Erimus: my introduction and journal

[Erimus]

14th May 2022:

 

The last few days have been absolutely horrible. I’ve had terrible agitation and restlessness. It’s the worst I’ve felt since April 3rd, so about 5.5 weeks ago. I remind myself I must endure the bad to feel the good, that keeps me going. The cycles used to be 7-10 days and now they’ve spread to over 5 weeks so that must be a good thing. Hopefully when I work my way out of this next re-adjustment I feel a lot better. 
 

Next weekend I’m moving house. Back to my home town which will be good for me, close to all my family and friends after a long period of isolation. The isolation has been good during the worst of withdrawal as I couldn’t cope with people. Thankfully I won’t be doing any of the heavy lifting as I’m still very physically and mentally limited. I’ll just be glad when it’s over and I’m back in my normal routine. I can just about cope with the world in my very restricted routine that I follow. Things will get better with time. Each day I can feel my nervous system undoing the changes it’s made under the influence of this horrible drug. The closer I get to stable and zero the better I will feel.

 

As usual, onwards and upwards. Hope everyone else is coping, keep going and don’t ever give in!

[Erimus]

15th April 2022: A progress report:

 

Omeprazole is back down to 20mg which is where it was before any of these other drugs. I’ll be staying on it until I’m off the sertraline due to the plethora of digestive issues it has caused.

 

Vitamin D3 + K2 I’ve reduced to one capsule each morning, 4000iu. At the end of this month I’ll stop taking that. It coincides well with summer coming and the better weather.

 

Next month, I’ll taper off the B-complex and then the Ashwagandha. 
 

Im also looking at possibly altering my magnesium supplement. I’m currently taking citrate but I may switch to gylcinate. I’m also planning on taking one in the morning and one in the evening, instead of both at once.

 

I may also investigate adding in fish oils. I’ll see how things progress this summer.

 

All things well I hope to be tapering the sertraline by August/September.

[BigDave]

Hey @Erimus, sorry to hear you've been feeling so rotten. 

 

It's good though that you're moving closer to family and friends. I completely understand about isolation being better for a bit. It can remove the stress you feel from other's expectations. But some interaction now might lift your mind away from how you feel sometimes and give you some relief. 

 

On 5/14/2022 at 3:09 PM, Erimus said:

Things will get better with time

 

Absolutely. 😊 Patience is the key. In the meantime we need to be kind to ourselves. 

 

On 5/14/2022 at 3:09 PM, Erimus said:

Hope everyone else is coping, keep going and don’t ever give in!

 

And you mate. 👊

[Erimus]

Thanks for checking in Dave, and also for your words of encouragement. I wouldn’t have made it this far without the support and help of this community. I’m glad summer is almost here, those cold and dark winter nights do me no good. 

[Erimus]

18th May 2022:

 

The physical restlessness is tipping me towards breaking point. It’s been coming and going for almost a full week now. Yesterday I thought it was on its way out and then today it’s back again. It’s like one step forwards one step back. Horrible torture.

 

Its really difficult to try and behave like a normal person when I want to jump out of my own skin. It’s in my arms the worst. Sometimes I have to lay still and it sort of paralyses me in a way. It’s really difficult forcing food down my throat when I feel so restless and agitated. 
 

It’s weird feeling sort of mentally sane but physically me arms are screaming to be moved. I just want it all to stop.

 

Today I was concentrating to deconstruct a bed frame and I found that pretty difficult but I pushed through the best I could. If people could see what was going on inside my body each day it would be much easier.

[Erimus]

Some days I feel like I’m dying inside with what is going on in my mind and body. Today it’s awful brain/body zaps/jolts, hot flushes, tension headaches and indigestion. This drug has ravaged my body physically and mentally. Nobody in my life understands that properly. They just think I’ve struggled with anxiety. I wish all I had to deal with was anxiety. None of this inhumane torture.

 

Ive got to pack my belongings and move back to my home town. Im honestly sick of moving about. Think I average a move every 2-3 years. Would be nice to stay put in one place whilst I’m dealing with this horror show.

[Erimus]

I’ve moved house. Well, mostly. There’s a lot of work to be done but I can only manage a couple of things a day. It’s something to try and take my mind away from withdrawal though.

