Catina7: Effexor withdrawal / destabilized central nervous system

[Happy2Heal]

Glad to see you back and just thrilled that your vacation gave you some much needed time away from the daily grind!

 

[LotusRising]

So great to hear @Catina7!

[2cats2272]

This is fantastic. I’m so happy for you 💜

[Catina7]

23 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

Glad to see you back and just thrilled that your vacation gave you some much needed time away from the daily grind!

 

 

Thank you!  It was just what I needed after enduring two years of feeling awful.  

[Catina7]

22 hours ago, LotusRising said:

So great to hear @Catina7!

 

Thank you!  The break was great.  😄

[Catina7]

8 hours ago, 2cats2272 said:

This is fantastic. I’m so happy for you 💜

 

Thank you very much!  🥰

[Catina7]

I love this quote and have been wanting to share it for a while.  We all need to hang in there so our story can be the light that helps someone else through the darkness.    

 

[Catina7]

I posted this in the thread about Distraction:

 

 

[Catina7]

Because I've been feeling fairly well, I tried attended a meeting in person last night that I usually attend on Zoom just to see how it would go.  Well folks, it wasn't good. 

 

Even after two years of holding at my current Effexor dose, I find that when I push myself past a certain point in the evening my body just doesn't like it.  I get increased anxiety and insomnia and just can't relax and calm down, especially being around a group of people in the evening.  I find that I need solitude and time to gently wind down and do my bedtime stretching.  I have to be in bed every night at 8:30 pm...no ifs, ands, or buts!  

 

I need to start mathematically planning my upcoming taper that I would like to start on January 1st.  Lots of work to do!

 

May all of us continue to honor our limitations and be modest in what we expect of ourselves.  Everyone's "best" is different......and that's OKAY!   

[BigCat]

2 hours ago, Catina7 said:

Because I've been feeling fairly well, I tried attended a meeting in person last night that I usually attend on Zoom just to see how it would go.  Well folks, it wasn't good. 

 

Even after two years of holding at my current Effexor dose, I find that when I push myself past a certain point in the evening my body just doesn't like it.  I get increased anxiety and insomnia and just can't relax and calm down, especially being around a group of people in the evening.  I find that I need solitude and time to gently wind down and do my bedtime stretching.  I have to be in bed every night at 8:30 pm...no ifs, ands, or buts!  

 

I need to start mathematically planning my upcoming taper that I would like to start on January 1st.  Lots of work to do!

 

May all of us continue to honor our limitations and be modest in what we expect of ourselves.  Everyone's "best" is different......and that's OKAY!   

I too have a limited social tolerance- 9pm (or earlier) and I begin to get irritable.  10pm is bed time.  

It's good to hear you say about "honouring" our needs and being kind in our self expectation. 

I suspect that many of us who have started out on the AD route will be self critical, self demanding types who find it difficult to "give ourselves a break" and have pushed on at the expense of our own health. 

[Emonda]

15 hours ago, Catina7 said:

I tried attended a meeting in person last night that I usually attend on Zoom just to see how it would go.  Well folks, it wasn't good. 

 

Well done for giving it a go!

 

15 hours ago, Catina7 said:

May all of us continue to honor our limitations and be modest in what we expect of ourselves.  Everyone's "best" is different......and that's OKAY! 

 

Nicely put 👍

[Catina7]

To prepare for my taper, I counted all the tiny beads in three of my Venlafaxine (Effexor) capsules.  The totals were 115, 109, & 108, which comes out to an average of 111 beads per capsule.  I found this awesome bead calculator through a site that helps people taper off Cymbalta, and it's perfect for helping me calculate everything; I highly recommend it!  If I reduce by 5% every month (from the previous month's dose) and things go smoothly, then it should take me about four years to reach the end.  

 

Bead Counting Calculator

 

To be honest, I'm a bit apprehensive and nervous, but I feel much better prepared this time for what may lie ahead of me and how to deal with it.  I hope with all my heart that things go smoothly.  I really long to be free of this evil poison!  💊

Edited December 28, 2023 by Catina7

[Jaffa]

@Catina7

 

It's great that you had a break and discovered some "feeling normal " time.  It does feel good to take a break away from the world of antidepressant harm. Good on you. 

 

I would like to read your thread but I'm not sure how to access it. Tried a few things but not working for me. If you could instruct me that would be great. I'm trying to move around this site as much as I can while feeling better, so that it won't be so difficult when I'm feeling less well and less able. 

