Chlo

[Pollyjay]

Chio, I just started reading your thread today. My heart goes out to you!! I'm so sorry about the loss of your dear husband. I'm so glad you have your Mother and family for support.

 

It was loss and grief that landed me on meds a few months ago and it's so hard to untangle what are the side effects of the meds or the deep grief I'm suffering. It's a nightmare. 

 

I will keep you in my prayers. Prayers are all that's keeping me going. May the Lord have his hand upon you and bring you through this terrible time in your life. 

 

Hugs to you,

Polly

 

Hugs to you

[Chlo]

On 4/1/2022 at 2:27 PM, Pollyjay said:

Chio, I just started reading your thread today. My heart goes out to you!! I'm so sorry about the loss of your dear husband. I'm so glad you have your Mother and family for support.

 

It was loss and grief that landed me on meds a few months ago and it's so hard to untangle what are the side effects of the meds or the deep grief I'm suffering. It's a nightmare. 

 

I will keep you in my prayers. Prayers are all that's keeping me going. May the Lord have his hand upon you and bring you through this terrible time in your life. 

 

Hugs to you,

Polly

 

Hugs to you

Hello @Pollyjay Unfortunately I have been on AD'S for 20 years. COVID is what messed all up.. It's been a real struggle these past 6 months, then losing my husband on top of that.. 

 

My daughter is currently in labor with my 2nd grandbaby. I can use some joy right now, my whole family could. They had to induce her a month early because she developed cholestasis. So some prayers would be greatly appreciated. 

The Lord has pulled me so much closer to him, I sleep, eat, and breath the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I honestly do not know how I would cope without him.

Thank you for your concern, love, and prayers to you as well ❤

I'm always here to listen and talk. Hugs!!

[Pollyjay]

Oh! I'm praying right now for your daughter! I hope all goes well for her and the new little bundle! I'm so happy that you have this to look forward to after all you have been through. Please update when the baby is born!! Congratulations!!!

 

Yes, like you, I'm in constant prayer. Some days it's feels like there's no hope of ever being normal again. But then today I had a little window, with much reduced anxiety. Was able to get out of bed and get outside for most of the afternoon. I actually rode/trained my little horse! I'm having terrible pain though from acid reflux. I see you are on Omeprazole so you must have some experience with it also. 

 

We had a little lamb born here on our farm a couple of weeks ago. She needed a name beginning with C.( her mother's name is Clementine)  I'm kind of running out of names, so she's now Chio!!  

[Chlo]

31 minutes ago, Pollyjay said:

Oh! I'm praying right now for your daughter! I hope all goes well for her and the new little bundle! I'm so happy that you have this to look forward to after all you have been through. Please update when the baby is born!! Congratulations!!!

 

Yes, like you, I'm in constant prayer. Some days it's feels like there's no hope of ever being normal again. But then today I had a little window, with much reduced anxiety. Was able to get out of bed and get outside for most of the afternoon. I actually rode/trained my little horse! I'm having terrible pain though from acid reflux. I see you are on Omeprazole so you must have some experience with it also. 

 

We had a little lamb born here on our farm a couple of weeks ago. She needed a name beginning with C.( her mother's name is Clementine)  I'm kind of running out of names, so she's now Chio!!  

Awww I wish I lived on a farm with lots of animals, Lots of therapy! My name is actually Chrissy, Chlo was my mini weeny dogs name that also passed away. 

I am honored that your baby lamb is named after me, ty!

I have been on Omeprazol for 10 years, started on 40 mg, down to 20mg. I honestly believe that the antidepressant caused me to have acid reflux. It's one of the many side effects of AD. I was also taking famodine at night, but now off of it. 

Trying to get off all my medication. I am seeing a Holistic doctor and taking some supplements. 

Well I am off to bed, goodnight my friend, blessings to you 💕 

[Chlo]

@Altostrata 

Tapered 3/28/22 Escitalopram 3.75ml

As of today, 8 days later, I have yet to have a window. 

My anxiety has gotten worse.