 

The fatigue is really getting to me today. I get so frustrated because my body just gives up on me. The combination of sertraline and mirtazapine is leaving me with no physical or mental energy. I hate being redundant and useless. I used to be able to do everything and I can’t do much these days. Thanks to the doctors for making me into a permanently exhausted zombie.

 

The only good thing about being in withdrawal is each day my body adapts to a little bit less sertraline. If I can keep my body in a gradual deficit of the drug I will eventually get off it.

[Cruizer]

Hi Erimus, I thought I would post here as you asked a question on my thread. 

Firstly I want to say that I don't like giving advice or opinion to others as I still have so many questions and unknowns of my own. However I do recognise that others have helped me on my journey and without their input I could be still on a much higher dose. 

In answer to your question when I "crashed" on 60mg: I reached 60mg from 150mg over the period of about 6 months. I thought this must have been too fast as after a really good 3 weeks I seemed to get an uptick in symptoms. So I stopped and held for 5 months. During that 5 months I felt worse and worse until ..... I started to taper again. It was quite a quick relief (not symptom free but far better). 

I'm not sure if you have looked at the "receptor occupancy charts" before but 50mg. of zoloft is still holding down a very large portion of your receptors. Add in the fact that you are on another antidepressant as well, I would be seriously questioning whether the drug is giving you these symptoms and not so much withdrawal. 

I like you, find that after my daily dose I fell worse. For me it use to hit me almost bang on 40 minutes after my dose and last for around 3-5 hours. Then abate a bit. 

 

I'm not trying to tell you what to do and I understand how desperate and impressionable we become when we feel so terrible. We are all made up differently and no one case will be identical. 

But if I was to hazard a guess, your having drug issues either being caused by interactions between the two, or just simply side effects of one or both. 

 

Again, this is not gospel and everyone is different, but food for thought. 

 

All the best

 

[Erimus]

Thanks for the lengthy reply @Cruizer. Without experiences like yours I would be left hopeless trying to find other people in a similar boat to me. I find it helpful to relate in some parts to your journey with Zoloft and the subsequent withdrawal process. You’re doing really well to have got down to 4.5mg and I’ve got my fingers crossed that you get off in the near future. 
 

Like you said I know the two drugs complicates everything but unfortunately I can’t go back. If I hadn’t read your history about spending loads on “curing” your anxiety problem I would have ended down the same route. Thankfully I’ve seen the light and worked out that the drugs are the problem here like yourself. 
 

In my case things are improving compared to 3 months ago. I just need to find the balance between reducing my dose and not waiting too long for things to start deteriorating.

 

I think I just got a little desperate and reached out to try and find a timescale of when things would change. But, like you said, we’re all different and no one journey is the same. 
 

Many thanks,

Erimus

[Erimus]

I guess if I’d have tapered more gradually I wouldn’t get these extreme symptoms that fluctuate. A tough lesson to learn but I can’t go back now. 

[Erimus]

I have seriously considered increasing to 55 or 60mg in the last few days. I’m just tired of suffering, especially when it is unnecessary. My stubbornness and tough-it-out attitude has made me violently ill, much of this could have been avoided.

 

I have two options; continue on the same dose until my nervous system adapts. Based on my experiences of the last 8 months, I estimate this will take around 2-3 more months;

 

or, I can test the waters and increase to around 55mg which will probably alleviate a lot of avoidable pain.

 

Over the last 8 months I have come to the realisation that when I dropped from 75mg to 50mg in September last year my body actually still wanted an amount greater than 75mg. This is why I have been so extremely sick from it. My extreme sensitivity to sertraline means that it takes my body a very long time to adapt and undo changes created in the presence of the drug. So over the last 8 months I’ve been taking 50mg and forcing my body into extreme suffering when what it actually wanted was around 80mg+. After spending 4.5 months on 75mg from May to September 2021 my nervous system still hadn’t fully adapted to the decrease from 100mg.

 

This prolonged suffering has made me very resilient and strong but my stubborn nature has actually been detrimental to my health and well-being unnecessarily. I was so adamant that I was never going to increase my dose of the drug ever again because of the pain it has caused me. But, in the long run, it would have been quicker and less painful to increase the dose to around 80mg and taper slowly at a rate of around 1mg each cut.

 

Unfortunately now I cannot go back and correct these errors; hindsight is a wonderful tool. My suffering is not in vain however, I have improved a lot over the last 5.5 months since I crashed hard in December 2021. I must learn from my mistakes and immense pain and put my knowledge in to practice to assist me through the challenges the future will hold in this journey.