 

I notice in your drug signature that you tapered by 10% and held for a month and then crashed. Damn. I guess you will go more slowly this time. What are your plans? When you crashed and updosed to 37.5 , did you level out quickly or did it take a good while? One of my concerns is that in my past failed tapers , if I updosed or reinstated I would get akathisia. I feel like the upping and downing on and on is likely to create a more serious problem/ injury/ iatrogenesis/ kindling effect ?? So I face the tapering journey with extreme caution because once I go down , I have to stay the course. I don't feel its safe to go up again. If I crash I think I have to be as prepared as possible to walk through the flames....until I hopefully come out the other end... probably 5 years later. UUUgh! Such a daunting road ahead.

[Catina7]

6 hours ago, Jaffa said:

I would like to read your thread but I'm not sure how to access it.

 

Hi there!  It was nice to hear from you.  Here is the link to my thread; let me know if it works:  https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/25810-catina7-effexor-withdrawal-destabilized-central-nervous-system/. 

 

6 hours ago, Jaffa said:

I feel like the upping and downing on and on is likely to create a more serious problem/ injury/ iatrogenesis/ kindling effect

 

I completely agree!  If I had to do it over again I would NOT have updosed by the large amount that I did.  I do believe it "kindled" me, and it's taken me two entire years to make some sort of improvement, even though I still don't feel 100%.

 

My plan is to do a hyperbolic taper rate of 5% every month and see how things go.  If that is too much then I will reduce by a smaller amount.  I am a bit traumatized by what I went through the first time when I tapered too fast, and I want to ensure that I keep myself out of the emergency room and the psych ward again!  

 

Thanks for your support @Jaffa!  

[BigCat]

29 minutes ago, Catina7 said:

I completely agree!  If I had to do it over again I would NOT have updosed by the large amount that I did.  I do believe it "kindled" me, and it's taken me two entire years to make some sort of improvement, even though I still don't feel 100%.

 

My plan is to do a hyperbolic taper rate of 5% every month and see how things go.  If that is too much then I will reduce by a smaller amount.  I am a bit traumatized by what I went through the first time when I tapered too fast, and I want to ensure that I keep myself out of the emergency room and the psych ward again!  

If we'd known just how horrendous this drug was we'd never have agreed to take it in the first place.

Going up from 12mg to 37.5mg would appear trivial to most professional prescribers, and you certainly had no way of knowing the outcome.   

 

I am grateful to you for sharing as I have similar concerns about tapering rates.  Big hug, more power to you. 

 

 

[Catina7]

5 hours ago, BigCat said:

If we'd known just how horrendous this drug was we'd never have agreed to take it in the first place.

Going up from 12mg to 37.5mg would appear trivial to most professional prescribers, and you certainly had no way of knowing the outcome.   

 

I am grateful to you for sharing as I have similar concerns about tapering rates.  Big hug, more power to you. 

 

 

 

This drug, in my opinion, is a monster in a class by itself.  I've been on other antidepressants before, but when I missed a single dose of the Effexor poison I suffered severe WD symptoms for three months.  It was a horrendous nightmare!  I can't believe this stuff is still on the market....it's a crime.  

 

I'm glad to know I'm not alone in my battle against this evil entity.  I'm here for you to support your own taper, and I appreciate your support with mine.  We'll all get through this one day I hope!  I would definitely be careful of big up-doses.  If I had to do it again I would have held where I was at 12 mg.

 

I hope you get some relief soon and are able to feel stable and functional. 

[BigCat]

52 minutes ago, Catina7 said:

 

This drug, in my opinion, is a monster in a class by itself.  I've been on other antidepressants before, but when I missed a single dose of the Effexor poison I suffered severe WD symptoms for three months.  

 

I'm glad to know I'm not alone in my battle against this evil entity. 

Absolutely.  Same for me re several other ADs.  

But this one? I miss one dose and I have evening agitation and/or vivid nightmares.  Sorry to hear you had much worse.  It is a particularly dirty drug.

We'll get through it, for sure. 

[Catina7]

10 minutes ago, BigCat said:

We'll get through it, for sure.

 

Yes, we will!!!!!  💪 😻 👍

[littlebird]

3 hours ago, Catina7 said:

This drug, in my opinion, is a monster in a class by itself. 

It's rough, I remember a doctor telling me Pristiq was a more "clean and pristine" version of Effexor and talking me into it. Wish I'd never gone down that road again after Effexor XR put me through the wringer!

 

3 hours ago, Catina7 said:

when I missed a single dose of the Effexor poison I suffered severe WD symptoms for three months

So real, a missed dose is wild. Can't believe the official tapering plan is taking it every other day then/or CT - my otherwise great doc says it can be cold turkeyed no problem. Cold turkeying Effexor back in the day was one of my worst choices to date, so no thank you.

