Lauren90: history with sertraline

[Lauren90]

On 7/4/2022 at 10:54 AM, Ariel said:

Hi @Lauren90

Thinking of you ❤️

Hi!!! Thanks for checking in! How are you? All is -decent- over here. Have some family in town, but I like these family members lol, so it’s not too bad. A little more stressful than usual though because I’m entertaining and trying to keep my mind off of my akathisia. Out and about more than usual as well so also trying to just, well, not panic? 

[Ariel]

@Lauren90

Distracting is an excellent non-drug coping technique, and sometimes the only one available. Good job!

Hang in there, it gets better <3

 

[Lauren90]

Just a little diary entry for myself:

 

Beg of may - awful akathisia, internal and mental. Writhing on the bed, crawling around crying like a baby. Every morning cortisol surges with vomiting and diarrhea. Lasted approx 3 weeks? Could not think straight until 1pm every day. Could not concentrate. Don’t know how I didn’t lose my job. 

 

End of May - akathisia a little better but panic attacks start up more frequently. Probably because I was traveling during this time. Morning cortisol surges settle a bit. Headaches during this period. 

 

Beg of June - low grade akathisia is pretty constant and uncomfortable. Always in the back of my mind. Severe anxiety in morning revs back up. Things get better at some point. Palpitations become more prominent than Akathisia. Other symptoms worse than akathisia so akathisia falls to background noise. Other symptoms: random sharp shooting pains in chest, palpitations, icepick headaches, migraines. Obsessive thoughts. 

 

End of June to beg/mid of July - akathisia ramps up again. severe morning anxiety, some DR. Family in town. Had Covid. Decided to taper off of the propranolol. Decided it wasn’t helping, at least at the low dose I was taking, so I would rather not use it. Get worse headaches during this time. Possibly from coming off propranolol. 

 

Mid/end July to beg of Aug- things are OK. Palpitations more prominent than akathisia. Neck pain returns. Level of akathisia decreases to a low roar. Started surfing during this time. Doing more work activities outside of work. Felt like “ok this is a window”. Felt really good, not 100%, but if felt really good to feel improvements. I wasn’t just waiting for the days to end. 

 

Aug 4- akathisia ramps up while husband out of town after I spent the night wondering if I accidentally doubled my dose. (Might have- don’t think I did but it’s a possibility and it freaked me out). Ate a lot of sugar, not as strict with diet. Still going out and doing things. Still surfing, even with fear and akathisia. Nervous before I go out to surf, calm in the water. Anxiety once I exit the water sometimes. But the cold water feels so nice on my face I almost crave it. 

 

I really want to continue my taper, but when I get hit with a bad akathisia day I tell myself there’s no way that I can. I’m hoping the windows are proof to myself that holding since February is a good idea. I have to remind myself there is no rush. If it takes me ten years, that’s what it takes. I did not have an easy taper journey even when I started my slow taper at 5% cuts, so I don’t want to compound my problems at the moment. I’d rather continue to try to stabilize, taper extremely slow, and hopefully have a smooth journey versus rushing and digging myself into a deep hole I can’t escape from. Getting down to 50 from 200 after 20+ years is already a huge accomplishment. 

[Lauren90]

What an awful morning. Cortisol surges are back. Husband is out of town again. Things seem to get worse (or feel worse) when he is gone. He’s such an amazing support to me during all this that when he leaves, I feel like I’m spiraling. But I’m trying to keep it together. Trying to go into the office instead of WFH. Luckily the morning surge only lasted about an hour after I got out of bed. Dry heaving made me feel better, sadly. Something about releasing that energy I suppose. Back in May the surges were lasting from 7am until 1pm. Hard to tell if things are improving or if I’m just getting better at dealing with some of the issues. I guess it’s progress either way. Physical restlessness still here today. It’s always here. Always in the background if it’s not right up front. The company I don’t want to keep. 
 

I just want stability. I want to be akathisia free. I want to have a child with my husband. 

