely activating. So it can for sure cause anxiety, restlessness, mind racing etc. sounds terrible!

 

28 minutes ago, j1290 said:

But yeah defo when my brain is ... whatever it is, stimulated ...I can get caught in those emotional spirals.   

Me too. I’m slowly finding things that help a bit but it seems like the chemical (med) is often stronger than anything I can do.

 

29 minutes ago, j1290 said:

My Aussie friend called me a cashed up bogan the other day.   Does that really mean good friend? 

Hahaha it’s something you would say to give your mate sh*t. Sure, it can mean good friend 😂 if said with affection…… or it could start a fight if you said it to the wrong person in the wrong way 😂

 

Are you a cashed up bogan? Do you know what a bogan is?

[j1290]

4 minutes ago, Thorin said:

It’s the worst! Did you do anything to help it pass or just ride it out?

I got through with the Stress and Anxiety workbook.  I'd keep flashcards with notes on them of what to do if I got a panic attack and how to talk myself down.   If I recall correctly, the worst of the panic is over within 10 minutes or so, but it feels like the end of the world for those 10 minutes!  LOL 

12 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Me too. I’m slowly finding things that help a bit but it seems like the chemical (med) is often stronger than anything I can do.

 

You said it!  My best guess is that my feelings are getting affected and amplified by the med.  My strategy is that I need to break the 'spell' or get my mind out of the groove that it's getting in, the tunnel vision.   What helped the other night was recognizing it was chemical paranoia, and the proof of that was that instead of being completely engulfed by it, I wasn't because I'm on less pills.   It was enough proof and rational reasoning to break out of it and at least interrupt the process.   

 

But yeah man, I'm not that strong.  I know darn well that when I was at full max dose, the chems were too much.   Now that I'm down almost 1/3rd, I'm starting to have part of my mind back.  For better or for worse  😂

22 minutes ago, Thorin said:

or it could start a fight if you said it to the wrong person in the wrong way 😂

Good to know, I won't be throwing that one around in the presence of strangers then!

 

23 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Are you a cashed up bogan? Do you know what a bogan is?

I know Wombats are cute and I want to give one a hug.   Is a bogan like a wombat?  

[Thorin]

16 minutes ago, j1290 said:

got through with the Stress and Anxiety workbook.  I'd keep flashcards with notes on them of what to do if I got a panic attack and how to talk myself down

I haven’t heard of this one. Is that something you’d therapist gave you? I’ve been using breathing techniques and Internal Family Systems self care which seems effective

 

17 minutes ago, j1290 said:

You said it!  My best guess is that my feelings are getting affected and amplified by the med.  My strategy is that I need to break the 'spell' or get my mind out of the groove that it's getting in, the tunnel vision.   What helped the other night was recognizing it was chemical paranoia, and the proof of that was that instead of being completely engulfed by it, I wasn't because I'm on less pills.   It was enough proof and rational reasoning to break out of it and at least interrupt the process.

Mate that’s a perfect way to deal with it. When I get the paranoid thoughts I remind myself that they’ll probably be fine the next day and try to get out of my head. Doesn’t always work but stops me reacting to the thoughts

 

18 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I'm starting to have part of my mind back.  For better or for worse 

😂 definitely for the best. 

 

20 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Good to know, I won't be throwing that one around in the presence of strangers then!

Outside of Australia you should be fine lol

 

20 minutes ago, j1290 said:

know Wombats are cute and I want to give one a hug.   Is a bogan like a wombat?  

Wombats ARE cute. You could hug a tame one. Wouldn’t touch a wild one! They also get mange which you don’t want either! Some bogans may get mange so in that way the could be similar. Not sure I’d want to touch most bogans anyway 🤔

[j1290]

21 hours ago, Thorin said:

Is that something you’d therapist gave you?

Oh nah, got it off Amazon.  I need to read it again.  That's what's it called, stress and anxiety workbook.   

 

21 hours ago, Thorin said:

they’ll probably be fine the next day and try to get out of my head.