 

4 hours ago, Catina7 said:

I'm glad to know I'm not alone in my battle against this evil entity. 

Solidarity!

 

3 hours ago, Catina7 said:

3 hours ago, BigCat said:

We'll get through it, for sure.

 

Yes, we will!!!!!  💪 😻 👍

Heck yeah!!! Slow and steady wins the race. 😤🐢

[Catina7]

Thanks for your responses and support @littlebird....it means a lot!  😊

[Catina7]

Since my initial taper, I have been unable to attend any sort of social gatherings because it causes me severe anxiety.  I have on occasion, however, made an exception for my family because I don't see them that often.  It's a huge sacrifice because although I am glad to see them, even socially interacting with my own family is extremely difficult.  Yesterday my mom had a family luncheon and I spent four hours there.  I cannot even begin to describe the level of anxiety I experienced the entire time.  It's like I had adrenaline pumping through my heart and body...the kind of anxiety you would have if you were being chased by a pack of hungry wolves or any other scenario where your life was in extreme danger.  I did tell my older sister how I was feeling because she was actually feeling some anxiety herself.  For the most part she was empathetic and understanding.  She herself is on three psychiatric medications.  My younger sister is cut from a different mold - she has no mental health problems and is actually a therapist!  

 

I have come to the conclusion, however, that even attending family gatherings is too much for me to handle.  Yes, I have to tell my own flesh and blood that I cannot see them anymore.  It's heartbreaking for me to think about.  My mom is 86 years old now and lost my father in October of 2022.  I feel awful that I can't even visit her, take her somewhere, or have her stay at my home because it makes me too anxious.  Sometimes I am able to speak to her on the phone, but even at 86 she has a very high-energy and dynamic personality which exhausts me.  She has booked a cruise to Bermuda in June for her, my two sisters, and me but I don't know if I'll even be able to go.  I have explained to her my situation, so she did get travel insurance to cover the room I would be staying in if I had to cancel.  

 

Tomorrow I begin another attempt at trying to free myself from a drug that has severely impacted my life.  I just hope I don't end up like I did before.  As Marilyn Monroe used to say..."Please hold a good thought for me."  

Edited December 31, 2023 by Catina7

[BigCat]

I am heartbroken for you.  

My own mother is 91 and I don't see her as much as I really ought to.

But you can only manage what you can.  I'm saying that but I can't always forgive myself either.  You are so not alone in any of this. 

 

[NotQuiteMyself]

I really understand how you are feeling. The anxiety I feel when I socialise is nothing like yours in its severity, but It is so difficult for others to understand how any such contact, no matter how pleasurable, makes our adrenalin levels shoot up.

 

When I took my last Venlafaxine and in the months after, I avoided all social contact. I have now spent pre-Christmas, Christmas itself and now NYE visiting and hosting all my family and friends. I managed to get enough sleep, I coped  and it’s nearly over. This was unimaginable a year ago.

 

Things will change for the better. It’s a long road as you know, but there will come a time when seeing people won’t send your system into chaos.

 

Happy New Year to you, and hopefully a more peaceful one to come. X

[wantrelief]

5 hours ago, Catina7 said:

Tomorrow I begin another attempt at trying to free myself from a drug that has severely impacted my life.  I just hope I don't end up like I did before.  As Marilyn Monroe used to say..."Please hold a good thought for me."  

I will be holding lots of good thoughts for you, brave Catina. 💖

[Catina7]

36 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

I will be holding lots of good thoughts for you, brave Catina. 💖

 

Aww thank you!  

[Catina7]

January 1, 2024

 

Starting Dose:  37.5 mg

Average Bead Count per Capsule:  111

Rate of Reduction:  5% every four weeks

Beads Removed Today:  6

Dose Taken:  35.63 mg

 

Thoughts:  I'm pretty anxious about resuming my taper.  All I can do is try my best and implement multiple coping skills to manage my anxiety.  I have updated my signature to reflect my current dose.

 

Thanks to everyone who has supported me thus far and who will continue to do so in the future; it means the world to me!  ❤️

Edited January 1 by Catina7

[Catina7]

I've been trying to find the best surface for dumping my beads each morning.  Last time I tapered I used a black t-shirt and it actually worked pretty well.  This morning, however, I was looking at my tablet cover and it struck me that the indented area that looks like a little trough might be a good place.  It actually worked really well to prevent them from rolling all over the place.  So for now, my tablet cover wins!