4-4-22 Diary

8:00am- woke up with high cortisol and anxiety

8:30am- meditation 

9:00am- panic, dizzy, air hungry

10:00am- Escitalopram 3.75mL 

10:30am- heavy chest, breathless, sadness

11:30am- panic attack, breathless, crying

Noon- Omeprazol 20mg 

Dizzy, lethargic 

1:00pm- Dizzy, lethargic, breathless, panic 

2:00pm- small lunch, Omega3, Vitamin C, panic attack, crying spell 

3:00pm- heavy chest, heavy crying spell, breathless 

4:00pm- anxious, crying spell 

5:00pm- magnesium glycinate, Omega3, Atorvastatin 20mg, crying spell

6:00pm- anxious, feeling some better, supper

7:00pm- dog park

8:00pm- lethargic 

9:00pm- better

10:30pm- Magnesium glycinate 

11:00pm- Mirtazapine 15mg 

11:15pm-sleep

1:30am- tossed and turned 

8:00am- woke up with high anxiety 

 

4-5-22 Diary

8:00am- woke up with high anxiety, cannot relax, heavy chest 

9:00am- panic, heavy chest, breathless, restless 

10:00am- Escitalopram 3.75mL

10:30am- anxious, breathless, yawning, air hungry, brain fog 

11:30am- Omeprazol 20mg, anxious, yawning, panic, heavy chest, crying spell 

12:30pm- crying spell, anxious, yawning 

1:30pm- dizzy, restless, head pressure 

[Altostrata]

What is your sleep pattern, @Chlo?

[Chlo]

17 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

What is your sleep pattern, @Chlo?

Mirtazapine 15mg at 11:00pm. Normally sleep all night til 7:30 or 8:00am. Wake up to spiked cortisol levels and high tension and panic. When I do wake up I just feel like I haven't had any sleep. Very lethargic and dizzy.

@Altostrata

[Altostrata]

What effect does the mirtazapine have on you, after you take it?

[Chlo]

2 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

What effect does the mirtazapine have on you, after you take it?

I feel some dizziness then it knocks me out til daylight comes. @Altostrata

[Altostrata]

The mirtazapine dosage may be too high. But you can reduce only one drug at a time, then you need to wait to see what happens.

[Chlo]

1 minute ago, Altostrata said:

The mirtazapine dosage may be too high. But you can reduce only one drug at a time, then you need to wait to see what happens.

@Altostrata could I hold on the Escitalopram for 4 weeks,  then reduce on the Mirtazapine? Or do I need to wait til I completely taper from the Escitalopram before reducing the Mirtazapine? I was wondering if the Mirtazapine was too strong as you stated. 

[Altostrata]

Let's see how the escitalopram reduction goes for a week. Then let's talk about reducing mirtazapine.

[Chlo]

Just now, Altostrata said:

Let's see how the escitalopram reduction goes for a week. Then let's talk about reducing mirtazapine.

Alright, thank you🤍

[Chlo]

@Altostrata 

Have you or any other moderators considered writing in to Dr. Phil to appear on the show to discuss the misuse and withdrawals of AD and Benzos? I have thought about it, and mentioning you and Baylissa Frederick. I wish the world new the pain and suffering we go through. Between your organization and baylissa.com site, you 2 seem to be the only source of support we sufferers have. And how grateful we truly are, Thank you from the bottom of my heart 🤍

[Altostrata]

I think you should do that, @Chlo!

[Chlo]

2 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

I think you should do that, @Chlo!

I will get right on it 🙂

[ExtraSpearmint]

How are you doing @ Chlo

 

[Pollyjay]

Chio, I'm thinking of you and praying for you. Are you doing any better? Have you seen  your new grandbaby?

[Chlo]

2 hours ago, Pollyjay said:

Chio, I'm thinking of you and praying for you. Are you doing any better? Have you seen  your new grandbaby?

Today was pretty good minus the panic attacks.  And yes, I am visiting my grandbaby right now. I am so in love!! Thank you very much for your prayers. I love you, hugs!!

[Pollyjay]

I hope you continue to have better days. I know all about panic attacks! I'm so glad your are getting to spend time with the new baby. Do you have a little boy or a girl? Do they live close by? I'm continuing to pray for you. I keep thinking about you. 

 

Hugs,

 

Polly

[Chlo]

On 4/8/2022 at 10:38 AM, Pollyjay said:

I hope you continue to have better days. I know all about panic attacks! I'm so glad your are getting to spend time with the new baby. Do you have a little boy or a girl? Do they live close by? I'm continuing to pray for you. I keep thinking about you. 

 

Hugs,

 

Polly

My new grandbaby is a boy, his name is Costa. Full head of hair and 1 little dimple on his cheek. They live about 2 mile from me so I get to see them daily. 

Why is it that when I think about my children or grandchildren my heart feels heavy and I just want to cry? It's like in the back of my mind I'm thinking about not being my usual self before withdrawals.  Like I'll never be able to play and love on them like I used to, it makes me so sad and depressed.  Just breaks my heart. But when the night comes around I feel better and more normal. I cry so much and I'm afraid I will never experience joy again. 