[Erimus]

The last few days have been really bad. Hopefully it’s some deep healing taking place and another big adjustment.

[Erimus]

I get disheartened because I’ve suffered so much yet I’m still taking a significant dose of sertraline. I feel like most people who suffer this much have at least stopped the drug. It’s like I found a way to cause myself maximum suffering whilst still taking the drug.
 

Add on the fact I’ve got mirtazapine 15mg to deal with after the sertraline. It all gets on top of me as I once trusted doctors and look at the mess I’m in. My quality of life is pretty much non-existent these days due to withdrawal syndrome. When you’re only 21 it’s hard to take. I’ve had to distance myself from all my friends and my previous life in general as I can’t cope watching everyone move forward whilst I’m dragging myself through each day, wondering how and when this nightmare ends. 
 

This is the only place I can put my rambling thoughts, where people understand your pain. It’s a hard pill to swallow, both literally and figuratively. I long for my problems pre-drugs compared to the fight I have to deal with now. Life isn’t fair sometimes. I can’t work or study in my current state and have been burning a hole in my savings for 22 months now. It took 10 minutes for the GP to write a prescription for anti-depressants. Little did they know it would impact my life for probably 5 years or more.

[ChessieCat]

What you are experiencing might not be withdrawal symptoms.  It might be side effects of the combination of the drugs your are taking.  GetOffLex posted the drug interaction in December 2021.

 

Here it is again from a different site.  From https://reference.medscape.com/drug-interactionchecker

sertraline + mirtazapine

sertraline and mirtazapine both increase serotonin levels.

 

 

Generally serotonin toxicity is caused by taking 2 or more serotonergic drugs; you are taking 2 serotonergic drugs.  In my case I was taking only one drug, Pristiq, but I was taking 100mg.  I felt so horrible for several years and realised that it might be the drug causing it so I started researching side effects and realised that I was experiencing mild serotonin syndrome.  My diastolic blood pressure (when the heart is relaxed) was very high.  I also felt confused/trouble concentrating and anxious/agitated a lot of the time as well as muscle tightness when walking only a short distance (and had trouble stepping up from the road to the footpath, about 5 inches in height) and sweating even on a cold day.  I also had several times a day when my heart felt like it "flipped".  It may be what others describe as missing a beat.  Once my dose got lower these symptoms improved.

 

From the drugs.com website:

 

serotonin syndrome, which may include symptoms such as confusion, hallucination, seizure, extreme changes in blood pressure, increased heart rate, fever, excessive sweating, shivering or shaking, blurred vision, muscle spasm or stiffness, tremor, incoordination, stomach cramp, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea.

[Erimus]

I have explored the possibility of mild serotonin syndrome before but now I’m down to 50mg sertraline and the mirtazapine has very little seritonergenic action at 15mg I think I’m clear of it. I have felt much better than what I do now when I was stable on 100mg sertraline (+ 15mg mirtazapine) so serotonin toxicity is unlikely at a lower dose. Even if what I was experiencing was mild serotonin syndrome the method off the drugs would still be the same @ChessieCat. I’ve made a lot of mistakes due to trusting doctors’ advice before I educated myself better on the correct taper method.

 

I have improved drastically over the last 5.75 months since I crashed after tapering too fast in December 2021. So I’m assuming that’s a good thing. I think unfortunately I have an extreme sensitivity to sertraline and my body can only undo it in very small drops of 1mg for example. Before I discovered this website and gathered all the knowledge I was making big jumps of 25 or 50mg which is why I felt so horrible. 

 

Don’t pay too much attention to my rambling posts on here. I think it’s just my coping mechanism for the whole thing. It’s a good place to vent. I don’t expect people to give me solutions or answers as deep down I mostly know what I have to do. 
 

Thank you for taking the time to reach out to me. I find it really helpful and kind what you volunteers do for us. I just wish I had gone about things like you had before all the big errors. I can’t go back though.

[Erimus]

I’ll be a lot happier when I’m tapering in a controlled manner. The extremes of withdrawal symptoms I’ve experienced with doctor recommended approaches has been chaotic and unmanageable. I don’t like the lack of control over withdrawal and the symptoms it’s presented. 
 