 

Some days I feel so hopeful that I’m healing, even while still on the meds, and sometimes I wonder if it’s possible while still on. I’m not putting pressure on myself to get completely off, just to go as low as I can and feel ok. Right now that’s 50mg, and I still don’t feel ok most days. Praying for stability to continue my healing journey. 
 

That’s it for today. 

[Lauren90]

Things were okay today. Even though I had a mini panic attack. I’m proud I didn’t reach for a bromazepam. I was able to ride it out. I have been dizzy today though. My cycle seems to be a little messed up this month so maybe that’s why. I also noticed when I have eaten sweets the last two days, I immediately felt a ramp up in my akathisia symptoms. Maybe it’s all in my head, but maybe it’s not. Going to start an anti inflammatory diet, while trying to cut out some high histamine foods as well, after this weekend. (Going to the desert). Hoping I can enjoy the trip. It’s been a while since I went on a trip just to enjoy myself. Usually our traveling happens because of someone else’s schedules and/or major life events, not just for relaxation.

 

another thought I had today that really freaked me out… even asked my therapist about it. With the whole “chemical imbalance” theory being debunked and now actually talked about more widely, would they ever take antidepressants off the market? Would it force us to all cold turkey? My therapist told me no way, not in America, too much of a money maker. Unless someone is dropping dead immediately after taking the pills from a stroke or heart attack (I know it could be argued that this happens) it would still be on the market. Anyways, freaked me out to think about it. 
 

thoughts? 
 

[ChessieCat]

1 hour ago, Lauren90 said:

Even though I had a mini panic attack. I’m proud I didn’t reach for a bromazepam. I was able to ride it out.

 

This is good.  Well done. 😊

 

1 hour ago, Lauren90 said:

I also noticed when I have eaten sweets the last two days, I immediately felt a ramp up in my akathisia symptoms. Maybe it’s all in my head, but maybe it’s not.

 

Other members have posted about certain foods causing issues.

 

1 hour ago, Lauren90 said:

Going to start an anti inflammatory diet, while trying to cut out some high histamine foods as well, after this weekend.

 

When changing anything, it is a good idea to do it gradually.

[Lauren90]

11 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

1 hour ago, Lauren90 said:

 

 

When changing anything, it is a good idea to do it gradually

Yes, I’ll keep that in mind. The good thing is, the diet includes a lot of things I already eat anyways. I’ve ordered a cookbook and found a nice blog with a bunch of recipes. I’ll post any results later on. 

Hope you’re doing well!

[Ariel]

14 hours ago, Lauren90 said:

Things were okay today. Even though I had a mini panic attack. I’m proud I didn’t reach for a bromazepam. I was able to ride it out. I have been dizzy today though. My cycle seems to be a little messed up this month so maybe that’s why. I also noticed when I have eaten sweets the last two days, I immediately felt a ramp up in my akathisia symptoms. Maybe it’s all in my head, but maybe it’s not. Going to start an anti inflammatory diet, while trying to cut out some high histamine foods as well, after this weekend. (Going to the desert). Hoping I can enjoy the trip. It’s been a while since I went on a trip just to enjoy myself. Usually our traveling happens because of someone else’s schedules and/or major life events, not just for relaxation.

 

Sounds like you're doing really good work, @Lauren90

Give yourself lots of credit! 

I see you posting messages of support to other members around the site, as well.

Thank you for contributing to the community and spreading your light. 

 

14 hours ago, Lauren90 said:

another thought I had today that really freaked me out… even asked my therapist about it. With the whole “chemical imbalance” theory being debunked and now actually talked about more widely, would they ever take antidepressants off the market? Would it force us to all cold turkey? My therapist told me no way, not in America, too much of a money maker. Unless someone is dropping dead immediately after taking the pills from a stroke or heart attack (I know it could be argued that this happens) it would still be on the market. Anyways, freaked me out to think about it. 
 

thoughts? 
 

 

Unfortunately, despite the science, the chemical imbalance myth is still very much alive. Any debunking is, in (mal)practice, relative. 