Will my heart ever mend?

 

Hope your having a great weekend, love you 🙂

[Pollyjay]

Dear Chio, I'm saying special prayers for you right now. That the Lord will make a way and bring you back to your full self so that you can love and enjoy your precious little grand children.

 

I know exactly how you are feeling!! I ask the same  question over and over multiple times a day. I feel like I'll never be "me" again. But having tapered off and recovered from Paxil ten years ago, I know recovery happens. I remember back then - just as now!  I kept asking "Will I ever get better?"  I ask my husband over and over "please tell me I'm going to get better!"  The same with my mother in law. I just need to keep hearing "girl, your're going to get better! 

 

Back then in 20011/12 all seemed hopeless and lost. I remember going out to feed one of our ducks that had just hatched about 10 baby ducklings. I looked at them and felt absolutely nothing! It was horrible. I mean how cute are little ducklings?  But it was like looking at a carboard box. I felt nothing whatsoever.  It shocked and scared me to death. I thought it was all over and I would never "feel" anything again. But over time, it very slowly came back. One day I'd get that little spark of "oh, look at that! It's so pretty!) and the next it would be gone again. But the sparks kept coming at unpredictable times and eventually I was feeling more and more normal and able to take pleasure in things. 

 

Something else that happened.  Back before losing my Mom - my best friend- and falling to pieces - which is why I ended up on Paxil-  I'd been building small, back yard chicken coops and selling them online. When I'm "normal" I always have a bunch of projects going on. Art, woodwork, spinning, knitting, building things...  But anhedonia hit and all that interest and enthusiasm dropped to zero while on Paxil. Again I was scared and beside myself, convinced that  I'd never enjoy anything again. But one day we went to The Home  Depot for something hubby needed. I was trudging along behind him my head in the fog of WD feeling like I wasn't even on this planet.  We walked through those sliding glass doors into the lumber section. I couldn't believe it. It was like a jolt that came right out of the blue. The smell of the pine lumber triggered something and I suddenly felt the inspiration to get back to building!!! Our sense of smell can be really powerful in bringing us "back".   I remember it gave me so much hope that my brain was recovering. That the old, "real" me was still in there. And sure enough I did recover and one of the first things I did was build a little chicken coop for my neighbor across the creek. In fact I can see it from my bedroom window. I'm using it as a reminder that YES! I recovered back then and there's no reason why I shouldn't recover again.  I went on to enjoy lots of little ducklings, lambs and baby goats. 

 

But right now, I'm right where you are. I don't have grand babies but I have my son whose been going through some terrible times.( I updated my introduction with everything that's been going on).  It's killing me that I'm not fully there for him. My husband has gone to help him, I so much want to be there also but there's no way at this moment in time, that I could function without becoming overwhelmed and collapsing into fits of tears and anxiety. 

 

You and I are both also going through the grief process which is compounding things. So please don't beat yourself up. I just keep praying that when this is all over I'll be able to be there for some other poor soul who's going through this nightmare. I hope I can help them and be of some comfort to others. 

 

We'll come through this mess  together, Chio!

 

 

[Chlo]

On 4/9/2022 at 3:42 PM, Pollyjay said:

Dear Chio, I'm saying special prayers for you right now. That the Lord will make a way and bring you back to your full self so that you can love and enjoy your precious little grand children.

 

I know exactly how you are feeling!! I ask the same  question over and over multiple times a day. I feel like I'll never be "me" again. But having tapered off and recovered from Paxil ten years ago, I know recovery happens. I remember back then - just as now!  I kept asking "Will I ever get better?"  I ask my husband over and over "please tell me I'm going to get better!"  The same with my mother in law. I just need to keep hearing "girl, your're going to get better! 

 

Back then in 20011/12 all seemed hopeless and lost. I remember going out to feed one of our ducks that had just hatched about 10 baby ducklings. I looked at them and felt absolutely nothing! It was horrible. I mean how cute are little ducklings?  But it was like looking at a carboard box. I felt nothing whatsoever.  It shocked and scared me to death. I thought it was all over and I would never "feel" anything again. But over time, it very slowly came back. One day I'd get that little spark of "oh, look at that! It's so pretty!) and the next it would be gone again. But the sparks kept coming at unpredictable times and eventually I was feeling more and more normal and able to take pleasure in things. 