Thanks for reminding me of this.  It's probably covered in the above book and I just forgot 😂

 

21 hours ago, Thorin said:

They also get mange which you don’t want either!

Who knew?!?  I'll trade you one of our possums for one! 

 

21 hours ago, Thorin said:

Some bogans may get mange so in that way the could be similar

😂😂😂😂 

[j1290]

DAY 19  Pshew was off to the races emotionally today, all that stuff settling out....feeling kinda depressed and obsessing on certain things, which is 100% in character for me at this time of year.  However, with the EMDR I know exactly where it's coming from, didn't realize till just now, which is half the battle, really.   I do have true stressors in my life but I'm obsessing about them due to the holidays.   Other than that my side effects were present but pretty easy  3/10.   Getting used to less blunted emotions is definitely weird, and I'm really glad I haven't gone any faster with this taper than I have, thanks to you guys.  

 

I believe 100% I'm right, my headaches and whatnot are caused by the large dose of IR and that as I decrease they'll ease up.   The emotional stuff will come together and I'm getting some visual oddities I haven't seen in a minute, so something is going on.   I think I'm going to hold until after the holidays, which should give me some extra time for things to reset.   

[Thorin]

29 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Who knew?!?  I'll trade you one of our possums for one! 

Sure I’ll have an opossum! The eat ticks and play dead! Hilarious 😂 

[Thorin]

44 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Pshew was off to the races emotionally today, all that stuff settling out....feeling kinda depressed and obsessing on certain things, which is 100% in character for me at this time of year.

Yeah man can be a difficult time of the year when you’re at the top of your game, let alone in WD…..

 

45 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Other than that my side effects were present but pretty easy  3/10

That’s great!

 

45 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Getting used to less blunted emotions is definitely weird, and I'm really glad I haven't gone any faster with this taper than I have, thanks to you guys.  

Such a strange experience isn’t it.

46 minutes ago, j1290 said:

and I'm getting some visual oddities I haven't seen in a minute, so something is going on

What sort of visual oddities?

46 minutes ago, j1290 said:

on.   I think I'm going to hold until after the holidays, which should give me some extra time for things to reset.   

Sounds like a great idea. Give your system time to catch up with the taper. Means you’ll be a bit fresher when you start your taper again

[j1290]

DAY 20  3/10 couldn't sleep last night, irritable and emotional, frustrated, but much lighter head pressure and whatnot.   It's weird feeling less sedated but gets a little more normal every day.   Lots of muscle spasms that have been conspicuously absent lately.   My guess is it's all that brain adjusting background-work that I've read about going on in between drops.  

20 hours ago, Thorin said:

What sort of visual oddities?

Might just be me, but when there's rapid movement I see the floor or wall shift in the background or something now and then, is the best way I can describe it.   Just weird.  You ever get stuff like that?  It's certainly less intense now that I'm on less of this stuff, but I clearly had visual abnormalities or whatever they call it at a higher dose.   

 

20 hours ago, Thorin said:

Sounds like a great idea. Give your system time to catch up with the taper. Means you’ll be a bit fresher when you start your taper again

I'm trying to figure out what will have me in the best condition for the holidays, and as frustrating as it is, holding for 37 days instead of 30 isn't the worst idea in the world.   I think you're right, at 37 days I'll be ready to do the next reduction. I can't afford to have a crash.  

[Thorin]

4 minutes ago, j1290 said:

It's weird feeling less sedated but gets a little more normal every day. 

I’ve been experiencing this recently too even though I haven’t been reducing. I think it’s my brain catching up to the rapid taper of Lurasidone. Mostly very welcome.

 

5 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Might just be me, but when there's rapid movement I see the floor or wall shift in the background or something now and then, is the best way I can describe it.   Just weird.  You ever get stuff like that? 

Not that specifically but issues with depth perception for sure. Really throws me off sometimes. Sometimes people faces look slightly strange if that makes sense? It always passes.