As I type this I am reminded of Charlton Heston's NRA speech classic quote "From my cold, dead hands!" (in case you are as yet blissfully unfamiliar, here's the video).

Psychiatry and Big Pharma might say the same thing about ADs and their myriad other lucrative psychotropic products. Pushing/selling drugs is their raison d'être. 

I think your therapist is right on the money. 

 

Seems to me the key here is: "another thought I had today that really freaked me out" and "freaked me out to think about it."

WD neuro-emotions can make our thoughts feel very real and very scary. 

It can be a challenge sometimes to practice distancing ourselves from those very persuasive, fear-based thoughts, as they can be so convincing. 

The catastrophizing is just our mind's way of trying to protect us, which is precisely why the thoughts are designed to command such attention.

Cognitive distortions are the original clickbait. 

However thoughts are just thoughts.

We can't control them, but we can work on how we react and respond to them, so they don't freak us out, or so we don't freak out about freaking out.

(Since you are in therapy, I'm guessing you're familiar with this idea?)

In acute WD it can sometimes truly be difficult to navigate that headspace, as WD thought symptoms and neuro-emotions can be quite overpowering.

It gets better and it gets easier the more we practice, and as WD wanes. 

 

Glad to hear you're venturing out into the desert for a little vacation.

Wishing you a relaxing trip. 

 

In solidarity and support,

A. 

[Igotthis]

Hi I just wanted to say that you are doing amazing and are very positive about everything which is such a great mindset to have! Keep doing you ❤️ 

[Greatful]

@Lauren90  Congratulations on all the hard work, your personal  accomplishments shows how much courage you have.  These drugs are so powerful and affect us to the core of our body and mind.  You are doing a outstanding job working your wall through the maze of WD. 

 

I am happy to hear your mom is in the medical field and can spread the word and help educate her peers. It's also great to see your therapist is on board too.

The more people we can get in the medical field to be open enough to really see the impact these drugs have on us. 

 

 

[Lauren90]

The past few days I have had a lessening with physical akathisia symptoms but a ramp up in the Derealization. I have this odd thing where sometimes, randomly, when I hear a song or see someone, I’ll get a wave of an intense feeling of, icky-ness. It’s a violating feeling. It’s like a soul sickening feeling. Other times, I’ll be having flashbacks of perfectly good memories but the feeling tied to them in this moment is nauseating and uncomfortable. I can’t stand it!!! It’s like I have PTSD from memories that weren’t bad. And I don’t have A history of any big traumas that I know of. I’ve had this feeling randomly ever since I can remember but it always disappeared after thirty seconds and then I’d go months or years without feeling it again. I also had a similar feeling while dating someone I no longer wanted to be dating in highschool. Anyways this super odd feeling is creeping back into my good memories now! This feeling is debilitating. Trying to just accept this is how I feel and move through it but when the feeling comes several times an hour it’s a little discouraging and panic inducing. 

[Lauren90]

On 8/12/2022 at 6:45 AM, Greatful said:

@Lauren90  Congratulations on all the hard work, your personal  accomplishments shows how much courage you have.  These drugs are so powerful and affect us to the core of our body and mind.  You are doing a outstanding job working your wall through the maze of WD. 

 

I am happy to hear your mom is in the medical field and can spread the word and help educate her peers. It's also great to see your therapist is on board too.

The more people we can get in the medical field to be open enough to really see the impact these drugs have on us. 

 

 

Thank you, Greatful, it’s been the most trying ordeal I’ve ever gone through. I’m unsure if pushing myself to do things is making things better or worse, but usually, I feel better pushing through. I went out of town this past weekend though and usually when I go out of town that affects my mental state. And it sure did this time. I’ve been having horrifying mental symptoms the past few days that I’m trying to work through. 
 

how are you? 