 

Something else that happened.  Back before losing my Mom - my best friend- and falling to pieces - which is why I ended up on Paxil-  I'd been building small, back yard chicken coops and selling them online. When I'm "normal" I always have a bunch of projects going on. Art, woodwork, spinning, knitting, building things...  But anhedonia hit and all that interest and enthusiasm dropped to zero while on Paxil. Again I was scared and beside myself, convinced that  I'd never enjoy anything again. But one day we went to The Home  Depot for something hubby needed. I was trudging along behind him my head in the fog of WD feeling like I wasn't even on this planet.  We walked through those sliding glass doors into the lumber section. I couldn't believe it. It was like a jolt that came right out of the blue. The smell of the pine lumber triggered something and I suddenly felt the inspiration to get back to building!!! Our sense of smell can be really powerful in bringing us "back".   I remember it gave me so much hope that my brain was recovering. That the old, "real" me was still in there. And sure enough I did recover and one of the first things I did was build a little chicken coop for my neighbor across the creek. In fact I can see it from my bedroom window. I'm using it as a reminder that YES! I recovered back then and there's no reason why I shouldn't recover again.  I went on to enjoy lots of little ducklings, lambs and baby goats. 

 

But right now, I'm right where you are. I don't have grand babies but I have my son whose been going through some terrible times.( I updated my introduction with everything that's been going on).  It's killing me that I'm not fully there for him. My husband has gone to help him, I so much want to be there also but there's no way at this moment in time, that I could function without becoming overwhelmed and collapsing into fits of tears and anxiety. 

 

You and I are both also going through the grief process which is compounding things. So please don't beat yourself up. I just keep praying that when this is all over I'll be able to be there for some other poor soul who's going through this nightmare. I hope I can help them and be of some comfort to others. 

 

We'll come through this mess  together, Chio!

 

 

Hello sweetheart,  sorry I am just now responding.  I had a really good day yesterday,  was able to get a lot of stuff done around the house. My son and I are going to move to an apartment close to my mom within the next few months. So we all selling a lot of things and preparing for a garage sale at the first of the month. We are downsizing. 
Woke up this morning with high anxiety, but was able to praise and worship my God during church this morning. Also dealing with the distorted taste and smell. But you know what...I will get by with the help from my mom, you, and SA support, and my children. This too WILL pass! I try not to read most of the posts from the Facebook AD sites, they truly can bring you down. I haven't completed my taper and what some of those have said that are 13 months off, they are still suffering. It looks like for the next 4 years I will be suffering too 😥 I prat my family will still be supporting me then. I still have my father God, Jesus Christ,  and holy spirit within me supporting me too. If I could just get rid of the heaviness in my chest, feels like I'm gasping for air throught the day. I dread the morning and mid day, because the evenings seem better. Are the evenings better for you? Then I think about when I'm finally done tapering the Escitalopram,  then I have to start the tapering from Mirtazapine.  
Dear Jesus,  please remind me one day at a time. 
Matthew 6:34 is “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. 

💚💚

I find a lot of brand new things at garage sales that I give for gifts. I'm a thrift store, clearance rack, garage sale gift giver 🙂

I know what you mean about wanting to be there for out boys, it's hard holding back the tears. I can cry a river by just thinking about my son. It's gut wrenching and scary. I'm praying the Lord gives us peace in knowing that he is helping our boys, he has taken our worries, he has complete control and is turning it all around for the better on behalf of us. 

I love you my friend, sleep well💚

[Pollyjay]

Chio just letting you know I'm thinking of you!

 

I'm so glad you've had a a couple of good days in spite of the anxiety. It can be so difficult to function through, but it sounds like you are doing a great job!

 

Yes, I tend to feel a lot better at night. I find myself saying "Why can't I feel this good during the day!" My worst time is between 4pm and 8pm. I begin to get very anxious and antsy. And if I come in the house I feel very claustrophobic.My mother in law always calls me around 7pm as she knows I'm usually struggling around that time. It's always so good to hear her comforting voice. She prays for me and assures me that I'm going to get better. Then I go back outside and try to  stay out as long as possible.  Lately it's the crying!!! It hits me in wave throughout the day. For the longest time I couldn't cry, was wishing I could, but now it's the opposite.  But I know, as you said "This too shall pass!!!"

 

I'm trying to find something off the farm that will help me get "out of my head" if you know what I mean. I have lots of farm tasks to do here but it's all pretty mundane and my mind  still has time to dwell on things.  We are a long way from town and I see very few people .No one really.  There's a senior citizens art group that meets twice a month in town. I'd like to go but I'm having trouble getting into anything like that. Maybe once I got there it would spark an interest. I'm praying that this anhedonia will lift and I can get back to enjoying my animals and hobbies again.