The cut and wait approach causes a lot more suffering with no apparent end date in sight. Once I’m in control of the symptoms and the taper rate I’ll be so much happier than what I am now.

[Erimus]

Stopped the vitamin D. In two weeks I’m going to start tapering the B-complex over probably 2-4 weeks. Then after that I’ll taper the Ashwagandha for 2-4 weeks, likewise. I’m probably being over-cautious but after my experiences I’m pretty terrified of changing things, even supplements.
 

By the time I’m done with all that I’ll be ready to purchase the necessary taper equipment and hopefully I won’t be too far away from getting stuck into that at last. Small steps but progress nonetheless.

[Erimus]

I’m going to begin the appropriate paperwork soon in order to receive unemployment benefit and hopefully further down the line a LCWRA. In the UK this means Low Capability for Work Related Activity which, if I’m successful, entitles me to a larger benefit payment and also a work allowance each month. It would also mean I don’t have to undertake work preparation activity and regular appointments with the job centre. The extra financial support takes the pressure off me and gives me more freedom to fully focus on recovery, whilst not using every last ounce of my savings I worked so hard for. 

I don’t like to admit it but I’ve got to the point where I need to accept I am massively limited by this whole ordeal. I’ve payed my share of taxes and national insurance so I’m not exactly fleecing the system. I may have to approach the application from the anxiety/depression viewpoint rather than the withdrawal syndrome, as this is not well recognised. I will be truthful about my experience and how much I’ve suffered though. I’m an honest, hard-working individual and the more my head clears the more disbelief I feel for what I’ve actually survived. 
 

All of us deserve to be supported by the system we have paid into. Rather than being left on our own and told our suffering isn’t real, or is all in our heads. We’re all victims of the thing that was supposed to help us, not destroy us.

[Erimus]

Today has been pretty unpleasant. But I’ve managed to eat and take care of a couple of DIY jobs. Just trying my best to navigate each day. Would like to get back to walking each day. Since moving house it’s not been as easy due to spending my energy doing other things.

[Erimus]

This morning has been rather unpleasant, to say the least. Lots of fatigue and body jerks. I guess these are what people call brain zaps. Hopefully the afternoon bears some nicer fruits. Maybe my nervous system is making some important adjustments, let’s hope!

 

Whatever is going on, I can feel my body is working really hard every day. I’m definitely much improved compared to even 3 months ago. Time is a great healer.
 

Tennis to watch at 2pm GMT so that’s a decent distraction for a couple of hours. 

[BigDave]

Hey @Erimus thanks for your message on my own thread. Always appreciated. 😊

 

It's good that you're looking to get help financially. That will hopefully take some pressure off and allow you to concentrate on getting better. 

 

I know from reading your earlier post that you're feeling like you're missing out on life at your age but once you get over this hard time you'll enjoy life even more than others your age and you'll still be a young man. Keep that hope alive mate. 

 

Hope you enjoyed the tennis! 😊

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Erimus]

Cheers mate @BigDave. One thing is for sure, I won’t let this beat me. I have to keep reminding myself that life is long and this is only one chapter. We all have challenges thrown at us, this one is just proving difficult to beat. I’ll get there in the end.

[Erimus]

9th June 2022: 6 months later

 

I thought now would be a good time to do a big update. It’s 6 months on from my horrible crash in December 2021 and also from my first post on the forum.

 

When I read through my initial post it’s clear to see how far I’ve come. What’s even more clear is the fact that I could have avoided most of the suffering by stabilising on a much higher dose. My stubbornness has been my weakness. My body is still undoing changes from the higher doses in a rather extreme way, which presents with unpleasant symptoms. I wouldn’t want withdrawal to be any worse than the current state, and it’s been so much worse than this. I’m guessing my nervous system still wants around 55mg sertraline but I’m happy to just wait it out now. 
 

There’s a few symptoms that still make my life difficult most days. The restlessness feeling in my arms still surfaces for little windows most days. The tension headaches come and go frequently throughout each day. My legs still buzz/vibrate for windows most days. I still have a fair bit of indigestion which presents as burping and occasional reflux. I still get quite a lot of chills/shivers, some days it is more prevalent than others. The muscle aches in my arms are mostly gone. I still get head rushes when I stand up sometimes, but this used to be constant. I used to spend pretty much all day every day laying down, I spend a lot more time upright now.