[Lauren90]

On 8/11/2022 at 4:16 PM, Igotthis said:

Hi I just wanted to say that you are doing amazing and are very positive about everything which is such a great mindset to have! Keep doing you ❤️ 

Hi! Thank you. I’m really trying to be. Right now I’m in the midst of some

terrible mental symptoms but trying to remember that nothing lasts, and this too shall pass ❤️♥️

[Lauren90]

Just now, Lauren90 said:

Hi! Thank you. I’m really trying to be. Right now I’m in the midst of some

terrible mental symptoms but trying to remember that nothing lasts, and this too shall pass ❤️♥️

I do think being positive has a positive impact. Reacting negatively definitely has a negative impact. I also need to stay positive not just for me, but for my husband. Not all the time of course, that’s unrealistic, but if being positive is something I can control, and it helps even a little bit, I try to do it. 

[Lauren90]

On 8/11/2022 at 10:12 AM, Ariel said:

 

Sounds like you're doing really good work, @Lauren90

Give yourself lots of credit! 

I see you posting messages of support to other members around the site, as well.

Thank you for contributing to the community and spreading your light. 

 

 

Unfortunately, despite the science, the chemical imbalance myth is still very much alive. Any debunking is, in (mal)practice, relative. 

As I type this I am reminded of Charlton Heston's NRA speech classic quote "From my cold, dead hands!" (in case you are as yet blissfully unfamiliar, here's the video).

Psychiatry and Big Pharma might say the same thing about ADs and their myriad other lucrative psychotropic products. Pushing/selling drugs is their raison d'être. 

I think your therapist is right on the money. 

 

Seems to me the key here is: "another thought I had today that really freaked me out" and "freaked me out to think about it."

WD neuro-emotions can make our thoughts feel very real and very scary. 

It can be a challenge sometimes to practice distancing ourselves from those very persuasive, fear-based thoughts, as they can be so convincing. 

The catastrophizing is just our mind's way of trying to protect us, which is precisely why the thoughts are designed to command such attention.

Cognitive distortions are the original clickbait. 

However thoughts are just thoughts.

We can't control them, but we can work on how we react and respond to them, so they don't freak us out, or so we don't freak out about freaking out.

(Since you are in therapy, I'm guessing you're familiar with this idea?)

In acute WD it can sometimes truly be difficult to navigate that headspace, as WD thought symptoms and neuro-emotions can be quite overpowering.

It gets better and it gets easier the more we practice, and as WD wanes. 

 

Glad to hear you're venturing out into the desert for a little vacation.

Wishing you a relaxing trip. 

 

In solidarity and support,

A. 

Hi Ariel! 
 

Overall, I was doing better. I say “was” because I’m going through mental hell right now with some symptoms, but as you said above I’m really trying to control

how I react to them by not freaking out. Also trying not to keep “checking in” to see if I still feel these utterly awful emotions when I think of the thing that originally triggered them. 
 

The symptoms ramped up on our trip but I think some of that is because I was in an unfamiliar environment while dealing with a little derealization and these intrusive feelings I’m getting (I’ve elaborated a little in a more recent post I made on my topic). 
 

However, in the midst of this all, I was still able to function on the trip even if I felt weird, and I was still able to make it out of the house today for a personal errand. Worked a little bit, but it’s a very slow day for me so I’m using my day working from home as a day to recuperate.  
 

how are you? 

[Lauren90]

I’m in a constant nostalgia trip. It’s like every memory I’ve ever had comes flooding back at all hours of the day and the feelings associated with them are making me uncomfortable. Even good memories. This is terrible.

[Ariel]

Hi @Lauren90

 

10 minutes ago, Lauren90 said:

I’m in a constant nostalgia trip. It’s like every memory I’ve ever had comes flooding back at all hours of the day and the feelings associated with them are making me uncomfortable. Even good memories.

 

I can relate to this. It's quite common in WD actually. I've had it on and off for years (not that it will necessarily last that long for you). 

Have you read any of the comments scattered across SA on "dystalgia"? 

Maybe you're already familiar with that term. When I first found it, I felt relieved that it wasn't just me! 

You can do a site search or read through this thread, where dystalgia comes up a lot -- people describe it in all sorts of ways, most of which sound familiar! 