 

 

[BigCat]

1 hour ago, Catina7 said:

I've been trying to find the best surface for dumping my beads each morning.  Last time I tapered I used a black t-shirt and it actually worked pretty well.  This morning, however, I was looking at my tablet cover and it struck me that the indented area that looks like a little trough might be a good place.  It actually worked really well to prevent them from rolling all over the place.  So for now, my tablet cover wins!

 

 

I have been keeping the mine in a small medical sample pot- all fine until I knock over the lidless pot and they scatter over the table and floor.  D'oh! 🙈  

If I used a pad or a black T-shirt it would stop them escaping so far and stop the addition of biscuit crumbs with the beads!  

[2cats2272]

@Catina7 I’m rooting for you as you continue your taper 👍

[LostInCanada]

On 12/27/2023 at 6:58 AM, Catina7 said:

I tried attended a meeting in person last night that I usually attend on Zoom just to see how it would go. 

I too attend meetings via zoom. I seem to get over stimulated by social activity so I haven't even tried to show up in person. A long phone call can send me into crying and shaking afterward.  I think it is still going to be sometime before my CNS settles.

On 12/31/2023 at 6:27 AM, Catina7 said:

I have to tell my own flesh and blood that I cannot see them anymore.  It's heartbreaking for me to think about. 

I struggle seeing my family as well. I literally pop in to see my mom or daughter (that live in the same city), for about 20-30 minutes when I am having a good day. It's hard not to be involved like I would like.

On 1/1/2024 at 5:08 AM, Catina7 said:

All I can do is try my best and implement multiple coping skills to manage my anxiety

Just be kind to yourself and accepting. One day at a time. ♥️

Listen to your body. We are all cheering you on.

 

[Catina7]

Thank you so much @2cats2272 and @LostInCanada.  Your kind words mean a lot to me!  🌹

[Catina7]

Ever since I tried to attend a meeting in-person and then a family gathering, my anxiety has taken a turn for the worse.  My heart has been racing and pumping really hard; sometimes I've had tachycardia when I'm trying to sleep.  I don't think it's related to my taper since I started feeling this way before I even began tapering again.  My nervous system just can't handle any sort of stress, let alone a family get-together for four hours.  I don't know why I pushed through it instead of bowing out early like I should have.  I've been feeling pretty discouraged lately.  It's been hard for me to even come on the site and encourage others because reading everyone's stories just adds to my stress.  I am going to prioritize REST for a while until my nervous system recovers.  My coping skills will be:  Listening to gentle healing music, EFT, acupressure, vagus nerve exercises, hot bubble baths, exercise, stretching, listening to guided meditations, and doing deep breathing exercises.  Also, I think I'm going to start getting acupuncture again.  The guy I went to before is fantastic, and I found it really helped with my anxiety.  

Edited January 4 by Catina7

[LostInCanada]

17 minutes ago, Catina7 said:

 I am going to prioritize REST for a while until my nervous system recovers. 

Absolutely do what you need. You are going to be okay. ♥️ No expectations.

[Jaffa]

@Catina7

I totally get it. If I was you I would simplify things as much as possible and remove as many stressors from your life as you possibly can. Having said that, I also understand the fighting spirit in you and the desire to push through things like family gatherings. Sometimes we need to feel like we can still do things and that we are not completely crippled by the mess these drugs have put us in. I find it helpful to congratulate myself for doing those hard things and then work on recovery - the bath, the deep breathing, a mindful nourishing meal or drink. 

One thing Ive found helpful is the breath works community founded by Vidyamala Burch. They work with chronic pain. Withdrawal and/or psych med injury is like a chronic pain condition. Have a look. Sending you love and encouragement as you continue your taper. 

[Catina7]

Thank you @Jaffa for your kind words of encouragement.  The support means a lot.  I will definitely check out the breath works community - thanks!  😊

[Catina7]

It's been two weeks since I tapered down 5%, and I really haven't noticed much of a difference at all....just a lot of anxiety, which is how I normally feel.  It is what it is...

 

I had the second appointment with my new psychiatrist this morning, which went very well.  She is extremely down-to-earth, open-minded, and really listens.  Without flinching, she listened to me rattle on about how many psychiatrists do not understand tapering and withdrawal and can be very arrogant.  Yes, I told her all those things (go me!)  😇.  I then told her that I wanted to share a letter with her written by Angie Peacock going into more detail about psychiatric drug withdrawal.  She said she would read it.  I told her she could help a lot of people by learning more about how to safely get people of these drugs.  I was extremely pleased that she reacted very positively...score!