 

I still feel nervous pretty much all day every day. There isn’t any windows where I feel completely relaxed but most of the time it’s at a level where I can push through and do chores and tasks. I can feel myself slowly lurching forward with each month that passes.

[Erimus]

This is my updated symptom tracker in comparison to when I first posted it last year:

 

Symptom tracker (intensity/10); (Dec 2021) -> (June 2022):

 

Indigestion/acid reflux (9/10) -> (3/10)

Anxiety waves (7/10) -> (2/10)

Shortness of breath (7/10) -> (2/10)

Tension headaches (5/10) -> (3/10) 

Hot flushes/sweating (5/10) -> (1/10)

Constipation (5/10) -> (2/10)

Insomnia (3/10) -> (1/10)

Sweaty palms (4/10) -> (1/10)

Muscle tension in shoulders/neck (3/10) -> (0/10)

Inability to concentrate (5/10) -> (2/10)
 

Some extra symptoms I’ll score for future reference:

 

Jaw tension (3/10)

Dizziness when standing (2/10)

Coated tongue from dry mouth (4/10)

Restless arms(3/10)

Nausea (1/10)

Irritability (0/10)

Facial grimacing/gurning(?) (1/10)

Brain/body zaps/jerks (4/10)

[Erimus]

In some ways I am grateful that I had this negative reaction to the drugs straight away. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to have never been exposed to SSRI’s, but I’d much rather now than 5-10 years down the line. All the experience and information I have gained now should set me up with a vast understanding of my own mental and physical health through hours of research and lots of suffering. 
 

Although I’ve not been moving forward with my career, I’ve learnt a hell of a lot about health and a tonne of other subject areas along this journey. When I overcome this and finally finish my degree I’ll be like an old soul with my wisdom and ways. I feel like this mind and body shattering experience will make me so strong and resilient. If I can beat this I can beat anything.

When I think about the things that used to make me nervous or worried, I laugh. The only downside now is I struggle with empathy towards others and their problems, because I’m always comparing to mine. I guess as you transition more towards normality again you slide into your old ways and habits. Hopefully one day withdrawal will be a distant memory than I can use in difficult times.

[Erimus]

People are always asking me what I do all day, as if I’ve been on some sort of extended holiday for 20 months, relaxing and dossing about. You have to actually be relaxed in order to be bored. I haven’t felt relaxed in about 14 months. Just a perpetual state of differing levels of constant anxiety and nervousness. Everything I do I’m forcing myself through necessity, not out of interest or joy.
 

When I put it into words like that it shocks me as to how I’ve survived for so long like this. Some days I don’t know how I’m still alive, but my lungs are still breathing and my heart still beating. That’s all that matters on the worst days. 
 

If I spoke to a doctor they wouldn’t believe me. It would make this whole experience so much less isolating and lonely if you had an understanding doctor fighting your corner. Just someone to affirm to others that what you are experiencing is in fact very real, not some sort of self-induced suffering that you bring to yourself every day you wake up.

 

Contrary to some beliefs. No, I do not actually enjoy this happening to me every day. Yes, I would like to be moving forward with my life, but this is not currently possible due to an ongoing illness that has physically and mentally rendered me non-functional for 20 months.

[eileen1111]

@Erimus I know exactly what you mean....the fight that each day of 'nothing' consists of is unreal. It's the cruel nature of this kind of illness that it's also invisible. but it's paying off - you're seeing improvements !!

[Erimus]

Where do others find the motivation to keep going? Some days the despair is so overwhelming. It’s relentless, day after day.

 

I need to get out more. It’s a viscous circle. Feel bad —> don’t get out —> feel worse

[BigDave]

Hey @Erimus I can totally empathise with you. Long term illness is tough to endure. The hope that I will be back to a normal me is what keeps me putting one foot in front of the other. Of course you and others might debate just how "normal" that really is! 😀

 

Your 6 month post and updated symptom tracker earlier this week is really encouraging. Keep your chin up and focus on how good life will be when you're better. 👊

 

Getting out, even if it's just a short walk, is a really good idea. It's good to take interest in everything going on around you and helps to take your focus off your own problems.

[Erimus]

I’ve got out for a walk the past 2 nights which is progress. I think part of the not going out is fear of bumping into people I know and explaining what’s happened to me. I live in the sort of town where you see someone you know every time you go out.
 