 

 

[Lauren90]

On 8/16/2022 at 10:32 AM, Ariel said:

Hi @Lauren90

 

 

I can relate to this. It's quite common in WD actually. I've had it on and off for years (not that it will necessarily last that long for you). 

Have you read any of the comments scattered across SA on "dystalgia"? 

Maybe you're already familiar with that term. When I first found it, I felt relieved that it wasn't just me! 

You can do a site search or read through this thread, where dystalgia comes up a lot -- people describe it in all sorts of ways, most of which sound familiar! 

 

 

Hi Ariel!

 

Isn’t it troublesome? I’m getting the same feeling looking at certain people, like I see into their souls and it makes me nauseated. I know I sound crazy. it’s the opposite of feeling disconnected. It’s a feeling of feeling too connected. Like I’m seeing people and my memories too intimately. 
 

I found the term “Dystalgia” but it seems alot of people have guilty feelings about the past or are beating themselves up about the past, can’t stop thinking about bad things they did. Mine isn’t like that. It’s just uncomfortable remembering anything in the past as well as some uncomfortable feelings about people on the present.
 

I came across “the Going back in time Phenomenon” here on this site and it seems to be what I’m experiencing. I’m on another support group and there are a couple people with the same feelings so yes, it’s so nice to know we aren’t alone! Mine has a always come and gone, even as a child, but it seems exaggerated (neuro emotions I assume) in withdrawal. It’s like I cannot handle normal emotions and thoughts correctly. I’m really trying to find a way to sit with these feelings and learn to accept them. Learn to not hate them, just be neutral. But I know it will take practice. 

[Lauren90]

Akathisia is back. I had a good couple of months without it. Sometimes I wonder if my other symptoms just overpower the inner restlessness or if it actually goes away. I’ve even considered updosing but I know that probably won’t do a lot of good and likely will make things worse. I also wonder if it’s withdrawal or the medication because I haven’t changed my dose since February, but the years prior I made a TON of insane dose reductions. The thing is, I felt GREAT when I was ON Zoloft. So surely I’m not just having a bad reaction to the medication after 20 years of great use. Surely it is indeed withdrawal. I just want to feel like I’ve stabilized so I can continue my taper journey. It’s so hard not having the right answer about the best road to take. I THINK I feel better than before but sometimes I wonder if I’m just used to the suffering.

I did just travel to two different cities within the past three weeks, four hour plane rides away. This is when the akathisia ramped back up. I feel like I pushed myself too hard but I had no choice. My mom needed me the first trip, and the second I was going to see my cousin no matter how I had to, and I freaking did it! So I’m proud of that. Even though I thought about my inner restlessness every waking hour. 

[Erimus]

When nothing makes sense the best thing you can do is keep holding. Hold and hold until everything sorts out.  Everyone is understandably eager to get off medication, but if you rush off too quick you’ll just suffer more when you jump. You’ve already made loads of progress from 4 years ago, keep that perspective in mind.

 

Your nervous system is working hard to iron out the creases from mass change. 22 years on sertraline is going to take a while to undo. You’re doing great, keep going.

[Lauren90]

5 hours ago, Erimus said:

When nothing makes sense the best thing you can do is keep holding. Hold and hold until everything sorts out.  Everyone is understandably eager to get off medication, but if you rush off too quick you’ll just suffer more when you jump. You’ve already made loads of progress from 4 years ago, keep that perspective in mind.

 

Your nervous system is working hard to iron out the creases from mass change. 22 years on sertraline is going to take a while to undo. You’re doing great, keep going.

I was just so good before ever trying to come off. I read a few of your posts and I think I feel like you. We hear about other people getting akathisia but they are off the offending meds, and we are still on them. So I’m wondering if my body is really going to stabilize while still on them. Then I consider going back up but I know that’s probably a mistake at this point. All I can hold onto now is the hope that it goes away like it has before, because right now it is back with a vengeance and it’s extremely hard to deal with. I’m trying not to focus on it but it seems all but impossible 

[Erimus]

Your nervous system will find some sort of stability, it has to. The body works to find homeostasis in every system of operation. If you’re still getting symptoms, it’s not finished yet.