 

6 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I think you're right, at 37 days I'll be ready to do the next reduction. I can't afford to have a crash.  

Sounds like a good plan to have a rest 👍🏻

[j1290]

7 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Mostly very welcome.

It's a little scary, too.   Such an odd journey.  Can you even imagine trying to live life without these symptoms?!?   I'm starting to realize it may very well be a mixed bag and emotions might very well be a real challenge, not that they aren't already I guess.  

 

11 minutes ago, Thorin said:

depth perception

Yeah, that makes sense!   I'm convinced there's some connection between these pills and visual perception.   

[Thorin]

17 minutes ago, j1290 said:

It's a little scary, too.   Such an odd journey.  Can you even imagine trying to live life without these symptoms?!? 

It is a bit scary too. No, I genuinely cannot imagine life not being like this. And when I do I start to get anxious because I don’t want to set myself up to fall flat on my face again. It’s been 2.5 weeks of tinnitus and I’m thinking I’m stuck with it. But I also think that every time I get a new symptom. That’s part of WD in itself I think, feeling anxious about the symptoms.

[j1290]

DAY 21 Pshew I forgot how rough tapering really is, in so many ways!   All the process has its own set of symptoms, physical and mental, but this time the - new term I learned today - neuro emotions really got me good!   It was really nice to have lighter physical symptoms, but the neuro emotional stuff put the fear and anxiety in me pretty good!   I had to sleep with the light on, woke up crying, just a lot of intensity that really had me wound up and wondering if I was making a big mistake withdrawing off this stuff at all.   I'm feeling better right now at least for the moment, just fatigued.  Looking at my records this is normal, but I guess I thought it was trending to be easier. I'm also continuing to get a lot of involuntary tremors the last few days, so I suspect it's just part of the healing.   Maybe today is a rebound day where I feel a little bit elevated, which hey, is a welcome relief, to be honest!   Nice to get a respite from feeling hungover and numb or irritable.   Will be interesting to see how I feel in about a week or so when I'm at WD Normal.   Not gonna lie, I'm super excited to do my next reduction and get to 2/3rd of my starting dose.  It's a big deal to me.  That'll be 60 less pills per month!   Sounds like a lot when I add it up.   

17 hours ago, Thorin said:

I don’t want to set myself up to fall flat on my face again.

 

Did you discontinue before and have to reinstate?   I tried once, after I'd been on these for a year or two, and after a few months all the symptoms I'd taken the pills for came back.   I guess in my heart of hearts I'm scared of that happening too, but I guess realistically it's a possibility that I'll deal with if it comes.    

17 hours ago, Thorin said:

That’s part of WD in itself I think, feeling anxious about the symptoms.

I suspect that's true as well.  I'm doing much better with it compared to last year at this time.  I think it's all part of the package.   I am frustrated that I complicated my life like this, and this is the only way I know how to un-**** it.   Come think of it, I was still tapering Effexor 5 years ago when I was in the hospital for a few days for a procedure.  Had to explain to a doctor why I was taking apart Effexor capsules and making my own LOL that was fun.   This is all a PITA but 100% worth it.   I hope  LOL 

[Thorin]

6 hours ago, j1290 said:

neuro emotions really got me good!   

Oof mate neuro emotions are really hard. I had them really intensely before finding this website. I didn’t know that’s what they were. The emotions were so intense at times that I got physical pain from them. I found two things helped. Doing therapy and treating them as ‘real’ emotions helped them to pass faster. The other thing I learned, but was very difficult, was not to act on them around people other than my therapist (although I would talk to my partner about them). An example which I’m not proud of is intense rage I felt when visiting my brother and seeing how well he treated his son. I got this intense rage that no one treated me that way (not completely irrational but definitely greatly exaggerated). I had to not let my brother see this but find ways to let it out as well. Therapy was a must. And then they slowly passed over time as will happen for you. I still get strong emotions but nothing like the neuro emotions. Hang in there. It may take time but if you hold for a bit they will pass and your emotions will become manageable again.