It kind of feels like 1.5 steps forward and 1 step back at the moment. So over 30 days I’ll go forward 45 steps and backwards 30. You think a symptom has abated for a couple days then it comes back. 
 

Thanks for the encouragement @BigDave
 

 

[Ariel]

Hi @Erimus

1 hour ago, Erimus said:

I’ve got out for a walk the past 2 nights which is progress.

Yes, this is really good. 

I find it encouraging and uplifting to see that you're getting better and better at acknowledging improvements. That's awesome, and evidence of a healing brain. Your constructive, positive outlook -- despite the challenges of what you're going through -- will take you far, and I'm sure it's serving you in recovery. Well done!

I know it can be so hard, but you're doing a great job, and things are getting better. I'm cheering for you.

In solidarity and support, 
A.

[Erimus]

Thank you for your words of encouragement @Ariel. You do a great job spreading your kindness and compassion to so many others on the website, while also fighting your own battle. I try my best to stay positive but some days are just hard; I can’t sugarcoat it.

[Ariel]

5 minutes ago, Erimus said:

I try my best to stay positive but some days are just hard; I can’t sugarcoat it.

Nor should you. I applaud your honesty, and sincerely believe it benefits us all. Fake positivity can be toxic, same goes for spiritual bypassing. 

Good for you for speaking plainly and telling it like it is. I am not so good at writing openly about the hardest things but always appreciate it when someone else demonstrates the courage to speak out. Thank you. 

Not least, this is a public forum and an ongoing research project. We owe it to ourselves, each other, and the world to share our truth about the possible serious harm of these drugs. 

[Mirtazapine20mg]

Hi @Erimus

 

I have read your posts from time to time and they gives me great comfort in the 'I'm not alone' way. And they are really well written. I have been on the mirtazapine + ISSR (aka California Rocket fuel) combo for ages. You don't have to reply, you just made me think, and thank you for that :-). 

On 5/22/2022 at 1:46 PM, Erimus said:

The fatigue is really getting to me today. I get so frustrated because my body just gives up on me. The combination of sertraline and mirtazapine is leaving me with no physical or mental energy. I hate being redundant and useless. I used to be able to do everything and I can’t do much these days. Thanks to the doctors for making me into a permanently exhausted zombie.

California Rocket Fuel is the most misleading label for MIRT + ISSR one could choose. There is absolutely nothing "Rocket" about it. For me this fatigue-thing is a strange beast. Earlier in my life, when I found some activity meaningful, be it leisure or work, I did something. Now, I want to do something but I am somehow pharmaceutical 'locked': At gunpoint I would vacuum, but just sitting here I can't get from 'I should' to 'do'. It is as if there is a void or a glass wall between 'I should' and taking action or as if the part of the brain that amplify desire enough to take action is hibernating. As you can see I'm really struggling to describe the feeling of fatigue. In my case it is not so much physical as it is mental fatigue. If I feel any muscle fatigue, and I do sometimes, I think the cause is not doing enough because of mental fatigue. So the causality is drugs -> mental fatigue (locked non-action feeling) -> general fatigue (including muscle fatigue). Maybe I can compare with tiredness you feel when you have done really hard work (climb a mountain or something) and sits down and it is hard to get going again. It just there from the minute I wake up and primarily mental problem. I have a lot of morning dread. Sometimes I wonder if it is just tiredness the rest of the day from this morning dread (you know the cortisol-thing).

[Erimus]

@Mirtazapine20mgI completely agree on the fatigue viewpoint. I don’t experience much physical fatigue from exertion. This is because my mental state has rendered me redundant in my life. I have no capacity to function like a normal human in modern society.
 

At least now I know what the problem is. Only in the last 6 months or so have I worked out that the drugs were making me feel this way. Now just the almighty task of getting off them.. what a life ay!

[Erimus]

When speaking with doctors about withdrawal is there anything I should be aware of? I’ve got an in-person appointment next week and I want to discuss my horrific experience over the last 20 months on sertraline. I’m also cautious about coming across tbe wrong way, I’ll have to try and bite my tongue if I get angry. I just want someone to support me through the taper process and my decisions if required.

 

Im going to print out the report from the Royal College of Psychiatrists to take with me. I’m just quite nervous about it going the wrong way and me snapping.