 

Has there been any recent triggers? Stress, virus, probiotics etc. We scrutinise every possible change that we’ve made, but most of the time there is no answer. 

[Lauren90]

2 minutes ago, Erimus said:

Your nervous system will find some sort of stability, it has to. The body works to find homeostasis in every system of operation. If you’re still getting symptoms, it’s not finished yet.

 

Has there been any recent triggers? Stress, virus, probiotics etc. We scrutinise every possible change that we’ve made, but most of the time there is no answer. 

I know I keep telling myself that even on meds my body has to find a way to stabilize. It was stabilized on 200mg for 20 years…

 

Definitely stress. I had to travel back to my mom’s across the country because she had back to back surgeries and was basically immobile for a bit. I was already nervous flying alone due to a previous HORRIBLE panic attack on the flight (not nervous of flying just of panicking on a flight lol). After I was there for about a week it started back up. I left there after a week and a half, headed back home to CA, then two days after I got back home after that trip I had to fly to another city to visit a family member across the country again, for thanksgiving. Thought it would be a lot for me to handle and it was, but I’m glad I did it. Even if I had this horrible inner restlessness the entire time. I just got back from the trip. My husband is also out of the country for a month right now so that doesn’t help. So there’s definitely been a bit of stress. 

[Erimus]

Avoiding the obvious triggers (alcohol, drugs etc.), what you do day to day isn’t going to massively worsen your condition. It was important for you to do those things, that’s all that matters. You’re doing all the right things to heal. You may have entered a new wave of akathisia even if you didn’t go, don’t worry about it.

 

You mentioned your husband being away for a month, do you have anyone to offload to? You need someone to decompress from this, we all do. 

 

 

[Lauren90]

40 minutes ago, Erimus said:

I just moved to where I’m living within the past year, so I don’t have a huge support system. I have one friend from childhood who is within a hour drive from me. She is pretty unreliable but pretty sure she’d be reliable if I had an emergency, plus she’s aware of everything going on with me. And I think my brother would fly out in a pinch if I needed him to. Other than that I have a few friends here but no one I’d unload all of this onto. I head back to my mom’s for the holidays on the 20th, and if I just can’t keep it together until then I’ll put myself and my dog on a plane or get in the car and make the drive back early. 

 

 

[Lauren90]

So this morning was absolutely horrific. The kind of morning where you debate if you should go to the ER. Akathisia just uncontrollable right now. The only changes lately have been I got off birth control two months ago, and travelled a TON in the past month. Husband is out of the country and I’m not near my family or closest friends, so when things got hard I think I spiraled. I just emailed Shipko again to check in, as he asked me to do last May after we spoke, to get his thoughts. I am seriously considering updosing. I don’t feel like I’ve made a ton of progress since my last drop. I feel like my life is just white knuckling through everything, going through the motions trying not to freak out. 20+ years on medication may have just damaged me far too much to come off. I am in no way shape or form thinking of tapering right now, I’m far to unstable and that’s what caused this whole mess. Had I had a bad reaction while on the meds, I totally would, but I felt amazing while on them for all 20 years. I cannot believe this is my life right now. I mean my life is beautiful and wonderful but my mental and physical state because of withdrawal is ruining it. I’m all for being positive, as I think it does amazing things, but I just can’t be that way today. I spent my morning pacing, crying, rolling around in bed, stayed home from work, I just couldn’t cope. I’ve come out of it a bit now, but it was scary. I’m at a loss for what to do next. Because what I’m doing now isn’t working. I’ve held for NINE MONTHS. 