 

6 hours ago, j1290 said:

Maybe today is a rebound day where I feel a little bit elevated, which hey, is a welcome relief, to be honest! 

Enjoy it! I’m slowly learning to let myself feel ok when I feel ok. Even if it’s not a ‘natural’ ok if you know what I mean.

 

6 hours ago, j1290 said:

I'm super excited to do my next reduction and get to 2/3rd of my starting dose.  It's a big deal to me.  That'll be 60 less pills per month!   Sounds like a lot when I add it up. 

That’s massive! But don’t push yourself so hard you have to updose….

 

6 hours ago, j1290 said:

Did you discontinue before and have to reinstate? 

I tried to come off the pills across a month or so on three different occasions and had to go back on them again each time. The last time I tried to drop a dose it was too big a drop and I had to reinstate also (didn’t know about the 10% rule then). Many symptoms came back but I think they were all withdrawal symptoms they came on so fast and so violently.

 

6 hours ago, j1290 said:

and after a few months all the symptoms I'd taken the pills for came back.   I guess in my heart of hearts I'm scared of that happening too, but I guess realistically it's a possibility that I'll deal with if it comes.    

Were they your original symptoms or rebound symptoms (can be same as original symptoms but stronger than you experienced before taking meds). Realistically we probably will have to deal with some of the things that made us go on meds in the first place….. therapy and support will help.

 

6 hours ago, j1290 said:

I am frustrated that I complicated my life like this, and this is the only way I know how to un-**** it. 

Tbh someone else complicated my life like this. I can’t think of any other path than coming off the meds. I’m freaking terrified at times. But I’m not staying on these meds!

 

6 hours ago, j1290 said:

This is all a PITA but 100% worth it.   I hope  LOL 

Lots of people report their mental health improving after coming off the meds….. here’s hoping!

[j1290]

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

An example which I’m not proud of is intense rage I felt when visiting my brother and seeing how well he treated his son. I got this intense rage that no one treated me that way

I can relate to this and 100 other similar situations.  Freaking every time I have an outsize reaction to something its related to my parents, and the EMDR has helped.   When I can remember that I'm probably reacting to my dad it helps break the spell.   

 

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

Were they your original symptoms or rebound symptoms (can be same as original symptoms but stronger than you experienced before taking meds). Realistically we probably will have to deal with some of the things that made us go on meds in the first place…

My doctor probably told me to go cold turkey and who knows what symptoms they were, but I was suggestible and very young and believed that it was a good idea to stay on ever increasing dosages of AD cocktails for the rest of my life.   I have a lot of opinions and feelings about this.   

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

I can’t think of any other path than coming off the meds. I’m freaking terrified at times. But I’m not staying on these meds!

Same.   I'm realizing more and more that getting off this stuff will most likely be messy in a lot of ways.   I want to be off completely, but who knows, anything could happen.  I have to try though.   

 

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

here’s hoping!

Here's hoping!   I'm not going to worry about it because it isn't time yet.  I'll figure things out if this all goes pear shaped.  Not gonna lie, I really hope it doesn't, though.  I'm certain I'm overmedicated, I  just don't know how much.  

[Thorin]

15 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I can relate to this and 100 other similar situations.  Freaking every time I have an outsize reaction to something its related to my parents, and the EMDR has helped.   When I can remember that I'm probably reacting to my dad it helps break the spell.   

So my theory is that most of our neuro emotions are rooted in a natural emotional reaction. But because of WD it gets amplified in to a massive overwhelming experience. I think that’s why therapy and treating it like a normal emotion helps get through it. Don’t feel bad for having the emotions but do try to manage the outward release of the emotions. When you’re alone stab a pillow if you need to, then talk about it in therapy. Do EMDR on the emotion but be aware that may bring up other neuro emotions that you will have to work through

 

18 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Same.   I'm realizing more and more that getting off this stuff will most likely be messy in a lot of ways.   I want to be off completely, but who knows, anything could happen.  I have to try though.   