 

Thank you for the Mathew 34 reminder. I really need to keep that verse in my mind and try better to live by it!

 

Chio, did I miss something, regarding your son? Is he sick or something? I will be praying for him as well as you and the rest of your family and the precious little baby.

 

(((Hugs)))

 

Polly

 

Hugs to you!

[Chlo]

I was feeling pretty good this morning,  went to eat lunch with my mom at a new BBQ place, I felt a wave coming on and I woke up with EMS talking to me. My mom said my eyes rolled back in my head and I passed out. I'm scared, what is going on with me, am I ever going to function normally again? 

 

@Altostrata @Frogie @Shep

[Pollyjay]

44 minutes ago, Chlo said:

I was feeling pretty good this morning,  went to eat lunch with my mom at a new BBQ place, I felt a wave coming on and I woke up with EMS talking to me. My mom said my eyes rolled back in my head and I passed out. I'm scared, what is going on with me, am I ever going to function normally again? 

 

@Altostrata @Frogie @Shep

Oh Chio! I'm so sorry to hear this. The same thing happened to my neighbor just a couple of weeks ago. Did you go to the hospital?

 

Please know that I'm here, praying for you. And definitely praying that you will function normally again soon! I'm sending warm hugs and thinking of you. May the Lord hold you in the palm of his hand and may you feel his presence with you.

 

Love you,

 

Polly

[Chlo]

3 minutes ago, Pollyjay said:

Oh Chio! I'm so sorry to hear this. The same thing happened to my neighbor just a couple of weeks ago. Did you go to the hospital?

 

Please know that I'm here, praying for you. And definitely praying that you will function normally again soon! I'm sending warm hugs and thinking of you. May the Lord hold you in the palm of his hand and may you feel his presence with you.

 

Love you,

 

Polly

Yes the ambulance came. CT scan, blood work, and xray came back normal. They gave me Zofran for nausea. I hope the Zofran doesn't throw me into worse wd. Thank you @Pollyjayfor the prayers

[Pollyjay]

1 minute ago, Chlo said:

Yes the ambulance came. CT scan, blood work, and xray came back normal. They gave me Zofran for nausea. I hope the Zofran doesn't throw me into worse wd. Thank you @Pollyjayfor the prayers

I'm glad all tests came back normal.  ((((Chio)))) I'm glad your Mom was with you. Are you home now? Are you alone?

[Altostrata]

Perhaps you might eat bland foods for a while.

[Chlo]

6 minutes ago, Pollyjay said:

I'm glad all tests came back normal.  ((((Chio)))) I'm glad your Mom was with you. Are you home now? Are you alone?

Mom is with me at home❤

[Pollyjay]

16 hours ago, Chlo said:

Mom is with me at home❤

 

Thinking of you. You could also have been dehydrated; so make sure to keep your fluids up.

 

Hugs to you - and Mom!

[Chlo]

1 hour ago, Pollyjay said:

 

Thinking of you. You could also have been dehydrated; so make sure to keep your fluids up.

 

Hugs to you - and Mom!

I stay hydrated, drinking water and Propel all day. I really don't know what caused it. I just had a exhausting feeling and bam it hit me. Now I'm so anxious over it, worring it will happen again 😔

[Chlo]

17 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Perhaps you might eat bland foods for a while.

I normally do. I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced this. It scared me, and still does. I don't want it happening again. 

[Frogie]

@Chlo

 

I'm so sorry to hear what happened. 

 

I'm sure you are fine, you were fully checked out. It could be that your body just finally let go of everything that you have been going through also.

 

But I would eat a bland diet for a while and see if that helps too.

 

Take care.

[Pollyjay]

Chio, it's only natural to be scared after something like that. Did they suggest any follow up with your doctor?

 

I had a couple of spells like that when I was tapering paxil. I didn't pass out completely but the second time it happened I was also very sick, vomiting and extremely weak. That turned out to be low potassium and a urinary tract infection. But I'm sure they must have checked all that while you were in the ER. 

[Chlo]

Just now, Pollyjay said:

Chio, it's only natural to be scared after something like that. Did they suggest any follow up with your doctor?

 

I had a couple of spells like that when I was tapering paxil. I didn't pass out completely but the second time it happened I was also very sick, vomiting and extremely weak. That turned out to be low potassium and a urinary tract infection. But I'm sure they must have checked all that while you were in the ER. 

The morning of I had lab work done to check my vitamin deficiency. So it could be from having too much blood drawn. My primary is going to have me wear a heart monitor for a few days. I haven't got my results back yet from blood work. I eat lots of banana. I feel real tired today.