[Lauren90]

On 6/26/2022 at 5:38 AM, RachelSusan said:

@Lauren90

 

Hi Lauren,

 

So many changes in your life. I am sure it is not easy. To have withdrawal symptoms on top of the changes must be awful.  I know it was a long and difficult recovery for me. I would read on this site about people feeling better in a month or so and I found myself very frustrated. I kept thinking something was wrong with me because my symptoms went on for so long, and they kept changing as well. I would get rid of one symptom and another would show up.  I did heal though.  It sounds like you are following a path that is working for you. I hope things continue to improve for you.  Hang in there, you seem to be managing in spite of any discomfort.

Hi RachelSusan, 

 

just wondering, did you ever deal with inner restlessness or akathisia while tapering? 

[Lauren90]

Just tagging onto my last post. I don’t know why I still feel so awful after holding for nine months. But I feel it would be dangerous right now to continue to taper when my akathisia is this bad. I think if I developed it before tapering, sure it would make sense to keep tapering, that would suggest I was having a reaction to the meds. But I was fine on them. It was well into my taper when I developed it. I think I just need to be patient and hold hold hold. But I do wonder can I stabilize while still on meds? In theory I guess the answer is yes if I was once stabilized on them.
 

I’ve also noticed when my anxiety is at its highest, so is the akathisia/restlessness. I often wonder exactly how much all of these symptoms are directly related to my anxiety and extreme stress. I haven’t done a great job at eliminating stress.

Also, why is it that I USUALLY feel so much better in the evening? Cortisol levels? More relaxed now that the day is finished? 

[RachelSusan]

1 hour ago, Lauren90 said:

did you ever deal with inner restlessness or akathisia while tapering? 

@Lauren90 Luckily for me I never dealt with either of those. The closest I ever got was inner tremors. That was bad enough. I hope you get some relief soon. Suffering like this is truly dreadful.

[Erimus]

You mentioned cessation of birth control 2 months ago. Does that tie in with an increase in akathisia symptoms? Fluctuation of hormones can certainly upset a sensitised nervous system. Feeling better in the evening could be because of lower cortisol levels, or also because that is when the drug reaches peak plasma concentrations. I take my sertraline at 11AM and feel my worst around 330-530PM, which coincides with when the drug is at its lowest in my system. Peak plasma is estimated from 4-8 hours after ingestion for sertraline.

 

You’ve got the right idea holding. Your body is craving stability, hence the chaotic symptoms. Don’t get too caught up on the time you’ve been holding, it sounds like all the changes you made previous finally caught up with you. I’ve been holding for 14.5 months and still feel terrible, but that’s because I didn’t listen to my body or understand what this drug was doing to me. I’ve made a lot of mistakes with withdrawal but we can’t punish ourselves because we’re not given the correct information by doctors.

 

You will reach stability and feel well like you did for all those years ON the drug. I’m 100% sure of that.

Edited December 2, 2022 by Erimus

[Lauren90]

On 12/2/2022 at 2:04 AM, Erimus said:

You mentioned cessation of birth control 2 months ago. Does that tie in with an increase in akathisia symptoms? Fluctuation of hormones can certainly upset a sensitised nervous system. Feeling better in the evening could be because of lower cortisol levels, or also because that is when the drug reaches peak plasma concentrations. I take my sertraline at 11AM and feel my worst around 330-530PM, which coincides with when the drug is at its lowest in my system. Peak plasma is estimated from 4-8 hours after ingestion for sertraline.

 

You’ve got the right idea holding. Your body is craving stability, hence the chaotic symptoms. Don’t get too caught up on the time you’ve been holding, it sounds like all the changes you made previous finally caught up with you. I’ve been holding for 14.5 months and still feel terrible, but that’s because I didn’t listen to my body or understand what this drug was doing to me. I’ve made a lot of mistakes with withdrawal but we can’t punish ourselves because we’re not given the correct information by doctors.

 

You will reach stability and feel well like you did for all those years ON the drug. I’m 100% sure of that.

Thanks for your comments, I really appreciate them. No the birth control really doesn’t tie into the symptoms it was about a month prior that I stopped. I’m not quite sure though actually. 
 