Same. I want off completely but if it gets bad I may have to live with being on a low dose of something. Not going to think about that too much now though.

 

19 minutes ago, j1290 said:

though.  I'm certain I'm overmedicated, I  just don't know how much.  

Same, I still feel over medicated even though I’m on really low doses of my meds….. it’s damn hard. Over medicated but scared to come off the med. maybe being off the med will be amazing and everything will get easier…… maybe

[Thorin]

22 minutes ago, j1290 said:

s.  Freaking every time I have an outsize reaction to something its related to my parents, and the EMDR has helped.   When I can remember that I'm probably reacting to my dad it helps break the spell.   

Maybe some more EMDR? I honestly don’t know. I think I’ll probably always have big reactions to certain things. I don’t know whether it’ll ever be possible to truly put my childhood behind me. I’m going to try really hard though…..

[j1290]

DAY 22  3/10 head stuff, emotional, irritable, lethargy, etc.  I gotta remember that this is the worst time of the year for me, as much as I'd like to pretend it isn't, so it's 100% in character to feel out of sorts.  In fact, how I feel today is a fraction of how bent out of shape I was last year.   I've got Christmas with my family, plus legit personal stuff going on and this medicine etc so feeling emotional doesn't mean this is all a mistake.   Read some more about Bup and what I read scares the hell out of me.  What have I done.   I can't change anything in the past, but I can going forward.  

[Thorin]

21 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Read some more about Bup and what I read scares the hell out of me.  What have I done. 

Don’t read anymore (easier said than done I know). I go into deep spirals where I trawl the internet for information. I don’t think it has helped once. Except to find this website maybe.

[j1290]

6 hours ago, Thorin said:

Don’t read anymore (easier said than done I know). I go into deep spirals where I trawl the internet for information. I don’t think it has helped once. Except to find this website maybe.

 

I've got two minds about it.  I'd like to think in certain ways I'm an advocate for my own health, on the other hand there's a time for everything and maybe today wasn't it to go searching the net.  All I can say is I haven't found anything yet that encourages me to stay on these any longer.  So that's the good news, I guess?  

[Thorin]

15 hours ago, j1290 said:

 

I've got two minds about it.  I'd like to think in certain ways I'm an advocate for my own health, on the other hand there's a time for everything and maybe today wasn't it to go searching the net.  All I can say is I haven't found anything yet that encourages me to stay on these any longer.  So that's the good news, I guess?  

I definitely have to be in the right mood before I start doom scrolling or I spiral pretty bad. I’ve done it too many times.

[j1290]

DAY 23  3/10 symptoms head pressure and weirdness, little irritable, took 1/2 blood pressure and 1/4 sumatriptan which helped with the headache but knocked me out.   Been a little sad all day, tired, again 100% in character for me this time of year, and difficult life events that are out of my control.  Trying not to catastrophize.  Last year at this time my paranoia and anxiety was through the roof, and frankly I think a not insignificant amount of that was due to the high dose of meds I was on.   Seeing my therapist tomorrow and this is a great opportunity to work directly on this sadness.  I think I have more control of my mind.  This time next year, I hope to be on a very low dose of meds.  Here's to that!

 

2 hours ago, Thorin said:

before I start doom scrolling

Can't believe I never heard of that before.   I'm usually careful to avoid that stuff but yesterday I didn't.  If I needed any additional motivation to reduce, that was it.  

[Thorin]

16 hours ago, j1290 said:

Seeing my therapist tomorrow and this is a great opportunity to work directly on this sadness. 

Just finished a session 20 minutes ago. Such hard work but very grateful to have someone that can help me while I do this work.

 

16 hours ago, j1290 said:

This time next year, I hope to be on a very low dose of meds.  Here's to that!

You and me both mate. Cheers to that!

 

16 hours ago, j1290 said:

before.   I'm usually careful to avoid that stuff but yesterday I didn't.  If I needed any additional motivation to reduce, that was it.  

I’m terrible for doing it. I even obsess over this site at times. Looking for answers, looking for answers….