As far as feeling better in the evening I think it could be cortisol related. I wake up every morning at 7am before my alarm goes off in a severe state of anxiety. Just dread in my body. The restlessness begins and I’m usually so nauseous I have to throw up. This has been happening on and off, but pretty regularly, I’d say since May. It’s like the akathisia and extreme cortisol surges all happened at the same time. 

[Lauren90]

Woke up today with an extreme cortisol surge at the usual time, 7am. I guess I’m glad I’m at least able to get to sleep at night. I fear even writing that because I don’t want to jinx it. I immediately ran to the bathroom to dry heave. Some mornings I’m able to overcome this urge but some mornings i just can’t. I always feel a tiny bit better afterwards too. I know it’s not healthy but I don’t know how to stop by body from doing this.

After that I put the dog on a leash and went for a short walk, fed her, then got back in bed and meditated. I fell into a very light sleep for another hour and a half but still had the feeling of extreme anxiety and dread in my stomach and chest the entire time. I guess I was more resting with my eyes closed. I still had ruminating thoughts during this time.

 

I am in the midst of an absolutely horrible wave. I truly do not know what to do. I’m just trying to get through it minute by minute. I hate living like this because I’m wishing my days away. I find myself waking up impatient for the evening when I usually feel a bit better. I’m also on my period so that probably doesn’t help. (I already have awful symptoms this time of the month).

 

I am literally having to force feed myself. I have lost 25lbs since around March. I’m not underweight, I’m actually back at my ideal weight now, but I can’t continue to lose anymore. 
 

I am so so so scared, terrified actually, that I am stuck like this forever. I would have updosed months ago if I was sure it would help. But I’m scared to get worse by doing that. Something has to change, I can’t continue living my life this way. I just don’t know what to change. 
 

I don’t know my reason for writing this. Support? Journal entry for myself? Advice? I don’t know. 

[Erimus]

Yeah the cortisol level peaks at around 4-5am and slowly decreases through the day. The fact that you take your tablet on a morning may also contribute to severe mornings, as your body is craving the next dose because it still thinks it is being short-changed. 
 

Shifting your dose time to late morn/mid day might ease the intensity of morning symptoms. Regarding nausea, I have quite a wealth of experience in this area. It sounds unusual, but eating helps with it. Nausea in this situation is caused by our stomach producing excess acid due to the extra adrenaline from anxiety/restlessness. Eating food soaks up the extra acid in our stomach. I found fresh air stopped me heaving on a morning.

 

Regarding going forward. I would suggest taking daily notes for the following week and posting them here so people can best help you. Keep track of symptom duration and time, what you eat, what supplements you take, what medication you take and when, stressors. Then we can start to piece together what is happening and how we can improve your situation.

 

Best wishes. You will come through this.

[zma1]

Hi Lauren I’m going through a wave too and I’m having the 6am cortisol surges where I wake up and think “****. Not this again” I’m also in so cal and the dreary weather doesn’t help. I love the rain we need it but it also makes me want to retreat and I know I’m better (or distracted) when I’m in the world. It’s just sometimes really difficult to be in the world. Also periods can mess me up a week before, week of, week after and then there’s one okay week where I feel sort of ok until the next hormone drop/surge happens. I think tapering down zoloft has messed w my cycle in a way that makes me think I have PMDD certain months. But I’m also in perimenopause so it’s all just crazy. Anyway. I’m sorry you’re having a rough time.  I hope you get a long lasting beautiful window soon. 

[zma1]

Oh also read some Claire Weekes or better yet listen to her audible books or lectures. I love her voice. She’s extremely helpful and spot on. I’m also 100% sure you’re going to heal from this and feel better.❤️

[Lauren90]

@zma1 thank you, I have read one of her books but should probably re-read it . I only just moved to SoCal this year and I have to say when it does rain or get cloudy it really affects me negatively. Which is so crazy because everywhere I’ve lived prior, the weather has been varied. Plenty of sun, plenty of rain and clouds. 
 

@Erimusthank you for your suggestions. I really need to make a more detailed journal. Even my mother and husband are on me to do it to track these waves.